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Waxers, nurses, and doctors share their unfiltered inner thoughts about your 'privates.'

They're professionals, but they're also human beings.

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There's no need to feel self conscious.

Look, let's just get it out there: It's uncomfortable any time you have to get fully or partially naked for a medical exam or cosmetic procedure. Right? It's natural and part of the process, but while you know that the person on the other end is a professional who's just there to do their job, they're also a human being. Getting naked in front of them in any other context would be extremely weird, and it's hard to completely shut that part of your brain off no matter the setting.

It's amazing how body dysmorphia really knows no bounds. We tend to think of insecurities as focusing on things like the flatness of our stomachs or the size of our noses. But perhaps the thing that people are most self-conscious about is the thing we actually talk about the least.

According to one study, about 30% of men are "dissatisfied" with the size, shape, or appearance of their penis. That number is even higher when it comes to how women feel about their vaginas. A survey done by Refinery29 showed that almost half of women had "concerns" about the appearance of their vulva.

The numbers say anywhere from a third to a half or more of all people think there's something wrong with the way our private parts look. Which begs the question: If we all think we're weird, is anybody really weird at all?

A fascinating Reddit thread recently polled experts on this very topic—people who tend to see an awful lot of genitals in their line of work: Waxing technicians or estheticians. The responses were oddly inspiring.

waxing, brazilian wax, body image, body positivity, medical care, embarrassment, cosmetics, askreddit Steve Carrell gets waxed in "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" Giphy

The prompt asked, "Waxers, how often are you surprised by how a clients genitals look?"

Professional waxers chimed in with their stories and observations. As did doctors, nurses, pelvic floor therapists, urologists, and lots of other pros who work closely with people's unmentionables.

Here are a few of the best responses:

waxing, brazilian wax, body image, body positivity, medical care, embarrassment, cosmetics, askreddit Doctors and cosmetic professionals have literally seen it all. Laura Woolf/Flickr

"Gonna chime in as a doctor - and I would imagine it’s the same for professional waxers. WE. DONT. CARE. And in my case I would be surprised if you’d show me something I’ve never seen before." - feelgoodx

"I use to be very self conscious and insecure about my genitals. I honestly thought I had a weird vagina. But working in this industry has taught me that every one is a snowflake. I’ve seen it all and nothing surprises me. Just clean yourself before coming in." - Wild-Clementine

Not a waxer but I am a labor and delivery nurse. I see a vulva every single day I work, often multiple, and frequently about 3 feet from my face with a spotlight on it lol. Not much surprises me. Most are out of my memory by the time they're clothed or covered up. When it comes to genitals you want to be unremarkable." - tlotd

"Very, very rarely. Shaved, not shaved, lots o’ labia, no labia, etc—it’s all the same to me. I’m just here to work." - Important-Tackle

"never. i have seen it all. scars, hyperpigmentation, unevenness; none of it surprises me. just please wash yourself before coming to me." - pastelmorning

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Nothing surprises me, I'm mostly just focusing on the hair, but i do have a client who has a tuft of hair on the underside of his shaft near the tip of his penis we call his downstairs soul patch." - noorisms

Two big takeaways:

First, outside of obvious mutilations or pathologies, nothing stands out to people who are extremely knowledgeable about genitals. Differences in size, shape, and structure are totally normal and barely even register on the radar!

Second, no matter what you look like down there, good hygiene is always appreciated. A solid tip that extends far beyond the borders of the esthetician's office!

Being embarrassed, self-conscious, or even ashamed of the way your parts look doesn't seem like a big deal, but it can be.


waxing, brazilian wax, body image, body positivity, medical care, embarrassment, cosmetics, askreddit Embarrassment about the nether regions is normal, but it can be harmful if not checked. Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

It's bizarre and tragic that unrealistic beauty standards actually effect the way we perceive our own nether regions. Pornography, media, and inconsiderate past partners all play a role in people developing anxiety about the way their genitals look.

Both men and women can have their sex lives negatively impacted by bad self-image and anxiety over the way they look naked. When the shame is really bad, it can hold them back in relationships, or even stop them from seeking them in the first place.

This shame or embarrassment also unfortunately extends into the medical arena, as well.

Fear of being judged or humiliated can stop women in particular from not just going in for a wax, but from going to the gynecologist, getting breast exams, or asking potentially-embarrassing but critical and life-saving health questions. For their part, men are prone to skipping prostate exams, testicular exams, or conversations about potentially embarrassing topics like erectile dysfunction or bladder problems. None of these things are fun or comfortable, but they're critical for our health!

Experts say sharing your vulnerability with your doctor or cosmetic professional can help. Letting them know you're nervous or embarrassment can signal them to offer you comfort measures. It also helps to be really direct and detailed with what you want or what you want to discuss.

According to Cedars Sinai, "Does sex hurt? Tell your doctor exactly where you feel the pain. Notice that your poop stinks? Try to describe the odor in detail." If you're too embarrassed to talk about it, try writing it down. At some point though, you'll have to get the exam. Just get through it, it gets easier once you build a relationship with your doctor (or waxer!) over time.

If you've ever been a little self-conscious, take it from the experts, from the people who have seen hundreds if not thousands of genitals up close and personal, in the most unflattering lighting and from the worst angles possible: You're totally normal!

This article was originally published last year. It has been updated.

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Men reveal touching compliments women have said to them that pulled their heartstrings

"After 49 years and 8 months together out of the blue she says, 'I’m still in love with you'.

Image via Canva

Men share the most heart-warming things people have told them that had deep impact.

Kind words and compliments can sometimes mean so much more than anticipated. And certain compliments from women to men can have a deep and lasting impact, whether they are from a spouse, parent, friend, or even a stranger.

In an online forum, member kitcat1098 posed the question: "Men, what has a woman told you that touched your heart more than you let on?"

And men did not hold back divulging the impactful things women have said to them. These are 21 of the best compliments a woman has given a man, according to men.

man crying, man tears, man happy tears, emotional man, man emotions Tears Crying GIF Giphy

"A classmate in anthropology class, we were making casual conversation while we examined bones and I told her I had a brother and she asked me 'is he like you? So gentle?' I have very low self esteem, or rather a lot of self loathing. When I get a compliment my instinct is to think I’m being mocked or pitied. That one came out of left field, and it actually got past my mental defenses and connected. It was also genuinely, genuinely touching to me." DPPestDarkestDesires

"Ex gf and I were leaving her families' holiday dinner. I made a casual comment, something to the effect of 'Nana remembered both me and my job. I think she likes me.' And her reply struck me like a lightning bolt. She casually said (while still staring at her phone) 'Of course Nana likes you. You are a genuine and kind person. Who wouldn't like you?' She didn't mean it as a compliment. She said it like an observation that any other person would have made and seemed almost annoyed that I didn't understand how they both apparently saw my interaction with her. I never told her how much that meant to me." whovian5690

"After 49 years and 8 months together out of the blue she says, 'I’m still in love with you'. Separate_Gazelle3481

in love, still in love, love, romantic love, kissing In Love Kiss GIF Giphy

"My mom passed away a couple years ago from Covid and I was her primary caretaker for over 10 years before that. She was a single mom and meant everything to me. I have really bad confidence issues and struggled extremely hard with depression. To be frank, I was a lazy sack of shit. After my mom passed I ended up losing everything and basically ended up having a trial by fire trying to become a functioning adult all within like 2 months. A couple months ago I took my Grandma (her mom) out to lunch and she looked at me and just said 'your mom would be so proud of you.' It hit me like a ton of bricks because I still feel like I'm behind everyone else at my age and haven't really ever experienced that before." EppsXIII

"I’m an engineer and used to be an engineering team leader when my amazing General Manager left for another opportunity. I was asked if I would like to be considered to take his place and oversee sales and construction in addition to engineering, as well as P&L responsibility for the region. I was wavering on it and told my wife, 'I don’t know. (My predecessor) was from more of a sales background and a better public speaker and …..' She told me, 'You don’t need to be (your predecessor). You can just be you and bring your own strengths and leadership qualities.' I got that job and have served in that position for the last 8 years. It was the best career decision I ever made, and thinking about that conversation with my wife still chokes me up." Scintelle

"My girlfriend told me that I'm the father to our daughters that she always wished she had growing up and I think about that all the time." Tydozer_

smile, smiling man, emotional man, happy man, touching moment In Love Awww GIF Giphy

"Two women said, unannounced and without knowing my situation, called me a good dude they could always depend on, without prompt or self pity. It was..really, really, nice to hear." cgtdream

"My wife when she told me she was proud of me for standing up to my emotionally abusive parents after almost 30 years of keeping my mouth shut and being a doormat. I cried, but even that doesn't come close to letting her know how much that meant to me and words can't describe it." Deylar419

"Our daughter was born with a heart defect. She died at 6 weeks old. My wife turned to me a few weeks after the funeral and said 'you’re a rock all the time and I appreciate it more than words will ever be able to express, but it’s time for you to let it out.' I wasn’t okay for quite a few hours after that." BGOG83

"I'm a 50/50 single dad. I was in Walmart and a woman overheard me talking to my son, who was 4 at the time. We crossed paths later on and she stopped me and complimented me on how I talk to my son. 'There aren't very many dads out there who are like that with their children. It's really nice to see.' I was completely stunned and I struggled to maintain my composure with a weak 'Thank you.' I had to stop for a few minutes to process it and I was so overwhelmed that tears were flowing. I've been trying so hard to raise my little guy since he was a year old, struggling at times, trying to do things right. No one ever asks me how I'm doing, I've had people treat me like absolute shit since my breakup and I talk to only a small fraction of the people I used to. His mom and I are on good terms as co-parents and I won't ever budge from that. To have a complete stranger stop and compliment me like that just meant so much." j1ggy

good dad, compliment, nod, agree, yes Proud Schitts Creek GIF by CBC Giphy

"Twenty six years ago a girl told me I had friendly eyebrows." OneTimeIMadeAGif

"'Thank you for bringing dignity to this dump.' -eccentric old lady in McDonald’s. Narrowly, I think she just meant the McDonald’s, since I was wearing a suit, but I choose to apply the sentiment more broadly." BubblyTaro6234

"(I found her father dying from a heart attack). It was a week later after he passed. We were in bed together she said 'you can cry and I won’t tell anyone'. I looked up to that man a lot and how he lived his life." hdlog43

"Had a girl seemingly out of nowhere ask me if I was doing alright yesterday. I don’t think I was putting out negative vibes or anything. It was just a check in. It was kind of awesome." abrandnewanthem

happy, happy man, smiling, happy smile, excited man Happy Lets Go GIF by US Open Giphy

"My wife showed me a picture of her and our daughters getting some froyo and she said 'thanks babe for working so hard so that we can afford a treat on a Tuesday'. Somehow it made me feel like all the hours I slave away and don't have with my family are actually worth something. I got all watery-eyed and happy. It like refueled me." Engininja_180PI

"I’ve been close to only a few girls in my life. And one thing they’ve said about me is that I’m a good listener. I’ve always taken it as a compliment but I honestly don’t know what I did that warranted that comment. I literally just listened to them talk. I don’t take notes or give encouraging comments and honestly, I don’t even remember what they say sometimes. Anyway, I was talking to a girl I’m seeing and I brought this up and she agreed. I was wondering what she thought and was expecting her to give some insight but then she said 'but do they listen to what YOU have to say ?' I was honestly taken aback. I did not expect her to be concerned about that for me. And I was honestly so touched." zool714

"That she feels safe with me." Inside-Cod1550

hug, safety, safe, feel safe, safe feeling couple hug GIF Giphy

"My girlfriend telling me she feels safe being herself around me, and then proceeding to meow at me and us proceeding to meow at each other like two completely normal people." BaconAndVibes

"'You're the only man that has ever treated me with respect.' I wasn't even trying flirt with her, she was my groupmate back in college and I treated her like any other bro. I guess its because she is very attractive that she gets a lot of unwanted male attention. It was both a compliment and something very sad for me." KapePaMore009

"I wasn't the easiest kid to have, nothing crazy but messy, lazy, etc. A few years after moving out my mom said she 'misses me so much' and here I was convinced she was exited to be an empty nester... got to my feels." steadyhands25

"I once had a coworker tell me I looked nice. To her it was probably just something of a nicety. But to me, well I still remember it 10 years later." BaddestKarmaToday


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A 30-year-old woman got dumped. Hundreds cheered her up with their later-in-life love stories.

You can still find the love of your life at 30, 40, and beyond.

via X
Couples who met after 30.

A lot of emotions rise to the surface after being dumped. It can leave a person feeling sad, lonely, confused, rejected and left with a sense that you’ll never find anyone again. People tend to think, “If that person couldn’t stick it out with me, then who will?” However, most of the time, it’s irrational worry. There are more than a few billion people on the planet to choose from, you just gotta put yourself out there. But that’s a hard thing to hear when your feelings are still raw.

A study reported by The New York Times found that today, the old “plenty of fish in the sea” cliche is growing truer by the day. We are nearing a point where there will be more unmarried adults in the U.S. than those who have tied the knot. The most recent Census data shows the share of American adults who were neither married nor living with a significant other had risen to 46.4%. That lines up with the demographics of dating app users; about 63% of the millions and millions of users are over 30.

So good news for you single folks, the dating pool just keeps getting deeper. Still, that doesn't mean it feels that way when you're in the thick of it.

kelsey huse, marriage after 30, real stories, love stories, marriage, love, relationships, dating, dating apps, relationshipsFirst dates are intimidating, especially as we get older. Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

In 2020, Kelsey Huse, a software engineer from Austin, Texas, broke up with her boyfriend and at the age of 30, felt like she was never going to meet anyone again.

It's an understandable feeling. Our culturally accepted notion of love is that you're going to meet the love of your life in college or your early 20s. After that, you'll be lucky to settle for companionship. Huse wanted to know if there was any hope in her future.

“My bf broke up with me this week and I just wanna hear happy stories of ppl who found their partner in their 30s thanks,” she wrote on X.

Huse received an avalanche of responses from people who shared pictures and stories about how they met their special people in their 30s and later, giving her plenty of hope for the future. Her tweet went mega-viral earning nearly 7,000 retweets and 150,000 likes.

Here are some of the best responses.

"I strongly believe getting married in your 20s should be illegal. Sort of kidding, but I met my husband at 32 at a funeral. We make each other laugh just by being ourselves. He is the kindest person I know. We celebrated our 13 year wedding anniversary this year," one user wrote.

"I met my wife in my 30’s and we got married in our 40’s. Love her," added another.


Stories poured in by the dozens to prove that, yes, it really is possible to not only date close to and after 30, but to find love, and even to find the love of your life.

That's not to say that dating after 30 doesn't have its challenges and differences. Experts recommend re-evaluating your approach as you get older. In your 30s it's probably time to ditch the games and be more direct about what you want. Don't waste time with people who don't want the same things in life and love as you, but you'll also have to learn to give people some grace and patience — everyone has scars and warts at this age, including you.

Huse couldn't believe the incredible responses she received and better yet, that they really did lift her spirits.


kelsey huse, marriage after 30, real stories, love stories, marriage, love, relationships, dating, dating apps, relationshipsYes, even us elder-millennials can meet someone new and fall in love at any point in life. Photo by Sean Stratton on Unsplash

Huse may not have known it at the time, but breaking up at 30 may have been a blessing in disguise. Studies show that people who get married later in life have better mental health than those who get hitched at a younger age.

According to family ecology researcher Matt Johnson, those who married at the same age as or later than their peers reported higher levels of happiness and self-esteem—and less depression—than those who married early.

"People who marry early tend not to get as much education, have kids earlier than is optimal, and as a result get locked into careers they hadn't aspired to. In mid-life they're a little more depressed—or have a lower sense of self-worth—not because they violated some societal norm, but because they started down the path to family life early,” Johnson said.

Huse's story shows that there is no time frame for love and that it’s possible to find the perfect person well after the age of 30. It also shows that even though Twitter/X gets a deserved bad rap for being a pretty hostile environment, every once in a while people come together to do something beautiful.

This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.

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Tinder is adding a new height filter. Fed up users have some creative ideas for the next one.

Sarcastic dating app users say: "Why stop there?"

Canva Photos

No one seems particularly happy about Tinder's new filter, for many different reasons.

Can we agree that no one really "likes" using dating apps? It's just that there aren't many better options anymore, and that's saying something because dating apps truly don't work very well.

A recent survey showed that about eight percent of people met their current or most recent partner on a dating app or website. That's...a pretty low number, considering these apps have been extremely popular and mainstream for well over a decade. Why aren't they more effective? Well, apps encourage people to look for stimulation and validation rather than real connection. They encourage shallow behaviors and preferences, and they make it easy to ghost and go find someone new at the drop of a hat—or just because you're suddenly not feeling the vibe.

All signs currently point to the problem, and dating apps in general, getting worse rather than better. And the excruciating "women only like tall men!" discourse will never recover from the latest development.

Tinder, widely considered the most popular dating app in the United States, recently added a new and controversial premium feature for some paying users. They'll now be able to filter out potential matches by height.

If you're a paid user with access to the setting in your profile, you'll be able to set a maximum and minimum height for people you'd like to match with.

tinder, dating apps, dating, love, relationships, sex, hookups, bumble, hinge, match, dating tips, online datingTinder is the top dating app in the United States. Photo by Mika Baumeister on Unsplash

Tinder actually isn't the first app to try this. Bumble previously had height filtering as a premium option before eventually removing the feature (though there's still an open spot in your profile to list it). Hinge has a height option as well. And now, Tinder. It's all part of Tinder's new rebrand to be taken more seriously as a way for Gen Z users to find real connection and relationships, as younger generations are less drawn to hook-ups. They're calling it a "broader effort to help people connect more intentionally on Tinder."

(To be fair, the height setting is not a hard filter. It's just a strong suggestion that helps guide the algorithm. It's also, for now, just a test and not a permanent feature.)

The trouble is that height seems to be the only physical attribute you can filter by, which plays into some really nasty stereotypes about heightism and online dating. But hey, preferences are preferences. Luckily, the announcement sparked a firestorm of interest and debate about the new feature—and dating app users have lots of ideas for new filters they'd like to see in the near future.

Weight filter

Yes, this is the obvious joke suggestion that's been made all over the Internet in response to Tinder's news. But it's kind of fair. Who gets to decide which physical preferences are offensive and which are legitimate?

Salary/Net income filter

It's perfectly reasonable to want a partner with a stable career. But do we really care about the actual career or do we just want to make sure they make enough money? Honestly. Some users would like to see a salary slider in the settings to weed out anyone who can't match their lifestyle, or who might get weird about splitting the bill on the first date.

Hair and eye color filter

You might prefer a partner with dark hair, and that might show up in your swiping preferences. But why bother swiping when you could essentially just erase light-haired people from your entire world with a filter? After all, what really matters is efficiency and saving everyone time.

Cup size / penis size filter

OK, look, I didn't say it, but this one has come up on all the dating app subreddits many, many times. Sometimes in jest, sometimes not...

Abs filter

It's not enough to be able to see whether someone has abs or not in their photos. To save everyone time and maximize efficiency, we should just auto-filter them out if they don't have a six-pack. Or, conversely, if you're not down with eating chicken and broccoli for every meal, you can filter the gym-heads out from the get-go.

Fishing/hunting filter

Women on social media have been clamoring for this one for a while, and would surely pay top dollar. We've got AI technology now; there's no reason we can't tell that a guy is holding a fish or a severed deer head in his photo and promptly remove him from the queue. The filter can work overtime for if someone's holding a gun.

Conversely, you might be really into these things, and the filter could end up working in your favor, too.

tinder, dating apps, dating, love, relationships, sex, hookups, bumble, hinge, match, dating tips, online datingA hunting/fishing filter on Tinder: Who says no? Photo by luis arias on Unsplash

Onlyfans filter

Similarly, there's got to be a way to run text analysis on a profile to find out if the person is hawking a paid NSFW profile online somewhere.

Married filter

You'd think this wouldn't be necessary, but here are we. One survey recently found that an astounding 65% of Tinder users were married or in a relationship. Whether they're polyamorous, looking for a third, cheating, or something else... can we auto-scan the photos for a wedding ring or something? Run the names against a marriage license database?

Spelling and grammar filter

There's no reason that Tinder and Bumble couldn't partner with Grammarly and give us a sense of people's reading or literacy level, filtering out anyone who doesn't meet a certain standard.

Old photo / heavily filtered photo filter

Surely, we have the technology for this. If people are misrepresenting the way they look with fancy filters or outdated photos, then premium users should reserve the right to have those people removed from their queue. If the photo was taken with an Olympus digital camera circa 2002, let the filter do its thing!

tinder, dating apps, dating, love, relationships, sex, hookups, bumble, hinge, match, dating tips, online datingSome users want the Tinder algorithm to weed out people with old or heavily filtered photosUnsplash

Some of the new filter ideas are clearly ridiculous. Others might actually be helpful. But put them all together and it paints a pretty bleak picture of modern dating.

Having preferences and likes or dislikes is totally fine, and a natural part of dating. The idea is that you're supposed to find these things out with your eyes or by actually talking to people and learning about them. Being genuinely curious about another human being you find attractive and interesting is part of the process. Skipping that by adding preferential filters that remove more and more people from your orbit is antithetical to what looking for love is supposed to be all about. And maybe that's exactly what Tinder and the other apps (many of whom are owned by the same corporation) are going for.

NPR cleverly points out that we shouldn't forget dating apps are run by for-profit companies. When two people meet on the app, fall in love, and settle down together, the app loses two crucial users. Keeping people frustrated, stuck on the app, and desperate enough to pony up for "premium features" and better filtering is the better move for them—and of course, spotlighting a few happy endings here and there just to give everyone some hope.

"Heightism" definitely exists in the dating world, and especially on apps, but it definitely seems like Tinder is intentionally stoking that fire to boost their paid user base. Now you've got short guys that are hurt and pissed off, and women that are sick of being accused of being shallow for their legitimate preferences, and everyone's angry at everyone else. It's a move that ultimately drives us further apart.

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