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Try To See If You Recognize Your State On This Map. I Bet Ya Don't.

I'm from Missouri. In school we learned a LOT about Lewis and Clark, Sacajawea, and all sorts of rich Missouri history stuff. (I even know that the word "Missouri" means "of the big canoe.") So when I saw this map, I thought, "Oh yeah, I'm gonna know this stuff." Nope. It's more than a bummer how overlooked Native American history is, and I hope this map adds a tiny blip of awareness to a too-long-ignored past.

What's *your* state's original name?

Alabama (Chickasha) – The Chickasha also had a strong presence in modern-day Mississippi. Most were removed and relocated to south-central Oklahoma in the decade following the Indian Removal Act of 1830. Descendants reside there today.

Arizona (Ndeh) – Widely known as Chiricahua Apache, they currently reside on various reservations throughout Arizona, notably the San Carlos Reservation.

Arkansas (Ugakhpa) – Removed to Oklahoma in 1834. Today, they roll 3,240 deep. The name “Arkansas” comes from “Arkansea,” the name they were called by the Algonquian-speaking Illini people.

California (Chumash) – Before Spanish contact in 1789, they were 22,000 strong and lived in the territory stretching from modern-day Malibu to Paso Robles. By the mid-1830s, their “officially registered” numbers were down to under 3,000. Today, they live mostly on the Santa Ynez Reservation in Santa Barbara, where there are 249 residents.

Colorado (Hinonoeino) – In 1864, Col. John Chivington and his Colorado militiamen murdered an estimated 70-163 Hinonoeino (Arapaho) in a sneak attack that become known as the Sand Creek massacre. In 1999, two “Northern Arapaho” descendants named Ben and Gail Ridgely organized a group of runners to run from Limon, Colorado, to Ethete, Wyoming, in commemoration of their ancestors who were forced to escape Chivington’s forces on foot. Most Hinonoeino still live in Colorado.

Connecticut (Quinnipiac) – Widely dispersed as a result of ethnic cleansing, religious conversion and encroachment happened to them at the hands of Puritans. Today, refugee descendants can be found as far west as Texas and as far north as Quebec.

Delaware (Nanticoke) – The first Nanticoke reservation was established in 1684. In 1881, they reorganized as the Nanticoke Indian Association and in 1922 were chartered as a non-profit organization. Today, they regularly host public cultural events, like powwows.

Florida (Thimogna) – Reduced by conquest from one of the largest tribes in the southeast, with 35 separate chiefdoms, to utter extinction by the turn of the 19th century.

Georgia (Muscogee) – Removed to Oklahoma and a small strip in Alabama in 1832. Now they are dispersed largely throughout the southeastern U.S.

Idaho (Nimi) – Reside largely on the 770,000-acre Nez Perce Reservation, the largest in Idaho. Their original territory was estimated at 17 million acres.

Illinois (Kaskaskaham) – The pre-eminent cause of death among the Kaskaskia was disease brought by Europeans, to which they had no immunity. Today, their numbers are a fraction of what they once were, and they mostly reside in Oklahoma.

Indiana (Mengakonkia) – Now recognized as part of the Miami Nation, they reside throughout Indiana, Oklahoma, and parts of Michigan and Ohio.

Iowa (Bah-kho-je) – 517 of the currently registered 697 members now live in Oklahoma.

Kansas (Hutanga) – Also known as the Kansa or Kaw. The last fluent speaker of the Kansa language reportedly died in 1983, and the last full-blooded member died in 2000.

Kentucky (Honniasont) – Described as a “little-known indigenous people” who inhabited the Ohio Valley above Louisville.

Louisiana (Yuk'hiti ishak) – Most are believed to have been decimated by disease in the 1850s. But descendants live in Texas and Louisiana, and a group of 450 gathered for the first time in over 100 years in 2006.

Maine (Lnu'k) – A strong presence in modern-day Canada, they signed a historic agreement in 2010 stating that the federal government had to consult them before pursuing any activities or projects that impact them.

Maryland (Accomack) – Later known as the Gingaskin, their Virginia reservation was dissolved by the state’s General Assembly in 1813. Today, their descendants live in Maryland and Virginia.

Massachusetts (Massachusett) – One of the first groups to encounter Europeans, their numbers saw an early, sudden, and rapid decline in the 17th and 18th centuries due to infectious diseases. Descendants continue to live in the greater Boston area.

Michigan (Meskwaki) – Today, most live in a settlement in Tama County, Iowa. During World War II, many served in North Africa as “code talkers” against the Germans.

Minnesota (Dakota) – Following the Dakota War of 1862, where Dakota fighters spent the end of summer raiding white homesteads and killing hundreds of settlers, 38 Dakota men were found guilty of rape and murder. Abraham Lincoln had them all killed in the largest mass execution in American history. Today, Dakota people are widely dispersed throughout the Midwest and South.

Mississippi (Chahta) – Per the 2010 Census, Chahta people live in every state of the union. Despite their origins in the Deep South, their largest numbers are in Oklahoma, followed by Texas then California.

Missouri (Neutache) – Many had their own federally allotted homesteads by the early 20th century, but in 1912, the government forced them off their lands when they discovered oil there. Today, they are based in Red Rock, Oklahoma.

Montana (Apsáalooke) – The 2000 Census reported over 6,000 members living on reservations, mostly the 2,300,000-acre Crow Indian Reservation in south-central Montana. In 2008, Barack Obama became the first presidential candidate to ever visit the nation.

Nebraska (Umonhon) – In the 1930s and 1940s, archaeologists excavated a large number of skeletons from Umomhon (Omaha) burial grounds and grave sites and held them in museums for study. In 1989, the Umonhon reclaimed 100 of their ancestors’ skeletons.

Nevada (Numa) – As of last year, 892 members lived on reservations throughout southwestern Utah. Others reside in California and Nevada.

New Hampshire (Penakuk) – Massive numbers of Penakuk were killed off by diseases introduced by Europeans. Many fled north and west, where many more were murdered by English colonists. Though they are no longer recognized as a distinct group, “many bands of Abenaki … in New Hampshire, Canada, and Vermont have Penakuk blood in their veins.

New Jersey (Lenni-Lenape) – Most were forced westward by Europeans and ended up as widely dispersed as New York, Canada, Colorado, Kansas, and Idaho. Some still reside in New Jersey, but “large communities” live near Bartlesville and Anadarko, Oklahoma.

New Mexico (Nafiat) – The Nafiat are one of New Mexico’s myriad “Pueblo” tribes. In 2013, a bill passed in Congress that would transfer 700 acres of national forest land to their Sandia Pueblo holdings. It is “unclear” whether the House will “take any action about the bill.”

New York (Kanien'kehaka) – Today, most members live in settlements throughout northern New York and southeastern Canada. In 2012, Time magazine ran a profile of some of the Kanien’kehaka – commonly known as “Mohawk” – ironworkers who made up about 10% of those building the One World Trade Center tower.

North Carolina (Skarureh) – Originally one of the most prominent nations in North Carolina, the Skarureh now have neither federal nor state recognition. Their descendants mostly live in Oklahoma, where they’ve been absorbed into other groups like the Seneca and Cayuga.

North Dakota (Hiraacá) – A smallpox epidemic in 1837-1838 reduced their numbers to around 500. Today, their descendants reside mainly on the Fort Berthold Reservation in North Dakota, where they’ve affiliated themselves with two other groups, the Mandan and the Arikara.

Ohio (Shawanwa) – A group of Shawanwa known as the “Loyal Shawnee” were among the very last to leave their Ohio homeland in the late 19th century. In 2008, the federal government counted 7,584 “enrolled” members, most living in Oklahoma.

Oklahoma (Niukonska) – The Niukonska – known as “Osage” – were one of the only American Indian nations to buy their own reservation. It currently encompasses 1,470,000 acres in present-day Osage County, Oklahoma.

Oregon (Nimipu) – Today, tribal lands are mostly centered on a reservation in northern Idaho. Nimipu Chief Joseph stated one of the most famous surrender quotes in American history: "Hear me, my chiefs, I am tired. My heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands, I will fight no more forever."

Pennsylvania (Alliwegis) – The majority were wiped out early on during wars with other Native tribes. Anthropologists have hypothesized that the remaining few fled to Virginia and South Carolina. Some of the Seneca people living in Kansas and Oklahoma claim to be descendants.

Rhode Island (Narragansett) – They lost much of their land during Rhode Island’s “detribalization” efforts between 1880-1884. They still reside in Rhode Island but have been embroiled in constant legal battles over land ever since.

South Carolina (Ye Iswah h're) – The U.S. government terminated their registered tribe status in 1959, and it wasn’t until 1993 that they regained federal recognition. As of 2006, their numbers had grown to about 2,600.

South Dakota (Lakota) – The Lakota are currently recognized as a semi-autonomous nation within the U.S. This gives them leeway in deviating from some state laws – such as gambling – but ultimately they’re beholden to federal oversight. Some Lakota have been active in efforts to secede from the states altogether. In 2014, a group launched a digital currency called MazaCoin, which they dubbed “the national currency of the traditional Lakota nation.”

Tennessee (Ani'yunwi'ya) – Commonly known as the “Cherokee” nation, most now reside in Oklahoma and North Carolina. Many even made their way to Oregon and California, where they were drawn by job availability during the Great Depression.

Texas (Numunuu) – They have around 15,191 members today, around half of whom live in the tribal jurisdictional area around Lawton and Fort Sill, Oklahoma. Less than 1% of them speak their original language today.

Utah (Nunt'zi) – Primarily dispersed throughout three reservations in Utah, one of which also bleeds into Colorado and New Mexico. In total, they number about 7,000.

Vermont (Alnobak) – One of a handful of tribes whose numbers appear to have grown in recent years. Between 1990 and 2000, the Alnobak population in America jumped from 1,549 to 2,544 people, with 6,012 claiming Alnobak (“Abenaki”) heritage. In Canada, they numbered 2,164 in 2006.

Virginia (Monacan) – To date, they have not been recognized as a tribe by the federal government. As of 2009, there are approximately 2,000 identifying members.

Washington (Waluulapam) – Today, most live on the Confederated Tribes of the Umatilla Indian Reservation near Pendleton, in northeastern Oregon.

West Virginia (Mohetan) – No known populations survive today. The best-known document of the Mohetan’s existence has been brief mentions in the journals of English explorers from the 1600s.

Wisconsin (Mamaceqtaw) – Their tribe status was terminated by the U.S. government in the 1950s, but they regained federal recognition in 1973. The Mamaceqtaw (Menominee) have 8,700 members today, mostly on a 353.894-square mile reservation in Wisconsin.

Wyoming (Tsisistas) – Merged with the Sutai people in the early 19th century, today they are collectively recognized as the Southern and Northern Cheyenne. Intermarriage with other groups has blurred definitive population count, but estimates put total “Cheyenne” numbers at over 20,000.

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Sweden makes stunning decision to trademark its name to avoid confusion

The country is taking historic steps to fix the problem.

via Visit Sweden (used with permission)

A Swedish woman taking things into her own hands.

True

Sweden has existed for over 1,000 years, but travelers across the globe are confused because other places, inspired by the country’s untouched beauty and joyously inclusive culture, have taken its name.

Seven other places in the world call themselves Sweden, so to distinguish itself from the name-alikes, the Kingdom of Sweden is taking a bold, historic step that no country has before. It’s become the first to apply to trademark its name with the European Union Intellectual Property Office.

Visit Sweden likens the country’s problem to a luxury brand that has to contend with dupes, knockoffs, or bootlegs that fall short of the glory of the genuine article.

“It’s flattering that other places want to be called Sweden, but let’s be honest, there should only be one. Our Sweden. The one with the Northern Lights, endless forests, and the world’s best flat-pack furniture,” says Susanne Andersson, CEO at Visit Sweden.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

By trademarking its name, Sweden will make things much less confusing for travelers worldwide. It’d be a shame for someone looking to visit Sweden’s majestic Lapland to mistakenly wind up in a place with no reindeer, Aurora Borealis, or cloudberries to be found.

The world-class research team at Visit Sweden knew it had to act when it realized that other destinations with the same name had tripped up travelers. People looking to vacation in Portland, Oregon, have accidentally wound up in Portland, Maine. Travelers yearning to experience the fall in Manchester, New Hampshire, have been deplaning in Manchester, England. “It happens more than you think!” the researchers admitted.


sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation The Northern Lights in Sweden. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Jann Lipka/imagebank.sweden.se

The E.U. Intellectual Property Office must act swiftly and allow Sweden to trademark its name so that travelers worldwide don’t miss the opportunity to experience an utterly unique country known for its serene landscapes, commitment to deep relaxation and personal freedom.

No one should ever miss out on staying on one of Sweden’s 267,570 islands, more than any other country. The Swedish archipelagos offer luxurious glamping, peaceful hikes, tranquil solitude and awe-inspiring, pristine nature.

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A woman camping in the Swedish archipelago.via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Anders Klapp/imagebank.sweden.se


Sweden is a beautiful place to visit all year round, with bright summers, colorful falls, vibrant springs and dark, crisp winters. It is also a place to delight your tastebuds with a cuisine centered on healthy, locally sourced produce, with some preparation methods dating back to the Viking era.

The original Sweden is a place where one can relish Old World European history while also enjoying the modern pleasures of the most progressive countries in the world. Travelers can be whisked back into history by visiting the Naval Port of Karlskona, a well-preserved European naval town from 1680. Or, enjoy cutting-edge design, delicacies, art, music and culture in hip metropolitan destinations such as Stockholm or Sweden’s “coolest city,” Gothenburg.

Did we mention Sweden has an ABBA museum? Wait till the other 7 Swedens find out about that.

As you can see, Sweden is an incredibly unique destination that cannot be duplicated. It would be a tragedy for anyone intending to visit the original Sweden to mistakenly find themselves in a name-alike place that lacks its Scandinavian charm. You can do your part to stop the confusion by signing a petition to let Sweden trademark Sweden at Visit Sweden (the original).

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A Swedish Midsommar celebration. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Stefan Berg/Folio/imagebank.sweden.se

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Woman who was pressured to quit her job to raise stepdaughter's baby makes a bold decision

This sparked an important conversation about family responsibility.

via Pixabay

When parents can't step up, should grandparents step in?

A story that recently went viral on Reddit’s AITA forum asks an important question: What is a parent’s role in taking care of their grandchildren? The story is even further complicated because the woman at the center of the controversy is a stepparent.

At the time of writing her post, the woman, 38, met her husband Sam, 47, ten years ago, when his daughter, Leah, 25, was 15. The couple married five years ago after Leah had moved out to go to college.

Leah’s mom passed away when she was 10.

When Leah became pregnant she wanted to keep the baby, but her boyfriend didn’t. After the disagreement, the boyfriend broke up with her. This forced Leah to move back home because she couldn’t afford to be a single parent and live alone on a teacher’s salary.

Leah’s story is familiar to many young mothers facing similar difficulties.

The father isn’t involved in the baby’s life as a caretaker or financially. Sadly, research shows that 33% of all children in the U.S. are born without their biological fathers living in the home.

a young mother holds her baby

Single motherhood comes with unique hardships.

via Alexander Grey/Unsplash

The new mother is a teacher and can’t afford to live on her own with a child. In 2019, a study found that out the top 50 U.S. cities, Pittsburgh is the only one where a new teacher could afford rent.

Today, Portland, OR has joined the very short list of cities where an "average teacher can afford 91.3% of apartments within community distance of their school" according to a recent study.

The stressors of taking care of the baby made Leah realize she needed help.

“But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself.”

“Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave the baby at daycare or with a nanny,” the woman continued. “Sam and I both work as well.”

Leah asked her stepmother if she would stay home with the baby. The stepmother said no because she never wanted to have a baby and she has a job. “I asked why Leah can't stay home with the baby herself,” the woman wrote. “She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and needed something else in her life too.”

A woman holds a newborn baby.

The demands of new motherhood are usually all-encompassing.

via Pixabay

After the woman told her stepdaughter no, her husband pressured her to stay home with the baby. But she refused to give up her job to raise her stepdaughter’s child. “Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didn't love her, and my husband is also mad at me,” the woman wrote. The woman asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong for “refusing to help my stepdaughter with the baby,” and the community responded with rapturous support.

"[The woman] should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter’s baby. If he wants a family member to look after her baby while she works, then he can do it," user Heavy_Sand5228 wrote.

"This is Leah's baby that she alone chose to have. That doesn't obligate you to change YOUR life to suit her desires. The whole business of saying you don't love her because you won't quit your job to watch her baby is manipulative and messed up, and I'm shocked your husband is siding with her," user SupremeCourtJust-a** added.

Leah and many women like her are in this situation because, in many places, teachers are underpaid, rent is high, and not all dads pay child support, even those required by law.

Another commenter noted that the baby is much more the father’s responsibility than the stepmother's. "To add, Leah should consider seeking child support from her ex. Her kid should be getting that money," Obiterdicta wrote.

While there are resources to help stepparents connect with their stepchildren and step-grandchildren, it's important to remember that the responsibility to raise a child ultimately rests with the parent(s).

This article originally appeared last year.

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Parents get a wave of support after their family has 'unhinged' reaction to new baby's name

Hope their family was taking notes.

Canva

Unsolicited opinions aren't just annoying. They can be hurtful.

Sure, parents sometimes make an…interesting choice when it comes to naming their child. But the key word there is "choice." It probably goes without saying that it’s not the best move to insert an opinion on something rather personal and vulnerable like a child's name, especially when that opinion is not requested.

But nonetheless, people do cross this boundary, expressing their disapproval and giving new moms and dads yet another reason to second-guess themselves.

As one frustrated mom shared on Reddit, her own in-laws gave what she described as the “most unhinged” reaction to her newborn’s name, leaving her and her husband completely “crushed.”

At first, everything went smoothly.

“I just had a baby this week,” the mom wrote in her post. “We were still in the hospital when we announced her name and got a slew of the usual responses that normal, sane people say when hearing about the name of a baby (‘what a lovely name!’). Because saying anything different is insane, right?”

But when her husband texted his side of the family to share their newborn daughter’s name, all hell broke loose.

Mind you, these parents didn’t name their child Watermelon Gumdrop or Fern Gully or something else truly out there. The name they chose, which caused them a lot of unnecessary grief, was Rosa.

Not only does Rosa (the Spanish word for “rose”) sound lovely, it carries all poetic meaning symbolized by the flower: hope, love, and courage. What’s not to like?

a photo of a rose

Rosa is a baby girl name of Mexican origin.

Canva

But instead of celebrating their name choice, the mother-in-law apparently responded with, ““No, I don’t really like that name. I much prefer Violet.”

“We were stunned,” the woman continued. “I simply cannot imagine being a family member who’s being INFORMED of a newborn’s name, and thinking you should have input…We LOVE our daughter’s name, and did not want to have our first moments with our daughter marred by this comment.”

But wait, it gets worse.

The husband's family then called several times after their texts were ignored. The following day, the husband’s sister also sent a barrage of texts with “alternatives [that] she prefers.”

Then, when told that the entire family on the mom’s side supported the name, the mother-in-law laughed and said, “They must not have good taste—nobody here likes it. Nobody.”

Now, this next part really shows the effect this appalling behavior had on the new parents:

“We are sleep deprived. Coming down from an emotional high, during which our daughter was in NICU and I almost needed a blood transfusion because of how much blood I lost. My husband, so stoic and assured, is f**king crushed. I’m FUMING. I will NEVER forget how they made my husband feel during one of the most vulnerable and special times in his life,” the mom wrote.

Most Unhinged Reaction To Naming Your Child?
byu/UWhatMate innamenerds

People who read this woman’s story were “livid” on her behalf, and rallied to give her some long overdue support.

“What on earth is wrong with Rosa???? It’s a beautiful name!! Tell your mother-in-law she is ridiculous and she can shut up immediately, if not sooner,” one person commented.

Another pointed to how truly ridiculous this situation was, writing, “The name is ROSA? I thought from reading this that it was at least going to be a controversial name. Rosa is beautiful. Even if it’s not your cup of tea, it’s hard to find anything wrong with it. OP should take this as the sign it is and reevaluate their individual relationships with that side of the family.”

Several even suggested going into little-to-no-contact mode with that side of the family, since odds are they wouldn’t prove any more helpful in the stressful postpartum days to come.

“Tell her she doesn’t need to meet baby if she is so insistent on the name being changed,” one person commented.

Sadly, sometimes stronger boundaries must be established with those who will not respect more lenient ones, especially when it comes to family members—and especially when it comes to parents trying to raise their kids in the most healthy environment possible. Hopefully these parents were able to move forward and enjoy welcoming little Rosa into the world.


This article originally appeared last year.

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Star neuroscientist Andrew Huberman breaks down two simple exercises to improve vision

The eyes are muscles like any other and need both stimulation and relaxation.

Canva

Treat the eyes like a muscle. Give them exercise and relaxation.

We spend a lot of time looking at things up close, particularly our screens. For many of us, it’s the first thing we look at in the morning, the last thing we look at before going to sleep, and the thing we look at most during all those hours in between. According to a study commissioned by Vision Direct, the average American will spend 44 years looking at a screen. You read that right. Over. Four. Decades.

Really, it’s no wonder that eyesight has worsened. Experts have declared that myopia, aka nearsightedness, has grown to an epidemic level. In addition, we suffer more headaches and migraines, get poor sleep, and tend to feel more fatigued.

Luckily, there are a few things we can do to help, whether we boast 20/20 vision or are already constantly squinting.

Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman, well known for his podcast “Huberman Lab,” breaks down all kinds of science-based life hacks for health, wellness, and fitness.

In addition to studying the brain, one of Huberman’s main research topics is vision. In a video, Huberman shares two simple exercises that can dramatically help improve eyesight.

First and foremost, we need to allow our vision to relax.

You can’t do this just by looking up from your computer screen. Instead, Huberman suggests going to a window and looking out at a point in the distance. Ideally, you would open the window because windows filter out a lot of the blue light and sunlight that you want during the daytime. Better yet, go to a balcony, relax your eyes, and look out at the horizon. This allows the eyes to relax and go into panoramic vision, relieving stress and fatigue.

According to Huberman, you should be doing some kind of relaxation of the eyes, face, and jaw for every 30 minutes of focused work—which works out to at least every 90 minutes.

Second, stimulate the eyes by focusing on motion.

Smooth pursuit is our natural ability to track individual objects moving through space. You can train or improve your vision simply by stimulating this mechanism. To do this, Huberman suggests taking a few minutes each day or every three days to visually track a ball. Or, get outside and watch objects move around. Think swooping birds, falling leaves, etc. If you couldn’t tell, Huberman is a big proponent of going outside.

Bottom line: Our eyes are muscles. Just like our biceps, they need stimulation and relaxation, and while we might not be able to get this kind of nourishment from our tiny screens, nature provides.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Mom shares the hard truth about men who want kids versus those who want to be fathers

There's a huge difference between the two.

via Canva/Photos

A lazy dad versus an attentive father.

Many men say they want kids, but does that mean they also want to take on the full responsibilities of being a father? That’s the big question at the crux of a recent viral TikTok post that everyone who wants kids with a man should consider. The question has traditionally been, “Does he want kids?” but Abby Eckel thinks we must dig deeper.

Abby Eckel is a social media influencer and blogger who discusses women’s rights, focusing on equal division of labor in the home. In her video, she breaks down the differences between the 2 types of men. “Men are taught to want kids, but not how to be dads. There are lots of men that want to have kids. There are fewer men that want to be dads, and it's really important, as women, that we discern between the two, because they're not the same,” Eckel says.

What’s the difference between being a dad and being a father?

“A man that wants kids, he's thinking legacy. He's thinking caring on the family name, having little mini-me's running around, having kids running around, the milestones, the highlight reel,” Eckel continues. “Very few men though, when they think about, ‘I want to be a father’, are they thinking about the daily grind task, the midnight feedings, the diaper changes, the to and from of the inevitable sports that they'll play.”

@abbyeckel

I cannot emphasize these differences enough.

Eckels question is fundamental because if someone mistakes a man saying “I want kids” with “I want to be a father,” they may unwittingly sign themselves up as the default parent in a relationship. They will have to assume the mental load of parenting because dad fails to take any initiative. In this arrangement, the dad simply becomes someone who plays with the kids on occasion and has to be told what to do. This places the default parent in a position where it’s nearly impossible not to develop some resentment for their spouse.

On the other hand, a man who wants to be a father will be proactive and an equal partner in parenting duties.



Eckel believes that a big reason why some men fail to step up and become fathers is because they weren’t taught to be nurturing as children. “We bombard boys with messages about being providers, protectors. But when's the last time you actually saw a boy being taught how to nurture? How many young male babysitters do you have on your roster? I don't have any. How many little boys do you see walking around with a baby doll, feeding her, changing her diaper?” she asked.

The post resonated with many of Eckel’s followers, who think there are a lot of men out there who aren’t stepping up and taking responsibility. “Same for being married. Do they just want a wife, or do they want to BE a husband,” Dana wrote. “Being a Father and being a Dad are 2 different things. Your father is the person who helped create you, your dad is the man who helped raise you. They're not always the same person,” Izzie added.

“If you really want to see how a family acts, go to any theme park and watch a family of three or more. You can see just how much the mother goes through in a day with the kids while the father eats snacks,” Athena commented.

Ultimately, Eckel says the difference between a dad and a father is someone who takes initiative. “So, before you have kids with a man, watch how they handle responsibility. Do they take initiative on things, or are they always sitting back waiting for you to tell them what to do? Do they notice what needs to be done without being asked?” she explained.

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Nurse sews thoughtful gifts for grieving moms to take home after delivering angel babies

"You make sure she doesn't go home empty handed."

Photo by freestocks on Unsplash
baby's white and black bassinet

Giving birth is one of the sweetest and most transformational life events. But for mothers who deliver angel babies (those who do not make it through delivery or pass shortly after birth), it becomes utterly devastating. To comfort mothers during this heart aching time, a labor and delivery nurse decided to create a comforting gift for grieving mothers to bring home.

"POV: your patient just gained an angel baby 🪽 and you make sure she doesn't go home empty handed," she writes in the video as she cuts baby blankets into the shape of a heart. "So you get to work. Measure out rice the exact birth weight of her angel. And start to make a casing out of her baby blanket."

@thelabornursern

#grief #loss #fetalloss #pregnancy #labordeliverynurses #laboranddelivery #griefandloss #laboranddeliverynurse #nursing #nursesoftiktok #nursetok #nurselife

The camera pans to three bags of dry rice placed on the baby blanket. From there, she begins to sew the blanket that is filled with rice. "Sutures to sew the fabric," she adds, with footage of herself hand-stitching every seam of the blanket. "It's almost ready 🪽 Then we fill the casing with rice, measured to her baby's birth weight so she will always have this to hold onto."

The video ends with a final look at the filled and finished pillow. "Time to give it to her ❤️🪽" she adds.

And the heartfelt gesture received such a positive response from her followers and mothers of angel babies. "as a momma of an angel baby, you are doing so much more than you can ever think by doing this! bless you ❤️," one wrote. Another added, "As a mama who left the hospital without my baby, thank you THANK YOU. I felt so alone leaving the hospital, held my belly the entire ride home then walked into a home full of baby stuff and no baby."

And another angel baby mom shared, "As a stillbirth mama, leaving the hospital without my baby was torture. Having something weighted to hold would have brought comfort. You're so sweet for making this!!! 💗💗"

The aching experience was described by another angel mom in the comments. "My son was stillborn earlier this year. One thing I could have never anticipated was how much my arms literally ached to hold him. Our bodies do not understand our baby died, and we instinctually need something to hold. This is such a beautiful gift," she commented.

The TikTok community expressed interest in donating sewing machines to help her, so she shared an informative video with her followers on how they can donate to their local hospitals' labor and delivery units.

https://www.tiktok.com/@thelabornursern/photo/7435010215562480938 [THIS IS COMING UP AS AN ERROR WHEN I TRY TO INSERT?]

In another video update, she shared with her followers that she purchased a portable sewing machine to streamline the sewing process of the blankets. "I ordered a portable sewing machine to keep in my locker! And a few of my coworkers want to get together once a month and premake these for our unit."

TikTok · thelabornursern

TikTok · thelabornursernwww.tiktok.com

9732 likes, 57 comments. “Replying to @Rachel Wagner”

She added, "So many of you wanted to jump in and donate, and that is faith in humanity restored. Thank you to each and every one from the bottom of my heart."


@thelabornursern

Replying to @Mykal it was my first time using this, and you were right Mykal it is a little difficult to use. it threw me for a loop so ill be practicing until I can do it blind folded

"Here's an update on the portable sewing machine that I got. It actually is really hard to use...it will definitely take some practice, but I'll get it," she says in the voiceover.

The kind gesture by this labor and delivery nurse made a deep impact, spurring angel baby moms to share their stories and the real impact her empathy has created.

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