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7 lessons for 2017, so we don't make the same big mistakes we made in 2016.

Everything was supposed to get better after 2016.

2017, or so we thought. Photo by Alice Popkorn/Flickr.

When the history books are written, we believed this year would stand apart as uniquely awful. Annus horribilis. The year from hell. Bad things happened to good people. Great people passed away. Hurricanes raged. Fires burned. "Independence Day: Resurgence" failed to capture the magic of the original.


But we hoped, prayed, and frankly, assumed, that on December 31, the sky would open up, angelic choirs would sing, and we would be ushered naked and weeping into the 2017 utopia of our dreams.

Yet, in 2016's final, cruelest twist: It's pretty clear that ain't gonna happen now. At least for a lot of us.

True, Donald Trump's supporters are cracking beers, cueing up old DVR'ed episodes of "Celebrity Apprentice," and settling in for four years of the greatering again of America.

But those people whose lives and values came under threat in the election — Muslims, women, immigrants, people of color, among others — are preparing for a much harder road ahead.

It's easy to look back on all this and feel hopeless and helpless. For so many people around the world, the relief expected at the end of the year won't deliver itself. The thing is, we're not hopeless and helpless. We never were, and we aren't now. The idea that 2016 was simply fated to be horrendous is a myth — one that's more than a little self-serving. And if you look between the cracks, it wasn't all bad.

Indeed, while many of us spent 2016 sitting on our respective couches tweeting about this supposedly inevitably terrible, no good, death trap of a year, others were out working to change the specific, real-life things they thought were bad. And they did! Sometimes for the better, sometimes for worse, but they stopped complaining about how horrible 2016 was, packed their bags, got in the streets, and showed up.

The real lesson of 2016? We can't count on the stuff we don't like to just change on its own.

2016 is almost wrapped, and while it might be too late for a do-over, it's not too late to learn, memorize, and internalize these seven lessons to make sure we don't repeat the same mistakes in 2017.

1. We need to show up and vote.

Yep. This is happening. Photo by Jim Watson/Getty Images.

Say what you want about Donald Trump (I certainly have) — but his victory in November's election shocked the world — including, seemingly, many members of his own staff. After stumbling through three debates, launching feuds with private citizens, and nearly imploding over a leaked "Access Hollywood" tape, his campaign was disorganized, rudderless, and trailing in the polls in nearly every key state.

How did he pull it off? Trump's supporters wanted change, and they showed up and voted in the places where it counted (for what it's worth, nearly 3 million more Hillary Clinton voters showed up nationwide — but had the unfortunate luck to live in the wrong states).

Amid Trump's stunning upset, however, progressives managed to let loose a small ray of hope. In North Carolina, voters showed up and voted to reject a vicious anti-LGBTQ law by firing Gov. Pat McCrory, who signed it.

North Carolina Governor-elect Roy Cooper. Photo by Sara D. Davis/Getty Images.

The groundwork for McCrory's defeat was laid way back in 2013, before the law even passed, by William Barber's Moral Mondays movement, which spent countless hours mobilizing citizens across class, gender, and racial lines to demand economic and social justice. Those citizens marched, organized, showed up, and — three years later, amid the horror of 2016 — won.

2. We need to show up in person.  

Protesters at Standing Rock. Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images.

This lesson wasn't lost on the thousands of people who showed up in person at an isolated Indian reservation in the Dakotas to fight the construction of an oil pipeline on sovereign land and, after months of dedicated protest, won a major concession from the U.S. government.

Nor was it lost on thousands of women in Iceland, who showed up in person to walk off the job in protest of unequal pay and got the world's attention.

Photo by Mark Makela/Getty Images.

Nor was it lost on the hundreds of Americans who showed up in person to rally behind their fellow citizens as hate incidents rose around the country.

A man stood outside a mosque in Dallas holding a sign saying, "You Belong." After an incident where a stranger threatened to light a female student's hijab on fire, students at the University of Michigan showed up to shield Muslim classmates who were praying. Students at the University of Kansas offered to walk their classmates of color to class. In Allen, Texas, a stranger left signs of support outside a local mosque. Churches across America are gearing up to protect immigrant families from abuse.

3. We need to not show up when showing up would mean compromising our values.

Spike Lee. Photo by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images.

Back in January, director Spike Lee and actor Jada Pinkett Smith announced they would be boycotting the Oscars after no actors of color were nominated in acting categories for the second straight year. Thousands of Twitter users showed up in support with the hashtag #OscarsSoWhite.

In response, the academy ... actually made changes. The organization announced it would expand its board and review members' voting qualifications every 10 years, with the goal of expanding the number of women members and members of color by 2020.

4. We need to show up and do the things we really don't want to do that make us uncomfortable or even embarrassed — for the greater good.

Do you think Barack Obama wanted to make nice, shake hands, and have his picture taken with Donald Trump?

We're all so incredibly happy. Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images.

After the guy questioned Obama's citizenship, savaged his character, and called his 2012 election victory a lie? President Obama could have told Trump to screw off until January — and he would have been more than justified. But he sucked it up and has been giving the guy free presidenting lessons ever since. Not because he wants to — because God knows he almost definitely doesn't — but because he knows America needs its president to have at least a ballpark understanding of what they're doing. That's showing up.

Do you think Mitt Romney wanted to beg Donald Trump — a man he accused of "trickle-down racism" — for a position in his cabinet?

Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images.

Do you think Romney wanted to suck up to Trump for a week and take back all the things he said that he almost surely still believes are true? Do you think he wanted to become a demeaning meme? Of course not. But he did it anyway because he's a dedicated public servant who knows his experience at the State Department would be a critical asset to an administration staffed with policy neophytes with wacky ideas. He probably knew that, in all likelihood, Trump wouldn't nominate him. He probably figured there was a chance the whole charade was concocted to humiliate him.

But he showed up and embarrassed himself on the ludicrously off chance Trump might really give him the job, putting an actual decent, thoughtful, qualified person in charge of one of the most important levers of U.S. foreign policy.

That's really showing up.  

5. We need to show up to experiences that burst our filter bubbles.

Photo by Steve Pope.

Showing up at "Hamilton," probably wasn't what you'd expect from Vice President-elect Mike Pence. As a congressman and governor, Pence was notorious for advancing anti-LGBTQ legislation and likely expected that sitting down to watch a musical about the contributions of immigrants to America's founding on Broadway, a capital of LGBTQ culture, would invite controversy. Sure enough, Pence was greeted by a chorus of boos when he appeared in the theater. And after the curtain call, actor Brandon Victor Dixon addressed the vice president-elect, respectfully, but uncompromisingly, from the stage:

"We, sir — we — are the diverse America who are alarmed and anxious that your new administration will not protect us, our planet, our children, our parents, or defend us and uphold our inalienable rights," Dixon said. "We truly hope that this show has inspired you to uphold our American values and to work on behalf of all of us."

But Pence listened and heard him out. And in a post-performance interview on Fox News, Pence said he "wasn't offended by what was said" and described the pre-show booing as "what freedom sounds like."

The musical probably didn't change Pence's mind on much of anything. And the cast's speech hasn't seemed to shift the vice president-elect's rhetoric on immigration, criminal justice reform, or LGBTQ rights. But Pence stepped out of his comfort zone and listened. He deserves at least some credit for that.  

6. And we need to show up to help other people to burst their filter bubbles.

Beyoncé and the Dixie Chicks at the CMAs. Photo by Nick Diamond/Getty Images.

Despite being the uncontested queen of everyone and everything, Beyoncé's performance at November's Country Music Awards became a lightning rod for fans of the genre. Criticisms ran the gamut from political (she's too liberal!) to aesthetic (she's insufficiently country!) to straight-up racist (black people don't belong in country music).

Here's the thing: Beyoncé can perform anywhere she wants. She's arguably the most famous human on the planet. She didn't need to show up to do a free show for people who mostly want her to go away. But she did it anyway. She did it knowing that the audience wouldn't necessarily be friendly to her. True to form, many weren't.

But many others listened, liked what they heard, and had their minds and tastes expanded. More importantly, their idea of what a country singer can look and sound like was forever changed.

It was a brave move for Beyoncé (and for the Dixie Chicks, who backed up Queen Bey, having been shunned by country audiences for their opposition to the Iraq War over a decade ago). Beyoncé leveraged her massive global fame to send a powerful message for inclusion that resonated with millions of viewers.

7. We need to show up now, when it counts, before it's too late.

Do not deny Prince-from-Beyond! Photo by Kristian Dowling/Getty Images.

We lost a lot of great people in 2016. There will never be another Prince, or David Bowie, or Alan Rickman, or Leonard Cohen, or Gwen Ifill, or John Glenn. But in a way, their passings aren't just tragedies — taken together, they're a call to arms.

Life is fleeting. If we want to make the world a better place, we have to get on it ASAP and show up now — not tomorrow, not a week from now, not in April when things calm down or start to feel normal. We all have limited time on Earth, and it matters, now more than ever, what we do with it.

2016 was a bad year for too many people around the world: We can't just wait, commiserate, post rueful memes, and hope that the next year will be better. We all have to go out and make it so.

2017 is coming, whether we want it to or not. Will it be better?

That's up to us.

Joy

5 ways people are going "All In" this week

From the silly to the sentimental, there are so many ways people like to go “all in” on something. Here are our five favorite examples this week.

5 ways people are going "All In" this week
5 ways people are going "All In" this week
5 ways people are going "All In" this week
True

When you hear the words “all in,” what do you think? You might think of getting groovy at a nursing home, a french bulldog having a total breakdown in the drive-thru, or maybe even a snack bar company promoting self care. Whatever you picture, the idea is the same: Going “all in” means doing something with total commitment—literally giving it your “all” and going completely over the top. No second guessing, no holding back—just full-throttle enthusiasm with some creativity and flair thrown in. That’s how we get those viral internet moments we can’t stop watching.


This DWTS dance trend 

If you’ve been watching TV or on the internet this week, you might have seen the viral dance move Dylan Efron and Daniella Karagach performed while on Dancing With The Stars (DWTS) last week. The one particular move, where Dylan holds Daniella as she does a mid-air horizontal walk, is going viral with over 8k videos using the sound. Some of my personal favorites include a mom and her baby, two girls or a girl and her cat, proving this dance trend is truly for anyone to try.

All In on Fiber

Speaking of trends, there’s one that really is about going “all in”, it’s called #fibermaxxing. After years of protein being the biggest nutrition trend, it looks like fiber might be taking over. For good reason too, while protein can cause issues with digestion, fiber can lead to better digestion, blood sugar management, weight control and reduced disease risk. Our friends at All In made a video explaining the #fibermaxxing trend. Each All In bar has 6 to 7 grams of fiber , plus they are delicious. Don't take our word for it, though: Click here to try it yourself (for free).

This child's long hair

This creator went all in… on pranking the audience. I don’t want to give away the contents of this video, but let’s just say it’s creative- and it made me quite literally laugh out loud. There are a lot of "momfluencers" out there who make content that uses their children, and as relatable and heartfelt as it is, sometimes a little satire break is worth appreciating.

Two entrepreneurs getting down to business


Lots of people dabble in entrepreneurship. These two went "all in" on helping others learn it. After four years of interviews with CEOs , research, edits, and a Penguin Random House book deal (yes, seriously), their book, Down to Business, has made its way into classrooms and libraries around the world. Now they are teaching other kids that age is not a barrier to entry in entrepreneurship; the earlier you start, the further you can go—and an entrepreneurial mindset will serve you no matter what you do in life.

Bridesmaids who went all in

Last on our list; two bridesmaids who committed to the bit. These ladies went “all in” in their remake of the legendary scene from the movie “Bridesmaids”. If you haven’t seen the original movie, starring Kristen Wig and Maya Rudolph, this might be your sign.

In the viral TikTok this bride, Caroline, had no idea what was coming when she put on her favorite movie while getting ready for her big day. The fact that she wanted to watch her favorite show before her bridesmaids surprised her, makes this going “all in” surprise all the better.

Snag your free (!!) snack bar here while this deal lasts. Just pick up a bar at Sprouts and text a pic ofv your receipt to get it for free. Enoy!

beavers, beaver dam, animals, wildlife, ecosystem, nature, earth, sustainability, deserts, waterways, rivers, pollution, climate change

Can outsider beavers save this dried up river?

It's not easy being a river in the desert under the best of circumstances. The ecosystem exists in a very delicate balance, allowing water sources to thrive in the harsh conditions. These water sources in otherwise extremely dry areas are vital to the survival of unique wildlife, agriculture, and even tourism as they provide fresh drinking water for the people who live nearby.

But man-made problems like climate change, over-farming, and pollution have made a tough job even tougher in some areas. Rivers in Utah and Colorado part of the Colorado River Basin have been barely surviving the extremely harsh drought season. When the riverbeds get too dry, fish and other aquatic creatures die off and the wildfire risk increases dramatically.


About six years ago, one team of researchers had a fascinating idea to restore the health of some of Utah's most vulnerable rivers: Bring in the beavers.

beavers, beaver dam, animals, wildlife, ecosystem, nature, earth, sustainability, deserts, waterways, rivers, pollution, climate change Beaver on riverbank. Canva Photos

In 2019, master's student Emma Doden and a team of researchers from Utah State University began a "translocation" project to bring displaced beavers to areas like Utah's Price River, in the hopes of bringing it back to life.

Why beavers? Well, it just makes dam sense! (Sorry.)

In all seriousness, beaver dams restrict the flow of water in some areas of a river, creating ponds and wetlands. In drought-stricken areas, fish and other wildlife can take refuge in the ponds while the rest of the river runs dry, thus riding out the danger until it rains again.

When beavers are present in a watershed, the benefits are unbelievable: Better water quality, healthier fish populations, better nutrient availability, and fewer or less severe wildfires.

It's why beavers have earned the title of "keystone species," or any animal that has a disproportionate impact on the ecosystem around them.

beaver, dam, dam building, nature, ecosystem Pbs Nature Swimming GIF by Nature on PBS Giphy

Doden and her team took beavers who were captured or removed from their original homes due to their being a "nuisance," interfering with infrastructure, or being endangered, and—after a short period of quarantine—were brought to the Price River.

Despite the research team's best efforts, not all the translocated beavers have survived or stayed put over the years. Some have trouble adapting to their new home and die off or are killed by predators, while others leave of their own accord.

But sine 2019, enough have stayed and built dams that the team is starting to see the results of the effort. In fact, beaver projects just like this one have been going on all over the state in recent years.

- YouTube youtu.be

The water levels in the river are now the healthiest they've been in years. The fish are thriving and Utah residents are overjoyed with the experiment's results.

According to an early 2025 column in The Salt Lake Tribune (i.e. six years after the beaver translocation began) the revitalization of the Price River has "helped save [our] Utah town."

"A tributary of the Colorado River, the Price River runs through downtown Helper," wrote column authors Lenise Peterman and Jordan Nielson. "On a warm day, you’re likely to find the river filled with tourists and locals kayaking, tubing and fishing along its shore. A decade ago, it was hard to imagine this scene—and the thriving recreation economy that comes with it—was possible."

Of course, it wasn't JUST the beavers. Other federal water cleanup investments helped remove debris, break down old and malfunctioning dams, and place tighter regulations on agriculture grazing in the area that depleted vital plant life.

But the experts know that the beavers, and their incredible engineering work, are the real MVPs.

beavers, beaver dam, animals, wildlife, ecosystem, nature, earth, sustainability, deserts, waterways, rivers, pollution, climate change An actual beaver dam on the now-thriving Price River Public Domain

In other drying, struggling rivers in the area, researchers are bringing in beavers and even creating manmade beaver dams. They're hoping that the critters will take over the job as the rivers get healthier.

Utah's San Rafael River, which is in bleak condition, is a prime candidate. In one area of the river, a natural flood inspired a host of beavers to return to the area and "riparian habitat along that stretch had increased by 230%, and it had the most diverse flow patterns of anywhere on the river," according to KUER.

It's hard to believe that beavers nearly went extinct during the heyday of the fur trapping industry, and continued to struggle as they were considered nuisances and pests. Now, they're getting the respect they deserve as engineer marvels, and their populations have rebounded due to better PR and conservation programs.

It's about dam time!

This article originally appeared in June.

Joy

71 baby names people love for their unique meanings

"I personally feel the meaning of a name has ~power~."

baby names, baby name, baby names 2025, name meaning, name meanings

Unique baby names with interesting meanings.

Picking a unique baby name based on its meaning is a fun, and pretty practical, approach. With so many beautiful baby names to choose from, looking into the etymology is a solid baby naming strategy that can get you closer to a name that feels right.

Self-proclaimed "name nerds" on Reddit offered their baby name picks based on their interesting definitions. As one parent noted, "I personally feel the meaning of a name has ~power~ and I want my kid to feel bad*ss when they learn theirs."


These are 71 of the most unique baby names based on their meanings.

@writing_on_boards

Name meanings series! Feel free to comment your names, and I’ll use it for a video! 🫶🏼💗⭐️ #fyp #whiteboard #asmr #satisfying #name #namemeaning #marker #handwriting #classroom

Girl Names

"Ylva: she wolf." - penguinsfrommars

"Ursa: she bear." - penguinsfrommars

"Torvi: thunder." - penguinsfrommars

"Matilda: powerful in battle." - penguinsfrommars

"Sophie: wisdom." - penguinsfrommars

"Branwen: white raven." - penguinsfrommars

"Eira: snow." - penguinsfrommars

"Stella: means star, but also the tough, no nonsense fairy from Winx Club :D." - User Unknown

"Alexandra: strength and defend." - User Unknown

"Victoria: winner, plus literary connotations." - User Unknown

"Beatrice : one who brings joy." - User Unknown

"Avery: wise." - User Unknown

"Margaret: pearls (which are beautiful, but also very tough, and are formed by clams as a defense to threats)." - User Unknown

"Lana: calm as still waters [Hawaiian]." - User Unknown

"Amanda: worthy of love." - User Unknown

"Elizabeth: God is my oath." - User Unknown

"Seraphina: fiery one." - User Unknown

"Leona: lioness." - moonsugar6

"Liana: vines." - moonsugar6

"Gaia: earth." - moonsugar6

"Evren: cosmos, universe." - moonsugar6

"Asteria: star." - moonsugar6

"Aveline: hazelnut, desired." - moonsugar6

"Talvi: winter." - moonsugar6

"Irene: peace." - moonsugar6

"Lola: sorrows." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Jemima: dove." - Intrepid_Source_7960

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Guinevere: white wave [Welsh]." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Selene: moon goddess." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Talia: gentle dew from heaven." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Evanthe: good flower." - moonsugar6

"Ida: industrious one." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Emma: whole, universal." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Simone: one who hears God, hearkening." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Winifred: peaceful friend." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Abigail: father's joy." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Adelaide: noble natured." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Adina: gentle, mild." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Celeste: heavenly." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Eleanor: light-hearted, shining light." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Josephine: shall grow." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Louisa: famous warrior." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Marceline: young warrior." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Mirabel: wondrous, of wondrous beauty." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Salome: peace." - KhaleesiofNZ

Boy Names

"Arthur: bear." - shaboogami

"Bran: raven." - penguinsfrommars

"Ambrose: immortality." - penguinsfrommars

"Arcturus: guardian of the bear - this is actually the name of a star, but I personally think it would make a good boys name." - penguinsfrommars

"Alfred: elf-counsel." - penguinsfrommars

"Morgan: sea chief or sea bright." - penguinsfrommars

"Norbert: means 'bright north', also my grandfather’s name." - _opossumsaurus

"Lionel: the little lion." - User Unknown

"Isaac: one who laughs/rejoices." - User Unknown

"Silas: man of the forest." - User Unknown

"Leander: lion man." - moonsugar6

"Todd: fox." - moonsugar6

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Darby: free from envy." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Baldwin: bold friend." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Ronan: little seal." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Douglas: black water." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Odin: inspiration." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Ezra: helper." - Intrepid_Source_7960

"Orson: bear cub." - moonsugar6

"Silvan: forest." - moonsugar6

"Stellan: calm." - moonsugar6

"Evander: good man." - moonsugar6

"Alden: old friend." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Asher: happy." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Franklin: landowner of free not not noble origin." - KhaleesiofNZ

"Lucas: bringer of light." - KhaleesiofNZ

Pets

10-year-old girl walks into police station and brings officers to tears with 2 simple words

She's been handing out handwritten cards to officers all over the country ever since.

police, cops, police officers, law enforcement, heroes, 10-year-old, thank you letters, kindness

A 10-year-old has been handing out Thank You cards to police officers across the country for years.

10-year-old Savannah Solis knew she had to do something. Per KHOUN, the girl from Tyler, Texas had heard the tragic news that two local police officers in New York had been murdered. The news, all the way back in 2015, brought her to tears.

Solis knew that, as a kid, there wasn't much she could do, to stop the bad guys, to make the world safer. But she dreamed of one day being a police officer herself and being able to help. As a 5-year-old, Solis says her mother had a heart attack and the first person to arrive and offer help was a police officer. She never forgot that officer's kindness and bravery.


Savannah’s mom, Debbie, recalled the immense love and support the girl had for police officers all over the world. Inspired and mesmerized by their line of duty, she hoped and wished only the best for each of them. “We would drive by and see them stopping somebody and in the backseat she would pray, asking God to take care of them,” the mom recounted.

In the meantime, she wanted the heroes in her own community to know that she cared. So she decided to write personal letters. Hundreds of them.

police, cops, police officers, law enforcement, heroes, 10-year-old, thank you letters, kindness a piece of paper with a heart drawn on it Photo by Immo Wegmann on Unsplash

Her letters had two words recurring each time, “Thank you.”

Furthermore, the girl explained as best as she could what their service meant to her and how grateful she was to them for saving lives.

During her Christmas break, the girl went all out making these letters and posting them—she even delivered a few personally to police departments all over Texas.

“You are my heroes. I want to say don’t stop, please don’t give up. Many do not care or appreciate the sacrifices you make every day. But I do,” the girl remarked. Savannah added a note of inspiration which read, “Many are standing with me today to let you know that you matter. Officers across Texas, you matter to me. Officers in New York City, you matter to me. Officers all across America, you matter to me. Please keep taking care of us.”

One of Solis' deliveries was caught on video, per KXAN, where officers were moved to tears by her gesture.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

She went about taking autographs of as many officers as she could. Debbie noted that her daughter didn’t want celebrity or artist autographs but those of the cops. All the officers are seen shaking hands and getting teary-eyed as they read the cards colored and highlighted with the title, “My hero.”

Austin Police Department Assistant Chief Jessica Robledo felt proud of the girl’s gesture and of the fact that their role was so valued in someone’s eyes.

“The words she spoke from her heart touched every single officer. I noticed everyone was trying to blink back tears. That’s what it’s all about. She is an old soul. She knows the right thing to say and I don’t think she even realizes the impact of her words on these officers and this department,” she remarked.

That was 10 years ago. As Solis grew up, she continued her personal outreach to police officers all over the country, letting them know that their bravery was appreciated.

She visited a precinct in Manchester, New Hampshire as recently in 2021 where she brought cards to the officers, met the K9 dogs, and was introduced to the police horses as well. Commenters were blown away that Solis was continuing the gesture after so many years.

"Savanna. Officers need that inspiration with everything going on today. You're remarkable for doing this."

"Amazing young lady right, thank you Savannah I appreciate all your efforts to show your appreciation for our men, woman, dogs and horses in blue"

"What an amazing young woman thank you for sharing this post and thank you for your service to our city. And all the law enforcement officers all over the Country."

Bravo, Savannah!

This article originally appeared in July. It has been updated.

Joy

Single woman exposes harsh double-standard with 'self-centered' married friends

“Single women in your life are not just disposable accessories.”

woman, women friendship, annoying friend, annoyed woman, hugging

An annoyed woman hugging another woman.

Ashanti Bentil-Dhue, a 36-year-old advocate for single women, to keep them “Rooted. Regulated. Resourced,” released a viral TikTok video on November 4 where she points out a double standard she believes exists in friendships between married and single women. Ashanti says single women who are always there for their married friends shouldn't expect the same in return.

“We're meant to support them through all of the life events that they experience: pregnancy, proposals, engagements, destination weddings. But rarely, if ever, do married women really allocate time and investment into their single friends' life events, whether that's a promotion, a career move, a moving home, travelling, any other achievement that isn't related to a man, isn't related to procreation,” Ashanti says.


Ashanti recounted a time when she travelled to another country to see a friend, but the whole time, she was preoccupied with her child. She adds that married women are only interested in hearing about her dating ups and downs and don't care about her professional pursuits.

@unpunishablewoman

Do married women invest in their single female friends?

Are married women self-centered?

“Single women in your life are not just disposable accessories. Just because we might not be married, just because we might not be occupied with motherhood necessarily, it doesn't mean we've got endless free time whereby you can pick and choose if you want to call, text, check up on us,” Ashanti says.

The post, which received nearly 300,000 views, resonated with Ashanti’s followers. “Single and child-free women have to sacrifice for the ‘community,’ but the community never gives back,” a commenter wrote. “That’s why I stopped sharing my vulnerabilities with my married friends as I realised it was more a source of entertainment than actual care,” another added. “And we’re not ‘allowed’ to be tired. Because how can we be really tired when we don’t have kids?” a commenter wrote.

woman, women friendship, annoying friend, annoyed woman, women on couch A woman looking annoyed.via Canva/Photos

Upworthy reached out to Amy Armstrong, Conflict Resolution Specialist and Co-Parent Coach at The Center for Family Resolution, to get her thoughts on the TikTok, and she has a common-sense approach to dealing with friends who have “changed” after getting married or having children.

How to react when a friend sidelines you

“When someone suddenly sidelines you, treats you like the ‘backup friend,’ or expects you to bend your life around theirs, you’re not seeing a new version of them. You’re seeing their actual capacity for friendship when life gets demanding,” Armstrong told Upworthy. “Real friends stay real through every season. Fair-weather friends fall off the minute their world expands beyond you.”

So how should people react when they feel their friends have sidelined them? “If someone makes you feel disposable, you’re not losing a friend. You’re losing a role you were never meant to play,” Armstrong continued. “Your job isn’t to fix someone’s selfishness. It’s to redirect your energy toward people who know how to be friends.”

woman, women friendship, annoying friend, annoyed woman, hugging An annoyed woman hugging another woman.via Canva/Photos

Armstrong also suggested some boundaries people can use when single people feel they are having a one-way friendship with their married friends.

Here are responses that stay bright, centered, and grounded:

Friendly boundary

“I’m looking for friendships that go both ways. I’m all in when you are, hopefully soon!"

Light boundary

“I get you’re overwhelmed. I’m keeping things balanced on my end. We can reconnect when it feels good for both of us.”

Ultimately, Armstrong notes that friendships can be transient, and we don’t need to give our time and emotional energy to people who aren't doing the same for us. “You don’t have to diagnose selfish friends or tolerate them. You don’t have to fight. You don’t even have to be mad. Friends are friends are friends—or they’re not. The ones who show up, stay. The ones who don’t make room for you don’t deserve front-row seats in your life.”

glass sniper, 1990s internet, aol, america online, modems, telephones, '90s nostalgia
via TheGlassSniper/TikTok and 30pin Pictures/Flickr

This one sound separates the "old" from "young" generations.

It's easy to separate groups of people by age and by generation. There's a line somewhere between Gen X and Millennials, for example — somewhere around the year 1996. But that's not specific enough to really separate the distinctive cultural environments in which we all grew up.

To wit, a popular TikToker known as The Glass Sniper is going viral with a video that struck a chord with people who remember the early days of the Internet. In the video, he teases a specific sound that was everywhere before it suddenly disappeared into the collective memory of those born before the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal.


“There is only one sound in this entire world that will forever separate the old generation from the new one,” Glass Sniper said in the viral video.

“'For when the new generation hears it, they'll have no idea what we're talking about. But when the old generation hears it… We cringe!” The sound, of course, is the squeak of a dial-up modem connecting with an Internet service provider or ISP, as they were known back in the day.

The more nostalgic the sound makes you feel, the more closely the sound identifies your age. Boomers and older Gen X certainly know the noise and remember it, but only people who came into prime Internet-using age around 1998 feel it in their very bones.

@theglasssniper

New year. New Generation. What year is the line drawn? Lol

You either remember it well, or you weren't around for it. There is no inbetween. The screeching, squealing sound is so deeply etched in the memories of people who grew up in the early-Internet era that there is no forgetting it.

The sound is known as a "handshake," where your modem tries to exchange data with a far-away server. It's unknown why us poor users had to actually hear it, but that's the way it happened in the '90s.


- YouTube www.youtube.com

One of the biggest problems with dial-up internet was that if you were online, no one in your home could use the phone, which caused some big domestic problems. Also, if you used a long-distance phone number for your dial-up number, you could be in for a hefty phone bill.

"I can hear my mom yelling 'IM ON THE PHONE!'" — MacksMom1990 wrote in the comments. "Followed by...You've got mail," DawnMichel added. "I can already hear my sister yelling at me to get off the computer so she can call her friend," Uncle B wrote.

"I figured it would be that sound, or the sound that the tv made after there no more tv shows at night ( when they showed the colour palette)," Isabellers Unniers wrote. "That sound reminds me of the time when I didn’t have to worry about anything, no stress (other than that damn noise) or anything," That_silver300 added. "The way my head popped up like a damn meerkat when I heard it..." MagnusDavis345 commented."

aol, america online, aol disc, hard disc, 1990s, '90s nostaligia, you've got mail An old America Online disc. via\u00a0Karl Baron/Flickr

For those of you who don't remember the early days of dial-up modems, in the mid-'90s, America Online (or AOL) was the most popular internet service provider, and it offered chat features, web browsing, and email, all in one package. Its chat rooms allowed people to connect anonymously with others in real-time, and, at that time, no one had photos, so you had to trust that the person was who they said they were.

In 1999, AOL grew to over 18 million subscribers and was the largest internet provider in the country. However, after a merger with Time Warner, dubbed "one of the worst mergers in history," in 2001 and the development of broadband internet, AOL's dial-up services quickly became a dinosaur.

glass sniper, 1990s internet, aol, america online, modems, telephones, '90s nostalgia Brittany Murphy in the 90s. Giphy

Although they’re uncommon, people still use dial-up modems. For some comparison, in 2002, 55 million people in the U.S. used dial-up internet, but that number quickly dropped to 51 million in 2003. As of September 2023, 400,000 people in the U.S. still have dial-up internet.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.