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Hospice nurse shares clue she uses to know if someone is dying 6 months before it happens

"Allow the body to be the guide."

via Sabinevanerp/Pixabay

An old woman holding a cane.

Death is the last great mystery that all of us face. We don’t know when we will go or can really be sure what comes next. So there’s understandably a lot of fear and uncertainty that most of us feel around death, whether we’re thinking about ourselves or a loved one.

That’s why Julie McFadden's work is so important. As a palliative care nurse in the Los Angeles area, who has seen over a hundred people die, her TikTok videos shed light on the process to make us all a bit more comfortable with the inevitable.

McFadden is also the author of the bestseller, “Nothing to Fear.”

The nurse’s experience helping people in their final stages has given her a unique perspective on the process. In a recent video, she shared how she can see the first symptoms that someone is going to die a natural death about 6 months before they finally do.

Interestingly, she can determine that someone only has half a year left to live when most of us have no idea they have entered the final stages of life.

@hospicenursejulie

Replying to @Mariah educating yourself about scary topics will help decrease fear. ✨Nothing to Fear ✨- my book- out june 11th #hospicenursejulie #hospicenurse #caregiversoftiktok #medicaltiktok #learnontiktok #nothingtofearbook

What are the symptoms of dying at the 6-month mark?

McFadden adds that people who are dying are usually placed in hospice care when the symptoms begin to appear around the 6-month mark.

"You will have very generalized symptoms. Those symptoms will usually be, one, you will be less social. So you'll be more introverted than extroverted," McFadden said. "Two, you will be sleeping a lot more. And three, you will be eating and drinking a lot less. Literally, everyone on hospice, I see this happen to."

heaven, clouds, ray of lightA Ray of light over a mountain. via PIxbay/Pexels



What are the symptoms of dying at the 3-month mark?

You are going to notice more debility,” McFadden continues. “They will be staying in their house most of the time. It's going to be difficult getting up and just going to the bathroom. Again, sleeping a lot more and eating and drinking a lot less.”

What are the symptoms of dying at the 1-month mark?

Something usually begins to happen in the final month of someone’s life. They start to believe they are in contact with others they have lost. It’s like they are there to make the dying person feel comfortable with their final transition.

"Usually around the one month mark is when people will start seeing 'the unseen', they have the visioning. They'll be seeing dead relatives, dead loved ones, dead pets, old friends who have died,” McFadden said. “Again, not everyone — but many, many people will start seeing these things at around one month."

heaven, death, trumpetAn angel with a trumpet.via PixaBay/Pexels

Angela Morrow, a registered nurse at Verywell Health, agrees that people in the final stage of life often hear from those who have passed before them. Morrow says we should refrain from correcting the patients when they share their stories of talking to people and pets who have died. "You might feel frustrated because you can't know for sure whether they're hallucinating, having a spiritual experience, or just getting confused. The uncertainty can be unsettling, but it's part of the process," Morrow writes.

At the end of the video, McFadden says that the most important factors palliative care nurses look at to determine the stage of death are eating, drinking and sleeping. “Most people, a few weeks out from death, will be sleeping more than they are awake. And they will be barely eating and barely drinking,” McFadden said.

i.giphy.com

In the end, hospice nurses “allow the body to be the guide” as they help their patients transition from life to death.

McFadden’s work has brought a lot of peace to her followers as they go through trying times. "My mom is in hospice right now and she’s currently, I think, hours or days from death. YourTikToks have helped me out tremendously," Deb wrote. "My grandma passed away in February, and she experienced all of this. this page brings me peace knowing everything she went through was natural," Jaida added.

"Thanks, Julie. I volunteer in a hospice end-of-life facility, and this helps educate the families. Your posts are wonderful," Grandma Nita wrote.

One of the things that makes death so scary is the number of unknowns surrounding the process. That’s why it’s so important that McFadden shares her stories of helping people to the next side. She shows that death is a natural process and that hospice nurses are here to help make the transition as peaceful as possible.

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Pop Culture

Jack Black serenading a 'School of Rock' fan has people celebrating the comedian's kindness

A delightful moment from a delightful human being.

@veroz714/Instagram

Jack Black delighted a young "School of Rock" fan who is in hospice care.

On screen, Jack Black is known for his comedic antics, versatile acting career and musical talents. Off screen, he appears to be a walking whirlwind of endlessly entertaining and loveable energy. (Did you see his quarantine dance? Epic.)

And as it turns out, he's also a darn good human being.

Black hosts the Layla Paige and Friends Walk for TrinityKids Care, which raises funds for a hospice program that provides compassionate end-of-life care to children and adolescents in Los Angeles and Orange counties in Southern California. This year's event was held on October 8, and a video from a family who met Black there is a sweet example of how celebrities can truly make a difference.

Abraham is a 15-year-old with a rare mitochondrial disease called Pearson syndrome, who has been in palliative care with TrinityKids Care for the past year. Abraham's mother, Veronica, told Upworthy that Abraham's nurse knew of his love for the movie "School of Rock," so she arranged for him to meet Black, who starred in the movie, at the event.

As they were introduced by the nurse, Black took Abraham's hand and then knelt down to his level. Abraham told him that he was a "School of Rock" fan. When prompted about a song from the film, Abraham sang a bit. Then Black busted out a mini serenade of "In the End of Time."

Watch:

You can see the joy in Abraham's face as Black sang to him, and the enthusiasm with which he responded.

"It’s almost been a week since the meet and Abraham is still talking about how he got to meet Jack," says Veronica.

People are loving the interaction, as shown by the comments on the video:

"Jack Black has a kindness to him that you can hear in his voice. It’s always easy to forget that it doesn’t take much to do a kind deed, and being kind to others makes you happier, so it’s a win-win."

"Jack Black is truly a pure, humble, KIND soul! Very rare! Love him forever! 💗💗💗💗"

"I don't want to trust any celebrity but I trust Jack Black with my life."

"Jack Black is now sharing the top echelon of great human beings with Keanu Reeves. ❤️"

What a special moment for this young man and his family. Celebrities are often bombarded with people trying to talk to them, and to see Jack Black take his time to make a connection with a fan and create a special moment for them is truly heartwarming.

Black has long been a supporter of the United Mitochondrial Disease Foundation, which funds research and supports patients and families affected by mitochondrial disease. Learn more about their work here.

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Meet the hospice nurse whose viral TikTok videos make death a little less scary

TikTok

Hospice nurse Julie on TikTok.

Watching a loved one die is difficult, confusing, terrifying and heartbreaking. They transform before our eyes, unrecognizably. In turn, our faces are no longer familiar to them. The entire experience can leave us feeling powerless to help.

Hospice workers provide an incredible service to humanity by making this process less painful. And they do it with great kindness and compassion.

Julie is a hospice nurse in California. In her five years doing this, she has helped a lot of patients maintain a quality life in their final weeks and months before having a peaceful death. She's also educated a lot of families about what to expect during the transition, in an attempt to make it a little less daunting. According to Julie, that's the best part of the job.

Julie decided to share her expertise on TikTok, where her insights could reach a wider audience.

"I knew I had a lot of interesting information about death and dying that most people don't know about. I want to normalize death by educating people about it. I went home to visit my family, and my tween nieces were on TikTok making dance videos. I later went on TikTok to see their dances. This gave me the idea of starting my own TikTok about death and dying," she told The Sun.

The idea caught on quickly. Julie soon racked up more than 400,000 followers, with millions of views for multiple videos. Clearly she had some valuable knowledge.

In one of her videos, she explains how many of the death processes we find morbid, are actually quite normal. Changes in breathing, skin color, fevers … all normal. Messy, but normal. Even the "death rattle," despite its scary name, is very natural, as the brain is no longer able to tell the throat to swallow saliva. "Terminal secretions," she calls it.

@hospicenursejulie #hospicenursejulie #nurse #learnontiktok #ForzaHorizon5GO #nursesoftiktok ♬ original sound - 💕 Hospice nurse Julie 💕

Julie also discusses the "rallying" phenomenon, where a terminal person seems to make a swift recovery—even regaining an appetite and bouncing back to a personality—before ultimately passing within a few days, or sooner. She explains that, where no one knows exactly why this happens, she always informs her patients and families so they're not caught off guard. I cannot imagine the anguish people go through who do not know this.

@hospicenursejulie #hospicenursejulie #nurse #learnontiktok #nursesoftiktok ♬ original sound - 💕 Hospice nurse Julie 💕

One person asked, "Does knowing all of this in depth make death less scary for you?" To which Julie simply replied "Yes–I'm not scared at all."

Natural death, Julie says, is not uncomfortable. Because many people die from accidents or diseases, we tend to equate death with suffering, but that does not have to be the case. In fact, Julie shares about people seeing angels, even loved ones who have passed. Often they manage to say "I love you" right before death.

@hospicenursejulie Reply to @spymylittleye #greenscreen #hospicenursejulie#angel #LevisMusicProject #nurse #learnontikrok ♬ original sound - 💕 Hospice nurse Julie 💕

Hospice care is undervalued, at best. And at worst, it can be demonized, as many buy into the myth that hospice companies make money off of killing patients (another notion Julie politely debunks). This is what makes her channel truly special. Julie makes death—the ultimate unknown—a little less frightening with the power of education and empathy. It's something she does on a day-to-day basis. But now we all can benefit.


You can check out even more of Julie's videos on TikTok, under her handle @hospicenursejuile

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Dignity Health
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Compassion fatigue is real, but this hospital's approach might just be the antidote.

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Dignity Health 2017

Musician Terrie Miley always wears a smile. What makes her unique is who she smiles for, and how she keeps it up.

As a hospice musician, Miley’s everyday work involves going to see patients who are in their final hours and using music as a way to help people tell their stories. "The story of their lives," as she puts it.  

Image via Dignity Health/Upworthy.

While many of us would do anything to avoid the idea of coming face-to-face with our own mortality or sharing space with a total stranger who is on the brink of death, Miley has chosen to face it every single day in hopes of bringing them peace in their final hours.

Most people who volunteer walk away with the knowledge that they’ve made a difference; Miley walks away knowing that she has just said goodbye.

But with such intense emotional labor comes the need for self-care.

For Miley and her colleagues at Dignity Health, the team decided to enact a mindfulness program consisting of meditation and breathing exercises to help their employees feel present during those long, hard hours on the job.

The premise for this program is a simple but powerful one: To be compassionate towards others, we first have to be compassionate toward ourselves — if only for a few minutes.

For hospice workers like Miley, then, finding moments of pause gives them the peace and attention needed to do this work in a healthy way.

And when it's built into the work culture, this kind of reflection isn't just an afterthought. It's a practice, and it's one that's transforming how caregivers like Miley approach their jobs.

How do they do it? Have a look for yourself:

This program helps you focus on the now. And the effects on your health can be enormous.

Posted by Upworthy on Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Miley knows better than anyone that while helping these patients is rewarding, it can take a mental and emotional toll on caregivers.

When offering the humble gift of musical bliss and human connection, it’s not always easy being confronted with life’s biggest hurdle: death.

"Hospice is challenging work, in ways that you might not consider," Miley explains.

Because Miley’s job description includes being present for those who don’t have loved ones in their final hours, it requires a level of emotional investment that she has to sustain in every moment of her work.

Whether it's a guided meditation after lunch or a walking meditation on a break, these moments of reflection make all the difference for caregivers like Miley, who too easily forget themselves while caring for others.

For Miley, it’s a reminder of why we need to slow down during the daily grind.

Life is short, and while that knowledge may sit in the back of our minds, it’s important to remember that our day-to-day existence is about so much more than work.

Miley's story is an important reminder that for every connection we offer to others, it's just as important to pause and reconnect with ourselves.

To make this work sustainable, then, mindfulness is everything.

"When you’re in hospice, it is definitely about the moment. It is about being present with that person and creating healing in that moment," said Heidi Summers, senior director of mission integration and education at Dignity Health.

Miley puts it best when she says, "Being present is the only thing that matters."

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