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How do you end a conversation when someone won't stop talking? 17 people share their tricks.

Some people just can’t take a hint.

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A woman who talks far too much.

There are people among us who have no idea that a conversation should be a balanced back-and-forth between two or more people. Instead, they monopolize the conversation, going on and on without letting anyone get a word in edgewise. What’s worse is that they often have no idea how to take a hint and miss all of the verbal and nonverbal clues that they should stop.

These situations can be incredibly frustrating because you don’t want to be rude and tell them to stop, especially if it's a coworker or someone you have to see every day. But, at the same time, they are being incredibly rude by taking up your time and they're being selfish by not allowing you to contribute to the discussion.


A Redditor on the Social Skills subforum was fed up with a coworker who wouldn’t stop talking and asked the posters for some help. “There's this person at work who will corner me in the break room and talk for 20+ minutes about random stuff,” the person wrote. “They're nice enough, but I just want to eat my lunch in peace sometimes. I've tried saying ‘Well, I should get back to work,’ but they just keep talking. What are some polite but firm ways to extract myself from these conversations?”

The posters provided numerous verbal and nonverbal cues to get out of conversations with someone who won’t stop talking. Many also reiterated the point that it’s not rude to get up and walk away from someone who won’t shut up, especially if they were being inconsiderate in the first place.


Here are 17 ways to end a conversation with someone who talks too much

1. Pause, walk away

"At the very first semi-break in the monologue (time their breathing if you have to), you say, 'It sounds like you had a really great time (or other filler appropriate to the discussion). I’d love to talk, but I’m on a tight schedule.' AND WALK AWAY WHILE YOU’RE TALKING. It’s the last part that’s crucial. Those people just will not stop."

"Just this morning I had to basically do that: 'I really must be going' with a smile and wave, standing up and walking away to a woman still talking."

2. Grab their arm

"If they don't stop talking long enough for you to say, 'Great talking with you, I gotta run,' then you put a hand on their arm and SAY IT ANYWAY. I know you say they're 'nice,' but those who take up others' time with excessive talking are not being nice. They may think they're nice, but TIME is your most valuable asset! Also, don't spend a lot of time worrying about appearing rude. (since they obviously aren't worried about that!) They are just looking for an audience, ANY audience. People like this don't take hints, and often don't take direct feedback well. They just keep doing it because it's compulsive."


3. Slap your knee and go

"At conferences and such I say something like 'lovely chatting, you’ve got my phone number let’s stay in touch, I’m going to circulate as there a few more people here I have to talk to before the event is over.' As I’m British, I can also just slap my knees and say 'right' and other people get the message."

Further explanation...

"While sitting down, literally slap your own knees (well, a little above the knees, really) so it makes a bit of a sound. When English or Australians do this, they say, "Right!" and then stand up, and everyone knows it's time to go."

- YouTube youtu.be


4. Walk 'em back

"I used to have an employee who would constantly stop working,(shipping department) wandering away to chat and gossip with everyone. Of course, it was a distraction for everyone. She would show up at my office and walk in already talking. So the minute she showed up I would stand and continue the discussion while walking her straight back to her work station. I would then remind her I have work to do and exit the conversation. I would do this multiple times a day."

5. Understand they are being rude

"The first thing to realize is that the 'monopolizing' offender is being inconsiderate (not caring about you, not thinking about you, not considering your interest level or needs) in the first place. They may be socially oblivious or more likely just so self-centered that they don't think about other people until they are forced to. That means you are perfectly justified if you have to use actions that might normally appear abrupt to protect yourself from them."

6. The 'anyway' get away

A good 'anyway' is a goofy way to break things up and move on. If they don't stop talking, you sometimes need to cut them off and move on. It may be rude, but who's wasting whose time in the situation?"

"Anyway... and get ur ass away from them."


7. Close the door

"I slowly closed the door while they kept talking. It felt like comedy lol. For me, it seemed rude, but I’m not sure that they registered what happened?"

"Don’t open the door. They are still talking."

8. Slow escalation

"These people are used to being told off. You start politely and keep escalating your 'Stop Talking' requests until they do. Each and every time. They’ll get it."

9. How to end a chatty meeting

"So one day we had this meeting with another company and that started happening, and the owner of the other company said 'good meeting!' And wow, the meeting was just over. And I realized even if I wasn’t the leader, I could do the same thing. Basically, anytime I’m in a meeting and it starts running down, I just say 'good meeting!' And the meeting is always over."

10. Try the blunt approach

"You don’t need to worry too much about being rude to them because they don’t get social cues anyway. Just say, 'No time for stories today. I need some downtime by myself.' And walk away even if they’re still talking."

"Exactly. Placating them by dodging the issue just kicks the discomfort down the road. Sure, it's blunt, but there's nothing wrong with coming right out and honestly saying 'Hey, sorry, I just want to have some quiet time.'"


11. Delay the conversation

"I had a similar coworker and honestly felt bad because I knew they were just lonely, but I also really need my lunch break to mentally reset. I just asked 'Can we catch up after work?' Then I’d sit down, pop my headphones in, or start eating. It felt weird at first, but they actually respected it once they realized it wasn’t personal, just me needing some space."

12. Play the opposite card

"'Hey, seems like you decompress by talking, but I decompress by having quiet time to myself. I don't think we're compatible to share break time.'"

13. Don't ask questions

"It is frustrating because you really can’t ask questions to this type of person. Even if you want to know something, the knowledge that their response will include a hundred more details than you needed makes me keep my mouth shut. Where is the self-awareness? Are they so eager to engage with others because they don’t understand why people tend to distance themselves from them, or because they overwhelm those who are too polite and don't know how to escape until it’s too late?"


14. The Uno reverse card

"In Ireland, we say 'well I’ll let you go, sure.'"

15. Set the conversation timer

"Before they start talking or right after, you can say you have only one minute. Around when you think it's been a minute, politely say you have to go or just walk away."

16. Compliment them, set rules

"I've dealt with this by approaching the person when they're not mid monologue, and going: 'Hey there. I really appreciate how friendly and outgoing you are, you're super genuine to talk to (clarifies it's a problem with the convos themselves, not a personal attack). I have some social anxiety, and I've noticed I have a hard time cutting into the convo around extroverts (neutral framing of core issue). I think we could figure out how to end our chats so that you don't feel like I cut you off, and I don't feel more anxious when I have to go ('we' puts y'all both on the same side to problem solve, not competing).'"

17. Act supremely disinterested

"If you're in a situation where you do not want to leave the space (ie, in the break room during a break) and they do this, that can be more difficult. In practice, for a coworker that you have to see every day and don't want to burn bridges with, your options outside of avoiding the space may be limited. you can try subtle techniques - ie, don't make eye contact or look up when they start talking at you, say hi softly/tiredly, keep saying, 'what?' repeatedly as tho you're distracted and not paying attention to what they're saying, check your phone a lot - but, some people are so oblivious/feel so entitled to your attention that it may not work."

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The 3-step Harvard conversation trick that makes shy people more likable

This will ease social anxiety at your next party.

via Pavel Danilyuk/Pexels

Two people having a conversation at a party.

Many people, especially those who are introverted and shy, are uncomfortable making small talk with someone new, whether they’re at a party, work event, or just standing in line at the grocery store. However, a Harvard study revealed a simple 3-step trick to make you more likable and conversations more comfortable.

The researchers found that when approaching someone you have never met, asking a question and then 2 follow-up questions dramatically increases your likeability. The study was conducted by Harvard researchers and published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

“We identify a robust and consistent relationship between question-asking and liking,” the study's authors write. “People who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners.”

How do I make new people like me?

The study should be a big relief to shy people and introverts who are not interested in trying to impress people by going on and on about themselves.

According to the research, when you meet someone new at a party, the important thing is to approach them like it’s an interview, and you are the journalist. You just need one strong opening question and then you can follow up 2 times by asking them to clarify what they meant or expand on something they said.

via Nicole Michalou/Pexels

“Think to yourself, I need to ask at least five questions in this conversation, or I need to ask questions in this conversation, listen to the answers, and ask follow-up questions. It’s easy to do, and — even better — requires almost no preparation,” Alison Wood Brooks, assistant professor and Hellman Faculty Fellow at Harvard Business School and a co-author of the study, said, according to Forbes.

People like those who ask follow-up questions not only because they enjoy talking about themselves. It also shows that their conversation partner is actively listening. They are paying attention, not looking over your shoulder at someone else. “Follow-up questions are an easy and effective way to keep the conversation going and show that the asker has paid attention to what their partner has said,” the researchers write.

The findings counter the strategy many use when meeting someone for the first time, whether on a blind date or at a networking event. For many, the first step is to try and impress the new person, but research shows that’s not the case.

conversation, introverts, harvardTwo people talking at a party.via Antoni Shkraba/Pexels

“The tendency to focus on the self when trying to impress others is misguided,” the study’s authors wrote, adding that “redirecting the topic of conversation to oneself, bragging, boasting or dominating the conversation, tend to decrease liking.”

It’s a pretty simple concept: people like talking about themselves and if you allow them, they’ll like you more. “Compared to those who do not ask many questions, people who do are better liked and learn more information from their conversation partners,” Brooks said. “This strategy does both. It’s an easy-to-deploy strategy anyone can use to not only be perceived as more emotionally intelligent but to actually be more emotionally intelligent as well.”

One of the studies cited by the authors focused on online dating and found that asking follow-up questions meant a greater chance of getting a second date. The researchers found that the top third of question-askers got the most second dates. When researchers looked at face-to-face speed daters, where they met 20 people at a time, they found that asking one more question on each date would help someone succeed in getting a “yes I want to see you again” on one more date.

The 3-question rule has some caveats. You should make sure you're having a conversation, not an interrogation. “Asking a barrage of questions without disclosing information about yourself may come across as guarded, or worse, invasive,” Brooks says.

party, conversastion tips, harvardSome folks having fun at a party.via Pavel Danilyuk/Pexels

How much should I talk in a conversation?

While it’s important to ask questions when you meet someone new, you can’t let them do all the talking. Research shows that the perfect conversation ratio is 43:57. You do 43% of the talking and 57% of the listening. The goal is to make your conversation partner and new friend think, “Wow, that person really gets me” by the time the conversation ends.

The next time you find yourself in a social situation, you can feel a bit more relaxed knowing there is a scientifically proven way to ensure that people will find you likable and a good conversationalist. Remember the three-question rule: Open with a question and then ask 2 follow-ups.


This article originally appeared in September.

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Stanford communications expert says this is the best way to start a conversation

It works for parties, work and relationships.

via Canva/Photos

Two coworkers making small talk.

One thing that makes people anxious when they have to make small talk is that they feel compelled to be interesting and put on a show. They think they have to wow the person they’re talking to with their wit, insights and stories.

However, Matt Abrahams, a Stanford communications expert and host of the "Think Fast, Talk Smart" podcast, says that people shouldn’t feel pressured to be interesting at all.

“A lot of us put tremendous pressure on ourselves to be interesting,” Abrahams told Inc. “We want to say exciting, valuable, relevant stuff, and it’s the wrong mindset. I think many of us see small talk as a tennis match where the goal is to get the ball over the net and score. I think we should see it more like hacky sack. The goal is to serve it to the person so they get and can serve it back to you. Success is when you all work together.”

Simply put, “the goal is to be interested, not interesting,” Abrahams said, paraphrasing matchmaker and author Rachel Greenwald.

“It’s about curiosity,” Abrahams says. “Starting with questions, observing things in context, bringing up relevant information. So, if you’re at a corporate event, you could talk about the keynote speech. If you’re at a cocktail party, you could talk about what’s happening in the room.” Most importantly, he says, “avoid the doom loops of ‘Hi, how are you?’ ‘Fine, how are you?’ And then you’re nowhere better off.”

It all boils down to the idea that people love being heard and asked questions. People often say that when they meet someone who listens well, they are an interesting person. This also points to the fact that we’re so used to the person we’re talking to just waiting for a chance to speak that it is refreshing to be with someone who is all ears.

Patti DeNucci, known as the Intentional Networker, believes that Dale Carnegie coined the phrase in “How to Make Friends and Influence People,” where he shares his axiom: “To be interesting, be interested.” She adds that Carnegie believes that people should be genuinely interested in others but also have a lot of interests.

DeNucci says we should strive for “living a good life,” which includes interests in cultural, academic, and travel pursuits. “After all, when we’re interested in many things, there’s a better chance we will be more equipped to take an interest in what others have to say,” DeNucci says. “And, in turn, we’ll also have something interesting to add to the conversation to keep it going, expanding, deepening.”



Carnegie’s thoughts on the power of listening were proven in a 2016 study that on sales calls, that did an excellent job of quantifying the amount we should speak versus listening during a conversation. A marketing director at Gong.io analyzed 25,537 sales calls and found that the interactions where the salesperson listened 57% of the time and talked 43% of the time had the highest sales yield.

This is known as the 43:57 rule.

Hopefully, these insights will make everyone who feels nervous about going to their next party feel a bit more confident walking into a room, knowing they’ll be a big hit simply by being genuinely interested in people. It also reminds the talkative bunch out there that people will probably like you more if you keep your mouth shut.

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The 'Laurel' or 'Yanny' debate is actually more insightful than you think.

Do you hear "Laurel" or "Yanny"?

That's not a question any of us would have imagined having to answer before. Thanks to a viral tweet, though, a computerized voice that's uttering one name or another is dividing the internet in a way we haven't seen since "The Dress."

Have you tried it yet? Here you go! (This might just rip your entire life apart.) (Sorry.)

What did you hear? If you're like me, you heard "Yanny" all the way.

If you're like my husband and the other half of the internet (including Twitter icon Chrissy Teigen), then you heard "Laurel," and you're not going to let anyone tell you any different.

So what’s really going on here?

No one truly knows. It seems that no one really knows where this audio clip even came from. Could it be aliens communicating from the depth of space? Could it be Russian bots? I can't answer that. But I can provide a few theories that might help explain why people are hearing things differently.

According to The New York Times, which enlisted the help of several experts, it could have a lot to do with which part of the "frequency range" people give attention to. So if someone tends to hear in the higher range of things, then they're going to hear "Yanny" rather than "Laurel."

Check out what happens when you manipulate the bass. Can you hear both words? (Or is this just fueling outrage?)

And that's before you even get into the linguistic explanations or the fact that everyone's brain processes things differently.

We think we all hear the same things, but as University of Chicago psychologist Howard Nusbaum told Gizmodo, "If I cut your ears off and put someone else's on your head, sounds would sound different." (Of course, this is not an invitation to do such an experiment. I will be very mad if my name comes up in legal proceedings.)

What people hear could also have a lot to do with how they perceive the world.

Here's the thing about brains: They're really good at making snap judgments. That's because brains like to organize and categorize. A study of how people perceived "The Dress" (a study on this! what a time to be alive!) found that even when outside factors were manipulated, once people saw the dress as either blue/black or white/gold, that's the only way they would see it — even when the image was placed in different settings.

One thing's for certain: Regardless of what people hear, both "Yanny" and "Laurel" appear to be on the recording. And if someone distinctly hears just one from the start, a sound and audio engineer told Gizmodo, it's possible they'll stick with that word to the exclusion of the other.

What does that mean?

When someone hears something differently from you, do you wonder why they're hearing what you're not or do you immediately assume they're wrong? It's likely the latter. That's because people make such judgments every day. And why shouldn't we? In the best cases — for instance, when someone decides whether it's safe to jay-walk — those judgments keep people safe.

But we often don't go back and correct snap judgments. And because we focus on information that confirms the beliefs we already hold (that's backed up by research too), we never actually have to. That leads to problems like not expanding our worldviews or allowing ourselves to take in new information. In fact, research has found that once we form opinions, it's incredibly difficult for us to change them — even (and especially) after real facts have been presented.

So before you send your friends a text asking which word they hear (and you absolutely must because why should my marriage be the only one to be torn apart?), consider that they're not wrong either way. And, as Gizmodo points out, "If you listen enough, you might begin to hear things the other way too."

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