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Feminist blogger has a fool-proof response to the question, ‘Can I buy you a drink?’

It's a tricky situation.

Feminist blogger has a fool-proof response to the question, ‘Can I buy you a drink?’

"Can I buy you a drink?" is a loaded question.

It could be an innocent request from someone who's interested in having a cordial conversation. Other times, saying "yes" means you may have to fend off someone who feels entitled to spend the rest of the night with you.

In the worst-case scenario, someone is trying to take advantage of you or has a roofie in their pocket.

Feminist blogger Jennifer Dziura found a fool-proof way to stay safe while understanding someone's intentions: ask for a non-alcoholic beverage or food. If they're sincerely interested in spending some time getting to know you, they won't mind buying something booze-free.

But if it's their intention to lower your defenses, they'll throw a mild tantrum after you refuse the booze. Her thoughts on the "Can I buy you a drink?" conundrum made their way to Tumblr.

via AshleysCo / Tumblr


via AshleysCo / Tumblr

The posts caught the attention of a bartender who knows there are lot of men out there whose sole intention is to get somone drunk to take advantage.

"Most of the time, when someone you don't know is buying you a drink, they're NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality," the bartender wrote. "They're buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down."

So they shared a few tips on how to be safe and social when someone asks to buy you a drink.

From the other side of the bar, I see this crap all the time. Seriously. I work at a high-density bar, and let me tell you, I have anywhere from 10-20 guys every night come up and tell me to, "serve her a stronger drink, I'm trying to get lucky tonight, know what I mean?" usually accompanied with a wink and a gesture at a girl who, in my experience, is going to go from mildly buzzed to definitively hammered if I keep serving her. Now, I like to think I'm a responsible bartender, so I usually tell guys like that to piss off, and, if I can, try to tell the girl's more sober friends that they need to keep an eye on her.
But everyone- just so you know, most of the time, when someone you don't know is buying you a drink, they're NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality, they're buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down.

Tips for getting drinks-

1. ALWAYS GO TO THE BAR TO GET YOUR OWN DRINK, DO NOT LET STRANGERS CARRY YOUR DRINKS. This is an opportune time for dropping something into your cocktail, and you're none the wiser.

2.IF YOU ORDER SOMETHING NON-ALCOHOLIC, I promise you, the bartender doesn't give two shits that you're not drinking cocktails with your friends, and often, totally understands that you don't want to let your guard down around strangers. Usually, you can just tell the bartender that you'd like something light, and that's a big clue to us that you're uncomfortable with whomever you're standing next to. Again, we see this all the time.

3. If you're in a position to where you feel uncomfortable not ordering alcohol:
Here's a list of light liquors, and mixers that won't get you drunk, and will still look like an actual cocktail:

X-rated + sprite = easy to drink, sweet, and 12% alcoholic content. Not strong at all, usually runs $6-$8, depending on your state.
Amaretto + sour= sweet, not strong, 26%.
Peach Schnapps+ ginger ale= tastes like mellow butterscotch, 24%.
Melon liquor (Midori, in most bars) + soda water = not overly sweet, 21%
Coffee liquor (Kahlua) +soda = not super sweet, 20%.
Hope this helps someone out!

If you do accept a drink from someone at a bar and you want to talk, there's no need to feel obligated to spend the rest of the night with them.

Jaqueline Whitmore, founder of The Protocol School of Palm Beach, says to be polite you only have to "Engage in some friendly chit-chat, but you are not obligated to do more than that."

If someone asks to buy you a drink and you don't want it, Whitmore has a great tip. "Say thank you, but you are trying to cut back, have to drive or you don't accept drinks from strangers," Whitmore says.

What if they've already sent the drink over? "Give the drink to the bartender and tell him or her to enjoy it," Whitmore says.

Have fun. Stay safe, and make sure to bring a great wing-man or wing-woman with you.


This article originally appeared on 8.21.19

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'Wicked' author says one line in 'The Wizard of Oz' inspired Elphaba and Glinda's backstory

Gregory Maguire says he "fell down to the ground" laughing when the idea hit him.

Public domain

The two witches in "The Wizard of Oz" clearly had a history together.

Have you ever watched a movie or read a book or listened to a piece of music and wondered, "How did they come up with that idea?" The creative process is so enigmatic even artists themselves don't always know where their ideas come from, so It's a treat when we get to hear the genesis of a brilliant idea straight from the horse's mouth. If you've watched "Wicked" and wondered where the idea for the friendship between Elphaba (the Wicked Witch) and Glinda (the Good Witch) came from, the author of the book has shared the precise moment it came to him.

The hit movie "Wicked" is based on the 20-year-old hit stage musical, which is based on the novel "Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West" written by Gregory Maguire. While the musical is a simplified version of the 1995 book, the basic storyline—the origin story of the two witches from "The Wizard of Oz"—lies at the heart of both. In an interview with BBC, Maguire explained how Elphaba and Glinda's friendship popped into his head.

 

Maguire was visiting Beatrix Potter's farm in Cumbria, England, and thinking about "The Wizard of Oz," which he had loved as a child and thought could be an interesting basis for a story about evil.

"I thought 'alright, what do we know about 'The Wizard of Oz' from our memories,'" he said. "We have the house falling on the witch. What do we know about that witch? All we know about that witch is that she has feet. So I began to think about Glinda and the Wicked Witch of the West…

 glinda, elphaba, wicked,  In "Wicked," the two Oz witches met as students at Shiz University.  Giphy GIF by Wicked 

"There is one scene in the 1939 film where Billie Burke [Glinda the Good Witch] comes down looking all pink and fluffy, and Margaret Hamilton [the Wicked Witch of the West] is all crawed and crabbed and she says something like, 'I might have known you'd be behind this, Glinda!' This was my memory, and I thought, now why is she using Glinda's first name? They have known each other. Maybe they've known each other for a long time. Maybe they went to college together. And I fell down onto the ground in the Lake District laughing at the thought that they had gone to college together."

In "Wicked," Glinda and the Wicked Witch, Elphaba, meet as students at Shiz University, a school of wizardry. They get placed as roommates, loathe each other at first, but eventually become best friends. The story grows a lot more complicated from there (and the novel goes darker than the stage play), but it's the character development of the two witches and their relationship with one another that force us to examine our ideas about good and evil.

  - YouTube  youtu.be  

 

Maguire also shared with the Denver Center for Performing Arts what had inspired him to use the "Wizard of Oz" characters in the first place.

"I was living in London in the early 1990’s during the start of the Gulf War. I was interested to see how my own blood temperature chilled at reading a headline in the usually cautious British newspaper, the Times of London: 'Sadaam Hussein: The New Hitler?' I caught myself ready to have a fully formed political opinion about the Gulf War and the necessity of action against Sadaam Hussein on the basis of how that headline made me feel. The use of the word Hitler – what a word! What it evokes! When a few months later several young schoolboys kidnapped and killed a toddler, the British press paid much attention to the nature of the crime. I became interested in the nature of evil, and whether one really could be born bad. I considered briefly writing a novel about Hitler but discarded the notion due to my general discomfort with the reality of those times. But when I realized that nobody had ever written about the second most evil character in our collective American subconscious, the Wicked Witch of the West, I thought I had experienced a small moment of inspiration. Everybody in America knows who the Wicked Witch of the West is, but nobody really knows anything about her. There is more to her than meets the eye."

 wizard of oz, wicked witch of the west The Wicked Witch of the West has a story of her own.  Giphy  

Authors and artists—and their ideas—help hold a mirror up to humanity for us to see and reflect on who we are, and "Wicked" is one of those stories that makes us take a hard look at what we're seeing in that mirror. Thanks, Gregory Maguire, for launching us on a collective journey that not only entertains but has the potential to change how we see one another.

This story originally appeared last year.

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Grandparents create next-level at-home 'summer camp' for their visiting grandkids

Now we all wanna stay at Camp OmaPapa.

Photo credit: Canva

Who doesn't wanna stay at Camp OmaPapa?!

In a sea of unsavory stories featuring toxic, uninvolved grandparents out there on the interwebs, stories like this feel all the more uplifting and wholesome.

Enter Paula, or “Oma,” as she’s affectionately known as by her grandkids. In a clip posted to TikTok, we learn that she and her husband, “Papa”, not only agreed to watch the grandchildren—aged 5, 4 and 2— for nine days while their adult children celebrated their anniversary, they fill the stay with fun activities in a project they aptly named “Camp OmaPapa.”

Seriously, no stone was left unturned while dreaming up this next-level camp. To stoke some excitement, Paula had mailed the kiddos an official invitation to Camp Oma Papa, telling them what to bring and what type of activities to look forward to.

 
 @pbev12 Camp OmaPapa begins✨ #summercamp #campomapapa #oma #papa #grandkids #welcomecampers ♬ Soft and minimal instrumental music(1259336) - MaxRecStudio 
 
 


The carefully curated list of activities (ice cream on Sunday, zoo on Wednesday, scooter ride on Monday, etc.) lived on one wall, while another hall had a single blue frame out of painter’s tape that would feature that day’s schedule—providing a perfect balance of structure and free play that all kids need, even in the summertime.

They even created official Camp OmaPapa shirts for their little campers, along with a ”Welcome to Camp OmaPapa” ushering them in. How cute is that?! Talk about going all out.

Needless to say, viewers were impressed…if not a little jealous.

“They don’t make grandparents like this anymore, ” noted one person

“As a mom with no village this is amazing, our kids and grandkids are lucky to have you,” lamented another.

Still a third wrote, “My parents have never even taken my kids out for an ice cream cone. This is so awesome.”

In a response to the aforementioned comment, Paula reveals that her own kids had grandparents that “didn’t want anything to do with them,“ which taught her what kind of grandparent she didn’t want to be.

However, several others chimed in with similar “camps” created by other similarly awesome grandparents.

“Yes! My mom and I do this every year but it’s ‘cousin camp.’ We all look forward to it every year!"

“My mom has a ‘bidi bootcamp.’ Originally it was because every time the grands went to bidi’s house they learned something new. Potty training, paci withdrawal, bottle to cup, etc…The name ‘bidi’s bootcamp’ is just for fun now.”

And of course, several were asking if Camp OmaPapa would be accepting new campers next year—kids and adults alike.

For those next-level grandparents wanting to create something like this for their own grandkids, Paula has more detailed videos breaking down what the kids did each day. Here are a few samples:

 
 @pbev12 Day 1 of Camp OmaPapa✨ #summercamp #campomapapa #oma #kazoo #pinkponyclub #babyshark #scooter #artsandcrafts #pacman ♬ Ambient Music 1 - Instrumental 
 
 


 
 @pbev12 Water Day at Camp OmaPapa✨ #summercamp #campomapapa #oma #papa #artsandcrafts #waterday #gamenight ♬ Inspirational - neozilla 
 
 


 
 @pbev12 Day 3 in the books! Stay tuned for Day 4 of Camp OmaPapa✨ #summercamp #campomapapa #columbuszoo #jerseymikes #artsandcrafts #smores #oma #papa @jerseymikes @Columbus Zoo and Aquarium ♬ Soft - The Pianist & D'Michel leb 
 
 

One important thing to note: it’s pretty evident that Camp OmaPapa isn’t just creating core memories for the kiddos, but for Oma and Papa as well. All while giving parents the village they so desperately need. All in all, it’s a pretty beautiful thing to see.

Check out more things OmaPapa-related by giving Paula a follow on TikTok.

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Dad shares the hilarious conversations he has with 5-year-old daughter and folks are cracking up

"Why do people congratulate you when Mom is making the baby?

via James Breakwell/X

All parents have had similar convos with thier kiddos.

Raising kids is tough, but there's a lot of laughs along the way. Especially when actual conversations start, as kids begin trying to make sense out of the world around them, ask questions, and test mommy and daddy's resolve.

Back in 2018, comedy writer and children's book author James Breakwell, with four daughters who were all under the age of eight at the time, shared their hilarious conversations on X. From these tweets, it looks like comedy runs in the family. Here's a sampling of some Breakwell's funniest kid-inspired tweets.

 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

While Breakwell's 7-year-old wasn't as heavily featured, when she was quoted, the sarcasm was palpable. Which makes sense, considering that kiddos begin understanding this mechanism around that age.

 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

Kids really do say the darnedest things, and we love them for it. It one of the many, many ways then bring so much joy to the world. It almost makes up for the headaches and sleepless nights, doesn't it.

This article originally appeared seven years ago.

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Video of 3 women silently watching a friend give birth has people celebrating true friendship

They didn't make a peep, but their body language said everything.

Photo credit: Canva

Nothing compares to witnessing a loved one bring a baby into the world.

Friends are one of life's most valuable treasures, and if you're fortunate enough to find a close group of friends, it's like hitting the jackpot. This is especially true during certain big life milestones, which is why a video of three women sharing a key life moment with a mutual friend has people celebrating the beauty of true friendship.

Alyana South shared the video with the caption, "This was one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever had. Being in the room with my best friends during this beautiful moment was everything. I love you guys so much! Thank you @lexigelz for allowing us to be a part of your big day!! I love him soooo much!!!"

 childbirth, giving birth, having a baby, newborn baby Getting to witness a baby come into the world is a gift.Photo credit: Canva

It's a genuinely powerful birth video, despite the fact that it doesn't show even one iota of the birth, the birthing mom, or the baby. All we see is the friends' reactions during the final pushes and the wee one's arrival, but that part of the story is beautiful in its own right.

The first thing we see are the friends huddled together on a sofa along the wall of a dim room. We hear voices coaching the mom, but the friends stay totally silent. Their body language, however, says it all. First, they lean over and pile on top of one another to be able to see. As the baby starts to come out, the women slap each other's legs in excitement and hold one another's hands in anticipation, and their excitement is palpable. The hands over the mouths. The smiles. The tears. They're so clearly proud of their friend, and when the baby's first cry hits, the joy is just too much.

Watch:

@alyanaksouth

This was one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever had. Being in the room with my best friends during this beautiful moment was everything. I love you guys so much! Thank you @lexigelz for allowing us to be a part of your big day!! I love him soooo much!!!

 

The comments did not disappoint.

"The way they silently watched and let mommy and daddy have their time while supporting….so beautiful!!!!!"

"The way you all were quiet but so supportive was absolutely amazing. That’s true friendship 🥀"

""They were dying but remained quiet and did not take away from the moment for their friend. This was so sweet. Made me cry."

"So quiet and respectful. What an honor// and those aunties gonna be saying for the rest of baby’s life, 'I was there when you were born…'💕💕"

"And these are your three fairy godmothers my sweet! ✨✨✨"

 flora, fauna, merryweather, fairy godmothers, disney Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather, the three fairy godmothers in Disney's "Sleeping Beauty."  Giphy  

"Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather at the birth of Aurora like…"

"The way they all pile up on each other is so sweet to me. You can tell they’ve all known each other for a very long time. This is the final phase of, “we were girls together.” Now they’re all women and their friend is a mother."

"It’s the way they silently celebrate. They slap each others leg, hold each other, don’t take from the moment from their bestie. And they’re SO proud too I love it, literally gives me goosebumps 😭❤️"

"Women are such magic! I love the adult version of girl hood. What a beautiful moment of women celebrating women!"

"Womanhood and girlhood in one video."

 four women, friendship, female relationships, womanhood Friends that are there for the big milestones carry a special place in your heart forever.Photo credit: Canva

And that's really the crux of what makes this video so viscerally beautiful. The giddiness over what they're seeing and their expression of friendship is reminiscent of girlhood, but what's they're actually experiencing is sheer womanhood. Women have supported one another through childbirth for millennia.

Friends we are close to in one season of life we may not be as close to in another, but the ones who see us through big life milestones always hold a special place in our memories and hearts. Wherever life takes these friends, this is a moment none of them will ever forget.

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Christmas tree farm miraculously finds a man's missing wedding ring 15 years after he lost it

It was like finding a needle in a haystack.

via Canva/Photos

A man's wedding ring and a Christmas tree lot.

Wayne Corprew, 61, cut down a Christmas tree at Joe’s Tree Farm, a family farm in Newport, Virginia, in December 2015, but after putting the tree in his truck, he realized that the wedding ring he bought two years before was missing.

“I went back up to where I dragged the tree to and searched there, but it wasn’t there. I went back to the truck and couldn’t find it there, so it was officially missing. The next day, I came back and brought a metal detector. There was snow on the ground, and I spent all day the next day looking for it, and nothing,” Corprew told WDBJ7.

In the event that the ring would turn up, he left a note with the then-owner, Sue Bostic, that read: “Lost wedding Ring Band. Do not throw away.” Bostic would sell the farm to her nephew, Darren Gilreath, and his wife, Samantha, in 2019. But, according to The Washington Post, Bostic told them never to throw the note away. “This is important,” she recalled telling Darren. “If you ever find this ring, you need to keep this.”

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

By the summer of 2011, Corprew gave up on finding the ring and purchased another wedding band. Two years later, the ring lost a significant amount of sentimental value after he got divorced.

Last June, Darren Gilreath was tilling soil on the farm to plant some corn when he dug up an old wedding ring. “As I’m planting corn, I’m walking through the rows, and I see this wedding band lying on the top of the ground. I said, ‘That looks like a wedding band’, so I reached down and picked it up, and sure enough, it was this nice little gold band that was just lying in the dirt,” Samantha told WDBJ7.

Just to think, if they tilled the soil a few inches to one side or the other, the ring would have remained buried, possibly forever.

 


The Gilreaths remembered the old note that their aunt told them never to throw out, and they called Corprew, who was driving for his job delivering freight. To ensure that he was the ring’s rightful owner, he recited the inscription on the inside, “WITH THIS RING I THEE WED.” Corprew could hardly believe that his tiny ring had been found on such a vast farm. “How in the world, in 50 acres of Christmas trees, you’re walking all around it, and you get a call 15 years later and they find it?” he told The Washington Post.

The next day, when Corprew returned to the farm to get his ring, the Gilreaths showed him where they had found it, and it was right where he had cut down the tree 15 years ago. Corprew was incredibly touched that the farmers kept his note and remembered to reach out to him after finding the ring. Although he's grateful to have his ring back, he likely won't be wearing it any time soon. Since remarrying in 2022, he now wears a black and blue titanium band on the finger where the lost one once sat.

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