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A mom went viral for explaining why she won't bring snacks and water on short outings with her 3-year-old

It's a struggle all parents run into eventually. It becomes too much, and far too annoying, to be responsible for every aspect of your children's lives and well-being. At some point, they need to start taking ownership over the things that are important to them. When they hit the age where they begin to really care about what they wear? They better be involved in doing their own laundry! Got soccer practice? Better remember to get dressed and pack your bag before it's time to go.

Mom and dad can't be the only ones keeping everyone on track 24/7. But, of course, this is a battle that's fought both in our homes and in American culture at large. Kids are less independent now than the were in previous generations. Fewer kids walk to school or play outside unsupervised. And some say that it shows.

One mom is using a "harsh" parenting technique to instill this kind of independence in her kids from an early age.


moms, mothers, parenting, kids, toddlers, babies, consequences, punishment, psychologySome argue that kids need tough love from an early age to learn independence and responsibility. Photo by Gabe Pierce on Unsplash

Chelsea, a professor and homesteader, recently took to TikTok to share some words of wisdom that have helped her in raising her 1- and 3-year-olds without collapsing from constant overwhelm.

"I don't know who needs to hear this but if you have little kids, you have to try one of my favorite recent parenting techniques," she says in the selfie-style video. "This might sound a little crazy or a little crude, but i promise if you listen, I will explain how this has added so much value."

She begins by offering an example of a scenario most parents can relate to.

"The other day we were driving in the car and from the backseat [my 3-year-old] calls 'Mom, I'm hungry!' My response to her when she said she was hungry was 'Oh, did you bring a snack?'"

The essence of Chelsea's independence technique is that she no longer brings snacks, water, or entertainment like books and games on short trips out with her kids. Instead, she pushes them to remember to bring what they need.

"I know, this sounds a little harsh. I promise, I'm not letting them go hungry, I'm not letting them go thirsty," Chelsea says. "They are very hydrated, well fed kids. This is used in very specific scenarios. But what this does is it puts a little bit of the responsibility and the ownership on them."

"Number one, it helps her understand that she has to take some responsibility in bringing something [she needs.]" Though, the mom of two adds that she helps remind her daughter before they leave the house to make sure she has everything she needs.

"I'm helping her prepare, but i'm also teaching her a little bit of a natural consequence. Because if she doesn't bring her water or her snack, then her natural consequence is she doesn't get snack."

After using this technique for a while, Chelsea notices that her daughter will remember on her own far more often. And if she does forget, mom's often got her back. Chelsea states that if her daughter forgets her water and mom just so happens to have one for her, her daughter is incredibly grateful and appreciative. I think all parents would like more of that sentiment from their kids!

Watch the whole clip here:

@sunny_acres_regen_farm

My small contribution to making the next generation less entitled #mom #toddlermom #toddlers #parenting #homestead

The video racked up over 400,000 views and left parents, teachers, and other commenters extremely divided.

Some loved the idea. Teachers, especially, were keen on the idea of kids coming into their classrooms having learned more responsibility and independence at home from a young age:

"I’m a teacher and this will help your children so much. A lot of kids don’t know how to solve problems or take responsibility"

"I’m a kindergarten teacher and I approve this message"

"As a teacher, thank you. I can tell asap when a child had never been responsible for a single thing in their life. Then they get to kinder and are lost bc someone has always done everything for them"

Teachers have a great perspective because they see and work closely with so many kids. They're really plugged in to bigger trends and concerns that affect the entire age group and not just one single kid or family. So when they say kids need to learn more independence early, it's usually a good idea to listen.

Some commenters chimed in that they, themselves, were raised this way, or had used similar approaches successfully with their own kids:

"Seriously, I don’t remember being offered snacks and drinks constantly or having them always around anywhere all the time. If we were out and about a lot of times I had to wait (within reason)"

"I did this with my now adult children. My youngest (18) is constantly shocked by his friends who aren’t like him and his siblings."

Some people, however, had concerns with whether this technique was age-appropriate for a toddler:


moms, mothers, parenting, kids, toddlers, babies, consequences, punishment, psychologyIt can be tough for toddlers to think ahead about the future consequences of their behavior.Giphy

"my boomer mom said things like this and it created a lot of anxiety that I had to remember to take care of myself and I felt abandoned"

"I dont like this at all! Why should a THREE year old need to be concerned with bringing her own water?"

"a good technique for older kids but i think your kids are too young so it's not a developmentally appropriate expectation"

"A more age appropriate way would be have her help you pack her bag."

These commenters are right in that natural consequences is a very effective parenting technique, but it can also be fraught. There's a fine line between teaching kids responsibility and making them feel like no one is looking out for them. 3-years-old is a really tricky age for this kind of parenting. Toddlers can understand immediate cause-and-effect relationships, but have trouble linking their actions with future consequences. So while there's nothing wrong with introducing concepts of consequences, independence, and responsibility to kids 3 and under, it's important to keep expectations in line with what's age-appropriate.

It sounds like Chelsea's got a good handle on the right balance, but in less-careful hands this kind of approach could be a disaster.


What do you do when a little hand comes out of nowhere to feel your arm?

Being locked in a metal box with 150 random people all hurtling through the air at 30,000 feet is quite the social experiment, but one many of us do willingly in this age of air travel. One of the most notable parts of that experiment is that you never know who's going to sit near you on an airplane. Will you get the quiet reader? The Chatty Cathy? The cougher who doesn't cover their mouth? The sweet-but-over-perfumed old lady? The parent with a baby who screams from takeoff to landing?

Flying can feel like a game of roulette, especially when you find yourself sitting near one of the most unpredictable forces on Earth—a toddler. Tiny tots can make for the most delightful trip ever or the most annoying one, but as one couple demonstrates, the difference sometimes comes down to our own attitude.

A video shared on Reddit reads, "We were on the plane when this baby's hand kept reaching out and touching my arm from behind…" At first, we see a zoomed in shot of a woman's arm next to the window as a little hand reaches around the side of her seat and taps her repeatedly and enthusiastically. Then the camera pants to the woman's face and the face of the man with her, and their expressions say it all.

Clearly, the child is enjoying the feel of the woman's arm. Tap tap tap, rub rub, squeeze, tap tap. No hesitation, zero sense of decorum, just a totally oblivious toddler sensory experience. A little annoying? Probably. Pure and wholesome and worthy of a laugh? Absolutely.

This woman could have asked the parent to stop their child from touching her (and she may have eventually). Not everyone finds small children cute and some people have sensory issues of their own that make such encounters more bothersome than it would be for others. But assuming the toddler arm massage was temporary and that the parents saw what was happening and stopped it, the reaction of the couple is a perfect example of finding the joy in life and rolling with the punches.

As the post reads, "Those small hands are a sign of absolute tenderness," and people are loving the immediate mirthful reaction the pair had to the wee one's curious little fingers.

"Nothing cuter than seeing a baby flailing their arms and slapping things because they are happy. They have no control. They just know they’re happy."

'The baby slaps 'yep this is good arm' tap tap."

"My grandma had the softest bat wings in the world. I used to love to touch them. I’m sure she was self conscious about it but I loved them lol."

"As a parent I would be horrified to discover my kid was doing this but so relieved that they were such good sports about it. These are the types of people we need on airplanes."

"Same, I’m always concerned how my kid behaves on a plane ride (and he freaking loves being on a plane) but I find most people to be such good sports around him. Love when it works out that way. Though I 10/10 would have snatched that hand away soon as I noticed 😂😂😂."

"The people laughing were so kind! I can imagine some people would lose it if a child did this but they just enjoyed it. 🥰"

"Seriously! Seeing the humor in everyday life says a lot about their temperament. They seem like great folks."

Some people shared their own stories of toddlers similarly pawing at perfect strangers. It's helpful to remember that these little ones have only been on the planet for a hot minute and they barely have anything figured out yet. The nuances of what and whom to touch and not to touch takes a while, as does having the impulse control to not just reach out and feel whatever looks soft or interesting in the moment.

"Oh my gosh, that reminded me of a time when my son was small, maybe 18 months? We were in line at a restaurant and he was toddling around my legs and holding on to my finger while I chatted with my sister and mom. I felt him let go, and looked down to see where he was off to. He was standing by a lady a couple of people ahead of me who was wearing fishnet tights. He was rubbing her leg with his tiny baby hands and looked just MESMERIZED. I, on the other hand, was absolutely mortified and grabbed him up, apologizing all over the place, but luckily she was very cool about it and was just laughing.

Little kids like to just touch stuff to learn more about the world around them, but parents need to be constantly paying attention so their kid doesn't accidentally harass someone!"

"A little kid of around that age did this to me at restaurant once- he walked up to me, rubbed my bare forearm, and then gave me that same mesmerized look and tapped me with his hand a couple times. I didn't think too much of it (was more puzzled/confused than anything), but his mom had to pick him up and apologized anyway. Kids are funny haha."

"Yes this is so adorable. The last time I took a flight with a kid sitting behind me he was kicking my seat for like two hours before I politely turned around and gave a look to his mother and said 'hey my little friend. I know this flight is long and you wanna get out of this seat but do you mind not kicking my seat anymore?' Then I gave him a piece of paper and some (like 5 out of my 50) colored pencils and asked him if he could make me a secret drawing and pass it to me quietly and I’d make him one. I’m an artist and I always carry watercolors and colored pencils and sketch books on flights. We ended up passing drawing back and forth for the rest of the remaining 5 hour flight. He didn’t kick my seat again… I suspect it was the poignant look I gave mom. But so he was engaged. Every 20 minutes or so I’d feel a little tap on my arm and a folded up little drawing would appear. I still have them in the pocket of a moleskin somewhere."

Here's to grownups joyfully embracing the reality of co-existing with small children, in all their curious, sensory-driven, hands-on glory.

Parenting

Art teacher explains exactly what to say about your toddler's scribbles to boost their self-esteem

"I tried this with my almost 4 yo this morning. I couldn’t believe the way he lit up."

Unsplash

Find beauty in the unconventional.

Having a young child means dealing with an avalanche of papers coming your way every single day. My 4-year-old comes home with a folder full of school artwork five days a week. Then there's coloring sheets from restaurants and the ones she brings home from the grocery store. On the weekends, we usually have some kind of art time in the mornings and that leads to a stack of a half-dozen more drawings that we have to figure out something to do with.

At her age, most of the art is scribbles or crude attempts at unicorns. Hey, I'm just being honest! Whenever she shows me what she's made, I'm always careful to praise and tell her how impressed I am. I tell her that what she's made is beautiful and amazing. The most important thing to me is that she feels encouraged to keep going. Outside of that, I never really know what to say. After the fifth scribbly-line drawing I've seen that day I tend to run out of superlatives.

An art teacher on TikTok recently explained that there might be a better way to react to your young child's scribbles.


gif of white scribbles against a pink backgroundScribbles are art. Giphy

Susan Striker is an art educator who specializes in teaching art and creativity skills to young children. Her famous Anti-Coloring Book series challenges kids not just to color inside the lines, but to let their imaginations run far wilder, and has sold over a million copies worldwide. So, Striker has a lot to say about how to foster creativity in our kids.

"This is not just a scribble," she says in a recent video, holding up a piece of messy toddler art. "This is the introduction to fluency and literacy for your child. Don't just say 'Very pretty, honey,' and throw it in the garbage. That is not what this is about." She recommends calling out the specific elements of the scribble that are building blocks to writing letters, numbers, and more advanced art.

"Oh, aren't you smart, sweetheart, you made a diagonal line! And look at this, a curved line and a straight line, you are so clever. ... I see a horizontal line, you're a genius! ... Are you sure you're only three?"

By naming and praising these elements of their work, we can help them learn what these foundational pieces are and how they're used. It also allows us to offer them specific praise rather than general, which boosts their self-esteem and confidence and gives them the fuel to keep creating. Though tempting, Susan also says try to avoid interpreting what they've drawn.

"Don't tell them that this [round thingy] looks like a wheel. This is a round shape. What it reminds you of will come much, much later."

To a young mind, it might not be apparent how a squiggly line reminds you of a squirrel, for example. It might be a tough concept for them to grasp and may leave them confused or frustrated that you aren't seeing their art the same way they do. Smaller concepts like light and dark, close together and far apart, colors, basic shapes and types of lines—these are things they can understand and build on.

Watch Striker's fantastic explanation of the technique here:


@susanstrikeryoungatart

Scribbles provide an important opportunity to talk to your toddler, provide vocabulary, and promote literacy! #reading #readiness #scribbles #Vocabulary #todddler #art #kidsart #childrensart #childrenspainting #goodartprojects #teachingontiktok #criticalthinking #fypシ #fypage #teachingart #artlessons

Striker's advice struck both a practical and emotional cord with parents.

It's so easy to see how this concept can help a child as they begin to learn about drawing letters, numbers, and basic shapes. They're all composed of the horizontal, diagonal, vertical, or curved lines our kids use in their drawings without even realizing it. So naming those elements helps free drawing become a sort of practice for more advanced skills.

"Susan!! This is so helpful and wonderful! I didn’t realize this until after we started practicing writing letters. And now I realize how helpful this would’ve been way before. Thanks for sharing," wrote one commenter.

"Love this! My 18 mo old and I were coloring today and she's just beginning to scribble more. Thank you for sharing this valuable perspective on how to talk about early art," said another.

Others found Striker's techniques moving, both in the way it helped them see their own kids in a new light and how it made them wish they had more support and encouragement when they were young themselves.


gif of man cryingIt's okay to cry about it. Giphy

"Can someone do this for my scribble please."

"This healed something that I didn't know needed to be healed."

"i hope you teach. i wish my elementary art teachers were as kind as you."

"I tried this with my almost 4 yo this morning who has never been interested in coloring or scribbling," one commenter wrote. "I couldn’t believe the way he lit up. He spent a half hour drawing! Thank you so much for this!!"

As a dad, I can't wait to try these ideas out. I'm really excited to have a tool in my toolbox to both help my kid feel encouraged in her creativity and make even more progress toward writing and reading. Now if Susan Striker could only help me with the five-foot tall pile of artwork taking over my garage, all of my problems would be solved!

Kayla Sullivan nails the reality of toddler tantrums in her mock news report.

Anyone who's ever had a 2-year-old knows that they can be … a lot. Adorable for sure, but … a lot. Toddlers are just starting to figure out that they have their own free will, but they have zero idea how to wield it or use it for good. They want what they want, when they want it—except when they change their mind and absolutely do not want what they just wanted—and they don't really have the emotional maturity or verbal acuity to adequately express any of these things without crying, whining or screaming.

There's a reason they're so darn cute. For parents, handling a 2-year-old's 2-year-oldness can be a challenge. You can't rationalize with them. You know they're not being little toddler terrors on purpose. You know that they're just learning and that it's a stage and a phase that won't last forever, but when you're in it? Phew.

The key to getting through it is to be able to find the humor in it. Sometimes it's just so absurd that all you can do is laugh. And laughing with other parents who have survived toddlerhood—or who are running the gauntlet alongside you—is one of the best ways to not lose your mind.

That's why former news reporter Kayla Sullivan has gone viral with a fake news report about her toddler's tantrum at an Olive Garden.

Standing in the hallway outside her son's room, speaking into a toy microphone, Sullivan puts on her professional broadcast voice and says, “Kayla Sullivan reporting live from outside my son’s bedroom where he is currently being detained until naptime is over. Now, this story does involve a minor so I can’t release specifics, but what I can confirm is my son is a 2-year-old terrorist who held me hostage at the Olive Garden earlier today.”

@kaylareporting

Now accepting donations for babysitters & or take out! Venmo: @Kayla-Sullivan-96 🤣 #NewsVoice #ToddlerMom #EveryKiss #newsvoice #YerAWizard #2022

Sullivan is a former reporter for Indiana's Fox59 and Indianapolis' CBS4 and a former news anchor at WLFI who, according to her TikTok description, is "now coming @ you live from #MomLife."

Her delivery is spot on. People in the comments said they were just waiting for the cut to live footage.

"I brought my son's favorite snacks, and even risked judgment from other moms by bringing an iPad"—oh yeah, felt that.

"Not even Cocomelon could stop this meltdown." Yep, been there.

"Chech-up! CHECH-UUUP!!!" Definitely felt that, too.

We've all had moments when we feel like we completely suck at the "gentle parenting" thing, but fortunately, the tantrummy toddler years don't last forever.

Sullivan's video has been viewed a whopping 30 million times and has gotten praise and shares from tons of well-known people, from Alyssa Milano to Andy Grammer to Nick Cannon. Sullivan hit a comedy nerve that all parents can relate to and did it in an unexpected way.

But she didn't end there. She also posted a follow-up report with eyewitness interviews, and holy moly, the accuracy.

@kaylareporting

I don’t like to ruffle feathers but… JK I’m a news reporter of COURSE I love ruffling feathers🤣 #FYP #NewsVoice #Funny #Parenting #momtok #2022 #fypシ

We've all run into some Tammys and Karens in our lives—the moms who just can't help telling you you're doing it wrong, despite the fact that they are no more of an expert on parenting than you are. But the caricatures of these moms are hilarious.

Sullivan seems to have successfully carved out a niche for herself in the mom comedy space. Follow her on TikTok @kaylareporting for more.


This article originally appeared two years ago.