+
A PERSONAL MESSAGE FROM UPWORTHY
We are a small, independent media company on a mission to share the best of humanity with the world.
If you think the work we do matters, pre-ordering a copy of our first book would make a huge difference in helping us succeed.
GOOD PEOPLE Book
upworthy

grieving

Internet

A funny and insightful video about how grief can sneak up on us is surprisingly accurate

There isn't always an easy answer.

Photo credit: Canva

Man shares intrusive thoughts while grieving. It's comedic.

Grief is something that touches everyone. There's no escaping experiencing the pain of losing someone you love. It's one of those human experiences that transcends race, gender and socioeconomic status. If you're a human being on this planet, grief is inevitable and while everyone processes grief differently, there are some similarities.

Kevin Fredricks has been very candid on social media about the unexpected loss of his older brother, Jason Fredricks, last year. Recently, the comedian shared a relatable yet humorous video sharing what his intrusive thoughts have been like this past year while grieving. It takes talent to make such a serious topic funny.

When the video starts out, Fredricks is laying in the bed watching television when out of nowhere you hear an intrusive thought, "Aye, remember that time your brother died? That is wild that it happened. Why'd he die like that, he wasn't even doing nothing and he died? That is so crazy. Oh, don't go to sleep I'll remind you in your dreams."

The intrusive thoughts seem to come when he's either content or enjoying life. They're a stark contrast to what is being portrayed on the screen, yet the realness of the thoughts resonates with a lot of people. Commenters shared their own experiences with intrusive thoughts related to grief.


@kevonstagetiktok I just be minding my business and here come GRIEF to ruin my day.
♬ original sound - kevonstage

"I be laughing and it just come out of nowhere like why you happy," someone shares.

"'Your mother is never going to meet your kids. She would’ve been the best grandma.' Sends me sobbing every time. Intrusive thoughts are so real," another person writes.

"Me in Lowes a couple days ago... crying looking at drill bits bc my dad had the nerve to die," one woman says.

"This has to be one of the most relatable videos about grief! I do this daily thinking about my dad," a commenter writes.

"I really appreciate how chill and casual this grief voice is. Of course sometimes it’s different, but most of the time it’s exactly like this. My father died 8 months ago. Thanks for the laugh," someone shares.

Grief shows up in all sorts of ways, but unexpected intrusive thoughts seem to be one way many in the comments experience extended grief. Fredricks doesn't offer a solution to how to fix the thoughts, his video simply allows space for others experiencing grief to share it with someone else and sometimes that's the best option.

From Your Site Articles
intrusive thoughts
Joy

People were asked to share their 'most memorable moment' with a stranger. One answer jumped out.

"As I got to the checkstand with my arm full of stuff I dropped a container of sour cream and it exploded everywhere. I completely lost control of myself and started to cry. The ugly cry."

Canva

Good grief, strangers can be kind.

Interactions with strangers can be the highlight of your day, the reason you're crying in a bathroom stall at Chipotle or anywhere in between. A user on Reddit wanted to hear about the most memorable moments people had with strangers in what is assumed to be an effort to show the good in humanity.

The question read, "What is the most memorable moment you shared with a stranger who you never saw again?" Well, leave a prompt like that and the internet is ripe with responses ready to go. This particular post has more than 11,000 comments, but it was one comment in particular that stood out and brought the internet to tears.

Reddit user misdolnurs2517 answered the prompt with a story about grief and how a group of strangers came together for a momentary act of kindness.

The user says at the time of the incident her father had passed away earlier that day and she felt like she was doing a pretty good job holding it together. Grief is a strange thing, sometimes it's delayed, sometimes its immediate and oftentimes it peeks its head up in the most unexpected moments. You never know how grief is going to affect you until it hits, and it's something you don't have much control over.

kindness; act of kindness; strangers; griefPhoto by Ben White on Unsplash

For this particular Reddit user, grief snuck up on her when she took a stroll around Target to clear her mind and buy a few groceries. The commenter recalls getting to the checkout stand with her arms full when she dropped a container of sour cream. It was in that moment, the dam broke. Right in the middle of Target for everyone to see, this grieving daughter began to sob uncontrollably.

She said, "I completely lost control of myself and started to cry. The ugly cry." Everyone knows that cry and it doesn't tend to happen over sour cream splattered all over the floor. The shoppers around her knew that something deeper was going on but no one pried.

kindness; act of kindness; strangers; griefPhoto by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

The Reddit user said she was instantly surrounded by a group of women who took charge of the situation without saying a word. Connecting with someone on such a human level that words are not needed is a moment to be treasured. She said the women cleaned up the mess, someone grabbed her a new sour cream and helped her get checked out.

I'm stereotyping here, but that is some big mom energy coming from that group of women. They saw someone who was hurting and did what needed to be done without shaming, without prying and without talking. The group anticipated the needs of a stranger then anticipated the actions of the other women helping to get a grieving person home.

kindness; act of kindness; strangers; grief

Reddit Screenshot

The story garnered many supportive comments but most were speculating on if a group of moms is called a flock or a gaggle before telling their own stories of how a random mom helped them. No matter what a group of moms is called, the story is a beautiful testament to seeing one another's humanity.

From Your Site Articles
kindness of strangers

How performing little acts of kindness is helping grieving parents move forward.

Joanne Cacciatore's daughter, Cheyenne, was stillborn in July 1994. She says it was the worst day of her life.

Photo via Joanne Cacciatore, used with permission.

She briefly held her baby girl in her arms, but that was all the time she'd get with her.

It was then that Cacciatore decided to dedicate her life to helping parents like herself deal with grief.

But first, she had her own grief to contend with. She says in the months that followed, she couldn't stop crying and found parenting her other three children to be an impossible task.

That Christmas, which would've been Cheyenne's first, Cacciatore took the money she would have spent on presents and did something a little different with it. She bought a bunch of toys for underprivileged kids through a local charity.

"And in that moment [Cheyenne] was very much alive, because my love for her continued, and I was able to enact that love in the world," she told Yahoo! News.

That's when she first became aware of the immense healing power of giving. From there, she started The Kindness Project.

The Kindness Project asks grieving parents to do good deeds in their communities in memory of a lost child (or parent, friend, or spouse).

They then leave behind a small note card so the recipient can channel their gratitude toward the deceased and know that person's life and death continues to matter.

All photos provided by The Kindness Project.

Cacciatore says so far, over 2,000,000 acts of kindness have occurred because of the project around the world.

There's Kamaria McDonald, who donated toys, baby supplies, and more to a domestic violence shelter in honor of her late-son, Dane.

There's young Mackenzie's mother, who paid for and left two giant stuffed animals for some unsuspecting kids at a Kohl's in memory of her daughter.

A first-grade class in Richmond, California, wrote kind notes to their neighbors in honor of Teddy, a young boy who died of cancer.

Michael's mom donated basketballs to her local community center in honor of her son, who loved to shoot hoops.

And then there's Ann, whose story has stuck with Cacciatore for many years.

Ann tragically lost her baby, Joshua, to sudden infant death syndrome. One day, at one of her favorite restaurants, Ann stumbled across a young pregnant woman enjoying a baby shower. In her grief, it was almost too much to bear.

Ann headed for the door, feeling confused, overwhelmed, and inexplicably angry at this complete stranger. But "she paused, took a deep breath, took out a Kindness Project card, wrote Joshua's name on it, pre-paid the bill of the shower party in full, and called me weeping," Cacciatore wrote in the book Techniques of Grief Therapy.

It was a painful thing for Ann to do but an important step in her healing process.

The Kindness Project's Facebook page is flooded with incredible stories of giving — from cups of coffee to massive donations.

As beautiful as it is for a stranger to experience an unexpected act of kindness, the project is really about parents finding constructive ways to heal.

"While these good deeds do not eradicate grief, nor should they do so," Cacciatore wrote, "They do provide a means through which the mourner can redirect painful emotions into feelings of love and compassion and hope."

Losing a child is one of the most difficult things a person can go through. Cacciatore just hopes that all of that pain and suffering won't be totally in vain, and we remember that every life deserves to be remembered, no matter how short it might be.

More

How complete strangers helped this single dad decode a final message from his dead wife.

After his wife died during childbirth, Jared discovered comfort in the unfinished things she left behind.

June 16, 2016, was meant to be the best day of Jared and Sharry Buhanan-Decker's lives. It turned out to be the worst.

On that morning a few months ago, the Utah couple of 12 years drove to the hospital. They were full of anticipation for the arrival of their firstborn child.

It had taken almost three years and an expensive IVF process for them to conceive, and Sharry had excitedly blogged about their plans for parenthood during her pregnancy.

All photos via Jared Buhanan-Decker, used with permission.

As the couple was cuddling and dozing on a hospital bed, waiting for the delivery to begin, things turned horribly wrong.

"I woke up to hear one of the monitors beeping. Doctors and surgeons came out from all over and wheeled Sharry into surgery," Jared said. "I was terrified for the baby, but I didn’t ever consider Sharry’s life was at stake."

Shortly after, doctors gave Jared news he could never have prepared for: Their baby had been delivered by emergency C-section, but Sharry was in cardiac arrest.

30-year-old Sharry had experienced a rare allergic reaction to the baby’s amniotic fluid entering her bloodstream, which caused her vital organs to shut down.

"My whole world came crashing down," Jared said.

In the dark weeks that followed Sharry’s death, Jared was forced to come to terms with his future as a single father and the loss of his best friend.

Sleepless nights weeping at Sharry’s gravestone, reading her journals, and listening to old voicemails became survival mechanisms.

“I wanted to feel her in any way,” he said.

In his search for comfort, Jared came across several audio files on Sharry’s laptop, but without buying expensive software, he had no way of opening them.

He took his dilemma to Reddit and requested help to convert the files, and the response was overwhelming.

"I was hoping for just one or two responses and received dozens. The kindness and compassion of strangers has been amazing," he said.

Reddit users came to the rescue, quickly returning several mp3 files to Jared, each revealing original songs Sharry had composed and recorded herself.

In one of her songs, Sharry sings, "Baby, don’t you worry about me," urging her listener to wipe away their tears and "softly close the door."

"That is a message for me right now in my life," Jared said. "I could never have anticipated the meaning her songs would have."

Since receiving the mp3 files, Jared has kept them on his phone so he can listen to them with baby JJ whenever grief strikes.

"I still have a lot of tough nights, and JJ as a new baby has struggles to stay asleep, so I use those songs to comfort both of us," he said.

"Science tells us babies respond to their mother’s voice because for nine months that’s the main voice they hear, and Sharry was always talking to him and singing to JJ."

But Sharry’s music wasn’t all she left behind. As Jared continued to comb through her computer files and journals, he also found something else left unfinished: a bucket list.

Between items like dancing naked in the rain, traveling to India, and overcoming anxiety, Sharry’s list is full of bold dreams to help other people.

Jared said her bucket list is now a roadmap for him and JJ, compelling them to fulfill Sharry’s dreams and to honor her memory as the years go by.

"It is good for me, to push me outside my comfort zone because she was always the one to do that, and in a way she still will be," he said.

The first goal Jared hopes to fulfill is the creation of a treasure hunt scholarship fund for disadvantaged children.

"It’d be so easy, when tragedy happens, to withdraw and become cynical … but I cannot do that," he said.

"I need to lead my life as a legacy to Sharry. I need to cherish experiences, relationships, and life. I need to be a force for good and light in the world just like she always was and is."

Trending Stories