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The 13 signs that someone is 'dangerously good' at reading people

"You feel comfortable talking to them, and you find yourself sharing things with them that you don’t typically share."

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A woman enjoying a conversation while drinking wine.

Some people are just naturally good at reading others. They pick up on subtle cues, body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions that go over other people’s heads. They are adept at seeing past other people's words and cuing into the energy or emotions behind them.

People who are great at reading others have a significant advantage in being creative, building relationships, and building teams. But where does it come from? Why does it seem like some people have an extra social muscle that others just don’t?

Some posit that people who are adept at reading others often come from backgrounds where they grew up with chaotic parents or family members. To preserve themselves, they become keen observers of subtle clues to protect themselves against abusive outbursts.

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This makes them excellent students of tone of voice, body language, and emotional states so that they can defend themselves.

abusive dad, angy dad, man drinking coffee, man in a robe, man pointingAn angry man in his kitchen.via Canva/Photos

To those who aren’t brilliant at reading others, these people’s skills seem mysterious at best. So, a Reddit user posed a question to the AskReddit forum to see what other people have noticed about people who are great at reading others. “What's a sign that someone is dangerously good at reading people?” they asked. They received over 1,300 replies, and we compiled the best.

Here are 13 signs that someone is “dangerously good” at reading people.

1. You immediately overshare

"You feel comfortable talking to them and you find yourself sharing things with them you don’t typically share."

2. They're hard to read

"They themselves are typically hard to read."

"Or better yet people think they are reading you and know you but all they know is what you want them to think they know."

3. They're neutral observers

"Observe the person. It helps if you’re naturally empathetic. You can tell when they’re being sincere or when there’s motivation. You can hear it in their voice when they’re nervous, jealous, or uncomfortable. You can see it in their face. You can feel when their energy pauses, dips, or spikes. The key is to be neutral yourself. If you’re not invested in the outcome of the interaction at all, you can read others better."

"My mom is the one who tipped me off to this. She said it was the key to learning about our lives when we were preteens and teens. She said she was careful not to ever react in big ways to anything we said, especially if it was negative, because if she did we would be more likely to stop providing info. If she acted neutral, we’d keep talking."


woman, wine, party, conversation, social event, formal eventA woman having a good conversation.via Canva/Photos


4. They had unpredictable parents

"Some people who grew up with unpredictable parents become hyper-observant of micro-expressions. When coupled with empathy and a good memory, they can ask good questions at the right time, or pick up on unspoken emotions (or intentions/danger). This can be a blessing and a curse."

"This is exactly how I got good at reading people. If I found myself unable to predict what my father was going to do next, there's a good chance bad things happen to me. It's born out of necessity."

5. They know you before you open your mouth

"They clock your mood or thoughts before you’ve even said anything. They would ask really specific questions. Not nosy, just oddly on point. Also, watch how fast they adjust. You’re all fired up, and they’re calm and grounding."

6. They're accurate

"When they say something about you that you’ve never told anyone, but it’s scarily accurate... like ?? How do you know that, that’s when you know they’re built different."

7. They may sabotage themselves

"People who are highly intuitive, very observant and understands people dynamics usually at the expense of knowing themselves well at times."

"OH MY GOD. This. This this this. This is exactly my wife who is by far the best people person I've ever seen...and she's terrible at understanding herself or solving her own problems."


man and woman, man in suit, serious conversation, talking with hands, blonde manA man and woman in deep conversation. via Canva/Photos

8. They understand receptivity

"Children and animals like and trust them. They are constantly aware of the receptivity levels of others."

9. They ask the right questions

"When they ask lots of questions to people, especially when they’re based off observations.

You usually don’t ___ and i see now you’re ___, is everything alright?

Since you’ve been dating your partner, I’ve noticed _____. What’s up?

I’ve noticed when you feel like ____ you usually do _____, and you’ve been doing ____ lots recently, how come?

NEVER in a way which sounds or is judgemental, is always evidence based, and as a result people are often willing to open up and elaborate more without fear of being judged. My friends do this and I try so hard to learn from them."


10. They don't show it

"One of the biggest signs that someone is exceptionally skilled at reading people is that they don’t show it. People who are truly skilled observers mask their awareness and let others underestimate them while they quietly collect insight. They downplay their intuition and pretend to guess poorly. Also, they ask or say things that are psychologically strategic."

11. You don't know them, but they know you

"You feel super close to them, very comfortable sharing anything with them and consider them a close friend. In retrospect, you realize you know next to nothing about them beyond the surface."

12. They can make friends with anyone

"I had a friend who was insanely good at reading people. He once told me 'if I want you to be my friend, you will.' I believed it too. He could be friends with anyone."

"That's kinda creepy ngl, smacks of the Machiavellian type more than the empathetic type."

13. You're afraid to lie around them

"You feel like you’re talking to a raven and you’re scared to lie."

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Salespeople make you uncomfortable? Here are 15 ways to confidently say no.

"They are counting on you to be polite."

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A salesman on a used-car lot.

It can be challenging for people who consider themselves friendly and polite to deal with aggressive salespeople, whether interacting with a guy on a car lot or having someone come to your door to sell a vacuum. Friendly folks tend to avoid conflict and want to get along with everyone harmoniously. So, it’s hard for them to ignore salespeople or stand up to them when they push too hard.

This creates a problem in which the nice person feels pressured and sometimes obligated to purchase something from the salesperson, who, in reality, sees them as nothing more than a customer. To avoid these situations, the key for friendly folks is to realize that the salesperson isn’t afraid of being rejected and is inconsiderate by pushing their products and taking up your time.

To help people with their social skills in combatting aggressive salespeople, some people on Reddit recently shared their types for avoiding salespeople or how to tell them that you’re not interested. The key is to realize that the customer has all the power in this situation, and the salesperson has no right to push anything on them they don’t need.


Here are 15 ways to confidently say “no” to a salesperson.

1. Not for me

“'Hey, this is not for me and I am not interested.' Then walk away firmly."

2. They're taking advantage of you

"Salespeople (and religious proselytizers, political canvassers, etc.) are breaking the social contract by weaponizing it against you. They’re taking advantage of your unwillingness to act rude to manipulate you into things you don’t want or meaningfully consent to. It’s fine to be 'rude' by saying 'not interested' and walking away. You actually don’t have to say anything at all, if you walk away they’re unlikely to follow you for more than a few steps."

3. You're not hurting them

"Do not be afraid to hurt the salesperson by rejecting their offer."

4. They're used to rejection

"Expert sales consultant here. Just make it clear from the beginning you are not interested, we are used to it, some of my friendliest returning clients are clients who didn't buy the first time. If you liked the product but the price or end policy made you uncomfortable, just say it, and trust me, most salespeople will be happy that you are happy. We meet hundreds of clients a week and some a day, rejection for us is the norm."


5. Hard no

“'No' is a complete sentence. If they keep pushing you repeat yourself and walk away, you can be firm without being aggressive."

6. Be short, clear, absolute

Best move? Short, clear, and absolute. No excuses, no room for rebuttal.
• ‘No thanks, have a good day.’ (Keep walking.)
• ‘I’m not interested.’ (Said with finality.)
• ‘No, but good luck.’ (Acknowledges them, but shuts it down.)
The key is no pauses, no lingering eye contact, and keep moving. They get it—it’s their job to push, but it’s your job to walk."

7. Keep walking

"You literally say a polite, 'No, thank you' and keep walking. That really is all there is to it. They'll just latch onto the next person. If they keep pushing, pull out your phone and pretend you're making or receiving an important call and can't talk. Trust me, they're used to rejection, so they'll brush it off and move on."

8. It's ok to be a little rude

"Get more comfortable being rude. Remember, they are PREYING on people like you, like a parasite. They're not trying to do you any favors. They know no one would buy whatever they are selling, and they're counting on people being too polite to say 'no' to pushy sales tactics. You dont owe them anything at all."


9. The longer you talk, the angrier they'll be

"As an ex-salesperson, don't entertain it. I always say I'm in a hurry or I'm late for something. you just gotta get used to doing it, I used to think it was so mean until I learned that the longer you talk to them, the more they think you're gonna buy or sign up or whatever and they're gonna get pissed anyway. Probably even more than if you just said no and kept it moving haha."

10. You're the mark

"They’re not being polite, they’re pretending to be polite. They see you only as a mark."

11. I'm trying to quit

"When I get approached by a salesperson at a mall, event, store, etc, I use the same line. They say 'Would you like to try/buy/apply for X' and I respond with 'No thanks. I'm trying to quit.' It works flawlessly and gets a laugh from us both. It even works on wait staff at restaurants too. When you say you're trying to quit after they ask if want a 3rd martini always gets a funny look. Hahaha."


12. Just swerve

"I legitimately just walk right by them. Some have even moved into my way to try to get my attention, I swerve right around them while pretending I don’t even see them. My favorite was when I swerved, he kept talking, and then I got caught at a crosswalk. He stood right next to me talking to me, trying to get my attention, while I stood there bopping to my music ignoring his existence entirely. You don’t owe anyone anything. You’re on a public street, you’re not at all obligated to talk to this person. It’s not even rude to not talk to them. What’s rude is them expecting you to give them your time."

13. Act like they aren't there

"I would literally just act as though they aren't there. If it's the free sample people, and if I'm not interested in free samples, I say 'no thank you' without stopping. If I am interested in free samples but don't care for buying, I'll take the sample, say thank you, and keep walking."

14. Don't give them a reason

"Yup, don't give them any reason. If you give them a reason, they have a script prepared to argue it. 'No thanks. Have a good day!' And keep walking. Or if they're at your door, close the door. You've been polite. You wished them a good day. But the conversation is over, and you don't have to stand there while they take up your time trying to sell you something you have said you don't want."

15. Wear sunglasses

"Sunglasses. I made it 5 days on Fremont Street without ever needing to talk to a homeless person/street performer/promoter/scam artist because I wore sunglasses anytime I was walking. When you look in their eyes they’ve got you."

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15 ways to get out of a conversation with someone who won't stop talking

You can leave the conversation without being rude, but it can be tricky.

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A woman is bored by a very long story.

There are few things worse than getting stuck in a conversation with someone who can’t stop talking. It’s even worse when that person is a coworker you must see daily, and they repeatedly chew your ear off. The tricky part is that you want them to stop, but it’s hard without being rude.

Sometimes, it feels like the best thing to do is to walk away. However, there are a lot of people who are neurodivergent and have ADHD or autism and have a hard time noticing the signs that they have been talking too much or noticing other people’s cues that it’s time to wrap it up. So, in those cases, it’s important to be polite because the other person may know they are being rude.

What’s the best way to end a conversation with someone who won’t stop talking? A group of folks online have been discussing the topic, and we put together a list of their most effective ways to exit a conversation. Most of the suggestions are polite, but some folks make the point that if someone is talking up the entire conversation, won’t let anyone get a word in edgewise, and is wasting other people’s time, it’s ok to be a little blunt and walk away. If they're going to be rude, you don't have to be 100% polite.



Here are 15 ways to get out of a conversation with someone who won’t stop talking.

1. Positivity sandwich

"The positivity sandwich works well for anything that can be perceived as critical or negative. Positive/negative/positive. Examples:
'Hey Jim, it was great catching up (positive), but I need to get back to my work, so I can't talk (negative). I love your tie (positive).'"

2. Slow walk back

"I struggled with this for years. If in person, start slowly walking somewhere while talking and, along the way, exclude yourself for some reason. (To use the washroom, do something else, etc.) It takes some practice, but eventually, it’ll become second nature. I now do this all the time. If it’s something remote like a call or video meeting, have your device 'unexpectedly drop.'"

3. Be firm

"A firm 'Excuse me for a moment.' Shuts them up pretty quickly, and it's polite AF."

"Excuse me for a moment, but just stare intently into their eyes, no movement, no sound. But, yeah, I like this."



4. Ear pods

"I have an old lady neighbor who used to pop out with questions whenever I left the house. I started leaving with AirPods in, gesturing that I was on a call. I work from home, so it's believable. I do the same with charity muggers. With my other neighbor, who is ok for 5 mins, I give it 5 mins and say, 'ok, nice to catch up, I gotta dash.'"

5. 'I just remembered...'

"I find the best, most polite conversation breaker is to remember something very important just then. I'll kind of look to the side and do a routine that says, "Oh Crap, I just remembered," and then haul off. Then I'll just apologize later.

'Oh Crap, I was supposed to call X.'
'Oh crap, I was supposed to get with X.'
'Oh Crap, I've got a ZOOM in 5'
'Crap, I totally spaced, I've got to get to X'

I've been in some real face-numbing conversations before I learned this secret and ancient art. It's one fluid motion right out of the conversation. A flinch, a troubled face, a checking of the phone or the time, and walking out."

6. Stay strong

"The absolute most important thing is do not positively engage the conversation. If you contribute, it becomes exponential."

"This is hard for me to do, actually. And I know that it becomes exponentially worse when you engage... I just need to not engage."



7. Just walk away

"My ex-wife would literally just walk away from someone when they wouldn't stop talking. I loved it because it gave me an out from the conversation, lmao."

"I look at it this way: they don't respect my time, so I don't feel like I need to respect their feelings."

8. Conform their point and then bail

"I will usually repeat something they just said and agree with it, rephrase it, and then apologize for talking their ear off and say I need to get going, but it was nice chatting with them and start walking off. 'Yes! Exactly like, obviously, the moon landing was fake. It is ridiculous that more people don't see that. Like obviously, if you look at all the facts you mentioned, people should realize that it's obvious. But man, I'm sorry for taking so much of your time. I need to get going, but it was nice chatting with you.'"

9. The white flag

"When you are approaching your saturation point, throw out a white flag as a warning. Just like a race car driver gets a white flag indicating time constraints, you must throw one before you can legitimately stop a monopolizer in his tracks. For example, You are in your office, and your friend Gary comes by to tell you about his golf game. When you are running out of time, interest, or willpower, you throw a white flag by saying: 'Wow, Gary, that’s an amazing round you shot. Before you continue, I need to let you know that in a few minutes, I have to get back to preparing the budget.' You have politely given Gary the signal that you need to end the conversation shortly. Gary takes another four minutes telling you of his exploits on the twelfth and thirteenth holes. You can now wrap it up by saying: 'Well, Gary, that’s really something. I have to take care of the budget right now. Maybe we can catch up another time.' You can now turn your attention to your budget without worry. You were gracious and obliging, and you gave fair warning that it was time to end the chat."

10. Burst out laughing

"At my previous job, I was in the lunch room with a couple of colleagues. One of them asked about our weekends. My answer was pretty succinct, but the other guy ended up talking for almost half an hour about every single thing that happened to him that weekend. Once I realized how long he'd been talking, I actually burst out laughing. I felt a bit bad explaining why I found it so amusing, but it did at least get him to stop."



11. Is this a speech?

"Don’t put up with this BS. Walk away or explain two people talking is a conversation, you talking is a speech. Do you want to have a conversation or give speeches? Don’t tailor to his narcissism."

12. Look disengaged

"Do what I do. Look as disengaged as possible. Shift weight from one foot to the other. Put your hands on your hips. Look at your phone. Look around the room. Don’t make much eye contact. When people see that you are clearly not a willing participant in what’s essentially a spiel, they’ll typically ask if they’re keeping you. That, my friend, is your get-out-of-jail-free card. If that doesn’t work, walk right towards the door, interrupt him, and tell him you have a whole day’s worth of events planned out and have to be on your way."



13. I will let you go

"I will let you go. I'm sure you're busy, and I have to . It was nice talking with you. We'll talk later.' Hopefully, they say bye, and then you say bye. If not, then, 'Well, I really gotta go. Talk to you later, bye.'"

"This is a good one, I usually end up saying, 'Oh well, I better let you go then' if they are talking about how much they still have to do, another is 'Well, I don't want to hold you back' I think these work because the other person likes to think they're really busy and have a hectic schedule but really you just haven't got a word in edgeways and good conversation needs to be talking and listening. These only really work if a person brings up what they are about to do, etc."

14. Make it a walking conversation

"Make a move and move nearer to that person like you're gonna walk and talk at the same time, and they will probably back away because of the need for private space. If you were successful, you'd have moved this convo from a stationary one to a moving one. Walk faster so that the other party pants and doesn't talk that much. If he/she still persists, pray and good luck to you because you'll need it."

15. The awkward joke

"My response to these types of conversations used to be that of "running away" because it felt very aggressive and confrontational to me, but now that I've been focusing on learning better listening skills, I've started a new approach. Sometimes, it's making a confusing joke; sometimes, it's a dumb wink or, a poke, or a laugh. It totally depends on the person and the situation, but if you actually listen to them, they are communicating in their body language or what they are saying that they think something is wrong with them. Just like pretty much every member of this group. One of the prime reasons for social skills deficiencies is an inability to communicate difficulty, and it comes out in the emotional intensity of friendly interactions, which drives people away."

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15 conversation prompts to connect on a deeper level without making it weird

These "reflective" topics are meaningful but not overly personal.

Photo credit: Canva

It's not always easy to have good conversations in groups.

When family and friends gather together, conversations can go a few ways. If you’re genuinely close and used to sharing openly, conversation may flow naturally with no need for assistance. If you’re getting together with people you rarely see, don’t know very well, or struggle to connect with, however, conversations can feel mundane, stilted or awkward. Even with family, a 50-year-old trying to talk to a 15-year-old extended relative can be difficult without knowing what questions to ask.

Whether we’re getting together with people we know or people we are meeting for the first time, it’s nice to be able to go a little deeper than talking about the weather or pop culture. Politics is a minefield, now more than ever, and not everyone wants to share the nitty gritty details of their personal lives, so it can be hard to figure out how to have meaningful conversations without making it weird.

Ordinary & Happy offers a list of “reflective topics” that can help improve conversations with anyone of any age. Here are some examples of questions based on their suggestions and some reasons they're so effective.

Looking back

What’s something you learned this past year?

Who was an influential person in your life last year?

What’s something you accomplished this year that surprised you?

The good thing about looking back over the past year is that the experiences are fairly fresh. A year is a good amount of time to think about because it’s short enough to not be overwhelming but long enough to have had some interesting experiences and learnings.

Looking again

What’s something you rediscovered a love for?

What’s something or someone you’ve reconnected after a long time?

What’s a place you’ve visited that you really enjoyed?

A twist on reflection, adding a “re” element by asking someone about something they might have forgotten about or disconnected from but found again can be a fun way to think about the previous year a little bit differently. And of course, places we’ve enjoyed visiting is always a solid topic.

Looking ahead

What’s something you want to improve on next year?

What’s a goal you have for next year?

What’s something you’re looking forward to next year?

It can be a little tricky to ask people about the future, especially young people who often feel a lot of pressure to have their futures figured out. But on a personal level, we all have things we’re looking forward to as well as intentions for our future, even if we don’t know how it’s all going to play out.

Looking inside

How has your perception of time changed?

Have your values shifted or changed and what prompted it?

What’s something you learned about yourself this year?

These questions offer a way to get to know someone without asking about too-personal topics. Values might be considered personal, but there are a lot of ways to ask people about how the way they see the world or themselves has changed.

man and woman talking over coffeeThese prompts can work in a group or one-on-one conversations.Photo credit: Canva

Looking at being human

What do you believe is a key to good communication?

What do you believe is one of the best ways to build trust?

What do you believe the last year taught you about life?

Broadening the questions to more general human experiences rather than focusing them on an individual is a good way to pivot if people seem to feel uncomfortable talking about themselves. The adage “People love to talk about themselves” isn’t always true, but most people will weigh in on a light philosophical question like “What do you think makes someone a good friend?” or “What do you think the world needs more of?”

Anyone can come up with these kinds of reflective questions. A few tips to keep in mind, though:

- Try to avoid words like “favorite” or “best” unless you preface it with “one of.” You don’t want to force people to sort through their thoughts and put them in a particular order. Some people may have one favorite place or memory, but more often than not there are many things that could compete for that title and trying to narrow down one makes people freeze up.

- Stick to universal human experiences. We’ve all discovering things about ourselves and the world all the time, but we’re not all into the same things. “What’s a place that makes you feel peaceful?” works better than “What’s your favorite place to vacation?” Keep questions broad and focused on human characteristics instead of niche experiences people may or may not have had.

- Put questions into your own words. You might not say, "What's one thing you learned this year?" For you, it might be, "Hey, tell me about an interesting learning experience you had this year. What stands out to you?" The more natural the question in your own voice, the better. It's the topic that matters, not the wording.

Happy conversating!

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