A woman turning 70 shares her wisdom.
If only there were a way for someone 30 years old to download the wisdom of a 70-year-old into their brains. What a joyous life they’d live being free from having to learn a lot of lessons the hard way. They'd also be able to make big decisions in life with a greater sense of perspective. The good news is that the wisdom is out there, and older folks are sharing it. The question is: Will you listen?
A TikTok user who will turn 70 this December and goes by Golden Years Guidance (@foxandfawnwhalley) is doing her best to improve the lives of younger people by sharing the wisdom she’s gained over the years. She recently shared the “biggest thing” she’s learned. The advice was so powerful that the video has been seen over 400,000 times.
"Hi, everyone. Planning my birthday party for December. I'll be 70. Don't know how that happened, but I was thinking about what I wish I had known earlier on in my life," the woman says in the video. "What I wish I'd known when I was 30, married with three children.”
The biggest life lesson: "I think the biggest thing is I'd wish I realized that people aren't thinking about you as much as you think they are."
"I used to stress over what people thought, what I wore, what I said, my accent, every little mistake," she continued. "But you know what? They're too busy thinking about themselves to worry about you." To illustrate her point, she asked viewers: "Think about it. Do you spend hours analyzing about someone else's awkward moment? No. Neither do they. So why waste time holding yourself back?"
The big takeaway from the woman’s lesson is to stop wasting your time worrying about other people and to be yourself. Wear the clothes that you like, do the activities you like, love the people you love, speak your mind, and be your authentic self. "Live your life for you, not for them," she said. "Doesn't matter what they think, no matter who they are … Don't be rude. Think before you speak. But speak your mind."
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The post was just what many people in the comment section needed to hear. “I spent many, many years worrying about pleasing everyone else, about what people thought of me. I’m 41 now and these past few years I’ve realised that it’s insignificant!” one woman wrote. “Needed it, I’m 35 and I’ve spent way too long already worrying about this type of thing. Thank you for the advice,” another added.
The woman’s advice has resonated with many people, and it’s more than just one person’s realization. According to psychology, overestimating the amount of time people spend thinking about you is known as the spotlight effect.
“We estimate our own importance from our perspective, which is colored by the fact that we are all the center of our own universes—this is the famed ‘egocentric bias,’” Aditi Subramaniam, Ph.D., writes in Psychology Today. “A manifestation of this bias is the spotlight effect. That time you had a juice stain on your shirt or said something embarrassing in class—you most likely felt like there was a spotlight shining right at you with everyone’s eyes on you. While this might have technically been true in the classroom scenario, I’d guess that you might have greatly overestimated for how long people thought about that gaffe or how harshly they judged you for it.”
Ultimately, we all have the choice of whether we want to heed the advice of our elders or learn the same lessons on our own time. But it’s a lot easier to learn by listening than through trial and error. That’s why it’s terrific that @foxandfawnwhalley has dedicated her TikTok to improving people’s lives, one lesson at a time. The important thing is not just to listen to it, but to live it.
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Not just coworkers—family, friends, strangers, kids…
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Anything hobbit-esque can't be wrong. 
But what if you need pain meds AND mascara?!
Imagine how this would affect childcare.
Honestly…where's the lie?
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Urgent dash to the bathroom! 🚪🏃♂️
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."