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Grandma goes viral with 3 perfect, hilarious rules for her funeral

We finally know why Bertha's not invited.

Grandma goes viral for her three simple yet hilarious 'funeral rules'
Grandma goes viral for her three simple yet hilarious 'funeral rules'

Forget kids. Grandmas say the darndest things. One grandma in particular took TikTok by storm for her brutally honest, yet hilarious “funeral rules.” And though Grandma Lill adds the caveat that it won’t be anytime soon, you had better remember these rules when the day finally comes. Or there might be two funerals to plan.

95-year-old Grandma Lill is no stranger to the spotlight. Her social media bios all read “I’m a celebrity” and she’s not foolin’ around. She has her own clothing line, YouTube Channel and her name has been uttered by the likes of Jimmy Kimmel and Steve Harvey. She’s basically the internet’s favorite granny.


TikTok · grandma_droniakwww.tiktok.com


But this video takes the cake at a whopping 50 million views. She’s gone full-blown viral now. Probably because she inadvertently brings up some little gems of wisdom we could all apply to dealing with the passing of a loved one.

Or maybe it's just cause she's delightfully cantankerous. Either way, it makes for some wholesome entertainment.

Without further ado, here are those three important rules:

1. Cry. But not too much.

Or, as Grandma Lill puts it, “don’t make a fool of yourself.”

Funerals can be just as much about commemorating as they are expressing grief. We can also share the happy memories we have of those who have passed, not just shed tears.

I think this is what grandma Lill was getting at. Or maybe she just doesn’t like you stealing the attention.

2. Bertha ISN'T invited.

Whoever this Bertha chick is … she messed up. She messed up big time. Bertha, you have been CANCELED.

And hey, why shouldn’t we decide who’s on the invite list for our last big day? If, for example, there’s a family member who caused a lot of pain, or with whom we just didn’t share a kinship … perhaps there doesn’t have to be an obligation to invite them to these major life moments.

Basically, this is your permission slip to openly decline any and all Berthas in your life. That goes for weddings, birthday parties, baby showers … you name it. Don’t let her in!

3. Get drunk afterward.

As long as you take a shot for Grandma Lill.

After the ceremony honors what’s lost, take a moment to let go and move forward with the life that is still around you. Something tells me that letting it all go and celebrating life is something Grandma Lill’s a pro at.

Check out Grandma Lill's 'Funeral Rules' below:

@grandma_droniak

it wont be any time soon but dont forget it #funeral #grandma #rules #dontcry #funeralservices #wake #greenscreen

Thousands of commenters chimed in to celebrate Lill's rules. But the overwhelming sentiment from almost every single one of them was: We need the full story of the beef with Bertha!

Lucky for us, all was revealed two years later when Grandma Lills made a video about attending Bertha's funeral. Bertha had, allegedly, tried to hook up with Lill's late husband. Not cool, Bertha! "I always knew I would outlive her," grandma joked.

In another recent viral video, Lill spoofs popular "Get Ready With Me" videos from other influencers by bringing the viewer along as she gets dressed for a funeral. Of course, funerals aren’t the only topic Grandma Lill can make you laugh about.

Her TikTok channel is a carefully curated gallery of pure funny. Everything from bingo jokes to advice for getting back at your ex (yeah, she shows no mercy) can be found here.


@grandma_droniak

rip arthur. who knows what we could have been

No one likes funerals, least of all the person who's there to be mourned. It's why the idea of the Irish Wake is so popular — a spirited celebration of life that encourages laughter and merriment. Grandma Lills definitely has the right idea about how she wants to go out, and now that it's cemented in Internet lore, her kids and grandkids will be forced to honor her wishes when the day comes.

This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.

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Family

Woman hosts 'living funeral' for her dying sister and calls the experience 'magical'

“I would describe it as an exclamation point at the end of a sentence. The sentence of her life."

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Living funerals can provide closure and comfort.

What do you do when you or a loved one becomes terminally ill? When the inescapable end all but sends a morbid telegram announcing its arrival? Do you "go gentle into that good night," filling the final days with solemn reverence and aching nostalgia? Or do you go out with a bang, choosing instead to savor whatever else life still has to offer?

For Heidi Satterthwaite, the choice was obvious.

Her sister, Jenna Satterthwaite, shared on BBC’s “Woman’s Hour” that Heidi had been diagnosed with a rare type of cancer known as myelodysplastic syndrome (MDS), which occurs when blood-forming cells found in bone marrow are abnormal, back in 2018.

Before her death, Heidi made a heartfelt request to her sister—that they throw a party with all of their family and friends.

Jenna was happy to fulfill her sister’s wish and began sending out invitations. To their surprise, 200 people showed up, many traveling long distances and canceling plans to show up and say their goodbyes.

The “massive event” was very akin to a wedding, Jenna recalled, filled with the merriment of dancing, an “explosive playlist,” heartfelt speech and catered food. Heidi and her husband even closed out the night by dancing to the same song they danced at for their own wedding.

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Heidi Satterthwaite dancing her heart out

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“It was just this magical and pain-filled celebration of her life,” Jenna told BBC. “I would describe it as an exclamation point at the end of a sentence. The sentence of her life.”

After Heidi’s death, Jenna took to X, the platform formerly known as Twitter, to share a touching poem titled “Advice for the Dying,” created in part to encourage others with “the curse of advance notice,” to host a party, not a funeral, because funerals aren’t as “fun.”

 

As Alexandra Keeler, contributor for Big Think, brilliantly lays out, the concept of “living funerals” might not exactly be mainstream, but it has been around for a long time. Though the exact origins are unknown, living funerals have historical roots both in indigenous and ancient Japanese cultures, who would use the tradition to gain closure, make amends, show respect and generally provide ease of passage.

The idea was also incorporated in Mitch Albom’s popular “Tuesdays with Morrie.” As Morrie reflects on his colleague’s passing, he says, “What a waste. All those people saying all those wonderful things, and Irv never got to hear any of it.” So Morrie decides to gather a small group of friends and family to honor their beloved Irv.

As religion takes on less significance for many, it’s not surprising that more and more people are taking an interest in creating their own customized rituals for saying goodbye, whether that’s trading the formality for more festive, personal traditions during the funeral itself, or conducting a living funeral that allows the ailing person (and the ones they’ll leave behind) some measure of autonomy and joy during an otherwise bleak and gloomy situation.

For Jenna, giving Heidi a living funeral “was a moment to pause and acknowledge a beautiful life.”

"We don’t do that often. We’re bad at celebrating. We’re always looking to the next thing and shifting goalposts,” she said. “So it was really special to come together and kind of close that sentence as a group and say, ‘This was her life, she lived it well.’ Exclamation point.”

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"She was the best person I’ve ever known ."

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It’s no easy task to say goodbye to a loved one, but choosing to make it an event can be helpful for everyone.

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Wellness

Zoom memorials highlight the ironic cruelty of trying to mourn together during the pandemic

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Earlier this month, I attended my first Zoom wedding. A week after that, I attended a Zoom baby shower.

Tomorrow, I'll attend a Zoom gathering to mourn the loss of a family friend. His name was Peter. He died of COVID-19 last week.

This gathering isn't technically a funeral or memorial service, but rather a virtual devotional taking place on Zoom at the same time as Peter's physical burial. A few close friends and family will gather at the gravesite—masked and distanced—while the rest of us share readings and prayers over Zoom to honor his interment.

It's weird. There's no other way to say it. With the wedding and baby shower, we all sort of laughed our way through the weirdness. We acknowledged the bummer of not being able to get together, but at this point we're all accustomed to having to meet virtually. Zoom celebrations are better than no celebrations at all.

But mourning this way feels...different. We can't laugh away the awkwardness of it when the Zoom meeting itself is a reminder of the tragic cause of our friend's death.

Celebratory gatherings are fun, but not necessary. Gathering when someone dies feels necessary in a way, and the inability to do that adds an extra layer of loss to the grief we're already experiencing. Normally, our whole community would gather together to honor Peter's life tomorrow. We'd put on appropriate funeral attire, stand side by side at his grave, hold hands or hug one another as we mark the momentousness of his passing. We'd all bring food and break bread together as we share stories of his life. We'd pass around tissues, crying and laughing and sharing in the oh-so-human experience of bringing together the lives he had touched.

But we can't do any of that. If we did, we'd run the risk of having to do it all over again for another friend or loved one taken too soon by this stupid virus. So we do what we can do and deal with the strange questions—What does one wear to a Zoom mourning? How long it will be before we can actually gather for a real memorial service? Will it feel like it's too late then? Will we want to do that in the midst of celebrating a return to non-distanced life?

This pandemic has taken so much, and each thing stings in its own way. The death toll itself is overwhelming, especially here in the U.S. where we have already lost more than 330,000 lives. A hundred 9/11s and counting. Five Vietnams in less than a year. It's unreal. In the beginning, we were told that all of us would likely end up knowing someone who died of COVID-19, and some people have now lost multiple family members. More will follow as we head into the deadliest month of the pandemic. That's not doom and gloom forecasting—that's the reality of the current moment.

But the loss of in-person mourning as millions are losing loved ones before they expected to is a tragedy in and of itself. There's a cruel irony in it, that we can't gather in person to mourn if we want to stop the thing that's making it so we can't gather in person to mourn. When we need the comfort of coming together the most, we can't, as indulging in that comfort could lead to even more suffering. Of all of the sacrifices we've had to make, the loss of communal mourning is one of the hardest.

And so we open our computers and enter our virtual meeting rooms and try to comfort one another through our grief amid the inevitable unmute reminders. It's weird. It all feels wrong. But it's necessary. We need to mourn our losses together. We also need to be able to mourn the fact that we're not able to do that the way we want to.

There is gratitude to be found in all of this, of course. It's pretty incredible that we live in a time when we have the technology to at least see one another's faces and hear people's voices as we share our losses at a distance. If this pandemic had hit in my childhood, we'd have had no community ability to mourn at all. A Zoom gathering to mourn is better than no gathering at all—but it's still all of the weird, wrong, sad things at once.

And what's extra painful about it is that it didn't have to be this way. Next time we have a pandemic, let's all agree to just follow New Zealand's lead, shall we? Hundreds of thousands of Zoom funerals really ought to be enough to get us all on the same page.

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