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We Broke Down 528 Pages Of The CIA Torture Report Into 10 Tweets That Sum Up The B.S. Quite Nicely

The CIA didn't have to go along with the plan. But they did. And the U.S. government didn't have to let this "blatant illegality" slide. But it did. Hmm. Is America having a little *moment* where we don't prosecute illegal things? (Big bankers, grand juries, and torture reports, oh my! Oh no.) That's a question I'M currently asking. But before we delve into the whys and hows of what happened, here's what we know about just what's in the report.

We Broke Down 528 Pages Of The CIA Torture Report Into 10 Tweets That Sum Up The B.S. Quite Nicely

A 500+ page report was released in December 2014 on how the Central Intelligence Agency handled its interrogations in the wake of 9/11. Here are the seven highlights. Walk with me down Yet Another Sad Day for America Lane.

This video is a great summary of all the implications of what the CIA did.


The congressional report on the CIA's Detention and Interrogation Program (aka torture) in the wake of 9/11 shows these things:

1. The CIA was doing a whole lotta torturing.

Not just water boarding — which is Torture Lite™ (its own brand of messed up) — but truly, madly, deeply medieval stuff.

2. That torturing was a whole lotta illegal.

And not just in the USA. Globally, what happened is Genuine Bad Guy™ behavior.

There's a little thing called the Convention Against Torture the United Nations all agreed on, and yeah...

...on a scale of 1 to super against all of the laws, I'm gonna give it a super against all the laws.

3. They kept their wrongdoings a whole lotta secret.

From the secretary of state! Gotta love that. Unsupervised torturers, yay.

Sen. Diane Feinstein, aka shining beacon of truth in the darkness, is giving me LIFE with this report.

THIS IS WHY WE VOTE FOR COOL PEOPLE! THEY DO THE COOL THINGS! (Sorry, I get intense about voting sometimes. Read on!)

4. That illegal bad-guy torturing actually didn't work.

They never got info that was "effective."

6. Punishment? Nah.

After getting no info and basically becoming CIA's darkest timeline possible, the illegal bad-guy torturers with no useful information got a whole lotta NO consequences.

  • Bonus cash involved, too.

The people who said torture was OK are millionaires now! SUPER! #AngrySarcasm

This sets a truly interesting precedent for America's Next Worst Bad Guy, don't you think? Be a part of the CIA, do super deplorable horrifying things, get away with it, make money! Rinse, repeat.

7. BONUS QUESTION: What about the dude who TOLD ON THE CIA (aka stuck out his neck, aka did the right thing as a whistleblower...)?

He's in jail.

In this moment, I even agree with John McCain!


The CIA *USED* to use modern art (yes, like paintings) as a weapon. WTF happened, guys?

We can do better!

Images courtesy of John Scully, Walden University, Ingrid Scully
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Since March of 2020, over 29 million Americans have been diagnosed with COVID-19, according to the CDC. Over 540,000 have died in the United States as this unprecedented pandemic has swept the globe. And yet, by the end of 2020, it looked like science was winning: vaccines had been developed.

In celebration of the power of science we spoke to three people: an individual, a medical provider, and a vaccine scientist about how vaccines have impacted them throughout their lives. Here are their answers:

John Scully, 79, resident of Florida

Photo courtesy of John Scully

When John Scully was born, America was in the midst of an epidemic: tens of thousands of children in the United States were falling ill with paralytic poliomyelitis — otherwise known as polio, a disease that attacks the central nervous system and often leaves its victims partially or fully paralyzed.

"As kids, we were all afraid of getting polio," he says, "because if you got polio, you could end up in the dreaded iron lung and we were all terrified of those." Iron lungs were respirators that enclosed most of a person's body; people with severe cases often would end up in these respirators as they fought for their lives.

John remembers going to see matinee showings of cowboy movies on Saturdays and, before the movie, shorts would run. "Usually they showed the news," he says, "but I just remember seeing this one clip warning us about polio and it just showed all these kids in iron lungs." If kids survived the iron lung, they'd often come back to school on crutches, in leg braces, or in wheelchairs.

"We all tried to be really careful in the summer — or, as we called it back then, 'polio season,''" John says. This was because every year around Memorial Day, major outbreaks would begin to emerge and they'd spike sometime around August. People weren't really sure how the disease spread at the time, but many believed it traveled through the water. There was no cure — and every child was susceptible to getting sick with it.

"We couldn't swim in hot weather," he remembers, "and the municipal outdoor pool would close down in August."

Then, in 1954 clinical trials began for Dr. Jonas Salk's vaccine against polio and within a year, his vaccine was announced safe. "I got that vaccine at school," John says. Within two years, U.S. polio cases had dropped 85-95 percent — even before a second vaccine was developed by Dr. Albert Sabin in the 1960s. "I remember how much better things got after the vaccines came out. They changed everything," John says.

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When "bobcat" trended on Twitter this week, no one anticipated the unreal series of events they were about to witness. The bizarre bobcat encounter was captured on a security cam video and...well...you just have to see it. (Read the following description if you want to be prepared, or skip down to the video if you want to be surprised. I promise, it's a wild ride either way.)

In a North Carolina neighborhood that looks like a present-day Pleasantville, a man carries a cup of coffee and a plate of brownies out to his car. "Good mornin!" he calls cheerfully to a neighbor jogging by. As he sets his coffee cup on the hood of the car, he says, "I need to wash my car." Well, shucks. His wife enters the camera frame on the other side of the car.

So far, it's just about the most classic modern Americana scene imaginable. And then...

A horrifying "rrrrawwwww!" Blood-curdling screaming. Running. Panic. The man abandons the brownies, races to his wife's side of the car, then emerges with an animal in his hands. He holds the creature up like Rafiki holding up Simba, then yells in its face, "Oh my god! It's a bobcat! Oh my god!"

Then he hucks the bobcat across the yard with all his might.

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Images courtesy of John Scully, Walden University, Ingrid Scully
True

Since March of 2020, over 29 million Americans have been diagnosed with COVID-19, according to the CDC. Over 540,000 have died in the United States as this unprecedented pandemic has swept the globe. And yet, by the end of 2020, it looked like science was winning: vaccines had been developed.

In celebration of the power of science we spoke to three people: an individual, a medical provider, and a vaccine scientist about how vaccines have impacted them throughout their lives. Here are their answers:

John Scully, 79, resident of Florida

Photo courtesy of John Scully

When John Scully was born, America was in the midst of an epidemic: tens of thousands of children in the United States were falling ill with paralytic poliomyelitis — otherwise known as polio, a disease that attacks the central nervous system and often leaves its victims partially or fully paralyzed.

"As kids, we were all afraid of getting polio," he says, "because if you got polio, you could end up in the dreaded iron lung and we were all terrified of those." Iron lungs were respirators that enclosed most of a person's body; people with severe cases often would end up in these respirators as they fought for their lives.

John remembers going to see matinee showings of cowboy movies on Saturdays and, before the movie, shorts would run. "Usually they showed the news," he says, "but I just remember seeing this one clip warning us about polio and it just showed all these kids in iron lungs." If kids survived the iron lung, they'd often come back to school on crutches, in leg braces, or in wheelchairs.

"We all tried to be really careful in the summer — or, as we called it back then, 'polio season,''" John says. This was because every year around Memorial Day, major outbreaks would begin to emerge and they'd spike sometime around August. People weren't really sure how the disease spread at the time, but many believed it traveled through the water. There was no cure — and every child was susceptible to getting sick with it.

"We couldn't swim in hot weather," he remembers, "and the municipal outdoor pool would close down in August."

Then, in 1954 clinical trials began for Dr. Jonas Salk's vaccine against polio and within a year, his vaccine was announced safe. "I got that vaccine at school," John says. Within two years, U.S. polio cases had dropped 85-95 percent — even before a second vaccine was developed by Dr. Albert Sabin in the 1960s. "I remember how much better things got after the vaccines came out. They changed everything," John says.

Keep Reading Show less