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A church put women and LGBTQ people first. Attendance surged.

This church is redefining the relationship between the Black church and queer people.

On a rainy day in Harlem, Rev. Kyndra Frazier, 36, works at her desk at in a quiet office. She’s visibly relaxed, self-aware, and youthful.

Yet her journey to becoming a leader of one of the largest, most historic African American churches in New York City and exuding such confidence wasn’t easy.        


Rev. Frazier was raised in North Carolina. Her family were leaders in the Church of God, so from a young age she found solace and enjoyment in her faith. But her teenage years were conflicted.  

Rev. Frazier is queer — a life the church was starkly against.  

She struggled to reconcile her sexuality and faith, fasting and praying, to no avail. Her parents found out about her queerness while listening in on a phone call between Frazier and her secret girlfriend.

“I recall being ashamed and embarrassed by what they’d heard, Rev. Frazier says. “They let me know that they couldn’t trust me anymore.”    

It took about eight years for her immediate family to accept her. It took even longer for Frazier to realize she could love who she chooses and be a faith-driven person.  

This duality drew Rev. Frazier to First Corinthian Baptist Church (FCBC) and its executive pastor, Rev. Michael A. Walrond, Jr.

Rev. Walrond enjoys preaching in jeans. Photo courtesy of FCBC.

Rev. Waldron, 46, leans into the common themes of Black church identity in his teachings: faith, community, and a dedication to justice.    

Unlike many Baptist clergy, though, Rev. Walrond has extended his message of tolerance and inclusion to a group typically excluded from ministry: the LGBTQ community.

“We as people of color have so many things that we battle with,” Rev. Frazier says. “For many of us, not only are we Black, ... we're also queer. Churches have to do the work that centers those folks and remind them that they’re valid and loved in such challenging times.”  

Rev. Waldron’s progressive nature breathes through every part of the church. Since joining as the executive pastor in 2004, he's surrounded himself with women leaders, a rarity in most churches. His preaching style is casual; he wears jeans — unusual against his suit-and-tie counterparts in Baptist churches around the nation. (He once told The New York Times, “I like being loose when I go out to preach.”)        

But his mannerisms and unique style of preaching connect congregants to the deeper acceptance of each churchgoer in the room. At FCBC, you’re at home, you’re welcome, and nothing — from clothing to sexual orientation — gets in the way of that.

All three of FCBC's Sunday morning services are typically filled to capacity. Photo courtesy of FCBC.

The inclusive efforts have been largely beneficial. FCBC's membership has grown from 350 to 10,000+ people.

Lines of people wrap around the street on Sunday mornings. During the service, gospel music echoes through the white ceilings lined with purple and gold. Churchgoers are each immersed in their own spiritual experiences inside this space that exudes warmth and solidarity.      

It was on a similar Sunday in 2016 that Rev. Frazier came out to the congregation, something nearly unheard of in most religious spaces. For the FCBC’s queer membership, it was especially incredible.

“To see her pronounce who she was openly gay in the pulpit was a huge thing for me to see,” said Olando Charles, a queer member of the church. “If she can make it, so can I.”          

Olando Charles is an active member of FCBC and the HOPE Center. Photo by the author.

Rev. Frazier's visibility in the pulpit likely couldn't have happened without Rev. Walrond constantly striving to bring people of all backgrounds to the church.

While Rev. Walrond's actions aren't surprising to many of his congregants, his outreach — and style of operating a church — are unusual in American church culture: Catholic churches have fired openly gay priests, several churches have removed queer musicians, priests have been fired for vocally supporting LGBTQ rights, and women overall still struggle to be viewed as viable leaders in churches all over the country.

The pastors of FCBC are needed now more than ever.

To reach the most marginalized in the FCBC and Harlem communities, Rev. Waldron opened the HOPE (Healing On Purpose and Evolving) Center to provide free mental health and therapy services.

The HOPE Center is just a few blocks away from FCBC. Photo by the author.

He tapped Rev. Frazier in 2016 to spearhead the organization. The two first met in 2012, and their professional admiration and relationship grew from there.

Before accepting the position, though, Rev. Frazier knew she needed to come out to Rev. Walrond. “He made it clear that it wasn’t an issue,” she says, explaining that Waldron embraced her and saw her sexuality as a gift instead of a problem. He believed she would be able to advocate for the Black, queer people of Harlem who felt unseen in their churches.    

Rev. Frazier continues, “For him to believe in me and trust me to have autonomy to create mental health space was huge and empowering.”  

The center works with those who have experienced or are experiencing religious trauma, loneliness, depression, anxiety, and/or chronic spiritual abuse.

“I remember going to the church and people telling me I didn’t belong,” Tanzania Stone, a queer FCBC member recalls. “It was heartbreaking. I loved God, but they made it out to seem like God didn’t love me because of who I love.”

Stone went through several periods of time when she wasn’t engaged with the church.

“To be a woman of color and to constantly know that you’re being oppressed in society, you want to find refuge in a church,” she explains. “And to go to this place that you’re being told is a refuge, but when they find out who you choose to love, you find out you’re an outcast or an abomination? That hurts.”

Tanzania Stone often participates in FCBC outreach. Photo by the author.

Stone eventually found her place in FCBC and HOPE. “To finally be in a place where I’m being told, no, you are a child of God, you’re worthy of God’s love, it was so liberating,” she told me.

Rev. Frazier says her own experiences with dissenting family members and frustrations in the church motivate her work.  

“My goal here is to create a space for people of color,” she explains. “The stigma has been so great for Black and Brown folks seeking mental health services; this space is truly designated for us.”  

And she says this is just the beginning. A ministry for LGBTQ people — just like there are for men, women, married couples in the faith — is an essential next step to affirming the group.  

Frazier hopes that FCBC will be an example for other churches across the nation because, historically, churches have failed to provide a safe space for queer communities.

Rev. Frazier knows role likely couldn’t have happened 60 years ago (much less 10), given the fraught history of queer people in Black history.

Bayard Rustin — one of the most brilliant and strategic minds of the civil rights movement — was virtually erased from history books about the era because he was gay. Though his influence was often kept behind closed doors, it’s documented that Rustin was one of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s most trusted confidants.

Even outside of the church, the work of queer Black leaders and thinkers such as Audre Lorde and James Baldwin were somewhat ignored and not brought to light in mainstream history until recent years due to pervasive, deep-rooted homophobia.                      

Churches like FCBC are working to change that.

With roughly 79% of Black Americans identifying as Christians — the largest group of Christians in the country — it’s a crucial time for religious organizations in Black communities to support their most vulnerable.      

“We take the teachings of Jesus seriously,” said Rev. Frazier. “Black churches have historically been involved in politically challenging times, and we must continue to do so. We can do that by clothing and feeding others and giving them the support they need to move forward.”

Charles and Rev. Frazier often work together at the church. Photo by the author.

As FCBC continues to grow and find ways to not only be more inclusive, but also more affirming, it’s clear that the pastors aren’t afraid to try ways to include people who’ve previously been left out of communities of faith.      

Rev. Frazier puts it this way: “Understand that working towards inclusion is a matter of who’s growing, not who’s right and who’s wrong. That’s how you move forward.”  

Rev. Frazier is currently fundraising for a documentary called A Love Supreme: Black, Queer and Christian in The South.” You can watch the trailer here and learn how to support the project here.

ups, ups driver, delivery driver, ups deliveries, cookout, family, food, hospitality, kindness
Relaxed008/YouTube
UPS driver invited to family's cookout.

UPS drivers are always on the grind delivering packages around the clock—even on holidays. And one family took notice of the hard-working UPS driver in their neighborhood who had his nose to the grindstone as they enjoyed a cookout together. Rather than simply let him pass by, they decided to flag him down and extend an invite to join them in a move that proved community and hospitality are still alive and well.

TikToker @1fanto shared a touching video with his followers from Easter weekend where his family invited a UPS driver making rounds in their neighborhood to come to their cookout and 'make a plate.'


"Everybody family around here 😭," he captioned the video. "Everybody invited to the cookout.😂"

@1fanto

Everybody family around here 😭 #easter #cookout #wherethefunction

In the video, the UPS driver is seen standing in the family's driveway, and a group of cookout attendees warmly welcome him to join them. The uncle of @1fanto says to the driver, "You've been working hard all day man, you can go on in there!" He calls out for a woman named Stephanie to "take care of him!"

The UPS driver walks up the driveway, and they encourage him to go inside and get his fill as he enters the garage. After securing a plate of food and a drink, the driver walks back outside to mingle with guests, shaking hands with the uncle who invited him.

"You good?" the uncle asks, and the driver responds, "Yeah I'm good. They hooked me up. Thank you so much. Appreciate y'all for inviting me out." On his way back to his truck, the uncle encourages the driver to invite other workers to stop by as well.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

In a follow up video, @1fanto explained more about how the invite went down. He shares that the UPS driver was driving by the family's house on the Saturday before Easter, and at the time the family was enjoying a big fish fry cookout together. His uncle flagged the driver down, and he pulled over.

He shares that his uncle told the driver, "Go inside and get you a plate!" The driver asked him, "Are you sure?" But he reassured him, adding that the family made sure to ask the driver what he wanted and didn't want on his plate to "make sure he was good and got everything he needed".

"I saw it had a positive impact. That's what my family do. That's not something that we just do for social media," @1fanto shared. "That's something that we do on a regular basis that doesn't just happen when the camera's on. It happens when the camera's off, too. We're all equal. We all bleed the same."

ups, ups truck, united parcel service, ups delivery, ups deliveries, ups driver A UPS truck with package deliveries.Image via Wikipedia

Viewers had lots of positive things to say in the comment section.

"I am a UPS driver and that makes our day. People showing love to us"

"Your family represents the best of America🫶🏼 Your uncle is now all of our uncle."

"Working the holidays suck. But they made that man’s entire day. Love it."

"I love when people are nice for no reason. You’re so real ♥️thank you for being so kind."

"Being a delivery driver is grueling, often thankless work. It's awesome to see a family that remembers those hardworking folks are essential parts of our communities."

This article appeared last year. It has been updated.

cher, david letterman, late night, late night show, tv, celebrities, sexism, women, hollywood
Renan Katayama/Wikimedia Commons & Gotfryd, Bernard/Wikimedia Commons

David Letterman and Cher.

Cher had accomplished a laundry list of amazing feats by the time the 1980s rolled around. She'd hit number one on the Billboard Hot 100, had international number-one hits, starred on television and on Broadway, and established herself as an acclaimed actress. In 1988, she even won an Oscar for Best Actress for her role in Moonstruck.

But as of 1986, there was still one major thing she hadn't done: appear on Late Night with David Letterman.


It wasn't for lack of trying on Letterman's part. He'd been trying to get Cher on his show for years and, with the help of a hefty appearance fee, sealed the deal in 1986. The audience was excited. Letterman was excited. But when Cher finally walked out onstage, things didn't get off to the smoothest start.


cher, david letterman, late night, late night show, tv, celebrities, sexism, women, hollywood Cher was the biggest phenomenon on the planet for the better part of the '70s and '80s.Casblanca Records/Wikimedia Commons

After Letterman complimented how she smelled, Cher crossed her arms and deadpanned, "Is this as good as it gets?"

Letterman and the audience laughed it off, but the vibe was clearly tense from the get-go.

"I know you didn't want to come on here, so why, finally... did you decide to come on?" he asked

Cher laughed and joked that she only came on so she could pay an expensive hotel bill. "No, I don't know, because I thought that I would never want to do this show with you," she added.

"Why?" Letterman asked. "Because you thought I was a..."

"An a**hole," Cher bluntly said.

After Letterman riffed briefly on the audience reaction, Cher elaborated: "It was frightening because I see how you deal with your guests and sometimes it's really great and you seem to like them, but if you don't like them, you might as well take a picnic lunch."

From there, Letterman pivoted: "You look great... How many tattoos do you have?"

The interaction has since become an iconic moment, rewatched again and again over the past several decades. The official YouTube clip of the interview currently has more than three million views.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Though beloved by his male fans, Letterman hasn't always had the greatest reputation for his treatment of guests, women in particular. This was a pattern that played out for years. Letterman was known to tease, and at times outright bully, certain guests more than others.

In a 1988 interview, he mocked Shirley MacLaine for her belief in past lives. During a 1986 sit-down with Farrah Fawcett, who appeared nervous and a bit loopy, Letterman had little trouble getting laughs at her expense. Even years later, interviews with Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Jennifer Aniston were widely criticized as mean-spirited or gross. And in 1994, an interview with Madonna turned openly contentious, with both sides trading barbs.

But it wasn't just Letterman. The cruelty of late-night television reached something of a peak in the early 2000s, when hosts routinely mocked female stars like Britney Spears, who was struggling through a highly public mental health crisis. One notable exception was host Craig Ferguson, whose 2007 monologue stood out for its striking empathy in sharp contrast to many of his peers:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Even today, women who appear on late-night shows often find themselves either the butt of the joke or an object of desire.

Research published in The Critical Review of Social Sciences Studies asserts, "Female guests often appear as spectacles for male hosts' humor rather than as authoritative contributors to public discourse. ... The quick-witted, often satirical male hosts discuss political and public affairs in ways that pose hegemonic challenges for female participants, limiting their discursive power."

It’s no wonder that Cher didn't exactly see the Letterman set as a safe space to let her guard down. And in typical Cher fashion, she made her feelings about Letterman clear right from the start. The exchange is an unforgettable moment that works as both a public call-out and an icebreaker. That night in 1986, Cher and Letterman ultimately went on to have a nice (if playfully combative) interview.

For his part, Letterman has since expressed regret about many aspects of his time hosting Late Night, including what he has described as a "toxic work environment" marked by "sexual favoritism" and scandals. It's hard not to wonder whether Cher picked up on those bad vibes at the time and chose to call them out in the only way she knew how, which is exactly why people still love her.

likable, likable person, likable people, conversation, conversation tips

Likable people say these things during conversations to build better relationships.

Making friends and developing deeper, stronger relationships starts with good conversation. Sometimes that means small talk at work, while other times it's the kind of conversation that really takes off at a party.

Some people are naturals when it comes to easy, flowing conversation—especially highly likable people, who tend to attract others and often hold the key to mastering genuine conversation. From their gestures to the way they articulate questions, there's a lot others can learn from them.


Communication experts who spoke to Upworthy say there are 10 things highly likable people do during conversations to build stronger relationships.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

1. They listen without distraction

Listeners often make the best conversationalists.

"That means not looking at your phone or scanning around the room to see who you want to talk to next," says Kerri Garbis, CEO and founder of Ovation Communication. "Focus on the person in front of you only. Make eye contact. This fosters a relationship because when you are fully present, it signals respect, interest, and helps others feel valued versus like they are competing for your attention."

2. They collect data

Being inquisitive about what people need during conversations is key to building stronger relationships.

"If you take a moment to ask your colleague or even friend, 'What are you worried about? What's the biggest concern facing you right now?' you can get great data on how you can help them - in a way that taps into something urgent and top of mind for them," says Kate Mason, PhD, an executive communications coach and author of Powerfully Likeable: A Woman's Guide to Effective Communication. "They'll remember your thoughtfulness and the actions you took."

3. They balance the conversation

Highly likable people never make it all about themselves.

"Sometimes conversations can be 'lopsided' where it's more about the other person than about you," says Rob Volpe, a communication expert and author of Tell Me More About That: Solving the Empathy Crisis One Conversation at a Time. "While that can be okay, you aren't there to be their therapist. Sometimes the context and topic may make it off balance, but if it continues and you aren't feeling seen yourself, feel free to say something like 'I'd love to share my thoughts on this' or 'May I share something I'm dealing with at the moment?'"

4. They mirror their conversation partner

Taking cues from body language can foster deeper relationships.

"It's a subtle way to make someone comfortable because they recognize themself in your actions," says Jennifer Anderson, a communication expert who works with entrepreneurs. "Your energy should match the energy of your counterpart. Think relaxing-in-lounge-chair energy vs. about-to-deliver-a-presentation energy. Those are two very different conversations. If you paired them up, there's definitely about to be some awkwardness."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

5. They skip pre-planned questions

While coming to conversations prepared with questions may help you feel less anxious, highly likable people usually don't use them.

"Often people have questions in their back pocket, like about the weather or sports, but the most likeable people in the room are those who can be present in conversations and ask follow-ups based on what someone is talking about," Garbis says. "This builds a relationship by making conversations feel relational and not transactional."

6. They are self-aware

Highly likable people are masters of self-awareness, especially during conversations.

"Self-awareness of your judgment is key to building relationships," Volpe says. "We all carry biases which can block our view of the person standing in front of us. When you catch yourself being judgmental, have some grace with yourself and get curious about the other person as well as where your judgment is coming from. This clears one of the biggest obstacles to having empathy with others."

7. They respond with affirmation

Highly likable people make others feel seen and heard.

"No matter what is coming out of the person's mouth, make it clear that you're not judging or competing with them," Garbis notes. "If they say: 'I went skiing this weekend,' don't jump in and say that you also went skiing. Say something like, 'Wow, that sounds exciting, tell me more about that.' You can respond with validating statements like: 'That makes sense, or I can see why you're so good at that, or I can see why that matters to you.' This reduces defensiveness and nervousness, and it makes people feel safe to be themselves and creates relationships faster."

@justaskjefferson

it’s been great catching up! #communicationtips #communicationskills

8. They remain calm

Bringing a sense of calm rather than chaos to a conversation can put everyone at ease.

"Calm is the most powerful communication flex you can do," Mason says. "If you can stay calm, especially in a heated conversation, you actually end up looking trustworthy, reliable and unruffled - all very powerful things to be remembered for."

9. They remember names

Highly likable people personalize conversations by using the other person's name.

"Never ever tell people you are terrible at remembering names," Garbis explains. "This will tank the conversation because it signals you don't matter, nothing you say matters, and that you aren't worth remembering. It makes a person mentally check out of the conversation. Use good tricks like repeating a person's name at the beginning and again at the end. If you forgot by the end, say something like, 'It was so fun to hear about your skiing adventure. By the way, I'm Kerri, it was so nice to meet you, and can you remind me of your name? I don't want to forget it?' They'll be so grateful you repeated your name too!"

10. They use humor where they can

Finally, highly likable people make sure to infuse conversations with laughter.

"It's a great connector," Anderson notes. "Don't try to be a standup comic, just find the lighthearted observations and details that you can share in conversations. Humor is never a weapon; judgy and mean-spirited comments convey weakness, not confidence. You'll risk alienating your conversation partner if you come in with a full roast of your friends or coworkers. If all else fails, everyone loves a Dad Joke."

Culture

Why intergenerational 'culture buddies' could be the antidote to loneliness everywhere

Inside the program reconnecting Hamburg's students and seniors.

seniors, loneliness, germany, elders, students

Kulturisten Hoch Zwei provides the link between seniors and high school students.

Picture yourself at eighty-five. You live alone in a fourth-floor apartment in a busy city. You loved the theater in your youth, savoring the thrill as the lights dimmed and the crowd fell to a hush. Now, money is tight, sitting for hours is hard on your body, and perhaps most heartbreaking of all, you have no one to go with.

For millions of older adults around the world, this scenario is more than hypothetical; it's everyday life. Loneliness has become an increasingly widespread issue, affecting physical health as much as smoking or obesity. But in Hamburg, Germany, a remarkable social initiative is offering a different kind of remedy for loneliness among the elderly.


seniors, loneliness, germany, elders, students A high school volunteer with her senior "tandem." Photo credit: Kulturisten Hoch Zwei

This approach, often referred to as "social medicine," drives KULTURISTENHOCH2 (Culture to the Power of Two), a non-profit redefining aging, youth, and the transformative power of human connection.

Unpacking KULTURISTENHOCH2

At its heart, KULTURISTENHOCH2 (also known as KH2) is a "culture buddies" program with a simple, beautiful mission. The project pairs high school students with older neighbors living on low incomes to forge meaningful intergenerational connections.

The project was founded in 2016 by Christine Worth, a former marketing executive inspired by her family history. She remembers watching her father's world grow smaller due to dementia, aging, and isolation, and realized that getting older is an unaddressed social problem. Worth found that for many seniors, not having someone to share the day with was the biggest barrier to leaving the house.

seniors, loneliness, germany, elders, students KH2 makes leaving the house more accessible to senior citizens. Photo credit: Kulturisten Hoch Zwei

Through KH2, seniors are given a "VIP pass" to an unbelievable, culturally rich city. Paired with a local teenager, these elders enjoy free tickets to concerts, plays, and art exhibits, proving that a shared cultural experience can bridge even the largest age gaps.

How the program works

KH2 is designed to remove every barrier that might keep an older person at home, creating a safe, comfortable, and dignified experience from start to finish.

The pairing process

The initiative starts in local schools, where students sixteen and older volunteer to join KH2. These "young buddies" are paired with seniors ages 63 and older—many of whom are living on low incomes or with physical disabilities—within their district, allowing them to attend a wide range of cultural events free of charge.

Seniors are identified and registered as participants if they meet age and income requirements and express an interest in cultural participation.

seniors, loneliness, germany, elders, students Many "culture buddies" stay in contact after the program ends. Photo credit: Kulturisten Hoch Zwei

After matching, the student will contact the senior, coordinate logistics, and accompany them to selected events. Over time, many connections evolve into lasting relationships, with approximately 20% of "generational tandems" reportedly maintaining regular contact beyond the official program.

Door-to-door companionship

Tickets are provided free of charge by KultureLebe Hamburg e.V., a partner program that champions the belief that "culture is not a luxury, culture is food" and arranges free cultural experiences for people on low incomes.

The student arranges a meeting time and place, often picking the senior up from their home and, if requested, accompanying them door-to-door. Travel typically takes place via public transportation, with the student offering practical assistance along the way, such as navigating stairs, reading signage, and more.

Students commit to at least three cultural outings per school year, though many choose to volunteer more often.

Walking in their shoes

One of the most impactful aspects of KH2 is how it prepares the students. Before meeting their senior partners, teens receive specialized training designed to ensure the needs of older adults are met.

Beyond discussing aging and how to navigate communication with seniors, students wear a 77-pound "aging simulation suit," which restricts movement and vision. They are given "ear defenders" to simulate hearing loss and practice using wheelchairs and walkers to experience the physical challenges of older age and its practical challenges.

Cultural experiences for all

Events include a broad range of programs, including the theater, opera, orchestral events, cinema, gallery openings, and festivals. Here, culture serves as a natural "conversation starter" between generations, as shared performances and exhibitions open the door to exchanging perspectives and life stories.

While student participants receive certificates for their volunteer work, the real reward lies in personal growth. Through engaging with seniors from a different generation, they gain a deeper understanding of history, empathy, and human connection.

Sustaining and expanding KH2

The program started with three pilot schools and 37 seniors, and expanded quickly. By the end of 2019, around 165 students and 175 seniors were active in KH2, with more than 850 pairings activated across Hamburg.

seniors, loneliness, germany, elders, students KH2 provides students with excellent life skills and lasting connections. Photo credit: Kulturisten Hoch Zwei

Keeping KH2 running requires significant support. Around 25% of its funding comes from government agencies, with the remainder provided by private foundations, corporate sponsors, and grassroots fundraising efforts.

The science behind the magic of connection

Public health experts are increasingly recognizing that health extends beyond diet and exercise. A groundbreaking 2023 report from the World Health Organization (WHO) linked participation in arts and culture to tangible health benefits, including reduced depression, improved cognitive function, and even increased life expectancy.

"For too long we have seen Science and the Arts as separate endeavors," said Sir Jeremy Farrar, chief scientist at the WHO. "But these silos were not always so. Through much of human history, the creative interface of different disciplines has been a catalyst for both innovation and healing."

In this sense, KH2 functions as more than a community program; it serves as a preventative health strategy.

Creating lasting partnerships

In a society increasingly shadowed by loneliness and isolation, KH2 is grounded in the belief that real change happens through encounter and exchange. Through its life-changing cultural tandems, older adults regain mobility, confidence, and a renewed sense of belonging as active members of society.

By connecting two groups who might otherwise never meet—teenagers just beginning their lives and seniors reflecting on theirs—KH2 creates moments in which age quietly falls away, leaving two souls moved by art.

baseball, high school baseball, travel ball, youth sports, american youth sports,

High schoolers playing baseball.

In December 2025, Katherine Van Dyck, a senior legal fellow at the American Economic Liberties Project, testified before the U.S. House Committee on Education and the Workforce's Subcommittee on Early Childhood, Elementary, and Secondary Education about the growing takeover of youth sports by private equity firms. This new profit-driven system is replacing once-affordable community sports organizations with pricey programs that exclude many families.

At the center of this new youth sports paradigm is the bargain these leagues offer parents: If you pay thousands upon thousands of dollars, your child will have the opportunity to earn a college scholarship and possibly make it to the pros. During her testimony, Van Dyck noted that many parents have bought into the promise.


Parents overestimate the chances their children will receive athletic scholarships

Van Dyck shared a poll showing that 49% of parents whose children participate in youth sports (ages 7-18) are "confident" their child will receive an athletic scholarship. Unfortunately, only about 7% of high school athletes go on to play college sports, and just 2% receive an athletic scholarship.

"Families are going into debt, and it's based on a lie," she said in her testimony. "Forty-nine percent of parents believe their children will get an athletic scholarship. In fact, only two percent of college applicants actually do."

@bobbyleebaseball

What was once recreational neighborhood fun has become mandatory travel sports. Families are being convinced that it is the only way for children to be competitive in the sport, and that if they aren’t giving in to the pressure then they are failing their children. It is not true. Families are spending thousands a year, and hurting their children’s health and development along the way, because they don’t realize they are being manipulated into spending. It’s a marketing scheme meant to keep registration numbers and tournament participation high, to extract as much as they can from families. And parents have been convinced that if they aren’t doing it, then their children’s are missing out. Everyone is sounding the alarm, and it has now made its way to the U.S. House Committee on Education and the Workforce Subcommittee on Early Childhood Education. #congress #baseball #youthsports #youthbaseball #children

If 49% seems like an anomaly, a 2024 study found similarly inflated expectations: 34% of parents with children ages 6 to 17 believe their kids will play college sports, and 27% think they are likely to receive a college scholarship.

Youth leagues often dangle the scholarship carrot in front of parents who face either heavy debt or foregoing college altogether. They also appear to brandish the stick, suggesting that parents who don't pay up aren't doing everything possible to help their kids succeed.

basketball, youth basketball, basketball parents, parents and children, basketball court Parents posing with their young kids on a basketball court. via Canva/Photos

"The industry has learned that the easiest way to get parents to ignore their instincts is to convince them that their instincts are selfish," said Dr. Jennifer Fraser, who studies youth sports psychology, according to Beyond the Drill. "Parents will endure almost anything if they believe it's what their child needs to succeed."

Melissa Panzer, a TikToker who focuses on the challenges of being a working mom, recently went viral with a video responding to Van Dyck's testimony and unpacking why so many parents are hedging their bets on a college scholarship. She also outlined a new way forward for parents who don't buy the story the youth leagues are selling.

@seriouslymakeitmakesense

This clip isn’t about sports. It’s about how families are being squeezed. For context: • There are roughly 8 million high school athletes in the U.S. each year • About 160,000 will receive any athletic scholarship money • Most scholarships are partial, not full rides • Meanwhile, youth sports has grown into a $30+ billion industry — almost entirely funded by families That mismatch isn’t an accident. It’s the business model. In the meantime, while the system remains broken, here are a few things that can help soften the blow: • Ask what your child actually enjoys — not what feels strategic • Set a clear family budget before the season starts • Remember that most college pathways do not run through elite youth sports • Know that opting out is not “falling behind” Parents aren’t the problem. They’re the product. 📌 Testimony from a hearing before the House Committee on Education and the Workforce Credit to Katie Van Dyck Thanks to @seasters jones. for sharing the cllip

Why parents are betting on their kids getting athletic scholarships

According to Panzer:

"So, parents start looking for any way to reduce that [college] bill later. And sports have become one of the few paths that still look merit-based. Most parents don't actually believe that their kid is the exception, but when college feels impossible to pay for, hope still creeps in. Because the alternative is debt, and that follows your kid around for decades, and that sucks. And that's why families keep paying, not because they're foolish, but because the system is designed to monetize fear and aspiration at the same time. And that's what's infuriating."

Panzer argued that if parents truly want their children to earn scholarships, they should focus on academics. "Way more students receive academic scholarships than athletic scholarships," Panzer said. "Athletic scholarships get all the hype, but they are one of the rarest forms of aid."

She closed her video by laying out several things parents should consider before spending thousands of dollars on elite youth sports teams and travel clubs:

"Ask what your child really enjoys—not what feels strategic."

"Set a clear family budget before the season starts."

"Remember that most college pathways do not lead through elite youth sports."

"Know that opting out is not 'falling behind.'"

"Parents aren't the problem, they're the product."