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Communications expert shares the 5-word phrase to shoot down rude comments

It's like "holding up a mirror" to their behavior.

comebacks, rude comments, insults, woman, time out, stop, insults
via Canva/Photos

Woman making a "time out" sign.

There’s nothing worse than getting caught off-guard by a rude comment, whether it’s someone in line at Starbucks, a coworker saying something passive-aggressive, or a family member taking a shot at you for being single. Once the insult hits, you get flooded with negative emotions, and your brain goes into overdrive. Should I say something back? What did they really mean? You think to yourself. That’s why it’s great to have a response in your back pocket, so that you don’t say the wrong thing in haste, making the interaction even worse.

How to respond to a rude comment

John Bowe, a speech trainer, award-winning journalist, and author of “I Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in an Age of Disconnection,” recently shared the perfect five-word phrase to keep handy next time someone makes a rude comment to you: “Do you really mean that?”

“Say it with outrage or dripping sarcasm, with raised eyebrows or deadpan calm. It doesn’t matter. This phrase is quietly disarming and deceptively powerful,” Bowe writes for CNBC. Bowe says the response does two great things for you. First, it gives them a chance to reconsider their words because most rude comments are said without thinking. “By responding with curiosity instead of defensiveness, you’re holding up a mirror. Often, that’s all it takes for the other person to walk back their offense,” he writes.

comebacks, rude comments, insults, woman, stop, insults, gaspA woman gasping.via Canva/Photos

Secondly, it shifts the power dynamic. “You’re not on your heels anymore — you’re in control. And instead of lashing out or escalating, you’re putting the responsibility back where it belongs: with the person who made the rude comment,” he writes.

When you respond by asking them to clarify their comments, you put them in a position where they are almost forced to backpedal or apologize. At least, you’ve neutralized the situation unless the other person rants to escalate.

How to respond to a rude comment at work

Amy Gallo, at the Harvard Business Review, offers additional comebacks with similar meanings she suggests people can use at work. Gallo is a workplace expert who writes and speaks about effective communication, interpersonal dynamics, gender, difficult conversations, and feedback.“You might even ask the person to simply repeat what they said, which may prompt them to think through what they meant and how their words might sound to others,” she writes.

insults, coworkers, work, men in business suits, reports, rudeA man criticizing another man's work.via Canva/Photos

Here are Gallo’s suggested comebacks:

“What was your intention when you said…?”

“What specifically did you mean by that? I’m not sure I understood.”

“Could you say more about what you mean by that?”

“Did I hear you correctly? I think you said…”

The great thing about these responses is that they allow you to take the high ground without having to resort to lowering yourself to their comment. The reactions are confident and will enable you to expose the other person by simply asking them to clarify their comment. It’s like a judo master using his opponent's force and weight against them to gain leverage. It’s the type of assertive response that would definitely make most people think twice about insulting you again.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

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Walking Alongside Martu: A journey with one of the world’s oldest living cultures

Pura’s inaugural impact collection honors both sacred traditions and sustainable futures.

James Roh
True

In a world driven by speed, efficiency, and immediate results, it’s easy to forget that lasting change is built on trust. Real impact doesn’t come from rushing toward an end goal or measuring success through lofty metrics. It comes from falling in love with the problem, building a community around it, and sharing a vision for lasting transformation.

Pura, the smart home fragrance company that marries premium fragrance with innovative technology, recently launched its inaugural impact collection with K Farmer Dutjahn Foundation (KFDF) and Dutjahn Sandalwood Oils (DSO). The Pura x Dutjahn partnership began with a clear purpose: to source a sacred ingredient directly from its origin while honoring the land and the people who’ve cared for it. Our goal wasn’t simply to find sandalwood — it was to find a community and an ingredient that embody exceptional land stewardship, ethical harvesting, and transformative, community-led impact. After careful research and over three years of development, we saw an opportunity to secure a premium, luxurious ingredient while supporting a regenerative supply chain that invests in Indigenous-led education, economic opportunity, and land stewardship.

James Roh

Over the past several years, we’ve walked alongside Martu, an Indigenous tribe from the vast Western Australian desert. Martu are one of the oldest living cultures in the world, with a history spanning 60,000 years. As nomadic hunter-gatherers, they have unparalleled ecological knowledge, passed down through generations, making them the traditional custodians of the land. Their approach to sandalwood harvesting isn’t driven by market demand but by a deep respect for seasonal rhythms, land health, and cultural law. Their work adapts to the environment—whether it’s “sorry time,” when mourning pauses activities, or the harsh desert conditions that make travel and communication difficult. Martu operate on Martu time, a deliberate rhythm shaped by millennia of experience, far removed from the rapid-swipe, hyper-productive pace of Western systems.

Martu’s ecological knowledge isn’t documented in baseline reports. It’s lived, carried in stories, and practiced with rigor and respect for the changing needs of the ecosystems. True partnership means unlearning the typical approach. It means standing beside—not in front—and recognizing that the wisdom and leadership we need already exist within these communities. Our role isn’t to define the work, but to support it, protect it, and learn from it.

James Roh

Tonight, as I spoke with Chairman Clinton Farmer and the KFDF team about our focus for this piece, I learned that Clinton’s truck had broken down (again), leaving him to “limp” back to town from the desert at low speeds for hours and hours. He had been awake since 3:00 a.m. This is a common and costly setback, one that disrupts the harvest, demands days of driving, and brings real financial and emotional strain. These barriers are relentless and persistent, part of the harsh reality Clinton and his community face daily. It's easy for outsiders, detached from the reality on the ground, to impose rules, regulations, and demands from afar. Rather than continuing to impose, we need to truly partner with communities — equipping them with the resources to operate sustainably, avoid burnout, and protect the very land they love and care for. All while they endeavor to share these incredible, sacred ingredients with the world and build an economic engine for their people.

There is much to learn, but we are here to listen, adapt, and stay the course. The future we need will not be built in quarterly cycles. It will be built in trust, over time, together.

To learn more about the partnership and fragrances, visit Pura x Dutjahn.

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Woman lives on a cruise ship for free, but says there are 4 things she's not allowed to do

Still…a pretty charmed life.

Upworthy has covered a few stories about people who decided to live permanently on cruise ships because it's cheaper than living on land or in a nursing home. These stories have connected with millions because they say a lot about the modern cost of living but are also aspirational.

Christine Kesteloo has become popular on TikTok with over 680,000 followers because she shares what living on a cruise ship is really like. Kesteloo is the wife of the ship’s Staff Chief Engineer, so she gets to live on the boat for free. She only has to pay for alcohol and soda, which she gets for half off according to Business Insider.

“I live on a cruise ship for half the year with my husband, and it's often as glamorous as it sounds,” she told Insider. “After all, I don't cook, clean, make my bed, do laundry or pay for food.“

Kesteloo’s life seems pretty stress-free. After all, she's basically on a permanent vacation. However, even though she lives on a cruise ship as a “wife on board,” there are a few things she either can’t or shouldn’t do.

She shared these four things in a TikTok video with nearly 10 million views.

@dutchworld_americangirl I go through four things I can, and cannot do it while living on the cruise ship with my husband #weliveonacruiseship #4things #alaskacruise #cruiseship #cruiseshiplife #cruise #alaska #caribbeancruise #cruiselife #livingstsea #getreadywithme ♬ Chill in a good mood, calm and fun(1263486) - zukisuzuki


1. Gambling

living on a cruise ship, cruise ship living, residential cruise ship, best cruise, married to a cruise workermedia0.giphy.com

Kesteloo says she cannot sit at a slot machine and “play my heart out until I win.” She believes it would “look a little weird if I, as the wife of the staff chief engineer, won a big jackpot.”

2. Leaving the ship with the guests

living on a cruise ship, cruise ship living, residential cruise ship, best cruise, married to a cruise workermedia0.giphy.com

When the ship arrives at a destination, she can't get off with the guests. She must wait about an hour and exit the vessel with the crew. When returning to the ship, she also has to be on time. “No, they will not wait for us,” she says. And the same goes for her husband, if they “miss the ship, someone else will take over the role.”

3. Sitting in a crowded pool

living on a cruise ship, cruise ship living, residential cruise ship, best cruise, married to a cruise workermedia1.giphy.com

Although Kesteloo has access to the pool, gym, and all the ship’s amenities, she’s cautious not to interfere with the guests' good time. She’ll exit the pool if it’s busy because “it’s just the right thing to do.”

4. Traveling without international traveler insurance

living on a cruise ship, cruise ship living, residential cruise ship, best cruise, married to a cruise workermedia1.giphy.com

She must have insurance in case of a misfortune on the ship. But as a citizen of the Netherlands, they already have coverage and just have to pay a few extra dollars a month.

Though folks generally welcomed Kesteloo's advice, some of the most popular commenters on the video were from women regretting that they married men who aren’t chief engineers on cruise ships or those who want to know where to find a single one.

"OK, can you explain how to marry a cruise ship engineer?" one female commentator wrote.

"How. in. the. H E double hockey sticks do I become the wife of a cruise ship engineer???? I don’t have to work AND cruise for free!" another added.

"Does he have any single friends with same job??? Asking for me," one more asked.

For even more tips on living this charmed life, follow Kesteloo on TikTok. Who knows, by now she might evne have some advice for landing your own cruise ship engineer spouse.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Mom gives 3 big reasons why Millennial parents think Boomer grandparents are the worst

"Honestly Boomers are so agitated with the grandkids."

Image via Canva

Millennial mom shares why Boomer grandparents are the worst with grandkids.

Every generation has taken a different approach to parenting. From Gen X to Boomers to Millennials, each generation has brought up their kids different than the generation before. And for Millennial parents with Boomer grandparents, some have a bone to pick.

TikTokker Phyllis (@motherphyllis) pointed out three of the biggest reasons why she thinks Millennial parents (like herself) think that Boomer grandparents are *the worst* when it comes to helping take care of their grandchildren. The first reason she is calling out Boomer grandparents is because in her experience, they don't really want to help out if needed, and throw a "you need to raise your own kids" argument if asked for help.

"I’m not raising your kids. They’re your kids take care of them yourself even though trust us we don’t want you raising our kids. No thanks 🤣," she captioned the post.

@motherphyllis

I’m not raising your kids. They’re your kids take care of them yourself even though trust us we don’t want you raising our kids. No thanks 🤣 #fyp #fypシ #grandparents #millennial #boomer #mom #sahm #fypage #honest #truth #foryoupage #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp

In the video, she says, "Because y'all couldn't wait to have grandbabies. You were so excited about it. And then when they get here, you *maybe* stop up at the hospital, *maybe* stop over to the house. You stay for 45 minutes, snap a picture, upload it to Facebook and then you gotta get home to the dogs. And then you might not see the baby again until their first birthday."

She goes on to add that Boomer grandparents also like to add in that they are "not raising your kids. 'They're your kids. I raised my kids. Sorry but I'm not doing that'," she says, adding that when Boomer grandparents are asked to do a small favor like watch their grandkids for a doctor's appointment, they use that argument. "Us Millennials are like, 'Wait! We weren't asking you to raise them. We were asking you to keep them for maybe like, an hour or two."

Her second reason why she thinks Boomer grandparents are the worst is that they are irritated/agitated easily with grandkids. "Honestly boomers are so agitated with the grandkids. My grandma would never 🤣😩," she captioned the video.

@motherphyllis

Honestly boomers are so agitated with the grandkids. My grandma would never 🤣😩 #fyp #fypシ #foryoupage #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp #mom #millennial #momlife #boomer #generations

She goes on to explain that Boomer grandparents do "weird sh*t", like "they won't see the kids for a year, maybe because they're long distance, and they come around and are instantly irritated with the kids. They can't even stand it," she says. "It's like, 'Quit talking! Quit jumping! Quit doing that!' It's like, what are they doing? They're just eating Goldfish. 'The crunching is giving me a headache, it's just annoying.'"

Then she gives another scenario, with Boomer grandparents who live 45 minutes away who "act like it's a total inconvenience to see the kids like, I don't know, once a month or once a week even...Boomers be so irritated with the grandkids these days."

@motherphyllis

Just calling to chat about myself… #fyp #fypシ #foryoupage #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp #sahm #mom #millennial #boomer #generations #funny #honest #truth

Finally, she shares that the third reason she thinks Boomer grandparents are the worst is because when they call to check in, they only want to chat about themselves. "Just calling to chat about myself…," she captioned the post.

"You think they're calling to see how you're doing or how the kids are doing or something of that matter besides themselves, but nope...they're just calling to talk about themselves," she says. "They want to talk about the new beach house, they want to tell you about how they're furnishing it. They might start the conversation with, 'How's everyone doing?', and then when you start to explain how everyone's doing they're like, 'Okay well that's enough! I didn't want the whole story. I was just calling to talk about myself.'"

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Mom gives a tour of her typical 'middle-class home' and it's exactly what people needed

"There is just so much pressure on social media to be perfect."

@steph_murphy/TikTok

Stephanie Murphy shares her "average" home in viral TikTok video.

Sure, it’s lovely to see pristine, perfectly curated homes that look like they belong in Architectural Digest. A little inspo never hurt anyone. But as we all know, the spotless life is simply not an achievable reality, especially for those with busy lives and limited budgets (read: most of us).

But you know what? Maybe even the messy homes deserve some love. The ones with constant junk piles, unfinished projects, dirty dishes, and misplaced toys. The homes that will never grace the cover of a magazine but still do a wonderful job of containing all the moments life has to offer—the big, small, extraordinary, mundane, and everywhere in between. 'Cause at the end of the day, isn’t that a home’s true purpose anyway?


@stephsharesitall

Lets normalize “average” because there is nothing wrong with it. Everywhere you look on social media you see big gorgeous houses in perfect condition and its hard not to compare yours to them. But its not the norm and half the time its staged. Our house is lived in, and its filled with love and tons of memories and at the end of the day thats all that matters.

Stephanie Murphy, a mom and TikTok creator, seems to think so. Murphy recently took viewers on an “average house tour,” and it was the exact opposite of aspirational. Highlighted in Murphy’s tour are the pantry door that’s remained unpainted for three years, blinds held together with binder clips, air conditioners held in place by duct tape, a full dish rack tray that’s “a permanent fixture” on their countertops, and not one but two junk drawers (honestly, that’s a little low by my count). You’ll also notice a fridge that is covered in her kid’s artwork and school pictures. Not in any cohesive way, but merely thrown on randomly, as nature intended.

Meanwhile, in the master bedroom, Murphy and her husband’s bed have two separate blankets because neither of them like to share. A genius idea, and just another example of how we really, really don’t need to continue with marital sleeping norms that don’t actually feel comfortable.

As for why Murphy decided to showcase her “average, middle-class house,” it’s all in the caption of her video: “Let’s normalize ‘average’ because there is nothing wrong with it. Everywhere you look on social media, you see big gorgeous houses in perfect condition and it’s hard not to compare yours to them. But it’s not the norm and half the time it's staged. Our house is lived in, and it’s filled with love and tons of memories and at the end of the day that's all that matters."

She further explained her reasoning to Good Morning America. "I feel like social media is full of one perfectly curated video after another, and there is just so much pressure from social media to be perfect in all aspects -- to have perfect skin, perfect makeup, perfect outfit, perfect house. And the reality is no one's perfect," Murphy said.

"Honestly, I feel like there's a very good chance that all those videos that we see were staged and they probably like, moved a pile of toys behind the camera to film and then moved it back when they were done. But that's the part that people on social media just aren't sharing. They don't show you the behind-the-scenes and that is what I was looking to change," she continued.


Judging from the comments sections of this now-viral post, it seems like other people are ready for more average content.

“This is awesome! I’m constantly feeling inadequate when people have a perfect house that looks like nobody lives there!” one person wrote. “I feel seen,” added another.

Hear, hear. No need to feel inadequate about having a home that’s lived in. Imperfection has its own kind of beauty.

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Mom comes up with the perfect way to describe baby kicks, and minds are blown

Now everyone is trying it.

Photo credit: Canva

A pregnant woman feeling her baby kick (left) an astonished woman (right)

What exactly does it feel like to have a baby kicking inside of you? For those of us that have never been pregnant, and wish to remain childless, this will remain somewhat of a mystery forever. Even those who have been pregnant and felt their bab kick might have a hard time quantifying the sensation.

And yet, thanks to a now-viral video posted by self proclaimed ”boy mamma with good ideas” Kat (@__mmkayy), we have an analogy that depicts this phenomenon perfectly. Or at least, millions of viewers seem to agree that’s the case, anyway.

In the clip, Kat explained how she had been asked by a coworker “What does it feel like when the baby moves?” When an answer didn’t come straight away, the mom-to-be became determined to come up with something that fully encapsulated the experience.


@__mmkayy How to explain how it feels when a baby moves inside when pregnant! #howdoesitfeelwhenthebabymoves #babymovinginbelly #explained #babymovement #pregnant ♬ original sound - kat


Then, she found it. A clear, precise, incredibly specific, tangible answer.

“It’s like when you put your hand on your cheek and move your tongue,” especially if you do a “soft but firm, slow kind of movement” with said tongue. Badda bing, badda boom.

It’s easy to see how almost anyone could immediately understand what Kat means on a visceral level, which makes it such an appropo description.

Down in the comments, people’s minds were a little blown…if not nostalgic.

“Everybody rn 😮”

“You need to get paid for this info somehow because it's absolutely correct.”

“This makes me want to be pregnant again. I’m suing you.”

“Shakespeare could never do this.”

baby kicking, pregnancy, moms, motherhood, moms of tiktok, first trimester, babies, being pregnantmedia2.giphy.com

“YOU CRACKED THE CODE!!”

“Ma’am you deserve a 🏅best description I ever heard.”

And of course, many folks joked about how they would be trying out her little analogy themselves.

“The way you’ve got a few hundred thousand people pressing their hands on their faces and wiggling their tongues against it. You hold a lot of power ma’am.”

“Me having two children, also checking out how it feels per your instructions.”

The first sign of baby kicks, aka “the quickening,” begin between weeks 16 and 25 of pregnancy, and start off very subtle, but tend to become stronger and more noticeable. And while the experience is generally a neutral, if not pleasant one, they can sometimes be painful for the pregnant woman, especially as the baby grows and has less room to move during later trimesters. In these instances, the kicks can feel like sharp or dull pain, or even numbness, and are often felt when the baby's limbs press against the ribs or abdomen.

But, for the most part, baby kicks are just one of those cool “my body is a freaking miracle of nature, look what it can do” moments for moms. Hard to quantify, but amazing to experience.

baby kicking, pregnancy, moms, motherhood, moms of tiktok, first trimester, babies, being pregnantmedia2.giphy.com

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Seal's 'incredibly precise' sense of rhythm is more accurate than 99 percent of humans

Ronan the seal is changing how people think about animals and music.

Photo by Colleen Reichmuth; NMFS 23554

Study co-authors Andrew Rouse, Peter Cook, and Carson Hood with Ronan.

It has long been thought that human beings were the only animals with actual musical ability, at least the type that we can comprehend. However, a groovy sea lion at the University of California, Santa Cruz, is challenging the notion that the ability to keep time is purely a human skill. Moreover, he’s proving that sea lions may be even better at it.

Ronan, a 15-year-old sea lion who was rescued when she was three, lives at the Long Marine Laboratory at UC Santa Cruz. She first caught the public’s attention in 2012 when she showed the ability to keep good time by bobbing her head to a beat. She’s making headlines again because she’s made drastic improvements. “Ronan didn't use to be as precise and consistent as she is now.” Professor Peter Cook, lead author of the study and a comparative neuroscientist at New College of Florida, told BBC Science Focus.


In a recently published research paper, Cook and his team set out to see whether Ronan’s time-keeping ability was comparable to that of the average human adult. The team had 10 students rhythmically move their arms to a beat and compared this with Rnan’s performance at three tempos.

sea lions, ronan, uc santa cruz, music studies, marine mammals, California sea lion Ronan at UC Santa Cruz’s Long Marine Laboratory.Photo by Colleen Reichmuth; NOAA/NMFS 23554

The results found that Ronan outperformed the students in accuracy and consistency, landing in the 99th percentile of a model simulating 10,000 humans.

“She is incredibly precise, with variability of only about a tenth of an eyeblink from cycle to cycle,” Cook said in a press release. “Sometimes, she might hit the beat five milliseconds early, sometimes she might hit it 10 milliseconds late. But she's basically hitting the rhythmic bullseye over and over and over again.”

Ronan’s performance is impressive, but some critics argue that she has been rigorously trained to perform the task, making the results misleading. “She definitely wasn’t overtrained,” Cook said. “Realistically, if you added up the amount of rhythmic exposure Ronan has had since she’s been with us, it is probably dwarfed by what a typical 1-year-old kid has heard.”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

One of the key takeaways from the study was that, when it comes to maintaining rhythm, especially among sea lions, experience plays a significant role. Which is good news for most humans, if you have difficulty dancing or clapping on beat, a bit of practice can be a tremendous help. “One of the most important outcomes of the study is the fact that maturation and experience matter,” UC Santa Cruz research scientist and adjunct professor Colleen Reichmuth said. “It's not just a test of rhythmic performance. It reflects her cognitive behavior and her ability to remember and refine it over time.”

So, if Ronan has the ability, with some practice, to keep rhythm, why is it that dogs can’t dance? “If you're going to say dogs can't dance, you have to empirically assess that—really give the dog many opportunities to receive very precise feedback on rhythmic movement and see how they do,” Cook said. “I would be very surprised if you couldn't get a border collie to do something like what Ronan does if you spend enough time on it.”

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