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Widow who lost her husband soon after marriage shares valuable lessons about grief

#1: "Moving on" is a fallacy.

grief, losing a husband, marriage
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A grieving widow shares lessons on how to live after loss.

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Prudential

This article originally appeared on 02.14.17


Amelia and Manny made clear plans when they got married.

They planned to travel around the world. They planned what they’d want their family and their futures to look like. It was all so normal and real.

And then something they couldn't have planned for happened: Manny unexpectedly passed away soon after they'd tied the knot.


When the doctor in the emergency room told Amelia that it was time to say goodbye, she was in disbelief. "How do you even do that?" she wondered.

Instead of being a young, happy newlywed, Amelia became a young, grieving widow.

It turned her life upside down. In the months that followed, she could barely wake up and get out of bed, let alone put on clothes and walk to work. Every day felt harder than the last while the world continued on around her.

"I wanted so painfully for everything to just stop," Amelia said in an interview for Prudential's Masterpiece of Love series. "I was so tired. I just wanted it to stop." But it didn't stop. Life kept going and so did she, at times reluctantly.

Amelia has come out on the other side of the most difficult journey she could have imagined, and it's taught her a lot about herself, the grieving process, and how often life doesn't go as planned.

In hopes of helping others, Amelia wrote down eight things she learned about living after loss:

1. "Moving on" is a fallacy. Amelia prefers to call it "moving forward."

"Moving on" implies letting your person go, and that's an unrealistic expectation, Amelia wrote.

"Instead, you simply swim through it until the water clears up a little more, until the profundity of the depth is less terrifying, and until it feels a little easier, because you've gotten good at swimming."

Skydiving helped Amelia to commemorate the six-month anniversary of Manny's passing. "I guess some part of me felt like I could get closer to Manny somehow by stepping into the sky," she said.

2. "Try to remain open to life."

Amelia took a chance and met someone again who turned out to be a wonderful man. Having your heart broken again after loss is a nasty slap in the face, she wrote, but you should not let it shut you down.

"Practice kindness and graciousness when others are kind to you," she said, "and compassion when they aren't. That's a good practice for any relationship,."

3. Hers is not a "success story."

The peaceful person Amelia is today has "clawed, gasped, screamed and survived." She fell in love again and had a child, but those are not successes she can claim. She says that getting to raise her baby has been a wonderful blessing, and new life gives loss slightly more perspective. Every day, as her baby learns, she is reminded that life continues.

4. This is a big one: "Release any hostility or jealousy."

"Friends will get married and have children, celebrate anniversaries and successes, all while you are alone in the dark," she wrote. "They will forget to be sensitive to your heartache, or think that you're 'over it' enough so you won't mind if they gush. They might think that it's easier for you to show up with a smile than it really is. Let that go, too."

People are going to say the wrong things. They will say unbelievably tone-deaf things. It's important to not take hurtful words to heart, as hard as that can be. She advises trying to imagine a time when it will be easier to be happy for others again without feeling heartache yourself. Doing this will be healing.

5. "It will take longer than you expect."

Amelia wrote, "Because it doesn't go away, or stop, and because you don't get over it, that old heartache keeps creeping up long after you thought it should have gotten easier. Be compassionate with yourself. Life is not a round trip voyage; why should your grieving process be? You will get better at navigating the new normal."

6. "Only you know what you're really going through."

Amelia points to how well-meaning people will come out of the woodwork, desperate to tell you about when their somebody died, for three reasons:

One, they want to be helpful. Two, society shuns them from talking about their lost loved one and they want you to be a person whom they can commiserate with. Three, see number one.

Some people will say helpful things. But every grief is different. Every relationship is different. Every person who has passed is different, and every grieving person is different. If you grieve in your own way, you're doing it right.

7. "The right partner will actively keep the memory alive with you."

"Be careful not to get so swept up in escaping your grief that you choose someone who wants you to get over it," she wrote. "Don't you dare let anyone take your grief from you."

The right partner will hold your hand on the anniversaries (if that's what you want), will wish that they could have met your person, and will admire how you still love that person today.

8. And finally: "You can do this."

"There may be times you're pretty sure I'm wrong on this point," she wrote. "That's ok, rest when it's too hard. Find something — anything — and hang on like hell. These peaks and valleys gradually get less steep. It takes a long time, but they do. And there is sunshine again out there somewhere."

As many of us know, life often doesn't go according to plan.

It's still hard for Amelia every single day. But she says it also makes her experience things on a deeper level. Whether it’s raindrops on her skin or the feeling of breath going in and out of her lungs, everything is more vivid.

She says Manny's passing has a lot to do with that; he reminds her that every single day is a gift.

This article originally appeared on 02.14.17

Can you grow vegetables in a cardboard box?

In the era of supermarkets and wholesale clubs, growing your own food isn't a necessity for most Americans. But that doesn't mean it's not a good idea to try.

A household garden can be a great way to reduce your grocery bill and increase your intake of nutrient-dense foods. It can also be a good source of exercise and a hobby that gets you outside in the sunshine and fresh air more often. However, not everyone has a yard where they can grow a garden or much outdoor space at all where they live. You can plant things in containers, but that requires some upfront investment in planters.

container garden, growing plants in containers, growing vegetables, homegrown, producePotted plants and herbs can thrive in a container garden.Photo credit: Canva

Or does it? Gardener James Prigioni set out to see if an Amazon shipping box would hold up as a planter for potatoes. He took a basic single-walled Amazon box, lined it with dried leaves to help with moisture retention, added four to five inches of soil (his own homegrown soil he makes), added three dark red seed potatoes, covered them with more soil, added a fertilizer, then watered them.

He also planted a second, smaller Amazon box with two white seed potatoes, following the same steps.

Two weeks later, he had potato plants growing out of the soil. Ten days after that, the boxes were filled with lush plants.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Prigioni explained how to "hill" potato plants when they grow tall enough, which helps encourage more tuber growth and protect the growing potatoes from sunlight. Hilling also helps support the plants as they grow taller so they don't flop over. He also added some mulch to help keep the plants cooler as the summer grew hotter.

After hilling, Prigioni only needed to keep up with watering. Both varieties of potatoes flowered, which let him know the tubers were forming. The red potato leaves developed some pest issues, but not bad enough to need intervention, while the white potato plants were unaffected. "It goes to show how variety selection can make a big difference in the garden," he explained.

The visible plants have to start dying before you harvest potatoes, and Prigioni checked in with the boxes themselves when they got to that point.

vegetable garden, growing potatoes, grow potatoes in a cardboard box, Amazon box, farmingFreshly harvested potatoes are so satisfying.Photo credit: Canva

"I am pleasantly surprised with how well the boxes held up," he said, especially for being single-walled boxes. The smaller box was completely intact, while the larger box had begun to split in one corner but not enough to affect the plants' growth. "This thing was completely free to grow in, so you can't beat that," he pointed out.

Prigioni predicted that the red potatoes grown in the larger box would be more productive. As he cut open the box and pulled potatoes from the larger box, they just kept coming, ultimately yielding several dozen potatoes of various sizes. The smaller box did have a smaller yield, but still impressive just from two potatoes planted in an Amazon box.

People often think they don't have room to grow their own food, which is why Prigioni put these potato boxes on his patio. "A lot of people have an area like this," he said.

"I will never look at cardboard boxes the same," Prigioni added. "There are so many uses for them in the garden and it's just a great free resource we have around, especially if you're ordering stuff from Amazon all the time."

cardboard box, container garden, amazon box, growing vegetables, gardeningDo you see a box or do you see a planter?Photo credit: Canva

People loved watching Prigioni's experiment and shared their own joy—and success—in growing potatoes in a similar fashion:

"I have been growing potatoes in every box I can find for several years now. I have had excellent success. I honestly think potatoes prefer cardboard. And yes, most of my boxes were from Amazon."

"I live in an upstairs apartment with a little deck and I have a container garden with containers on every single stair leading to the deck. I grow potatoes in a laundry basket. It's amazing how much food I can get from this type of garden!! Grateful."

"I literally got up and grabbed the empty boxes by our front door, the potatoes that have started to sprout, and soil i had inside and started my planting at 1am. Lol. I will take them outside today and finish. Thank you James!"

"I grew potatoes and tomatoes on my tiny balcony in Germany (in buckets and cardboard boxes). Now I have a big garden here in America. I so love to grow my own food."

"I grew sweet potatoes in cardboard boxes. It’s so much fun."

Next time you're stuck with an Amazon box that you don't have a use for, consider whether you could use it as a planter for potatoes or some other edible harvest. Gardening doesn't have to be fancy to be effective.

You can find more of gardening experiments on The Gardening Channel with James Prigioni.

Inside Edition/YouTube

Former Miss Teen Arkansas Mackenzie Scott helps single mom Kayla Jo Singleterry at nail salon.

When single mom Kayla Jo Singleterry (@miss.kaylajo) stepped into the nail salon with her newborn baby girl Hendricks Hutton, she was hoping to get a *peaceful* powder dip manicure to celebrate her birthday. But baby Hendricks had other plans.

That's when a kind stranger sitting next to her saw she was struggling with her crying baby, and offered to hold her while she finished getting her nails done. The selfless stranger turned out to be Mackenzie Scott, former Miss Teen Arkansas.

Singleterry shared an emotional video on TikTok of Scott holding and bouncing baby Hendricks. "This sweet girl noticed I was overwhelmed at the nail salon and offered to hold baby girl so I could get my nails done," she wrote in the video's caption.

@miss.kaylajo

**just uploaded a video to update you all 💕** I hope you know what a rare gem you are @Kenzis979 Turns out she was Miss Arkansas Teen USA in 2023 👸🏼 #babygirl #fyp #singlemom #babytok #baby

Little did Scott know that her kind gesture was especially meaningful on that day in particular. "You may never know how much this means to me," she added. "What you didn't know is it was for my birthday and one of the first things I've gotten done for myself since I had her. I'm forever grateful for you! The world needs more of you!"

In the comment section, viewers shared kind words for both women.

"Sometimes our village is a complete stranger😭 I love this!!" one wrote.

Another added, "This is girlhood✨😍."

One more shared, "If she isn’t a mom already, she’ll be an amazing mom in the future (if she chooses to be). I love seeing women’s natural motherly instinct kick in. Such a beautiful thing. 🥹 What a blessing."

@miss.kaylajo

This is the village everyone talks about ✨👯‍♀️ We’re beyond grateful for all the love and support from you all! Our hope is that this one act of kindness inspires others to do the same. A simple “I’m happy to help if you need a minute” can mean the world—even if they say no. Let’s make 2025 the year we love each other OUT LOUD! ❤️ The world needs more @Kenzis979 so let’s create more! 💎 Something tells me you’ll be seeing a lot more of us! 💕 #actsofkindness #babygirl #nailsalon #thevillage #fyp

In an interview with PEOPLE, Singleterry shared more details about the interaction. "I had dip powder on my nails and was trying to hold Hendricks, but I was getting it all over her sweatshirt. I was literally sweating and on the verge of tears. I just wanted to go. But I already had the dip powder on my nails when Mackenzie walked over and offered to help," she said.

Scott also told the publication that once she picked up baby Hendricks, she immediately stopped crying. For the next 45 minutes, she held her. "I’ve always loved children and enjoy babysitting, so getting to see the baby smile while her mom enjoyed getting her nails done made me so happy," Scott said.

After her nails were done, she thanked Scott for her total act of kindness towards her. The two did not exchange contact information, but later that night Scott told PEOPLE that Singleterry had found her on social media and sent her a DM, asking for permission to share their story on TikTok.

@kenziescot

THANK YOU! @Kayla Jo #babygirl #fyp #thankful #babytok #baby #kindness #onesmallactofkindness #spreadlove

"I'm a single mom. The reason I brought her is I don't have any other help," Singleterry added. "Her dad's not around. My mom was with me, and other than that, I have no one. I was so overwhelmed. It didn’t hit me until I was just laying there. I was like, 'Some random person just allowed me to do something I haven’t been able to do for myself since I had her.' "

Since then, the two women have become friends. "I have been praying for this village," Singleterry shared. "Everybody talks about it takes a village. I stayed so strong throughout my entire pregnancy with Hendricks. She has a different dad than my older daughter. I've been praying for this village that people talk about or just to have her have some other support in her life. The other day I opened my Facebook messages and Mackenzie's mom had messaged me and said, 'We are here to be your village.' And I just broke down. Oh my God. I was just so grateful. I think I made some lifelong connections for sure."

via Rob Dance (used with permission).

CEO Rob Dance holds a list of things he's "sick" of hearing from his employees.

Since the COVID-19 pandemic disrupted workplaces worldwide, there has been a greater push for improved work-life balance and many companies are taking notice. The exciting thing is that when companies become more flexible, their employees become happier and more productive. It’s a win-win for all involved.

Rob Dance, the CEO of ROCK, a technology consulting company in the UK, recently went viral for posting about his approach to work-life balance on Instagram. What, at first, appeared to be a CEO reprimanding his employees revealed a boss who knows how to get the best out of his team by treating them like adults.

The post was of Dance holding a whiteboard that reads:

Things I’m sick of hearing from my employees:

- Can I leave early today

- I’ll be late in the morning

- My child is sick, can I rush off

- I’ve got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, is that okay

- I’m going to be late back from lunch, I’ve got some things to sort.

I don’t care.

I hired you for a job and I fully TRUST you to get it done.

I don’t need you to account for every single hour.

Times have changed, and the workplace is different these days.

People are sick of being treated like children.

All that should matter is that everyone is happy, and that the work gets done.


He also shared his advice for companies on how to treat their employees. “Treat your staff like adults. That’s it, that’s the big secret,” he wrote. “Give them autonomy. Respect that they have lives outside of work. Don’t gaslight them into being grateful for not being fired every day.” Because in the end, the only thing that matters is if they get the job done. “Output should always trump hours,” he concluded.

Upworthy contacted Dance, who explained why managers still hesitate to treat their employees like adults.

“Many bosses don't trust their employees and keep extremely close tabs on them because of past experiences and a desire for control. They might believe that micromanaging ensures productivity and prevents issues,” he told Upworthy. “Additionally, the pressure to meet business targets can drive bosses to monitor employees obsessively, thinking it will lead to better outcomes. This approach, however, only undermines trust and destroys morale in the workplace. It creates a toxic environment where employees feel undervalued and stressed, leading to higher turnover rates and decreased overall performance. Instead of fostering a culture of accountability and growth, this behavior only promotes fear and resentment.”


Dance says that technology has helped drive demand for improved work-life balance.

“Mobile technology definitely started to blur the lines between one’s professional and personal life, making it tough to switch off from work,” he told Upworthy. “As a millennial leader, I've always valued work-life harmony for my staff, helping them to achieve both flexibility and finding purpose in their work.”

The ROCK CEO also has advice for employees who’d like to gain their employer’s trust.

“Always deliver quality work and aim to meet or exceed expectations. Keep communication lines open by regularly updating your manager on your progress, challenges, and successes,” he told Upworthy. “Take the initiative to go beyond basic requirements, showing your willingness to contribute more. Act with integrity by always being honest and ethical. Seek honest feedback and make tangible improvements based on it, demonstrating your commitment to growth. Finally, a big one is building positive relationships with everyone you work with, as strong connections are what help to build real trust.”

In April 2025, Dance shared some additional wisdom that highlights the power of leaders prioritizing culture. He took a photo of himself holding a whiteboard with some more wisdom that all CEOs should take to heart: "An employee who leaves for the salary might return for the culture, but if they leave because of the culture, no salary will ever bring them back."

It makes you wonder, if the money was right, which previous jobs would you go back to, and which ones would you reject?


rob dance, work-life balance, ROCK UK, bosess, pto, time off, employee complaintsCEO Rob Dance holds up a whipe board with his culture philosophy. www.linkedin.com


This article originally appeared last year.

A nurse holding a baby (left); Jars of beads (right)

Gen Zers are often made fun of for baring their hearts online and not having the same emotional compartmentalization skills as their predecessors, but as these folks enter the workplace, especially in the healthcare field, those qualities might be just what’s desperately needed.

Case and point: Jayuanna Thomas, a 25-year-old labor nurse who commemorates every birth she’s ever participated in with especially colored beads. So far, she has 211 beads in her baby bead jar.

She currently has 117 beads blue for boys, and 90 pink for girls. The there are eight yellow for the sweet babies who were “born sleeping” and are “just as important as blues and pinks." Next she has one purple, for the one time (so far) that she delivered a baby entirely alone, simply because things happened too fast. Finally, she has two green, for the “special” deliveries that touched Nurse Jay’s heart in a unique way that she’d never forget.

@jayuanna.lenee Here’s my baby jar! So thankful to be apart of so many special deliveries🥹🩵🩷💛💚 #babyjay #babybeadjar #laboranddelivery #laboranddeliverynurse #landdnurse ♬ Walking Around - Instrumental Version - Eldar Kedem

It's such a simple idea, and yet it really hit a powerful nerve among viewers, especially those with their own “yellow bead babies.”

“My daughter is someone’s yellow bead but she is forever my first pink bead.”

“As the mom of a baby born sleeping, 41 years ago, 3 weeks overdue, it was the nurse I remember all of these years. She was a bright light in a dark time.”

“My son was stillborn in 2018. The compassionate nurses really got me through it. Thank you for honoring the other stillborns. It means a lot.”

I wonder if my Angel baby is a bead in someone's jar.”

In an interview withNewsweek, Thomas shared that being an obstetrician-gynecologist (OBGYN) and delivering babies has been her dream since she was five years old.

"I never wanted to be anything else," she said. "One of my favorite parts of my job outside of being able to see life being brought into the world is sitting in my patients' rooms for HOURS getting to know them, their likes, dislikes, music preferences, what books they're reading etc."

Thomas’ deep emotional connection to her work is made all the more evident by her baby bead jar, which is not only heartwarming, but pretty revolutionary when you think about it. Our current healthcare system, among its many flaws, often focuses more on clinical care than compassionate care. Imagine if every hospital room had a similar baby bead jar, commemorating every birth for the sacred event that it is, regardless of the outcome?

labor nurse, nurse baby bead jar, baby bead jar, giving birth, nurses, healthcare, delivering babiesA pair of hands holding another pair of hands. Photo credit: Canva

Luckily, Thomas, and many nurses just like her, find their own unique ways of going against the system to humanly care in truly wonderful ways. Seems like Gen Z has a thing or two to teach us after all.

Homey D. Clown from "In Living Color."

Every generation and decade has its slang. These days, young people often use slang terms and phrases, such as “slay,” “no cap,” and “bet,” which can be hard to understand if you’re older than 25. But, of course, that’s the point. If you think these kids are unintelligible, what do you think would happen if you sent them back in time to 1992 and they had to figure out what Pauly Shore was saying in Encino Man?

Could a Gen Zer figure out what he meant when he said, “If you're edged 'cause I'm weazin' all your grindage, just chill"? Or would they know what Shore meant when he said, “The truth is, bro, life's about greasing the 'do back, buddy, and wheezin' on the buff-fest, man"? Probably not.


To help remind everyone that people in the ‘90s had their own bizarre slang, too, a Redditor named @NoahtheAttacker asked folks on the AskReddit subforum, “What’s the most ‘90s slang/phrase?” and reading the responses is like taking a time machine back to the era of Bill Clinton, neon-colored clothing, and In Living Color.

Here are 13 of the best responses, with our best attempt at explaining them to the older and younger generations.

1. "Not!"

For the uninitiated, this phrase was used to negate the sentence that came before. For example, President George Bush, who famously disliked broccoli, would say, "I love broccoli," then pause for two seconds, and say, "Not!" You must say "not" in a very obnoxious way. Or, in the song "Wayne's World Theme" from the Wayne's World soundtrack, Mike Myers and Dana Carvey sing, "The right to party is a battle we have fought / But we'll surrender and go Amish... Not!"

Here's Borat trying to understand the intricacies of the "Not" joke.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com



2. "Talk to the hand"

The complete line of this phrase is, "Talk to the hand because the face don't give a damn" and it was used in the '90s to aggressively turn down a request. For instance, if someone you didn't like asked you for a date, you would put your palm up in a stop position and say, "Talk to the hand," which means stop there; I'm not listening.

3. "All that and a bag of chips"

This phrase was used when referring to someone who excels at a specific activity, such as playing football or rapping. It's also used to refer to someone very attractive, as in the title of the 1999 film, She's All That, starring Rachel Leigh Cook. The "bag of chips" was added later to take things up a notch and make them even better, much like the addition of some Doritos on the side of your Subway sandwich.


4. "Mad"

Now, if you're a Gen Zer, you may think that adding the term "mad" to something means it's angry. On the contrary, to say someone is "mad hungry" means they are very hungry. If you are mad rich, then you are wealthier than Uncle Phil on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. If you have "mad skills," that means that you excel at a specific task.

5. "As if"

"As if" is a shorter way of saying, "As if I would ever..." Here's an example: "You want me to choose those '80s Jordache jeans over these sweet Z Cavaricci pants? As if." Or, "You think that I would choose to date Tiffani Amber Thiessen over Pamela Anderson? As if." To take things up a notch, you could add a "whatever" after the "as if" to really drive the point home.


6. "Word"

"Word" is a simple way to confirm something someone else had said. "You like that new bar-b-que burger at Carl's Jr.?" you'd ask your friend, and they would respond with "Word," meaning "yes." To make it even more emphatic, say, "Word up!" or to be super affirmative, "Word to your mother!"

7. "Homey don’t play dat"

"Homey don't play dat" was the catchphrase of Herman Simpson, aka Homey D. Clown, a bitter and hostile convict with a never-ending community service sentence, on TV's sketch show, In Living Color. Whenever a child on the show would ask Homey to do something clownish, he would respond, "Homey Don't play dat," and then whop the kid over the head with a sock containing a tennis ball inside. Colloquially, it was used to turn down people's requests. For example, if someone asked if you could work late on your shift at Musicland, you could respond, "Homey don't play dat."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com


8. "Whatever"

"Whatever" is one of the most popular phrases of the '90s, and it perfectly encapsulates the Gen X mindset. It means, "I'm not impressed," "screw off," and "I don't care." It's a great way to blow someone off without having to provide a reason why.


- YouTubewww.youtube.com


9. "Tight!"

This is a great term that remains relevant today, referring to something truly exceptional. If you perfectly execute or agree with what someone is saying, you say "tight." For example, if someone asked you, "Hey! You want to get a Pizazz pizza at Taco Bell?" You'd respond with, "Tight." Or another use would be, "Did you see Arrested Development on Arsenio Hall last night? They were so tight."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com


10. Cowabunga, dude

"Cowabunga" is a 1960s surfer slang term that gained mainstream popularity in the 1990s after being popularized by Bart Simpson and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It basically means, "that's great" or "go for it!"

11. "Extreme"

In the 1990s, extreme sports were huge, whether that meant bungee jumping or wing suiting off the top of a mountain. Therefore, anything that was particularly intense, whether it was soda with a fierce flavor or nachos that were loaded higher than usual, was called extreme. Vanilla Ice's debut album, featuring the song "Ice Ice Baby," was called To the Extreme.

12. Da bomb

If something is really incredible, it's "da bomb." For example, you'd say, "Ahhh man, the new chili cheese fries at 7-11 are da bomb." Additionally, to make things more fun, you could say they were "the bomb diggity."

13. "Psych!" or "Sike!"

This is similar to the "not!" joke referenced above. You call "psych" on something when you psyche someone out or fool them. For example, if your friend really liked a girl named Heather, you could say, "Heather was totally scamming on you at lunch today." Surprised you'd say, "really?" But then your buddy would pull the rug out from underneath you with a "Psych!" and everyone would laugh at you.