'I wanted to age gracefully': Chili Peppers’ Flea on how quitting drugs led to amazing changes
Quitting drugs helped him with his anxiety and panic attacks.
Flea playing with the Red Hot Chili Peppers in 2016.
Sixty-one-year-old Michael Balzary, better known as Flea to his legions of fans, has led an unbelievable life as the bass player in the Red Hot Chili Peppers, one of the wildest and most popular bands of the past four decades.
Unfortunately, his life has also been disrupted countless times by people close to him dying of addiction. Notably, Flea lost Chilli Pepper’s guitar player, Hillel Slovak, to addiction in 1988, as well as his friend, actor River Phoenix, in 1993.
His bandmates, guitarist John Frusciante and singer Anthony Kiedis, have also struggled with drug abuse throughout their lives. Flea himself started using drugs at the age of 11 and had done everything by the time he stopped at 30.
In 2020, Flea gave a revealing interview where he explained how he was able to stop doing illegal narcotics at the age of 30 in 1993 and how it enabled him to confront his crippling anxiety and panic attacks.
He also discussed his inspiration for getting clean: aging gracefully.
Flea’s big reason for wanting to get clean at 30 seems a little out of place for a rock star. His choice to age gracefully opposes the adage: live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse.
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“My only advice is to age gracefully; it is such a great aspiration to have,” Flea said. “And luckily, around that age, I wanted to age gracefully. I wanted to be able to be an elderly person with a light on. I wanted to keep growing. I loved Duke Ellington. I wanted to try to keep reinventing to be a humble student all my life. So, I guess my advice is to try to love yourself.”
He also shared how, after getting off drugs, he was able to work on his anxiety. During this process,he realized that to be compassionate and grow, you have to embrace all of your feelings—even the ones you wish you didn’t have.
“When I stopped doing drugs, I wanted to feel everything. I wanted to feel all the pain, all the suffering, all the anxiety because I knew that the only way that I was going to grow was to feel it. I know that we all yearn to be as deep, kind, compassionate, and as good as we can be, and the only way to be that is to feel your pain, sit there, and let it wash over you,” Flea said. “I'm not a religious man … but I believe in God, and I pray and when I'm hurting and I feel terrible, I get on my knees and I say ‘Dear God, give me some more. Thank you.’ … I know that within my suffering I will grow, and that was a huge thing to realize.”
After a 2015 snowboarding accident where he broke his arm and required surgery, Flea was prescribed a 2-month supply of OxyContin, and he went through the same numbing experience he had 22 years before and knew he didn’t want anymore. After a month, he stopped taking the pills for his pain.
Ultimately, Flea believes that drugs rob people of something vital to his life and musical expression: an honest connection to the world. “I'm doing drugs and it was like, ‘Whoa, you know I'm in this rarefied air now,’ and it's really like it's just an old and pathetic story,” he admits. “The opportunity to be straight and to actually connect with people in true ways and to be willing to feel lonely and to be patient enough to have a real, actual honest communication whether it means going to get a taco and looking at the woman who gives it to you and smiling at her and her smiling back and you're actually sharing a beautiful moment. Those are the little triumphs that for me make not being on drugs the greatest thing.”
