Flattery really will get you everywhere.
Imagine it’s WWII. You’re an American fighter pilot (thank you for your service) and a prisoner of war (eek).
Your interrogator walks in, and instantly your mind begins to prepare you for the torture that lies ahead. Will you be kicked, whipped and beaten? Forced to stand for hours on end until you give the enemy crucial intel? The anticipation alone is excruciating.
Suddenly, your interrogator says, “What would you like for lunch?”
This would be your treatment if questioned under Hanns-Joachim Gottlob Scharff, “Master Interrogator” of Germany’s Luftwaffe branch, who’s unconventional techniques surprisingly reveal the power of kindness.Scharff never sought out a military career, but a series of seemingly fated events led him to one nonetheless.
A businessman at the time, Scharff had been vacationing in Germany in 1939 when the war broke out and he was forcibly drafted into the army. His wife would help him avoid fighting on the front lines by vying for him to work as an interpreter.
It wouldn’t be long before Scharff would unintentionally move up the ranks. After two of his superiors died in a plane crash, he landed the position of lead interrogator.
Unlike his peers and predecessors, Scharff was opposed to obtaining information through physical or psychological abuse. Instead, he relied upon friendliness and empathy. He regularly took prisoners out to lunch and on luxurious nature walks, and he even offered them baked goods made by his wife. It was essentially more of a wooing than an interrogation.
In addition to the friendly approach, Scharff would also never press for information and perpetuated an illusion of knowing all the information already (which included acting unsurprised whenever a prisoner might reveal new intel). The last component of his strategy involved casually presenting a claim to see if the prisoner would confirm or deny it, otherwise known as the confirmation/disconfirmation tactic.
All these tricks proved incredibly effective. Not only was Scharrf highly successful at getting information (one prisoner famously remarked that he "could get a confession of infidelity from a nun”) he also managed to save the lives of multiple American pilots in the process. He even remained friends with one after the war.
His methods were so successful that following WWII, he was invited to give lectures in America, and he became a major influence on U.S. interrogation techniques.
One last fun fact: America is where Scharff would end up retiring, where he would take up creating mosaics—a passion he once had as a young boy. If you ever find yourself at Cinderella's Castle in Walt Disney World, you might find one of his works.
Scharff clearly had many talents.
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Not in Florida anytime soon? You can also find some of his work at the California State Capitol building, Los Angeles City Hall, and several American universities like Dixie College in Utah and the University of Southern California campus.
You know what they say—you catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar. Getting the desired result from another person is often more easily achieved by being kind and understanding, both in times of war and in everyday life.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.