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This dad suspected his daughter was pranking him and yet she still managed to pull it off

This dad suspected his daughter was pranking him and yet she still managed to pull it off
Justyn Hardwick/TikTok

Justyn Hardwick clearly knows his daughter Ary is a die-hard prankster. The father of three frequently shares his family's silly shenanigans on social media, and he knows to be prepared for every possible scenario.

That's why, when Ary asked him to help with a "weight challenge," his first instinct was to search for the trap. "You play too much," he told his daughter as he looked around the room for clues that something was amiss. His instant paranoia alone was funny.

But Ary kept her cool and convinced her pop to hold two large jugs of juice on a rope over his hands. Then she started stacking things on top of the rope.

Throughout the "challenge," Hardwick kept looking around, waiting for the prank. Then it came, and despite being prepared for it, he clearly was not prepared for it.


Watch:

The way she immediately high-tails it out of there and the way her dad uses her full name, "ARYANNA," at the end. Hilarious.

The video has racked up more than two million views on Facebook and has been shared widely on other social media channels as well.

David Johns, leader of the National Black Justice Coalition, shared the video on Twitter with some commentary that explains some of the appeal of the video beyond the obvious prankster humor. He wrote:

"1. I love that he knows her well enough to check for trap wires and cameras. 2. I love that she's already considered his concerns and has planned ahead. 3. I love the ability to share media that counters the lies the media frequently tells including: Black dads aren't absent…"

It's always delightful to see families have good, wholesome fun together. (To see more of the Hardwicks' silliness, follow Justyn on TikTok.)


34 broken bones, a mural, and Buddy the Elf—what these three things have in common
True

The Bank of America Chicago Marathon took place on Sunday, October 12th. Every runner who took on the enormous feat of 26.2 miles is truly an inspiration. We’re proud to share three outstanding stories about the power of community, giving back and crossing the finish line. Not only did they run an outstanding distance, but they each also gave back by fundraising for an organization that changes lives for the better.

Running a marathon is so much more than race day. It’s sticking to a schedule, getting enough rest, learning how to fuel your body for long distances, and—perhaps the most challenging of all—building mental resilience.



Meet Leanne: Running after 34 Bone Fractures

Leanne was only 12 years old when during her middle school cross country practice, she fractured her right tibia, the shin bone in her leg. This wasn’t Leanne’s first time breaking a bone—it was actually her 34th fracture. After many years of being overlooked as "clumsy," Leanne felt immense relief and recognition when a doctor diagnosed her with brittle bone disease, an incredibly rare condition.

Lurie Children’s provided a care plan for Leanne to build strength and start running again. And as of October 12th, Leanne ran her second Bank of America Chicago Marathon. She said in an interview, “I never thought I’d run again. But against the odds, here I am, training for my second Bank of America Chicago Marathon... all because of Lurie Children’s.”

Leanne’s impressive journey is a testament to the incredible research of Lurie Children’s, where she gives back by volunteering at the hospital and running on its behalf. Talk about being a true inspiration.


Meet Everett: Running to Inspire Through Art

Everett is an artist who creates beautiful murals around the city of Chicago. He uses his art as a tool for storytelling for community and connection.

In addition to being an artist, Everett is a runner. He ran the 2025 Bank of America Chicago Marathon on behalf of Peace Runners 773, a non-profit organization that strengthens the community of Chicago. In this video, we follow Everett on a run to visit some of his favorite murals. The run ends at Garfield Park, where Everett just finished a mural that he dedicated to the organization—symbolizing growth, strength and togetherness. Everett didn’t stop there.

While building his strength as a runner, Everett is strengthening his city of Chicago. Through his running and artwork, Everett has brought more awareness and resources to his community.

Meet Joseph: Running on Behalf of Special Olympics


Joseph ran the Chicago Marathon on behalf of Special Olympics, dedicating each mile to one of 26 friends with a developmental disability. The last 1.2 miles were extra special. It was for one of his closest friends, Matt.

In this video, Joseph runs to Matt’s house. For every mile of this training run, he tells us a heartwarming anecdote about Matt. They met at camp and soon, Matt will be a groomsman in Joseph’s wedding. The duo even sends a Christmas card every year—most notably dressing up as Buddy the Elf and sharing a bowl of spaghetti with maple syrup (spoiler: it doesn’t taste good).

As Joseph runs, he says, “Before we get to Matt, a quick note about why I’m running on behalf of Special Olympics. Matt and I love sports. And so do many of my other friends. Donations help provide year-round sports training and competition for more than 20,000 people with intellectual disabilities across Illinois.”

Joseph is the perfect example of inspiration. Not only did he run an entire marathon, but he also found inspiration in his friends who love sports as much as he does.


Leanne, Everett and Joseph are three incredible people who have shown how much strength and perseverance it takes to run a marathon. Each runner is both empowering themselves and their community. Their dedication to the Bank of America Chicago Marathon shows that the people of Chicago have a passion for the city, their neighbors and their personal achievements.

Culture

American shares his 9 realizations about the U.S. after 13 years abroad and it's eye-opening

“If you’ve never left, you can never understand what it’s really like…”

united states, american, europe, living abroad, U.K.
Image credit: Evan Edinger/YouTube

You learn a lot about your country when you leave it for a while.

Evan Edinger moved to London over 13 years ago to study abroad but never planned on staying overseas permanently. His goal was to get his degree, return to the United States, start his career, and make a life for himself. He thought of his time in London as a "temporary adventure."

But when he finished his degree, he found himself in an unexpected situation: He didn't want to go back. "The longer I stayed in London," Edinger shares on his YouTube channel, "the more I began to notice all of the assumptions that I'd grown up believing in America, the things I was brought up to believe were undeniably true and just the way the world worked—it turns out they weren't true at all."


One of the benefits of living in another country is seeing your country of origin through different eyes. That perspective can cause you to appreciate some things and question other things. Edinger shares nine realizations he's had about the U.S. since he left, starting with one of the most quintessentially American realities he found himself questioning.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

1. Guns

Edinger grew up in New Jersey and describes it as "quite a blue state," but he was still immersed in the gun culture that views gun ownership as a fundamental part of being an American.

"I was raised in a very pro-gun household," Edinger says. "In my family home in America, we had a 12-gauge shotgun, a 10-gauge, a black powder rifle, and a .410 shotgun for the children. My dad would take us out some days to shoot empty cans of beer or play pigeons or sometimes go hunting for pheasants or deer."

He says the notion of not owning a gun was unthinkable in his upbringing. "The idea that other countries do not allow guns is viewed more like these other countries are missing a fundamental right," he says.

His ideas about guns have changed dramatically since moving to London and living in a society without ubiquitous access to guns. "Visiting Philadelphia when I was younger was always scary to me because I never knew who had a gun, who wanted to rob me," Edinger shares. "Visiting New Orleans a couple years ago, I was told by my hotel staff that a few days prior, a tourist was shot and died in the local Popeye's Chicken because he caught a stray bullet of two people having an argument in the restaurant. So, that's just something that people just have to deal with. This constant fear of I could just die being caught in a crossfire and there's nothing I can really do about it because freedom. I've pretty much never felt that level of fear in London at all. And that alone was enough to sway my opinion on guns."

guns, gun culture, gun violence, united states, second amendment The U.S. has a unique gun culture.Photo credit: Canva

2. Government

"One thing that's really drilled into you pretty much every year of American school is that American democracy is the end-all be-all of government and that it is the beacon of freedom other countries look to emulate. Then, once you become an adult and you see how dysfunctional the U.S. government is, you search for anything to feel better about it and usually settle on 'Well, at least it's not a third world dictatorship.'"

But those aren't the only two options. Edinger explains how the parliamentary system in the U.K. is far from perfect, but it tends to be more effective at actually getting things done because lawmakers aren't constantly stymied by the inherently destructive two-party gridlock we have in the U.S.

"It's messy, yes, but after 13 years away, I've come to the belief that no system of government is perfect," he says. "But most systems in Western Europe are far more effective than what I grew up believing was the 'best in the world.'"

3. Walkability and Public Transport

In the U.S., having a car is practically a symbol of freedom, but Edinger says he's never felt the need to have a car in his 13 years living in London. He says it's been incredibly freeing to be able to walk and take public transit everywhere, and not just in the city. He's been able to travel all over Europe, in larger cities and small towns, and the focus on walkable neighborhoods and public transportation is everywhere.

walkable cities, public transportation, car dependency, london underground, subway It's much easier to get around without a car in Europe. Photo credit: Canva

"After having spent some time living in walkable neighborhoods, I would never ever choose to live in a car dependent place ever again," Edinger says. "It is truly one of the most life-changing parts of living over here. And because I'm always walking everywhere, because I'm always cycling everywhere, it's so much easier to be healthy and physically fit without even trying."

4. Food Quality and Price

Europe has different regulations than the U.S., Edinger explains, with an approach that leads to a lot less additives and chemicals being added to foods.

"Europe's food agency focuses on possibilities and the U.S.'s focuses on probabilities. Is it possible an unnecessary additive could be harmful? Europe prohibits it just to be safe. The US agency, the FDA, they only step in if the probability of it being harmful is high. So, that risk is passed on to the average American consumer."

Edinger also points out that the ability to walk down to the store to get fresh ingredients regularly makes it a lot easier to eat well. "It's one of those things where once you experience both, there is no contest. No contest. So, it's much easier to be healthy in Europe than in America."

5. Healthcare in the U.S. vs. Europe

"If my health does have issues, I am glad it's not something that would ever bankrupt me or cause me to ever think about how much it would have to cost me just to be sick," says Edinger.

Americans often hear horror stories about socialized medicine, but Edinger's experience with going to the doctor and even going to the hospital have been positive, and barely cost him anything.

health, healthcare, universal healthcare, health insurance, cost of healthcare The U.S. is an outlier in the world when it comes to healthcare costs. Photo credit: Canva

"There are only two types of people that are against the freeing social safety net that is universal healthcare," says Edinger. "People that have never experienced socialized healthcare and people that profit from the broken system. That's it." Most Americans want it, but "most Americans" is not where the money is.

6. Consumer Protections in the U.S. vs Europe

Edinger shares that he bought a MacBook Pro in 2019 that didn't work right, and he hadn't purchased AppleCare because he knew he didn't have to.

"If you buy a tech product in Europe, you have a reasonable expectation that it should last you at least two years free of defects," says Edinger. "And if it's not up to your expectations or breaks down before then, you can demand a return or replacement. This law protects consumers from shady business practices."

He ended up getting his full money back on the computer due to those consumer protections.

"It's laws like this where you really begin to notice a pattern that life in Europe is one that gives more rights to the everyday person over giant corporations and shared benefit over private," says Edinger.

7. Worker Rights

"A quick summary would be 28 days minimum paid holiday, one year paid maternity leave, two weeks paid paternity leave, sick leave, even the right against unlawful termination," said Edinger. "When working part-time at Urban Outfitters in London, even though I worked less than 20 hours a week, I still got two days paid holiday per month. That's insane, right? No, that's just life over here. Meanwhile, I worked five years at a Pizza Hut in New Jersey for over 30 hours per week. Never got a single day of paid vacation."

Indeed, there's more than a handful of European countries that guarantee at least a month of paid days off, with some countries actually requiring a certain number of days or weeks off.

vacation, holiday, paid vacation days, paid time off, work life balance Europeans get far more generous paid leave than Americans do.Photo credit: Canva

Edinger points out the irony that he was always taught that the U.S. was for the individual, for individual freedoms. But in his experience, in Europe individuals have more rights than those with money or power, while it's the opposite in the U.S.

8. Money (Live to work or work to live?)

Edinger says that most things are more affordable in Europe, from groceries to data plans, but Americans do earn higher salaries.

"So if you earn a lot of money and money is your sole defining metric of success, then you can feel a lot more successful in the U.S.," he says. "But because the culture in Europe is work to live and not live to work, you might find that the stress and cost tradeoffs and quality of life erode the value of that higher salary quite quickly."

9. On Romanticizing Europe

People often wonder if Americans romanticize Europe too much, and Edinger says the same question used to be asked of Europeans romanticizing America. But now that we have YouTube and social media and a better ability to see the realities of both places, he says what Americans "romanticize" about Europe is really just the things we want and don't have.

work-life balance, united states, working, european culture, worker rights Work-life balance is something a lot of Americans struggle with.Photo credit: Canva

"I think most Americans who are eyeing up Europe are doing so because of the things that America is lacking. Nearly two in three Americans want universal healthcare. Well, America doesn't offer that. Again, two in three Americans want European style vacation policies. America doesn't offer that. And 53% of Americans would prefer to live in a walkable neighborhood, but sorry, America doesn't offer that. The list goes on. If America were an actual democracy, I don't think many of these people would be having romanticized views of Europe at all because they wouldn't need to. They could have everything they wanted in the country they were born and raised."

Of course, every country has its problems and there are certainly downsides to moving abroad. Edinger acknowledges that but says it really boils down to what you value in life. Americans are taught to romanticize the U.S., and leaving it helps you see the reality, what's good about your country and where it has room for improvement.

"I think the main thing though out of everything that I miss about the U.S. that I can't really get here is not rights, not freedoms, not anything that's big on quality of life improvements," says Edinger. "It's just Mexican food and good ice cream."

You can follow Evan Edinger on YouTube for more on his experiences as an American living abroad.

family, adoption, DNA test, paternity, infidelity, Reddit advice, relationship advice, foster care, parenthood, blended family, half brothers, trust, marriage, cheating, parenting dilemma, viral story, social media, forgiveness, resilience, family ethics

A concerned woman gets a DNA test.

A woman, 35, and her husband, 38, had been married for 10 years and during that time became good friends with a neighbor in her 20s. Two years after they met the neighbor, she had a son. She said the father wasn’t in the son’s life because he was a one-night fling.

The woman had health issues, so the couple happily took care of the child when she was in the hospital. Sadly, the woman died when the child was young, so the couple became his foster parents and legally adopted him at the age of 7.


What set off her suspicions

Years later, when their adopted son was 10, and their biological child was 5, the mother noticed that both children looked a lot alike. “Now that they are 10 and 5 years old and they looked so much like each other that I begin to have suspicions,” the woman wrote on the Reddit Relationship Advice subforum.

So, she secretly had the adopted son's DNA tested.

What the DNA test revealed

foster care, parenthood, blended family, half brothers, trust, marriage, cheating, parenting dilemma, viral story, social media, forgiveness, resilience, family ethics DNA tests can bring clarity. Photo credit: Canva

When the results came back, the woman found out that her children were half brothers. Her husband had cheated on her with the neighbor who passed away. In a strange set of circumstances, the man adopted his son. After learning the truth about her son and husband, the wife was beside herself.

“I don't know how I should act. I am so angry and feel so humiliated, but I love the three of them so much. I feel like I am just a tool and that my dignity was stepped upon,” she wrote on the forum.

To make things worse, she still loves her husband. She said that he was “never abusive” and was a “good husband” and a “good father.”

foster care, parenthood, blended family, half brothers, trust, marriage, cheating, parenting dilemma, viral story, social media, forgiveness, resilience, family ethics

“It feels like I was not a mother but an idiot who was used like a babysitter for his child,” the woman wrote. “How am I supposed to react? Should I tell them the truth and try to cancel the adoption? Should I divorce him? Am I right to feel like it, or am I a monster to see this child as the source of my humiliation?”

How the Internet responded

The post received 110 comments, and the most popular urged her to ask herself the big questions. Do you want to raise both boys? Do you want to stay married? Do you feel like he will slight you again in some way?

"I think one question you need to consider is, Do you want to raise both boys? Setting aside whether or not your husband is involved, understand that the child is blameless and isn't responsible for his parentage. Deciding what you want to do regarding the child is important. Also note that it isn't wrong to decide that you can't handle taking care of this child. Only you know if you have the capacity to raise the child, knowing where he comes from. If you decide that you can't, it is better to not try, and end up conveying all the upset you are feeling to him."

foster care, parenthood, blended family, half brothers, trust, marriage, cheating, parenting dilemma, viral story, social media, forgiveness, resilience, family ethics Divorce felt like the first choice. Photo credit: Canva

"The other question is, Do you want to stay married? There can be various reasons for and against divorce. Only you can decide which ones matter most to you.

A related question is, Do you feel he will slight you again in some way? You talk about your dignity being stepped on. Is he often acting that way in many things? Was this a one-time thing? Do you think he is likely to do it again? Knowing this will help you answer the prior question.

Trying to break down all the things you are struggling with into separate ideas may help you get some control over it."

Where she says things stand now

The woman’s final words on her situation were that she couldn’t resolve to hate her husband or the adopted child and that her husband’s infidelity was the only thing that made her feel hesitant about him. Further, she is legally bound to the adopted child and couldn’t leave him regardless. But sadly, even though it appears she will stay in the situation, she feels like she has no choice. “I feel trapped,” she wrote.

This article originally appeared last year.

casserole, casseroles, casserole recipe, casserole recipes, gen x, boomers
Image via Reddit/MyDogGoldi

Vintage casserole recipes from Gen X and boomer childhoods.

Childhood dishes can take you straight back to your seat at the family dinner table. Comfort meals that were served there are uber nostalgic. And there is one dish represents the epitome of Gen X and baby boomer childhoods: casseroles.

These one-dish wonders were loaded with flavor and baked to perfection. Pulled straight from the oven to the dinner table, casseroles filled the house with the smell of unique home-cooked recipes.


And while most of us are eating casseroles today at Thanksgiving, Gen Xers and boomers grew up eating casseroles on the reg.

Here are 15 old-school casserole recipes that Redditors grew up eating, which are just as yummy today:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Chicken casseroles

Fancy Fast Chicken casserole

"Fancy Fast Chicken is delicious and so simple. Line up chicken breasts in a casserole dish. Dump uncooked stuffing over top the chicken breasts. Pour Cream of Mushroom (Onion or chicken works too) and incorporate it into the stuffing. Top with cheese of your choice, and fried onions if you're inclined. Bake at 350 for 45min or until chicken is thoroughly cooked." - Applepoisoneer

Chicken Curry Divan casserole

"My favorite is Chicken Curry Divan. A friend made it for me in college 40 years ago and it is a favorite to this day. Never disappoints. Many people have asked me for the recipe over the years. My best friends kids now that they are grown have each approached me for it.

1 1/2 lbs chicken breast tenders cooked and cut into bite sized pieces
3 cups broccoli in bite sized pieces
2 cans Cream of Chicken soup
1 cup mayonnaise (must be Mayo)
2 tsp curry
Juice of 1 lemon
Shredded sharp cheddar (use the amount you like o like a nice even cover of the top)
3/4 cup crushed Ritz crackers
3 tbsp melted butter
In 9x13” baking pan layer chicken then broccoli.

Mix the soup, Mayo, lemon juice and curry together well, pour over chicken broccoli mixture evenly and smooth out. Sprinkle cheese over top evenly. Crush crackers fine, mix in melted butter well and sprinkle evenly over top. Cook at 375° for 25-30 minutes until bubbly and top brown. Serve with rice." - karinchup

Chicken and Rice casserole

"This baked rice & cheese casserole has become a staple in our house! It’s great as a side dish, or I’ll add rotisserie chicken and serve it as a main dish." - anchovypepperonitoni

Chicken & Dumplings casserole

"The secret of this is not to stir anything. That's what makes your dumplings. When you dish it out, you have your dumplings on top.
2 chicken breasts, cooked and shredded; 2 cups chicken broth; 1/2 stick of butter; 2 cups Bisquick mix; 2 cups whole milk; 1 can cream of chicken soup; 1/2 medium onion, minced; 1 cup frozen peas; 3 tsp chicken Better Than Bouillon; 1/2 tsp dried sage; 1 tsp black pepper; 1/2 tsp salt.

(1) Preheat oven to 350 degrees
(2) Layer 1 - In 9x13 casserole dish, melt 1/2 stick of butter. Spread shredded chicken over butter. Sprinkle black pepper and dried sage over this layer. Do not stir.
(3) Layer 2 - Sprinkle minced onions and peas over chicken
(4) Layer 3 - In small bowl, mix milk and Bisquick. Slowly pour all over chicken. Do not stir.
(5) Layer 4 - In medium bowl, whisk together 2 cups of chicken broth, chicken bouillon, and soup. Once blended, slowly pour over the Bisquick layer. Do not stir.
(6) Bake casserole for 30-40 minutes, or until the top is golden brown." - Superb_Yak7074

Chicken broccoli casserole

"I made chicken broccoli casserole last week and that's a favorite here. This is pretty close to how I do it." - gimmethelulz

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Potato casseroles

Funeral Potatoes

"The unfortunately named, funeral potatoes!" - IRLperson

Tater Tot casserole

"Tater tot casserole. My mom made this at least once a week when I was growing up, but she added a quart of green beans to make it a meal. If you brown your ground beef in a good size cast iron skillet, you only dirty up one pan to make it!" - hcynthia1234, upperwareParTAY

Breakfast casserole

"I’m making a breakfast casserole this morning for brunch later—a bag of frozen hash brown potatoes thawed, a pound of sausage sauteed with peppers and onions, a brick of cheese grated, eight eggs beaten with a bit of milk and cream and some salt and pepper. Layer in a casserole, ending with cheese. Bake around an hour at 375." - CWrend

Hamburger pie casserole

"One of my childhood favorites. Did not add vegetables or cheese though. This was an end of the month struggle meal that everyone loved." - DarnHeather

Shepherd's pie casserole

"Shepherd's pie : brown 1.5 lbs ground beef with half a chopped onion, salt and pepper, drain it and then spread into a 13x9 and stir a can of cream of mushroom soup into it. Spread a drained family size can of corn on top, use a container of prepared mashed potatoes for the top layer. Bake for a half hour at 350." - ExplanationLucky1143

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Noodle casseroles

Tuna casserole

"Love my mom's tuna noodle casserole: 1 bag broad egg noodles, 1 can cream of mushroom soup, 2 cans tuna, 1 cup frozen corn or 1 can kernel corn, 2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese, 1/2 cup seasoned bread crumbs, 1 tbsp celery salt
Cook noodles per package directions, drain, then place in a 13x9 casserole dish. Mix in cream of mushroom soup, tuna, corn, 1 cup of the cheddar cheese, and celery salt. Top the casserole with the remaining cheese and bread crumbs. Bake at 350 for 20 minutes or until done enough for you." - Pinkleton

Mock Stroganoff casserole

"Mock stroganoff - brown 1lb ground chuck. Mix in 8 oz sour cream and 1 can cream of mushroom. Add to 1 lb of cooked egg noodles. Season with black pepper. Extras - fresh mushrooms and/or onion cooked with the beef. Any precooked veggies of your choice, peas or broccoli work well. Splash of Worcestershire, soy sauce, or fish sauce. Garlic or onion powder. Parsley, thyme, or cilantro." - Nathan_Saul

Cabbage noodle casserole

"I have a quick cabbage and noodles that uses bagged cole slaw. Cook a bag of noodles. Put aside. Cut up a lb of bacon and a med onion. Cook in pan until bacon is slightly fried and onions are clear. Add cabbage(without carrots) let sit 10 min or so. Add to noodles. It's so easy." - conjas11

@allrecipes

Thanksgiving prep class is now in session! 🍂🧑‍🏫 If there's one thing you need to nail on the big day (other than the turkey, of course), it's Green Bean Casserole. This recipe tastes just like the one your grandmother used to make, if not even better! 😋 Continue reading or click the link in the @allrecipes bio to get the full recipe. Ingredients: 2 (15-ounce) cans cut green beans, drained 1 (10.5-ounce) can condensed cream of mushroom soup ¾ cup milk 1 (2.8-ounce) can French fried onions salt and ground black pepper to taste Directions: Gather all ingredients. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Mix green beans, condensed cream of mushroom soup, milk, and 1/2 of the fried onions in a 1.5-quart casserole dish. Bake in the preheated oven until heated through and bubbly, about 25 minutes. Sprinkle remaining onions on top and return to the oven for 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Let rest for a few minutes before serving. 🧑‍🍳: Nicole #thanksgiving #greenbeancasserole #greenbeans #thanksgivingsides

Vegetable casseroles

Green bean casserole

"This is the best green bean casserole recipe, it does use the canned onions but you make your own cream of mushroom and it's soooo good. I've made it on random weekends, it's not just a Thanksgiving food. I don't know much about older foods, I just really wanted to share that recipe."

Corn casserole

"Our family Corn custard doesn't have crackers but we double the recipe and there's never any left over. 2 eggs, 1 cup of sweetened condensed milk, 1/2 flour, 2 T soft butter, 1 tsp sugar, 1 can of creamed corn, 1 can of whole corn. Mix all together and bake in a 8x8 about 45 min at 350. Gotta have that!" - Psychological_Bat890

vanessa van edwards, communications tips, meeting people, first impressions, people skills

Vanessa Van Edwards and people drinking wine.

Have you ever been to a networking event or on a first date and wanted to impress the person you’re talking to, but it was hard to make a natural connection because you were stuck in your head? The conversation feels like it’s on the brink of stalling, and you’re overthinking, trying to come up with something to say.

It’s natural to overthink a social interaction, especially when you want the other person to like you. So, how do you get over that blocked feeling and make a genuine connection? Communications expert Vanessa Van Edwards, founder of the Science of People and author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People, shared some great advice during a Reddit Ask Me Anything.


Van Edwards says the key to overcoming overthinking is to go from perfect to purpose.

happy date, first date, smiling woman, social skills, people skills A grinning woman has good people skills.via Canva/Photos

How to stop overthinking during small talk

Van Edwards' advice came after someone asked: “I tend to overthink when trying to make a genuine connection with someone, which can sometimes cause a block in conversation. How do you recommend shaking it off?”

“The ONLY way I have been able to conquer this is reframing from perfect to purpose,” Van Edwards wrote. “I used to try to make a connection with someone by being ‘perfect.’ The perfect conversation. The perfect stories. The perfect connection. The perfect handshake...you get it. It actually caused me to be less perfect.”

She added, “I realized that what made me less nervous was trying to aim for a purpose. So now in EVERY interaction I create some kind of purpose, anything from ‘pretend you are about to introduce this person on stage, what would you need to know about them’ to ‘find 3 similarities between us.’”

By reframing social interactions so they have a purpose beyond impressing people, you're bound to feel more relaxed.


networking event, work event, employees talking, a woman talking, people in dress clothes A woman speaking to colleagues at a networking event. via Canva/Photos

Let’s say it’s a first date. Here are some examples of a purpose that’ll direct your conversation:

Find the types of entertainment you have in common.

How would you write a short Wikipedia introduction on them?

Get a clear picture of where they would like to be in 5 years.

What’s a great purpose to have in a networking conversation?

How can I help this person achieve their goals?

What are some things about our industry that they know that I don’t?

What are some pitfalls they’ve encountered in our industry that I should avoid?

man drinking coffee, man laughing, a woman paying attention, networking event, fun networking, Three people talk during a networking event. via Canva/Photos

The great thing is that in situations where you can plan ahead, such as a networking event or a date, you can already have your purposes top-of-mind, so you can go into the interaction without feeling nervous. After you’ve spent the first 20 minutes or so focusing on your purpose, the conversation may begin to flow naturally.

Finally, there’s no need to try to impress people when you first meet them by showing off how smart, funny, and accomplished you are. In fact, your job is to do the opposite. Studies reveal that by showing an interest in others, you will be seen as far more likable than if you try to impress people. So practice active listening and ask a lot of questions, and you’ll make the best first impression possible.