A couple disaghrees over how to pronounce their kid's name.
Katrin BolovtsovaA husband and father shared a fascinating story that caused a passionate debate over whether there is a correct way to pronounce someone’s name and how cultural heritage means different things to different people.
The post was written by a man with the username VividTavern, who we’ll call VT for brevity’s sake.
“My wife and I are Mexican-American,” VT began his story. “I’m third-generation and she came here when she was eight. As a result, she’s quite a bit more ‘Hispanic’ than me, and we’ve clashed at times because I’m apparently insufficiently enthusiastic about my heritage. After we got married, we agreed that we’d have two kids and take turns naming them.”
The wife chose first and named their daughter Rosa Maria, a traditional Mexican name. It was VT's turn for their second child, and he named the boy Daniel. The problem is that VT prefers the Anglicized version of the name (DAN-yəl), whereas his wife uses the Spanish pronunciation (da-NYEHL).
A couple fights in the park.
“She introduces him as Daahn-ni-yell to everyone else and now everyone’s just following her pronunciation, which is frustrating because it was my turn to name the baby, and I feel like she didn’t respect my choice,” VT continued.
“When I confronted her, she said she doesn’t want our kids to have Anglicized names because they’re Mexican. I mean, it’s not that I have a problem with them having Spanish names. I don’t call Rosa María Rose or Rosemary. But it was (as agreed) my turn to name Daniel, and she should respect the fact that I didn’t factor in our heritage while naming him.”
VT added that his wife has no difficulty pronouncing Daniel in an Anglicized way; she has a very clear American accent. “We’ve been married five years and together for eight. She would tell me if it was about pronunciation instead of identity,” he said.
So, is VT being too controlling about how his wife pronounces their son’s name, or has she violated their agreement by choosing to say it her way? The comments section was divided.
There were a lot of people who thought that VT was wrong.
A woman commenting on a Reddit post.
"You named him Daniel, she calls him Daniel. Why do you want her accent to somehow disappear when speaking her son's name?" SonorousBlack asked.
"I’m Puerto Rican. My parents gave me an American name that can also be pronounced differently with a Spanish accent. My parents used the American version, but my extended family pronounces it with a Spanish accent. I use either version depending on the context. It’s never caused me a moment of stress or confusion," ElleMuffin wrote.
Many people also supported VT because his wife agreed to let him choose the name and is able to pronounce it the way VT prefers; she just chooses not to.
“It is not an issue of accent. Her pronunciation has an entirely new syllable, and it seems very deliberate on her part,” LionMctastic wrote. “She could just as easily say dan-yell with an accent but chooses not to. She should honor [VT’s] intentions for the name.”
“He named his son what he intended to be the English pronunciation of the name; she should pronounce it in English, just as mispronouncing a Spanish name is being an a**hole,” Longtimefed wrote. “Accent has nothing to do with it; I can say Jorge, Guillermo, Jean-Claude correctly with no American accent, it ain’t that hard.”
Daniel's mother has a decent reason for preferring the Spanish pronunciation of his name. His father also has a good reason to feel like the deal he made with his wife wasn’t honored. One way to fix the situation is to ask Daniel how he would like his name pronounced when he gets older. After all, it’s his name; he should have the final say over how it is pronounced.
Overwhelmed with emotion.
Stressed at the desk, seeking a moment of calm.
Storytime circle with kids and teachers in the classroom.
Anchors aweigh! 
Case in point, not case and point. 
I've been through the desert on a horse with free rein.
Buzz Off Get Away GIF 
"Toe the line" literally means put your toe on the line.
Lena Dunham as Hannah GIF by Girls 
A scene from the film Reality Bites. 
Carol Anne gets in touch with ghosts in the movie Poltergeist. 
Kurt Cobain, the patron saint of Gen X. 
Communications expert shares the 7-word phrase to shoot down anyone being disrespectful
Try this method next time someone says something rude.
A woman can't believe what she just heard.
Getting caught off guard by a rude comment from a coworker, family member, or total stranger can throw you for a loop. You immediately start wondering how you should respond. Should I insult the person right back or play it cool without stooping to their level? Everyone is going to be thrown by a disrespectful comment at some point, so it’s good to have a response in your back pocket for that moment when it comes.
Communications expert Jefferson Fisher provided a great response that we can all use recently on the Mel Robbins Podcast. Fisher is a Texas board-certified personal injury attorney and one of the most respected voices on argumentation and communication in the world. He is also the bestselling author of The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More.
How to respond to a rude or disrespectful comment
Fisher told Robbins that the first step in responding to the comment is nonverbal. You say nothing. “A lot of silence. So often, if you just wait 10 seconds that you're gonna add distance between what they said and how you're going to respond,” Fisher said. “They're saying this to get something out of you, cause in that moment, they're feeling something, whether it's a fear or an insecurity, whatever it is, you're not going to deliver on that same plane that they are.”
The next step is to let the rude person know that their behavior will not be tolerated in a confident manner.
“So somebody says something disrespectful, you give enough silence to make sure that it's a little awkward, and then you're going to say something to the effect of, ‘That's below my standard for a response.’ All of a sudden, you're now making it clear that what you just said was beneath me. And I don't respond to things that are beneath me in that way.”
Throw it back on them
If you prefer to put someone back on their heels instead of squelching the situation as Fisher recommends, John Bowe, a speech trainer, award-winning journalist, and author of I Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in the Age of DisconnectionI Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in the Age of Disconnection, says that you should respond with a question: “Do you really mean that?”
“Say it with outrage or dripping sarcasm, with raised eyebrows or deadpan calm. It doesn’t matter. This phrase is quietly disarming and deceptively powerful,” Bowe writes for CNBC. Bowe says the response does two great things for you. First, it gives them a chance to reconsider their words because most rude comments are said without thinking. “By responding with curiosity instead of defensiveness, you’re holding up a mirror. Often, that’s all it takes for the other person to walk back their offense,” he writes.
After the person is asked if they meant what they said, they can double down on their rude comment, but they are probably more likely to backpedal or apologize.
Unfortunately, it’s a fact of life that, unless you live under a rock, you’ll have to deal with people making rude comments. But the best thing you can do is to prepare yourself to confidently put someone in their place so they’ll think twice about ever being rude to you again.