upworthy

safety

Community

52 percent of people won't answer the door for a stranger. A cop says that's a huge mistake.

Pretending you're not home isn't the best idea.

officerarsenault/TikTok & Paul Downey/Flickr

Ask anyone Millennial and younger what the scariest sound in the world is, and you'll get some interesting answers. Your phone buzzing with an actual, honest-to-God phone call would be one. Someone unexpectedly knocking on your door would be the other. For many of us, when we look out the window and see someone we don't recognize approaching our house, the instinct is to pretend we're not home.

Door-to-door salesmen and solicitors are still shockingly common, and the only thing worse than an unexpected knock from a stranger is that same stranger being a pushy and aggressive salesman who won't take No for an answer! So staying quiet and waiting for them to leave seems like a reasonable strategy to avoid anxiety and conflict.

A police officer on TikTok just issued a word of caution for us introverts who like to hide out from knocking strangers: "Don't do that."

Officer Randall Arsenault, a former policeman from Canada and a super popular TikTok creator, shared the warning in a recently reposted video.

"Somebody comes to your home during the day, knocks on the door, rings the doorbell, and you don't answer because you don't want to be bothered? Don't do that, OK?"

"Two minutes later, they kick in your door, it's a daytime break and enter, happens all the time. ... They get inside your house, they panic, not expect anybody to be there, bad things can happen."

It's sound advice. Most home intruders, believe it or not, aren't looking to hurt anyone and would rather avoid a potentially violent confrontation. They'd much prefer an easy chance to walk around and take what they want. So by pretending to not be home, you actually make yourself a perfect target.

@officerarsenault

WARNING! Extremely important message. #onthisday

Which... is a total bummer if you get knock-anxiety.

"Ugh this is an introverts worst fear. Having to interact with people when they don’t want to," wrote one commenter.

So what should you do instead?

"Yell through, wave them off through the window, act like you're on your cell phone already," Officer Arsenault says.

In other words, alert them to your presence in any way that you can! That doesn't mean you fling the door open and invite them in. But making noise or even speaking to them through the closed and locked door are good ideas. Some people who are home alone will even pretend to speak (loudly) with a spouse, partner, or friend who's not actually there. Call for your "dad" or "husband" to come over, and that's often enough to spook low-level burglars.

Chances are, the person knocking is just a salesman or doing some political canvassing. But handling those unexpected knocks the right way could be a legitimate lifesaver.

A recent survey by YouGov found that less than half of Americans are willing to answer the door when a stranger knocks. Over a third will ignore them, and another 17% aren't sure.

man's eye looking through peepholeMario Heller/Unsplash

The dividing lines among generations were fascinating in the study.

Less than 10% of Baby Boomers reported feeling afraid when receiving unexpected knocks (though they were high on annoyance, to no one's surprise — I'm pretty sure they invented the No Soliciting sign).

15% of Millennials said they felt afraid when someone knocked on the door, and over 20% of Gen Z said the same. Younger generations also reported much higher rates of feeling confused at IRL knocks.

On the plus side, younger generations also feel more excited when people knock on their doors. It's unique and novel, so there's an immediate sense of possibility that's always fun — a bit like getting actual mail in your mailbox that's not a bill or an advertisement.

You can point to the rise of social media and texting, plus the COVID-19 pandemic, as a big reason for a dropoff in in-person interactions. Millennials and Gen-Z are less comfortable with unexpected encounters because they're so much more rare. Our friends and family almost always call or text before they come over, so it makes sense that a random knock might give us a scare.

Officer Arsenault's safety advice is more pertinent than ever as the generations that hate answering the door become apartment-renters and homeowners.

Our anxiety at dealing with annoying solicitors and potential evil-doers is totally justified, but our usual coping method of ignoring isn't a good solution. Screening calls and sitting on texts is all well and good, but when it comes to our homes, we have to proudly announce our presence for our own safety!

From Your Site Articles
police
Heroes

Teen foils a hotel-room intruder by using a trick her cop stepdad taught her

Great advice and quick thinking saved her life.

via Josie Bowers / TikTok

Josie Bowers, a 19-year-old woman from Canada, shared the story of how she thwarted an intruder when she was 15. The viral TikTok video is a harrowing tale and also an important lesson for everyone to learn.

Josie was staying with her family at the Ocean City Hilton in Maryland when the incident occurred. She went to her hotel room alone to take a shower while her family was on the beach.

After getting out of the shower, she was alarmed when she noticed a long wire with a hook at the end wiggling its way out of the crack at the bottom of the front door. The hook was waving around, trying to catch the handle to open the door.

It's amazing that no one in the hallway noticed someone shoving a wire through the bottom of a door.

The intruders eventually caught the handle with the wire and pulled it down to enter the room. Without hesitation, Josie slammed the door shut and put on the deadbolt.

"My main thought was holy shit I'm in a towel right now and someone is about to break in and get me," she said on TikTok. "So the door opens a crack, and I just slammed it back shut and put the deadbolt on."

After the door was shut on the intruders, they pretended to work for the hotel. "So they tell me your keycard is broken and we need to get into the room and fix your keypad for you," she continued. "And so I open the door a tad bit, to see if it was a worker. It clearly wasn't, they were in jeans and a T-shirt. Hilton keeps it pretty classy, not the attire."


@josiebowers10

Reply to @emmade1rey #part2


Josie then remembered a trick that her stepfather, who's a police officer, once told her: Never let people know you're alone.

"I yelled 'Hey dad, there's someone here to fix the door.' As soon as they thought that I wasn't alone – and potentially my dad was there – they ran, they were gone," she said. A lot of people freeze in such a stressful situation but Josie was able to remember her stepfather's advice and it made all the difference.

Given their reaction, it's pretty clear that the intruders must have followed her up from the beach or had some inside information to know that she was alone. They didn't want anything to do with her father.

The TikTokker shared the video to show others what they should do in a similar situation and to remind them to never let anyone know they are alone.

"I'm glad I had this experience so I can teach people about it. Obviously, I'm safe but it could have ended up a lot worse," she said. "Be safe, you can get door stoppers, always put on the deadbolt."


This article originally appeared on 8.24.21

From Your Site Articles
safety
Women's Health

Feminist blogger has a fool-proof response to the question, ‘Can I buy you a drink?’

It's a tricky situation.

"Can I buy you a drink?" is a loaded question.

It could be an innocent request from someone who's interested in having a cordial conversation. Other times, saying "yes" means you may have to fend off someone who feels entitled to spend the rest of the night with you.

In the worst-case scenario, someone is trying to take advantage of you or has a roofie in their pocket.

Feminist blogger Jennifer Dziura found a fool-proof way to stay safe while understanding someone's intentions: ask for a non-alcoholic beverage or food. If they're sincerely interested in spending some time getting to know you, they won't mind buying something booze-free.

But if it's their intention to lower your defenses, they'll throw a mild tantrum after you refuse the booze. Her thoughts on the "Can I buy you a drink?" conundrum made their way to Tumblr.

via AshleysCo / Tumblr


via AshleysCo / Tumblr

The posts caught the attention of a bartender who knows there are lot of men out there whose sole intention is to get somone drunk to take advantage.

"Most of the time, when someone you don't know is buying you a drink, they're NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality," the bartender wrote. "They're buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down."

So they shared a few tips on how to be safe and social when someone asks to buy you a drink.

From the other side of the bar, I see this crap all the time. Seriously. I work at a high-density bar, and let me tell you, I have anywhere from 10-20 guys every night come up and tell me to, "serve her a stronger drink, I'm trying to get lucky tonight, know what I mean?" usually accompanied with a wink and a gesture at a girl who, in my experience, is going to go from mildly buzzed to definitively hammered if I keep serving her. Now, I like to think I'm a responsible bartender, so I usually tell guys like that to piss off, and, if I can, try to tell the girl's more sober friends that they need to keep an eye on her.
But everyone- just so you know, most of the time, when someone you don't know is buying you a drink, they're NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality, they're buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down.

Tips for getting drinks-

1. ALWAYS GO TO THE BAR TO GET YOUR OWN DRINK, DO NOT LET STRANGERS CARRY YOUR DRINKS. This is an opportune time for dropping something into your cocktail, and you're none the wiser.

2.IF YOU ORDER SOMETHING NON-ALCOHOLIC, I promise you, the bartender doesn't give two shits that you're not drinking cocktails with your friends, and often, totally understands that you don't want to let your guard down around strangers. Usually, you can just tell the bartender that you'd like something light, and that's a big clue to us that you're uncomfortable with whomever you're standing next to. Again, we see this all the time.

3. If you're in a position to where you feel uncomfortable not ordering alcohol:
Here's a list of light liquors, and mixers that won't get you drunk, and will still look like an actual cocktail:

X-rated + sprite = easy to drink, sweet, and 12% alcoholic content. Not strong at all, usually runs $6-$8, depending on your state.
Amaretto + sour= sweet, not strong, 26%.
Peach Schnapps+ ginger ale= tastes like mellow butterscotch, 24%.
Melon liquor (Midori, in most bars) + soda water = not overly sweet, 21%
Coffee liquor (Kahlua) +soda = not super sweet, 20%.
Hope this helps someone out!

If you do accept a drink from someone at a bar and you want to talk, there's no need to feel obligated to spend the rest of the night with them.

Jaqueline Whitmore, founder of The Protocol School of Palm Beach, says to be polite you only have to "Engage in some friendly chit-chat, but you are not obligated to do more than that."

If someone asks to buy you a drink and you don't want it, Whitmore has a great tip. "Say thank you, but you are trying to cut back, have to drive or you don't accept drinks from strangers," Whitmore says.

What if they've already sent the drink over? "Give the drink to the bartender and tell him or her to enjoy it," Whitmore says.

Have fun. Stay safe, and make sure to bring a great wing-man or wing-woman with you.


This article originally appeared on 8.21.19

From Your Site Articles
Women's Health

What should you do if a random girl suddenly approaches and acts like she knows you? Play along.

Women are sharing their stories of pretending to be friends with strangers to get away from creeps and stalkers.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Most women, at one point or another, have felt some wariness or fear over a strange man in public. Sometimes it's overt, sometimes it's subtle, but when your instincts tell you something isn't right and you're potentially in danger, you listen.

It's an unfortunate reality, but reality nonetheless.

A Twitter thread starting with some advice on helping women out is highlighting how real this is for many of us. User @mxrixm_nk wrote: "If a girl suddenly acts as if she knows you in public and acts like you're friends, go along w[ith] it. She could be in danger."

Other women chimed in with their own personal stories of either being the girl approaching a stranger or being the stranger approached by a girl to fend off a situation with a creepy dude.

One wrote, "A girl did this FOR me one time when I was sitting alone at a bar because she could tell I was in a very uncomfortable situation and I'll never forget her. It was bold of her to do that for a stranger but she literally saved me from some creep ass guy."

Another added, "I had a waitress do this for me once when an ex was yelling at me. She didn't leave me out of her sight and when he went to the bathroom she asked if I was ok and if I had roommates or if I was going to be alone with him after. An actual angel."

Another shared how a woman joined her and her husband as if they were old friends until her friends arrived.

Friend Zone Image 2 | Concept shoot in Oakland California. W… | Flickrwww.flickr.com

"A woman walked up to my husband and I saying 'I haven't seen you guys in so long!!' then hugged us. We were ???, but went w/ it. She then pointed out a group of guys that followed her in, and the one that wouldn't leave her alone. He kept getting drinks right near us. Which was odd because we were in the corner out of the way. She hung out w/ us until her other friends got there. Once we realized what had actually happened we were a little shocked."

User "AmberLUVV" shared a story of being in a Dominican Republic port on a cruise when two girls pretended to belong to her family.

"When I went on a cruise with the fam, we ported in DR for a day. My dad and I decided to go the local shopping market. We had took a break on a bench cuz it was HOT! But all of sudden two girls walk up to us and addressed my dad as their own, and proceeded to say that they had And scared! We played it out for a minute longer until they told us what happened! Some men in a van were following them promising to take them to the beach and wouldn't leave them alone! They pointed out one of the guys and I had seen him turn away when they addressed my dad!"

"Raeloe" shared how a girl approached her at a nightclub to get away from a creepy guy when she'd been separated from her friends.

"I had this happen in a nightclub once. My hubby and I were working PAX and this club let's [sic] the enforcers in for free with their badges, I've never been before so he said c'mon let's go. Bout 2 hours in this girl comes up and dances with me and asks if it's okay to stay awhile. She lost her friends and this dude was creeping on her. I told her to take all the time she needs to find her friends. She came back with them later and gave me a big hug for making her feel safe. Would do it again without hesitation."


Another person shared how they'd been the one who needed help.

"Been the person who needed this. Creepy dude wouldn't leave me tf alone, so I walked over to a group of girls and acted very excited to see them again. They immediately caught on and we started talking about whatever. For over an hour. Bcuz he wouldn't leave. They ended up giving me a ride around town bcuz the creeper was following. Made some friends and we made him run a red light, which had a cop chasing him. They got me home and we hung out regularly after that."

And another explained how grateful she was to a woman on the bus who let her act like they were best friends.

One person even shared a video showing exactly what such a scenario looks like in real life.

Some people responded with various "what if" scenarios, like what if a woman is really trying to lure them into a dangerous situation, or what if they want them to accompany them somewhere that might not be safe? But those questions seemed to miss the point that no one was suggesting anyone go anywhere private with anyone, and also seemed to miss how often women actually do find themselves in situations where they need to turn to a stranger for help.

As one woman wrote, "All the people fighting this saying it'll be a setup are underestimating how often women actually do this to get away from creepy men. I've had to do this at a bar and I've also gone up to a women I saw distressed and pretended to be her friend and she played along. It happens.


man in gray crew neck shirt standing beside woman in pink tank top Photo by Nikolas Noonan on Unsplash

I've yelled back. I've thrown drinks in guys faces. I've pushed them away from myself and others. I've reached out for help and asked other guys or security to step in. Sometimes the path of least resistance for a good night is to blend in real quick."

And others pointed out that women don't generally approach men for help unless they feel like they really need to—usually because they end up in situations where men don't respond to the word "no."

Finally, someone suggested a tip for using your phone to ask a girl if she's in danger while pretending to show her a picture, so you both can be clear on what's really happening.

But the bottom line is, if a girl or woman walks up to you and pretends to know you, more often than not it's because she's trying to get away from someone. Play along and accompany her until she's safe. Guaranteed she'll be eternally grateful.


This article originally appeared on

From Your Site Articles
women
Trending Stories