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Why saving money is hard — and how you can get better at it.

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AICPA + Ad Council

If you're like most people, you probably know it's hard to save money. Really hard. But do you know why?

Sure, we all know that one person who is really good at managing money and seems to have this whole saving thing figured out. But for the rest of us, storing all those "acorns" away for the winter is just tough. We all know it's important, but where — and how — do we even start?

First, know that you're not alone: Research shows that a lot of Americans don't have much in savings. One survey of about 5,700 people released by the Federal Reserve found that 46% of adults could not cover an emergency expense of $400 without selling something or borrowing money.


Image via iStock.

There are a number of reasons why getting in the habit of saving is challenging.

One reason stems from our scarcity of attention, wrote Sendhil Mullainathan, professor of economics at Harvard University in an article on CNN Money. We are more likely to prioritize our immediate needs (say, a new phone) over our future needs (such as our retirement).

This is similar to why we procrastinate in general. According to psychologists, we see our future selves as strangers. While we inevitably become them, the people who we will be in a few months (or decades) are unknown to us, so we do not always make good choices for our futures.

A second reason is that we tend to forget what it felt like during conditions of scarcity. So, maybe you used to survive on a smaller salary, but now that you are getting paid more, you are likely to also increase your spending along with it to buy more (or better) things.

Image via iStock.

Technology has also made it easier for people to spend more money. Paying for services or items is quick and easy today, especially as we move toward becoming a cashless society.

And on top of all this, there is peer pressure that can be applied via social media, said Sean Stein Smith, a CPA, CGMA, and assistant professor at Rutgers University-Camden. "Seeing pictures of celebrities, family, and friends posting their newest purchases during their most recent vacation can be a tremendously difficult hurdle to overcome," he explained.

So what can we do to become better savers? Here are few helpful tips and tricks to get you into the habit of saving:

1. Stick to a realistic budget and pay yourself — i.e., your savings account — first.

Image via iStock.

"In order to accomplish any goal, whether it is running a marathon or setting up a savings plan for yourself, you need to have a plan in place," says Smith, who is also a member of the AICPA's National CPA Financial Literacy Commission. To do this, you need to take the time to know where your money is going and how much you can afford to save.

Everyone’s circumstances are different, so it's important to make a realistic budget that includes all your bills and expenses. And budget your savings just like it’s any other bill that you are paying so that you're always contributing something to that savings account.

2. Make your savings payments automatic.

The same technologies that make spending so easy can make saving easy too. Try to automate the process as much as possible by setting up automatic payments on payday so that a chunk of every paycheck goes straight into your savings account and you don’t even have to think about it.

"It’s like jumping into a pool: You have to steel yourself to do it once, and you can benefit going forward," wrote Mullainathan, the Harvard economics professor.

3. Remind yourself what it’s like to be broke.

Since we forget what scarcity feels like as soon as we’re not experiencing it, one helpful thing can be to remind yourself of what it feels like to be broke when you do have money. FutureMe.org lets you write an email to yourself to be delivered later — on payday, for instance, when you'll forget how it felt to scrounge change together for groceries.

4. Take the 52-week money challenge.

Sometimes just getting started is hard, so why not take this 52-week money challenge to get yourself in the habit of saving? The challenge works like this: on week one, save just $1, then on week two, save $2, and on week three, save $3, and so on until you reach week 52, where you save $52. This incremental savings plan starts small, but it can add up to a big difference — you will save $1,378 in just one year.

Worried you won’t stick to the plan? Try the plan in reverse and start by saving $52 on week one so that you have no excuse on week 52 to not put that $1 in there.

5. Make a goal and stick to it, and celebrate milestones.

Image via iStock.

It’s important to have an emergency fund, but there are a lot of other things you can save for too. So while it's probably best to try to let your savings grow for a while (and keep withdrawals to a minimum), it's good to set smaller, more immediate, goals as well that allow you to reward yourself along the way with fun things, like that dream vacation you have always wanted.

Want to make sure your savings plan is realistic and well thought-out? Try the four-week financial fitness challenge.

6. Save your windfalls.

Did you get a larger-than-usual tax refund or an annual bonus this year? As tempting as it can be to rush out and spend it now, put that extra money into savings. You won’t miss the money, and it will get you closer to your savings goals.

7. Keep the cash back for your savings account.

Does your credit card or bank offer you cash back for certain purchases? Make sure to transfer those extra dollars right into your savings account.

8. Save your change.

Image via iStock.

Small amounts of money can go a long way too. Do you have a bunch of change rattling around in your wallet? Why not collect all those coins in an old-school piggy bank? When it is full, you can exchange the coins at your local bank or supermarket for cash that can easily be deposited into a savings account. It might not seem like much, but over the course of the year, those loose pennies can really add up.

Some banks also offer "keep the change" programs to automatically round up your debit card purchases to the nearest dollar and transfer the difference into your savings account.

9. Increase your savings contributions when and where you can.

Get a raise? Or did you finally pay off your mortgage or a credit card? Be sure to increase your savings contribution before you start spending to reflect your pay increase or extra money in the budget. It will help you get one step closer to your savings goals.

Image via iStock.

10. Get a budget buddy.

"Planning, automation, and sticking with it — think of it like a workout regime — are the 'secret sauce' to savings success," says Smith. And a great way to stick with it is to find someone, like your husband, wife, or partner, to help motivate you.

"[This is] someone that is on the same path as you that can keep you motivated, engaged, and committed when you are tempted to start slacking," he says.

For some of us, saving isn’t easy, but thankfully there are a lot of ways to trick yourself into getting better at it.

And once you develop the habit and start meeting your goals, your future self will thank you.

partnerships

5 ways people are going “All In” this week

From the silliest to the most sentimental, there are so many ways people are going “all in” on the internet this week. Here are our five favorites.

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There’s something magical about watching someone go "all in" on something. Whether it’s an elaborately themed birthday party or a home chef turning dinner into a culinary spectacle, going "all in" means total commitment—no holding back, no second guessing, just full-throttle enthusiasm. It’s not just about doing something well; it’s about diving in headfirst—often with a bit of flair and creativity (or a lot of it). To go "all in" means to be fully present in the moment and create something truly special as a result.

In this roundup, we’ve scoured the internet for the best examples of people going all in—those moments where passion, creativity, and total commitment take center stage. Some are silly, some are sentimental, but all of them are a reminder that giving 100% is the only way to truly leave a mark on this world. Buckle up—these folks didn’t just show up, they went all in.

1. These new Hamilton re-enactments 

@actressbecc

a trend i can get behind

♬ Best of Wives and Best of Women - Phillipa Soo & Lin-Manuel Miranda

If you’ve been on TikTok at all in the past week, chances are you’ve come across the content creator Ashby, who’s famous for going live dressed (and in character) as the Lorax. Recently, Ashby’s been going viral for a different reason: Her hilarious reenactments of the scene in Hamilton where Alexander Hamilton sneaks out the window to prepare for his duel with Aaron Burr. In these reenactments, Ashby takes what used to be a sentimental song (“Best of Wives and Best of Women”) and hilariously reimagines it as Alexander being completely annoyed with his wife’s insistence to come back to bed.

Not only is Asbhy’s commitment to her character impressive (and laugh-out-loud funny), it’s also helped spark tons of other reenactments of the same scene across TikTok. Open the app and you’ll see dozens of other women who are also completely committed to the part—the facial expressions, the costumes, the scenery, even casting their significant others as Eliza. We have Ashby to thank for it.

2. BOGO (Buy One, Get One) bars for everyone

Another thing we like to go “all in” on? Saving money. And right now our friends at All In are giving us a fantastic deal on some seriously tasty snacks. To get a free (!!!) box of their organic snack bars, sign up with your phone number on Aisle, grab two boxes of All In bars at Sprouts, snap a pic of your receipt, and text it through Aisle. They’ll Venmo or PayPal you back for the cost of one box, and then all you have left to do is enjoy your new favorite treat. Easy peasy.

3. Conrad vs. Jeremiah 

@adelaidesdetours Replying to @user2411812280930 @hannah.1.2 and I came in hot to convince @Kennedy Bilse to join the Team Conrad train. @the summer i turned pretty ♬ original sound - adelaidesdetours

First, some background: Unless you’ve been living under a rock this summer, you probably know that the show everyone’s been watching is The Summer I Turned Pretty, a series based on the best-selling books written by Jenny Han. Essentially, it’s a story about a love triangle between Isabella “Belly” Conklin and her two lifelong best friends Jeremiah and Conrad Fisher. Now on its third season, we find Belly engaged to Jeremiah despite possibly (most definitely) harboring feelings for her ex (and Jeremiah’s brother!!!), Conrad. Jeremiah’s busy at work, so Conrad takes it upon himself to help Belly with planning her and Jeremiah’s wedding.

While the jury’s still out on who Belly will end up with, fans of the show have taken to social media to make elaborate arguments on which of the boys she should pick (and, sorry Jeremiah, but everyone is mostly #TeamConrad). In our favorite video, the creator adelaidesdetours creates a multi-part, in-depth slide deck that serves not only as a deep dive into Conrad Fisher’s character (he’s guarded! He’s grieving his mom!) but also as a treatise into why Conrad is the superior choice. If that weren’t extra enough, there’s also a third part to the powerpoint about why Jeremiah is wrong for Belly. Her argument is airtight, and her commitment to the bit is impressive (she even presents this slideshow to a Jeremiah supporter at work). All we can say is: nicely done. Team Conrad all the way.

4. These nursery rhyme-inspired raps 

@kaylonpatecia Part 2 #nurseryrhyme #babyshower ♬ original sound - KaylonPatecia

Let’s be honest: We don’t usually associate baby showers with loud music and party vibes. This one, though? Seems like the greatest baby shower of all time. These videos, posted to TikTok by content creator KaylonPatecia, show how friends and family transformed her baby shower into a vocal showdown worthy of the movie Pitch Perfect. Instead of singing a capella, though, these partygoers layered G-rated nursery rhymes like “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” and “Humpty Dumpty” over tracks like Juvenile’s “Back That Azz Up” and “Get Low” by Lil John and the East Side Boyz. The creativity, the planning, and the talent that went into making these almost defies belief, and this is undoubtedly a memory the entire family will be able to treasure for years.

5. This scavenger hunt marriage proposal 

@taylorarenz In honor of my brothers wedding week❤️I dare you to not cry at the best proposal ever! A scavenger hunt all through the city of Houston to her favorite places and most meaningful spots with her friends surprising her at each spot! #wedding #proposal #couples#proposalstory #marriage #viral #bestvideo #weddingtiktok #proposalvideo #surprise #fy #fyp @Pubity @Proposals Video ♬ Beautiful Girls - Sean Kingston

Finally, we have one of the most unforgettable examples of going all in that we’ve ever seen—a marriage proposal. In a TikTok posted by content creator Taylor Arenz, she shows how her brother planned an elaborate scavenger hunt across Houston to propose to his girlfriend. At each stop—all locations that were meaningful to their relationship—she was greeted by a friend or family member who would present her with a pre-recorded video message guiding her to the next destination. The entire thing was filmed, photographed, and capped off with an in-person, heartfelt proposal infant of a huge “MARRY ME” sign in the pouring rain. Talk about show-stopping. Hats off to this guy, who just set the bar sky-high for everyone else planning a proposal. He definitely went all in—and since they’re married now, clearly so did she.

Snag your free (!!) snack bars here while this deal lasts.

Who doesn't love a good idiom? An idiom, for the uninitiated, is a common saying that means something different than the literal words might suggest. For example, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth," has nothing to do with horses and refers to the fact that you should be grateful and not critical of something someone has given you for free.

Idioms are weird, funny, catchy, and have an incredible ability to convey a lot of meaning in a small number of words. They often have strange or unique origins and evolve over time as they become a key part of the cultural lexicon.

idioms, endangered idioms, weird idioms, funny idioms, catchphrases, common sayings, words of wisdom, english language, words, funny "Working like a dog," is a popular idiom, even though dogs are notoriously lazy. Giphy

Sadly, not all idioms are made to last. Some of the oldest ones get phased over time as their meanings are lost, and new ones get adopted by the masses. A lot of our most famous idioms come from old English times, but newer ones like "Drink the Kool-Aid," "Jumping the shark," or even "Thanks, Obama" originated in the last few decades. (Admittedly, the line between idiom and meme is getting extremely thin).

For new idioms to arise, some old ones have to go. A research study carried out by Perspectus Global recently identified idioms that may be in danger of falling out of the English language very soon. The group asked 2,000 people aged 18 to 50 whether they used any of a list of fifty expressions.

Here are some of the best idioms that most people no longer use. Humbly, I'm begging you all to reconsider.

idioms, endangered idioms, weird idioms, funny idioms, catchphrases, common sayings, words of wisdom, english language, words, funny Please don't let these idioms die out, I'm begging you! Giphy

1. A few sandwiches short of a picnic

This one is used to refer to someone who's not very intelligent. A little like "The lights are on, but no one's home," or "Not the sharpest tool in the shed."

It's origin is relatively recent, but it just hasn't caught on; probably because it's a little mean. Fifty-three percent of respondents said they don't use the phrase and, honestly, that's a shame because I think this is a slightly nicer alternative to some of the other "stupid" idioms, and it's always fun to think about sandwiches.

2. Colder than a witch's tit

Part idiom, part simile, this one is definitely on its way out. Seventy-one percent said they don't use the phrase, which makes sense because it's a little sexist and vulgar. Not to mention, it originates from the days of the Salem Witch Trials, a time we don't remember fondly.

This one could still work in the right circumstances, though—say, on a frosty Halloween evening. "It's cold as balls," another common and vulgar idiom, is getting tired and stale. This one could be worth rotating in every now and then.

3. Know your onions

idioms, endangered idioms, weird idioms, funny idioms, catchphrases, common sayings, words of wisdom, english language, words, funny Know your onions Photo by mayu ken on Unsplash

World Wide Words writes, "It was one of a set of such phrases, all with the sense of knowing one’s stuff, or being highly knowledgeable in a particular field, that circulated in the 1920s. Others were to know one’s oats, to know one’s oil, to know one’s apples, to know one’s eggs, and even to know one’s sweet potatoes."

Sixty-eight percent of people don't use this idiom, which means it's highly endangered. I, however, think it's catchy enough that it deserves to hang around a little longer.

4. A nod is as good as a wink

In full, this idiom was originally "A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse." It's a catchy turn of phrase that indicates that a subtle suggestion or hint has been understood and that there's no need to elaborate or over-explain.

It's an old one, originating from the 1700s, but it's still useful, in my opinion, and I know more than a few people who are prone to over-explaining when a simple "nod" would do.

5. A stitch in time saves nine

Another one from the 1700s, this idiom is used as advice to deal with problems straight on and right away.

Metro UK writes, "It’s believed to have had its origins in sewing, the idea being that if you mend a small tear with one stitch, it will prevent it from becoming a bigger tear which might need more stitches–nine, in fact–to repair."

Sixty-four precent of respondents don't use this idiom anymore, but maybe they should. It rhymes and the advice is solid; that much will never go out of style.

6. I've dropped a clanger

You use this one when you've made a big or embarrassing mistake. I'd never heard of it before, but when I read it I immediately started laughing out loud.

That's a good enough reason that more than just 40% of the population should be using it regularly.

7. A fly in the ointment

idioms, endangered idioms, weird idioms, funny idioms, catchphrases, common sayings, words of wisdom, english language, words, funny A fly in the ointment Photo by VD Photography on Unsplash

Referring to an unexpected annoyance that ruins a good thing, I remember this idiom from when I was a kid. Apparently, though, it's rapidly fading from the lexicon. Fifty-nine percent say they never use it, even though it comes to us all the way from the Bible.

It was probably the inspiration for Alanis Morissette's lyric, "A black fly in your chardonnay."

8. A flash in the pan

Another one I remember from my childhood, "a flash in the pan" is still barely hanging around. It's often used to describe the equivalent of a musical one-hit wonder, i.e. someone or something that's here one day and gone the next with little cultural impact.

I always thought it had to do with cooking, like a quick burst of flame when you add oil to a hot pan, but it actually refers to 17th century muskets and gunpowder exploding. Mental Floss writes, "Sometimes, the fire wouldn’t carry on to the powder in the barrel, and a “flash” in the gun’s pan had no effect. Therefore, a flash in the pan with no projectile was much ado about nothing."

9. Storm in a teacup

Over half of people surveyed either don't use this idiom or aren't familiar with it, which really is a shame. This turn of phrase is honestly adorable and visceral!

Sometimes called "tempest in a teapot," this one means "an exaggerated uproar over a minor or trivial matter" according to Grammarist. It comes all the way from the Roman philosopher Cicero who once used the phrase "storm in a ladle." I think we can agree that teacup is cuter.

10. Dead as a doornail

I used to hear people say this one all the time, but if you pressed me now, I'd be hard-pressed to remember the last time I heard it used. The survey backs that up, with 55% of people saying they never use the expression.

The idiom was famously used in Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, and according to Upworthy writer Annie Reneau, "Way back when, nails were made by hand and quite valuable. People would salvage and repurpose nails whenever they could. The way doornails were bent and driven into the backside of a door made it virtually impossible for them to be reused as a nail. ...So not only are doornails dead simply because they're nails, but because their future potential for any other use is also dead. They are doubly dead, if you will. Extra deceased."

Now that I know where it comes from, I find myself wanting to bring it back!

11. Not enough room to swing a cat

Talk about idioms you can see. This one is extremely visceral, and refers to a small space without much room to, well, you get the idea.

This is a great example of how idioms evolve over time. The "cat" in the phrase actually doesn't refer to swinging a live cat by its tail, but it's a reference to a "cat o' nine tails" whip. Dictionary.com writes, "This expression, first recorded in 1771, is thought to allude to the cat-o'-nine-tails, or 'cat,' a whip with nine lashes widely used to punish offenders in the British military."

12. Popped her clogs

We've needed a fresh death idiom for a while now. "Kicked the bucket" is so played out. "Popped her clogs," is only used by less than half of the population, making it ripe for a comeback.

Grammarist takes a shot at the origin of this strange phrase: "To work in a factory, one had to wear clogs to protect his or her feet. It was also common in those days to pawn things to help tide you over to the next payday. Another word for pawn was pop. Then there is a stretch made in the story. If you were going to die, you wouldn’t need your clogs anymore, so you would pop them. ...Though, if you were going to die, why would you need more money?"

13. Steal my thunder

idioms, endangered idioms, weird idioms, funny idioms, catchphrases, common sayings, words of wisdom, english language, words, funny Steal my thunder Photo by Leon Contreras on Unsplash

I still use this all the time, but I must be in the minority, because the research shows that over half of all people never say it.

The origin of "steal my thunder" is fascinating and weird. The story goes that a playwright by the name of John Dennis invented a machine in 1709 to use in one of his shows—the machine could create a noise that sounded exactly like a clap of thunder. Well, his play sucked and was quickly replaced by a run of Macbeth. The new production wound up using his thunder machine without permission, prompting him to proclaim, “They will not let my play run, but they steal my thunder!“

14. Cool as a cucumber


idioms, endangered idioms, weird idioms, funny idioms, catchphrases, common sayings, words of wisdom, english language, words, funny Cool as a cucumber Photo by Mockup Graphics on Unsplash

Now I'm not a big cucumber fan, but in researching these idioms I did learn that cucumbers, due to their high water content, can stay six to seven degrees cooler than the outside temperature. That makes them an extremely refreshing choice on a hot day.

Overall, I still prefer "cooler than the other side of the pillow," but the cucumber idiom is less wordy and has some fun alliteration. It deserves to be in regular circulation, but unfortunately, the data shows it's dying out.

15. See a man about a dog

Ever heard someone say this before excusing themselves to go to the bathroom? Mensa explains it: "The phrase ‘to see a man about a dog’ is an old but fairly common expression that appeared in English in the late 19th century. It is a wry excuse or mild fib declared with a wink: 'I am going out and do not want to tell you where I am going.'"

The origin is a little complicated and goes back to the days of dog racing, prohibition, and more. Sometimes it's "see a man about a horse."

In any case, I think clever quips you can use before leaving the room are always good to have in your back pocket, so this is your reminder to hold onto this one.

Can you eat the same thing for lunch every single day?

We all know people's relationships with food varies, but many of us may not realize how vastly that spectrum differs. On one end, we have people whose entire lives revolve around food. On the other are people who genuinely don't care about it and wish they didn't ever have to think about food.

Most of us exist somewhere in the middle, but one man's lunch habits have people pondering exactly where they land on that spectrum—as well as how much their position on it is costing them.

food, yummy, delicious, eating, relationship with food Some of us love food a lot more than others. Giphy

"There's this guy in my office who brings the same lunch to work every single day: one hard-boiled egg, a scoop of rice, and half an avocado," a user on Reddit wrote. "He says it costs him about $1.25 per meal. No snacks, no drinks besides water. Just that. Every. Day."

"At first I thought he was doing some sort of minimalist diet or maybe struggling financially, but nope.." they continued, "he’s just super into optimizing his expenses. Says he’s calculated that this routine saves him over $2,500 a year compared to when he used to eat out. He meal preps it all in bulk on Sunday, packs it into identical containers, and doesn’t seem to get bored at all. Even when we order pizza or someone brings in donuts, he politely declines and says, 'Already got my lunch.'"


from Frugal

The person said they were impressed with their coworker's discipline but they could never do it because they need variety. Then they asked if anyone else goes "this hard with frugal food routines," which got people sharing their experiences with others on the extreme of the "caring about food" spectrum:

"Some people just don’t like food. They just see eating as a necessary bodily function and nothing more. I suspect that might be this guy's secret."

"I'm that guy. I used to do the same for work, and now I'm 71, and I have the identical breakfast, lunch, and dinner Monday through Friday."

"You sound like my vegan great uncle. He's in his late '70s but is healthy as a horse. He wakes up at 5:00 a.m. and walks 5 miles. He then spends 30 minutes chopping his veggies and fruits and preparing his meals for the day. For breakfast he has almond milk, oats, and fruit. For lunch and dinner he has some combination of grilled peppers, vegetables, spinach, tofu, and beans. At night he snacks on Rosemary crackers dipped in olive oil.

My mom said that he told her that he has been eating that same diet for the last 50 years."

food, eating, vegetables, cooking, nutrition Some people eat purely for health and nutrition.Photo credit: Canva

"Some people eat because they have to, not because they want to. You can usually tell because they are ones meal-prepping and eating the exact same thing the whole week. They don't want to think about food. It's the people that say 'if you give me a pill and I wouldn't have to eat, I would take the pill.'"

"I’d even take photosynthesis and have green skin if it meant I could not have to eat."

"100%. Have said before that if there was a pill I could take that was free, 100% nutritionally perfect, never leave me hungry, mean perfect muscle growth, etc, and replaced all my meals but meant that I couldn't eat regular food again, I would take it.

Some people usually agree and some others think I'm completely crazy. It is usually one or the other."

food, eating, pill, meals, relationship with food Some people would take a pill if it meant they didn't have to eat food. Giphy

While there's nothing wrong with enjoying food—cooking is an art, after all—there are several reasons people might want to explore a more detached relationship with it. For one, it can save you money, but it also might help you eat more healthfully. The Cleveland Clinic lists healthy habits and eating less (which most Americans could benefit from) as pros for eating the same meal every day. As long as you're getting some food variety for gut and nutritional health, repeating meals can simplify healthy eating while also saving time and energy.

It's also not a new concept. The ancient Stoics took a moderate and self-disciplined approach to food, seeing it as a simply a means to good health and strength. Eating slowly and mindfully, avoiding gluttony and heavy or expensive foods, and mastering the appetite as a means of self-control are hallmarks of the Stoic approach to eating. Eating the same simple, cheap, but healthy meal for lunch every day is certainly one way to live that philosophy.

food, eating, meals, lunch, food prep Simplifying our approach to food can be healthy.Photo credit: Canva

Some of us go far in the other direction, making every meal a major food event, but there's something to be said for letting food just be fuel sometimes. Letting food be unexciting can be difficult when we have an emotional relationship with eating, though. Kylie Mitchell, a counselor specializing in eating disorders, wrote that as she recovered from her eating disorder, she had to remind herself that "every meal does NOT have to be a gourmet experience." She explained how food becoming boring was a transition for her emotionally:

"As my recovery has progressed, I’ve experienced food become less and less interesting. At first, quite honestly, I felt like it sucked. What once brought me so much joy* didn’t anymore because eating satisfying food was no longer a novelty. I ate satisfying foods every time I wanted them and that brought a lot of positives: a less turbulent relationship with food, ease with eating out, and more brain space to focus on living a more whole life. All these things were good (actually they were fan-freaking-tastic), but the sensational, exuberant, flooded-with-relief feeling I once got when eating was gone. I missed that for a while because for several years eating gave me such a high** that I wasn’t getting anymore.

*it wasn’t truly 'joy' I was feeling though. It was really a sense of control that gave me a short term sense of stability over my mood.

**same as above but replace 'joy' with 'a high.'"

This isn't to say that eating can't or shouldn't be a joyful experience, but rather to acknowledge that our relationships with food can be complicated (especially in the U.S. where we have an abundance of food options). Whether we would choose to eat an egg, rice, and avocado every single day for lunch ourselves, the wide range of perspectives on food means we have a lot that we can learn from one another to create a healthy balance.

This Manager thinks PTO is for vacation, not "life changing events."

What does it take to be a good boss? You can answer this a million different ways—by being a clear communicator, earning employee trust, providing constructive feedback, and fostering a positive and supportive work environment while also being open to feedback and recognizing your team's contributions—but really, it all seems to stem from respecting your employees as fellow human beings.

Part of that means acknowledging that these employees have lives that are, frankly, more important to them than the job, and not penalizing them for it. One manager, and Gen Zer no less, seems to fully understand this basic principle, and folks are applauding her for it.

Elizabeth Beggs, who manages a five-person team for a packaging distribution company in Virginia, recently made a TikTok sharing which time-off requests she “rejects. ”You’ll see why “rejects” is in quotes shortly.

One example: when a female rep notified Beggs that she was likely having a miscarriage. After the team member asked how she can file for time off to see to the issue, Beggs immediately responded, “Girl, go to the doctor! We’re not submitting time off for that!”

In Beggs’ mind, PTO is for “vacation,” not medical emergencies. What a concept.

@bunchesofbeggs

Edited to clarify- 1. My team is all salary. 2. These examples are not all recent or from my current position. 3. My team works hard and hits thier KPIs above and beyond. Time off is meant to recharge and be used how you need it, not to handle life changing events #mangers #corporate #genzmanagers #sales #vetstocorporate #veterans

Beggs went on to explain a couple more situations, like when one employee—a parent—was “up all night” with their sick kid. And her last one wasn’t even negative—she had an employee who wanted to work a half-day to do something nice for their anniversary.

“Seriously, if any of these triggered anyone, then you need to evaluate how you run your team as a manager,” she concluded.

By and large, the response to Beggs’ management style has been overwhelmingly positive, and people seem to find it completely refreshing.

“You are not a manager, you’re a LEADER,” one person wrote.

@bunchesofbeggs

Everything you do should be to better your team, not to make your life easier #leadership #ownership #corporatelife #veteran #military

Another said, “The better you treat your employees, the more loyal they will be and the better work they will put out. Most people do not understand how management works.”

A few noted how this attitude seems to be more present among younger leaders. One person commented, "millennial manager here. My team members are human first, employees second. Like just go do what you want but get the work done too.”

Another joked that “Boomer managers could NEVER.”

Beggs would later clarify this doesn’t mean she doesn't have clear productivity expectations for her team (who work on salary). Perhaps if she had a team member not making their KPIs (key performance indicators), there would be an additional conversation surrounding time off, but there is still an inherent respect as a fellow human being. Which, to her, means treating bona fide time off as a way to “recharge and be used how you need it, not to handle life changing events.”

@bunchesofbeggs

If you’re planning does not account for people being human- it’s bad planning #genzleaders #armyvet #militaryvet #genz #corporatelife #corporate #manager #timeoff

Younger generations might get labeled “lazy” or “entitled,” but they are also the ones fighting to change the status quo so that we all may be treated less like cogs in the machine, and more like actual human beings. Its leaders like Beggs who show that operating in new ways doesn't compromise productivity—it, in fact, enhances it. We might not be able to change the global standard overnight, but we certainly aren’t going to get to a better place without leaders who choose to serve their community rather than a bottom line.

This article originally appeared in March.

Family

Dad praised for calling out his mother-in-law for body shaming his 11-year-old daughter

"Comments like these are how insecurity starts at a young age that turns into something much more harmful as she ages."

@jonfromfridai/TikTok

"I told her that she can't say sh*t like that in my house."

Many of us grew up receiving off-handed body shaming comments from family members. We experienced firsthand how damaging these messages could be for our self esteem and relationship with food.

So now as parents, we naturally want to protect our kids from being exposed to similar messaging…even if it means telling a family member off.

This was the situation that Jon Lau found himself in during a family dinner one night, when his mother in-law (with whom he has an overall “great” relationship but who does say some "senseless" things on occasion) made a comment about his 11-year-old daughter’s belly. Yikes, hearing that alone elicits a visceral reaction, doesn’t it?

As Lau explained on TikTok, he and his family were enjoying a takeout meal of fried chicken. Lau’s daughter was eating some of that chicken along with pickles that were added as a side dish. That’s when grandma apparently said that the girl should eat more pickles so that “she wouldn't have such a pudgy belly.”

dads, girls dads, asian dads, mother in law, body image, body shaming kids, body image for kids “Number one…eating more pickles does not negate the calories that you're consuming."Photo credit: Canva

Cue Jon’s (understandable) rage.

“Number one, that doesn't make sense. Like calories in, calories out, like eating more pickles does not negate the calories that you're consuming. So yes, that doesn't make sense,” he said.

But more than the lack of logic, Jon was moved by the look that swept across his daughter’s face, especially considering that she had already been displaying signs of dealing with body image issues. Apparently, a few days prior, the girl had been talking with her older sister about joining track, not because she enjoyed running, but because “she didn't want to look so fat compared to her classmates.”

So, needless to say, Jon was “set off.”

@jonfromfridai I rarely get angry, but my MIL made my livid with her comment about my daughter. #girldad #bodyimage #teens #parenting ♬ original sound - Jon

He recalled, “I went off on my mother-in-law, and I told her that she can't say sh*t like that in my house. She could never say that. Anything like that again to my daughter and that it harms her self-image ... She's entering an age where body image is very sensitive.” For what it’s worth, Jon’s wife also heard the comment and told her mom to not says such things.

The mother-in-law’s immediate defense against this kind of defiance was to downplay the whole thing, saying that the comment was “harmless” and didn’t actually mean anything.

“And I explained to her that, no, it's not harmless whatsoever, it's very harmful. Comments like these are how insecurity starts at a young age that turns into something much more harmful as she ages. Especially during an age where she's starting to discover her body.”

Jon, as we know, was unequivocally right in this situation, and other adults in the comments section rallied to praise him for standing up for his daughter.

“I am a dietitian and I promise it is harmful. I meet with women of all ages and they ALL remember these comments, even as adults!”

“As a daughter of Asian parents who dealt with this her entire life, thank you for standing up for your daughter 😭.”

“11 is the exact age you should NEVRR say this :(.”

“It takes 100 positive comments to undo 1 negative comment.”

“I’m so glad you made that boundary.”

And then there was this very powerful comment:

“You also stood up for your wife. I'm sure she grew up hearing the same comments from her mom,” one user wrote.

To that, Jon replied, “You’re not wrong.”

These remarks might seem like nothing to the ones dishing them out, but the truth is…they stay with you. And rewiring your brain to not internalize these comments is very, very difficult. Kids, and especially young girls, need this kind of protection, even if it means telling grandma to keep her comments to herself.

Pop Culture

Job candidate accidentally gets emailed 'full rundown' of their interview, and wonders what to do

Do I just pretend I didn’t see the recap and change up my personality for this next meeting?!

Most of the time we're left in the dark as to how a job interview went.

So much of job hunting often feels like putting a ton of energy out into the ether. You have no idea if your resume is getting looked at, you never hear back after sending out application after application, and you end up wondering if the job you applied for even really exists. Even if you do make it to an interview, there’s rarely any feedback that comes after it, let alone a job offer.

Well, one job candidate did receive some post-interview feedback—albeit by accident—and it raised a dilemma about what to do next.

On Reddit, the candidate explained that after logging off of a Zoom interview, which they thought went pretty well, they noticed that the company they applied to unwittingly sent them not only a full rundown on the interview (including their thoughts on the job candidate), but a to-do list for the week as well.

job hunting, job interview, interview tips, finding a job, job tips, finding a job "I wonder if I just need to kick it up a notch?!”Photo credit: Canva

Much to their surprise, the company wrote that the OP “lacked energy” and was “more subdued” than other candidates.

“I suppose it’s not the worst feedback but it sucks to hear I don’t have this “energy” they’re looking for. I’m always super calm in interviews and generally laid back, so I wonder if I just need to kick it up a notch?!” they wrote.

In a “spicy update,” this person gave even more context alongside a surprising discovery: they noticed that there was also a video of their conversation. In it, the executive director actually commended this person for their "chillness." The other newly hired director, however, was the one that remarked that the OP’s communication skills "felt like pulling teeth." Only then did the executive director have a change of heart, saying their "energy was muted."

Then there was talk of which restaurant to eat at for a team dinner, and the difficulties of getting a dog sitter. Wow.

job hunting, job interview, interview tips, finding a job, job tips, finding a job “I suppose it’s not the worst feedback but it sucks to hear" media4.giphy.com

To make matters more complicated, this person was still invited to an in-person interview, which left them wondering, “Do I just pretend I didn’t see the recap and change up my personality for this next meeting?! Has anyone else accidentally received feedback after an interview?”

Turns out, similar situations have happened to several people.

"This actually happened to me a couple of months ago. I was the only woman among three men interviewing for the same role. An interviewer accidentally sent me all our feedback. It was interesting to catch his bias because what he criticized me for, he praised in another candidate. It was a blessing in disguise because I thought I was coming across as thoughtful and measured, but his comments were that I was 'meek.' Where I was 'hesitant,' the other candidate 'put thought into it.’ Mind you, this guy didn’t ask any questions and said he knew nothing about the job. It was on me to ask him questions, and he was going to judge based on that. WTF. I was (and am) annoyed by it, but it was an interesting lesson."

"This happened to a friend of mine in 2021. I said, consider it free career advice. He did, addressed the points, and landed a better job."

"I’ve had this happen to me. They put me on hold on Zoom and started chatting with each other about me in the chat box. They didn’t exclude me from it, so I saw everything. Luckily, it was all good things, but I didn’t like the unprofessionalism in that."

"This happened to me once! The feedback was generally very positive, but there were some technical questions I stumbled a bit on. I knew I did this during the interview, too, so it was a fairly good representation of how I thought I did. I did take a job there, and they definitely knew they accidentally sent it (and were mortified)! I brought it up regularly in good fun and likely during the in-person interview because that’s who I am."

For some, the “feedback” they got was even more outrageous than noting lackluster energy.

job hunting, job interview, interview tips, finding a job, job tips, finding a job "They put me on hold on Zoom and started chatting with each other about me in the chat box." media4.giphy.com

"This happened to me once, but the feedback was, 'She seems great, but has a HUGE gap in her teeth.' I can confirm I do have a gap in my front teeth, but it's similar to Madonna's. It was so bizarre. I sent a very snarky response back telling them that they should contact HR about a course in professionalism and asked to be withdrawn from the application process."

"I know someone who was immediately fired for accidentally sharing a notes document on interview candidates that had details about age relative to the other candidates. The candidate saw that the note about them said something like 'older.' They sued the company and won."

By and large, people suggested that the OP definitely use the information to their advantage, but advise against trying to get in with a company that would make such egregious offenses.

That said, the OP ended up getting their “dream job” before that second interview, so it’s probably all a dodged bullet.