In the game of life, it helps to have a few cheat codes.
Science says that humans are naturally social creatures, but often in real life, nothing about interacting with others feels natural. Even the most confident people can struggle with what to say, how to read a room, or when to jump into a conversation.
But according to Reddit, there are a handful of clever tricks that can give anyone a boost. When one user posed the question, “What’s an actual psychological ‘cheat code’ you use in social situations that works almost every time?” responses flooded in, revealing simple strategies for everything from memory recall to dealing with an enemy.
Here are our favorites below:
1. Act like everyone loves you, even strangers
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“I pretend everyone I meet is in love with me. I mean, not literally. I’m not a complete narcissist. But I’ll start conversations with strangers who give me a smile or a knowing look. Assuming they like me makes me feel more likable. I’ve made friends more easily in my 30s than I did at any other time in my life.”
2. Switch gears during times of anger by getting a “yes”
“When someone is angry—like irrationally, psychotically angry—get them to say ‘yes’ to anything. (E.g. Are you mad? Do you want help? Do you want me to give you space?) It engages a different part of the brain, and after that’s engaged, you can help them with problem solving.”
3. Visualize it going well
“Before I go to an event, I imagine the room, the people in it, and the way I want to feel while I’m in the room. Sometimes I imagine a light sweeping over everyone like it’s sprinkling good vibes. I’ve noticed that it makes me feel more confident and easy going when I have some anxiety about going somewhere.”
4. Deal with a loud talker by speaking quietly
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“Speaking at a lower volume if someone is being unnecessarily loud. One of my best friends has a LOUD voice she is completely unaware of, which can be incredibly annoying when we’re in public, so I will lower my speaking volume and she will subconsciously lower hers to match my volume.”
5. Make peace with silence
“Being comfortable in silence is power. Especially in any sort of negotiation, complaint, somebody asking for something or vice versa. For some reason when you stay quiet, people break.”
6. Build people up behind their back
“Build up people who are part of the same social circle but aren’t currently present. For example, if you’re out at dinner with your normal circle of friends and one of them isn’t there, talk them up and share something positive about them to the rest of the group. Without consciously thinking about it, we start to become aware of the kind of things people in our social circles say about us when we’re not present.”
7. Use flattery to deal with an enemy
“Someone doesn’t like you? Give them a genuine compliment. Keyword: genuine.”
8. Raise a brow. Two, actually.
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“Raise my eyebrows when I smile hello. Usually we only do that for people we recognize so it makes people feel like they are already accepted.”
9. Take note of last conversation you had with someone
“Remember what they said to you the last time you saw them. If you last saw them a month ago, if you remember they were doing a thing, remember that thing and mention it.”
10. A simple trick when you don’t remember someone
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“If someone comes up to you and says hi, and you can’t remember how you know that person, then say ‘how have you been’ instead of ‘how are you.’ 99% of the time they’ll start telling you about something that was going on the last time they saw you, and that will jog your memory about where you know them from.”
11. React to repetition with kindness
“It’s a small one, but it comes up often enough that it’s been useful. People often repeat themselves and a knee-jerk response to someone bringing up something you’d already heard about is ‘You’ve told me this already,’ which incidentally has a somewhat negative connotation to it. Instead of saying that, say ‘I remember you told me about this.’ It’s more kindly affirming to the other person that you’ve listened when they told you the details/story in the past while also serving as a gentle reminder that they’ve already shared it.”
12. Smile at passive aggression
“An effective way to deal with passive-aggressive comments is ‘stupid and cheerful.’ Don’t read into their comment, rise above it.”
13. Treat all staff with dignity
“Always learn the names of the front office receptionists, custodians, maintenance crew at your place of work/volunteering/etc. Always say hello to them and treat them like human beings. You would be surprised at how nice they treat you and help you out.”
14. Let yourself be corrected
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“When you want to learn something – facts, rumors, gossip, etc. State the fact but leave 1 detail intentionally wrong. The other person will love to correct you and give you ALL the information. It feeds their ego, you learn what you wanted, everyone is happy with the result. It works when I use it. I know it works on me as well.”
And finally…
15. Pretend the person you’re talking to is about to die
“One thing that I’ll do when someone is irritating or boring me is to imagine (to myself! silently!) that they will actually die in the next 24 hours, painlessly. My job, then, is to help them have a good final 24 hours. It sounds morbid, but it’s not. There’s meaning and joy that can be pulled out of many moments, even dull and irritating ones.”
At their core, many of these tricks are really just a different way of choosing kindness. And that truly is a strategy that works every time.
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