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The foolproof way to get people to open up without asking them any questions

Strangers may not be open to questions, but you can still get them talking.

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A woman talking with a man at a wedding.

There are times when it may be inappropriate to ask someone a question. In specific social interactions, questions may be welcome, but specific topics may be off-limits. That’s when a communications tool called "elicitation" can become your best friend. It’s a way to make statements that encourage people to discuss sensitive topics or delve deeper into a subject without making them feel like they’re being grilled.

Although you probably won’t be using this tool to interrogate criminals or get secrets out of a CEO or politician, behavior expert Chase Hughes shared how to use the technique in everyday situations. He gives the example of wanting to know how much a woman working at a Whole Foods supermarket makes, without asking her the intrusive question. You start by making a false statement, and then the other person will correct you.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

False statement elicitation

You: Excuse me, can you show me where the baby carrots are?

Employee: Sure, follow me.

You: So, I was reading an article that said Whole Foods employees got a raise to $26 an hour.

Employee: Are you kidding? I only make $18 an hour.

“So now she doesn't feel like she's been pressed or questioned about how much she makes. She's correcting you. So, triggering a need to correct the record is one of the easiest ways to use elicitation, but it's only one,” Hughes notes.


“I’ll bet you think” elicitation

Let’s say you are working in appliance sales and have been trying to sell a man a refrigerator. You’ve been working with him for 30 minutes and want to know if he’s going to buy or not. By using an “I’ll bet” statement, you can get him to admit if he’s interested or not without being pushy. The goal is to voice what they’re thinking, but you don’t need to be correct. The person will either confirm your assumption about their thoughts, add to it, or deny it.

You: I’ll bet you think this Whirlpool refrigerator is a little expensive at $1200?

Them: I’ll say it’s a little pricey, but it’s exactly what we were looking for.

Elicitation works because it bypasses the part of the human psyche that tells them to put up their guard. People also have an incredible need to feel superior and to be correct. So, they will fall over themselves to correct a false statement, as in the Whole Foods example. They will also jump at the chance to tell you whether you’ve successfully gauged their thoughts with the “I’ll bet” technique.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

“I think the number one technique is the human predisposition to correct other people. Because we as humans want to be right, and when we correct other people, that elevates us above the person we're correcting,” Jack Schafer, Ph.D., a psychologist and former FBI special agent, told Robin Dreeke. “So that makes us feel good because we know more than the other person that we're talking to, so that kind of elevates us, and in order to kind of prove that we're more superior, we often give out a lot of information that perhaps we shouldn't.”

Ultimately, elicitation techniques are tools, and they can either be used for good, when you’re out trying to get a deal on a used car, or by con artists for evil. Learning about them gives us a clear advantage as it helps us recognize when we're being manipulated so we don’t take the bait and say something we’ll regret.

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Underpaid teachers reveal they taught while hungry after mom cries over undecorated classroom

"My 1st year I made 27K and my room was empty."

Photo credit: Canva

Teachers reveal they taught hungry after mom cries over empty classroom

It's August, which means a lot of kids have either started school already or are heading back. The back-to-school month also means an influx of parents voicing their grievances on the internet. Everything from not wanting their children to share school supplies to the teacher's wish list items. What is typically an exciting time for children can be a stressful time for parents and teachers for different reasons.

One disappointed mom took to the internet in tears due to the lack of classroom decor in her child's classroom for "meet the teacher." It could be that this is the mom's first time sending a little one off to school, as to the reason she didn't know that there would likely be more decorating happening before the first day of school. Either way, her tearful reaction to the lack of decorations caused a few teachers to reveal the reality they face.

teacher; teacher pay; low pay; teachers; mom cries; undecorated classroom; back to school Overwhelmed with emotion.Photo credit: Canva

Most teachers, especially those of little ones, want to have their classrooms decked out in all the colorful, age-appropriate decor, but in reality, that costs money. Often, money neither teachers nor the school districts have. This is why public school teachers have wish lists that they pass out before the first day of school; some even create Amazon lists so people outside of their district can help. It's a pretty common understanding that teachers don't make a lot of money, but for some parents, just how little teachers make may be overlooked.

A teacher who goes by Mrs. Frazzled on social media recently reacted to the post of the crying mom. In this case, the teacher lived up to her social media moniker because what followed was more PG-13 than her usual content. Someone who goes by the name Kubi responded to Mrs. Frazzled's rant with an eye-opening reality, "My first year as a teacher I made 27K and my room was empty because I could[n't] afford to buy things for it. and I didn't even get my first check until 30 days in so I taught HUNGRY the first month."

teacher; teacher pay; low pay; teachers; mom cries; undecorated classroom; back to school Stressed at the desk, seeking a moment of calm.Photo credit: Canva

The confession prompted Mrs. Frazzled to commiserate with her own, revealing, "I also taught hungry my first year of teaching. That's part of why this whole thing made me so freaking mad. I'll tell you my story as a first-year teacher because it is not a unique story by any means, clearly."

She goes on to share that student teaching isn't paid and comes at the end of teaching certification, which requires soon-to-be-teachers to teach during the day for free, then attend classes at night. This essentially means there's no feasible way for student teachers to make enough money to cover living expenses unless they forego their sleep. Mrs. Frazzled says that in the spring of her student teaching, she had a major life event that resulted in her looking for a new place to live on virtually no income.

@mrs.frazzled Replying to @Kubi ♬ original sound - frazz

"On the heels of this happening, I'm starting my first year as a teacher. And you do not get paid for the first month that you teach, so nine months, no work. Summer, very minimal work. Then you start school, and you need to have a fully furnished and ready classroom, because if you've seen a government-sponsored classroom, you know it is very barren in there."

The woman reveals that she couldn't afford to live in the area where she taught, so her commute was anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half. She also confesses that the only reason she had anything in her classroom was because "parents kinda carried me on my back financially." They purchased the things she needed, including a big, colorful rug that can run well over $500.

teacher; teacher pay; low pay; teachers; mom cries; undecorated classroom; back to school Storytime circle with kids and teachers in the classroom.Photo credit: Canva

"My first month of teaching, I was so stinking poor. I had a mattress on the floor, no refrigerator. I had a couch that I dumpster dove for, and I was driving Postmates after school so that I could get like $12 to buy dinner or whatever. I remember crying because I needed Q-Tips and I couldn't afford Q-Tips. I had to go Postmates for hours to make enough to buy Q-Tips. This is the reality of teaching in the United States," Mrs. Frazzled shares.

It's a reality check that some parents may not be ready to hear when their expectations fall short of the reality teachers are living. Feeling disappointed when something doesn't meet your expectations is understandable, but when it comes to classroom decor and supplies, it takes a village.

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A Palestinian and a Jewish stranger are showing people what a civilized conversation looks like

"I believe and I hope."

Photo by Farrinni on Unsplash

Two hands reach toward one another.

We live in challenging times, made even more divisive by social media rage. This is not to say that the rage is always uncalled for or unneeded, as there are many moments in history where even anger is righteous. But far more powerful in these times are the surprising moments of real connection, communication and understanding, like a recent exchange between a Palestinian and a Jewish stranger that shattered negative stereotypes and expectations.

I, like many, have become addicted to the algorithm, often fueled by propaganda, false narratives, and plain myopic anger. We are all, by nature, tribal ,and so many of our hearts have swelled with fear, sorrow, and an existential angst around the idea that humans simply might not be fixable.

earth, space, humans, water, peace A photo of Earth from space. Photo by NASA on Unsplash

But I've noticed lately that I'm getting a stronger dopamine rush from reading supportive and kind comments as opposed to the hate-fueled ones. I stumbled upon a post on Threads from last year just before the Jewish New Year, (Rosh Hashana) which really struck me. A man wrote:

"As a Palestinian, like many of my Jewish and Arab friends, this year has been a heavy one. Nonetheless, I believe and I hope."

"A Jewish friend once shared a verse (from the Pirkei Avot) with me that I've saved and held on to: 'The world is sustained by three things: by truth, by justice, and by peace.'"

"It has been especially poignant as a mantra all year."

"To my Jewish friends, L'Shanah Tovah. May a new year bring love, light, healing, and a sense of peace grounded in truth and justice for all."

Threads, Jewish, Palestinian, Israeli, peace A person on Threads shares a sentiment. Threads, Mohu

Having read this, I find myself constantly searching for like-minded people of all races, religions, and political affiliations who would also like to find a soft space nestled in this chaos. I scour social media sites and have found that often when you search, you find. It doesn't mean that there aren't literal and metaphorical fires burning all around us. It doesn't mean that we shouldn't stay informed and stand up for what we believe.

But, if just for a day, we could focus on these tiny victories, perhaps it's the smallest step to regaining our humanity. I happened upon a conversation last week (also on Threads) wherein a Palestinian woman made a comment about having pride in her heritage. Many nasty Islamophobic and anti-Semitic bots and trolls came out of the woodwork, but one comment stood out.

The OP wrote:

"All I said in my last post is 'I love being Palestinian' and the comments speak for themselves. We can’t love our heritage? Our culture? That’s too much for you (clown emoji)."

In response, someone wrote back:

"I’m Jewish. We probably disagree on lots, but to hell with those comments. You’re a human being deserving of respect, and to be proud of your culture and heritage."

The OP answered:

"Thank you for being rational. May we find a common middle ground one day."

This is met with:

"Hopefully in our lifetime! Don’t let the uneducated people bring you down."

flower, peace, nature, kindness, earth A purple flower surrounded by green leaves. Photo by Konrad Koller on Unsplash

A Threader pointed out, "This is one of the more mature comments I’ve seen. So much hate on these threads. Thank you for being a human being." The kindness began to multiply, with another person sharing, "That’s so true. I started a dialogue with a Jewish man and I would like to think we both learned a lot. You can’t understand how other people think and behave without respectful debates."

There are many more threads like this out there between people from every side of the proverbial chasm. They don't take away the pain and fear, but they could serve as a step in the right direction.


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Woman gives stray cat the most Gen X name ever, and her friend can't stand it

As if?

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A woman making a "loser" sign and a shocked cat.

There are no hard-set rules for naming a cat, but if you want to follow the current trends, give them a cute-sounding human name. Over the past two years, the top five most popular cat names have been Luna, followed by Charlie, Lucy, Bella, and Leo.

No matter what type of name it is, it can also be hard to settle on one for a new cat because it’s what you’ll be calling out for the next 12-plus years. What if you name the cat Jerry, but it acts like a Sebastian or a Michael? Then what will you do? Two friends got into a spat over naming a cat, with the new owner rejecting their friend’s suggestions in favor of a term popular among Gen Xers in the ‘80s and ‘90s.


“I found a little stray cat in front of the grocery store. Super friendly but skinny and obviously abandoned,” A Redditor with the username SpecialEggSalad wrote. “My friend was with me and kept throwing out names. I didn’t like any of them. It was Ross, Beck, Tucker, Zorro… I asked her to just chill. She was getting worked up and kept asking if she could have the kitten. [It’s] My kitty. Anyway, after 20 minutes of her, just suggesting endless amounts of names…She got mad and said, ‘Fine, call him whatever you want.’ So now the cat's name is WHATEVER.”


When SpecialEggSlad announced the cat’s name, her friend “turned red in the face and she was about to cry.” It could be that the friend hated the feeling of rejection, but if she grew up in the ‘80s or ‘90s, she’d understand that being on the receiving end of a “whatever” was quite the insult.

What did 'whatever' mean to Gen X?

You see, Gen Xers were known for having an aloof attitude because, in those days, caring too much about anything was totally uncool. So whatever was more than a catchphrase was a way of life. The term became popular in the early ‘80s when Valley Girl speak expanded from Los Angeles to the world. But what began as innocuous slang evolved into something more nihilistic. In Nirvana’s breakout 1991 anthem, Smells Like Teen Spirit, where Kurt Cobain ditches any attempt at making a point in the song by singing, “Oh well, whatever, never mind.” Whatever was a way of distancing yourself from the powers-that-be, whether it was political, religious, corporate, or the media.


The term was also part of ‘90s hand-gesture culture, where people would call someone a loser by making an L with their index and middle fingers and placing it on their forehead. In Clueless, the affluent teens used two hands to merge the double Ls into a W, to signal “whatever,” with a double loser casher. Business Insider’s Emily Stewart notes that Gen X’s attitude comes from being raised as the least parented generation in recent memory. “Gen X's ‘whatever’ attitude has translated to a society that's perpetually a little ‘whatever’ about them,” she wrote.


It may be a knock on Gen Xers that they were once so nihilistic that they rallied around the term whatever, but it’s also a sign of knowing what’s important. A lot is going on in the world, and we only have so many Fs to give; it’s best to hand them out to the people who deserve them. Because when you care about everything, it’s hard to truly care about anything.

In the Reddit post, SpecialEggSlad faced criticism from commenters for naming her cat Whatever, which made it look like she didn’t care about the animal. Realizing this, she changed the cat’s name to Peekaboo. Let’s just hope the kitty grows into its name and isn’t a cat that refuses to hide, even if given an incredibly cozy cardboard box.

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Redheads often require extra anesthesia and 9 other cool facts about our 'ginger' friends

They're truly special, genetically speaking.

Photo credit: Canva

Redheads really are unique, and not just in looks.

In case there was any question, redheads are special. That's not just an opinion about people with red hair or their appearance, but a statement of fact based on their scientific uniqueness.

Today, red hair is a fascination and frequently seen as a beautiful feature, but that was not always the case. Historical views of redheads have often been negative, with red hair being seen as indicative of bad character in some ancient cultures or a sign of practicing witchcraft in Christian Europe. Remember Anne of Green Gables being teased by both peers and adults alike for her red hair? Gingers have had a rough go of it in the past, but modern science gives us plenty of reasons to see them as as exceptionally cool for their genetic quirks.

red hair, redheads, gingers, red hair genetics, red hair mutation Redheads make up less than 2% of the population.Photo credit: Canva

Here are 10 things that make redheads truly special:

1. Red hair is the result of a specific genetic mutation

The primary cause of red hair is the mutated MC1R gene, and in order to have red hair, both of your parents have to carry it. The parents don't have to be full gingers themselves, but if both non-redhead parents carry the recessive gene, their child has a 25% chance of surprising the family with red hair. (Around four to five percent of the population carries the mutated gene.)

2. Redheads are much rarer than you might think

Advertisements have disproportionately featured redheads for decades, offering a skewed picture of how common the hair color is. A 2014 study found that 30% of primetime network television ads featured a redhead, which is a vast overrepresentation of a hair color that less than two percent of the population actually has. (Redheads are most commonly found in Scotland and Ireland.)

red hair, redheads, gingers, red hair genetics, red hair mutation Red hair and blue eyes is the least common hair-eye color combination.Photo credit: Canva

3. Redheads with blue eyes are the rarest combination

It's already uncommon to have red hair, but being a blue-eyed ginger is the rarest hair-eye color combination. The chance of having that combo is 0.17%, which is exceptionally rare.

4. Redheads are more likely to be left-handed

Recessive traits tend to come in pairs, making it statistically more likely for redheads to be left-handed, according to limited research.

5. Redheads may require extra anesthesia

There's apparently something about the mutated MC1R gene that makes redheads less reactive to certain kinds of anesthesia. Results of studies have not always been consistent, but there's enough research with similar results for doctors to take red hair into consideration.

red hair, redheads, gingers, red hair genetics, red hair mutation Redheads are often referred to as "gingers." Photo credit: Canva

6. Redheads may be more sensitive to pain

In a painful bit of irony, if a redhead doesn't get enough anesthesia, whatever pain they do feel might be felt more intensely than people without red hair. Some studies have found that gingers are more sensitive to certain kinds of pain. At the same time, some research shows they may have a higher pain tolerance overall, so who knows.

7. Redheads tend to feel hot and cold more intensely

Are we sensing a theme here? Redheads have some sensitivities, including sensitivities to temperature.

red hair, redheads, gingers, red hair genetics, red hair mutation Red hair can look thicker than other hair colors, even though redheads have fewer hair strands than people with other hair colors.Photo credit: Canva

8. Redheads have less hair but it often looks thicker

Redheads have around 90,000 strands of hair on their heads compared to 140,000 for brunettes. However, each strand is thicker than blond or brunette hair, which can make it look like they have more hair.

9. Redheads are more likely to get skin cancer and gynecological cancers

Considering the fact that most redheads have fair skin, the elevated skin cancer risk is not terribly surprising. However, redheads are have a higher than average likelihood of getting cervical, ovarian, and colorectal cancers.

red hair, redheads, gingers, red hair genetics, red hair mutation Redheads can be found in any race. Photo credit: Canva

10. Redheads can be found in any race

Though most commonly found among people of Northern European ancestry, people of any race or ethnicity can have naturally red hair. All it takes are the right recessive genes.

Our ginger friends truly are special in so many ways, and not just because their hair looks gorgeous in the sunlight. Here's to the redheads, in all their mutant genetic glory.

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Neuropsychologist argues why parents are 'shepherds' not 'engineers' in viral 2 minute speech

“This hit harder than any parenting advice I’ve ever heard.”

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Are you an engineer parent or a shepherd parent?

The intention of almost any parent is to do everything in their power to eventually bring a well-rounded, healthy, happy adult into this world. And yet, parents today are uniquely challenged with the anxiety that comes from this false narrative that if you somehow do everything “right,” your child will have all the success in the world.

And if you didn’t do the thing—have the perfect amount of omega-3s during pregnancy, adhere to the most astringent no-screen rules when they’re toddlers, etc.—you take the blame for any shortcomings your child develops.

However, according to one expert, it might be time for parents to reassess how much power they actually do have in the childrearing process.

In 2022, Dr. Russell Barkley, a psychologist who’s done a lot of pioneering work focused on ADHD, had a very tough love speech (one that seems to be going viral yet again) that began with the words, “The problem with parents these days…”


While that might be a little off-putting at first, trust that the overall message is pretty sound. There's nothing overgeneralized or finger-wagging about it, actually. In fact, it’s more of a permission slip for parents to breathe a bit and enjoy the process.

You do not get to design your children.

Nature would never have permitted that to happen. Evolution would not have allowed a generation of a species to be so influenced by the previous generation. It hasn't happened and it doesn't happen and it especially doesn't happen in children.

You do not design your children.

Barkley then gives the example of playing Mozart while pregnant will spawn a “genius,” or that “enough crib toys” will “fire enough synapses” to make a child grow up a “brilliant mathematician." Sure, stimulations matters, but more likely than not, the necessary stimulation is already being provided and no amount of extra effort will take away this truth:

You just don't have that kind of power…it’s out of your hands.

ussell barkley, nature vs nurture, raising kids, kid psychology, psychology, neuroscience Pregnant woman enjoys music (Mozart, perhaps) smiling gently with headphones.Photo credit: Canva

That can be a tough pill to swallow, but Barkley doubled down on his findings from “twenty years of research in neuroimaging, behavior genetics, developmental psychology, neuropsychology, all of which could apparently be boiled down to:

Your child is born with more than 400 psychological traits that will emerge as they mature, and they have nothing to do with you. So the idea that you are going to engineer personalities and IQs and academic achievement skills and all these other things just isn't true."

Still, there is also a beautiful gift in surrendering to this fact, Barkley said, wherein parents get to view their child as less of a “blank slate on which they get to write” and more of a “a genetic mosaic of their extended family.”

And this is where his famous “Shepherd vs. Engineer” analogy comes in.

I like the shepherd view. You are a shepherd. You don't design the sheep. The engineering view makes you responsible for everything--everything that goes right and everything that goes wrong. This is why parents come to us with such guilt. More guilt than we've ever seen in prior generations. Because parents today believe that it's all about them, and what they do, and if they don't get it right, or if their child has a disability, they've done something wrong when in fact the opposite is true. This has nothing to do with your particular brand of parenting.

So I would rather you would stop thinking of yourself as an engineer, and step back and say "I am a shepherd to a unique individual." Shepherds are powerful people. They pick the pastures in which the sheep will graze and develop and grow. They determine whether they're appropriately nourished. They determine whether they're protected from harm. The environment is important but it doesn't design the sheep. No shepherd is going to turn a sheep into a dog. Ain't gonna happen. And yet that is what we see parents trying to do, all the time.

In this speech, Barkley made sure to note the unique, vital role for parents of children with special needs, suggesting that they often feel the pressure to coax them into people that they are not, as a way of protecting them. But, as he said, “No shepherd is gonna turn a sheep into a dog.”

He then brought it all home with what’s to be gained by loosening the grip:

Recognizing that this is a unique individual before you allows you to enjoy the show. So open a bottle of chardonnay, kick off your slippers, sit back, and watch what takes place. Because you don't get to determine this. Enjoy the show. It doesn't last that long--they are gone before you know it.

Let them grow, let them prosper, please design appropriate environments around them, but you don't get to design them.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Obviously, there’s plenty of arguments to be made on either side of the whole nature vs. nurture debate, but the major takeaway seems to be that a parent’s role is equally active—providing structure, stimulation, nurturing, nourishing, etc—as well as passively observing (and accepting) what organically emerges. That latter responsibility might be even harder to fulfill than the former, but it beats stressing out over “engineering” the perfect child.

At its core, Barkley’s shepherd approach seems to be a way for parents to not only offer their kids a bit more grace, but themselves as well. That way everyone can feel safe to be their most authentic selves.

By the way, here is a link to The Blank Slate: The Modern Denial of Human Nature, which Barkley references.

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