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This is the obituary of a 'very sick man' and it's so funny you'll wish you knew him

That said, you'd never want to date one of his daughters.

via Legacy.com

The obituary for Joe Heller

Joe Heller (1937 - 2019) of Essex, Connecticut appears to have lived a full life: he was in the Navy, worked at the Yale library, and raised three daughters. But he was also a hoarder, a hardcore napper, and loved pulling pranks that involved feces.

Well, as Abe Lincoln once said, "A man without vices is a man without virtues." His hilarious obituary, believed to be penned by one of his daughters, is going viral because it paints a loving picture of a man who clearly didn't take life too seriously — a lesson we could all use from time to time.

The obituary opens with a helluva zinger.

Joe Heller made his last undignified and largely irreverent gesture on Sept. 8, 2019, signing off on a life, in his words, 'generally well-lived and with few regrets.' When the doctors confronted his daughters with the news last week that 'your father is a very sick man,' in unison they replied, 'you have no idea.'


Joe Heller, obituaries, funny, death, dying, humor, family Joe Heller's obituary photoImage via the Hartford Courant obituaries

In his youth, Heller played the role of a prankster.

Being the eldest was a dubious task but he was up for the challenge and led and tortured his siblings through a childhood of obnoxious pranks, with his brother, Bob, generally serving as his wingman. Pat, Dick and Kathy were often on the receiving end of such lessons as "Ding Dong, Dogsh*t" and thwarting lunch thieves with laxative-laced chocolate cake and excrement meatloaf sandwiches. His mother was not immune to his pranks as he named his first dog, "Fart," so she would have to scream his name to come home if he wandered off.


He met the "love of his life" at work and his daughter can't believe he fooled her into marriage.

Joe was a self-taught chemist and worked at Cheeseborough-Ponds where he developed one of their first cosmetics' lines. There he met the love of his life, Irene, who was hoodwinked into thinking he was a charming individual with decorum. Boy, was she ever wrong. Joe embarrassed her daily with his mouth and choice of clothing. To this day we do not understand how he convinced our mother, an exceedingly proper woman and a pillar in her church, to sew and create the colorful costumes and props which he used for his antics.

Heller had a knack for creatively intimidating his daughters' boyfriends.

Growing up in Joe's household was never dull. If the old adage of "You only pull the hair of those you love" holds true, his three daughters were well loved. Joe was a frequent customer of the girls' beauty shops, allowing them to "do" his hair and apply make-up liberally. He lovingly assembled doll furniture and built them a play kitchen and forts in the back yard. During their formative years, Joe made sure that their moral fibers were enriched by both Archie Bunker and Benny Hill. When they began dating, Joe would greet their dates by first running their license plates and checking for bald tires. If their vehicle passed inspection, they were invited into the house where shotguns, harpoons and sheep "nutters" were left clearly on display.


obituaries, funny, death, dying, familyStuck on you! #snoopy #woodstock #stickers #forsale #colle… | Flickrwww.flickr.com

He never met a dog he didn't like.

After retiring from running Bombaci Fuel, he was perhaps, most well-known for his role as the Essex Town "Dawg Kecher." He refused to put any of his "prisoners" down and would look for the perfect homes for them. One of them was a repeat offender who he named "A**hole" because no owner would ever keep him for very long because he was, in fact, an a**hole. My Dad would take his buddy on daily rides in his van and they'd roam around town with the breeze blowing through both of their fur. He never met a dog he didn't like, the same could not be said for the wanna-be blue bloods, snoots and summer barnacles that roamed about town.

He had a small issue with hoarding.

Joe was a frequent shopper at the Essex Dump and he left his family with a house full of crap, 300 pounds of birdseed and dead houseplants that they have no idea what to do with. If there was ever a treasure that he snatched out from under you among the mounds of junk, please wait the appropriate amount of time to contact the family to claim your loot.

Joe Heller, obituaries, death, dying, family, humor, funnyA hoarder's garageImage via Canva

Heller was born with an innate napping ability.

Joe was also a consummate napper. There wasn't a road, restaurant or friend's house in Essex that he didn't fall asleep on or in. There wasn't an occasion too formal or an event too dour that Joe didn't interrupt with his apnea and voluminous snoring.

According to the obituary, Heller will be laid to rest on Friday, September 13, at 10:00 am in Centerbrook Cemetery, but his family urges attendees to dress casually.

Joe despised formality and stuffiness and would really be ticked off if you showed up in a suit. Dress comfortably. The family encourages you to don the most inappropriate T-Shirt that you are comfortable being seen in public with as Joe often did. Everybody has a Joe story and we'd love to hear them all. Joe faced his death and his mortality, as he did with his life, face on, often telling us that when he dropped dead to dig a hole in the back yard and just roll him in.

You can read the entire obituary at Legacy.com.


This article originally appeared on 9.10.19

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From quilts to embroidery: Creative ways artists memorialize those who've passed away.

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Everyone who's lost a loved one has memories and stories of them that they will always treasure.

Talking about those memories and sharing them with others can help people cope with grief and also to celebrate the legacy of their loved one. Something else that's a good healing tool? Art.

Artist Bisa Butler uses quilting to memorialize those who've died.  

"I’ve suffered loss and I know that longing for that person," she said.

For the past 15 years, Butler has turned loss into warmth and comfort through commemorative quilts. She bases her quilts on photographs of loved ones — including her own grandmother as she neared the end of life. Butler works to find ways to pour extra meaning into her quilts; for her grandmother's quilt, for example, she incorporated violets into the pattern because that was also her grandmother's name.

When Butler was tasked with making a quilt to honor the late Howard Fitch, she used parts of a military shirt to commemorate his service and commitment to his country.

"Abundant Blessings" image via Bisa Butler, used with permission.

Butler made the quilt for Dawn Fitch, Howard's daughter, as part of Prudential's "Masterpiece of Love"campaign. The series honors life, love, loss, and the power of the human spirit by bringing together four artists with four survivors of loss to create works that celebrate their loved ones.

Butler's quilt of Fitch was intended not only to celebrate him, but to provide comfort and protection to his family.

"For me, the very nature of looking at fabric stitched is a comfort," she said. "For people to have that tangible piece, it's not only something nice to look at, it's something nice to touch."

Artist Christine DaCruz discovered a different way of interpreting death — through an embroidery project.

During an artist residency that focused on how news is interpreted, DaCruz got an idea to embroider obituaries from The New York Times.

"The shift became to not necessarily talk about their death but to reflect on their life," she said. "I thought the New York Times' obituaries did such a good job at collecting the stories of how these people lived and what was important to them."

Image from "The Obituaries" via Christine DaCruz, used with permission.

In "The Obituaries," a series that can be found on her website, DaCruz takes photographs used in obituaries and hand-stitches colored thread through the paper to embellish the photos. What makes them extra interesting is how she draws outside of the cropped photo images to include what she imagines the rest of the photo to look like.

Image from "The Obituaries" via Christine DaCruz, used with permission.

It's just one way she likes to celebrate life and learn people's histories — even if they may be strangers.

"We are all affected by [death]," DaCruz noted, "but just reflecting on the person's life and all the good they brought into the world and how they affected people positively is a way to embrace and celebrate them."

When DaCruz was asked to memorialize the life of Mickey McNany, she knew just the route to take.

Mickey, the late mother of Ryan McNany, is another of the loved ones featured in Prudential's "Masterpiece of Love" series.

McNany was the founding director of the Theatre School at the Paper Mill Playhouse. Even after losing her fight with late-stage cancer, she continues to touch countless lives; 87% of the kids McNany mentored throughout the years have ended up in a career in theater arts.

"She was a force to be reckoned with," said DaCruz, after learning McNany's story.

Mickey McNany. Image via Prudential, used with permission.

McNany helped so many people realize their dreams, DaCruz thought, so why not give her her own playbill cover?

DaCruz used inspiration for the piece "Show Biz Kid" from a photo of McNany doing what she loved: teaching.

"Showbiz Kid" by Christine DaCruz. Image via Prudential, used with permission.

"She motivated all these kids to get out on stage and break out of their isolated boxes," DaCruz recalled. "She helped them come out of her comfort zone."

Art — whether it’s writing, painting, dancing, observing, or something else — can be a productive outlet to promote healing and expression.

There's a reason art therapy is becoming an increasingly popular method of care. Art, prayer, and healing can help to bring one's thoughts inward, and that journey can be deeply transformative.

"People really connect with art," DaCruz said. "Even if they don’t visit museums on a regular basis, everybody is drawn to something beautiful, especially if it’s about something they recognize."

"What’s more recognizable than somebody they love?"

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Tilikum, SeaWorld orca whale and subject of 'Blackfish,' dies at 35.

Tilikum, the SeaWorld orca whale and subject of the documentary "Blackfish," passed away on Jan. 6, 2017. He was 35.

Image from Milan Boers/Wikimedia Commons.

The cause of death will be officially determined after a necropsy, but veterinarians were treating Tilikum for a bacterial lung infection and other age-related health issues at the time of his death, according to a statement from SeaWorld.

Tilikum was likely born in the fall of 1981, as the member of a larger pod of wild orcas.

A wild orca whale and her calf near the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in 2014. Image from Mike Charest/Flickr.

Orcas, also known as killer whales, are social animals that often live in large, tight-knit groups led by older females. As a newborn, Tilikum would have likely lived with his mother, as well as aunts, cousins, and his grandmother.

However, in 1983, Tilikum was captured and separated from his pod off the coast of Iceland.

A pod of orcas off the coast of Iceland in 2014. Image from Brian Gratwicke/Flickr.

Tilikum was captured as part of a commercial hunt organized to supply orcas to aquariums and shows. He was kept at the Hafnarfjördur Marine Zoo in Iceland before being sold to Sealand of the Pacific, a public aquarium in British Columbia. It was there that he received the name "Tilikum," which means "friend" in Chinook, a Native American language.

In 1991, after Sealand of the Pacific announced that it was closing, SeaWorld became interested in purchasing Tilikum. And, after SeaWorld and the government of Iceland determined that Tilikum's release into the wild was not feasible, SeaWorld bought him in November 1991.

SeaWorld is where most of the public became acquainted with Tilikum.

Image from David R. Tribble/Wikimedia Commons.

While at SeaWorld, Tilikum often worked with trainers and took part in public shows.

“He had a very sweet personality," says Jeffrey Ventre, one of Tilikum's former trainers. "He was always excited to see you in the morning when you came in.”

But though Tilikum had a sweet personality, his life was not necessarily easy.

While in captivity, as a young whale, Tilikum was often bullied by the other orcas, both at SeaWorld and Sealand of the Pacific, says Ventre. Other whales would sometimes rake him with their teeth, leaving long, bloody gashes in his side.

SeaWorld often had to keep him from the other whales for his own protection.

“He was a picked-upon soul," says Ventre.

Tilikum in an observation tank. Image from Sawblade5/Wikimedia Commons.

Unfortunately, this also meant social isolation and boredom. Orcas are highly social animals and while trainers often worked with Tilikum and provided him with different toys, he probably did not get the level of stimulation that he would have in the wild.

And it may have been this combination of stress, isolation, and boredom that Ventre thinks led to Tilikum's darker moments.

Tilikum is perhaps best known for his involvement in the deaths of three people, which resurfaced in the documentary "Blackfish."

The first incident actually happened in 1991, at Sealand of the Pacific, before he arrived at SeaWorld, where Tilikum joined his two other orca poolmates in killing a student and part-time trainer. It was this incident, in fact, that led to Sealand of the Pacific's closure and Tilikum's move to SeaWorld.

The other two incidents occurred at SeaWorld: the first in 1999, when a nighttime intruder was found drowned in Tilikum's tank, and the second in 2010, when Tilikum held his SeaWorld trainer Dawn Brancheau underwater until she drowned. Tilikum was temporarily removed from the public eye in 2010, but returned to performing in March 2011.

Image by Gerardo Mora/Getty Images.

These incidents and Tilikum's prior treatment at the hands of Sealand and SeaWorld were the subject of Gabriela Cowperthwaite's 2013 documentary "Blackfish," which inspired a significant backlash against the practice of keeping orcas in captivity.

Since these incidents and the release of "Blackfish," SeaWorld has implemented new safety procedures to limit and remove human contact with the orcas, has decided to end the orca shows at in U.S. locations, and more recently, announced that it is putting an end to its controversial breeding program.

On March 8, 2016, it was announced that Tilikum was suffering from a serious, potentially fatal lung infection. It may have been this infection that took his life on Jan. 6.

Whether you see Tilikum as a a magnificent, but inherently dangerous animal or a tragic captive, his death is a moment for mourning.

Tilikum during a performance at SeaWorld. Photo by Gerardo Mora/Getty Images.

People who saw Tilikum perform or who watched "Blackfish" couldn't help but feel some sort of emotional connection to him. Perhaps because Tilikum embodied both the worst and best of the relationship between people and nature.

In the end, Tilikum's story inspired us all to care more — and for that, he's a creature worth saying a heartfelt good-bye to.

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