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Family

Dad writes heartbreaking message after the death of his son

"Hug your kids. Don’t work too late. "

Dad writes heartbreaking message after the death of his son
via LinkedIn

A dad from Portland, Oregon, has taken to LinkedIn to write an emotional plea to parents after he learned that his son had died during a conference call at work. J.R. Storment, of Portland, Oregon, encouraged parents to spend less time at work and more time with their kids after his son's death.


In an open letter on LinkedIn, which has so far garnered over 26,000 likes and 2,700 comments, Storment explains that his son, Wiley, passed away during his sleep as a result of complications from his mild epilepsy. He then goes on to blast himself for not spending enough time with his son, and encourages other parents to take more time off work.

Widowed father with his family

J.R. Storment and his family

via Facebook

Storment starts by explaining that the day his son passed away started like any other:

"Eight years ago, during the same month, I had twin boys and co-founded Cloudability. About three months ago Cloudability was acquired. About three weeks ago we lost one of our boys."

"When I got the call I was sitting in a conference room with 12 people at our Portland office talking about PTO policies. Minutes earlier, I had admitted to the group that in the last 8 years I'd not taken more than a contiguous week off."

That's when Storment received a call from his distraught wife.

"My wife and I have an agreement that when one of us calls, the other answers. So when the phone rang I stood up and walked to the conference room door immediately."

"I was still walking through the door when I answered with 'Hey, what's up?'"

"Her reply was icy and immediate: 'J.R., Wiley is dead.'"

"'What?' I responded incredulously."

"'Wiley has died.' she reiterated."

"'What?! No.' I yelled out, 'No!'"

"'I'm so sorry, I have to call 911.'"

Storment goes on to explain the chaos that happened next.

"That was the entire conversation. The next thing I know I'm sprinting out the front door of the office with my car keys in hand, running ferociously across the street and muttering 'oh F**k. oh F**k. oh F**k.' Half way down the block I realize I don't have the opener to my parking garage. Running back into the lobby, I all but shout "Someone drive me! Somebody drive me!" Thankfully, a helpful colleague did."

Storment made it home, but not yet knowing the cause of death, police were treating the house as a possible crime scene. The heartbroken father was unable to see his son for two and a half hours.

"When the medical examiner finally finished his work, we were allowed in the room. An eerie calm came over me. I laid down next to him in the bed that he loved, held his hand and kept repeating, 'What happened, buddy? What happened?'"

"We stayed next to him for maybe 30 minutes and stroked his hair before they returned with a gurney to take him away. I walked him out, holding his hand and his forehead through the body bag as he was wheeled down our driveway. Then all the cars drove away. The last one to leave was the black minivan with Wiley in it."

Storment goes on to explain his son's dreams and aspirations, and the difficulty he had signing his son's death certificate.

"Wiley was obsessed with starting a business. One day it was a smoothie stand, the next it would be a gallery, then a VR headset company, then a 'coder', then a spaceship building company. In each of these scenarios he was the boss. His brother (and sometimes us) were invited to work for—not with— him and were each assigned jobs. In the gallery scenario, Wiley informed Oliver that he would be manning the cash register."

"Around 5 years old, Wiley decided he was going to get married as an adult. By 6 he had identified the girl, holding her hand at recess on the first day of kindergarten. Over the next two years as we moved from Portland to London to Hawaii, he kept in touch with her by handwritten letter. Not long before we moved back to Portland, the two agreed (by letter) to marry. She beat him to the punch and asked him. He accepted. Happily, he got to see her twice after we moved back to Portland in June."

"One of the countless difficult moments of this month was signing his death certificate. Seeing his name written on the top of it was hard. However, two fields further down the form crushed me. The first said: 'Occupation: Never worked' and the next: 'Marital Status: Never married.' He wanted so badly to do both of those things. I feel both fortunate and guilty to have had success in each."

Storment then criticises himself for spending too much time at work. And while it sounds that Wiley got to live an amazing life, Storment only wishes he could have done more with him.

"Over the last three weeks I have come up with an endless stream of things I regret. They tend to fall into two categories: things I wish I had done differently and things I'm sad not to see him do. My wife is constantly reminding me of all the things he did do: Wiley went to 10 countries, drove a car on a farm road in Hawaii, hiked in Greece, snorkeled in Fiji, wore a suit to a fantastic British prep school every day for two years, got rescued from a shark on a jet ski, kissed multiple girls, got good enough at chess to beat me twice in a row, wrote short stories and drew comics obsessively."

Storment hadn't checked on the boys the morning of the tragedy because he had to get up early for meetings, a decision he seems to regret.

"Around 5:40am, the next morning I woke up for a series of back to back meetings. I did a Peloton ride, took an analyst call from my home office, one with a colleague on the drive to work, then the rest at the office. None seem that important now. I left that morning without saying goodbye or checking on the boys."

Via Facebook

Storment has a simple message for parents:

"Many have asked what they can do to help. Hug your kids. Don't work too late. A lot of the things you are likely spending your time on you'll regret once you no longer have the time. I'm guessing you have 1:1 meetings on the books with a lot of people you work with. Do you have them regularly scheduled with your kids? If there's any lesson to take away from this, it's to remind others (and myself) not to miss out on the things that matter."

"The big question is how to return to work in a way that won't leave me again with the regrets I have now. To be honest, I've considered not going back. But I believe in the words of Kahlil Gibran who said, 'Work is love made visible.' To me, that line is a testament to how much we gain, grow and offer through the work we do. But that work needs to have a balance that I have rarely lived. It's a balance that lets us offer our gifts to the world but not at the cost of self and family."

"While I sat writing this post, my living son, Oliver, came in to ask for screen time. Instead of saying the usual 'no', I stopped writing and asked if I could play with him. He was happily surprised by my answer and we connected in a way I would have formerly missed out on. Small things matter. One silver lining from this tragedy is the improving relationship I have with him."

"Our family has gone from having two units of two (the parents and the twins) to now being a triangle of three. That's a big adjustment for a family that has always been four. Oliver's brilliant reply when we discussed the shape of our new family: 'But Papa, the triangle is the strongest shape.' By some sad and beautiful irony, Oliver has met three sets of 8-year-old twins in our new neighborhood since Wiley passed."

"I've learned to stop waiting to do the things the kids ask for. When we sold the business I gave each of the boys a $100 dollar bill. They decided to pool their money to buy a tent for camping. But we didn't make it happen before Wiley died. Another regret. So, after the first round of family visits after his death, I took Jessica and Oliver to REI to get gear and we left town quickly to camp near Mt. St. Helens."

"Somehow, we got to the wilderness without enough cash to cover the campground fee and had a slight panic. Jessica then realized that Wiley's $100 bill was still in his seat pocket. He got to spend his money on camping after all. Collectively, the family said a big, 'Thanks, buddy' out-loud to him. It was one of many bittersweet moments we will experience for the rest of our lives. Each happy time brings with it the sadness that he doesn't get to experience it."

"One of Wiley's happy times was listening to music and dancing. Damn, could that kid dance. He loved the Oregon Country Fair and the year before we left for London, we listened to a band there play a version of 'Enjoy yourself (It's later than you think)'. The words stuck with me that day three years ago and painfully so now:"


"You work and work for years and years, you're always on the go

You never take a minute off, too busy makin' dough

Someday, you say, you'll have your fun, when you're a millionaire

Imagine all the fun you'll have in your old rockin' chair

Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think

Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink

The years go by, as quickly as a wink

Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think"


This article originally appeared on 07.10.21

@yourejustliz/TikTok

“Nice is different than kind."

It might have been pretty universally accepted during our childhood for daughters to be expected to reciprocate affection from adults, whether they liked it or not. A non consensual kiss to grandparents here, a forced “thank you” there. But times have changed.

However, this change in parenting style can sometimes make for some, well, awkward or even downright uncomfortable situations as moms and dads try to advocate for this kid’s autonomy.

Recently, a mom named Liz Kindred detailed just such an incident with her six year old daughter, which has a whole lotta other parents discussing how to navigate these unideal interactions.


As she recalls in a video posted to TikTok, Kindred was waiting in line with her daughter when a grown man turned around and said “My goodness, you sure are pretty” to the child.

“My six-year-old is gorgeous, yes, but she is also very in tune and perceptive, and she's an introvert so she grabbed my leg really tight,” Kindred said.

Doubling down, the man repeated himself, saying “You sure are pretty. Look at those blue eyes,” which only made her shy daughter grab her leg harder.

Noting that being in a 12 step program has taught her to be less “knee jerk reactionary,” the mom bit her tongue and offered a polite smile to the man, hoping that would be the end of it. It wasn’t.



“He's a boomer and, God love him, he said, ‘I guess your mom didn't teach you manners.’ And I let out an uncomfortable little [chuckle], and the pause was long. It was long. And under his breath he said, ‘Guess not,’” she said.

In what she called the most ”Jesus loving way” she could muster, while still bluntly making her point, Kindred told the man "If you assume that I didn't teach my six-year-old daughter to say ‘thank you’ to a grown, consenting man when he compliments her appearance, then you would be correct."

What followed was the “longest silence” of Kindred’s life.

The video, which has been viewed over 6 million times now, prompted a ton of parents to share how their own kids have established boundaries in similar situations—with their support, of course.

“An old man called my 4 yr old daughter a sweetheart at the store…she boldly responded ‘I am NOT YOUR sweetheart!’ I was so proud,” on person recalled.

Another added, “My 3 year old says ‘NO THANK YOU MY BODY DOESN’T LIKE TAHT.’”

Still another said “My 2 yo knows the boundaries song and just starts singing that anytime someone talks to her.”

While the response to Kindred’s video was overwhelmingly positive, there were a few comments defending the man as simply being “kind.” This prompted Kindred to do a follow-up video doubling down on her decision.

In the clip, she shared how she herself has dealt with seemingly innocent compliments in her life from men, which later turned into something else. Feeling like she “didn’t have a voice” to say something, “because I’m a nice Christian, Southern girl,” Kindred ended up being in unsavory situations (she didn't explicitly say what those situations were, but it's easy enough to piece together). She doesn’t want her daughter to have the same issues.


“Nice is different than kind. The kind thing to do is to teach our daughters and our children in this next generation that when you are uncomfortable with something you listen to your body and you set a firm boundary with that and you provide language around that. And you start that really really young.”

Yep. Well said.


This article originally appeared on 8.8.24

Pop Culture

Jelly Roll invites inmates to perform with him on stage and brings people to tears

Jelly Roll knows firsthand what this kind of representation can do.

Jelly Roll has inmates perform at his concert, moving people to tears.

Jelly Roll is an American rapper and singer that has shot to the top of the charts in recent years with his hit songs "Save Me" and "Need A Favor." He's been vocal about his rough start in life that involved drugs and multiple trips to jail before he eventually earned his GED while incarcerated and dedicated himself to finding a different way to live life.

The singer uses his experiences to not only reach audiences through his music but through the stories he tells. Jelly Roll never shies away from all the things he's been through in life, so it shouldn't be surprising that he looks for ways to give back to people who have found themselves in similar situations, often visiting correctional facilities in tour cities.

Recently his tour took him to Chesterfield, Virginia, where he of course stopped by the county jail to speak to the inmates. But this time, instead of performing for them, some of the inmates performed for him. Jelly Roll was blown away by their talent and before his scheduled performance decided to take a chance by asking the sheriff if the inmates could join him on stage. It's probably safe to assume this isn't a regular request for the sheriff, but he decided to oblige the singer.

The inmates got to show up in street clothes, joining the singer on stage to sing his single, "Unpretty," which is a song one of the prisoner's sang for Jelly Roll earlier in the day. The artist uploaded a highlight reel to his Instagram page with the caption:

"One of the most special moments of my career happened last night. Before the show, I had the honor of stopping by a jail in Chesterfield, Virginia where they have a program called Helping Addicts Recover Progressively (HARP). I’ve had the pleasure of getting to visit and talk to the folks in this program before, but this time something surreal took place. Sheriff Leonard allowed 4 members of the program to not only come to the show, but come on stage and perform the music with me.

I don’t know what it was about me, but I only ever believed things could happen whenever I got close enough to see them happening in front of me. My hope with bringing these men out on stage with me is that they can see a larger picture of what life can become. The place they’re in now is not the end, and the future can be so much more than their wildest dreams. I can never thank and praise the HARP program enough for making this happen, the work they’re doing is truly invaluable."

Jelly Roll testifying before the U.S. Congresscommons.wikimedia.org

In another video posted to Jelly Roll's Instagram page, you can see the inmates perform from the audience viewpoint and you can tell the men are taking full advantage of the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. If they were nervous, there was no indication of it because the four men sang, rapped and played the guitar. There was true talent in that group, and they got to showcase it to hundreds of screaming fans.

Under the highlight reel, a fan speaks highly of the program that allowed the inmates to experience a Jelly Roll concert from the stage, writing, "I been in that program. You leave with a different mindset. The sheriff is a good man, and really trying to make a difference. We appreciate you jelly for all you do."

The Chesterfield Virginia account also show their appreciation, "Thank you so much for coming to our jail and loving on our inmates! It meant the world."


Celebrities, congresspeople and fans can't seem to get enough of Jelly Roll's action of reaching back to show people headed down the wrong path a new direction.

Tulsi Gabbard says, "Tears streaming down my face. Thank you @jellyroll615 for your heart, and the love you have shown to these men. I felt God’s presence and love on that stage and in our hearts."

Lenny Kravitz writes, "Yes! Let Love Rule brother!"

One person shares, "THIS is what using your platform is meant to achieve! This was life changing and powerful and inspiring and motivational. It’s this type of energy & work that social media is at its best. This is reconciliation work! You are helping us to grow closer and closer to what true reconciliation can be. I think of what it truly means to have an entire audience cheering you on when you are in a position, as these men are, at this time of their lives. THANK YOU!"

Someone else chimes in, "I just got goosebumps. Wow the end singer. They are never going to forget the opportunity both you and the sheriff gave them."

This truly is something these men will never forget, but the audience will also never forget it. Jelly Roll loudly and boldly proclaimed that prisoners are worth the effort to redeem by taking a chance and putting them on stage. This moment will be forever imprinted in the minds of the inmates and others, encouraging growth and life changes.

The many faces of an empath.

A few years ago I had an office job where I sat in a row of cubicles with about a dozen other people. One morning when a coworker walked into the office to start his day, a feeling of dread bubbled up from my subconscious. He was angry and I wasn’t going to be able to escape his feelings.

His desk was about 10 feet from mine and like waves, I could feel his emotions seeping into my body. He wasn’t bothering anyone and was always pleasant to me, but I knew he was angry about something deep down, and I could feel it.

As far as I knew, no one else in the office was having the same experience that I was. I was the only person who found it emotionally exhausting to be in the same room as this person.

I wasn’t sure what to make of this bizarre, unintentional attachment to the emotional states of others until I was listening to a podcast featuring Dr. Drew Pinksy where he mentioned that he was “an emotional sponge” who sucks up other people’s emotions and referred to it as being an “empath.”

That powerful revelation struck me in two ways. I realized that I was probably an empath as well and that I experience emotions differently than others. "One of the hardest things about being an empath is learning not everyone is,” Hannah Ewens at Vice wrote.

PsychAlive describes being an empath as exhausting at times, but not without its benefits.

“Empaths are highly sensitive individuals, who have a keen ability to sense what people around them are thinking and feeling. … often to the point of taking on the pain of others at their own expense,” PsychAlive says.

“On the bright side, empaths tend to be excellent friends,” PsychAlive continues. “They are superb listeners. They consistently show up for friends in times of need. They are big-hearted and generous. Empaths also tend to be highly intuitive and emotionally intelligent.”

via Pexels

As I started to look into the idea that I may be an empath, I began to consider the emotional sway my wife has over me. If she is stressed or tired, it makes me uncomfortable because I cannot escape her emotional state. It’s not that she’s overly emotional, but that I lack the force field that shields me from people’s emotional states, especially people close to me.

That’s why I get a huge feeling of relief when my wife transitions from being in a negative mood to a positive one. But, on the other hand, she doesn’t seem to be swayed one way or the other by my emotional state. It’s not that she’s callous, it’s just that she has a healthy emotional distance from me.

The problem is that it's nearly impossible to explain what this feels like to someone who isn’t an empath, and attempting to do so makes me seem a little unstable. So I keep these disturbances to myself, which probably isn’t healthy.

Caroline Van Kimmenade, who runs courses for empaths who want to understand their power, explained what it’s like to be an empath. "It's like a football match where everyone gets hyped up and starts waving and then the mob things start sweeping you up, and you barely know you're doing it," she explained.

"We can all experience that, but it doesn't mean you're an empath. But for an empath, it's that multiplied and applied to everything all of the time. Empaths are constantly in a giant football stadium where they're reacting to bigger things going on from all directions,” said Van Kimmenade.

When I realized I was an empath it helped me make sense of a part of myself that always felt contradictory. I am a person who has no problem being alone for long periods of time, but I’m also totally comfortable in social situations.

Tod Perry's solitary workspace.

via Upworthy

I work for Upworthy as a writer and the host of its podcast, “Upworthy Weekly,” and do it all from home. Honestly, I love being alone all day because I have a lot more power over my own emotional state than when I'm in an office getting bombarded by other people’s “stuff.”

I also enjoy going to movies, concerts and bars alone, too.

On the other hand, I am an extrovert who’s very comfortable in social situations. Empaths can be very social people because they have the superpower of being attuned to others' emotions and they have a great intuition for other people. We are experts at reading the room and are great at relating to all sorts of people.

Dr. Judith Orloff, the author of “The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People,” says that extroverted empaths “crave the dopamine rush from lively events. In fact, they can’t get enough of it.”

One of the strangest things about being an empath is having a heightened sense of smell. My sense of smell is so keen that I can’t wear cologne because I never go nose blind to the scent and it’ll bother me the whole night. The same goes for scented lotions. The interesting thing is that this isn’t just in my head; researchers have found that the part of the brain that recognizes emotions overlaps with the brain areas associated with smell.

So what causes someone to be an empath?

“It can be both nature and nurture. Some empaths are born empaths the minute they come out of the womb they are these sensitive creatures feeling the world with the palm of their hands,” Dr. Orloff told Upworthy.

Dr. Orloff says that research shows empaths have different brain chemistry.

“Research is suggesting that the mirror neuron system in the brain is on overdrive with empaths—meaning their compassion is hyperactive versus narcissists who have hypo-active mirror neurons and empathy deficient disorder,” Orloff said.

Orloff adds that even though men and women are both empaths, it can be harder for men to come to terms with their sensitivity. She runs an empath support community where men are much more reluctant to share.

“When the men do share, they express the shame about being sensitive, how it isn't masculine and how they were bullied as children and made to feel ashamed to be crybabies rather than beautiful sensitive beings,” Orloff told Upworthy.

I had never heard of the term empath until about five years ago, but after coming to the realization that I probably am one and learning about the positive and negative aspects of this psychological trait, I feel that I’ve become better at navigating my emotional life. I'm getting better at seeing the difference between my emotions and those of others and making sense of the difference.

On the positive side, I’ve developed greater trust in my own intuition knowing that, as an empath, when I get a sense about someone, I should go with it because there’s a good chance I’m right. I’ve also learned to be less judgmental of those around me who I think aren’t as sensitive as they should be. They’re just not experiencing life the same way.


This article originally appeared 2 years ago.

Science

43 monkeys escaped from a lab and are playfully enjoying their freedom

These unexpected escapees appear to be living their best lives just outside the facility.

Horshadeep Saikia

A representative image of a young rhesus macaques as it enjoys its time in a tree

If you were told that monkeys involved in genetic research had escaped a facility run by a company called Alpha Genesis, you might be forgiven for thinking it was the plot of a new sci-fi horror movie. But that's the reality in Yemassee, South Carolina, where 43 young rhesus macaques have been playfully exploring the area around their research facility since they escaped on November 6, 2024. So far, the monkeys are making the most of their freedom, and their joyful antics are winning hearts across town and online.

According to the Yemassee Police Department, the primates appear to be in a playful mood, sticking close to the Alpha Genesis Primate Research Facility’s perimeter fence and “exhibiting calm and playful behavior.” Locals are advised to keep their doors and windows shut, but authorities emphasize that these young escapees pose no risk to public health and are free of diseases. Meanwhile, Alpha Genesis staff members are doing their best to coax the monkeys back, offering food and monitoring them closely, though the monkeys don’t seem in any hurry to return.


A lighthearted escape draws smiles and raises questions

The monkeys’ escape from Alpha Genesis, a research facility housing around 6,000 primates, is an unexpected adventure for the community—and for the monkeys themselves, who were caught in a “playground-like” environment, according to CEO Greg Westergaard. “They’re just being goofy monkeys jumping back and forth, playing with each other,” Westergaard told CBS News. The breakout happened after a caretaker accidentally left a door unlatched, giving these curious macaques a chance for some unscheduled fun.

"They’re just being goofy monkeys jumping back and forth, playing with each other."

— Greg Westergaard

On Reddit, the story has sparked plenty of reactions, blending humor with a dash of skepticism about Alpha Genesis and its track record. “I definitely trust a biotech company named Alpha Genesis,” quipped one user. Many joked about the seemingly sci-fi nature of the scenario, with Cardie1303 saying, “I’m pretty sure I watched this movie…” and Neat-Detective-9818 adding, “Planet of the Apes. And so it begins.”

One Redditor pointed out the financial and logistical strain this escape could cause, estimating that the “half a million dollars’ worth” of monkeys would create serious setbacks for the facility. Meanwhile, H_Salams reflected on the work awaiting the person responsible for reporting the breakout to the USDA and OLAW, commenting, “I’d hate to be the one to write that report.” Another commenter who works with primates highlighted just how many safety protocols are typically in place, noting that such an escape could only happen through “gross negligence.”

"I’d hate to be the one to write that report to OLAW and USDA."

— @H_Salams

It’s worth noting that this isn’t the first time Alpha Genesis has had monkeys slip through its fences. The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) fined the facility $12,600 in 2018 for a series of incidents between 2014 and 2016, including a breakout of 26 monkeys in 2014, most of whom were returned within 48 hours. In another incident, one monkey escaped and was never found. This history of escapes has brought scrutiny to the company and renewed criticism from animal welfare advocates.

Ongoing concerns from animal rights activists

A young Macaque in a tree.A young Macaque in a tree.Dr. Raju Kasambe

Animal rights groups have kept a close eye on Alpha Genesis, with the Ohio-based organization Stop Animal Exploitation NOW! (SAEN) among the facility’s most vocal critics. SAEN’s Executive Director Mike Budkie has called for greater accountability, arguing that the USDA’s fines don’t go far enough to ensure proper containment and animal safety. Budkie, whose organization uses official records to track animal facility violations, contends that Alpha Genesis’s penalties should have been closer to $370,000 given the history of incidents.

“We’re not going away, we do not intend to let this issue rest.”

— Mike Budkie

While the monkeys’ current escape might seem lighthearted, it brings up larger ethical questions about the facility and animal research in general. The monkeys at Alpha Genesis are bred for biomedical research, particularly in immunology, and animal rights activists argue for more oversight or alternatives that could reduce animal testing. The USDA inspects Alpha Genesis regularly, and Westergaard claims that the facility has been compliant with federal standards in recent years.

Will the playful macaques go home?

As the weekend continued, Alpha Genesis staff kept a close watch on the monkeys, hoping to usher them back to safety. The macaques have been happily socializing with their peers inside the facility, cooing and calling to one another from the fence line. It seems these young escapees are content to make the most of their little adventure.

For now, residents are advised to keep their windows and doors closed just in case a curious monkey decides to visit. Alpha Genesis’s runaway troop may serve as a reminder of the curiosity and spirit of animals—and the responsibilities of the humans entrusted with their care. Whether or not the macaques’ adventure continues into the week, it’s been a story that’s offered locals a smile and invited broader reflection on how we interact with our primate relatives.

Americans voting in the 2024 election

The 2024 election was an emotional rollercoaster for millions of Americans. Those who voted for Trump have reason to celebrate, while those who supported Harris or a third-party candidate are probably deflated and need a while to recover emotionally.

The election was notable because there was a significant shift in voters from the Democratic to the Republican ticket over the 2020 election. So many people may now find themselves on opposite ends of the aisle with friends or loved ones with whom they previously agreed.

A lot of folks have to deal with the fact that their friends or family members voted differently than them, and, honestly, it can sting a bit, especially when hot-button issues are on the table, such as women’s rights, immigration, the economy, health care, LGBTQ rights and more.

2024 election, mental health, trump, harrisA woman displaying her "I voted" stickervia Flickr/Bethraebel

Regardless of who you voted for, you may feel a twinge of animosity toward a loved one who chose someone different and may not be sure how to get over your feelings. Upworthy spoke with Jessica McCarthy, Psy.D., a clinical neuropsychologist, clinical psychologist and certified school psychologist, to help our readers repair their relationships after the election.

McCarthy is also the Founder and Clinical Director of Elements Psychological Services.

“What’s interesting is that regardless of the political spectrum, people’s emotions are the same—frustrated, angry, passionate, betrayed, dismayed, scared, hopeful, determined, bewildered,” McCarthy told Upworthy. “People’s personal values and viewpoints are something that they hold near and dear to them—and if it’s a deal-breaker issue, the reactions are more extreme in scale if the opposing view is from a loved one.”

In the aftermath of the election, you may want to distance yourself from the people who voted differently than you, and McCarthy believes that’s acceptable. However, it would be best to communicate how you’re feeling, instead of mysteriously dropping out of their lives without notice.

“Sometimes, people need space to sit and process—this, again, can be done through communicating about readiness and willingness to connect,” McCarthy told Upworthy. “Space and silence should never be weaponized in a relationship, but that need for space can also be honored in a way through effective communication about limits and when both parties can reconvene and communicate.”

2024 election, mental health, trump, harrisA man displaying her "I voted" sticker.via Jimmy Zo/Flickr

Instead of disappearing from your friends’ lives altogether, text them, saying, “I need time to sort through my emotions after the election. I'm looking forward to talking with you when I am ready.”

McCarthy says that maintaining relationships with people you disagree with can be challenging because people need to have their viewpoints heard. It can be stifling for people to feel forced to keep their mouths shut around loved ones.

However, some relationships can thrive when firm rules of engagement are in place. For example, you and your friend can agree that you shouldn’t talk about politics to preserve the relationship.

“I have plenty of patients in my practice who have friends who have differing stances in the aforementioned areas, and the health of the relationship is determined by the ‘rules of engagement’—either directly or indirectly agreed upon rules that serve as guidelines for how to navigate these topics (and often, it’s agreed upon not to discuss them),” McCarthy says. “These relationships work because there is tremendous value and enjoyment in other areas of the relationship from which both parties mutually benefit.”

There’s nothing wrong with feeling let down by a loved one who voted differently in the election. People’s political views are closely tied to their moral values, so it’s understandable to have big emotions over people you love making a different value judgment. The key to keeping the relationship going on a new, healthy path is to share how you feel, listen to your loved ones and agree on the best path forward. “Anytime there has been a rupture in a relationship, there needs to be communication as to how to proceed and what repair might look like,” McCarthy says.