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Person who uses a wheelchair shares tips for being less weird around them

"It's wild to me how often people will just roll me out of their way. Please don't do this."

Image by Canva, Screenshot via @AdamHubrig/Twitter

A wheelchair user offered some helpful tips for how to interact with them in daily life.

One of the best things about social media—besides the hilarious cat videos—is how it gives us all an opportunity to learn from one another. The ability to share an experience or a piece of wisdom or advice and have it be carried far and wide can be incredibly useful, especially when it comes from someone whose voice may not be heard as often as it should.

A perfect example is a 2022 thread by Ada Hubrig (@AdamHubrig) on Twitter explaining how and how not to interact with a person in a wheelchair. Hubrig says using a wheelchair has been "life-changing in the best way" for them, but the way they are treated when they are using a wheelchair can be annoying, frustrating, hurtful or just downright weird.

Some people don't have regular interactions with people who use wheelchairs and may have questions about what's appropriate and what's not. Some people might make assumptions about people using wheelchairs or be completely oblivious to how their prejudices are impacting their behavior. Hubrig's thread not only clarified some common issues wheelchair users deal with, but also opened up the conversation for people to ask some of the less obvious questions.

Hubrig opened their thread by explaining that they actually love their wheelchair, as they can't stand or walk for more than 10 minutes without it. However, they loathe how people treat them when they're using it.

Then they shared some tips on how to do better:

"First, remember that wheelchair users are people," they wrote. "We are more similar to you than different, we're just sitting down while you're standing up. You're likely around other people who are sitting as you stand all the time. Don't make it weird."

"Second, remembering that we're people, respect our autonomy," they continued. "If we're speaking and you have a question for me, don't ask my partner who is standing. As an example, medical professionals will often ask my partner my symptoms when I am RIGHT THERE. Please notice us."

The third piece of advice was to never touch a person's wheelchair or other mobility or medical advice unless you have been given permission. Hubrig said that people will often just roll them out of the way.

Yeah, don't do that. You wouldn't pick up a standing person and move them out of the way (hopefully). Same concept.

Hubrig went on to explain that no one is entitled to anyone else's medical history or trauma. "I get that you may mean well, but asking 'what happened' can be more difficult for some people than you realize," they wrote. "It's a lot of emotional labor to answer."

On a related note, don't ask about people's genitals. Ever. Seriously.

A tip for parents: "Please don't let your kids crawl on me or my wheelchair. My wheelchair isn't a toy."

"I like kids mostly, I do," Hubrig wrote. "But even if we weren't in a pandemic, I don't want any stranger up in my personal space like that. Once a kid ripped my ostomy bag off me. No plz."

Also, don't make judgments about a person's need for the wheelchair. "Some wheelchair users, like myself, don't use the wheelchair full time," Hubrig wrote. "I can walk/stand about ten minutes at a time, and use a cane for short distances. If you see a wc user standing/using a cane/whatever, don't assume we're faking. We don't use a wc for fun."

Not being believed can be a major barrier to people with disabilities utilizing the tools they need to live as fully and functionally as possible. "I have talked to many people whose life would be better with a mobility device but they don't use one. Because of how we treat people who use mobility devices."

That is a tragedy.

Finally, Hubrig summed up the basics:

"1.) Wheelchair users/disabled people ARE people. Act as such.

2.) Mind your business."

Seems simple enough, but as we all know, humans have a remarkable ability to not follow simple instructions.

One of the common questions well-meaning people had was whether or not they should offer to help a person in a wheelchair if it appears they are struggling. On the one hand, you don't want to assume someone needs help just because they're in a wheelchair, but on the other, you don't want to leave them struggling if they do need help.

The consensus was that asking if someone needs help is almost always appropriate. Just don't assume they need help and jump in without asking (barring any obvious emergencies, of course).

Another question some had was whether it's appropriate to lean over or kneel down to talk to someone in a wheelchair. On the one hand, it might feel more respectful to put yourself on the same eye level as the person in the chair. On the other hand, you don't want to make them feel like you're infantilizing them. (This question was asked by a person who is hard of hearing, which adds another layer to the question as that's an accommodation that needs to be considered as well. But it was also asked by someone who simply wanted to know which wheelchair users preferred.)

Responses from wheelchair users varied a bit, but most agreed that standing was fine for brief exchanges, but pulling up a chair to talk to them at a similar height was appreciated for long conversations. It can be straining on the neck to look up at someone for long periods.

So much boils down to basic empathy and the Golden Rule. If you were using a wheelchair, what would feel rude or disrespectful or annoying? How would you want people to talk to or interact with you? The truth is any one of us may find ourselves with a disability that necessitates a mobility or medical device at some point in our lives, so the more we normalize accommodations and, you know, basic courtesy and compassion, the better off we'll all be.


This article originally appeared on 2.24.22

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He uses a wheelchair, and so does this TV character. That matters more than you think.

'Julie's Greenroom' is a magical children's show with an inclusive message.

If you had to describe the target audience of Julie Andrews' latest TV show as a single person, it'd probably be someone who looks a lot like Luca, a 2-year-old boy from Virginia.

The show, a Netflix original called "Julie's Greenroom," has everything a curious-minded youngster could want: puppets, laughs, songs, and Mary Poppins herself. It's no wonder that Luca and his mom, Stephanie, have been enjoying the show since its March 17 premiere.

It's an adorable, delightful show about the wonders of the theater.

But there's one character in particular that Luca and Stephanie have have come to love: Hank, a piano-playing prodigy puppet who happens to use a wheelchair.

Image via Netflix.

Like Hank, Luca also uses a wheelchair.

Luca was born with a condition called spina bifida, and while his wheelchair is just a part of his life, it's a part he doesn't often see in TV shows or movies.

"Julie's Greenroom" changed that for him in an important way.

One of the things Stephanie says she appreciated about "Julie's Greenroom" is that the show doesn't immediately call attention to the fact that Hank uses a wheelchair. Instead, the show "showed the character as just another child with the same abilities and interests," Stephanie explains over email as to why she sees the show as a victory for representation. "All too often it is the physical differences that are noticed before any similarities."

Luca plays with his sister. Photo via Stephanie Rasmon, used with permission.

It's important for children to see themselves in the world, and it's just as important for them to be seen by others.

"I want Luca to know there are other people and even children that use wheelchairs," Stephanie writes. "I don't want a stigma to be associated with having a disability. It is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about — it is part of him and what makes our family a whole."

Image via Netflix.

Disabled characters are often severely underrepresented in media, making "Julie's Greenroom" a huge step in the right direction.

A recent study found that only a tiny fraction of all speaking or named characters in TV and movies were shown with a disability. In the real world, nearly 1 in 5 people report having some form of disability. When it comes to inclusivity and representation, the media just isn't being realistic.

It matters that Luca is able to see himself in shows because it turns out that not seeing positive portrayals of others who look or act like you can result in low self-esteem. And it matters that kids without disabilities see others who aren't like them because seeing those unlike yourself is key to building empathy and social skills. In other words, diversity in the media is a win-win situation for all kids.

Luca teams up with a dinosaur for playtime. Photo via Stephanie Rasmon, used with permission.

"I think the more we talk about differences, the more we will be accepting of others and look beyond their equipment," writes Stephanie.

And there's a lot to see "beyond their equipment." You can check out the adorable trailer for "Julie's Greenroom" below and learn more about how you can support children like Luca at the Spina Bifida Association website.

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A mom of a kid with a disability explains a restroom problem you've maybe never heard of.

Accessibility does not always equal accommodation.

There’s a bathroom secret I think you don’t know about.

And no, this one has nothing to do with transgender people or sex or gender. In fact, it couldn’t be less sexy, which is probably why you haven’t heard about it.

Imagine you’re out and about, maybe at a restaurant with your family or a museum with your kids or a movie with your sweetie. But then you need to use the restroom. Now here’s the tricky part: You’re in a wheelchair.

OK, no biggie. The door is mechanized; the stall is large enough; there’s even room to pivot your chair to the sink. Except ... what if you’re one of the wheelchair users who needs to lay down to take care of business? The fact that a wheelchair user can fit into a bathroom stall doesn’t mean a damn thing if that person can’t maneuver themselves onto the toilet.

Accessibility does not always equal accommodation.

There are about 3.3 million wheelchair users in the U.S.

A third of those folks need help with activities of daily living, one of the most crucial being diapering care.Many wheelchair users also need a changing table and, usually, a caregiver or attendant to get the job done. But, generally, public restroom changing tables only accommodate babies.

You might get lucky with a family restroom — those single-room offerings where, say, a dad can take his toddler daughter. Maybe there’ll be a counter long and wide enough. Of course, that doesn’t solve the problem of getting on that counter. Parents with disabled children often contrive some method that involves going back out to the car or van. That’s what I did until my son got too big, and the awkward transfer from wheelchair to makeshift changing area endangered my back. And that doesn’t even touch on privacy issues or dignity or cleanliness.

Me and my son in a restroom with an actual adult-sized changing table. All photos provided by Carla Christensen.

As a last, very last, very loathed resort, I may have to use that handicap access stall in the public restroom. And that means laying my son on the floor and praying I remembered to tuck some extra mats or pads into his wheelchair backpack as well as a vat of antiseptic gel.

Next time you’re in a public restroom, imagine lying on the floor.

Even if it’s just been cleaned. Aside from the questionable hygiene, how undignified would that be? And not even private — most bathroom stalls are open at the bottom.

While you’re at it, picture me trying to transfer my son from his wheelchair to the floor, bending and contorting to get the job done, and then getting him back up into his chair. I’m getting sweaty just writing about it.

I know what you’re thinking: If this is such a problem, how come I’ve never seen anything like it?

Well, I could say something about the American public’s general squeamishness about necessary functions in the necessary room, but I’ll save that for another article. More to the point, the reason you don’t see us is that we don’t go out. A mom from Wisconsin once wrote to a festival organizer about her family’s difficulties, and she gave me permission to share it:

"Unfortunately, what we are now forced into more often due to my son's age is to go home before the end of the movie, the soccer game, the concert. And he is missing out on what his peers take for granted ... . Families like ours ... don't go out!"

The Wisconsin mom and her family.

My husband and I used divide-and-conquer strategies so our daughters got out to the movies, and a generous aunt took them to Disneyland while I stayed home with my son. But take the family out to dinner? No way. Trip to the beach? Forget about it. There are nature trails with handicap access paths and special spaces for wheelchairs at theaters, but that doesn’t matter if you can’t attend to essential bodily functions.

I don’t care what your gender is or what your body is like or if you have a disability: You should be able to use the bathroom wherever you go.

It’s a basic human right.

If you need to accompany your young child or your elderly parent to the restroom. If you’d like a private place to breastfeed. And especially if you have no other choice for dealing with diapering. You deserve to be able to go to the restroom in peace.

That’s why single-stall bathrooms should be available in every store and every restaurant and every office in America. Single-stall bathrooms are a great way to ensure that everyone who needs to use the restroom can. But special-needs users also need special accommodation: an adult-sized changing table.  

This bathroom is inclusive... except for folks with disabilities.

Now, every time I use a public restroom, whether I’m with my son or not, I scope out the facilities. I’m a mom on a mission.

You’d be amazed how often the single-stall restroom, where it exists, doesn’t have a changing table for anyone larger than a toddler. Or how often the space for the baby changing table is large enough for a bigger table. I’m taking names.

And if you want to help out? There’s a grassroots organization called Changing Spaces, dedicated to literally changing the spaces where wheelchair users can be changed. Find them on Facebook. Start noticing the public restroom facilities and send emails to store and building managers.

Help me be the voice for change.

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What it's like to live with a disability, illustrated with comics.

With a social media tagline like "I didn't choose the disabled life ... the disabled life chose me," you know sisters Jessica and Lianna have a great sense of humor.

Jessica, 25, and Lianna, 27, both live with an undiagnosed medical condition, and both use a wheelchair. They noticed there was lack of disability comics and memes online, so they thought: "We like to draw — why not start making some we could actually relate to!"

Eventually, the sisters started The Disabled Life.

They thought it would be a fun way share their disability humor online, and the site immediately took off. Now the comics offer able-bodied people like me a glimpse into Jessica and Lianna's everyday lives (with a little humor and lots of wit), and they give other disabled folks a place to talk about issues they face, too.

Here are 13 of their witty comics about living with a disability IRL:

1. Like when it comes to denim struggles.

All images via The Disabled Life/Tumblr, used with permission.

2. Or dealing with inaccessibility and able-bodied people thinking it’s the most inspiring thing ever.

3. They remember their cousin hopping on the back of their chair to go through a drive-thru.

4. Or how, growing up, everyone was more aware they had a disability than they were.

5. Then there are funny anecdotes, like how they're always "half done, never fully cooked" when tanning.

6. Or trying to tame that mane when it's a bad hair day.

7. Then there's stuff we don't normally think about — like hugs.

8. Or trying to bite into a jawbreaker when you have limited use of your arm.

9. When it comes to personal space, the struggle is real.

10. There's no getting out of doing the "YMCA" just because you're in a wheelchair.

11. And the less-than-gentlemanly behavior they encounter online is the worst.

12. Then there's the ever-important but ever-difficult struggle that is selfie-taking!

13. And feeling like Miley Cyrus swinging on that wrecking ball every time they use a wheelchair lift.

When it comes to The Disabled Life's popularity, Jessica says it's amazing that people find their personal experiences so relatable.

"It's so weird because we actually had no idea this would go anywhere. It just started as something for us, for fun. So it's overwhelming to see all this positive feedback!"

The sisters are also aware other people may not find their material funny. They even have a disclaimer on their website: "To the able-bodied: other people with disabilities may or may not agree with our views. And that's cool! Because us disabled folks are people too, with a wide range of opinions on stuff."

By documenting “the jerks and perks” of living #TheDisabledLife (their hashtag of preference), Jessica and Lianna invite you to ask questions about what living life in a wheelchair is really like.

As Jessica so powerfully puts it: "It's 2016! We're human beings (who happen to sit). It's really not asking much to be treated like other human beings."

Jessica and Lianna are on a mission to make having a disability not so taboo, and these comics are a great way to do just that.

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