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Readers share 17 dead giveaways that a male character was written by a woman

"I'm a bad boy with a heart of gold, and I only have eyes for you."

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People are sharing hilarious examples of what happens when women write male characters.

It's hard to write convincingly outside of your lived experience, especially when it comes to gender. Whether it's comfortable to admit or not, there are a lot of fundamental differences between men and women. We're raised differently, socialized different, and view the world is wildly unique ways. And that's to say nothing of our many, many physiological differences.

Most famously, you've heard the jokes and seen the brutal examples of "men writing women." There's even a whole subreddit dedicated to the worst instances found from books in the wild. One hallmark? There's usually a weird fixation on their physical appearance. The old joke/meme goes, "Cassandra woke up to the rays of the sun streaming through the slats on her blinds, cascading over her naked chest. She stretched, her breasts lifting with her arms as she greeted the sun. She rolled out of the bed and put on a shirt, her nipples prominently showing through her thin fabric. She breasted boobily towards the stairs, and titted downwards."

You get the idea.

But let it be known that it can also be hard for women to write convincing male characters! The male psyche is just so complex, so multi-faceted, such an enigma, that it can be difficult to truly capture without walking a mile in our shoes. OK, maybe that's not exactly it, but let's have an honest conversation about the last time you saw a male character in a romance novel awkwardly "adjust" himself—a phenomenon all guys are familiar with. Probably not very often, right?

A recent Reddit thread posed the question: "What's a telltale sign that a male character was written by a woman?"

Hundreds of users chimed in with their thoughts and opinions and dead giveaways, and the responses are laugh-out-loud funny and wickedly accurate. Here are a few of the best observations:

1. Only "she" gets him.

"She's the only one who gets to see his vulnerable side, which only consists of two things, a traumatic past and his inability to live if he ever loses her," a user wrote.

books, writing, authors, men, women, sexism, masculinity, femininity, men writing women, romance, fantasy, eroticaWho wants to fix this bad boy?Giphy

2. He's the absolute worst. No, wait, he's simply misunderstood.

"He's a total bastard... but with a heart of gold that she will help him discover," someone added.

3. He effortlessly handles her frazzled, panicky freak-outs.

"When a female character is communicating badly, but he understands her anyway," another said.

books, writing, authors, men, women, sexism, masculinity, femininity, men writing women, romance, fantasy, eroticaThese hunks will never, ever give up on love.Giphy

4. He has in-depth conversations with friends about love, emotions, and the things they fear.

"For me, it’s most obvious when male characters are talking to each other. Men just don’t communicate the same way that most women in my life tend to," a guy suggested.

5. He could have anyone, but he just can't get her off his mind.

"Guy has literally everything(money, looks, daring badboy) and suddenly chooses the mundane blank canvass main character. He singularly and inexplicably becomes obsessed with her after seeing her once at [insert random place]" someone observed.

6. The burning. So much burning.

"His touch or his stare burns into the heroine," another user said.

books, writing, authors, men, women, sexism, masculinity, femininity, men writing women, romance, fantasy, eroticaHis piercing eyes will burn straight into you.Giphy

7. He's an open book, or the biggest jerk on the planet.

"He's either an incredibly emotionally open and gentle man or the most annoying asshole you'll ever meet," someone wrote.

8. If he's a good guy, he never gets his timing wrong.

"He gets the timing of his behaviors just right for the FMC [Female Main Character]. He's aggressive at the right time for her and vulnerable at the right time for her. Even his apparent missteps just make him more attractive to her," another user added.

9. He's cold and distant, but only because he's afraid of how much he loves her.

"They're super handsome, but cold and distant the entire time, but then save the day and secretly have always loved the main character," someone commented.

10. He is an enigma.

"Capable but humble, Affectionate but distant, Your pleasure is his pleasure," someone succinctly added.

11. He's hardworking and successful, but always seems to be free for a hang.

"He will also be handsome, perfectly fit, very rich, travels all the time, but still somehow has all the free time in the world to be with her all day," a user wrote.

12. His natural musk is magnificent.

"When it’s repeatedly mentioned that he smells like a plant and a weather element. Pine and snow. Cedar and rain. Oak and sunlight," a commenter observed.


books, writing, authors, men, women, sexism, masculinity, femininity, men writing women, romance, fantasy, eroticaHe smelled like cedar and rain.Giphy

13. He is a thinly-veiled takedown of all men everywhere.

"One I've noticed is male villains who are obviously meant to be allegorical critiques of sexist men. They're often painfully badly written and give the vibe that the author has not ever actually met a human, sexist or otherwise," someone said.

14. He growls, in a good way.

"When he growls or snarls [or makes other animal sounds]," another guy added.

15. He may have psychic abilities.

"He's a 'mind reader' towards others and just 'knows" what they want without the need to communicate clearly. ... He can read minds and knows what she wants without her being up front about it," someone suggested.

16. He's the goodest good-guy that ever good-guyed.

"He's a family man who works 60 hours a week, loves family activities and spending time with the kids. He supports his wife in her career. He's also super jacked because he lifts. Apparently, he doesn't need sleep and days have 30 hours."

books, writing, authors, men, women, sexism, masculinity, femininity, men writing women, romance, fantasy, eroticaHe spends all his waking hours working and with the family, but still has a six-pack.Giphy

17. He's a man of few words, but his brain never stops chattering.

"The inner dialogue is off. Too many words," someone summed up.


The truth is, it's hard for writers to "win" no matter what they do. Men that write vulnerable, soft, feminine female characters will be criticized for stereotyping. If they write them tough and a little crass, they're just writing a 'male fantasy.' Too quirky and impulsive and you've created the dreaded Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

The same is true for female writers. Make your men too brutish and simple and you're playing into the stereotypes. Too sensitive and emotionally-intelligent and you're "setting the bar too high."

We have to remember that a lot of what we read and enjoy on-screen is meant to be escapism. A lot of the teasing criticisms above are pulled from the pages of romance novels, which are meant to be a fantasy. They're primarily written for women, so it's fun to imagine a hunky bad boy with a soft-gooey center that only you can access. Similarly, men love fantasy stories where they get to imagine themselves as the hero meeting a distressed damsel who loves them exactly the way they are.

It's all just a bit of fun, and it can also be a lot of fun for astute readers when well-meaning authors don't quite hit the mark.

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Man tested a woman on a date to see if she was a 'gold digger.' She passed, but he failed.

"Is it alright if you pay for this?"

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A woman looks annoyed over coffee. Two people grab the check.

You know that moment on a date where you feel you're totally vibing? They say something funny, or they get your super obscure joke. There's a sparkle in both of your eyes when one of you says, "No way! Breaking Bad is my favorite show too!" Then the check comes, and what happens next is totally unexpected.

That's what happened when a 29-year-old woman was set up by a mutual friend with a 31-year-old guy. According to a story on Yahoo! Life(via People Magazine), they met for coffee, laughed and bonded, and when the (for some reason) $100 check came, he paused and said, "Is it alright if you pay for this?" Now that wasn't the bad part. She actually claims she had every intention of splitting the check and wasn't too flustered that he asked her to pay.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com, CBC Vancouver

She claims, however, "Right after I paid, he got this huge grin on his face and said, ‘Congratulations, you passed the test! You're not a gold digger.'"

She was not pleased and told him as much. “I told him that I'm not his ex and he has no right to treat me like I'm guilty until proven innocent. I also said he’s not some prize that I need to pass tests for.”

She then told their mutual friend she wasn't interested and blocked him. But, unfortunately, he started making fake accounts and even tried to hit her up on LinkedIn, and from there—things got a bit scary.

She explains, "At first, it was stuff like ‘I just want to explain,’ then ‘You’re not like other girls.' Then it turned into full paragraphs about how I’m ‘punishing’ him for protecting himself and how he’s the one who feels betrayed.'"

She posted this story on the popular subreddit page, r/AITAH (Am I the A-hole), and it went completely viral. And although she deleted her original post, Redditors are not done discussing the topic. Thousands have commented, with tons rolling in every hour—and they have lots of different angles.

First, the stalking aspect. One commenter warns, "The fact that he is stalking you, contacting you through fake phone numbers and changed accounts is a huge red flag. Relationship tests are bad, but when you pass and you decide that the relationship test was also a test of them and they failed, and they don't give up, gives bunny in the pot vibes."

Glenn Close, Fatal Attraction, stalking, movies, relationshipsGlenn Close's character in Fatal Attraction.Giphy Paramount Pictures

Some are concerned by his behavior, and one gives advice to stop "feeding him." "At this point, no response is better. If you respond to a pest, it just feeds the animals. Like a small kid who knows with certain people if they whine enough or throw a big enough tantrum, they will get their way. You don't want him to think it just takes persistence and OP will respond. Hell no! OP should not put any energy or response to his behavior."

More than one person points out the irony that HE was testing HER and suggests she tell him "he failed the stalker test multiple times."

Many agree that she is not, in fact, the a-hole—though not all. One assures her, "Wonderful! It was a great test for you to realize what a POS he really is!! Stay away from him!! You definitely dodged that bullet!!"

A few question why a coffee date cost 100 dollars. "I wanna know what coffee shop y’all went to so I can avoid it because there’s no way in hell coffee and pastries cost $100." (It's later pointed out that the OP stated she was not in the U.S., so perhaps it's not actually in U.S. dollars.)

coffee, pastries, dating, latte, dateCoffee and pastries are displayed on a table. Photo by Vicky Gu on Unsplash

On a more serious note, this person breaks it down all in one place: "The problem is not that he tested her on a date… we constantly test the other person when dating to see if they are suitable long-term partners, women do this to men constantly even after marrying them. What’s good for one is good for the other… moving on since I actually have to preface THAT.

The real issue is two things… 1. He told her about the test afterward instead of noting her passing the test in his mind and moving on… 2. He is now stalking her when she was no longer interested… a major sign of weakness and low emotional health."

Others discuss how reasonable, healthy people go about money on dates. A comment on the Yahoo! story shares their way of dealing with finances: "My last lady friend and I had a great system for sharing expenses. If I invited her out to eat or a movie, I paid. If she invited me out for dinner, a play or other event, she paid. I did some different maintenance and repair around her house and she home-cooked me a nice meal. She made a standing offer to help me with some of my home improvements, including cleaning up the mess after the work. I've never asked her for a dime of her considerable money and she hasn't offered because I made it clear at the start that I can manage without anyone helping me. It worked for over ten years."

gold, money, golddigging, dating, gold diggerBars of gold are stacked side by side. Photo by Jingming Pan on Unsplash

And one has the perfect quip about how oftentimes, the person who thinks they're the biggest prize isn't quite that: "I’d bet money that he’s one of those men who accuses women of being gold diggers… when he’s got no gold."

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Man says his wife asked him to 'pick up' perfectly tidy house and asks the Internet to translate

Theories abound on what she's really asking him.

Canva Photos

A guy needed some help and advice on how to 'pick up' a clean house

One thing you learn in marriage is that different people have different definitions of "clean." To one person, clean means your home is decluttered, everything in its proper place. Others might be OK with a few neat stacks of stuff or an odd pile or two. Others aren't happy until the baseboards are wiped down and the floor's sparkling. Some people are just content if there are no roaches or rats scurrying around.

Partnership is all about navigating these different expectations and coming together to make and keep your home. But that doesn't mean it's always easy to communicate about this stuff with your partner, or to meet their expectations. Throw in the fact that men and women are socialized from birth to have completely different ideas of their role in a household, and things can get complicated fast.

One guy recently took to social media with a conundrum. His wife had asked him to clean the house while she was out, the only problem was...it was already clean.

"My wife asked me to pick up the house while she was out. [Here's] the condition of house before she left," he wrote on Reddit along with a few pictures showcasing a pretty spotless (and quite beautiful) home. Now if you're nitpicking, you could spot a few clean cups in the dish drying rack and a small pile of papers on the kitchen table. But honestly, most people would be thrilled if their house looked like this!

What do you think, can you spot the mess? The man needed the Internet's help in translating his wife's expectations.

from pics

Experienced married people didn't fall for the trap, and laid some incredible wisdom on the man that can only be gained through many years of partnership.The easy answer might be, "She's nuts, the house is already clean!" But people who have been with their partner for a long time know better.

Some theorized that the husband might have a reputation for not cleaning up after himself:

"She's asking him to not mess it up while she gone. I.e. Clean up after himself."

"maybe that was a nice way of her asking you to clean up after yourself..."

"And to also get his cup that has been sitting on that nightstand for a week. Wife doesn't want to put it in the sink because it feels disrespectful to her that he would leave it there so long when the rest of the house is clean. She's cleaned up literally all his other trash and cups, but this is THE ONE he needs to do himself. She's wondering if he even has eyes or self awareness."

They gleaned all of that from just three photos! This is what years of marital intuition can do.

men, women, marriage, relationships, household, love, family, cleaning, emotional labor, invisible load, gender rolesWe love a guy who remembers to clean the inside of the oven.Canva Photos

Others with a keen eye were adamant that, upon closer inspection, there are tons of signs in the photos that certain people might not be pulling their weight:

"I can see that some of the fruit isn't in the fruit basket, just near it, and there is paperwork and a stapler on the table, and little things on the island. ... It seems like the wife is giving him the easiest possible clean up task. He just has to put a few items away. If he wanted, he could also wipe down the counters, vacuum, clean the dog bed, spray some air freshener and put fresh flowers out. But I'm guessing he won't even put the few items and pieces of fruit away. Clearly his wife is doing a lot to keep the place clean, but he'll act like putting a few things away isn't worth his time and leave it for her to do when she gets back."

"There's probably grit on the floors, dirt on the baseboards, stains on the carpets and upholstery, dust on every horizontal surface, window smudges, etc. so the house looks tidy, but a detail-oriented person will notice and be bothered by all those less visible things"

"I’m seeing a used paper towel roll right next to the fresh one that is also almost out. I’m guessing there are other instances of that around the house, too."

"Definitely the items on the dining table.."

"Clear all the surfaces and put away the clutter. My woman brain doesn't understand why her request was confusing."

Others insisted the request wasn't really about the current state of the house, but more a general plea to start taking some ownership.

"When my house is in this condition, and I asked the same thing of my husband, I think it’s sort of coming from a place of resentment. I’ll notice that he spends his free time doing a hobby or something for himself, whereas I feel like even all my free time is still spent keeping up with chores. My love language is acts of service, so when I come home and he has tackled a project without me asking or something like that, it means a lot that he spent his free time doing something for the betterment of the household unit."

The OP responded to this one: "So far I think your response is the most nuanced and accurate. Thanks for giving me something to consider!"

The photos serve as a fascinating Rorschach test. It's incredibly easy for some to see someone nitpicking a clean and beautiful home. It's also easy to see the usually-invisible mental load one partner carries.

men, women, marriage, relationships, household, love, family, cleaning, emotional labor, invisible load, gender rolesWiping down surfaces: Someone's gotta remember to do it.Canva Photos

No one knows the history of this guy and this couple, but there is a well-known story lurking in these photos if you're willing to interpret and read into things a little bit. It goes by many names including the Invisible Load and Emotional Labor, etc. in reference to one partner (usually the woman) being the Project Manager of the house.

Couples Therapy Inc. lists out some of the responsibilities of the house Project Manager:

  • Anticipating needs before they become problems
  • Managing social relationships and obligations
  • Coordinating schedules and appointments
  • Remembering important dates and details
  • Sacrificing personal needs for family harmony
And that also includes making sure the house is tidy and cleaned, and enlisting help in doing so by explicitly telling other people in the household exactly what needs to be done, what supplies and groceries need to be purchase, etc. As others in the thread pointed out, maybe the exhausted wife is really saying, "Dude, can you just figure it out for yourself for once?"

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Woman wonders if men over 30 get hit on more often and gets a funny reality check

"I get hit on twice as often. 200% of zero is also zero."

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Guys had a good laugh when a woman asked if they get hit on more now that they're older

I can remember a very few instances in my life of being obviously hit on, most of them in college. Once, when working retail, a girl came into the store and slipped me her number without so much as saying a word. Later, I was working as a pizza delivery driver when a girl I'd delivered to had her friend call the store and get my phone number. A woman's voice inside one the houses, as I was handing over a fresh pizza, once yelled out that I was "hot."

If it sounds like bragging, please don't be mistaken. It has been a VERY long time since anything like that happened. What's funny is that through all the many years since and the hazy memories of college, and though I'm quite happily married now, I remember those instances extremely well, probably because they are so few and far between throughout my life.

A 24 year old woman recently took to social media to ask an interesting question about flirting and aging: "Do women start hitting on men more once you’re 30+?"


men, masculinity, mens health, flirting, dating, dating advice, dating tips, women, funny, redditGuys won't recognize flirting unless it looks like this.Giphy

In a post on r/AskMenAdvice, a woman reported that her husband was feeling insecure because whenever they'd go out, she would get hit on by men. Sometimes the attention would take the form of random guys coming up to the husband and telling him "how lucky he is." (As a husband myself, I can confirm that we hate that.) Other times, when she went out alone, men would be more direct in their attempts to flirt with her.

She tried to comfort him by assuring him that he was extremely handsome and one day, the tables would turn.

"I told him I think men start getting hit on/approached more when they get past 30. I guess I believe women start to get more confident with approaching with age. Also once women start getting older they do not get approached like they did in their prime causing them to reach out. Is this just a bad assumption?" she wrote.

Then she asked for input. "Did men start noticing a difference in the amount or the way women approached them as they got older? Maybe I’m way off but it makes sense in my head and I’d love some honest feedback. Men did you notice a difference with age and women did you get bolder/more confident with age?"

The guys in the comments chimed in with a wide variety of diverse answers: Everything from No, to Hell No, to Absolutely Not.


men, masculinity, mens health, flirting, dating, dating advice, dating tips, women, funny, redditHow many ways are there to say No?Giphy

Here are some of the most illuminating responses:

"I can tell you, lady, zero is still zero after 30"

"Guy 35 never been hit on in my life."

"Not in my 20s, not in my 30s, not in my 40s, not in my 50s. Will keep you posted."

"I get hit on twice as often. 200% of zero is also zero"

Here's a screenshot for illustrative purposes, showing guys' answers as to whether they get hit on more after 30:

men, masculinity, mens health, flirting, dating, dating advice, dating tips, women, funny, redditDo guys get hit on after 30? No, no, no, and no.Reddit

"In the US, very few men get hit on in general," one user mused. "It’s probably less than 1% of the adult male population overall. It’s just not really how the culture is here, men are expected to hit on women so most of the time, that’s how it goes."

But wait, there is some hope! At least, according to another guy that chimed in:

"30, nope. 40 maybe a little. 45 yes. 50 absolutely 100%. Maybe it’s the grey hair?"

The conversation is illuminating in a number of ways. First, it says a lot about the male psyche. Second, it says a lot about different communication styles between men and women.

While the comments and responses to the question are pretty funny, especially taken as a whole, they also paint a pretty bleak picture. A lot of men are touch starved and affection starved, lacking basic and necessary intimacy in their everyday lives. They don't get nearly as much physical touch from their parents and are afraid to touch their friends for fear of being judged.

A lot of sitcoms in the 90s and 2000s would frequently play close friendships between men for homoerotic laughs. That's the kind of environment a lot of guys were raised in. The only safe place to get that closeness and intimacy is in a romantic relationship, so for men who are single, the loneliness can be devastating.

men, masculinity, mens health, flirting, dating, dating advice, dating tips, women, funny, redditFor the record, I still love Scrubs.Giphy

Of course, women have to deal with unwanted attention from men that is often downright frightening and can be a threat to their physical safety, so no one needs to shed any tears for the poor men here. But if you've ever wanted to understand what's really going on in the brains and hearts of the men in your life, this thread should tell you a lot.

The other end of this coin is that guys often don't realize when they are being flirted with! Either because they just aren't used to picking up the cues or because the flirting is too subtle and conservative.

It's been shown that women are far more adept at nonverbal communications and cues, whereas men tend to be more direct and vocal in the way they communicate. So it's definitely possible that all the men in the thread have been waiting on the blatantly obvious "YOU'RE HOT!" when the prolonged eye contact and subtle smile were right in front of them the whole time.

Ultimately, maybe it's for the best. If guys thought every common compliment or polite nod was a come-on, that would only serve to make things way worse for women. Men will just have to learn to start hugging and complimenting each other more without fear of judgment.


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