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Harvard linguist explains perfectly logical reason Boomers insist on using ellipses in texts

Once you understand this, texting with your mom will get a lot easier.

linguist; boomers; gen x; millennials; gen z; text etiquette; boomer texting; gen z slang
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Linguist explains simple reason Boomers use ellipses in texts all the time

One generation's texting habit that baffles every generation is the Boomers' seemingly excessive use of ellipses. Do you have more to say, Aunt Judy, or did you just accidentally press the period key too many times? Maybe it's for a dramatic pause or to put emphasis on a point? This is truly a mystery that leaves every generation below them confused about what is meant by the dreaded "dot dot dot."

Texting etiquette differs with every generation. Gen X and most Millennials use fairly proper grammar and punctuation throughout a text message exchange. Every new sentence starts with a capital letter, there are strategically placed Oxford commas to ensure there's little room for misunderstandings, and sentences end with an appropriate punctuation mark.

linguist; boomers; gen x; millennials; gen z; text etiquette; boomer texting; gen z slang Joyful moments captured: A cheerful day out!Photo credit: Canva

When it comes to Gen Z, they find that ending text messages with proper punctuation indicates that the person they're texting is being passive-aggressive. They also text in shorthand and emojis that can feel a bit like you need a special decoder ring to decipher the messages. But texting in an encrypted way can be chalked up to youth, though the same can't be said when it comes to Boomers. Or can it?

Harvard linguist and author of the book Algospeak, Adam Aleksic, breaks down why so many Boomers use ellipses when texting. It's surprisingly not as complicated or dramatic as one may imagine. In a viral video posted last year on TikTok, Aleksic explains his theory for the texting etiquette of Boomers.

linguist; boomers; gen x; millennials; gen z; text etiquette; boomer texting; gen z slang Two generations connecting through their smartphones.Photo credit: Canva

"You know how older people tend to use the 'Boomer ellipses' whenever they're texting? There's always a random 'dot dot dot' in the middle of their messages?" Aleksic asks. "Well, that's because they grew up following different rules for informal communication. Nowadays, if you want to separate an idea, you just press enter and start a new line with a new thought, but it made less sense to do that for writing postcards or letters, where you had to save space, so people back in the day learned to separate thoughts by using ellipses."

Aleksic explains that this is also true for when phones first started allowing text messaging. You were charged by the message, so ellipses made it more efficient to convey all the thoughts in one message instead of multiple ones. SMS texting also had a character limit, unlike current phones, where you can essentially write a novella in a single message without your phone automatically breaking it up.

@etymologynerd this is so interesting... i prefer line breaks though #linguistics #language #communication #technology #texting ♬ original sound - etymologynerd

Today's texting standards typically mean people separate their thoughts by sending multiple messages for separate thoughts, though that annoys some people. If separating thoughts means you'll be sending no less than five texts in quick succession, it's likely best to just space down to make the text longer, rather than bombarding an unsuspecting friend.

When it comes down to it, younger generations have adapted to the new standard, embracing the unlimited text option, while Boomers haven't. Due to this discrepancy in text etiquette, the ellipses used by Boomers throw people for a loop.

linguist; boomers; gen x; millennials; gen z; text etiquette; boomer texting; gen z slang Elderly man working.Photo credit: Canva

"That means the Boomer ellipses became redundant, which is why they cause confusion today. They violate what we call 'the maximum quantity;' they add more information than necessary, so they appear to imply something more than the intended meaning. Most of the time, that comes off to younger people as hesitation, annoyance, or passive aggressiveness because that's how we use the ellipses," the linguist shares.

So, no, your grandma isn't mad at you or avoiding telling you something; according to Aleksic, she's just trying to send you multiple messages in one. There's no hidden emotion behind the ellipses for Boomers; it's simply a habit left over from their younger years.

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All In: 5 Ways This Week

From the silly to the sentimental, there are so many ways people like to go “all in” on something. Here are our five favorite examples we found this week across the internet.

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When you hear the words “all in,” what do you think? You might picture an elaborately-themed birthday party for a dog, or maybe a person giving a detailed presentation on why she's "Team Conrad." (IYKYK) Or maybe you picture a woman who takes up running, showing up every day to push herself and completely changing her body and her mindset in the process. Whatever you picture, the idea is the same: Someone who does something with 100 percent total commitment. Going “all in” means giving your all—going completely over the top, no second guessing, no holding back. Just full-throttle enthusiasm, with some flair and creativity thrown in. And when people go “all in,” something truly special usually happens as a result.


The internet abounds with examples of people giving it their all—whatever it is. In this roundup, we’ve found the very best examples of people going “all in”—moments where passion, creativity, and commitment take center stage. Some are sentimental, some are silly, but all of them are a reminder that giving 100 percent is truly the only way to leave a mark on this world. Get ready: These folks didn’t just show up, they went all in.

1. This unbelievable high note 

@sarahhardwigofficial Alone by #heart at #crosseyedcritters on @Joe Noto ‘s last night! Thanks for everything #karaoke #80smusic #fyp ♬ original sound - sarahhardwigofficial

Most of us music enthusiasts can agree that the song “Alone” by the American rock band Heart is one of the most passionate (and technically challenging) songs you can ever sing. It’s so challenging, in fact, that only singers with really incredible range—Celine Dion, for example, or vocal powerhouse Kelly Clarkson— dare to take it on. (If you don’t know the song by name, listen to any one of these clips and you’ll recognize it after a second or two.) So imagine our surprise, scrolling through TikTok, when we see a young singer covering “Alone” and dropping the high note so casually it looks like she sang this song out of pure spite. You almost can’t believe what you’re hearing—but it’s real. And the comments section is full of people who are completely gobsmacked (including a producer from American Idol). We just know we’re going to see this girl on stage again soon.

The ultimate healthy food collab

You already know our friends at All In—they’ve got some seriously tasty snacks that are not only healthy and affordable (scroll to the bottom of this article to see how you can snag a free box), they help fund food banks, gardens, community fridges, meal programs, and other amazing things. Lately, they’ve managed to take their awesomeness up a notch by teaming up with Fresh Truck, a weekly mobile market that brings fresh and affordable produce to neighborhoods in the Boston area. Fresh truck hosts weekly markets, pop-up events, and an online storefront, all to help strengthen communities who need it the most. They’re going all in on local nutrition and food access, and we’re here for it.

This fairy-themed proposal 

@kaylasuttons My sister's suprise fairy themed proposal was a huge success! Glad I could help organize it 💜🧚🏾‍♀️ @Halfcourt @Sway with Samone #fairycore #proposal #engaged #2027bride #BlackTikTok ♬ Ordinary (Wedding Version) - Alex Warren

Marriage is kind of the ultimate example of going “all in.” Think about it—you’re committing the rest of your life to someone til death do you part. That’s why when someone plans a super outrageous proposal, like the one you’re about to watch, that just makes everything all the more special. In this video, creator Kayla Sutton recorded her sister’s surprise wedding proposal, a fairy-themed event that the groom had been planning (according to a separate storytime video) since March of this year. He enlisted family and friends, decorated the venue, supplied food, and had the guests wear fairy-themed costumes, complete with elven ears, for the big moment. Now that’s dedication. Kudos to this dude—he went all out with the proposal in order to go “all in” on their relationship. (And she said “yes,” by the way!)

This "deeply personal" wedding tribute

Okay, not to make this entire article all about weddings, but this is a truly meaningful example of someone going “all in.” Content creator Kristin Marino (now Kristin Schnacky) got married in New York City last week and got, in her words, a surprise that made her bawl her eyes out: Several current and former members of the New York City Fire Department (FDNY) who showed up to honor her late father, a former firefighter who was killed in the line of duty during the September 11th terrorist attacks. The firefighters from Station One (the same firehouse where Marino’s father worked) transported Marino in a firetruck from the Plaza Hotel where she was staying to her wedding venue, where her soon-to-be-husband was waiting at the altar. “It truly was symbolism of my dad walking me down the aisle,” Marino shared. “I know it’s exactly how [my dad] would [have] wanted it.” We’re not crying, you’re crying.

Cat Town 

We can’t tell you why this thing exists, only that it does, and that it’s so elaborate, so detailed, and so expertly created we’re having a hard time even wrapping our heads around it. Here goes: Xing is a Chinese content creator who has spent the past several years creating (and documenting the creation of) an elaborate habitat for his pet cats, called Cat Town. We’re not talking about a room filled with toys and scratching posts, by the way: Xing has actually made a complete functioning replica of a human city, scaled down to accommodate cats. Cat Town has a working subway station, a supermarket, a theatre, and a restaurant (named MeowDonalds). Just…wow. And nicely done. Talk about a passion project.

Snag your free (!!) snack bars here while this deal lasts. Simply sign up with your phone number, pick two boxes of any flavor of All In bars at Sprouts, and then text a picture of your receipt through Aisle. They’ll Venmo or PayPal you back for the cost of one box. Enjoy!

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Millennial history teacher explains the 3 phases of Gen X and why they were ‘forgotten’

"They just want to be left alone."

via Canva/Photos

A cassette tape from the '80s.

Generation X occupies an interesting time in history, for those who care to recognize that they actually exist. They were born between 1965 and 1980 and came into this world at an interesting inflection point: women were becoming a larger part of the workplace and divorce was at the highest point in history. This left Gen X to be the least parented generation in recent history.

Gen X was overlooked in their domestic lives and culturally were overshadowed by Baby Boomers with their overpowering nostalgia for Woodstock, The Beatles, and every cultural moment celebrated in Forest Gump. Once Boomer navel-gazing nostalgia began to wane, a much larger and over-parented generation, the Millennials, came on the scene.

“Whereas Boomers were the ‘me generation’ and millennials were the ‘me me me generation,’ Gen X has become the ‘meh’ generation,” Emily Stewart writes at Business Insider. But even if Gen X is a little aloof, that doesn’t mean they aren’t totally rad, awesome, trippindicular, and that it’d be bogus to define them any other way. To explain the unique history of Gen X and why they’re often overlooked, history teacher Lauren Cella created a timeline on TikTok to explain them to her Gen Z students..

@laurencella92

A love letter to Gen X from your millennial cousin🫶 Gen X didn’t start the fire, so after this I will just leave them alone because they do not care 🤣 But seriously for a generation that sometimes gets “forgotten” and stuck between the larger boomer or millennial cohorts, the genres they created paved the way for pop culture as we know it. I’m still not sure who let kids watch “The Day After” on TV or play on those hot metal playgrounds, but Gen X survived to tell the tale. Today, the so called “latchkey” kids, born 1965-1980 are actually super involved as parents, aunts, uncles, teachers (or maybe even grandparents)😉. Kids today want to say they are “built different” but I think Gen X is the one holding down that title because they grew up tough, they saw too much, they made it out, and they know exactly who they are and wouldn’t have it any other way.✌️ #g#genx

In Cella’s video, she divides Gen X into three distinct phases.

Phase 1: 1970s stagflation and changing families

“Gas shortages meant stagflation. So parents either both had to work or maybe they were divorced. So that meant microwave TV dinners and kids that sort of raised themselves,” Cella explains. “There was no parenting blogs, there was no after-school travel sports, emailing. Like, none of that existed. Bored? Go outside."


Phase 2: The neon ‘80s

“But then came the 1980s, where everything was big and loud. The hair, the bangs, the Reaganomics, mass consumerism (because now we can trade with China). The whole media just exploded,” Cella says. “But now we have TV, we have movies, we have TV, movies, home movies, TV movies, favorite TV movies, music, music, Videos, music, video, television. All these different genres and all these different cliques and all these different ways that you can express yourself.”


Phase 3: 1990s post-Cold War Skepticism

“Gen X sort of comes into the 1990s more sarcastic and skeptical,” Cella continues. “The Cold War ending meant that they rejected the excess of the eighties. And there's the shift. Grunge, indie, alternative, flannels, Docs [Doc Martins]. At this point, the technology is also exploding, but not like fun home media, but like corporate media. So there's this resistance to sell-out culture.”


Cella has a theory on why Gen X seems forgotten, and it’s not just because CBS News famously denied its existence. She believes that it comes down to Gen X’s inability to call attention to itself. “So Gen X is a bridge between these two larger, more storied generations. So it's not necessarily that they get forgotten. They don't really want the attention. They're kind of fine to just like, fly under the radar like they always have, because honestly, it's whatever.”

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'Millennial parent whisperer' reveals 3 simple phrases that stop rude kids in their tracks

These three lines can "immediately set you on the path for a positive interaction."

via Hunter Johnson/Unsplash
A rude child sticking out his tongue.

At some point, every parent has to deal with a child who talks back and makes rude comments. It’s a normal part of growing up. But it’s a parent's job to stop it before it becomes an everyday behavior and an ingrained part of their personality.

Stopping rude behavior can be especially difficult for parents because it's easy to get upset and escalate the situation when their children talk back or act rudely.

The good news is that Dr. Becky is around to show us how to handle these situations like an adult. Dr. Becky Kennedy is a popular social media clinical psychologist who founded “Good Inside,” a program that helps support parents and children through every developmental phase. She's been called the "millennial parent whisperer," a fitting nickname she earned for her spot-on advice.

Dr. Becky shared 3 lines parents can use to respond to rudeness and talking back. “These will help you de-escalate the situation and immediately set you on the path for a positive interaction with your kid,” she says at the start of her video.

Line 1: “I hear you, and you must be really upset to say something like that to me.”

Line 2: “Look, all I’m saying is I know you’re a good kid, even when you say some not so good things.”

Line 3: “I know there’s another way you can say that to me. Do you want to try again?”

At first, a lot of folks may think that Dr. Becky is asking us to be too permissive of a kid who mouths off. But she has another perspective. “Now, I know what you might be thinking: ‘Am I just kind of permitting this rudeness?'” she says. “No! You are acting like an adult.” She says the key is avoiding being pulled into a power struggle or escalation of rudeness.

“You are not being pulled into a power struggle or rudeness escalation. Yes, it might feel good in the moment to say something like, ‘You can’t talk to me like that, you’re so disrespectful, no iPad tonight!’ But we know if we give rudeness back to our kid, they are just going to give more rudeness back to us. That is so ineffective and we have to be the adult. So try one of those lines and let me know how it goes,” Dr. Becky said.

rude child, child sticking out tongue, Dr. becky Screaming The Help GIF Giphy

The key question for parents to consider in this situation is: Am I reacting or responding to my child’s behavior? Dr. Becky believes we should respond to the situation calmly and redirect the child’s behavior.

One commenter put Dr. Becky’s advice into action and had a great result.

“This absolutely works! My son said something awful to me the other morning while getting ready for school. I thought of you , took a deep breath, and said, ‘Wow, you must be really upset to have said that to me’ and he just nodded and said, ‘I am.’ We hugged, he even apologized and we connected,” A commenter wrote.

A fellow therapist, Dr. Claudia Luiz, explained the psychological concept behind Dr. Becky’s advice a bit further.

“This is what psychoanalysis calls ‘fusion.’ When the bad is fused with good, it neutralizes toxic interactions. Fusion is hard to achieve. Negative feels eclipse the living, positive ones, leading to ‘rudeness.’ To get more ‘fused’ you start by processing your impatience with your own negative feelings. You can learn to appreciate why it’s hard to dislike and feel angry at your children with fusion to feel less intense or disregulated. With fusion, you can be more chill,” Dr. Luiz wrote.

rude kids, dr becky, raising goods kids, kid acting out, gentle parenting, parenting tips A kid sticking their tongue outPhoto credit: Canva

Dr. Becky’s advice is valuable because most parents would have a knee-jerk reaction to their child being rude and attempt to punish them or correct them in a harsh manner. However, Dr. Becky says that it’s best to diffuse the situation instead and that will make it less likely for the child to be rude because they aren’t getting the response they want. But what they are getting is something more, a chance to connect with a parent and an open, safe space to share their feelings without having to mask them in hostility.

Similarly, Dr. Becky has advised parents against putting too much energy into "fixing" things for their kids, saying "it's not our job to make kids happy." Instead, she suggests to essentially hold space for whatever discomfort or frustration the child is experiencing in the moment. This could mean literally sitting next to them, and offering them reassuring words like "I'm so glad you're talking to me about this/ I believe you/tell me more." And then, the hard part—not doing anything else.

Raising emotionally resilient kids isn't always the easiest thing, but it's so important for living a healthy adulthood. And often, as Dr. Becky's tips illustrate, a lot of it comes down with being able to "tolerate distress" ourselves as parents. Find even more expert-backed suggestions on how to do that by following Dr. Becky on Instagram.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Adults who lived through the 90s share 15 things we all misremember about the decade

"Not all Gen Xers were disinterested slackers in the '90s."

The Everett Collection

It wasn't all a grunge-filled barrel of laughs.

The '90s are often depicted as a golden age. A time of less violence, more money, better music, equal rights, unprecedented technological progress, and Beanie Babies instead of Labubus. A time of peace throughout the land.

However, take a quick romp through actual history and we see that when we take the rose-colored glasses off, the '90s weren’t without its less-that-stellar moments. Furthermore, there was a lot more nuance to it than teens wearing a bunch of flannel and listening to grunge music.

Across several Reddit threads, people who actually lived through the '90s have shared some prime examples of how we get the '90s wrong and elements we have completely forgotten about, from recalling society’s very unhealthy obsession with thinness, to police brutality, to the questionable hunter green/maroon craze (remember that?).

Take a scroll down memory lane with our 15 favorites:

1."The early 90s and late 90s were two very different times culturally. I can't stand it when I see a picture of the spice girls with a 'So 90s!' caption."

“There’s a HUGE difference between the early 90’s and late 90’s. After 1996 it was more millennial, Pokémon, Britney Spears vs the early 90’s which was more grunge and smooth RnB."

2. "Not all Gen Xers were disinterested slackers in the 90s."

"I graduated from university in 1991. I spent the 1990s trying to get a decent job, pay rent and generally just getting my shit together. Most other people my age seemed to be doing pretty much the same thing, unless they had rich parents."

3. "Nobody seems to talk about all the maroon and hunter-green wallpaper strips that were added to the top of the walls in houses. Maroon and hunter-green everywhere. From cars to vacuums and beyond."

"My comforter set for my freshman dorm (Fall 1994) was maroon on one side, hunter green on the other. I realized it was dark and depressing so I got a girlie daisy print bedspread for the rest of college."

4. "Money was tight then, too. People were happy with fewer luxuries, because we could get by. And the very idea of giving a child a device worth hundreds of dollars was ludicrous! I still feel this way."

5. "A lot of people talk about the 90s like it was a utopian decade. Sure, a lot of stuff was awesome. But there was also the AIDS epidemic, the crack epidemic, the heroin epidemic, lots of police brutality, the sharp uptick in domestic terrorism, etc. plus the casual sexism, racism, & homophobia. The hope for the future that started in late 1989 with the fall of the Berlin Wall and the heating up of our economy in the mid-90s only lasted until 2000. It was a very brief window, in retrospect."

6. "Female celebrities were shrinking to child sizes and getting praised for it. 'Thinspo' was a thing. ALL my friends group from high school and college, including myself, had eating disorders — Marlboro Light and Diet Coke for every meal. Our idea of sports was extreme cardio only. We were SO unhealthy. Thank God we were young enough to bounce back to normal without major issues."

7. "That Nirvana ruled the 90s, and killed off all other forms of hard rock. They hit hard for about two and a half years, and then we were stuck with Tonic and the goddamn Spin Doctors."

"A lot of people mention grunge and gangsta rap, but country was very hot too. Country line dancing became a big thing, Branson, Missouri became a big tourist destination with its theaters, and artists like Garth Brooks and Shania Twain made tons of money."

"I don't think the Riot Grrrl movement gets enough recognition and acknowledgment as an extremely significant 90s cultural event."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

8. "I think one idea that's misrepresented is that we were already online, all the time."

"I mean, I was STOKED when I got into the dorm with LAN connections in 1993, but I was an outlier. Lots of kids at my college barely understood using computers, much less anything internet-related beyond maybe an AOL/AIM. Obviously this was an evolution of ten very fast moving years."

9. "That mom Jeans were cool. No one under 35 wore them."

10. "Not everyone wore Doc Martens back in the 1990s. Many people wore military boots as a fashion statement that were often mistaken for Doc Martens, while others wore sneakers every day, even in venues where they should have been wearing more formal shoes."


- YouTube www.youtube.com

11. "Cellphones were considered tacky and unnecessary unless you were a doctor."

12 ."Not everyone got around on rollerblades."

13. "Property was cheaper, not cheap as in affordable to all."

14. "If your family lived in a rural area and wasn't rich enough to immediately buy a computer, you could be lonely in a way that people can't even comprehend now. I spent the last two years of high school doing nothing, watching TV and playing 16-bit RPGs repeatedly because I couldn't get anywhere or do anything."

15. "Drunk driving didn't have the stigma it does today. It took a long campaign waged by MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) to shift public perception on how dangerous drunk driving is."

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The mystery of how 'American Idol' found the legendary Kelly Clarkson on its first try

One of the best singers of all time was just a needle in a haystack.

Photos: Public Domain

Kelly Clarkson has come a long way since her American Idol days.

Kelly Clarkson can literally sing anything. That's simply undisputed fact at this point, as the Pop Princess continues to wow the world on pretty much a weekly basis with her powerful vocals. The woman takes hard songs, makes them harder to sing, and then knocks them out of the park every time. She's more than earned her rank among the world's greatest singers, which is remarkable considering how she initially rose to fame.

Some of us are old enough to remember seeing Kelly Clarkson for the first time 24 years ago, when she was just a 20-year-old aspiring singer and cocktail waitress auditioning for a new TV show in a dress she made herself. American Idol promised to find America's best singer from among the masses, but surely the likelihood of that really happening was slim, right? It's funny now to look back and recall how that first season of American Idol went down. Obviously, people know Kelly Clarkson won, but what people might not know or remember is that she didn't really stand out among the competition at the very beginning.

- YouTube youtu.be

She was a very good singer, don't get me wrong. But she wasn't as polished as she is now and there were other good singers (shout out to Tamyra Gray) and performers with a certain "X factor" (hello, Justin Guarini) in that first season that made the show genuinely competitive. As executive producer Nigel Lythgoe told Billboard, Kelly Clarkson didn't really stand out until the top 10 started competing.

“Justin Guarini and Tamyra Gray—we all said right from the beginning—those two. Tamyra was going to win,” said Lythgoe. “Kelly didn’t come through. The only thing that stood out was her humor. It was only when we got into the top 10 that all of a sudden, [when Kelly sang] people would stand there open-mouthed.”

What did stand out was Clarkson's personality. She was funny, likeable, and down-to-earth with a charming Texas twang in her speech. But her voice began to shine more and more as she sang songs that showcased her powerhouse soprano range. We watched her get better and better every week until the top three when it became clear she was going to win the whole thing. Even when she was suffering from laryngitis and could barely talk, she knocked Celine Dion's "I Surrender" out of the park to make it to the top three.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

It's wild to look back now and realize we were literally watching a star be born. But of course, the show was brand new. No one knew whether winning American Idol would really make someone a star with staying power. As we've seen in the decades since, it's not a guarantee. Not even close.

Yet here we are, still marveling at Kelly Clarkson's voice that somehow still keeps getting better and better. With a discography of some 550 songs in addition to countless live performances and her popular "Kellyoke" covers that put every karaoke enthusiast to shame, she's proven she can sing anything. She's sung some of the most iconic and challenging songs like they were nothing.

Watch her hit—and sometimes exceed—other artists' famous high notes for nine minutes straight (or at least skip to minute 8:35 to see how she out-high-notes Celine Dion in "All By Myself"):

- YouTube www.youtube.com

One thing hasn't changed, despite nearly two and a half decades of fame and some very public personal struggles—Clarkson is still the funny, loveable girl with the slight southern accent who makes people feel right at home in her presence. There's a reason she has her own successful talk show. Somehow, through all these years of stardom, she's remained humble and kind, as evidenced by her fangirly reaction to Celine Dion's praise after she sang (and nailed, of course) Dion's "My Heart Will Go On."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

How did American Idol find this gem among all the potential singers in the country on its very first try? It's a mystery. But how lucky were they that she signed up for the audition (despite having no idea what she was auditioning for—she told Jimmy Fallon that she didn't even know it was a TV show until the third audition) and gave them a genuine superstar for their first winner. At this point, it's hard to say whether Clarkson should be thanking American Idol for providing her big break or whether they should be thanking her for making the show continuously relevant even when other winners' careers have fizzled.

She really does just keep getting better vocally, and we should all count ourselves lucky that we're here to witness it.

@kellyclarksonshow

Never Let Go 💙 #kellyoke #kellyclarkson #celinedion #titanic #cover

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Mom admits she's not 'teacher's favorite’ because she doesn't care about grades

A lot of people feel the same, but are afraid to say it.

via Canva/Photos

A child who is bored in school.

A mother has stepped out and made a bold claim about her true feelings on her children’s education, and, surprisingly, a lot of people agree with her. Annie, who goes by @mom.behind.the.scenes on TikTok, believes that grades aren’t the best marker to measure a child’s developmental or emotional health.

Annie is a mother of four who has a unique family. She has one biological child and three adoptees. Given the struggles her family has had over the years, she’s a mental health advocate for children who’ve been involved with the foster care system. Annie is also a doula who really enjoys coffee and has some pretty severe PTSD.

Mom says she doesn’t care about grades

“I don't care about my kids' grades. Now, that might not make me the teacher's favourite, because I really never look at what grades my kids have. I truly don't care now if my kids are passionate about their grades,” she opens her video. “What matters to me is that my kids are doing their best and that they have the resources and the opportunities they need in order to do their very best.”

Annie believes that the child’s emotional health surpasses academic achievement

“I care more that they are mentally okay and emotionally okay and passionate about things in life and kind to other people. And those things are not defined by a letter on a piece of paper or a percentile,” she continues. “It doesn't work that way for the rest of life; it doesn't define who my kids are. If my kids have straight Cs, a D or two mixed in, and they're good humans, I'm good. That doesn't define who my children are.”

happy teens, group of kids, big smiles, smiling teens, group photos, A group of happy teens.via Canva/Photos

Surprisingly, many teachers in the comments agreed with Annie. "I'm a teacher who also doesn't really care about grades. I care that my students put forth effort. I tell my students they cannot fail my class if they show up every day and try, and that's true," a teacher wrote. "Yes! You are raising good humans, not good 'students.’ I love that. As a teacher, that’s what I care about in my students," another added. "As a teacher, I have learned that you are correct and the system isn't what's best for everyone," another teacher wrote.

Motivation is the key to real learning

happy tween boy, happy kid, kid with arms raised, headphones, laptop, green shirt A kid wearing headphones raising his arms in celebration.

Ashley Lamb-Sinclair, a high-school instructional coach and the 2016 Kentucky Teacher of the Year, says that motivation is often an overlooked part of child development. “A willingness to learn for its own sake represents intrinsic motivation, while grades and other accolades represent extrinsic. Research has shown time and again that intrinsic motivation leads to more profound learning. The truth is that the willingness to learn leads to achievement, but so often achievement is the only part that matters to others,” Lamb-Sinclair writes in The Atlantic.

We all have different experiences and priorities with our children, and every family has its unique advantages and struggles. Annie’s philosophy may not be right for everyone, but it is a reminder that grades aren’t everything; there are a lot of qualities that we should develop in children that go far beyond the three Rs.

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