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Snooping mom who thought she caught teen babysitter smoking a cigar was hilariously wrong

"Keep your habits private from the kids!"

via Sarah Holderr/ Twitter

Sarah Holder looking at her phone.

Anyone with a Nextdoor account knows that some neighbors are terribly nosy. There are also a lot of folks who love to complain … about everything. These looky-loos can also be especially suspicious of what the local teenagers are doing.

Sarah Holder, a teenager from Overland Park, Kansas, babysits for her neighbor, Amy. One day, Amy texts Sarah saying that her husband, Randy, caught her smoking while driving her car. First, Randy should have minded his own business. Secondly, if he has a problem with her smoking, he could have talked to her about it personally. There's no need to narc on her to his wife.

Amy's big problem was that there were a lot of children on the street, and she didn't want Sarah to set a bad example for them.

smoking, teenagers, nieghbors, babysitters, driving, text messages, A text sent to Sarah Holder.via Sarah Holderr/ Twitter

]In the text, she refers to a "a cigar of some sort," which seems like she was accusing Sarah of smoking a blunt—a cigar with marijuana rolled into it. This makes sense because it's rare to see a teenage girl smoking a cigar, especially these days when teenagers are a lot more fond of vaping than smoking cigarettes.

Even though Amy was accusing her of an illegal act, Sarah responded with good humor, admitting that, in fact, she was only eating a taquito, which from a distance, could look like a cigar. "Hey, it was just a taquito, no bad habits here," she responded to Amy with a happy face emoji.

taquitos, sarah holder, x, cigars, funny texts, kansas, habitsSarah Holder showing a half-eaten taquito.via Sarah Holderr/ Twitter

"I feel bad because in my opinion [my neighbor] is crazy nice and I get where she's coming from," Sarah told BuzzFeed News. "She hasn't responded, I'm assuming out of embarrassment."

Sarah told the Daily Mail that she was quick to defend herself because she didn't want people to think that she was a smoker. "'I didn't want all my neighbors and friends to think I was setting a bad example. I do not smoke," said. "'My family does know and my mother was excited about my 'fame.' My neighbor has not replied and I have not seen them since."

Sarah posted the interaction on a since-deleted Twitter post, which completely blew up, earning over 280,000 likes. And, of course, the folks on Twitter had a lot to say about Amy and her nosy hubby. A lot of people in the comments thought that Amy and Randy need to butt out of other people's business.


All in all, the story is a great reminder to all of us to be careful about making assumptions about people, especially when we see them from a distance. Sometimes, what seems like a nefarious act—a teen smoking a cigar—is really just the neighborhood babysitter enjoying a delicious snack.

This article originally appeared six years ago.

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Body Image

News anchor has the ultimate response to a man who told her to dress ‘like a normal woman’

"These are my pants. I like them. I bought them."

via KGW-TV / YouTube

NBC correspondent Maggie Vespa

One of the major differences between women and men is that women are often judged based on their looks rather than their character or abilities. "Men as well as women tend to establish the worth of individual women primarily by the way their body looks, research shows. We do not do this when we evaluate men," Naomi Ellemers Ph.D. wrote in Psychology Today.

Dr. Ellers believes that this tendency to judge a woman solely on her looks causes them to be seen as an object rather than a person. "As a result of focusing on their outwardly visible features, we are tempted to overlook their inner states, ignore markers of their intentions, beliefs, and desires, and less likely to empathize with their plight," Ellers continued.

Women in the spotlight are constantly being judged based on their looks rather than their performance in a given field. Serena Williams once won the French Open but all the press was about what she wore on the court.

For example, Hillary Clinton has been constantly being criticized throughout her political life for what she wore or her hair style rather than her accomplishments.

Maggie Vespa, a news anchor at KGW-TV in Portland, was criticized for how she dresses by a male viewer, so she brilliantly took the incident and used it as a way to talk about the double standards women face.

Maggie Vespa, Portland, NBC, Chicago, sexism, twitter, XThe sexist message Maggie Vespa receivedTwitter

"Just wanted to let you know that the clothes you've been wearing, especially those crazy pants that ride half way up your torso, are not cool looking, in any way!," Jeffrey, a male viewer, wrote to Vespa on Facebook. You're way too pretty to look so foolish."

The next day, he sent her another message. "OMG, you really looked uncomfortably tonight. Try dressing like a normal woman. Doesn't KGW pay you enough for a wardrobe makeover?" Jeffrey wrote.

Maggie Vespa, Portland, Chicago, sexism, twitter, XAnother sexist message sent to Maggie VespaTwitter

Vespa posted about the emails on social media and received hundreds of responses, so she carved out a few minutes to discuss the situation on the news.

"Let's just get this out of the way at the top. This is dumb," Vespa responded.

There was no way she was going to start dressing for the male gaze.

"These are my pants. I like them. I bought them."

Maggie went on to show photos of five different pairs of high-waisted pants that she wore in the week following Jeffrey's messages. Maggie's colleagues also got in on it, donning high-waisted pants to show their support.

Maggie Vespa, NBC, Portland, Chicago, Twitter, sexismMaggie Vespa in her previous newsroom via KGW-TV / YouTube

Vespa said the harassment "hit a nerve" with people on social media who used it as an opportunity to discuss "the pressure women obviously face, especially those in the public eye to embody the epitome of physical attractiveness at all times."

"If we don't, it's somehow seen as a sign that we're less credible or less capable and, by and large, guys don't have to deal with this," Vespa continued. " As my awesome male coworkers can and have attested to."

Vespa then brilliantly spun the harassment into an empowering message for women.

"Our goal here is to send a message, to women, to girls, to everyone: Dress how you want, look how you want, and if anybody tries to make you feel less than because of that, that's their problem, not yours," Vespa said.


This article originally appeared six years ago.

maggie vespa
Pop Culture

Tired of 'hacks?' Here are 20 of the best life tips sourced from 21.9 million real people.

All of them are simple and practical. A few might just change your life.

via Arjun Mahadevan/Twitter

Arjun Mahadevan's life pro tip Twitter thread

Arjun Mahadevan gave the world a gift when he crowdsourced the best “life pro tips” from nearly 22 million people. He shared the top 20 in a Twitter thread that’s got over 619,000 views. Mahadevan sourced the tips from the Life Pro Tips subforum on Reddit, which has been running since 2010.

Mahadevan is the CEO of doolaHQ which he calls the “business-in-a-box” for LLCs.

Mahadevan labeled his advice “20 life tips you wish you knew when you were 20,” but they are helpful for everyone regardless of age. They’re useful for anyone who is in a relationship, has a job, or wants to stay sane in an aggravating world.

Many ideas involve reframing how we judge others to see them with more compassion. Mahadevan also has some advice for professionals to prevent them from making embarrassing mistakes or wasting other people’s time.

Sometimes the simplest change in behavior or perspective can drastically affect our lives. Here are Arjun Mahadevan’s 20 life tips you wish you knew when you were 20:

1. "If you’re stuck on an annoying call, put your phone on airplane mode instead of just hanging up. The other person will see 'call failed' instead of 'call ended.'"

2. "When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. That way when you receive spam/advert emails, you will know who sold your info."

3. "Always tell a child who is wearing a helmet how cool you think their helmet is. It will encourage them to always wear it in the future."

4. "When you don't have all the facts, try to give people the most generous reason you can for their behavior. Annoyingly slow driver? Maybe it's a mom with a birthday cake in the back. This mindset will gradually make you less reactive and more compassionate."

5. "Do not try to be the man your father would want you to be. Be the man you would like your son to be. It more clearly defines your own convictions, desires, goals and motivates you to be your best."

6. "When a friend is upset, ask them one simple question before saying anything else: 'Do you want to talk about it or do you want to be distracted from it?'"

7. "After a bad breakup, do 10 things that your ex would never do with you. You'll feel better and realize how much of yourself was being held back."

8. "Before you give your child a unique name, try it out first. Use it on food orders, reservations, appointments where applicable, etc. It’ll give you a glimpse of what they’ll deal with when they’re older and could prevent future issues."

9. "If you need to cancel a hotel reservation but are unable to because of a 24-hour policy, call the company and move your reservation to a later date. Call back within a few days and cancel for no charge."

10. "If you tell someone you need to talk to them, for the love of God give some indication of what you need to talk about, or at least that it's not bad news."

11. "Never send a work email when you’re emotionally compromised. Type it up, save it as a draft, and walk away. Ideally, sleep on it. You’ll make a smarter choice when you're not heated."

12. "Don't just let kids win at games. You can slow it down, you can teach them strategy, but keep it real. Someday, they will beat you fair and square, and it will be a moment they always remember with pride."

13. "When cooking things on aluminum foil, first scrunch the foil up, then lay it loosely flat again out on your baking tray. The juices will stay put—and the food will not stick to the foil half as much, if at all."

14. "If you think of a good idea, write it down. Your brain will try to trick you into thinking you will remember it later, but it's a liar! Therefore: Write it down!"

15. "It takes 4 minutes a day and almost no cost to maintain dental hygiene. It takes a lifetime and a lot of money to correct it. 2-minute brush and mouthwash in the AM, 2-minute brush and floss in the PM."

16. "Don’t wait until you have 'time' to start a fitness program. Because then when you get busy again, you’ll stop. The best time to start is actually when you’re busy. Learning how to fit it in when times are tough means you’ll stick with it over the long haul."

17. "When using text messages or IMs for business, say everything you need to say in the first message. Don’t just say 'hi' or 'hey' or 'are you there' or 'are you busy.'"

18. "Instead of feeling that you've blown the day and thinking, 'I'll get back on track tomorrow, think of each day as a set of four quarters:

• Morning• Midday• Afternoon• Evening

If you blow one quarter, you get back on track for the next quarter."

19. "Many problems in marriage are really just problems with being a bad roommate. Learn how to be a good roommate, and it will solve many of the main issues that plague marriages. This includes communicating about something bothering you before you get too angry."

20. "Ask yourself 'what does it matter to me' the next time you find yourself judging someone for their clothing or hobbies. The more you train yourself to not care about the personal preferences of other people, the more relaxed and nicer you become as a person."

This article originally appeared last year.

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life advice

He said sleep deprivation wasn't a big deal but these parents had very different reactions

It's almost like there's a reason men and women experience the early postpartum months differently.

Unsplash and girl fieri/X

It all started with a (kind of) innocuous post on X.

User Santi Ruiz prefaced his post by saying that he didn't want to "stir the parenting discourse pot."

He was, to put it lightly, not successful.

Responding to another user who had written (now deleted): "Sleep deprivation is for like four months and then you just sleep normally most nights."

Ruiz added on in a quote repost: "The sleep deprivation is fine. It’s totally fine. You suck it up and then it’s over. Grow up."

(Definitely sounds like someone who "doesn't want to stir the pot!")

With the pot sufficiently stirred, Ruiz's post began making its way across the X parenting universe, racking up over 1 million views (to just one thousand Likes... talk about being ratio'd.)

First on the scene were the blue-check dads excitedly agreeing.

"It's all fine. Literally, grow up," one wrote.

"Seriously, I get that it's not fun but stop being so soft," added another.

Another dad chimed in that he just drinks green tea for energy and feels great!

Another posited that if it was really so bad, there wouldn't be so many couples with more than one child!

Reading the replies, you got the sense that these guys really had no idea how the other half lives — or their other half, to be specific.

Luckily...

The moms of X quickly showed up to set the record straight about sleep deprivation being "not that bad."

Clearly, there is a disconnect between the experiences of the average dad in the early post-partum months and the experiences of the average mom.

Shocking, I know!

Could it be... that there's a difference between being the one who carried and birthed a baby and (in many cases) is responsible for feeding it with your body, versus just being there to help out as much as you can?

The stories women shared in the replies and quotes were heartbreaking.

Torture levels of sleep deprivation, hallucinations, and even becoming physically ill.

And probably most frightening of all was the revelation that becoming deeply sleep deprived could lead to a person harming their own baby in extreme cases.

It may come as a shock to the "just drink green tea and take a nap" guys, but chronic sleep deprivation can exacerbate postpartum depression, make you more irritable, increase anxiety, and even make you hallucinate.

For moms, you can pile that on top of the fact that postpartum recovery from the physical and emotional trauma of birth is a process that can take months — and is slowed and hindered by lack of sleep!

Sleep deprivation isn't just something parents deal with for a "few months."

While some people are blessed with babies that sleep early and often, that's not overly typical.

Many babies don't consistently sleep through the night until around 6-12 months old.

But that's not even the whole story.

Breastfeeding moms may have to breastfeed in the middle of the night for 6-18 months or even longer! Some bottle fed babies can stop night-feeding earlier (3-4 months), but many will go for 6 or more months.

Not to mention there are a laughable number of common sleep regression ages — developmental periods where your normally good-sleeper may have trouble. Some experts say there are six or more of these setback stages before your child even turns 2, which feels like a cruel joke when you're living through it.

That is a really long time to have your sleep disrupted every single night!

Even when the disruption becomes relatively minor, it can have tons of adverse mental and physical health effects when it goes on for such a long time.

Surprisingly, "suck it up" is not a credible treatment for chronic sleep loss.

There is one good thing to come out of this discourse: Everyone's mileage may vary. Some people's kids are great sleepers from an early age. Others aren't.

The OP may have wanted to stir up controversy for some extra followers, or maybe he just put his foot in his mouth based on his own not-so-bad experience.

But you can learn a lot by examining the discourse firestorm that came after.

If you truly want children but are scared of sleep deprivation horror stories, just know that it can be managed with the right support. It can be extremely harrowing but it's not a reason to deprive yourself of a family if that's what you want — you may not have it as bad as others have! A lot of the people chiming in to agree probably weren't ill-intentioned, just fortunate.

More importantly, maybe let's not invalidate other parents' experiences and feelings.

Saying that the sleep deprivation wasn't that bad for you is fine, but telling other people they're being soft and to grow up is mind-blowingly oblivious and unnecessary.

Tired parents need all the support we can get — and more importantly, maybe someone to watch the kids so we can take a nap.

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