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Simple '30-second rule' can help you win every conversation, even if you're a little awkward

You only have to remember one thing.

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A man and two women having a fun conversation.

There’s no one alive who doesn’t feel some anxiety about making small talk with other people. The difference is that some confront their fears because they know the incredible benefits that it can mean for their social life, romantic prospects, and careers, while some shy away and miss out on many opportunities.

Many people who avoid small talk believe those who excel at it are naturally charismatic or have been blessed with the “gift of gab.” However, many great conversationalists honed their skills and have a set of rules, techniques, and strategies they use when speaking to people, just like how people who do improvisational comedy or acting have a set of rules to follow to put everyone on the same page. Confident, sociable people may make engaging with others look effortless, but that’s because they have a strategy.

 conversation, fun office, men and woman, funny conversation, jokes, levity A group of coworkers having a laugh.via Canva/Photos

What is the 30-second rule?

New York Times bestselling author and founder of the Maxwell Institute, John C. Maxwell, had a rule whenever he started a conversation: “Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to a person.” This can work in any social or professional situation, for example:

At work:

“Wendy, I heard you did great on yesterday’s conference call.”

“Frank, I hear the clients really love working with you.”

At a party:

“Mohammed, I really loved those pictures you posted on Instagram on your trip to Mexico.”

“Sang, are we going to get some of your incredible barbecue today?”

On a date:

“Thanks for choosing such a great restaurant, it has such a nice ambiance.”

“I really like the way your necklace brings out your eyes.”

 date, conversation, laughs, jokes, salads, dinner, restaurant, cafe A man and woman joking on a date.via Canva/Photos

Whether you are complimenting, relaying positive information about the person, or encouraging them, the key is to pump them up and make them feel good about themselves. The 30-second rule fits nicely into Maxwell’s overall view of relationships: “Those who add to us, draw us to them. Those who subtract, cause us to withdraw,” he said.

The key to giving the other person encouragement is to do so genuinely. If you aren’t genuine with your compliments or words of encouragement, your words can have the opposite effect and make the other person feel like you are being condescending.

How does encouragement make people feel?

 encouragement, poeple in blue shirts, luaghs, my bad, smiles, supportive people A man making a joke with other people in blue shirts.via Canva/Photos

Studies have shown that when people hear words of encouragement, they feel good and have a burst of energy. Psychologist Henry H. Goddard studied tired children and found that they had a burst of energy when he said something encouraging to them. But when he said something negative, they became even more tired.

Ultimately, a direct connection exists between being likeable and being genuinely interested in other people. William King said, “A gossip is one who talks to you about other people. A bore is one who talks to you about himself. And a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.”

Every time you start a new conversation with someone, take the opportunity to share some words of encouragement with the other person, and you’ll be on your way to being seen as a brilliant conversationalist.

This article originally appeared in May.

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Want to sound smart, but you’re out of your league in a conversation? Use the easy YAS method.

"Trying to sound clever is a good way of sounding stupid."

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A woman making a point in a corporate meeting.

There are times when we find ourselves in conversations with people about topics that we know nothing about. Whether it’s the time you have to speak to the engineers at work who are communicating at a level above your head, or when you are talking to the mechanic about a problem in your car and you don’t know your carburetor from your dipstick.

It's understandable, of course. No one can be well-versed in every topic. However, you don’t want to sound like a sixth grader reporting on a book they never read when you’re stuck in these situations either. That’s why we’ve compiled a list of three tricks you can use to sound smart, even in conversations above your head. It’s called the YAS method to make it easier to remember:

Be Yourself

Ask Questions

Say nothing

How to sound smart in conversations that are above your head

laborer, blue collr guy, metal shop, signing, two men talkingA man in a factory giving an invoice.via Canva/Photos

1. Be yourself

At first, this may seem paradoxical, especially when being “yourself” means being someone struggling to make it through a conversation. But it’s important to avoid using a bunch of big words to overcompensate for your lack of knowledge on a topic. That makes you sound like the Wizard of Oz, a man trying to use big words to appear more than he is.

A study on graduate school essays revealed that people judge someone’s intelligence not by their vocabulary but by their ability to convey a point. “Complexity neither disguised the shortcomings of poor essays nor enhanced the appeal of high-quality essays,” the study said. 

It’s also good to avoid using jargon to sound more intelligent. “When time is money, extra words aren’t kind or pleasing — they’re distracting. Nothing shows respect like clarity,” John Bowe, a public speaking expert, told CNBC's Make It. “Don’t beat around the bush. People will appreciate you more when you say what you have to say.”

2. Ask a lot of questions

doctor patient, bedside manner, female patient, diagnosis, healthcareA doctor talking to his patient.via Canva/Photos

If you are stuck in a conversation that’s over your head, you may feel that asking a lot of questions is a dead giveaway that you don’t know what you’re talking about. However, it’s a big signal to the other person that you’re intelligent and confident.

“Asking questions is a crucial component of critical thinking and learning. It shows that you are curious, engaged, and eager to learn more. By asking questions, you are actively seeking out new information and challenging assumptions,” Jackie Keys, business development strategist, writes on LinkedIn. “The smartest person in the room is also someone who is willing to admit when they don't know something. They are comfortable with their own limitations and are not afraid to seek out the expertise of others. This humility and willingness to learn from others is a hallmark of true intelligence.”

3. Say nothing

handshake, math professor, professor and student, classroom, math studentA math student shaking hands with his professor.via Canva/Photos

As the great Taoist philosopher Lao Tzu once said, “Those who know don’t speak and those who speak, don’t know.” If you use the occasional “smart silence” where you pause in the middle of a sentence and people hang on every word, people don’t think that you’re dumb; they believe that you are a deep thinker who is carefully choosing your words, and they will hang on whatever you say.

Experts back up the fact that silent people are more intelligent. “Individuals with high intelligence often exhibit thoughtful and deliberate communication styles. They may speak less frequently but contribute more meaningful and well-considered ideas,” Dr. Abbie Maroño, PhD in Psychology & Human Behaviour Analysis, Lancaster University, said, according to Apple News. “Intelligent individuals may prefer to listen and gather information before speaking, leading to a quieter demeanor.”

Ultimately, appearing smart means knowing there’s no need to overcompensate by trying to wow people with big words or fancy jargon. It means speaking directly, using as few words as possible, asking questions, and keeping your mouth shut whenever possible. If you try these three things, you may not be the most knowledgeable person in the room, but you’re smart enough to know that you don’t know it all, and that’s its kind of genius.

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Mental Health

‘Quiet cracking’: The silent crisis impacting half of all workers

And how to turn everything around.

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What to do when that inner spark inside you feels like it's fading away.

Why do you feel unmotivated? The answer isn't always clear. Could it be your diet, sleep, a lack of time with friends, not drinking enough water, or some mysterious combination? Sometimes, low motivation manifests as mindlessly scrolling on your phone or struggling to focus after lunch. But sometimes, it runs deeper than that. Ask yourself: Have you ever felt your work energy slowly draining, yet couldn't identify why? You're still capable of basic tasks. You show up on time and complete your work adequately—no one else notices anything wrong. But that inner spark that once drove you—the one that used to burn so bright—flickers and dims with each passing day. You start to feel just like this famous GIF from The Simpsons.

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You're not alone. There's a name for what you're experiencing—it's called “quiet cracking”—and according to recent research from TalentLMS, a staggering 54% of employees feel this same squeeze, as if someone is slowly dimming their inner light. Unlike “quiet quitting,” where employees consciously choose to do only what their job requires—nothing more, nothing less—quiet cracking is far more subtle and sneaky. It's not a deliberate choice, but rather a gradual erosion of job satisfaction that happens so silently, you might not even notice the cracks forming. But here's the good news: once you recognize it, you can identify the causes and find the right solution to piece yourself back together. Your unique spark isn't gone forever—it's just waiting to shine again.

 

What is quiet cracking, exactly?

 

Think of a slow leak in a tire. At first, everything seems normal—the tire functions and gets you where you need to go. But gradually, that tiny leak deflates the tire until one day you realize you’ve been driving around all this time with a flat. No wonder it’s been so hard. Quiet cracking works the same way with your workplace satisfaction. Quiet cracking is the leak in the tire that is your workplace satisfaction. Or, as the researchers at TalentLMS put it, quiet cracking is “the erosion of workplace satisfaction from within.”

stress, overwork, quiet cracking, employees, dissatisfactionQuiet cracking and burnout are different. Photo credit: Canva

Unlike burnout or quiet quitting, quiet cracking differs from other workplace issues because its symptoms are hard to spot. It's slow, gradual nature silently chips away at your self-worth and motivation. This erosion of motivation, workplace engagement, and well-being can leave you feeling confused, stuck, unheard, and unsure about your future.

For employers who might dismissively ask “Who cares?”, the answer is clear: quiet cracking has been shown to follow a predictable pattern—disengagement leads to decreased productivity, which ultimately results in resignation. Gallup reports that disengaged employees cost the global economy $8.8 trillion annually (nearly 9% of total GDP) due to workplace unhappiness. What was once an individual concern becomes a significant organizational issue—and failure.


 


7 common causes of quiet cracking

 
     
  1. Lack of recognition and appreciation: Like the clip from The Devil Wears Prada demonstrates, when your contributions consistently go unnoticed, motivation begins to slink away. You might work late on projects and pour your heart into your work, yet receive not even a simple “Thank you.” And while employees aren't seeking constant praise, research shows that those experiencing quiet cracking are 68% less likely to feel valued and recognized at work compared to their peers—meaning they need something.
    2.  
  2. Insufficient training and development: Research shows that employees who haven't received training in the past year are 140% more likely to feel insecure about their jobs. When the company you dedicate 40+ hours to each week shows no interest in your professional development, your motivation begins to wither. Being asked to adapt to new technologies or processes—whether it's learning new task management software or adjusting to increased office time—without proper training is like being thrown into deep water without swimming lessons. Soon, anxiety and confusion spiral, making your entire work life feel overwhelming.
    3.  
  3. Managers who can't connect and poor communication: Nearly half (47%) of employees experiencing quiet cracking report having managers who are unresponsive and inattentive to their concerns. When these employees vulnerably share their struggles or ideas, they're met with managers who are constantly distracted, dismissive, or unreachable. The crack begins to widen into a chasm.
    4.  
  4. Unclear expectations: 15% of employees say they don't clearly understand what's expected of them. In today's rapidly changing, AI-adapted workplace, this confusion only makes things worse.
    5.  
  5. Overwhelming workloads and mounting stress: One of the top three concerns that drive job insecurity is overwork. With 29% of workers reporting unmanageable workloads, it's no wonder that many employees are quietly cracking under the pressure.
    6.  
  6. Career uncertainty: While 82% of employees feel secure in their current positions, only 62% feel confident about their future at their company. This 20-point gap reveals a profound disconnect: employees are questioning, “Where do I fit in the company's future?” When they can't find an answer, quiet cracking sets in—and motivation vanishes.
    7.  
  7. Fear and isolation around change: It's a rapidly changing world. A Pew Research survey found that 52% of workers worry about AI's impact on their jobs, while another 32% fear reduced employment opportunities. When change feels more threatening than exciting—and you're facing it alone—that fear gradually corrodes your confidence.
    8.  

stress, overwork, quiet cracking, employees, dissatisfactionLuckily, quiet cracking is fixable. Photo credit: Canva

 

How to fix quiet cracking

 

The good news? Quiet cracking is preventable—and fixable—with the right mindset and approach from management. First, establish what experts call “psychological safety” at work: an environment where people feel comfortable sharing concerns without fear of judgment. This means ensuring they feel truly heard. When a team member opens up to you, give them your complete attention—yes, it's fine to ignore Slack or Teams for a few minutes, we promise—and listen actively to what they're saying.

Recognition doesn't need to be expensive or elaborate. Adults don't expect you to pin their photo to a wall or offer praise without meaning. A simple “nice work” or “I noticed the extra work you put into that report” can make a significant impact. Make appreciation a daily habit rather than a special occasion. For workplace growth, invest in continuous learning opportunities—even brief 15 to 20-minute sessions—regardless of whether some employees say they “don't need them."


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If you're personally experiencing quiet cracking and aren't sure how to discuss it, schedule a one-on-one meeting with your supervisor to share your feelings. If you don't have that kind of relationship with your supervisor or don't feel comfortable having this conversation, you can share this article or the original TalentLMS study—it explains why employees experience these feelings and offers constructive steps for managers, all while maintaining a blame-free approach.

Because as Nikhil Arora, CEO of Epignosis, the parent company of TalentLMS, reminds,

“Quiet Cracking may not be obvious at first, but over time it can wear down team energy, connection, and trust. But the solution isn’t complicated. When people feel stuck, unheard, or unsure about their future, that’s when disengagement creeps in. Giving employees space to grow—through learning, skilling, and real conversations—is one of the most powerful ways to turn things around. It not only shows people they matter, but helps them rediscover a sense of purpose and forward momentum, something we all seek at work and in life.”

Yes, quiet cracking affects many of us right now—but there's hope. By being more aware and understanding of each other's struggles, we can create workplaces where everyone feels valued and excited to contribute. The power to make positive change is in our hands.

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The 4 unspoken rules of conversation we all follow without thinking about it

They're known Grice's Maxims, and it's obvious when someone violates one of them.

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How do we understand what we mean when we converse?

Talking to one another is one of the most basic things we do, and yet human communication is actually pretty weird when you think about it. We can't speak to everyone because none of us knows every one of the world's thousands of languages. We can say the exact same words but change their meaning simply by changing our tone of voice. Some people are avid, smooth conversationalists, and others are so anxious about social interactions that we need therapy to help us get through them.

Human conversation is complicated, no doubt. But oddly, there are some rules we all adhere to when we talk to one another that most of us aren't even aware of. These rules make conversations make sense and allow us to understand inferred or implied meanings, but we follow them so subconsciously that we probably don't recognize that we're doing it.

conversation, grice's maxims, communication, talking to someone, communicationWe follow Grice's Maxims without realizing it most of the time.Photo credit: Canva

These "rules" are known as Grice's Maxims, named for linguist and philosopher Paul Grice, who detailed these rules. Under the umbrella of the Cooperative Principle—meaning our shared understanding that conversation is meant to be a cooperative endeavor in which we strive to communicate effectively—Grice explained four maxims we all follow:

1. QUANTITY (be informative)

The quantity maxim leads us to be as informative as possible while not giving more detail than is needed.

2. QUALITY (be truthful)

The quality maxim means we tell the truth by default, not providing information that's false or lacking evidence.

3. RELATION (be relevant)

The relation maxim compels us to say things that are pertinent or related to the conversation.

4. MANNER (be clear)

The manner maxim means being brief and orderly in what we say, avoiding obscurity or ambiguity.

Tom Scott explains Grice's Maxims and gives examples of how they help us understand one another.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

For example, we use the term "vegan burgers" but not "vegan tomatoes" because "vegan" is not a necessary descriptor for tomatoes, which everyone knows are always vegan. That's Grice's first maxim of Quantity—give as much information as is required, but no more. Breaking this rule sounds strange.

We can see Grice's Maxims at work in the simple exchange in which one person says, "I'm out of petrol," and the other person says, "There's a garage down the street."

"Without context, just using the super literal, logical meaning of those sentences, there's no connection there," Scott explains. "Those are just two factual statements. But if you assume I'm trying to follow the cooperative principle, then you can automatically work out a lot more."

out of gas, out of petrol, need gas, gasoline, gas canA brief conversation about running out of gas illustrates Grice's Maxims.Photo credit: Canva

For instance, the relation maxim leads us to the conclusion that the garage probably has petrol. The quantity maxim means that "there's a garage down the street" is all you need to say to imply that you can push your car down the street, buy gas, and solve the problem of being on empty (a problem which was also implied in the first sentence, as Scott points out). The quality maxim assumes that both statements are true, and due to the manner maxim, we can assume that "garage" is just a dialectical term for a gas station.

Then Scott explained that the maxims can be violated or flouted. Violating a maxim is basically just lying and trying to deceive, but flouting these maxims can be done to say something without really saying it. He gave the example of a recommendation letter that is too brief and not informative enough, which implies that the person writing it has nothing to really recommend about the person.

What's fun about Grice's Maxims is the comedy that happens when the cooperative principle is not assumed and statements or questions are taken literally. Think of all the literal quips from "Airplane" or "The Naked Gun."

Quote I Am Serious GIF by Top 100 Movie Quotes of All TimeGiphy

People in the comments shared examples of exchanges that are taken literally instead of understanding the implied meaning, and it's hilarious.


"I'm out of petrol"

"That's good, it probably wasn't safe to be in it."


"Would you like something to drink?"

"What are my options?"

"Yes and no."


"Coffee or tea?"

"Coffee"

"Wrong, it's tea."


"I'm seeing stars."

"Did you see a doctor?"

"No, just stars."


"Hello, my name is Kevin without 'M'."

"But there is no 'M' in Kevin."

"That's what I said."


"What is your main flaw?"

"I correctly interpret the semantics of the questions, but I ignore their essence."

"Could you give an example?

"I could."


Some people pointed out that learning about these maxims could help neurodivergent people have easier conversations. Even though Scott says they aren't meant to be prescriptive, "do this" kinds of rules, knowing that they are inherent in social exchanges, is an important piece of the effective communication puzzle.

Isn't being human just fascinating?

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