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People are sharing their favorite quote from a comedian. Here are 20 of the best.

There are some killer one-liners in here.

best comedians. funniest stand-up comedy, norm macdonald

via Bonnie/Wikimedia Commons, Alan Gastelum/Wikimedia Commons, Underbelly Limited/Wikimedia Commons

Comedians George Carlin, Jim Gaffigan and Joan Rivers

Reddit user cutecutejames posted a great question on the AskReddit subforum: “What is a quote from a comedian you'll never forget?” The post quickly went viral, receiving over 10,700 responses on the first day. Of the countless comedians mentioned in the thread, Norm Macdonald appears to be the most quotable.

Sadly, Macdonald died of cancer in 2021, but he was famous for his outlandish musings, delivered in a dry, deliberate tone. Macdonald is best known as a stand-up comedian, but he was also memorable on television as a cast member on "Saturday Night Live" from 1993 to 1997 and on his sitcom, “The Norm Show.” Two other deceased funnymen were often quoted in the discussion, Mitch Hedberg and George Carlin.

Hedberg’s comedy was based on short, memorable one-liners filled with absurdity. He passed away in 2005 from a drug overdose. George Carlin is often listed among the greatest stand-up comedians of all time and was a voice of the counterculture in the ‘60s and ‘70s. Later in life, his comedy evolved into a nihilistic criticism of American life that, for many, is still relevant today.

“It's called 'the American Dream' 'cause you have to be asleep to believe it,” Carlin said.

Here are 21 of the funniest and most poignant quotes from a comedian shared on the AskReddit forum.

1.

Jabazaba wrote:

"Every time you clog a toilet, you exceeded someone’s expectations." — Unknown

2.

ShofarD**kSwordFight wrote:

"Everybody thinks they're a comedian. Especially in my line of work." — Norm Macdonald

This came from Macdonald's memoir, "Based on a True Story," a must-read for Norm fans. My favorite thing about this line is that it was a sort of random throwaway, almost an afterthought, as he was expressing disdain for a doctor who told a joke and got a big laugh from everyone else in the room.

And that doctor's joke? It was Macdonald's own moth story.

3.

NotoriousREV wrote:

“I’m not an adventurous person. I’ve only ever used one side of a cheese grater.” — James Acaster

4.

TheZMage wrote:

“I’ve started cooking with wine. That sounds so fancy, cooking with wine. What I do is I get drunk and I make rice. I tell my friends ‘come over, I’m cooking with wine.’ They come over, I’m drunk, and there’s rice everywhere.” — Kevin Nealon

5.

Biggoofydoofus wrote:

"What is it like to have four kids? Imagine you are drowning, and then someone hands you a baby." — Jim Gaffigan

6.

Mysterious-Judge-333 wrote:

"I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread." — Mitch Hedberg

7.

SalveBrutus wrote:

“Cocaine is God's way of saying you make too much money." — Robin Williams

8.

NecroeJoe wrote:

"I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'." — Bob Newhart

9.

KingNewbie wrote:

“People say someone lost their battle with cancer. But if someone dies from cancer, the cancer dies too. I’d call that a draw.” — Norm MacDonald

10.

ElvishMystical wrote:

"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States." — Spike Milligan

11.

Active Oppressor wrote:

"When you are on fire, and running down the street, people will get out of your way." — Richard Pryor

12.

Buttflakes27 wrote:

"I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic...in morse code." — Emo Phillips

13.

ZorroMeansFox wrote:

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." — Groucho Marx

14.

Mikethereddit wrote:

"I didn't want to be Drunk in Public. I wanted to be drunk in a bar. They THREW me into public." — Ron White

15.

Heckhammer wrote:

"I know I'm getting older, my last birthday cake looked like a prairie fire!" — Rodney Dangerfield

16.

OneFingerIn wrote:

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." — George Carlin

17.

SoftwareAlert7192 wrote:

"When you got a career there ain't enough time in the world...when you got a job there's too much time." — Chris Rock

18.

Megsy73_Idgaf

"She had enough plastic surgery so that when she crossed her legs, her mouth snapped open." — Joan Rivers

19.

NotaDogIswear wrote:

"Nationalism does nothing but teach you to hate people you never met, and to take pride in accomplishments you had no part in." — Doug Stanhope

20.

Freedomdeliverus wrote:

"The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while.

Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, 'Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?' And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, 'Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.'

And we … kill those people.

'Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real.'

It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok … But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride.

And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.

Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace." — Bill Hicks

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Education

Gen Z is the first generation less cognitively capable than their parents but Denmark has a solution

"Since the late 1800s, every generation has outperformed their parents."

Gen Z; Millennials; technology; cell phones; social media; teens and technology; teens social media

Photo credit: Canva

Gen Z is the first generation less cognitively capable than their parents. Denmark has the solution.

Nearly every parent hopes their child will be better off than they are: smarter, more secure, and more well-adjusted. Many parents see this as a stamp of successful parenting, but something has changed for children growing up today. While younger generations are known for their empathy, their cognitive capabilities seem to be lagging behind those of previous generations for the first time in history.

Dr. Jared Cooney Horvath, a teacher turned cognitive neuroscientist who focuses on human learning, appeared before Congress to discuss concerns about cognitive development in children. In his address to the members of Congress, he says, "A sad fact that our generation has to face is this: our kids are less cognitively capable than we were at their age. Since we've been standardizing and measuring cognitive development since the late 1800s, every generation has outperformed their parents, and that's exactly what we want. We want sharper kids."

kids, intelligence, sharp kids, generations, education, cognitive abilities Student smiling in a classroom, working on a laptop.Photo credit: Canva

Horvath explains that the reason this happens is that each generation has gone to school longer than the previous generation. Gen Z is no exception to the longer duration of time spent in school, but they're the first ones who aren't meeting this normal increase in cognitive development. According to the cognitive neuroscientist, the decline is due to the introduction of screens in the classroom, which started around 2010.

"Across 80 countries, as Jean was just saying, if you look at the data, once countries adopt digital technology widely in schools, performance goes down significantly. To the point where kids who use computers about five hours per day in school for learning purposes will score over two-thirds of a standard deviation less than kids who rarely or never touch tech at school," Horvath reveals.

In most cases, the decline in performance doesn't result in better strategies. The neuroscientist shares that the standardized testing has been adjusted to accommodate lower expectations and shorter attention spans. This is an approach that educators, scientists, and researchers went to Capitol Hill to express wasn't working. But not every country is taking the approach of lowering standards to meet lowered cognitive ability. Denmark went in the opposite direction when it realized their students were slipping behind.

France24 recently interviewed educators in Denmark following their seemingly novel approach to students struggling with cognitive development. Since the beginning of the 2025/2026 school year, Denmark has not only been having students turn in their cellphones, but they've also taken tablets, laptops, and computers out of the classroom. No more digital learning for the majority of the school day. Danes went old school by bringing back physical textbooks, workbooks, and writing assignments. The results have been undeniable. Even the students can't seem to deny the success of the countrywide shift in educational approach.

"I think the biggest issue has been that, because we kind of got rid of the books and started using screens instead, that we've noticed that a lot of the kids have trouble concentrating, so it's pretty easy to swipe with three fingers over to a different screen and have a video game going, for example, in class," Copenhagen English teacher, Islam Dijab tells France24.

Now, instead of computers being part of every lesson, Denmark uses computers very sparingly and with strict supervision. One student says that it has been nice not having screen time at school because she loves to read and write. But it wasn't just the lack of attention span children were developing, they were also developing low self-esteem and poor mental health due to the amount of time spent on devices.

kids, intelligence, sharp kids, generations, education, cognitive abilities Students focused and ready to learn in the classroom.Photo credit: Canva

The data showing the negative impact of screens on teens' brains has prompted a nationwide change in Denmark that extends outside of the classroom. Afterschool activities are eliminating or extremely limiting electronic use. There is also a national No Phone Day that encourages everyone to put away their devices for the day, and Imran Rashid, a physician and digital health expert, is petitioning parliament to ban social media use for children under the age of 15. The no phone movement in Denmark is a nationwide effort that hopes to right the ship before another generation feels the effects.

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Science

Experts share 8 items that should 'never' be refrigerated, and some of them are a bit shocking

"Hot sauce. Having it chilled just seems fundamentally wrong."

food, food storage, refrigerator, peanut butter, fridge

Photo Credit: Canva

A woman is surprised as she peers into a refrigerator. A jar of peanut butter.

Imagine scrolling through Instagram Reels when a meme pops up featuring a cartoon jar of mustard. The caption reads, "Whatever you do, don't refrigerate me!" After getting past the idea that a jar of mustard could communicate, it left a few people wondering, "Does mustard not belong in the fridge?"

Of course, this wouldn't be the first time experts decided where condiments or other food items should go. In an article by Upworthy colleague Jacalyn Wetzel titled "Heinz triggers all of the internet with a single tweet: 'Ketchup. goes. in. the. fridge!!!'" the stance seems pretty clear. She shares photos from an X user showing the back of the bottle, which clearly reads, "Refrigerate after opening." A few users continue to argue, asking questions like, "So why is it on shelves in supermarkets and shops, then?" Heinz actually replied, "Where do you keep your soft drinks, Dave?"

See on Instagram

Now, newer lists have begun circulating that identify certain food items that shouldn't be kept in the fridge. Some of these may come as a surprise, especially to non-chefs or people without food expertise:

TOMATOES

In a Southern Living article titled "12 Foods You Should Never Keep in the Fridge," writer Kaitlyn Yarborough is clear that tomatoes belong on the counter. Yarborough explains, "The cold, humid atmosphere inside the fridge can affect the texture of your tomatoes before you have a chance to use them. Just make sure to keep them out of direct sunlight."

POTATOES

Again, this is largely a texture issue. On KitchenAid's website, they suggest storing potatoes "in a paper bag at room temperature" to avoid making them "gritty and overly sweet due to the moisture."

PEANUT BUTTER

peanut butter, food, food storage, peanuts, refrigeration Peanut butter with a black spoon. Photo by Corleto Peanut butter on Unsplash

In another surprising twist, experts at KitchenAid say peanut butter doesn't need to be refrigerated for up to three months: "Peanut butter maintains its spreadable consistency at room temperature for three months, after which refrigeration is recommended."

AVOCADOS

This only applies to avocados that haven't been sliced yet. If you're ready to use them and don't want to "slow down the ripening process," Yarborough suggests storing them at room temperature: "Once cut open, store any halves in a Ziploc plastic bag or container in the fridge."

PEACHES (AND OTHER STONE FRUITS)

Perhaps more surprising on the list were certain types of fruit that many might have assumed should be refrigerated. Yarborough urges people to leave peaches and other "stone fruits," such as plums and nectarines, at room temperature until they ripen. "You can stick stone fruits in the refrigerator once they're ripe, but keep in mind that the dry air will eventually dehydrate and wrinkle the fruit," she writes.

BANANAS

A quick tutorial on how to store bananas. www.youtube.com, Cooking at Pam's Place

KitchenAid also offers advice on keeping bananas from browning too quickly, even suggesting storage options beyond the counter: "Your best options include an open countertop, a pantry or a dedicated banana hook."

FRENCH FRIES

To mix things up a bit, in a Reddit thread titled "What food item should never be refrigerated?" one foodie offers this advice: "Leftover French fries. It's like a mouthful of abomination no matter what you do to reheat them after their trip to the cold tomb."

HOT SAUCE

This one made quite a few lists, with some pointing out that, by name alone, it seems obvious it shouldn't be cooled. One Reddit user writes, "Hot sauce. Having it chilled just seems fundamentally wrong."

The food experts at KitchenAid agree: "To preserve the rich flavor and intense heat of your hot sauce, it is recommended to store it in the pantry unless otherwise specified on the label."

@firstwefeast
do you refrigerate your hot sauce? #spiceschool @Heatonist - Stay Spicy

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Science

Helicopters dump 6,000 logs into rivers in the Pacific Northwest, fixing a decades-old mistake

Forty years ago, restoration workers thought logs were the problem. They were wrong.

river restoration, washington, river fish, restoration, Yakama Nation, indigenous land, indigenoues tribes, salmon, trout, pacific northwest

Photo credit: Canva

Restoration workers now see how "critical" wood is to the natural habitat.

For decades, river restoration in the Northwestern United States followed a simple rule: if you saw logs in the water, take them out. Clean streams were seen as healthy streams, fast-moving water was seen as optimal, and wood was treated like a "barrier" to natural processes, particularly those of the local fish.

Now, helicopters are flying thousands of tree trunks back into rivers to undo that thinking.

In central Washington, one of the largest river restoration efforts ever attempted in the region is underway. More than 6,000 logs are being placed along roughly 38 kilometers, or 24 miles, of rivers and streams across the Yakama Reservation and surrounding ceded lands.

Nearly 40 years ago, Scott Nicolai was doing the opposite kind of work, all in the name of restoration.

"(Back then) the fish heads — what I call the fisheries folks — we stood on the banks, and we looked at the stream," Nicolai, a Yakama Nation habitat biologist, told Oregon Public Broadcasting. "If we saw a big log jam, we thought, 'Oh, that's a barrier to fish. We want the stream to flow.'"

river restoration, washington, river fish, restoration, Yakama Nation, indigenous land, indigenoues tribes, salmon, trout, pacific northwest Fish find shelter for spawning in the nooks and crannies of wood. Photo credit: Canva

At the time, logs were removed in an effort to simplify the habitat. However, it soon became clear that wood provided vital "complexity," creating sheltered pockets for salmon and bull trout to spawn and supporting algae that feed aquatic insects. Logs also slow water, spread it across floodplains, and allow it to soak into the groundwater. That water is then slowly released back into streams, helping keep them flowing and cooler during hot, dry periods.

The consequences of removing this "critical part of the system" (in addition to overgrazing, railroad construction, and splash dam logging) were made all too clear over the years as the rivers dried up and wildlife populations declined.

"We're trying to learn from our mistakes and find a better way to manage," said Phil Rigdon, director of the Yakama Nation Department of Natural Resources.

That's why Nicolai is now helping lead a project for the Yakama Nation aimed at rebuilding river complexity by returning logs to their rightful place. Many of these streams are now unreachable by road, which is why helicopters are used. Logs are flown from staging areas and carefully placed at precise drop locations marked with pink and blue flagging tape.

river restoration, washington, river fish, restoration, Yakama Nation, indigenous land, indigenoues tribes, salmon, trout, pacific northwest Many of these streams are now unreachable by road, which is why helicopters are used.Photo credit: Canva

The wood comes from forest-thinning projects led by The Nature Conservancy and includes species such as Douglas fir, grand fir, and cedar. Although some of the timber could have been sold, it is instead being used as river infrastructure.

For tribal leaders, the work carries even deeper meaning. During the helicopter flights, they gathered along the Little Naches River for a ceremony and prayer.

river restoration, washington, river fish, restoration, Yakama Nation, indigenous land, indigenoues tribes, salmon, trout, pacific northwest Tribal leaders gathered by the Little Naches River for a ceremony and prayer.Photo credit: Canva

"It was very simple: to bring what was rightfully part of this land back to us," said former tribal chairman Jerry Meninick.

The aftermath of the original restoration project illustrates how human concepts, such as the belief in the superiority of "cleanliness," can be limited and sometimes cause more harm than good. The miracle of nature, however, is that when left to her own devices, she can heal herself.

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Education

Stop forgetting people's names by using the simple 'SUAVE method'

We're all bad with names. Here's the easy way to get better.

names, meeting people, introduction, handshake, hello

via Canva/Photos

A man and a woman shaking hands.

Do you think you're bad at remembering names? If so, you’re not alone. In a 2022 poll, 58% of Americans say they struggle to remember the names of people they’ve recently met at least half of the time. Only 7% said they “never” forget the names of someone they recently met.

In a world where most people are bad at remembering names, those who are good at it are going to make quite the impression at their next neighborhood party or professional networking event.

poll, yougov poll, today poll, american poll, meeting people A poll on how well Americans remember names.via YouGov

How to get better at remembering names

According to Jim Kwik, the key to remembering people’s names is as easy as recalling the acronym SUAVE. Just think of it this way: everyone will think you’re SUAVE if you remember their name smoothly. Kwik is the world's number one brain coach and the author of Limitless: Upgrade your brain, learn anything faster, and unlock your exceptional life. He says the key is to focus on the person you just met. “A lot of people aren't forgetting the name, they're just not paying attention. The art of memory is the art of attention,” Kwik told podcaster Mel Robbins.

He shared the SUAVE method on a recent episode of the Mel Robbins Podcast.

@melrobbins
"When someone introduces themselves to you, do you usually forget their name 5 seconds later? It happens to me ALL the time. But not anymore after sitting down with @Jim Kwik, renowned brain coach, on tonight’s episode of the #melrobbinspodcast 👇 🎧 “Super Brain: 10 Things to Eat, Think, & Do to Improve Your Memory and Learn Faster” 🔗 in bio The #MelRobbinsPodcast is available in 194 countries, wherever you listen to podcasts. Search “mel robbins podcast” on YouTube to find all episodes. #melrobbins #changeyourlife #mindset #createabetterlife #takecontrol #motivation #brainpower #learnfaster #learnmore #improveyourmemory #brainhealth #podcast #podcastepisode"

Say

“Say the name right away when somebody gives you their name, greet them back using their name cause it means you get through it twice.” Kwik sid.

THEM: “Hello, my name is Sheryl.”

YOU: “Nice to meet you, Sheryl.”

Use

“You use the name, but you don't abuse the name,” Kwik continues. There is a fine line between repeating someone’s name so that it sounds natural and using it over and over so that you sound inauthentic and, perhaps, manipulative. Some suggest that in an interaction, such as a sales call, you use their name around three times to strike the right balance.

names, meeting people, introduction, handshake, hello A man and a woman shaking hands.via Canva/Photos

Ask

“This works really well for people who have unusual names or names you haven't heard of before,” Kwik said.

THEM: “Hello, my name is Khadesia.”

YOU: “Beautiful name. Just to get it right, did you say, Khadesia?”

Then, bonus points:

YOU: “Does Khadesia have a special meaning?”

Visualize

“You meet someone for the first time, and their name is Mary. Imagine, for a split second, that she's carrying two lambs under her arms. Mary had a little lamb,” Kwik said.

To further explain the concept:

Lara: Think of Lara Croft, Tomb Raider.

Tom: Think of a turkey, as in Tom Turkey.

Malcolm: Think of the TV show Malcolm in the Middle.

By making an extra connection between the person and another concept that you’re familiar with, it’ll make you more likely to remember the name. Think of it as a mental picture that connects the person and concept.

End

“End the conversation saying goodbye, using their name,” Kwik said.

YOU: "It was a pleasure speaking with you, Lara."

Ultimately, in a world where most people aren’t very good with names, remembering someone's at a party or networking event will make you stand above the crowd. Even more importantly, it shows the other person that you genuinely care, and that’s the best type of first impression you can hope to make on anyone.

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History (Education)

Dry cleaner explains how corduroy is made and it has a surprisingly deep history

Corduroy originated in Ancient Egypt?!?

corduroy, clothing, style, fashion, textiles

Photo credit: Canva

Corduroy has a surprisingly interesting story.

Considering how popular it was in the 1970s, one might assume that corduroy was invented in the mid-20th century. But that's not even close to true. In fact, the roots of corduroy go all the way back to Ancient Egypt, and the fascinating history of the famously ribbed fabric is surprisingly interesting.

Dry cleaner and stain-removal guru Zachary Pozniak shared some fun facts about corduroy in a video that has over a million views. (Who knew corduroy would pique so many people's interests?) What is corduroy? Where, when, and by whom was it created? Where does the word "corduroy" come from?

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Pozniak says that corduroy was popularized in the 18th century, but dates back to Ancient Egyptian times. According to The Rake, the fabric originated in the Ancient Egyptian city of Al-Fustan in the form of fustian, a heavy cloth woven out of linen and cotton. Outer vestments worn by Catholic priests were made of fustian for a time, and Italian and Spanish merchants brought it to Europe in medieval times. While Henry VIII owned many fustian garments, it was worn by working men as well.

That brings us to the 18th century, when modern-day corduroy became what Pozniak calls, "the working man's armor."

"Miners, factory workers, and builders wore it because it was durable, warm, and could really take a beating," Pozniak says. The reason corduroy is so durable is that there are extra sets of fiber woven into the base fabric, forming its signature vertical ridges called wales. "These wales are similar to velvet in that the fibers stick straight up and create that super luscious effect," Pozniask says. No wonder corduroy feels kind of velvety when you run your fingers across it.

corduroy, clothing, style, fashion, textiles Corduroy isn't always brown, but it often is. Photo credit: Canva

As far as where the word "corduroy" comes from, Pozniak says a lot of people think it comes from the French corde du roi, meaning "cloth of kings," but it doesn't. It comes from a combination of "cord" meaning rope, and "duroy," a thick fabric made in England.

Judging by the comments on Pozniak's video, people love their corduroy and appreciate learning more about it:

"I am delighted. I am wearing my corduroy pants right now because it’s a chilly day in December. Thank you so much for celebrating this simple workmen clothing!"

"I love corduroy too. Corduroy trousers feel fantastic, it's weighted and soft. And keep you warm."

"It's one of my faves too! I always viewed it as a type of velvet, because it's called a 'corded velvet' in my language."

corduroy, clothing, style, fashion, textiles Corduroy pants are a classic.Photo credit: Canva

"I love corduroy to add texture and interest to a monochrome outfit. It looks so stylish when mixed with other textures in the same color!

"I love corduroy especially as pants and tote bags, really effortless chic."

"I looooove corduroy and hadn’t been able to find good ones since I was a kid since it went out of the cycle. It’s fun that it’s back in the fashion rotation! And hopefully made well and to last!"

According to Vogue, corduroy made a comeback in the fall of 2025. "Beloved for its heavyweight, durable fabric, the style staple promises to fight the chill on even the coldest of days. And lately, we’ve seen corduroy make the switch from country to cool…" the fashion magazine wrote. The fabric has been seen on celebrities and runways, and Vogue called corduroy pants "the ultimate staple to sport this season."

— (@)

So if you miss the swish-swish of your childhood corduroys, you can relive it in style as a full-fledged grown-up. Glamour Magazine suggests styling corduroy with baggy or preppy outfits, by layering textures, by choosing "rainbow bright" colors, and by wearing corduroy pieces in a set or corduroy pants with a classic striped sweater to keep it modern and chic.

Or, you know, just do your own thing. Corduroy has proven itself a classic, so wear it however it makes you happy.

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