upworthy
Add Upworthy to your Google News feed.
Google News Button
Joy

7 things Black people want their well-meaning white friends to know

"You, white friend, need to speak up and say something when I can't."

comic of a Black man holding a sandwich speaking to a white woman

Growing up black in a white neighborhood.

I grew up Black in a very white neighborhood in a very white city in a very white state.

As such, I am a lot of people's only Black friend.

Being the only Black friend is a gift and a curse. I am Black and I love having friends. But I am also, at any given moment, expected to be a translator, an ambassador, a history teacher, and/or a walking, talking invitation into "I am not racist" territory. It's a lot to handle. See what I mean about that curse?

So when I saw the animated short-film "Your Black Friend," I felt so seen. Clearly, I am not alone.

group of teens taking a photo before a dance. all eyes are pixelated except the author's

Don't get me wrong, my friends are awesome, just very white. Here are me and a few of my pixelated pals before a high school dance in the early 2000s.

Photo courtesy of the author.

The film, which was written, designed, and narrated by Ben Passmore and is based on his mini-comic of the same name, is a brilliant, refreshing way to examine whiteness and racism. The comic and animated short are an open-letter from "your Black friend" to you, their well-meaning white friend, about bias, alienation, and what it means to be a good ally and friend.

It's funny, honest, and heartbreaking in equal measure. And speaking from personal experience, it captures the experience of being a Black friend to white people pretty much perfectly.

So if you're a "woke" friend and ally, here are some things your Black friend wants you to know.

1. You're going to have to get uncomfortable.

illustration of a white barista looking uncomfortable in front of a customer

Animation depicting a racist joke that creates an awkward and upsetting space.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

It could be something as obvious and upsetting as a racist joke. Or something as "benign" as your aunt suggesting you cross the street when she sees a group of Black kids walking by. But either way, if you want to be a good friend and a real ally, you're going to have to speak up. You're going to have to have those tough conversations with people you care about.

It's not easy to confront strangers or people you love, but if you don't do it, you are part of the problem. Sitting out isn't an option. No one said being an ally is easy.

2. "Your Black friend would like to say something to the racist lady, but doesn't want to appear to be that 'angry Black man.'"

illustration of Black man walking by police car, littering, and the sirens going off

Biased situations that play out uncomfortably true.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

"He knows this type of person expects that from him, and he will lose before he begins," Passmore says.

Black people can't always react or respond the way we want to. When I am followed in a department store, pulled over for no reason, or stared at while picking up dinner at the fancy grocery store, I can't stop what I'm doing and yell, "YES, I AM BLACK. NO, I AM NOT A CRIMINAL YOU SMALL-MINDED, BIASED ASSHOLES." Trust me, I want to. But especially when police are involved, I have to be calm, respectful, and obedient.

That's where you come in. You, white friend, need to speak up and say something when I can't. If you are not at risk, nor considered a threat, you have a certain amount of privilege in these situations. Use it to demand answers, speak to supervisors, or if things really get dicey, pull out your phone and hit record.

3. We are constantly monitoring our surroundings and adjusting our clothes, hair, speed, and speech to maintain white comfort.

illustration of two Black men talking; one looks anxious and one looks nonplussed

Friends may not realize the challenges in avoiding unwarranted confrontation.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

We don't like it, but one small choice—like deciding whether or not to wear a hood, or the speed at which we reach into our glove box—can be the difference between life and death.

When I am in a parking garage and walking behind a white woman, I intentionally cough or walk a little louder so she turns and notices me.

Why? Because when I don't, that same white woman will often clutch her purse and occasionally let out an audible gasp as I pass her. This is something my white friends likely don't realize I have to do. Some of them may even be the pearl-clutchers in the parking lot.

But to maintain white comfort and to avoid having the cops called on us, we often have to tamp down clothes, modify our speech and volume, even do our hair differently. We have to have "the talk" with our kids about how the world sees them, and how to act in order to make sure they come home alive.

No, it's not fair. No, we don't like it. But so long as this country and its institutions are built on a solid foundation of white supremacy, it's a grim reality. You need to know that, and take it up with your fellow white people about how to dismantle it.

4. "Your Black friend wishes you'd play more than Beyoncé. There are more Black performers than Beyoncé."

comig gif of a Black man looking uncomfortable in the car with a white friend

Taste isn't only derived from race and culture.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

Lemonade was awesome. There is no denying it. And yes, I love seeing her iconic looks on Instagram too. But there is more to Black music and Black art than Beyoncé. Dip a toe outside your comfort zone and try new new artists and genres you may not be familiar with. Go listen, see it, and experience it for yourself.

And while we're here, you can't say the n-word when you sing along. Nope. You just can't.

5. Speaking of which, performative Blackness is really uncomfortable.

comic of a white woman wearing an afro wig to the chagrin of their Black friend

Sometimes jokes and misguided appreciation is hurtful.

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

When you wear that braided wig on Halloween, or use your "blaccent" when you're around me or other Black people, it hurts. It's not cute or charming, and it definitely doesn't make you seem cool.

Our culture and heritage are not costumes you can slide on and off at your convenience. We don't get to be Black only when it suits us. Neither do you.

6. "Your Black friend feels like a man without a country."

illustration of man walking up to a storefront that says "Hot Po-Boys"

Can we enjoy each others company without pointing out our differences?

Silver Sprocket/YouTube

Having white friends and seeming to "fit in" with the majority can feel really alienating. You can feel too "white" for Black people, and too "Black" for white people when all you want to do is find people to eat pizza with. As Passmore wrote, "He is lost in this contradiction, and held responsible for it."

7. We would love it if we could stop talking about our anxiety and frustrations regarding racism. But right now, that's impossible.

Our concerns are urgent and real. We're getting subpar health care. We're disenfranchised. We're over-policed. We're thrown in jail. We're killed by people sworn to protect us. It's exhausting, but we have to keep talking about it. So do you.

We can't be expected to dismantle white supremacy on our own.

Our white friends and allies need to step up and gather their people. Have the tough conversations. Speak up when you see racism, discrimination, and microaggressions. The time to talk about it is done. Be about it, or find yourself a new Black friend.

Watch "Your Black Friend" in full and check out Passmore's book, Your Black Friend And Other Strangers.


This article was written by Erin Canty and originally published on seven years ago.

via Mattew Barra/Pexels
There's one word you can't say on a cruise ship.

There are some things you just don't say. You don't yell out "bomb!" on an airplane, make jokes about carrying weapons while going through security, or, as Michael Scott from The Office knows, loudly proclaim that a boat you're currently on is sinking.

Those are all pretty obvious examples, but sometimes etiquette and decorum are a little more subtle. If you're not experienced in the ways of the venue you're in, you might not know all the unspoken rules. And you might find out the hard way. Cruise ships, for example, have their own very specific set of rules and regulations that guests should abide by.

On December 10, 2023, Royal Caribbean’s Serenade of the Seas set sail on the Ultimate World Cruise—a 274-day global trek that visits 11 world wonders and over 60 countries.


cruise, 9-month cruise, Marc Sebastian, cruise life, vacation, titanic, unspoken rules, etiquette, cruise etiquette, royal caribbean 9 months is a very long time to be aboard a boat, even a giant cruise ship. Photo by Peter Hansen on Unsplash

This incredible trip covered the Americas, Asia Pacific, Middle East, Mediterranean and Europe with a ticket price that ranges from $53,999 to $117,599 per passenger.

With such a unique and incredible offering, it's understandable that Royal Caribbean wanted to invite plenty of influencers to help them get the word out.

Aboard the Serenade to the Seas was popular TikToker Marc Sebastian, who documented his experience throughout the journey. In one video with over 4.3 million views, he revealed what he’s learned over his first few weeks aboard the ship; the biggest was the one word you’re not allowed to say.

"So here's [what] I've learned about cruising since I've spent 18 nights on this floating retirement home with a Cheesecake Factory attached. First, number one, you're not supposed to talk about the Titanic," he says in the clip.

Titanic! It's the ultimate taboo when you're on a giant ship traversing the ocean. Even after all these years, it's still too soon to make even lighthearted comparisons or jokes.

@marcsebastianf

someone get whoopi on the line girl i have some goss for her #ultimateworldcruise #worldcruise #serenadeoftheseas #cruisetok #cruise #9monthcruise #titanic

“Who knew that? I didn’t,” Sebastian said. “I brought it up to an entire room of people having lunch that our ship is only 100 feet longer than the Titanic — when I tell you that utensils dropped. Waiters gasped. It’s dead silent.”

Sebastian was flabbergasted. "It wasn't in the... handbook," he joked. "Not that I read the handbook, clearly."

After the unexpected reaction, his cruise friend told him, “You’re not allowed to talk about the Titanic.” It makes sense.

Who wants to be reminded of the tragedy that killed around 1,500 people while sinking one of the most impressive engineering feats of the era? More experienced cruisers chimed in that they were familiar with the unique piece of etiquette.

cruise, 9-month cruise, Marc Sebastian, cruise life, vacation, titanic, unspoken rules, etiquette, cruise etiquette, royal caribbean Pro tip: Don't ask the band on board to play "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion Giphy

"When I went on a cruise, my mom told me saying Titanic was equivalent to screaming ‘bomb’ at an airport," Mikayla wrote in the comments.

"It’s like saying Macbeth in a theatre, it’s an unspoken rule" another commenter added.

"I’m sorry you’re telling me you had a Harry Potter like experience saying Voldemort at Hogwarts but it was the titanic on a modern day cruise I’m cryingggg" joked another.

Later in the video covering little known cruise facts, Sebastian admits he was surprised to learn that cruise ships have godmothers and that the pools are filled with seawater.

In an update from June of 2024, Sebastian explains that he only stayed on the cruise for 18 nights. He was not booked to stay throughout the entire voyage, and for him, that was a relief.

He initially jokes that he was kicked off the boat for saving a penguin that had jumped aboard. But in the end, he admits he was more than happy to deboard early.

"I walked off that ship not a happy man," he said, saying the ship was overstimulating and stressful. In another video, he films as the ship navigates the Drake Passage, one of the most notoriously dangerous and choppy stretches of water in the world. It looks stressful indeed, to say the least.

Cruising isn't for everyone, let alone for 274 days straight! But now Sebastian knows the golden rule for his next cruise.

This story originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

Cutting pizza with scissors, sending a work email, and cutting your nails.

Everyone has their favorite life hacks, whether it's putting their sponge in the dishwasher, using frozen grapes to chill drinks, or pouring the creamer in your coffee first (so you don’t have to stir). But what about the things people do that are highly effective, that may sound a little weird, so they keep them to themselves?

There have been a lot of posts across social media about life hacks—we’ve done plenty here at Upworthy—so it seems that the only ones we haven’t heard of are those that are off the beaten path. Maybe they're a little strange, so people have kept them to themselves for fear of being called out. Well, now it’s time for them to see the light of day.


A Reddit user named CasualConversation asked people to open up and share their unusual hacks and received over 600 responses. “I want to hear any life hacks that would get you judged by other people or would get you dirty looks, but you swear they work. Any life hack can be included—not topic related, just any form,” they wrote, adding: “I cut pizza with scissors.” This led to a great list of unorthodox hacks that commenters swear by because they “genuinely work.”

Here are 17 ‘weird life hacks that people swear by

1. Don't send emails after 2 pm

"In an office setting, conducting business by work email, often processes come to a head at the end of the day and require input from someone else to move forward. At the end of the day, no one checks email anymore, and they certainly don't ACT on them right away. The next day brings new challenges, and my email goes unanswered for days. After 2pm, I set those emails to send the next day 10 minutes after the start of working hours. People are primed to check off a task someone is presently waiting for, so they nail it because they are just settling in to their desk, and they think I am on the other end waiting for a response."

2. Wipe your bathroom

"Wiping the bathroom down for thirty seconds once a day pretty much keeps it clean, even if you start with an absolutely filthy bathroom. It will slowly get cleaner and cleaner and then stay there, and much more quickly than you would expect."
"I keep Lysol wipes out in the open for this reason. Makes a quick cleaning a breeze."


3. 'Key' to remembering

"If I have to take something to work that won't fit in my purse, I'll put my keys with that item (and yes, even if it's in the fridge, lol). So when I go to leave and look for my keys, I'll remember."

"I do something similar, but I put the item in front of the door, so when I open the door I have to move/pickup the item."

4. Every day can be Christmas

"Do gift shopping year-round. If you see something a friend or relative would like for a gift 6 months before their birthday, get it anyway, put it in a “gift spot” and then you’re ready to go. Prevents both stress and overspending."

5. Post-shower clipping

"I try to always clip my nails right after a shower. They're softer after prolonged water exposure (in line with 'pruny hands'). It makes them cut cleaner and easier (yes, even the big toe), and they don't fly across the room."

"Nice! You made me think of sort of opposite logic: if you wait to pluck hair till your skin is a little greasy, they come out much better—cuz they’re all lubed up."

6. Friday cleaning

"Tidy up your house on Friday after work.. set up your whole weekend for leisure and low stress projects!"

"I use this trick too, but I spread all chores throughout work week, so on Friday night, I only make dinner and relax."


7. Blink to sleep

"Blinking fast for a minute to help fall asleep at night."

"One I use and does help to fall asleep is to completely relax your face. It sounds odd until you do it and realize how unrelaxed your face is."

8. Reverse rewarding

"I always try to reward myself before I start an assignment or something I’m dreading. I think the idea of having to work to earn a reward is dumb, and rewarding myself before hand always lifts my mood which in turn makes me more productive."

"This is something that can definitely work for many people. Having adhd, I tend to reward myself then never do the task lol."

9. Point and say

"Like, I have Invisalign right now (last 2 years), and like they say, the trays are invisible. I can't tell you how many times I've lost those fuckers on the rock countertop! When you're hangry and in the kitchen, you tend to forget where you set your teeth down in a quest for food. I learned to point at them and say out loud to myself where they are. It has worked for my cell phone, garden tools, work gloves, car keys, knitting needles, etc..."

"I do that in the car if I’m running to the store, and just need like 5 items. I say 'I need 5 items from the store: apples, milk, bread, cat food, dish soap,' and I’ll recite it a few times. That way, in the store, if I’m at item #4, I don’t forget I need one more thing."


10. Cut pizza with scissors

"I ate pizza in Berlin last month...and they gave you scissors to cut the pizza. It was awesome. Now I need pizza scissors in my kitchen."

"It’s just so simple and smooth! Pizza cutters will either cut halfway through the dough or you have to go back and forth a few times. Scissors just one neat cut through and you’re good to go!"

11. Beat procrastination

"As a procrastinator, instead of thinking 'I’ll do this task at xx date/time,' I replace it with 'I should finish this task by xx date/time' Because for some odd reason, I’m fueled by the thought of deadlines."

12. Gift notes

"Make a note in your phone with all things your SO would like as a present. Whenever they mention something or just seem to fancy it, add it to the list. When their birthday or Christmas comes you can just look up what you would like to gift them and they will very likely love your present, while you don't have any trouble deciding."


13. Have Chat GPT read it to you

"My job and my degree requires me to read lots of policies, studies and reports which I struggle to because of ADHD. I can read very well but I just can't keep attention. So I copied and uploaded it to ChatGPT, asked it to write a detailed summary highlighting the key points and actions, and then clicked the 'text to speech' button. It means I can get through so many more documents and understand them."

14. Hold the salt

"Asking the fast-food chain to serve you French fries with no salt forces them to make you a fresh batch that are always piping hot and crispy. Salt you can add yourself later, but that means you get the freshest possible fries."

"Also, if you plan to dine in, go through the drive-thru and then park and take your food indoors. Drive-thru is prioritized in speed."

15. Better butter

"I butter things with the back of a spoon. Never use a knife. Ever. It feels like it works better. I don’t use a spoon but we have several plastic spreaders with a broad, oval blade & I always reach for those over a butter knife. The surface area & the curved edges seem to spread it more evenly & efficiently."

16. Ice your rice

"When I reheat rice in the microwave, I put an ice cube on top. It prevents the rice from getting chewy and weird, it makes it fluffy and nice."

"I spray a paper towel with water and put it over whatever I’m heating in the microwave. The steam helps keep things moist and prevents spatters if anything explodes. The ice trick sounds like it would achieve the same moistness aim and be less wasteful. Gonna try this one!"

17. Onion goggles

"Wearing swim goggles while cutting onions."

"That's what I was going to say! I wear lab goggles and they work perfectly."

"I definitely got laughed at by my wife."

All GIFs and images via Exposure Labs.

Photographer James Balog and his crew were hanging out near a glacier when their camera captured something extraordinary. They were in Greenland, gathering footage from the time-lapse they'd positioned all around the Arctic Circle for the last several years.

They were also there to shoot scenes for a documentary. And while they were hoping to capture some cool moments on camera, no one expected a huge chunk of a glacier to snap clean off and slide into the ocean right in front of their eyes.


science, calving, glaciers

A glacier falls into the sea.

assets.rebelmouse.io

ocean swells, sea level, erosion, going green

Massive swells created by large chunks of glacier falling away.

assets.rebelmouse.io

It was the largest such event ever filmed.

For nearly an hour and 15 minutes, Balog and his crew stood by and watched as a piece of ice the size of lower Manhattan — but with ice-equivalent buildings that were two to three times taller than that — simply melted away.

geological catastrophe, earth, glacier melt

A representation demonstrating the massive size of ice that broke off into the sea.

assets.rebelmouse.io

As far as anyone knows, this was an unprecedented geological catastrophe and they caught the entire thing on tape. It won't be the last time something like this happens either.

But once upon a time, Balog was openly skeptical about that "global warming" thing.

Balog had a reputation since the early 1980s as a conservationist and environmental photographer. And for nearly 20 years, he'd scoffed at the climate change heralds shouting, "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!"

"I didn't think that humans were capable of changing the basic physics and chemistry of this entire, huge planet. It didn't seem probable, it didn't seem possible," he explained in the 2012 documentary film "Chasing Ice."

There was too much margin of error in the computer simulations, too many other pressing problems to address about our beautiful planet. As far as he was concerned, these melodramatic doomsayers were distracting from the real issues.

That was then.

Greenland, Antarctica, glacier calving

The glacier ice continues to erode away.

assets.rebelmouse.io

In fact, it wasn't until 2005 that Balog became a believer.

He was sent on a photo expedition of the Arctic by National Geographic, and that first northern trip was more than enough to see the damage for himself.

"It was about actual tangible physical evidence that was preserved in the ice cores of Greenland and Antarctica," he said in a 2012 interview with ThinkProgress. "That was really the smoking gun showing how far outside normal, natural variation the world has become. And that's when I started to really get the message that this was something consequential and serious and needed to be dealt with."

Some of that evidence may have been the fact that more Arctic landmass has melted away in the last 20 years than the previous 10,000 years.

Watch the video of the event of the glacier calving below:

This article originally appeared 10 years ago.

Photo credit: Canva (left), Vintage Japan-esque/Flickr (right)

What makes people look so classy in photos from the past?

Do you ever see photos of people from the past and feel a tinge of regret that we've let clothing styles become so sloppy? Don't get me wrong, I'm an avid fan of my sweatpants and lounge sets, but there was something classy about the way people dressed in the first half of the 20th century, even when they were just hanging around casually. Why was that?

Derek Guy, who has made a name for himself as @dieworkwear, a guru of menswear on social media, has an explanation. While expectations of dress were certainly different in the past, there are other reasons why the way-back-when generation looked so good in their clothing. And it wasn't because people were thinner, Guy says. It actually boiled down to three things: "shape and drape" styles, specialized materials, and a greater tolerance for discomfort.

"Shape and drape" styles provided more structure

"The first point — 'shape and drape' — can be seen everywhere around us, not just in clothing," Guy writes. "Even in architecture, interior design, and furniture, things look more pleasing when they have distinctive and interesting shapes. Even without the presence of a tailored jacket, many outfits in the past looked great because they conferred distinctive shapes — a boxier shirt, fuller pants, short shorts, etc. Certain techniques, such as pleats, gave volume."

"Over the years, men have slowly molted their layers — first by shedding the tailored jacket, then the necktie, and in some cases, even the collared shirt. They have long ditched hats, which conferred another type of shape to an outfit," he writes.

"The rise of slim fit, low rise pants and technical polos that cling to the body means you end up getting an outfit that's barely even there. There's very little texture, detailing, or even a distinctive silhouette. May as well be wearing two smooth pieces of Saran Wrap."

Guy also explained how proportions come into play with how clothing looks. A t-shirt that's too long or pants that are too low distort the way an outfit looks to us.

"The ratio between the upper and lower halves of an outfit will depend on the intended aesthetic (and there are many aesthetics), but the "rule of thirds" is a good starting point," he shares.

Specialized fabrics allowed for better looks with more breathability

The materials our clothing is made from has changed a lot over the past century. The rise of polyesters, acrylics, and other fabrics have altered the fashion landscape more than we might realize.

"When you look at photos of well-dressed men in the past or even today, their trousers often drape well because they are cut from heavier wool fabrics," Guy writes. "Some can still be comfy bc of the open weave."

Natural fabrics like wool tend to drape better, and the nature of wool is such that it can be warming or cooling, depending on how it's woven. We might think a wool suit would be overly hot, but when created in a lighter weight with an open weave, it wouldn't be. As a result, people could layer clothing more readily, which gives outfits more distinctive shapes and textures.

People tolerated not being 100% comfortable 100% of the time

Let's face it. We've all gotten a little soft when it comes to clothing and comfort. Why wear a button-up shirt and pants when you can wear loose yoga pants and a buttery soft t-shirt? Why wear dress shoes when it's become perfectly acceptable to don sneakers with almost any outfit?

We've sacrificed style for comfort, and maybe there's nothing wrong with that. Regardless, "discomfort tolerance" is a legitimate answer to the question of why people dressed better back in the day—they were just accustomed to being a little uncomfortable. Their "loungewear" consisted of leather loafers instead of tennis shoes and wool slacks instead of fleece sweatpants. Now that we're addicted to comfy, it's hard to go back.

Of course, some people still dress a little nicer than the rest of us, and others simply don't care. But if you do want to look a little more put together, these three style principles might just help you get there faster.

You can follow Derek Guy on X and check out his website here for more like this.


Health

Neuroscientists share how to 'revive' memories that you thought you had forgotten forever

A lot of the memories that you thought were gone forever can be retrieved.

A man improving his memory.

When most people forget things that happened in the past or how to tackle specific tasks, they think that the memory is gone forever. They will have to relearn the skill, and once a memory is forgotten, it’s like the event never happened. However, new research shows that when we forget things and can’t recall them, there’s still an opportunity to retrieve the memory. Like finding a lost file in a computer—you have to find the right place to look.

A new study published in Cell found that when your brain updates your memory, it does some strategic formatting where it intentionally forgets some experiences or pieces of information to make room for new information. That’s a tough pill to swallow when you spent all day trying to learn a new program on your computer, only to forget what you did a few days later.

notes, writing notes, headphones, woman on couch, via Canva/Photos

How to recall memories you thought were long gone?

But there’s good news. When we forget things, they aren’t erased from existence. They’ve been put in a dormant state, and they can be retrieved. Let’s say you went on a trip to a lake 11 years ago, but now you can’t remember the seven friends who went with you. You close your eyes and recall everyone on the trip, but you just can’t come up with any names.

By re-experiencing something associated with the memory, such as a photo of the lake or the music you listened to, you can trigger the recall of the forgotten details, empowering you to take control of your memory. It's as if the associated item serves as a key to unlock the door to the information stored in your mind.

Took a trip to the store and you forgot the ingredients that go into your famous chilli? Even if you scan your brain and try to recall the ingredients, you may come up empty. But if you start with the ingredients you know, like the chilli powder, and grab it off the shelf and put it in your shopping cart, the other ingredients may magically come to you.

It's fascinating to think about how many memories we have that are waiting to be rediscovered with the right kind of prompting. It's like a treasure hunt in our own minds!

memory, mental issues, poor memory, notes, post-its, recall A man reading notes on a wall.via Canva/Photos

What is cued recall?

The type of mental activity that helps you recover long-forgotten memories is known in scientific circles as cued recall. Cued recall is significantly more effective than free recall due to the additional support provided by cues, helping activate dormant memory pathways.

The big takeaway from this research is that your brain is an incredibly vast and powerful place that holds so much information, it locks some of it away in a far-off place just in case you need it in the future. The wild thing is that even though it's your brain, you still may need some help from science to learn how to use it. If only the mind came with an owner's manual, we'd be in much better shape.