We live in a world that tempts us every day to be less empathetic. Whether it's the conflict-driven world of social media, the daily disasters we see on the news, or the victims of mental illness we see on the streets. Seeing and feeling others' pain can be overwhelming.
However, as humans we are hard-wired to be empathetic. We aren't just self-serving beings whose relationships are wholly transnational in nature. We have evolved to give without receiving, to feel for those we've never met, and to cooperate and provide mutual aid in our communities.
Roman Krznaric, Ph.D., a founding faculty member of The School of Life in London and empathy adviser to the United Nations, made a list of six ways that we can cultivate empathy to be better members of our community and planet.
Habit 1: Cultivate curiosity about strangers
Highly empathetic people are very interested in strangers. They will chat with the person behind them in line at the supermarket and crack a joke or two with the gas station teller.
But cultivating curiosity in others isn't just about small talk. Krznaric believes one of the best ways to cultivate this curiosity is to challenge yourself to have one conversation with a stranger a week. "All it requires is courage," he wrote.
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Habit 2: Challenge prejudices and discover commonalities
It's very easy to label other people based on their social identities, e.g. "soccer mom" or "hipster." These labels often prevent us from getting to really know them or explore our commonalities.
To cultivate an attitude of empathy, try to engage in label-free thinking, and focus on the things you share in common instead.
Habit 3: Try another person's life
Sometimes our lifestyles become so ingrained that that those who live differently than us become increasingly foreign. To break that cycle, why not try someone else's life on for a while?
"If you are religiously observant, try a 'God Swap,' attending the services of faiths different from your own, including a meeting of Humanists," Krznaric writes. "Or if you're an atheist, try attending different churches! Spend your next vacation living and volunteering in a village in a developing country."
Habit 4: Listen hard—and open up
Krznaric says there are two different traits required for being an empathetic conversationalist: radical listening and vulnerability.
"What is essential is our ability to be present to what's really going on within—to the unique feelings and needs a person is experiencing in that very moment," Marshall Rosenberg, psychologist and founder of Non-Violent Communication (NVC), said about radical listening.
Vulnerability involves "removing our masks and revealing our feelings to someone is vital for creating a strong empathic bond," Krznaric writes. Whereas "empathy is a two-way street that, at its best, is built upon mutual understanding—an exchange of our most important beliefs and experiences."
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Habit 5: Inspire mass action and social change
One can increase their own empathetic abilities by supporting organizations that encourage its growth in the world. Krznaric recommends Canada's pioneering Roots of Empathy, a teaching program that has benefited over a million school kids.
We can also help sow the seeds of empathy by creating spaces in social media for it to flourish. Krznaric believes that social media can convince us to care deeply about the suffering of distant strangers.
Habit 6: Develop an ambitious imagination
It's important to empathize with people who we perceive as "enemies." Understanding those with whom we disagree or are in engaged in conflict with, gives us a strategic ability to help change their course or come to a compromise.
This is known as "instrumental empathy" and it can go a long way.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.