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Friendship

People recall their fleeting relationships from cruises and vacations and it's so wholesome

The friendships and romances we make on vacation often don't last, but we still remember them forever.

cruise, cruise ships, vacation, reddit, missed connections, memories, nostalgia, romance, friendship, love, kids, teens
Canva Photos

A woman reminisced about a cute boy she met on a cruise in 1996 and sparked people's memories.

I always think about the line from Fight Club, when Edward Norton's character says that he thinks of the people he meets on airplanes as "single serving friends." Though Tyler Durden chastises him for being too clever, I think Norton was onto something.

On a recent Disney cruise with my family, we really hit it off with two other families that had young kids the same age as our youngest daughter. One of them lived in Texas, the other all the way in the UK—both a far cry from Georgia, where we lived. We follow each other passively on social media, but for that one week, we were the best of friends and spent big chunks of every day together. Another time, I met a girl on a Greyhound bus when I was about 19 and going from Tempe, Arizona to Los Angeles to visit a friend. We talked the entire way, into the morning hours as we passed stunning desert rock formations and cacti as far as the eye could see.

People We Meet on Vacation isn't just a great romance novel by Emily Henry. It's a strangely beautiful phenomenon of life. The flings, romances, friendships, or even strange alliances usually don't make it back to the real world. And if they do, it's rarely the same as it was in the bubble of isolation. But that doesn't mean those connections don't leave a mark on us, sometimes forever.

A woman named Kat recently took to Reddit to share an old photo she came across. It was a younger version of herself, standing next to a "really nice" guy she met on a cruise way back in 1996.

cruise, cruise ships, vacation, reddit, missed connections, memories, nostalgia, romance, friendship, love, kids, teens You never know who you'll meet on a weeklong cruise. Giphy

She writes that they hit it off big time when they met aboard the boat after Kat's high school graduation, and that she thought he was cute. Romantic sparks flew, and Kat writes that they "kissed on the last night," but adds that the then 19-year-old boy was a "total gentlemen" for anyone whose mind might be in the gutter.

They exchanged letters for a while but, as people do, eventually lost touch. But she still remembers the time with him fondly. Her post was just a little bit of nostalgia; a way to relive a nice memory.

(The photo and original post were later taken down because, well, you'll see.)

Commenters then began chiming in with their own stories of friends, flings, and loves that they met on vacation and never saw again:

"Back in 2001 I was visiting family in Greece and met the most beautiful girl. The summer was amazing and full of memories. She was truly my first love and I had accidentally lost her contact info and over the years of going back never ran into her again.

Fast forward to 2025 married with children, I took the family to Greece and as I’m walking down the street I see her in front of me with a family of her own. We stopped and chatted for a minute with introductions to our families. As we parted ways and exchanged a quick hug she told me she had thought about me often and what could have been and was happy to see me married with a beautiful family. Memories are to be cherished and sometimes things aren’t meant to be. I was glad to have run into her and see that she was well," one user wrote.

"In my teen years in 2005, went on a carnival cruise to Jamaica, Cayman Islands and perhaps other stops. I met a blonde-haired girl named Joy. I don’t know her last name and we didn’t exchange numbers/other info. We kissed every night on the boat…and what a Joy-ful memory that has always been," added another.

cruise, cruise ships, vacation, reddit, missed connections, memories, nostalgia, romance, friendship, love, kids, teens You can become better friends with a stranger in one week of vacation than people you've known for years. Photo by Alonso Reyes on Unsplash

Even people who were kids at the time remember forming instant, powerful, unforgettable friendships—even if they were short-lived:

"When I was like 8? Maybe 9? I met this girl at some boring adult event and we ran around all night getting into trouble. We instantly became like best friends. And then I never saw her again. I still think about her sometimes," someone wrote.

"When I was about 5 years old, I was in an airport with my family for a few days. I met a girl there about my age and we had a great time playing together in the airport. The girl and her family had to fly out before mine so we had to say our goodbyes. It was really hard on both of us. This was back in the 90s when it was really hard to stay in contact with people. It should've been possible but I guess our parents didn't think a long distance friendship between 5 year olds could work (and they were probably right). ... Her mom took us to a shop in the airport that had those machines where you insert a quarter and get a cheap toy. She got two rings for us. We put them on and she said that it would help us remember each other. We shared a long hug and said our goodbyes at the gate and that was the last time we saw each other," wrote another. "I wore that thin aluminum ring til it fell apart."

"When I was about six years old I flew across the country to visit my grandparents in Arizona," a user chimed in. "I ended up seated next to a teenage boy and talked his damn ears off the whole 5ish hours of the flight- I was a chatty kid- and as an adult I can’t get over how nice and friendly and patient with me he was. Wherever you are in the universe, dude: you were really very kind and I hope you’ve stayed that kind!"

cruise, cruise ships, vacation, reddit, missed connections, memories, nostalgia, romance, friendship, love, kids, teens A shocking number of people remember brief friendships from cruises and airplanes when they were kids. Photo by Hanson Lu on Unsplash

Some people were able to take their vacation romance out into the real world, even if it still didn't last:

"I met a boy on the pool deck of a Carnival Caribbean cruise in 2005. I was newly 21, from the small town cornfields of the midwest... and he was 20, straight out of Brooklyn. We spent 4 days and nights totally inseparable and damn near fell in love. We kept in touch daily and 6 months later we decided to move to South Florida together. We stayed together happily for 5 years, and even had a pet iguana. My first real love. No regrets," one user wrote.

Dozens more stories just like them poured in, and the sign offs were always heart-wrenching:

"if you're out there, I still think about you."

"I have never seen her since. I hope she is doing good!"

"Still wonder about that dude."

"I still think of him"

"I still think about that girl every now and again and it’s been 10 years"

"If you see this, Drew… miss ya bud"

cruise, cruise ships, vacation, reddit, missed connections, memories, nostalgia, romance, friendship, love, kids, teens "I still think about you." Giphy

Emily Goulet writes for Philly Magazine that being away from home has a way of bringing you together with people you might otherwise never connect with, for reasons beyond just that you don't live close to each other.

She recalls making friends at a resort pool once: "Perhaps unsurprisingly, we were also on completely different political sides from our [new] friends, but we all quickly glossed over that. Who wants to debate social issues on vacation? We’ll never see each other again, we figured, so let’s set our differences aside [and] have a few drinks ... We were in a hazy, sun-dappled bubble divorced from reality, an alternate universe where nobody works and men walk around shirtless and people ride Segways."

When we're away from our usual routine, we open ourselves up to new experiences. We try new things, interact with people in different ways, and aren't bogged down by the realities that make real-life friendships and romances so difficult. Vacations friends and flings are perfect in that way, preserved in time when everything was great and nobody had a care in the world. They don't get tainted by anything, and maybe that's why the memories are so wonderful to revisit.

The man from Kat's story, John, eventually showed up after another poster recognized him and clued him into the viral thread.

In fact, the photo had to be taken down because people began unwittingly sharing John's personal information in the thread. Turns out, Redditors are a little too good at tracking people down.

"Thank you for posting this! I don’t have that picture and it totally brought back memories of talking and joking with you. I don’t remember your name either, but I remember your face and smile. ... It’s so nice to know you have had kind thoughts of me and well wishes. I’ve felt the same about you and others I’ve been lucky enough to bull shit and connect with. Too many to name (get it) and it sounds like a lot of people on this thread have been as lucky as us," he wrote. "I had so much fun hanging out with you and it totally made my cruise! It is so cool that our time stirred up memories like ours on this thread, thanks for motivating that."

It wasn't the case of two star-crossed lovers reuniting. John is married with kids, and Kat writes in a reply that is she is widowed. But the two will always have happy memories of the week they spent together. And, clearly, they aren't the only ones with such a story.

kids, school, school days, school week, schedule, 4 day week
Unsplash

Many school districts are moving to a 4-day week, but there are pros and cons to the approach.

American kids have fewer school days than most other major countries as it is, which poses a big challenge for families with two working parents. In a system designed for the "classic" stay-at-home mom model, it's difficult for many modern families to cover childcare and fulfill their work obligations during the many, many holidays and extra days off American children receive in school.

Some school districts, in fact, are ready to take things one step further with even fewer instructional days: for better or for worse.


Whitney Independent School District in Texas recently made news when it decided to enact a four-day week heading into the 2025 school year. That makes it one of dozens of school districts in Texas to make the change and over 900 nationally.

The thought of having the kids home from school EVERY Friday or Monday makes many parents break out in stress hives, but this four-day school week movement isn't designed to give parents a headache. It's meant to lure teachers back to work.

Yes, teachers are leaving the profession in droves and young graduates don't seem eager to replace them. Why? For starters, the pay is bad—but that's just the beginning. Teachers are burnt out, undermined and criticized relentlessly, held hostage by standardized testing, and more. It can be a grueling, demoralizing, and thankless job. The love and passion they have for shaping the youth of tomorrow can only take you so far when you feel like you're constantly getting the short end of the stick.

School districts want to pay their teachers more, in theory, but their hands are often tied. So, they're getting creative to recruit the next generation of teachers into their schools—starting with an extra day off for planning, catch-up, or family time every week.

Teachers in four-day districts often love the new schedule. Kids love it (obviously). It's the parents who, as a whole, aren't super thrilled.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

So far, the data shows that the truncated schedule perk is working. In these districts, job applications for teachers are up, retirements are down, and teachers are reporting better mental well-being. That's great news!

But these positive developments may be coming at the price of the working parents in the communities. Most early adopters of the four-day week have been rural communities with a high prevalence of stay-at-home parents. As the idea starts to take hold in other parts of the country, it's getting more pushback. Discussions on Reddit, Facebook, and other social media platforms are overrun with debate on how this is all going to shake up. Some parents, to be fair, like the idea! If they stay-at-home or have a lot of flexibility, they see it as an opportunity for more family time. But many are feeling anxious. Here's what's got those parents worried:

The effect on students' achievement is still unclear.

The execution of the four-day week varies from district to district. Some schools extend the length of each of the four days, making the total instructional time the same. That makes for a really long day, and some teachers say the students are tired and more unruly by the late afternoon. Some districts are just going with less instruction time overall, which has parents concerned that their kids might fall behind.

A study of schools in Iowa that had reduced instructional days found that five-days-a-week students performed better, on average.

Four-day school weeks put parents in a childcare bind.

Having two working parents is becoming more common and necessary with the high cost of living. Of course—"school isn't daycare!" But it is the safe, reliable, and educational place we send our kids while we we work.

Families with money and resources may be able to enroll their kids in more academics, extracurriculars, sports, or childcare, but a lot of normal families won't be able to afford that cost. Some schools running a four-day week offer a paid childcare option for the day off, but that's an added expense and for families with multiple kids in the school system, it's just not possible.

kids, school, school days, school week, schedule, 4 day week In a 4-day model, kids often (but not always) receive less instructional time. Photo by Ivan Aleksic on Unsplash

This will inevitably end with some kids getting way more screentime.

With most parents still working five-day weeks, and the cost of extra activities or childcare too high, a lot of kids are going to end up sitting around on the couch with their iPad on those days off. Adding another several hours of it to a child's week seems less than ideal according to expert recommendations.

Of course there are other options other than paid childcare and iPads. There are play dates, there's getting help from family and friends. All of these options are an enormous amount of work to arrange for parents who are already at capacity.

Working four days is definitely a win for teachers that makes the job more appealing. But it doesn't address the systemic issues that are driving them to quit, retire early, or give up their dreams of teaching all together.

@5th_with_ms.y

Replying to @emory here are my thoughts on my 4day work week as a teacher✨ #foryou #fyp #fypシ #foryoupage #foryoupageofficiall #teachersoftiktokfyp #teachersoftiktok #teachertok #teachersbelike #teachertiktok #tik #tiktok #viralllllll #teachertoks #teaching #teacher #tok #viralvideo #teacherlife #viral #trendy #teacher #teaching #worklifebalance #worklife #publicschool #publiceducation #school #student

A Commissioner of Education from Missouri calls truncated schedules a "band-aid solution with diminishing returns." Having an extra planning day won't stop teachers from getting scapegoated by politicians or held to impossible curriculum standards, it won't keep them from having to buy their own supplies or deal with ever-worsening student behavior.

Some teachers and other experts have suggested having a modified five-day school week, where one of the days gets set aside as a teacher planning day while students are still on-site participating in clubs, music, art—you know, all the stuff that's been getting cut in recent years. Something like that could work in some places.

In any case, the debate over a shortened school week is not going away any time soon. More districts across the country are doing their research in preparation for potentially making the switch.

Many parents don't theoretically mind the idea of their busy kids having an extra day off to unwind, pursue hobbies, see friends, catch up on projects, or spend time as a family. They're also usually in favor of anything that takes pressure off of overworked teachers. But until we adopt a four-day work week as the standard, the four-day school week is always going to feel a little out of place.

This article originally appeared in February. It has been updated.

Joy

Man ordering steak for dog's last meal is stunned by restaurant staff’s kind response

The staff knew something was wrong when he said he didn't need any sides with the steak.

cheddar's scratch kitchen. black labrador, dogs, rainbow bridge, steak, steak house

A Cheddar's Scratch Kitchen and a black Labrador (representative image).

There are a few things that are harder than saying goodbye to a pet; it can be as difficult as losing a close friend or family member. But for some reason, many people feel that they are not supposed to grieve as deeply for the loss of a pet as they do for a human. That’s why the kindness shown by the staff at Cheddar’s Scratch Kitchen in Saint Joseph, Missouri, is so extraordinary.

CousinHomer, a country musician in Missouri, was faced with the terrible decision to put down his 13-year-old dog, Bella, so he wanted her last meal to be something truly special: a “big, juicy steak.” The staff at the restaurant asked him what he wanted for sides, and CousinHomer said he just wanted the steak. “They told me it would be the same price with or without them, so I might as well get them. I explained to them that I was having my dog, Bella, put to sleep later that day, and I wanted her last meal to be a nice, juicy steak,” CousinHomer said in his video.


@clevelandclinic

Five-finger breathing is a simple but powerful breathing technique that induces deep relaxation — and you can do just about anywhere! 🖐️ Unlike other types of breathwork, five-finger breathing is a multisensory experience where you concentrate on more than just your breath. You also focus on the movement and sensation of one hand touching another, slowly and with intentionality. This helps your brain enter a state of deep relaxation, which causes it to release endorphins.

An incredible act of kindness

“When I showed up at the restaurant about 30 minutes later to pick up her food, the manager handed me the bag of food and said, ‘We are so sorry about your dog. This meal is on us.’ I really couldn't believe it. It was so nice of them,” CousinHomer said. However, when he got home, he saw that they had done something even more special: the entire staff had signed a card that read: "Our deepest sympathy in the loss of your best friend. She'll be waiting for you over the Rainbow Bridge."


“So I just want to publicly say, thank you, Cheddar's, for being so kind and thoughtful. It really meant the world to me,” CousinHomer concluded his video. But that wasn’t the end of the story. CousinHomer asked people to tag Cheddar’s in the post, so they know how many saw their act of kindness. Cheddar’s followed up with another act of kindness, which CousinHomer documented in a follow-up video.

@cousinhomer

CHEDDAR’S Restaurant Did It AGAIN. Wow!! (A Must See). #cheddars #cheddarsscratchkitchen #rainbowbridge #steakdinner #compassion @Cheddar’s

After Cheddar’s was flooded with people tagging them in the story, they sent CousinHomer a branded fleece that he can wear like a snuggie. “May comfort wrap around you like a warm Honey Butter Croissant. Your Cheddar’s family is here for you, Cousin,” the company wrote in the comments.

Why the loss of a pet hurts so much

Losing a pet can be just as hard as losing a human loved one, but there is one thing that's uniquely painful about putting down a pet. No matter how much we know we made the right decision, it still won’t stop us from ruminating over it.

“You do that because emotional pain hurts just like physical pain. And we are hard-wired to recognize pain as a teacher,” Sarah Hoggan, a pet loss grief advocate, said in a TED Talk. “Our body has reflexes that will pull our hand off a hot stove. We have pulled ourselves to safety even before we know the burn has occurred. Unfortunately, no such instant rescue mechanism exists for emotional pain. That means we need to study the events that led to the pain, to try to learn something from it and avoid it in the future.”

Ultimately, CousinHomer is going to be in a period of grief for quite a while, but it’s nice to know that there are a whole lot of people who recognized his pain and let him know that it was completely warranted to need some love after the death of a pet. At a moment when you have to make an incredibly difficult decision, having people understand your pain can make all the difference.

- YouTubeyoutu.be

This article originally appeared last year
Culture

American shares his 9 realizations about the U.S. after 13 years abroad and it's eye-opening

“If you’ve never left, you can never understand what it’s really like…”

united states, american, europe, living abroad, U.K.
Image credit: Evan Edinger/YouTube

You learn a lot about your country when you leave it for a while.

Evan Edinger moved to London over 13 years ago to study abroad but never planned on staying overseas permanently. His goal was to get his degree, return to the United States, start his career, and make a life for himself. He thought of his time in London as a "temporary adventure."

But when he finished his degree, he found himself in an unexpected situation: He didn't want to go back. "The longer I stayed in London," Edinger shares on his YouTube channel, "the more I began to notice all of the assumptions that I'd grown up believing in America, the things I was brought up to believe were undeniably true and just the way the world worked—it turns out they weren't true at all."


One of the benefits of living in another country is seeing your country of origin through different eyes. That perspective can cause you to appreciate some things and question other things. Edinger shares nine realizations he's had about the U.S. since he left, starting with one of the most quintessentially American realities he found himself questioning.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

1. Guns

Edinger grew up in New Jersey and describes it as "quite a blue state," but he was still immersed in the gun culture that views gun ownership as a fundamental part of being an American.

"I was raised in a very pro-gun household," Edinger says. "In my family home in America, we had a 12-gauge shotgun, a 10-gauge, a black powder rifle, and a .410 shotgun for the children. My dad would take us out some days to shoot empty cans of beer or play pigeons or sometimes go hunting for pheasants or deer."

He says the notion of not owning a gun was unthinkable in his upbringing. "The idea that other countries do not allow guns is viewed more like these other countries are missing a fundamental right," he says.

His ideas about guns have changed dramatically since moving to London and living in a society without ubiquitous access to guns. "Visiting Philadelphia when I was younger was always scary to me because I never knew who had a gun, who wanted to rob me," Edinger shares. "Visiting New Orleans a couple years ago, I was told by my hotel staff that a few days prior, a tourist was shot and died in the local Popeye's Chicken because he caught a stray bullet of two people having an argument in the restaurant. So, that's just something that people just have to deal with. This constant fear of I could just die being caught in a crossfire and there's nothing I can really do about it because freedom. I've pretty much never felt that level of fear in London at all. And that alone was enough to sway my opinion on guns."

guns, gun culture, gun violence, united states, second amendment The U.S. has a unique gun culture.Photo credit: Canva

2. Government

"One thing that's really drilled into you pretty much every year of American school is that American democracy is the end-all be-all of government and that it is the beacon of freedom other countries look to emulate. Then, once you become an adult and you see how dysfunctional the U.S. government is, you search for anything to feel better about it and usually settle on 'Well, at least it's not a third world dictatorship.'"

But those aren't the only two options. Edinger explains how the parliamentary system in the U.K. is far from perfect, but it tends to be more effective at actually getting things done because lawmakers aren't constantly stymied by the inherently destructive two-party gridlock we have in the U.S.

"It's messy, yes, but after 13 years away, I've come to the belief that no system of government is perfect," he says. "But most systems in Western Europe are far more effective than what I grew up believing was the 'best in the world.'"

3. Walkability and Public Transport

In the U.S., having a car is practically a symbol of freedom, but Edinger says he's never felt the need to have a car in his 13 years living in London. He says it's been incredibly freeing to be able to walk and take public transit everywhere, and not just in the city. He's been able to travel all over Europe, in larger cities and small towns, and the focus on walkable neighborhoods and public transportation is everywhere.

walkable cities, public transportation, car dependency, london underground, subway It's much easier to get around without a car in Europe. Photo credit: Canva

"After having spent some time living in walkable neighborhoods, I would never ever choose to live in a car dependent place ever again," Edinger says. "It is truly one of the most life-changing parts of living over here. And because I'm always walking everywhere, because I'm always cycling everywhere, it's so much easier to be healthy and physically fit without even trying."

4. Food Quality and Price

Europe has different regulations than the U.S., Edinger explains, with an approach that leads to a lot less additives and chemicals being added to foods.

"Europe's food agency focuses on possibilities and the U.S.'s focuses on probabilities. Is it possible an unnecessary additive could be harmful? Europe prohibits it just to be safe. The US agency, the FDA, they only step in if the probability of it being harmful is high. So, that risk is passed on to the average American consumer."

Edinger also points out that the ability to walk down to the store to get fresh ingredients regularly makes it a lot easier to eat well. "It's one of those things where once you experience both, there is no contest. No contest. So, it's much easier to be healthy in Europe than in America."

5. Healthcare in the U.S. vs. Europe

"If my health does have issues, I am glad it's not something that would ever bankrupt me or cause me to ever think about how much it would have to cost me just to be sick," says Edinger.

Americans often hear horror stories about socialized medicine, but Edinger's experience with going to the doctor and even going to the hospital have been positive, and barely cost him anything.

health, healthcare, universal healthcare, health insurance, cost of healthcare The U.S. is an outlier in the world when it comes to healthcare costs. Photo credit: Canva

"There are only two types of people that are against the freeing social safety net that is universal healthcare," says Edinger. "People that have never experienced socialized healthcare and people that profit from the broken system. That's it." Most Americans want it, but "most Americans" is not where the money is.

6. Consumer Protections in the U.S. vs Europe

Edinger shares that he bought a MacBook Pro in 2019 that didn't work right, and he hadn't purchased AppleCare because he knew he didn't have to.

"If you buy a tech product in Europe, you have a reasonable expectation that it should last you at least two years free of defects," says Edinger. "And if it's not up to your expectations or breaks down before then, you can demand a return or replacement. This law protects consumers from shady business practices."

He ended up getting his full money back on the computer due to those consumer protections.

"It's laws like this where you really begin to notice a pattern that life in Europe is one that gives more rights to the everyday person over giant corporations and shared benefit over private," says Edinger.

7. Worker Rights

"A quick summary would be 28 days minimum paid holiday, one year paid maternity leave, two weeks paid paternity leave, sick leave, even the right against unlawful termination," said Edinger. "When working part-time at Urban Outfitters in London, even though I worked less than 20 hours a week, I still got two days paid holiday per month. That's insane, right? No, that's just life over here. Meanwhile, I worked five years at a Pizza Hut in New Jersey for over 30 hours per week. Never got a single day of paid vacation."

Indeed, there's more than a handful of European countries that guarantee at least a month of paid days off, with some countries actually requiring a certain number of days or weeks off.

vacation, holiday, paid vacation days, paid time off, work life balance Europeans get far more generous paid leave than Americans do.Photo credit: Canva

Edinger points out the irony that he was always taught that the U.S. was for the individual, for individual freedoms. But in his experience, in Europe individuals have more rights than those with money or power, while it's the opposite in the U.S.

8. Money (Live to work or work to live?)

Edinger says that most things are more affordable in Europe, from groceries to data plans, but Americans do earn higher salaries.

"So if you earn a lot of money and money is your sole defining metric of success, then you can feel a lot more successful in the U.S.," he says. "But because the culture in Europe is work to live and not live to work, you might find that the stress and cost tradeoffs and quality of life erode the value of that higher salary quite quickly."

9. On Romanticizing Europe

People often wonder if Americans romanticize Europe too much, and Edinger says the same question used to be asked of Europeans romanticizing America. But now that we have YouTube and social media and a better ability to see the realities of both places, he says what Americans "romanticize" about Europe is really just the things we want and don't have.

work-life balance, united states, working, european culture, worker rights Work-life balance is something a lot of Americans struggle with.Photo credit: Canva

"I think most Americans who are eyeing up Europe are doing so because of the things that America is lacking. Nearly two in three Americans want universal healthcare. Well, America doesn't offer that. Again, two in three Americans want European style vacation policies. America doesn't offer that. And 53% of Americans would prefer to live in a walkable neighborhood, but sorry, America doesn't offer that. The list goes on. If America were an actual democracy, I don't think many of these people would be having romanticized views of Europe at all because they wouldn't need to. They could have everything they wanted in the country they were born and raised."

Of course, every country has its problems and there are certainly downsides to moving abroad. Edinger acknowledges that but says it really boils down to what you value in life. Americans are taught to romanticize the U.S., and leaving it helps you see the reality, what's good about your country and where it has room for improvement.

"I think the main thing though out of everything that I miss about the U.S. that I can't really get here is not rights, not freedoms, not anything that's big on quality of life improvements," says Edinger. "It's just Mexican food and good ice cream."

You can follow Evan Edinger on YouTube for more on his experiences as an American living abroad.

flags, countries, world, patriotism, nationalism

What's the difference between patriotism and nationalism?

Patriotism can feel like a loaded term sometimes, as the meaning can range in people's minds from a basic love of country to a fierce loyalty one is willing to die for. What constitutes "country" can also impact how we perceive of patriotism, as there's a difference between the land, the people, the ideals, and the current government.

And then there's nationalism, which may sound like the same thing but isn't. So what's the difference? Episcopal priest Joseph Yoo shared his thoughts on what separates patriotism from nationalism, and people are appreciating having the key differences laid out so clearly.


@joseph.yoo

Nationalism vs. Patriotism #yourEpiscoPal #YourKoreanFather #nationalism #patriotism #LanguageLearning

"Patriotism is love," Yoo begins. "It's gratitude. It's saying, 'I care about my country enough to tell the truth about it, to celebrate what's good and work to fix what's broken."

"Nationalism, that's idolatry," he continues. "It says my nation is the nation above critique, above others, God's favorite. And once you slap God's seal of approval on your own flag, congratulations, you've just made your country a 'golden calf.'"

He explained the patriotism results in activism like that of John Lewis crossing the Edmund Pettus Bridge to demand that the country live up to its professed ideals. Nationalism results in tragedies like the January 6th invasion of the Capitol, where Confederate flags and crosses were seen in the same mob.

"Patriotism says, 'I love my family enough to admit when we've messed up, and I will help us grow," Yoo says." Nationalism says, 'My family is perfect, everyone else is trash, and if you disagree you are out."

"One is honest love. The other is toxic possession," he says. "One builds. One bullies."

Yoo concluded with a biblical point: "Jesus never called us to worship a flag, only to love our neighbor."

It's important to differentiate between patriotism and nationalism because the latter has become a bit of a lightning rod in the political discourse. Some use it as a pejorative term, while others have embraced it as something totally acceptable or even positive. When the definitions are muddied, it causes confusion.

American flags, united states, america, patriotism, nationalism Flags can be a symbol of both patriotism and nationalism.Photo credit: Canva

Of course, Yoo is not the sole authority on what these words mean, but his thoughts are aligned with what the neutral arbiters of definitions say they mean.

Dictionary.com has an entire page discussing the terms, defining patriotism as "devoted love, support, and defense of one’s country; national loyalty,” and nationalism as "the policy or doctrine of asserting the interests of one’s own nation viewed as separate from the interests of other nations or the common interests of all nations," ultimately leading to how the two words are used:

"Patriotism generally has a positive connotation. It’s used for various positive sentiments, attitudes, and actions involving loving one’s country and serving the great good of all its people.

Nationalism generally has a negative connotation. It’s used for political ideologies and movements that a more extreme and exclusionary love of one’s country—at the expense of foreigners, immigrants, and even people in a country who aren’t believed to belong in some way, often racial and religious grounds."

flags, countries, world, patriotism, nationalism Love of one's country is nice. But there's a difference between patriotism and nationalism. Photo credit: Canva

Britannica also has a whole page about the two words, with this basic synopsis of the differences:

"Patriotism is a feeling of attachment and commitment to a country, nation, or political community, and its conception has roots tracing back to Greek and Roman antiquity. It is associated with the love of law and common liberty, the search for the common good, and the duty to behave justly toward one’s country. Nationalism, on the other hand, is a more modern ideology that emerged in the 18th century, focusing on the individual’s loyalty and devotion to the nation-state, often surpassing other individual or group interests."

And then there are some famous takes on patriotism:

“I love America more than any other country in the world and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.”
― James Baldwin

“Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it.”
― Mark Twain

mark twain, author, patriotism, nationalism, democracy Mark Twain had quite a bit to say about patriotism. Giphy

“Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official, save exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the country. It is patriotic to support him insofar as he efficiently serves the country. It is unpatriotic not to oppose him to the exact extent that by inefficiency or otherwise he fails in his duty to stand by the country. In either event, it is unpatriotic not to tell the truth, whether about the president or anyone else.”
― Theodore Roosevelt

“The difference between patriotism and nationalism is that the patriot is proud of his country for what it does, and the nationalist is proud of his country no matter what it does; the first attitude creates a feeling of responsibility, but the second a feeling of blind arrogance that leads to war.”

― Sydney J. Harris

There's nothing wrong with loving your country, but anything taken to excess and exclusion isn't healthy. Nationalism is excessive and exclusive in its very nature, and while patriotism can be weaponized, when kept in check it's what keeps people striving to make their homelands the best that they can be for everyone who lives there.

This article originally appeared last year

Gen Alpha; Gen Z; millennials; life in 80s; 80s life; 1980s; Oregon trail generation

Teacher asks 7th graders about the 80s. Their answers have us howling.

Gen Zers joke that their parents were born in the 1900s as a way to teasingly make it seem like their parents are much older than they actually are. But the kids coming up behind them are either really good at sarcasm or they actually believe the 80s were more like the 1780s. A 7th grade teacher asked her class full of Gen Alphas what they thought the worst part of the 80s was, and no one was prepared for their answers.

When most people think about the 80s, they think of big hair teased and sprayed to the gods. Bright colors, roller skates, and people walking around with giant boomboxes on their shoulders (as if everyone wanted to hear their music choices) are also at the top of the list for things that represent the 80s. But when thinking of the worst part of that decade, the lack of things like GPS, cell phones, and search engines would probably be at the top of that list.


Gen Alpha; Gen Z; millennials; life in 80s; 80s life; 1980s; Oregon trail generation Retro vibes with bold colors and music! 🎶✨ #80sFashionPhoto credit: Canva

Gen Alpha has other ideas about the worst part of the 80s. If you lived through that decade, you may want to remove your hat so you can scratch your head. The teacher who goes by Meliciousmo on social media recently uploaded the prompt and her students' answers on TikTok, giving viewers a chuckle.

One kid answers the prompt with, "No electricity. No good food." It's starting out pretty questionably, but let's give him the benefit of the doubt by assuming his family watches a lot of Little House on the Prairie and his centuries are mixed up. The next kid's response will probably nail it.

Well, maybe not. Through a few spelling errors, the response explains that the worst part about the 80s is that they didn't have cars. Yes, this sweet summer child surmised that life was tough because cars didn't exist, so walking everywhere or riding a horse and buggy was imperative. Obviously, this is false, because there were cars in the 80s. They had seatbelts in them for decoration, and kids would slide across the backseat when their dad turned a corner too fast as their mom reflexively extended a stiff arm to stop them from flying out of the car.

Gen Alpha; Gen Z; millennials; life in 80s; 80s life; 1980s; Oregon trail generation Confused expression with a questioning gesture.Photo credit: Canva

Clearly, some of the students were exposed to either 80s movies or TV shows because a couple of answers were spot on. One student wrote that running out of hairspray was the worst thing about the 80s, while another said, "People listening to other people's phone calls." Yikes. They're right. There were no cell phones, so there were no Bluetooth devices, so everyone was privy to your private conversation. Another child said nothing was bad about the 80s because "they had cool clothes, music, people, and hair." Those are big facts, kid.

But other suggestions included having to walk through rivers because of the lack of buses, or the worst part of the 80s: the Cold War.

@meliciousmo Every Friday I ask my students a fun question. This was today’s with some of their responses. 🤦🏼♀️#teachersoftiktok #funnyanswers #genx #middleschool ♬ Don't Stop Believin' (2024 Remaster) - Journey

One person writes, "There’s[sic] like 3 kids who know the 1980s are not the same as the 1780s. LOL."

Another laughs, "Gosh I’m still tired from walking through all the rivers to school."

Someone else thinks the generational gap between parents has something to do with it, "Some of these are spot on…some think we’re over 100 years old! You can tell who has Gen X parents and who has Millennial parents!"

Gen Alpha; Gen Z; millennials; life in 80s; 80s life; 1980s; Oregon trail generation Students eagerly participate in a classroom discussion.Photo credit: Canva

Book It pizza party anyone? (Or was that the 90s?) Either way, someone is proposing that iconic classic, writing, "Ok so some good ones, shoulder pads, people listening in to phone calls and hair spary[sic] are all legit. Give those kids a classic 80s pizza paety[sic]!! As for WW2, no tv, cars, and the great depression. Well those kids need a new history book lol."

Another person adds a pressure that only those who were adults in the 80s could appreciate, saying, "I didn't even grow up in the 80s and I KNOW it was writing a check at the grocery store with four people behind you and the person behind you had a full belt. The pressure must have been CRIPPLING."

This article originally appeared last year