Family
If You've Ever Worried About Not Being Pretty, This Song Is For You
Moles. Scars. Bumps. Wrinkles. Cottage-cheesy thighs. All of it. We should love all of it.Warning for some strong language and references to self-harm.
09.29.14
“Do I have to change my name if I get married? Call me Shredder.”
Raising kids is tough, but there's a lot of laughs along the way. Comedy writer James Breakwell has four daughters under the age of eight and shares their hilarious conversations on Twitter. And, from Breakwell's tweets, it looks like his five year old has a future in comedy. Here's a sampling of some Breakwell's funniest kid-inspired tweets.
Me: What did you do at school today?\n\n5-year-old: Learned about dragons.\n\nMe: Your class learned about dragons?\n\n5: I learned about dragons. I don't know what everybody else was doing.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1524164098
5-year-old: *stares off into space*\n\nMe: What's wrong?\n\n5: What happens if a kangaroo jumps on a trampoline?\n\nMe: *stares off into space, too*— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1512655067
5-year-old daughter: Why does Mom wear makeup?\n\nMe: To look pretty.\n\n5: But she's already pretty.\n\nMe: Aww.\n\n5: Dad, you should wear makeup.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1434719335
3-year-old: Do boys like Frozen?\n\n5-year-old: Nobody cares what boys like.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522195727
5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars\n\nMe: That\u2019d wreck the economy\n\n5: I just-\n\nMe: Go to your room until you understand inflation— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1441628973
5-year-old daughter: I think a boy likes me. He drew me a dinosaur.\n\nMe: That could mean anything.\n\n5: The dinosaur had a hat.\n\nOh shit.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1435237545
[watching a guy on TV do CPR]\n\n5-year-old daughter: Why is he kissing her?\n\nMe: He's not. He's saving her life.\n\n5: I'd rather die.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1458752016
Me: Who ate all the cookies?\n\n5-year-old: Ninjas.\n\nMe: I didn\u2019t see them.\n\n5-year-old: No one ever does.\n\nCheckmate.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1433627847
5 y.o.: Why do people congratulate you when Mom is the one making the baby?\n\nMe: I helped\n\n5: How?\n\nMe:\n\n5:\n\nMe: I read her the instructions— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1446746149
Me: You can't like Kylo Ren. He killed his dad.\n\n5-year-old: Maybe he deserved it.\n\nI'm never sleeping again.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1460388284
Me: What happened on the coffee table?\n\n5-year-old daughter: Elsa killed all the stormtroopers.pic.twitter.com/36hCfd1z5s— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1432591871
5-year-old: I'm writing a book.\n\nMe: What's it called?\n\n5: I Ate Too Many Cupcakes.\n\nMe: Oh.\n\n5: It's just pretend because you can never eat too many cupcakes.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523975066
5-year-old: *eats a cupcake for breakfast*\n\nMe: Cupcakes aren't a breakfast food.\n\n5: I know. They're an all-day food.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523364754
Me: It snowed last night.\n\n5-year-old: *flops on the floor* We already did winter.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523279528
Me: You're still in your pajamas.\n\n5-year-old: I'll get dressed soon.\n\nMe: It's 4 in the afternoon.\n\n5: Don't rush me.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1523131531
[spring break]\n\n5-year-old: When do we have to go back to school?\n\nMe: Monday.\n\n5: *slides me a penny* When now?— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522870699
Me: Wake up. Time to get dressed.\n\n5-year-old: Not again.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522158012
5-year-old: *won't get out of bed*\n\nMe: I don't want to fight you every morning.\n\n5: Then let me win.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522847748
Me: Why are you being mean?\n\n5-year-old: I ran out of nice.\n\nIt's going to be a long night.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522786515
[lightning strike super close to our house]\n\n5-year-old: Missed me.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522762976
5-year-old: Can we have pizza?\n\nMe: We just had pizza yesterday.\n\n5: The pizza doesn't know that.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522096312
Me: Hurry.\n\n5-year-old: I am.\n\nMe: You're still in bed.\n\n5: I'm sleeping faster.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1521811809
5-year-old: Leprechauns are fairies.\n\nMe: They are?\n\n5: I thought you went to college.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1521326336
5-year-old: Do I have to change my name if I get married?\n\nMe: Only if you want to.\n\n5: Call me Shredder.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1521585950
His 5-year-old isn't the only (often unintentionally) hilarious child in the house; the 7-year-old and 3-year-old turn up from time to time. There's also a 2-year-old, but she hasn't been the subject of many tweets yet.
Me: *gets burned by bacon grease* Ow!\n\n7-year-old: Love hurts.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1512230800
Me: What are you doing?\n\n7-year-old: Counting the presents under the tree.\n\nMe: There aren't any presents under the tree.\n\n7: I know.\n\nPassive aggressive level 9000.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1511896968
3-year-old: *holds up a baby doll* What's her name?\n\nMe: She doesn't have one. You can name her.\n\n3: *kissing baby* I love you, Stupid Face.\n\nShe'll make a great mother.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1511877311
7-year-old: I'm glad I'm not a boy.\n\nMe: Why?\n\n7: I like being smart.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1512136729
3-year-old: Mommy married you.\n\nMe: Yeah.\n\n3: Why?\n\nWife: Nobody knows.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522527335
2-year-old: *touches my beard* It's soft like a kitty.\n\nMe: You mean rugged and manly.\n\n2: Purrrr.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1493775467
4-year-old: What happens when you die?\n\nMe: You go to heaven.\n\n4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff?— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1412245842
4-year-old: Why do you go to work?\n\nMe: They pay me a salary.\n\n4-year-old:\n\nMe:\n\n4-year-old: I don\u2019t even like celery.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1425155143
3-year-old daughter: Will I have a baby in my belly someday?\n\nMe: If you want to.\n\n3: No thanks. That's where I put my candy.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1459859421
7-year-old: Why do we have to dress up?\n\nMe: It's Easter.\n\n7: Jesus just wore robes.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522592817
Me: Do you know why they call it Good Friday?\n\n7-year-old: There's no school.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522427812
7-year-old: Why does my teacher keep testing what I know?\n\nMe: What should she do?\n\n7: Trust me.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522246883
7-year-old: You should let me eat more candy.\n\nMe: Why?\n\n7: Then you won't eat it.\n\nShe's my new diet plan.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn) 1522092561
This article originally appeared four years ago.
A quick trip to the vet confirmed the cats' and family's suspicions.
It's not a secret that nearly all golden retrievers are identical. Honestly, magic has to be involved for owners to know which one belongs to them when more than one golden retriever is around. Seriously, how do they all seem have the same face? It's like someone fell asleep on the copy machine when they were being created.
Outside of collars, harnesses and bandanas, immediately identifying the dog that belongs to you has to be a secret skill because at first glance, their personalities are also super similar. That's why it's not surprising when one family dropped off their sweet golden pooch at daycare and to be groomed, they didn't notice the daycare sent out the wrong dog.
See, not even their human parents can tell them apart because when the swapped dog got home, nothing seemed odd to the owners at first. She was freshly groomed so any small differences were quickly brushed off. But this accidental doppelgänger wasn't fooling her feline siblings.
Once the dog was in their house, they noticed that their cats started behaving strangely towards their canine sibling. The cats started attacking the dog, likely trying to get it to tell them what they did with their real dog sister. Cat slaps and a house full of strange people didn't dampen the imposter's spirit though, in fact, that's what helped reveal the switcharoo.
This dog kept handing out face kisses and had no interest in seeing her favorite neighbor. After putting all of those things together, the owners decided to hightail it to the vet's office to scan the dog's microchip. Alas, they indeed had the wrong dog.
"We just never even thought that that would happen, and of course we thought we would know right? Like we're her parents, we would know something was wrong, we would know right off the bat that it wasn't Emmy," Kebby Kelley told Fox 9 Minneapolis-St. Paul.
Seems both golden retrievers got to go on a really strange adventure that deserves a lifetime of delicious dog treats for the confusion.
See both sweet pups below:
This article originally appeared two years ago.
More of this, please.
One of the hardest parts of being a parent is never being sure whether you're doing a good job or totally bombing it. If you're conscientious enough to even wonder if you're a good parent, you probably are, but parenting entails a million little choices and interactions, and there's always a lingering voice in your head saying, "What if you're really screwing this whole thing up?"
Reassurance and encouragement are always appreciated by parents, but not always received, which is why a note from one camping dad to another has people celebrating the kindness of anonymous strangers.
Someone on Yosemite Reddit thread shared a photo of a handwritten note with the caption, "To the man who left this thoughtful note on my windshield at Lower Pines Campground this weekend, I extend my heartfelt gratitude; your acknowledgment of my efforts to be a good father means a great deal to me."
The note reads:
"Bro,
I camped in the spot behind you last night. Let me just say, you are killing it as a dad. First off, I watched your wife guide you in as you backed up your trailer and nailed it on the first try without any yelling. Then your kids unloaded from the truck and were mild-mannered and well behaved. You told stories around the campfire and I had the pleasure of listening to the sounds of giggles and laughter.
From one dad to another, you are killing it. Keep it up.
P.S. Whatever you cooked for dinner smelled delicious!"
How often do we share these thoughts with strangers, even if we have them? And who wouldn't love to get a surprise bit of praise with specific examples of things we did right?
So many people found the note to be a breath of fresh air and a good reminder to compliment people when we feel the urge:
"That would make any daddy's eyes water."
"It’s always nice, as a guy, to get a compliment."
"I complimented a guy's glasses at work (I'm also a guy, and btw they were really cool glasses, I wasn't just being nice) and now he keeps trying to tell me where he got his glasses and how I should get some. But I'm just having to be polite because I already have glasses and I'm not in the market. I finally had to tell him I'm not going to buy them lmao I just like them on him.
Made me feel like that's the first compliment he's had in years because he can't stop talking about it. Also I mainly liked the glasses because I think he's cute but he really thinks it's just the glasses haha jokes on him that cute bastard."
"I was in the store with my wife and one of our 'adopted nephews' yesterday (we’re close friends with his parents and we’ve known him and his brother since they were newborns and 2yo, respectively). A woman came up to me at checkout while my wife was running out to the car and said 'I’m not sure what your family relationship is here, but I just have to tell you how nice and refreshing it is to hear all the laughter and joy from the 3 of you. You both seem like such a good influence on him and it warms my heart.' It’s such a small thing but as a dude, I can’t remember the last time someone gave me a compliment in public and it made my freaking day."
"10/10 letter. The and not yelling part gave me a good chuckle lol."
"We need so much more of men getting such heartfelt and sincere compliments. Thanks for sharing. ❤️"
"I’ve never considered leaving a note, but when I see a harmonious family with good parenting, it’s healing for me. My childhood was awful."
"Such an awesome compliment! Even though I don't have children myself, I like to remind my friends too that they're doing great & it brings them happy tears."
"This made me cry. I love that you are getting your 'flowers.' My dad sucked, I’m so glad you are one of the good ones."
"This made me cry too. It’s so hard to be a human. Let alone a parent. Getting a good job sticker every now and then really means a lot these days."
"I'm a big bearded guy and I would cry if I got this note. More people like this, please."
The best part of this story is that no one knows who the dad who wrote the note is, not even the dad who shared it. It wasn't written for clout or notoriety, it wasn't to get attention or make himself look good. No name or signature, just an anonymous act of kindness to uplift a stranger whether he needed it or not.
We all need to hear or read kind things said about us, and sometimes it means even more coming from an anonymous stranger who has nothing to gain by sharing. A good reminder to share it when you feel it—you never know how many people you may move and inspire.
This article originally appeared last year.
His simple message is an example for all parents.
A dad is sharing his first encounter with a transgender woman in his small Texas town, and the simple lesson he taught his son is inspiring hope in others. James Eric Barlow (oddragon226 on TikTok) shared a video from his car describing how he and his son saw a trans woman in real life for the first time. "
We all know that there's people that are disgusted whenever they see a trans person," Barlow begins. "And we all know of the people who don't care if they see a trans person. "But apparently, we're a third type of person (or at least I am, I can't speak for him)," he says, indicating his son in the backseat who chimes in with "I am, too!"
Barlow then goes on to explain how they had just had their first experience with a trans woman. It wasn't anything major—she just walked through a door behind them and Barlow held the door for her, just as he would any other person. He didn't even notice she was trans at first, but once he did, his immediate reaction was one we can all learn from.
"When I tell you how happy it made me," he says, beginning to tear up, "to be able to see somebody be out and open to the world here in small town Texas. You just gotta know how much bravery that takes. Right, Mikey?"
"Hell yeah!" the son agrees.
Barlow wanted to say something to her, but he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, either.
"But if you're a trans woman and you came here to the Landmark truck stop in Clyde, Texas, just know we're proud of you," he concludes.
@oddragon226 our first trans woman experience #trans #transwoman #transpeoplearepeople #transrights #translivesnatter
Barlow's video was shared on Reddit, where it's received 37,000 upvotes and a slew of comments that prove parents set the tone for their kids' sense of acceptance.
"Indoctrinate your children with kindness, compassion, consideration and respect for others." - Toddthmpsn
"When I was younger I would get my hair cut by a woman named Liz. She spoke Spanish so it was hard for to understand her English sometimes. My dad spoke Spanish so would translate for her and me. I noticed Liz looked a little different then other women. But I never said anything, I never felt any differently about her. She never scared me, or made me question anything. She was just Liz. As I got older I realized she was a trans woman. And it literally changed nothing. She was still just Liz. Liz was always kind and treated everyone warmly. I havnt seen her in years but I hope she is doing well. I really liked her." - PerplexedPoppy
"This literally happened to me as a child in the 80s. A cashier at a store we visited suddenly started dressing in a feminine style and it appeared that they were transitioning. My mom explained to me in an age appropriate way that sometimes people decide they want to be a man instead of a woman, or a woman instead of a man. She told me that people would probably be mean to the cashier and it was important for us to remember that and always be polite to her, as we would anyway. This was way before trans issues were as mainstream as they are now, but my mom had seen an episode of Phil Donahue where transwoman discussed their stories, and she recognized it as a medical issue. Core memory for me." - ZipCity262
"As a trans woman, im deathly afraid whenever I have to go to rural areas. I can instantly feel physical tension when I walk into a gas station or a restaurant in these areas. Thank you for being supportive. Trans people need you now more than ever." – rainbow_lenses
It really is a simple matter to accept people as they are and treat all humans with dignity, kindness and respect, even if we don't fully understand them. And as this dad and son show, it's a simple matter to demonstrate non-judgmental acceptance in front of our kids so they hopefully will grow up without being bound by chains of bigotry they'll later have to learn to unload.
This article originally appeared two years ago.
This clip has struck a chord, along with a few funny bones.
Gentle parenting has been the anxious millennial antidote to the trauma caused by their boomer parent’s not-so-gentle approach to raising kids. This new wave of parents have become determined to not let history repeat itself, to usher in a kinder, more emotionally secure, more confident generation of humans.
And while that intention is certainly admirable, perhaps we millennials, with all our self-deprecating humor, can also laugh at ourselves a bit with just how gentle we strive to be.
A fun, tongue-in-cheek and instantly viral video created by 37-year-old mom of two Taylor Wolfe can help with that.
The clip, which racked up 5.8 million views in less than 24 hours, shows Taylor trying to teach her boomer mother Sandy Wolfe all the ins-and-outs of gentle parenting so that she may use these more compassionate tactics on her grandkids.
Let’s just say, many found her failed attempt completely relatable, not to mention hilarious.
Sandy’s well intentioned “Be careful!” to her granddaughter gets met with Taylor saying, “We don’t say ‘Be careful!’ anymore. Instead say, ‘What’s your plan here?’”
“I don’t even know my plan! Do you know your plan?!” Sandy retorts.
Cut to: Sandy says “Stop. Don’t hit your sister.” Suddenly Taylor pops up from behind a corner to instruct: “Don’t say, ‘Stop,’ say, ‘Gentle.’”
“‘Gentle’…what?” asks a confused Sandy.
“‘Gentle hands,’” quips Taylor, adding. “‘Gentle’ everything.”
@thedailytay GENTLE HANDS. 🙃🫶🏻🤭❤️ #fyp #millennialsoftiktok #momsoftiktok #gentleparenting #parentsoftiktok #foryoupag #comedyvideo ♬ original sound - TaylorWolfe
Sandy can’t even catch a break when she says “I’m so proud of you.” because, as Taylor explains, “you’re not supposed to tell kids you’re proud of them anymore. That’s putting the focus on you.”
Then a classic comedy of errors ensues as Taylor advises Sandy to say “you should be so proud” and Sandy replies “I AM so proud!”
Viewers could help but laugh at their own perhaps overzealous attempts to bring gentle parenting into their life.
“I tried to gentle parent this morning but it turned into ‘OMG GET YOUR FORKING SHOES ON,”” one person wrote, while another added, “I always started with the Mary Poppins approach but sometimes you need to elevate to Judge Judy.”
Others felt like this perfectly depicted how gentle parenting sometimes misses the mark.
“I’m feeling anxious after observing gentle parenting,” one person wrote.
Another simply said, “I stand with grandma.”
This isn’t the first time Taylor and Sandy have given us a good chuckle comparing their different parenting styles. Here’s another funny video from August of 2023 where Taylor is flabbergasted to hear how her mother managed without Google:
Listen, gentle parenting is great for providing parents more mindful, less reactive responses to their kids, which can do wonders for everybody. But there’s also something to be said for not getting so wound up in the minutia of every parent-child interaction, thinking anything and everything could be threatening to a child’s development. As with anything, balance—and a sense of humor—is always key.
Follow along on more of Taylor’s fun and relatable content on TikTok.
This article originally appeared last year.