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Gen Xers and boomers open up about whether life was really safer when they were young

Perception is everything.

two little kids and a baby in the 1950s
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Were the good old days really that good?

Sometimes we hear wistful tales of a bygone era when life was simpler and people felt safer. Kids could go out and run around the neighborhood. Parents didn't worry about child trafficking or online sextortion or whether their kids would make it through the school day without being shot.

But was life really safer back then? The elders are often the ones who romanticize the olden days, but according to Gen Xers and boomers who were asked, the good old days may not have been as rosy as those rose-colored glasses make them appear.

Someone asked the AskOldPeople channel on Reddit, "Hey elders! I often talk to my grandmother and she states that the world was better back then — she could send her kids out to play for hours with no worries about them. I’m wondering: was life really safer back then?"

Of course, there are always a few people who reminisce about never locking their doors, but for the most part the answers were surprisingly and consistently "no," but for many different reasons.


Life before antibiotics and vaccines

Most of these tragic disease stories are from Gen Xers and boomers' parents and grandparents, but still, we're only a generation or two removed from communicable illnesses wiping out entire families.

"My grandmother had 7 children on a tuesday in 1936. One of them caught diphtheria. By saturday she had one living child. so..."

"It was typhus for my great grandparents. Lost kids 3 of 5 in one week. In Chicago."

"There's a cemetery on my property from the late 1800s, there were 6 kids in the family who all died within a calendar year due to a diphtheria epidemic. Newborn to 17 year old, all gone."

"This is doubly tragic because diphtheria antitoxin (which protected people who had the disease) was widely available by 1910, and diphtheria vaccine was manufactured by 1930."

"My grandmother was born in 1897. Her mother had 8 children but half her siblings died of Whooping Cough."

"My grandfather was only 1 of 6 that survived. The rest buried out back. Yea, so much better."

"I went to my local cemetery. There were three children from the same family. All under age five. Time of death was the early 1900's. We don't realize how good we have it nowadays."

"This is why vaccinations are so important. People forget that entire families were wiped out by illness."

"My dad’s sister got polio and recovered. Then she got it again and died at age 7, right before the vaccine was available. My grandma was never the same after that."

"That's why the Salk vaccine was such a huge thing in the 50s."

Food regulations, too

People like to complain about government regulations, but there's no question they've made a difference in food and packaging safety.

"A similar story in my family: in the late 1920s some cousins of my father bought ice cream from a street vendor. Three of the four of them died of botulism. They tried to sue, but the lawyers for Bad Ice Cream only accused them of bad parenting. They got nothing."

"I read a book about poverty in New York City in the 1920’s. It mentioned that the city gave away potted meat ( whatever that is) and a lot of children died after eating it. The parents couldn’t sue the city because it was considered a charitable act, the city meant well, and therefore they had immunity from the crime. Can you imagine?"


Rape and sexual assault happened a lot, people just didn't report it

Young folks today may not fully appreciate what life was like for the generations before the Me Too Movement. It's still hard to report and be believed, but it wasn't that long ago that nobody reported anything and swept it all under the rug.

"Particularly pedophilia. It was not spoken about so people did not know to be careful with their children."

"They were really good at sweeping it under the carpet."

"Yep rape, pedophelia, child and spousal abuse all grossly under reported. Even murder was - lynchings weren’t classified as murder and neither were the murders of 'undesirables' (eg prostitutes)."

"Unfortunately, most people who hurt children are not the 'random in the neighborhood.' It's a family member or trusted family friend (baseball coach, Boy Scout master, church leaders, etc). People often covered this up for the shame of the family and a misguided idea that it was 'protecting the victim.' Children were definitely not better protected from this behavior in the past."

"I'm from Boston. A ton of my own elder neighbors and their families were harmed by the priests in our neighborhood. They knew. Plenty of them absolutely knew. Sometimes mom would try to go to a higher up about it on behalf of her kid, and she'd get bullied/manipulated into not saying anything (hanging the threat of going to hell over her), and then they'd just move the priest onto some other church to hurt more kids. Families that were deeply involved in the religion were most susceptible to the hush up tactics."

"In our town, it was the Boy Scouts (late 60s-early 70s). As my age group grew up, it became known amongst the guys that the Scoutmaster REALLY, REALLY liked boys... It made me feel a lot better about not having joined up."

"Exactly. My mum was abused by an uncle as a kid. No consequences. We were all heavily abused for years by her second husband. Police wouldn't even respond. It was well known they had zero interest in "domestics." It wasn't safer, it just wasn't acknowledged."

More drunk drivers, less safe cars

Just the invention of back-up cameras and airbags alone has changed car accident mortality rates drastically. Car seat safety, seat belts, so many safety features we didn't have back then. Plus a lot more drunk driving awareness (though cell phone distraction has probably replaced a lot of those deaths).

"Cars were very unsafe back then. I knew one person personally, and several more indirectly that died in car wrecks. That really doesn't seem to happen so much anymore. No crumple zones, no collapsible steering columns, lots of angular metal hard surfaces, no anti-lock brakes. And, people didn't use seat belts very much back then."

"When I was in high school in the 80s, every yearbook had 2-4 "in memoriam" pages for the kids who died that year. It was car wrecks every year I was there. My own children went to the same high school. Classes of 2016 and 2019. During their 7 years at that school (with almost twice as many students) one child died in a freak accident."

"Growing up, there were several kids in my rural area who died. Car accident were the biggest killer."

"The cars we drove or rode in fifty years ago could not be sold as new cars today. Roads are safer. There is less drunk driving."

"The cars point is a big one and just one example of product safety. Products are a million times safer now than they used to be. And then the medical care if you do get hurt is likewise worlds better."

Survivor bias is a thing

There's a reason things have gotten safer besides just increased anxiety due to the internet. We also learned from our mistakes.

"Most of the many (many, many) children for whom being a kid back then was a nightmare of malnutrition, crippling disease, brutality, abuse, torture, and an early grave didn't get a chance to grow up to be grandmothers complaining about how much better the past was. So you're only going to get part of the story."

"It's called 'survivor bias.' You see it in all the boomer posts: 'We didn't wear seat belts (or whatever else), and we lived to tell about it!'

But some of their peers DIDN'T live to tell about it. Enough of them were seriously injured or killed that it was worth passing laws about seatbelts and car seats and not riding around in the back of pickups, etc.

Enough of their peers were kidnapped/r*ped/killed, that 'stranger danger' became a thing and parents realized that it might not be a great idea to let young children wander unsupervised for 12 hours a day.

In short, all the 'snowflake' safety measures we have in place today are thanks to previous generations being idiots and the prime example of what NOT to do."

"There's more than a little survivor bias at play when you hear stuff like 'we played with lawn darts and we're fine' or 'we didn't need helmets for our bicycles' or 'we didn't have life-threatening allergies like today.' Things weren't safer then but people weren't as aware of the dangers they were avoiding as we are now."

It's all in the perception

The internet may have been a mistake, at least when it comes to the flood of news and information we're bombarded with that makes it seem like terrible things are happening all around us all the time.

"It was less safe but the PERCEPTION of safety was higher. Just like how now it’s actually incredibly safe but the perception of danger is high."

"Statistically, it was less safe. But you only heard about issues in your local area, not the whole country, and news was something that for most only came in the form of the daily newspaper, and the evening news. So the perception was that it was safer."

"So true. Bad things happened but weren't blasted around the world in nano-seconds. I don't think it's any safer due to kids being micromanaged though. Technology and 'stranger danger' awareness have certainly had a positive impact on response times and prevention."

"Yes, this is the correct answer. I grew up in a very safe small town, where everyone assumed bad things didn't happen, but the internet age has shown us that not only do bad things happen everywhere, but they always did."

"We also weren't warned about things. Not like now. I recall in 1st grade one of my classmate - tallest girl in my class - suddenly didn't come back to school anymore. Our teacher told us it was because "a bad man did something bad to her so she will not coming back." And that was it. I never did find out what happened but I got the feeling later on that she was raped. A 6 year old."

"Exactly. The reason everyone feels less safe today is because of our news. 24 hours/7 days a week of it and good news doesn't sell. So you don't get much of that.

Violent crime in the US peaked in 1992. With the exception of some bumps, it's been going down since."

"This exactly. Before the internet and cable news you just didn't hear about things that happened outside of your town or even less so outside of your state. There was no 24 hour news, and therefore no need to constantly feed the outrage/fear machine to generate ad dollars like there is now. There has always been crime and there always will be, but crime was in fact much worse when I was a kid than it is now."

Planet

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Our favorite giveaway is back. Enter to win a free, fun date! 🌊 💗
True

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guitar, learning a skill, neuroscience, music, exposure, passive exposure, gardening

A woman learning how to play guitar.

Learning a new skill, such as playing an instrument, gardening, or picking up a new language, takes a lot of time and practice, whether that means scale training, learning about native plants, or using flashcards to memorize new words. To improve through practice, you have to perform the task repeatedly and receive feedback so you know whether you’re doing it correctly. Is my pitch correct? Did my geraniums bloom? Is my pronunciation understandable?

However, a new study by researchers at the Institute of Neuroscience at the University of Oregon shows that you can speed up these processes by adding a third element to practice and feedback: passive exposure. The good news is that passive exposure requires minimal effort and is enjoyable.


"Active learning of a... task requires both expending effort to perform the task and having access to feedback about task performance," the study authors explained. "Passive exposure to sensory stimuli, on the other hand, is relatively effortless and does not require feedback about performance."


woman reading, woman book, young woman, studying, new skills A woman reading a book.via Canva/Photos

How to pick up new skills faster?

So, if you’re learning to play the blues on guitar, listen to plenty of Howlin’ Wolf or Robert Johnson throughout the day. If you’re learning to cook, keep the Food Network on TV in the background to absorb some great culinary advice. Learning to garden? Take the time to notice the flora and fauna in your neighborhood or make frequent trips to your local botanical garden.

If you’re learning a new language, watch plenty of TV and films in the language you are learning. The scientists add that auditory learning is especially helpful, so listen to plenty of audiobooks or podcasts on the subject you’re learning about.

But, of course, you also have to be actively learning the skill as well by practicing your guitar for the recommended hours each day or by taking a class in languages. Passive exposure won't do the work for you, but it's a fantastic way to pick up things more quickly. Further, passive exposure keeps the new skill you're learning top-of-mind, so you're probably more likely to actively practice it.

What is passive exposure?

Researchers discovered the tremendous benefits of passive exposure after studying a group of mice. They trained them to find water by using various sounds to give positive or negative feedback, like playing a game of “hot or cold.” Some mice were passively exposed to these sounds when they weren't looking for water. Those who received this additional passive exposure and those who received active training learned to find the water reward more quickly.

gardening, woman gardening, gardening shears, leaning gardening, weeds A woman tending to her garden.via Canva/Photos


“Our results suggest that, in mice and in humans, a given performance threshold can be achieved with relatively less effort by combining low-effort passive exposure with active training,” James Murray, a neuroscientist who led the study, told University of Oregon News. “This insight could be helpful for humans learning an instrument or a second language, though more work will be needed to better understand how this applies to more complex tasks and how to optimize training schedules that combine passive exposure with active training.”

The one drawback to this study was that it was conducted on mice, not humans. However, recent studies on humans have found similar results, such as in sports. If you visualize yourself excelling at the sport or mentally rehearse a practice routine, it can positively affect your actual performance. Showing, once again, that when it comes to picking up a new skill, exposure is key.

The great news about the story is that, in addition to giving people a new way to approach learning, it’s an excuse for us to enjoy the things we love even more. If you enjoy listening to blues music so much that you decided to learn for yourself, it’s another reason to make it an even more significant part of your life.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

This article originally appeared last year.

conversation, couple talking, white wine, laughing man, laughing woman,

A man and a woman having a pleasant conversation over wine.

Making small talk can be frustrating for many reasons. It's nerve-wracking to come up with things to talk about with someone you hardly know that aren't "How's the weather?" or "So, what do you do for a living?" Some folks try to avoid it altogether because they find small talk boring.

However, being good at small talk can be a huge benefit, whether it helps you come across as more charming on first dates, build better rapport with coworkers, or make more friends at a party. Small talk is great for your romantic life, social life, and professional advancement. The problem is that many people are afraid of getting stuck in an awkward silence or in a conversation that isn't going anywhere.


Social skills coach Andrew Godwin offers a group program that helps high school boys master conversation skills, build real friendships, and develop unshakable confidence. He's also a popular TikToker who shares tips for building confidence and improving communication.

@andrew.godwin

Small phrases that keep things roollliinnngggg #conversationtips #peopleskills #andrewgodwin

Godwin says the key to keeping every conversation "rolling" and avoiding awkward silences is knowing how to use open-ended questions and phrases. Here are four that he recommends:

1. "Tell me more"

"Somebody's telling you any story, or they give you a little glimpse of something. 'I had a crazy weekend.' 'Tell me more. Tell me all about it. Tell me, I wanna hear more.' That's a beautiful open up. Give them the floor," Godwin says.

2. "What was that like?"

"They went on a trip to Italy. They went to the freaking new market downtown. 'What was that like?' Just open the floor for them beautifully," he says.

3. "How'd you get into that?"

"Somebody does anything interesting at all, they're like, 'I went fly fishing the other day.' Or they play pickleball. Or they even, like, do board games on Sundays. 'How'd you get into that? What got you into that?' The reason behind stuff is always the way to go," he adds.

4. "What were some of the highlights?"

"I've learned that 'What was your favorite part?' never really pans out well. But you can say, like, 'What were some of the highlights?' Or 'What caught your eye?' about literally anything," he concludes.

conversation, women drinking coffee, woman in cafe, conversation Two women enjoy coffee together.via Canva/Photos

"Notice how none of these are yes-or-no questions," Godwin says in the video. When you ask someone a yes-or-no question, you're often dooming the conversation because it gives you nothing to follow through on. It can feel like you have to start a whole new topic out of nowhere.

Open-ended questions begin with who, what, when, where, why, or how, and they encourage your conversation partner to think before responding, which usually elicits a more interesting (and longer) response.

In the video below, Celeste Headlee explains how to ask good open-ended questions in her TED Talk, "10 ways to have a better conversation."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

After hearing Godwin's tips, you might be thinking, "When do I get to talk in the conversation if I'm always asking questions?" The good news is that studies show the more questions you ask someone in a conversation, the more they will like you back. So don't worry if you haven't had enough time to talk about yourself. If you're asking engaging questions, chances are they already enjoy talking with you.

Pets

Vet demonstrates 'squish the cat' method of safe cat handling in delightfully helpful video

There's a reason Dr. Burstyn's "How to pick up a cat" video has been viewed 23 million times.

cats, pets, cat handling, veterinarian, feline behavior

Handling a cat may seem like a delicate matter, but being delicate isn't actually the way to go.

If you've ever tried to make a cat do something it doesn't want to do, you've likely experienced the terror that a cat's wrath can invoke. Our cute, cuddly feline friends may be small, but the razor blades on their feet are no joke when they decide to utilize them. Even cats who love us can get spicy if we try to manhandle them, so we can imagine how things will go with cats who don't know us well. But sometimes it's necessary to handle a cat even if it's resistant to the idea.

This is where Vancouver veterinarian Dr. Uri Burstyn comes in. His "How to pick up a cat like a pro" video, in which he demonstrates a few ways of picking up and handling a cat, has been viewed over 23 million times since he shared it in 2019. Unlike many viral videos, it's not humorous and nothing outrageous happens, but the combo of Burstyn's calm demeanor and his repeated instructions to "squish that cat" has endeared him to the masses.


- YouTube www.youtube.com

The video truly is helpful; he shows the ways to pick up a cat that make them feel the most secure using his cats, one-year-old Claudia and 14-year-old Mr. Pirate. He explains that cats spook very easily and it's best to introduce yourself to them gently. Let them sniff your fingers, keeping your fingers curled in, and once they've sniffed you, you can often give them a light rub on the cheek or under the chin.

Picking them up is a different story. The reason many cats will claw or scratch you when you try to pick them up is because they feel unsupported or unsafe, so they'll scramble around trying to get some footing. Burstyn shows how he picks up Claudia with one hand under the chest and one hand under her abdomen. If he needs to carry her around, he squishes her into his body so she feels "nice and supported." He may even put a hand under her front paws.

cats, pets, cat handling, veterinarian, feline behavior Cats can be finicky about how they're held. Photo credit: Canva

Then came the best part of the video: "Squish That Cat"

"Now if we do have a cat who's trying to get away from us?" Burstyn said. "We always squish that cat. If you're trying to hold the cat down, whether it's to trim their nails or to give them a pill, or whether you just want to have a cat not run off for a moment, squish that cat. All you need to know about cat restraint is to squish that cat."

Burstyn explains that cats generally feel very secure being squished, even if they're really scared.

"Sometimes cats come to me in the clinic, and they're quite afraid," he said. "And you just gently squish them, and they'll sit there and kind of not hurt themselves, not hurt us. Just hang out and let us do our thing."

He demonstrated putting a towel over the cat, explaining, "If you have a towel handy, this is one of the best cat restraint tools around. You can just throw a towel on the catty and squish her with the towel, that way they won't get a claw into you if they are scrambling about a bit. Very safe and gentle, and generally cats are very, very happy to be squished like that."

cats, pets, cat handling, veterinarian, feline behavior Squish that cat. Photo credit: Canva

Dr. Burstyn also showed how to do a "football hold," tucking the cat under your arm with them facing backwards. "So this is kind of an emergency way if you really need to carry a cat somewhere in a hurry," he said. Scooping up Claudia, he explained, "Little head's under your arm, butt in your hand, and you squish her tight to your body. And with that little football carry, you can basically hold a cat very securely and very safely, because it's really hard for them to rake you with their hind legs."

If you're worried about over-squishing your cat, Dr. Burnstyn says don't. "You don't have to worry about hurting a cat," he said. "They're very, very tough little beasts. You know, just squishing them against your body's never going to do them any harm. In fact, they tend to feel more safe and secure when they're being held tightly."

Dr. Burnstyn also demonstrated how to pick up and set down a "shoulder cat" who insists on climbing onto people's shoulders and hanging out there, as Mr. Pirate does. It's highly entertaining, as Mr. Pirate is a big ol' chonky kitty.


@yozron

she loves my shoulders i guess #catcore #kittendad #kittensoftiktok #cat #fyp

People in the comments loved Dr. Burnstyn's demonstration, with several dubbing him the Bob Ross of veterinary medicine. Even people who don't have cats said they watched the whole video, and many loved Claudia and Mr. Pirate as well.

"This is just proof that cats are liquid."

"12/10 cat. Excellent squishability."

"So essentially, cats love hugs? That's the most wonderful thing i've heard all day."

"This cat is so well mannered and looks educated."

"Mr Pirate is an absolute unit."

"S q u i s h . T h a t . C a t ."

"I need 'Squish that cat' shirt.

"Dang, that actually helped with my female cat. She has been through at least two owners before me and had some bad expriences which obviously resulted in trust issues. She has now been with me for two years and it had gotten loads better, but she still did not want me to hold her. Normally I simply would have let her be, but for vet visits and such it was not an ideal situation. But then I saw this video and tried to squish the cat. And she loves it! She is turning into quite the snuggly bug. Thank you!"

So there you go. When all else fails, squish that cat and see what happens.

You can follow Dr. Burstyn on YouTube at Helpful Vancouver Vet.


nostalgia, memories, '80s, '90s, Gen X, Boomers, Millennials

When memories are triggered, the whoosh of nostalgia hits hard.

Have you ever had a sight, sound, or smell trigger a strong memory? With the right prompts, waves of nostalgia can knock us off our feet, tapping into parts of our brain that take us right back to a specific time and place. Not only do we remember it, but for a fleeting moment, we can actually experience the feelings of being there.

A Reddit user posed a simple question that dredged up countless memories and experiences that many had long forgotten, asking, “What’s something you can bring up right now to unlock some childhood nostalgia for the rest of us?” The question evoked specific sensory experiences as well as memories of past pop culture staples that are now long gone, and it was a serious trip down nostalgia lane.


Here are 19 of the most popular responses:

1. Scented erasers

"An eraser that looks and smells like a very fake strawberry." — zazzlekdazzle

2. TV static

"Remember the warm, fuzzy static left on your tv screen after it was on for a while. A lot of you crazy kids WEAPONIZED the static to shock your siblings!" — JK_NC

3. Saturday morning cartoons

"Waking up super early on Saturday morning before the rest of the family to watch cartoons." — helltothenoyo

4. Freezy Pops

"Eating one of those plastic-wrapped ice pop things after a long day of playing outside in your backyard with your friends." — onyourleft___

vhs tapes, '80s, '90s, nostalgia, childhood memories How many of us have visceral memories of VHS tapes?Photo credit: Canva

5. VHS tapes

"When you'd watch a vhs and it would say 'and now your feature presentation.'" — Mickthemmouse

6. Everyone's favorite day at school

"Scholastic book fairs." — zazzlekdazzle

"The distinctive newspaper-y feel of those catalogues, the smell of them. Heaven. I would agonize over what books to get, lying on my living room floor, circling my options in different colored gel pens, narrowing it down to 2-4 from a dozen in an intense battle royale between slightly blurry one-line summaries. I know my mom's secret now. She would've bought me the whole damn catalogue. But she made me make my choices so that I really valued the books. I'd read them all immediately, reading all night if I had to, hiding in a tent under my covers with a flashlight I stole from the kitchen. I thought I was getting away with something. As an adult, I notice, now, that the flashlight never ran out of batteries." — IAlbatross

7. Everyone's favorite weekday TV show

"Watching 'The Price Is Right' when you were sick at home." — mayhemy11

summer vacation, kids, memories, swimming, childhood Summer vacation was the best. Photo credit: Canva

8. Summer vacation

"That feeling of limitless freedom on the first day of summer vacation. That feeling of dreaded anticipation on the last day of summer vacation." —_my_poor_brain_

9. The old video store

"Blockbuster." — justabll71

10. The worst best noise in the world

"The noise when picking up the phone when someone was surfing the web." — OhAce

11. The TV Guide channel

"The TV Guide channel. You had to sit through and watch as the channels slowly went by so we could see what was on. It blew getting distracted by the infomercial in the corner and then realizing you barely just missed what you were waiting for so had to wait for it to start all over." — GroundbreakingOil

light bright, lite bright, lite brite, 80s toys, gen x childhood Who didn't love a Lite Brite? Laurence "GreenReaper" Parry/Wikimedia Commons

12. The one and only Lite Brite!

"Light Bright [sic]. I barely remember it myself but you’d take a charcoal-black board and poke different colored pegs through it. You plug it in to the electrical outlet and all the pegs light up creating whatever shape you made in lights." — 90sTrapperKeeper

13. Parachute day in gym class

"You knew it was gonna be a good day when you walk into PE class and see that huge colorful parachute." — brunettemountainlion

14. A very specific part of school recess

"Ripping handfuls of grass at recess and putting them on your friend." — boo_boo_technician

15. Anything involving Mr. T

"In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem if no one else can help, and if you can find them....maybe you can hire The A-Team." — Azuras_Star8

Feeling Good About Who We Are | Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Full Episode www.youtube.com

16. Watching the best human being who's ever lived

"Watching 'Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.' There was something so special about the intro where he would sing Won't You Be My Neighbor while he changed his jacket and shoes. I loved every second of it, and would watch in utter content and fascination each time as if I'd never before seen him zip his cardigan up and back down to the right spot and change his shoes with the little toss of a shoe from one hand to the other." — Avendashar

17. The surefire way to fix any video game

"Somewhere between blowing on some cartridges and pressing the cartridge down and up in the NES to get it to play." — autovices

18. Reckless behavior on the swingset

"That feeling when you are going as high as you can go on the swings. Power? Freedom? Hard to describe." — zazzlekadazzle

19. When toy guns were a thing

"Cap guns. But smashing the entire roll of caps at once with a hammer." — SoulKahn90

The 80s and 90s were really a special time, right on the cusp of major technological breakthroughs, but before the internet and smartphones took over everyday life. Things were modern but simple. Of course, every generation can't help but crave "the way things used to be." Kids today will one day look back at the quaintness of TikTok, or they'll fondly remember a world before everything was AI-generated.

There's nothing wrong with taking a brief look back every once in a while and soaking in the nostalgia. Just remember to keep looking forward as well.

This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.

millennial parenting, parenting, boomer parent, generational humor, gentle parenting, parenting humor, millennial humor

“I don’t even know my plan! Do you know your plan?!”

There are many modern ideas that make sense to those of us who came of age with them, but it's a really interesting exercise to view those same ideas from the perspective of older generations. It can make things seem pretty absurd. For example:

Gentle parenting has been the anxious Millennial antidote to the trauma caused by their Boomer parents' not-so-gentle approach to raising kids. This new wave of parents has become determined to not let history repeat itself, to usher in a kinder, more emotionally secure, more confident generation of humans.


What is gentle parenting?

Gentle parenting is an evidence-based approach in which, instead of being punitive toward their kids, parents build an empathetic, respectful relationship with them. In this approach, although parents create firm boundaries, they also emotionally validate their children as much as possible. This often runs in opposition to the more authoritative parenting style used by Baby Boomers.

mom, daughter, mom and daughter, mom kiss, family on bench A mom kissing her daughter's forehead. via Canva/Photos

A fun, tongue-in-cheek, and instantly viral video created by 37-year-old mom of two, Taylor Wolfe, shows how tough it can be for Millennials to bridge the generational parenting gap.

The clip, which racked up 5.8 million views in less than 24 hours, shows Taylor trying to teach her Boomer mother, Sandy Wolfe, the ins and outs of gentle parenting so she can use these more compassionate tactics with her grandkids.


@thedailytay

GENTLE HANDS. 🙃🫶🏻🤭❤️ #fyp #millennialsoftiktok #momsoftiktok #gentleparenting #parentsoftiktok #foryoupag #comedyvideo


Let’s just say, many found her failed attempt completely relatable, not to mention hilarious.

Sandy’s well-intentioned “Be careful!” to her granddaughter gets met with Taylor saying, “We don’t say ‘Be careful!’ anymore. Instead, say, ‘What’s your plan here?’”

“I don’t even know my plan! Do you know your plan?!” Sandy retorts.

Cut to: Sandy says “Stop. Don’t hit your sister.” Suddenly, Taylor pops up from behind a corner to instruct: “Don’t say, ‘Stop,’ say, ‘Gentle.’”

“‘Gentle’…what?” asks a confused Sandy.

“‘Gentle hands,’” quips Taylor, adding. “‘Gentle’ everything.”


mom, daughter, sheet music, parenting, family A mom and daughter lying on sheet music. via Canva/Photos

Boomers have a hard time learning gentle parenting

Sandy can’t even catch a break when she says, “I’m so proud of you,” because, as Taylor explains, “you’re not supposed to tell kids you’re proud of them anymore. That’s putting the focus on you.”

Then a classic comedy of errors ensues as Taylor advises Sandy to say “you should be so proud” and Sandy replies “I AM so proud!”

Viewers could help but laugh at their own perhaps overzealous attempts to bring gentle parenting into their life.

“I tried to gentle parent this morning but it turned into ‘OMG GET YOUR FORKING SHOES ON,”” one person wrote, while another added, “I always started with the Mary Poppins approach but sometimes you need to elevate to Judge Judy.”

Others felt like this perfectly depicted how gentle parenting sometimes misses the mark.

“I’m feeling anxious after observing gentle parenting,” one person wrote.

Another simply said, “I stand with grandma.”

This isn’t the first time Taylor and Sandy have given us a good chuckle comparing their different parenting styles. Here’s another funny video from August of 2023 where Taylor is flabbergasted to hear how her mother managed without Google:

Listen, gentle parenting is great for helping parents be more mindful and less reactive with their kids, which can do wonders for everyone. But there’s also something to be said for not getting so wound up in the minutia of every parent-child interaction, thinking anything and everything could be threatening to a child’s development. As with anything, balance—and a sense of humor—is always key.

Follow along on more of Taylor’s fun and relatable content on TikTok.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.