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imposter syndrome

Humor

I thought I knew my pal Nikki Glaser. Then she told me her ‘humiliating’ story about Dave Matthews.

My very famous friend shares some wisdom we could all take to heart.

Permission to use.

Nikki Glaser in a photoshoot.

Comedian, actress, and podcaster Nikki Glaser is a force to be reckoned with. Though she was named in Time Magazine as one of 2025's Most Influential People, her humility never lets it go to her head. She's obviously hilarious, but in a way that pushes boundaries most didn’t even know existed. As a savage roast-master, she somehow simultaneously puts people at ease while she (sweetly) says the dark things we're all thinking.

But it's herself who she roasts the hardest. She's unique and thoughtful with her approach to joke-writing, but is also not afraid to dig deep with the constant effort to better her life. She never shies away from getting truly vulnerable, making most people in the room feel like they're her best friend. Luckily, I actually can call Nikki a friend and can wholeheartedly relay that she's the kind of person who walks into a room and electrifies it. She's not only wicked-smart, but she's the kind of girl's girl who shows up, no matter how busy she is. (I recall once complaining about the Los Angeles dating pool and within five minutes, she had set me up on a blind date.) She's as solid as they come and I was thrilled to chat with her for Upworthy about some things I always wanted to know.

Upworthy: If you remember the movie Sliding Doors—if one thing had gone differently for you—what do you think you’d be doing?

Glaser: "I like to think that if my voice teacher in high school hadn’t taken my mom aside after one of our lessons and told her I had a bad voice and would never make it in musical theater, that I would have kept singing. And maybe would have been able to pursue a career in music, (not musical theater, she was probably right about that one). But I think that I just assumed she meant all singing. Now, I’m way too many years into singing improperly. I take voice lessons now, but it’s so hard to undo years of poor singing that I could have avoided if I had never given up."

  - Gwyneth Paltrow, Nikki Glaser, Sliding Doors, podcats  www.youtube.com  

Glaser continues with the message she wishes she had received earlier, and wishes to impart on younger generations:

"In general, I think that if I had just gotten the message at a young age that talent isn’t born, it’s developed, I would have pursued more things that I thought I just didn’t 'have.' I was never someone who was naturally talented. Stand-up was literally the first thing in my entire life that I seemed to have a knack for, so I just kept doing it. I’m glad I did, but after I read the book The Talent Code in my 30s, I really understood that all I really needed to do to be talented at anything I wanted to be was put in the work.

That’s why I always try to tell kids that they can’t give up if they aren’t good at something. You can literally be better than someone who is naturally talented if you just put more hours in than they do, even if they have a huge head start. I never thought of hard work as the best talent of all. I wish that message had been instilled in me more as a kid."

Upworthy: To that point, if you had a "second dream"—anything you wanted to be at all—what would it be?

Glaser: "Besides a singer/songwriter, my true passion would have been to develop a CBD lip gloss line with H&M. JK. I mean, I’m open to it, but in general, I just wish my life’s work involved more animals. Animals are my passion, and traveling as much as I do, I don’t get to bring my dog as much as I’d like. I also would love to get a bird, but I’m never home and you can’t bring them on planes (I haven’t looked into it). That’s the only part of aging and inevitably getting edged out of show business that I’m looking forward to: I’M GONNA GO FULL BIRD LADY."

Upworthy: Is there a joke you've written that you just can't seem to make work?

Glaser: "I have a joke about how fat people are discriminated against, which is a little tricky because I am not fat. And no one wants to hear a skinny person talk about how hard it is to be fat, but at the same time, I notice it and I want fat people to understand that it’s bullshit and I see them. I’m not trying to be a hero or anything. I just know that my body and food issues stem from the way our society treats fat people and I just feel like not enough is being said about it."

  - Nikki Glaser, comedian, Golden Globes, monologue, stand up comedy  www.youtube.com, CBS 

 

Upworthy: Who or what makes you consistently laugh?

Glaser: "As of late… Rachel Feinstein, David Spade, Martin Short as Jiminy Glick, Tim Robinson, and Chris Fleming. I also LOVED Jim Norton’s latest special on YouTube, UNCONCEIVABLE. And I was just texting earlier today with one of my funniest friends, comedian/writer Sean O’Connor, and we both declared that one of the funniest jokes we’ve ever heard was Nick Swardson’s joke: “I took my cat to the veterinarian today because my cat had diarrhea. And the vet was like, ‘What have you been feeding him?’ and I’m like, 'diarrhea.’"

Upworthy: Why is Cecily so amazing? (JK, JK. I mean, unless you really WANT to answer.)

Glaser: You are kind, non-judgmental, hilarious, effervescent, and just one of the best all-time hangs. Not to mention, sexy and cool!

Upworthy: You have been very open about (and I hate the word journey) your "journey" with mental health. Any tips for people struggling with depression? Like if someone could do "one or two things" to help their mental health, what would you advise?

Glaser: "I would first try a free meditation app. That’s what I did when I was broke and was in desperation for any kind of relief from my negative thoughts. It really helped. I would also recommend 12-step programs. There’s one for just about everything (if you don’t have an addiction, look into the requirements to qualify for Al-Anon because that's really a catch-all). The meetings and fellowship are free and you can go on Zoom and just listen if you are scared to share. And no, you don’t have to believe in God to go."

Upworthy: Have you ever met someone else who's famous and completely freaked out?

Glaser: "Yes, I’m quite an obsessive fan of celebrities who I love, and I can never seem to keep my cool when I meet them. I was a Dave Matthews stan in high school and I met him in 2018 and I humiliated myself by saying the word “sphere” a lot. I don’t even know why. It had nothing to do with the Las Vegas Sphere. It was well before that even existed. Thank God I got to meet him a few years later and act relatively normal.

 dave matthews, celebrities, celebrity crush, jam band Dave Matthews sings in his band.   Giphy  

My policy now with these kinds of icons is that I don’t really want to meet them. I just feel like a huge bother when I share how much they mean to me. Unless of course they are new to fame or have faded from the spotlight; then I’m happy to tell them. Like someone like Patrick Schwarzenegger. I ran into him at a party and it was right after the second episode of White Lotus season three, so I knew he wasn’t being hounded yet. I was happy to bother him and gush over how much of an incredible talent he is. As someone who’s not a huge A-lister, I get how much it means when someone tells you they like your work. But someone who is a global pop star doesn’t need me shaking and crying and telling her she saved my life. I don’t want to bother her with my anxiety. She needs to save her energy to write songs, not hug me so I stop convulsing."

Upworthy: No matter how popular you get, is there one thing about you that will never change?

Glaser: "I don’t think people really ever change. I try! I am always holding out hope that I’ll somehow conquer my imposter syndrome and overall low self-esteem. I’m about to start EMDR therapy. We’ll see how that goes! I know that some artists and comedians argue that it serves their work to be depressed or anxious, but I feel like I've already mined all of my insecurities for material in the first two decades of my career. I’d like to change into someone who’s more confident, but don’t we all? I don’t want to ever think that I’m better than anyone else, but I’d like to lose the core belief that I’m worse than others."

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You may suffer from 'impostor syndrome.' Lots of smart people with signs of high achievement do.

Sometimes it feels like you have to wait for some official entity's permission to do the work you feel called to do.

Lots of people have projects they've been sitting on.

For some people, it's legitimately because some thing they need to move forward has stalled or because they really do have too much on their plate to get to it.

But for many people, it's something else entirely. It's this gripping fear that can set in, making you doubt whether you have any place at all trying to do the work you feel called to do.

Putting yourself out there can be a real internal struggle. Image by Andrew Smith/Flickr.

Maybe it's a book you keep meaning to write. Maybe it's a class about a very specific subject matter you know about that you would like to teach. Maybe it's an art project you don't think anyone would take seriously. That obstacle is called "impostor syndrome."

I'm going to break down what it is here and give you two easy-to-remember steps that you can use to keep working on your project in spite of suffering from this fear.

There's a tension between what comes naturally and what we value.

As Carl Richards, The New York Times' "Sketch Guy," explains:

"Two American psychologists, Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes, gave it a name in 1978: the impostor syndrome. They described it as a feeling of 'phoniness in people who believe that they are not intelligent, capable or creative despite evidence of high achievement.' While these people 'are highly motivated to achieve,' they also 'live in fear of being "found out" or exposed as frauds.'"

Sometimes because a skill we have comes easily to us, we think it must not be that valuable. So when we try to pass it off as valuable, we think we must be fooling people.

Sketch by Carl Richards, used with permission.

Remember, what's easy to you may be really quite difficult for someone else, and that's why what you're good at has value. What's important is to try to see that fear for what it is and overcome it, even if just long enough to keep taking next steps with your work. And speaking of next steps:

There are pretty much two main steps to doing cool things.

I wish I could remember where I read this several years back because I'd love to give credit, but it's one of those things I can't seem to trace back (hit me up on Twitter if you know who coined these). But the tenets stuck with me at a time when I really needed to hear them. When you're feeling paralyzed by "impostor syndrome," it can be helpful to remember that there is a pretty simple process that nearly anyone who succeeds at anything has undertaken.

 1. Create value.

Create something! It doesn't necessarily have to mean forging something out of raw materials in a crafty, artsy way. If you write, write. If you kick ass at connecting with people on social media, build a community. If you make amazing bagels, make them! If you sketch, sketch. If you have brilliant ideas for your neighborhood, start working on them. Making the crucial leap from thought to action is what's important.

 2. Bring that value to the market.

Now here's the thing. "Market" implies you have to figure out how to monetize it. But that's not necessarily true. It can mean that, but it doesn't have to. Really, bringing the value you've created to "the market" just means getting it in front of people. Show it to people who are doing similar things, show it to people who might be able to benefit from it, show it to people who just might get joy out of it. You may figure out a way to monetize it, and hey, that's cool. Or you may just spark a new collaboration or open a door to some other next steps in doing whatever the thing is that you like doing.

 Understanding impostor syndrome can be life-changing — hear Carl Richards discuss on his show, "Behavior Gap," the day he found out from his therapist that this feeling he was having had a name.

Richards learned how to look at his impostor syndrome as a friend and ultimately was able to manage it and make it work in his favor instead of stopping him from accomplishing his work.

 With a little practice, I bet you and I could do the same.

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