What a wild story.
A 26-year-old woman took to Reddit to share a potential discovery about her 34-year-old husband that had her “absolutely shaking.”
Here’s the gist: the couple had known each other for three years and had been married for six months. Everything was going swimmingly until they stopped at a gas station on a road trip and the woman noticed her husband had Instagram on his phone—something he had adamantly never wanted.
“I opened up his phone and decided to check what it was,” the woman wrote. "Upon opening it I found messages with a teenage girl.”
The poster added that while she only saw a couple of messages sent by her husband, the ones she did see were "I love you,” "I can't wait to see you again," and telling the girl, obviously between 14 and 16-years-old, that she looked "beautiful."
Fearing the worst, she concluded, “The fact he was cheating on me didn't even register in my brain and it was more so the fact that he was texting these things to someone underage. I did not have the chance to look further because he came back within 10 minutes. I don't know what to do. I am terrified, betrayed, and disgusted.”
Readers seemed to only add to her alarm with less-than-sound advice, suggesting she secretly take photos of the messages before he came back, or even going so far as to steal his phone and drive off in the car without him.
No one wants to be in this situation.
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Perhaps the more rational tip was to not confront her husband until they had made it to a safe (public) location, which she did end up following, though it was excruciating. They sat together for a full four additional hours on the road, as she faked being sick to avoid being affectionate with her husband.
“I know I should go along with it and pretend for my sake, but I physically can’t bring myself to,” she lamented.
Finally, after not being able to take it anymore, the woman confronted her husband in their hotel room. And here’s where our story takes a more uplifting turn.
“I told him I found his messages on Instagram,” wrote the original poster in an update. “He immediately started apologizing and saying he wanted to tell me sooner but couldn't find the time. He was apologizing but not as intensely as what he could have done. So I confronted him about that and said ‘what a lousy apology coming from a pedophile.’”
Shocked, and more than a little hurt, the husband then revealed that the 15-year-old was his daughter.
She had even sent him a "Happy Father's Day" message
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Apparently, the teen (named Sarah) reached out to the man a year prior via Facebook saying that he was her father—her mother being a woman he was in a brief and fleeting relationship with at 18 and who had one day disappeared.
Six months later, the man confirmed he was in fact the father…just as the couple was getting married. Not wanting to stress his partner out with the news and wanting to protect his daughter from her “strict” mother, he forged their relationship in secret on Instagram. He even showed his wife moments when Sarah called him “dad” and wished him a “Happy Father’s Day.”
Granted, this Reddit story is impossible to prove as true, but as wild as it is, it’s not hard to see how such a misunderstanding could occur. We don’t want to assume the worst of our loved ones, but it is human instinct to detect any possible danger. That, combined with unbridled imagination, makes it easy to jump to conclusions. Plus, the advice she received in the comments probably only added to her paranoia.
Similarly, though honesty is paramount to keeping a healthy relationship, there's no easy way of breaking that kind of news. So, while it might have been best for the husband to come clean early, it's also easy to see how the anxiety of not wanting to ruin a marriage that had only just begun might have prevented him from feeling brave enough to do so.
In other words—if we are to assume this situation did actually happen, mistakes were made on both sides, but a compassionate view can see where each side is coming from.
Luckily, the woman concluded the saga by taking accountability and showing true remorse for her actions. Both partners ended up showing empathy for the other, and understood “why the course of events played out this way.”
Whether or not this story did happen, it’s easy to see how it could happen. And it still contains a valuable lesson about transparency, discernment and above all, forgiveness.- People are sharing the marriage advice that 'sounded absurd' but is actually really helpful ›
- 'Why women leave’: Wife who 'does everything' shares why she left her husband who did nothing ›
- One person has crowdsourced the very best life advice from over 20 million people online ›
- It's getting harder to deny the damage that social media is doing to teenage girls ›
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.