It could be an innocent request from someone who’s interested in having a cordial conversation. Other times, saying “yes” means you may have to fend off someone who feels entitled to spend the rest of the night with you.
In the worst-case scenario, someone is trying to take advantage of you or has a roofie in their pocket.
Feminist blogger Jennifer Dziura found a fool-proof way to stay safe while understanding someone’s intentions: ask for a non-alcoholic beverage or food. If they’re sincerely interested in spending some time getting to know you, they won’t mind buying something booze-free.
But if it’s their intention to lower your defenses, they’ll throw a mild tantrum after you refuse the booze. Her thoughts on the “Can I buy you a drink?” conundrum made their way to Tumblr.
The posts caught the attention of a bartender who knows there are lot of men out there whose sole intention is to get somone drunk to take advantage.
“Most of the time, when someone you don’t know is buying you a drink, they’re NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality,” the bartender wrote. “They’re buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down.”
So they shared a few tips on how to be safe and social when someone asks to buy you a drink.
From the other side of the bar, I see this crap all the time. Seriously. I work at a high-density bar, and let me tell you, I have anywhere from 10-20 guys every night come up and tell me to, “serve her a stronger drink, I’m trying to get lucky tonight, know what I mean?” usually accompanied with a wink and a gesture at a girl who, in my experience, is going to go from mildly buzzed to definitively hammered if I keep serving her. Now, I like to think I’m a responsible bartender, so I usually tell guys like that to piss off, and, if I can, try to tell the girl’s more sober friends that they need to keep an eye on her.
But everyone- just so you know, most of the time, when someone you don’t know is buying you a drink, they’re NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality, they’re buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down.
Tips for getting drinks-
1. ALWAYS GO TO THE BAR TO GET YOUR OWN DRINK, DO NOT LET STRANGERS CARRY YOUR DRINKS. This is an opportune time for dropping something into your cocktail, and you’re none the wiser.
2.IF YOU ORDER SOMETHING NON-ALCOHOLIC, I promise you, the bartender doesn’t give two shits that you’re not drinking cocktails with your friends, and often, totally understands that you don’t want to let your guard down around strangers. Usually, you can just tell the bartender that you’d like something light, and that’s a big clue to us that you’re uncomfortable with whomever you’re standing next to. Again, we see this all the time.
3. If you’re in a position to where you feel uncomfortable not ordering alcohol:
Here’s a list of light liquors, and mixers that won’t get you drunk, and will still look like an actual cocktail:
X-rated + sprite = easy to drink, sweet, and 12% alcoholic content. Not strong at all, usually runs $6-$8, depending on your state.
Amaretto + sour= sweet, not strong, 26%.
Peach Schnapps+ ginger ale= tastes like mellow butterscotch, 24%.
Melon liquor (Midori, in most bars) + soda water = not overly sweet, 21%
Coffee liquor (Kahlua) +soda = not super sweet, 20%.
Hope this helps someone out!
If you do accept a drink from someone at a bar and you want to talk, there’s no need to feel obligated to spend the rest of the night with them.
Jaqueline Whitmore, founder of The Protocol School of Palm Beach, says to be polite you only have to “Engage in some friendly chit-chat, but you are not obligated to do more than that.”
If someone asks to buy you a drink and you don’t want it, Whitmore has a great tip. “Say thank you, but you are trying to cut back, have to drive or you don’t accept drinks from strangers,” Whitmore says.
What if they’ve already sent the drink over? “Give the drink to the bartender and tell him or her to enjoy it,” Whitmore says.
Have fun. Stay safe, and make sure to bring a great wing-man or wing-woman with you.
In a small village in Pwani, a district on Tanzania’s coast, a massive dance party is coming to a close. For the past two hours, locals have paraded through the village streets, singing and beating ngombe drums; now, in a large clearing, a woman named Sheilla motions for everyone to sit facing a large projector screen. A film premiere is about to begin.
It’s an unusual way to kick off a film about gender bias, inequality, early marriage, and other barriers that prevent girls from accessing education in Tanzania. But in Pwani and beyond, local organizations supported by Malala Fund and funded by Pura are finding creative, culturally relevant ways like this one to capture people’s interest.
The film ends and Sheilla, the Communications and Partnership Lead for Media for Development and Advocacy (MEDEA), stands in front of the crowd once again, asking the audience to reflect: What did you think about the film? How did it relate to your own experience? What can we learn?
Sheilla explains that, once the community sees the film, “It brings out conversations within themselves, reflective conversations.” The resonance and immediate action create a ripple effect of change.
MEDEA Screening Audience in Tanzania. Captured by James Roh for Pura
Across Tanzania, gender-based violence often forces adolescent girls out of the classroom. This and other barriers — including child marriage, poverty, conflict, and discrimination — prevent girls from completing their education around the world.
Sheilla and her team are using film and radio programs to address the challenges girls face in their communities. MEDEA’s ultimate goal is to affirm education as a fundamental right for everyone, and to ensure that every member of a community understands how girls’ education contributes to a stronger whole and how to be an ally for their sisters, daughters, granddaughters, friends, nieces, and girlfriends.
Sheilla’s story is one of many that inspired Heart on Fire, a new fragrance from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection that blends the warm, earthy spices of Tanzania with a playful, joyful twist. Here’s how Pura is using scent as a tool to connect the world and inspire action.
A partnership focused on local impact, on a global mission
Pura, a fragrance company that recognizes education as both freedom and a human right, has partnered with Malala Fund since 2022. In order to defend every girl’s right to access and complete 12 years of education, Malala Fund partners with local organizations in countries where the educational barriers are the greatest. They invest in locally-led solutions because they know that those who are closest to the problems are best equipped to solve and build durable solutions, like MEDEA, which works with communities to challenge discrimination against girls and change beliefs about their education.
But local initiatives can thrive and scale more powerfully with global support, which is why Pura is using their own superpower, the power of scent, to connect people around the world with the women and girls in these local communities.
The Pura x Malala Fund Collection incorporates ingredients naturally found in Tanzania, Nigeria, Pakistan, and Brazil: countries where Malala Fund operates to address systemic education barriers. Eight percent of net revenue from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection will be donated to Malala Fund directly, but beyond financial support, the Collection is also a love letter to each unique community, blending notes like lemon, jasmine, cedarwood, and clove to transport people, ignite their senses, and help them draw inspiration and hope from the global movement for girls’ education. Through scent, people can connect to the courage, joy, and tenacity of girls and local leaders, all while uniting in a shared commitment to education: the belief that supporting girls’ rights in one community benefits all of us, everywhere.
You’ve already met Sheilla. Now see how Naiara and Mama Habiba are building unique solutions to ensure every girl can learn freely and dare to dream.
Naiara Leite is reimagining what’s possible in Brazil
Julia with Odara in Brazil. Captured by Luisa Dorr for Pura
In Brazil, where pear trees and coconut plantations cover the Northeastern Coast, girls like ten-year-old Julia experience a different kind of educational barrier than girls in Tanzania. Too often, racial discrimination contributes to high dropout rates among Black, quilombola and Indigenous girls in the country.
“In the logic of Brazilian society, Black people don’t need to study,” says Naiara Leite, Executive Coordinator of Odara, a women-led organization and Malala Fund partner. Bahia, the state where Odara is based, was once one of the largest slave-receiving territories in the Americas, and because of that history, deeply-ingrained, anti-Black prejudice is still widespread. “Our role and the image constructed around us is one of manual labor,” Naiara says.
But education can change that. In 2020, with assistance from a Malala Fund grant, Odara launched its first initiative for improving school completion rates among Black, quilombola, and Indigenous girls: “Ayomidê Odara”. The young girls mentored under the program, including Julia, are known as the Ayomidês. And like the Pura x Malala Fund Collection’s Brazil: Breath of Courage scent, the Ayomidês are fierce, determined, and bursting with energy.
Ayomidês with Odara in Brazil. Captured by Luisa Dorr for Pura
Ayomidês take part in weekly educational sessions where they explore subjects like education and ethnic-racial relations. The girls are encouraged to find their own voices by producing Instagram lives, social media videos, and by participating in public panels. Already, the Ayomidês are rewriting the narrative on what’s possible for Afro-Brazilian girls to achieve. One of the earliest Ayomidês, a young woman named Debora, is now a communications intern. Another former Ayomidê, Francine, works at UNICEF, helping train the next generation of adolescent leaders. And Julia has already set her sights on becoming a math teacher or a model.
“These are generations of Black women who did not have access to a school,” Naiara says. “These are generations of Black women robbed daily of their dreams. And we’re telling them that they could be the generation in their family to write a new story.”
Mama Habiba is reframing the conversation in Nigeria
Centre for Girls' Education, Nigeria. Captured by James Roh for Pura
In Mama Habiba’s home country of Nigeria, the scents of starfruit, ylang ylang and pineapple, all incorporated into the Pura x Malala Collection’s “Nigeria: Hope for Tomorrow,” can be found throughout the vibrant markets. Like these native scents, Mama Habiba says that the Nigerian girls are also bright and passionate, but too often they are forced to leave school long before their potential fully blooms.
“Some of these schools are very far, and there is an issue of quality, too,” Mama Habiba says. “Most parents find out when their children are in school, the girls are not learning. So why allow them to continue?”
When girls drop out of secondary school, marriage is often the alternative. In Nigeria, one in three girls is married before the age of 18. When this happens, girls are unable to fulfill their potential, and their families and communities lose out on the social, health and economic benefits.
Completing secondary school delays marriage, and according to UNESCO, educated girls become women who raise healthier children, lift their families out of poverty and contribute to more peaceful, resilient communities.
Centre for Girls’ Education, Nigeria. Captured by James Roh for Pura
To encourage young girls to stay in school, the Centre for Girls’ Education, a nonprofit in Nigeria founded by Mama Habiba and supported by Malala Fund and Pura, has pioneered an initiative that’s similar to the Ayomidê workshops in Brazil: safe spaces. Here, girls meet regularly to learn literacy, numeracy, and other issues like reproductive health. These safe spaces also provide an opportunity for the girls to role-play and learn to advocate for themselves, develop their self-image, and practice conversations with others about their values, education being one of them. In safe spaces, Mama Habiba says, girls start to understand “who she is, and that she is a girl who has value. She has the right to negotiate with her parents on what she really feels or wants.”
“When girls are educated, they can unlock so many opportunities,” Mama Habiba says. “It will help the economy of the country. It will boost so many opportunities for the country. If they are given the opportunity, I think the sky is not the limit. It is the starting point for every girl.”
From parades, film screenings to safe spaces and educational programs, girls and local leaders are working hard to strengthen the quality, safety and accessibility of education and overcome systemic challenges. They are encouraging courageous behavior and reminding us all that education is freedom.
Experience the Pura x Malala Fund Collection here, and connect with the stories of real girls leading change across the globe.
A significant part of adulthood is realizing that many uncomfortable truths are indeed real, even if we wish they weren’t. At first, these harsh truths may dampen our spirits and make us feel that the world is a bit colder. However, understanding some of life’s hard lessons opens us up to greater possibilities and can help us overcome the obstacles holding us back.
Harsh truths help us realize when relationships aren’t as great as they can be. They also prevent us from having too much faith in people and institutions that will ultimately disappoint us. Knowing dark truths can also help us appreciate the things that are truly beautiful, honest, and good. A Redditor named Rare_Can_5418 asked the AskReddit forum, “What difficult truths, the sooner you accept them, the better your life will be?” and received over 6,500 responses. Many of them were centered around harsh truths about relationships and the fact that even if we do our best in life, we can still end up with the short end of the stick.
The key is to keep going and never let failure get you down.
Here are 15 of the “difficult truths” that made people’s lives a lot better.
1. Stop comparing yourself
“There will always be someone better looking, better educated, younger, more experienced, more intelligent or wealthier than you. Do your best, live without regret, have empathy and kindness, give when you can, expecting nothing in return. Focus on your heart value more than what others have.”
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Research shows we have a tendency to compare ourselves to highly visible and highly skilled people, which makes us feel worse. We wonder why we can’t cook as well as our foodie friend or why we’re not as organized and put-together as our Type A neighbor. No wonder comparisons make us feel like crap!
“You can be sweetest, juiciest peach on the tree. But some people don’t like peaches.”
“In Spanish, there’s a saying: ‘Nadie es moneda de oro para que lo quiera todo el mundo,’ which translates to something like nobody is a gold coin to be liked/wanted by everyone else.”
Worrying too much about making everyone like you is a quick path to becoming a people pleaser, an impossible task that takes a serious toll on your mental health.
3. Things are just things
“They don’t have feelings. They don’t care if you give them away or sell them or throw them out. If a thing is useful, keep it. If not, get rid of it.”
Psychologists refer to perceiving that inanimate objects have feelings as anthropomorphizing. Psych Central says that humans project feelings onto objects to relate to them more deeply. “People generally anthropomorphize to make sense of events and behaviors they experience. Further, attributing emotions, attitudes, mental states, faces, and values to non-human things can help you feel connected to something,” Sarah Barkley writes in a PhD-reviewed article.
“Surprisingly though, the ones that last are not necessarily the best (or even good) ones.”
“Most friendships are based on convenience, I’ve found. Unless two people are willing to put in a lot of effort, time and distance will do more to end a friendship than any disagreement.”
It’s natural and OK to outgrow friendships. If you’ve put in a solid effort and it’s not working the way it used to, being comfortable with letting the relationship go will do wonders for your guilt and stress levels.
5. You may be the bad guy
“You can do your best with someone and still be the villain in their story.”
“One of my current favourite memes is: I don’t care if I’m the villain in your story, you’re the clown in mine.”
The truth is we’re all just people doing our best, even the people who have wronged you.
You might be the villain in someone’s story. Giphy
6. You can’t change people
“You can only help people who actually want it. If they’re not ready to change or put in the effort, there’s not much you can do. Realizing this can save you a lot of frustration and help you focus on people who actually appreciate your help.”
“It’s always tough having those friends who are constantly complaining but doing nothing to address what they are complaining about. But as an adult, you just have to sit there and listen. No point in offering help to someone who isn’t asking for it. Kinda like how it’s really tough to teach someone who isn’t interested in being taught.”
Expecting others to change is bound to lead to disappointment. There’s a saying that goes, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” Hoping and wishing and working to make them somewhere else, more often than not, gets you nowhere.
7. How we judge ourselves and others
“We judge ourselves by our intentions. We judge others by their actions.”
“In psychology, this is called fundamental attribution error.”
The Fundamental Attribution Error is a psychological phenomenon where we assume someone’s actions reflect their personality without considering the situation. It’s like when we blame someone’s driving skills for being in an accident instead of the curvy road.
We judge others differently than how we judge ourselves. Giphy
8. Depending on people
“Once you’re an adult, there really isn’t anyone you can 100% depend on except yourself. There will still be people in your life to lean on, but everyone has their limits in how they can help you.”
Perhaps one of the harshest truths of all, but once you accept it, the path forward becomes extremely clear. It’s up to you to make everything happen, and there’s really no one else to blame if you don’t.
9. Nice doesn’t equal good
“Nice people aren’t always good people.”
“One of my bosses doesn’t greet/make small talk and is known for being quite firm. He’s been the most helpful throughout my most difficult period dealing with tragedy. Some people with that personality type simply get things done when you need them done without the chattering.”
Niceness can even be toxic when it’s not coming from a place of genuine authenticity. Sometimes hard conversations and conflict are necessary, and avoiding them is not healthy.
10. Everything is temporary
“You can suddenly lose anything and anyone at any time…and maybe all at once or in quick succession without so much warning.”
11. Nobody is thinking about you
“In general, people in the real world are oblivious to you. You’re not even a blip on their radar. If you’re insecure about something you wear or how you look, remember: nobody cares.”
Worried about something small like how the sleeves on your shirt fit you? It’s OK if you care, but no one else will. People are far too consumed with their own lives and problems to remember the minutiae of some stranger they saw in passing. Accepting this is incredibly freeing!
Nobody is paying attention to you (and that’s a good thing). Giphy
12. No one is coming to save you
“No one is coming to save you, so you have to do it all yourself.”
“And once you internalize this and do it, your self-esteem will be through the roof.”
13. Nobody knows what they’re doing
“Before i graduated high school I thought, thank god, I finally won’t have to deal with annoying obnoxious kids and I’ll be treated like an adult, I come to find out 95% of adults are worse then the actual kids, nobody knows what they’re actually doing and life is actually a big joke.”
This realization could help cure your Imposter Syndrome. Most people are just making it up as they go along and so you shouldn’t feel ashamed of doing the same.
14. Love is reciprocal
“If a romantic interest is not giving you the same attention/respect you give them, they don’t really care about or want you, and you’re in for a world of hurt if you keep telling yourself otherwise.”
“People who are good for you will make you feel happy, joyful, accepted, cared for, and filled with fun times, despite any differences. People who are not good for you will make you feel anxious, sad, down, slighted, judged, and never check in on you if you’re not okay, and won’t even bother noticing when you’re not okay. Genuine people will never let you suffer in silence or watch you suffer. Stay away from those who make you feel negative emotions and thoughts.”
These are called harsh or hard truths for a reason. It’s human nature to feel self-conscious, feel like an imposter, try to change people, or worry if other people like us. But the more of these you can free yourself from, the better you’ll feel.
This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.
LaShonda Adams, who runs the TikTok page “I Am Chronicles of Mrs. Adams,” found herself becoming the primary caregiver for her husband after a medical emergency nearly caused her to lose him.
When a young couple says their wedding vows, they’re not thinking much about the “sickness” part. Typically in that moment, both parties are presumably healthy and an illness changing things feels like a distant possibility, not an inevitability.
Adams recently uploaded a video of herself explaining to her 48-year-old husband how he knows her. He appears confused, and Adams soon reveals why.
A couple looks at a shopping list. Photo credit: Canva
“What you’re going through is called sundowning,” Adams says gently to her husband. “It’s where you go through this space where you don’t understand, and then you get in this very confused state where you don’t understand what’s going on or where you are, or who’s around you.”
Forty-eight is young for a dementia diagnosis, but after a massive heart attack, he received life-changing news. He was without oxygen to his brain for more than 20 minutes. This form of dementia is typically not associated with the elderly. The once-vibrant man is experiencing vascular dementia.
According to the Alzheimer’s Association, “Vascular dementia is a decline in thinking skills caused by conditions that block or reduce blood flow to various regions of the brain, depriving them of oxygen and nutrients.”
The diagnosis appears to have occurred within the past two years, based on older videos. She displays a lot of patience and grace, which is melting the hearts of viewers.
“I’m your wife. Those are your kids, and you’re at home,” Adams says calmly. “You had a heart attack, baby, and you lost oxygen to the brain. When you lost oxygen to the brain, it made you lose your memory of 24 years, okay? So sometimes you remember me, sometimes you don’t. You’re having a moment. You’re going to be alright.”
He then asks her name, and she quietly responds. After clarifying that he no longer works, his wife explains that he’s off right now due to his disability. “This is the first time I’m hearing anything,” he says. “I’ve been here all day. Nobody said nothing.”
Adams reassures him that she reminds him daily, but he insists this is his first time waking up in someone else’s house. She responds with patience:
“Well, I’m here. I’m your wife, and I love you. I’m going to take care of you and make sure that you get cared for, okay? Alright? And any questions you have, or anything you want to know, I’m here to answer. Alright? We have pictures, we have memories that I can show you to kind of help.”
The Day I became Mrs.Adams The day I vowed to love for better ,for worse ,for rich ,for poor, in sickness and health ,to cherish and love til death do us part ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Mr. Adams doesn’t remember anything past the age of 24 at any given moment, but it appears his memory is most impaired when the sun starts going down. Some viewers have compared it to the movie 50 First Dates, in which Drew Barrymore plays the love interest of Adam Sandler, who eventually realizes she has amnesia.
One person writes, “50 First Dates in real life.”
Another praises the wife’s care, saying, “Dementia nurse here. You’re doing amazing!!!!”
A couple celebrates with champagne. Photo credit: Canva
For others, the heartwarming interaction hit close to home. One person shares, “I’m early stages of Cardiovascular Dementia and sometimes, I experience these moments and it’s scary. Your voice is very calm and you’re doing an awesome job caring for your husband. God Bless You.”
One devoted daughter shares, “My Dad has dementia.. one day I helped him look for me until he said ‘there you are, pickle head. i was calling you!’ I cried myself to sleep that night after I put him to bed. You’re doing so great, Sis!! keep loving him the way you do. it keeps em grounded just a little longer at a time.”
“Dementia will break your heart, over and over again,” someone else says. “Your strength gives him peace. I hear it, I see it. He feels it.”
Another professional praises her approach, writing, “Memory Care Director here. While I absolutely think this is so unfair for him to go through this as such a young age. Dementia is the absolute worst. You are doing such an amazing job. The calm voice is needed, especially at sundowners time. Stay so strong.”
Most families have health traditions passed down for generations that may not be 100% FDA-approved. But there’s something to be said for being sick as a kid and having your mother or grandmother give you Saltine crackers and 7UP for an upset stomach, or rub some Vicks VapoRub on your back when you have a cold.
Even though it’s not exactly what the doctor would order, these traditions, which may have started long before modern medicine, connect us across generations and are an important part of a family’s fabric. Being there for each other when you’re feeling bad is what family is all about.
A Redditor asked fellow users to share their family “cure-alls,” and received plenty of responses from folks who have sworn by these remedies for generations.
Here are 11 of the best responses to the question: “What’s that one ‘cure-all’ home remedy every family seems to have?”
1. Ginger tea
“In my house, it’s ginger tea with honey for EVERYTHING, Cold? Ginger tea. Stomach ache? Ginger tea. Bad mood? Yep… ginger tea. At this point, I’m convinced it’s our family’s official medicine.”
“In ginger tea’s defense, ginger is scientifically proven to have a soothing effect for nausea/stomachache! It’s not super strong, but it’s something.”
If your family prescribed ginger tea when you were sick with the stomach flu, they were actually doing a good thing. According to Johns Hopkins, ginger is good for nausea and helps fight bloating and gas.
2. Vicks VapoRub
“For my mother-in-law, it’s Vicks.”
“I’m Latina and yeah. I’ve had a lot of allergies in my life, so it’s genuinely helped me a lot. I put some on my nose when I’m congested, and it sometimes clears my breathing a bit. If I have sniffled my nose to the point of being sore, it helps reduce the soreness. I put it on my temples when I get a congestion headache. It also helps dull skin itching. It will not replace medicine or an antihistamine if that’s what’s needed. But if you need to keep from scratching, the cooling sensation helps. I use it on bug bites all the time, and I have eczema, so I put it on itchy, irritated skin to prevent myself from scratching it raw. My mom tells me she used to have to eat it (do NOT ingest Vicks) by the spoonful whenever she got sick. And if anyone gets a cut, my grandma recommends Vicks in place of an antibacterial ointment. It’s technically not recommended for open wounds, but apparently it does have some mild antifungal properties due to the camphor? I don’t use it on cuts lol.”
A tub of Vicks VapoRub. Photo credit: Ajay_Suresh/Flickr
3. Gargle with salt water
“Gargle with warm salt water, for any ailment north of the ankles.”
4. Vinegar
“Vinegar. I’m a redhead, and when I got sunburnt, mom always put vinegar on me.”
“My mom did this, too. I’m not sure what it’s supposed to do for the sunburn.”
Unfortunately, vinegar isn’t going to help a sunburn. In fact, it can dry out your skin, making the sunburn worse.
5. Ginger ale
“In Michigan, nearly everything can be cured with a warm Vernors.”
“Not really a home remedy, but I swear, Diet Coke cures most of my ills. Headache, stomachache, heartache…it always makes me feel better.”
“I don’t drink Diet Coke very often. BUT, I do when I have a headache or stomachache. Works most of the time!”
7. Pretending you aren’t sick
“Pretending they aren’t sick. One section of my family is wealthy and narcissistic. They think 1) they are ‘above’ being ill, and 2) as long as they don’t admit to being sick, they aren’t. It’s wild. Also, if they catch a cold, they always say it’s allergies. Then they continue to go out in public, spreading their germs everywhere. They can’t possibly be contagious, since it’s just allergies.’ So gross.”
Thinking you aren’t sick probably won’t keep you from catching a virus. However, studies show that being mindful, meditating, relaxing, and practicing yoga can help reduce the painful symptoms of an illness.
8. Oreos
“My uncle took Oreos with him on the troop ship to Europe during World War II, and never got seasick. Since then, Oreos are my family’s first line of defense.”
9. Jell-O
“Jello, specifically orange jello.”
“My mom would make me hot jello water (you know, like the form it’s in before you put it in the fridge to set). I have no idea why she did this. But I have not introduced it to my kids, or they would always pretend to be sick!”
“Once my kids were old enough, I gave them a teaspoon of honey when they were under the weather. It seemed to help their sore throat and cough.”
“I actually have a bottle of honey just for being sick because it coats my throat lol.”
11. Chamomile tea
“Grandma swore chamomile tea worked for any stomach upset or nausea. For head colds, Vicks VapoRub, under the nose, on the chest and back, around the neck, followed by inhaling the vapors of the Vicks melted in boiling water. You had to sit under a towel inhaling the steam until the water was cold. She’d then bundle you into bed with the towel around your head and piled on the blankets to make you sweat. You could only get out of bed when you stopped sweating. Hated it cause u don’t like the smell of eucalyptus and felt gross after the sweating part of the treatment.”
We spend a third of our lives asleep, and during that time our bodies and minds are restored. But wouldn’t it be great if we could also use that time to think brilliant thoughts that help us when we wake? Imagine if, while you sleep, your mind could solve problems, come up with creative ideas,…
We spend a third of our lives asleep, and during that time our bodies and minds are restored. But wouldn’t it be great if we could also use that time to think brilliant thoughts that help us when we wake? Imagine if, while you sleep, your mind could solve problems, come up with creative ideas, and recall long-forgotten memories.
A new study by neuroscientists at Northwestern University has taken the first step toward making this possible by training people to solve difficult puzzles in their sleep.
The researchers conducted a sleep study with 20 people who had prior experience with lucid dreaming. Participants were given a series of tough brainteasers to work on for three minutes, with each one paired with its own musical soundtrack.
The brainteasers were difficult enough that most went unsolved. As participants went to bed in the lab that night and entered REM sleep, researchers played the soundtracks from the unsolved puzzles to encourage them to dream about them. When participants woke up the next morning, the findings were remarkable.
Sixty percent of the participants had dreams that referenced the specific puzzles they couldn’t solve while awake. Those who dreamed about the unsolved puzzles increased their problem-solving ability from 20% to 40%.
Karen Konkoly, a post-doctoral researcher in Paller’s Cognitive Neuroscience Laboratory, explained the findings in a press release:
“Even without lucidity, one dreamer asked a dream character for help solving the puzzle we were cueing. Another was cued with the ‘trees’ puzzle and woke up dreaming of walking through a forest. Another dreamer was cued with a puzzle about jungles and woke up from a dream in which she was fishing in the jungle, thinking about that puzzle. These were fascinating examples to witness because they showed how dreamers can follow instructions, and dreams can be influenced by sounds during sleep, even without lucidity.”
The study shows incredible potential for using our dreams to solve complex problems and increase creativity.
“My hope is that these findings will help move us towards stronger conclusions about the functions of dreaming,” Konkoly said. “If scientists can definitively say that dreams are important for problem solving, creativity, and emotion regulation, hopefully people will start to take dreams seriously as a priority for mental health and wellbeing.”
Wouldn’t it be incredible if you could tap into the power of your dreams to solve problems or come up with new ideas like the participants did in the laboratory? Even though it may sound too good to be true, there are research-backed ways to learn how to control your dreams. One of the most popular is the MILD (Mnemonic Induction of Lucid Dreams) technique.
A new video by a hospice nurse offers a compelling reason for people to feel comfortable facing the unknown. Julie McFadden, a hospice nurse, shares that when her patients are nearing death, they often have comforting visions. McFadden posts videos helping to demystify the dying process and bring comfort to people with a loved one in hospice care, or who may be dying…
A new video by a hospice nurse offers a compelling reason for people to feel comfortable facing the unknown. Julie McFadden, a hospice nurse, shares that when her patients are nearing death, they often have comforting visions. McFadden posts videos helping to demystify the dying process and bring comfort to people with a loved one in hospice care, or who may be dying themselves. Her profile reads, “Helping understand death to live better and die better.” McFadden is also the author of the bestselling book, “Nothing to Fear.”
Hospice Nurse Julie has earned over half a million subscribers and has witnessed over a hundred deaths. In a recent video, she reveals that people are often comforted by friends and relatives who have passed away in their final days. She says that when people begin experiencing these visions, it’s a sign that they will be passing away within a few weeks. It’s almost as if these loved ones are welcoming them to the other side.
“Here’s one sign that someone is close to death that most people don’t believe happens,” Julie begins the video.
“Usually, a few weeks to a month before someone dies, if they’re on hospice, they will start seeing dead loved ones, dead relatives, dead pets. This happens so often that we actually put it in our educational packets that we give to patients and their families when they come on hospice so they aren’t surprised or scared when it happens,” she continues.
The experience is called visioning; although no one knows how or why it happens, it’s common among all her patients. “We don’t know why it happens, but we see it in definitely more than half of our patients,” she continues.
People often believe that the visions are caused by a lack of oxygen to the brain. However, Julie says that isn’t true. “Because when it does happen, most people are alert and oriented and are at least a month from death, so they don’t have low oxygen,” she said.
Visioning is always a comforting experience
A terminally ill woman in her hospital bed.via Canva/Photos
It often involves relatives who ‘come from the other side’ to let them know everything will be okay and encourage them to let go and pass away. People also experience being taken on journeys with loved ones or having sensory experiences from the past, such as smelling their grandmother’s perfume or their father’s cigar.
These visitors can also appear in groups. Patients might report the room feeling ‘crowded’, like they are being joined by many people at once. The interesting thing is that patients aren’t afraid of the visions. In fact, they welcome them. They work towards making them feel comfortable as they transition out of life.
Medical professionals are unsure why visioning occurs
Christopher Kerr, the CEO of Hospice & Palliative Care, an organization that provides palliative care in Buffalo, New York, says that the relatives who often appear in these visions are those who protected and comforted the dying parent while they were alive. So, they may see a parent who nurtured them, but not one they feared.
Kerr has extensively studied the mysterious phenomena that occur when people die, but has no real explanation for why his patients experience visioning. “I have witnessed cases where what I was seeing was so profound, and the meaning for the patient was so clear and precise, that I almost felt like an intruder,” he told BBC Brazil. “And trying to decipher the etiology, the cause, seemed futile. I concluded that it was simply important to have reverence, that the fact that I could not explain the origin and process did not invalidate the experience for the patient.”
In a more in-depth video, Hospice Nurse Julie shares actual footage of a dying woman experiencing visioning. It’s extremely powerful:
It’s comforting to know that for many, the final days of life may not be filled with pain and fear but instead with a sense of peace and joy. While we may never fully understand the reasons behind these mysterious visions, if they bring calm during such a daunting time, we can simply be grateful for their presence. They’re kind of like life, in general. In the end, we may not really know what it was all about, but we can be happy that it happened.
This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.
We all know the feeling: You walk through the front door after a long day, or slam your laptop shut, and the weight of the world slides off your shoulders. Your overworked brain, desperate to relax, entices you to collapse onto the couch and scroll through your phone until it’s time to sleep.
But is this the best way to recharge? By doing nothing? Experts say no.
A fascinating practice on social media called the “personal curriculum” is trending. Championed by Google executive productivity advisor Laura Mae Martin, the concept is simple yet counterintuitive. The idea is to assign yourself “homework”—not to earn a degree, promotion, or extra cash, but for the pure joy of learning. TikTok user Elizabeth Jean also helped popularize the term “personal curriculum,” and posts videos with tips on how to create your own.
Adding tasks to an overflowing to-do list might sound like a recipe for burnout, but Martin suggests that a structured, self-directed learning plan can boost energy, sharpen the mind, and restore a sense of identity.
The unexpected science of “fun homework”
It’s easy to compare our brains to batteries that drain during the day and require total rest to recharge. But cognitive science shows that our minds are more like muscles. To stay healthy, we need new and interesting activities that challenge us.
When we engage in what researchers call “cognitively stimulating activities,” the physical structure of our brains changes. A 2017 report from the Global Council on Brain Health highlighted that keeping the mind active is essential for maintaining brain health as we age. Creative activities like painting, photography, or writing can reduce cortisol levels, lowering stress hormones and creating an emotional regulation loop that leaves you feeling refreshed and ready for the next day.
A systematic review in BMJ Open found a clear link between lifelong learning and a lowered risk of dementia. Researchers explained that challenging the brain with new information builds cognitive reserve, a.k.a. its ability to adapt and remain resistant to damage.
Think of it as investing in your mental future. Each time you tackle a new language lesson or deep-dive into Renaissance art history, you’re strengthening your brain in ways that can last a lifetime.
Redefining what it means to be productive
The word “productivity” can carry heavy connotations. It suggests endless checklists, exhausting efficiency hacks, and squeezing every drop of output from our waking hours. Laura Mae Martin offers a refreshing alternative, defining productivity in simple terms: “Productivity is accomplishing what you intend to do, when you intend to do it.”
This meaning allows us to reclaim our time. It shifts our mindsets from external validation to internal satisfaction.
How to build your syllabus
Let’s put this in practical terms. How do you bring these “nice ideas” into the real world? By creating a “personal curriculum” and treating it with the same respect you would have for a college course. Humans respond well to structure and deadlines. Here’s how to create a syllabus that sticks:
Follow the spark: Genuine curiosity must drive your personal curriculum. If you hated calculus in high school, don’t pick it up again for arbitrary reasons, like trying to feel smart. Look for subjects that make you lose track of time. Identifying every tree in your neighborhood could be one, or mastering the perfect sourdough loaf.
Diversify your materials: Learning exists everywhere, not solely in dense textbooks. Keep required texts engaging and fun, mixing in podcasts, workshops, flashcards, and documentaries. If you are learning a new language, listen to an album in that language. If you’re studying paleontology, visit a local natural history museum.
Set the scene: Get yourself in the zone with a little learning mise en place. Find a specific chair and reserve it for reading, or flipping through flashcards. Make a study playlist and fill it with songs to play in the background. When you sit in that chair, or hit play, you are signaling to your brain that it’s time to switch into “student” mode.
The 20–30 minute rule
Don’t spend all your free time on this. Overload is the greatest pitfall with personal curriculums. We get excited, plan to study every night for two hours straight, then find ourselves exhausted and discouraged.
Sustainability lies in the “Goldilocks” rule for time commitment: keep sessions between 20 and 30 minutes.
Simple 20–30 minute blocks fit into even the busiest schedules yet, they’re long enough to achieve a flow state.. Slot one in after dinner or while drinking your morning coffee.
Valerie Craddock, a content creator, shared her November curriculum on TikTok, embracing this method. It included gentle, actionable goals: walk 8,000 steps, practice penmanship three times a week, work out for 30 minutes. By keeping her curriculum low stakes, Craddock set herself up for a winning streak instead of a guilt trip.
Make room for what matters
How do you protect this newfound time? Martin suggests a simple but effective tactic: integrating your personal calendar with your work one.
This gives you a complete view of the week. You might see Tuesday packed with meetings, so you’ll make a mental note to keep that evening free. Thursday looks much lighter, offering the perfect window to pencil in that 30-minute creative writing session.
An approach like this helps you honor the natural ebb and flow of energy, and prevents you from overcommitting on days when you’re already drained. When you schedule “fun homework” with the same seriousness as an All-Hands meeting, you’re sending yourself a powerful message: personal growth is as important as obligations.
Redefining “you”
One of the most rewarding aspects of the personal curriculum is its ability to reshape our sense of self. In a society obsessed with asking, “What do you do for work?” discovering an answer that’s not attached to a paycheck can feel freeing.
When you learn, you transcend the role of parent, employee, or partner—you become a historian, linguist, painter, or botanist.
Buy the notebook, write a syllabus, and enjoy becoming a beginner again. You might discover that a little homework can unlock the key to reconnecting with yourself.
Activewear is a $400 billion industry, with no shortage of brands selling moisture-wicking tops, running shorts, yoga pants, and all manner of athletic clothing designed for exercise. In fact, we’ve become so accustomed to “workout gear” that the idea of exercising without it feels almost wrong.
Enter Deb Voisin, who not only challenges the notion that people need to run in any particular clothing, but runs herself barefoot and in skirts or dresses, like a preschooler—one with a keen understanding of biomechanics, that is.
Voisin says she could “barely walk” due to an injury caused by overstretching, and she hadn’t been able to find a healing method that worked. Not wanting surgery, she studied biomechanics and natural movement and made an interesting discovery about sprinting.
“Once I realized that a sprint is an amplified walking pattern, I knew that if I could learn how to sprint beautifully, I could walk pain-free,” she shares.
To hone her form, she filmed herself sprinting on a curved treadmill. But there was a problem: she hated looking at herself.
“So I wore skirts and played dress up like a little girl,” she says. “It worked!”
Watch:
Voisin tells Upworthy it worked on multiple levels.
“I started wearing skirts because they helped me stop hating looking at myself—and I realized they also make healthy movement visible,” she says. “Aligned movement is wavy and alive, not rigid. Running is timeless and human, and the fabric lets you actually see that flow.”
She says she always hated running, but sprinting in skirts shifted her perspective.
“Once I realized that sprinting is the ultimate expression of a naturally aligned body, I aimed high and shot past pain into ease and power I don’t think I ever felt growing up,” she explains. “Now I help others find their way back to that feeling.”
Voisin also says the comments on her video, which has been viewed more than 4 million times, made her weep.
“I had no idea how healing it would feel to be so openly accepted for something that even people close to me didn’t understand,” she says. “I just knew there was beauty and healing in it.”
Here are some of the viewer comments that made Voisin cry:
“Something about a running, whimsical lady in a skirt and no shoes is so magical.”
“Every time a human loves herself, is a win for all the universe.”
“Who noticed, the more she practices, the more she looks younger just like a little girl happy running and discovering the world that she sees as a beautiful and happy place? Beautiful lady, am glad seeing you running, run run run..”
“You literally look like you aged in reverse in the process! Amazing how healing joy can be for our bodies.”
“Every single shot of you running in a skirt looks like it comes from a movie I’d love to watch.”
“People forget, we often don’t like doing things that are good for us, because we copy how everyone else is doing it. Make it fun for you, do it the way you want to do it. Find those joys in your life. It’s your first time living.”
“I also just love the kick in the face to traditional ‘workout’ clothes. It’s just more consumerism, you don’t need special clothes to workout. Just use what you have!”
“I loved the reel, the fabric movement, the timelapse, the self love, the deep desire to heal, fit body at later ages… all of it made me smile at how we all creatively approach our problems.”
“I’ve been an avid runner in my life, but haven’t run much for a few years now. This brought tears to my eyes, your beauty and grace and commitment. I am inspired to run again, for the sheer joy of it!”
It’s amazing what can happen when you infuse joy into physical activity. Maybe joy for you isn’t running in a skirt and watching it flow in slo-mo, but something else entirely. Whatever joy looks like, leaning into it may help you reclaim the motivation you lost somewhere along the way and empower you to keep your body moving and healthy.
Introverts can have many personality stereotypes. Many people assume they are quiet homebodies who prefer alone time, but not all introverts are the same.
Psychologist Jonathan M. Cheek, along with his colleagues Jennifer Grimes and Julie Norem at Wellesley College, presented findings in a 2011 study identifying four types of introverts: Social, Thinking, Anxious, and Restrained (STAR).
“Many people assume introversion is fixed, but introversion is on a spectrum,” Chloë Bean, a somatic trauma therapist in Los Angeles, told Upworthy.
Essentially, there is no one-size-fits-all type of introvert.
“It can shift depending on life phase, your stress level, burnout, support system, and trauma history,” Bean said. “What looks like ‘being introverted’ is sometimes the nervous system doing it’s job, protecting you especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed or need to connect with yourself more.”
Four types of introverts
In an interview with The Cut, Cheek explained that these introvert “types” are more like “shades,” and that introverts are often a mix of each one. Here’s what you need to know about each type of introvert:
Bean noted that social introverts may be selective about who they connect with. They enjoy spending time with others but need downtime to recover.
“They prefer to stay home with a book or a computer, or to stick to small gatherings with close friends, as opposed to attending large parties with many strangers,” Cheek explained.
How to tell if it’s you:
“You may tend to lose a lot of energy when socializing in large groups even when they’re fun and prefer one-on-one time,” said Bean. “You may feel more regulated with one person at a time, as you can feel overstimulated with more than one person at a time.”
Thinking introverts
Thinking introverts are internally rich, deep, and active but appear quiet on the outside, Bean noted. They spend a lot of time reflecting, imagining, creating, or analyzing.
“You’re capable of getting lost in an internal fantasy world,” Cheek said. “But it’s not in a neurotic way, it’s in an imaginative and creative way.”
How to tell if it’s you:
“You feel energized and excited by ideas but you feel exhausted when there is constant feedback and stimulation externally,” Bean explained. “You need time to be with your thoughts to come to your conclusion so staying with your inner voice and process is supportive because you can get easily distracted by others’ thoughts and opinions.”
Bean said that anxious introverts deal with anxiety and avoidance driven by fear, as the body anticipates rejection or not being accepted socially.
How to tell if it’s you:
“You might replay conversations, dread upcoming plans and cancel them when the tension and anxiety gets too strong,” Bean shared. “This is often less about your personality and more about your nervous system feeling dysregulated by thoughts about socializing.”
Restrained introverts
Restrained introverts are highly observant, take time to warm up to others, and are cautious about who they spend their energy with, Bean explained.
How to tell if it’s you:
“It might take you some time to feel like you can trust others and feel safe enough to speak up,” Bean said. “You might also avoid being put on the spot or being the center of attention.”
