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Communication coach shares 7 ways to get out of a conversation without being awkward or rude

For many folks, figuring out how to end a conversation is even harder than starting one.

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It's not always easy to ease your way out of a conversation.

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation you don't really want to be in anymore? Maybe the conversation's gone on too long or the person has you cornered or you just genuinely don't have time to keep talking with them?

For some people, figuring out how to end a conversation without being rude or making it awkward is a challenge. Social etiquette is not always intuitive, and while some seem to to effortlessly navigate all kinds of social situations, many of us struggle with certain aspects of socializing. Most people might assume that starting a conversation is the hardest thing, but ending one can be equally or more challenging. You can't just suddenly say, "Okay, bye," without warning, but that transition between conversing and leaving doesn't always happen naturally.

Thankfully, communication coach Alexander Lyon has offered 7 clear ways to wrap up a conversation politely to help those who need a little help.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Here's what he suggests:

1. End on your turn

Every conversation is a back-and-forth, with people taking turns talking. Interrupting the other person to say you need to go can come across as rude, so make sure you plan to end the conversation when you're already talking. "All the rest of the tips flow from this concept," Lyon says.

2. State a time limit

This can come at any point in the conversation. If you're talking to someone you know might drag it out, it might be good to place it at the beginning of the conversation: "Hey Steve, I've got about five minutes. What's up?" That way they know the conversation time is going to be limited from the get go. You can also drop the time when you're ready to wrap up: "I only have one minute before I have to go, so let me finish with this thought." That way the person knows the conversation is coming to a close.

3. Start packing up

Those who feel awkward about ending a conversation might feel like it's awkward to start gathering your things before the conversation is concluded. But it's a normal thing to signal through behavior, and packing up signals to the other person that you're ready to end the conversation.

"You start putting things in your bag. You get your keys out. You put your coat on. This shows them oh something's changing here. Alex is about to leave." Lyon says these are non-verbal actions are called leave-taking behaviors. "This is what we all do naturally when we're about to go and so these cues are really known and powerful to most people. They will pick up on them," he says.

4. Say you've gotta go

This might seem obvious, but Lyon assures us that that's exactly why it works. "You have to use phrases that they're used to hearing like 'I've gotta run,' 'I've got to get going,'" he says. "Those are phrases that signal, once again, that you're going to go. A lot of times people even feel like just saying that feels rude. But I assure you these are just common phrases that, wrapped into the other tips, they're going to understand that this means you're going to go."


via GIPHY

5. Tell them what's next

Share what you're going to be doing after the conversation. "If you say things like, 'I have a meeting to go to' or 'I have some projects that I've got to get back on' or 'I'm a little behind on some work,' then they'll know that, 'Oh he's not just abandoning the conversation because he doesn't like me. He's going because he has something else to do,'" explains Lyon. You don't have to be super specific, just clear and concise.

6. Insert polite pleasantries

This is where you say things like, "It was so great catching up!" or "I hope we get to chat again soon," or "I'm so happy we got a chance to talk," to indicate that it's time to move on but you've enjoyed the conversation. Lyon shares that these kinds of statements signal to the person that the conversation is coming to a close and are such a normal part of interactions that the person will understand what they mean.

7. Apologize and repeat any of the above, if necessary

If the person is really holding on and not taking the hint, say something like, "So sorry, I really have to get going, but it was so lovely to chat with you," or something similar. "A lot of times people need that little extra reinforcement toward the end," Lyon says. He says you don't want to drag the apology or make a big deal out of it—just a quick, "Sorry, but I gotta go," or "I apologize, but I'm running late," will do. "It doesn't mean you've actually done something wrong that you need to apologize for. It's just a way once again to signal that you're trying to be respectful to that person," Lyon explains.

Even if some of these tips feel awkward or rude, Lyon assures us that they aren't. People with social anxieties can often overthink interactions, so having such reassurances can be helpful. Courtesy in conversation is one of the ways we maintain social connections, so learning how to politely end a conversation is a valuable skill.

You can follow Communication Coach Alexander Lyon on YouTube.

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These 3 stories show how we're subconsciously teaching children to be fatphobic.

I was The Fat Girl™ growing up.

Nearly every school and class has one because fatphobia is about normalizing hierarchy and social control. No matter what the relative weight or size spread of the group, there's always a biggest kid.

Recently I was talking to a group of teenage girls for their high school's Women of Color Speakers Series. I talked a lot about what it was like being TFG.

Fatphobia shows up in a lot of different ways, and those ways change over a person's lifetime. Most people only think of stigma as the "moment of impact" — the moment when one person treats another person in a cruel or violent way because of who they are. But stigma is never just those moments; it can happen without the conscious intent of another person and can often seem harmless.

Children in particular are encouraged to assimilate into our ways of knowing and doing, which aren't always awesome — especially when it comes to fatphobia.

Here are some examples of fatphobia that occur in childhood to help illuminate the nuance of it:

1. Exclusively casting fat children as elders, foils, or villains in plays and productions.

Every fall from age 5 to 12, it came time to rehearse the Christmas play at my Pentecostal church. Each year, the plot was a little different but often included a beautiful girl, a boy hero, and a lesson about humility or the true meaning of Christmas. Every year, I, like most of my friends, really wanted a lead part. As hard as I tried, practiced, rehearsed, or memorized, I knew I wasn't the kind of kid who could ever be cast as a lead — because I was fat.

That didn't stop me from wishing, but each time it fell through, I kicked myself for having wanted something so unattainable.

The last time I was in the Christmas pageant, I was cast as Monica, a third-wheel loser who went around chasing the hottest boy in church as he barely tolerated my advances. I was proud of this role because, unlike previous years, I got several lines. For some reason, I was also dressed like a huge bell the entire time. I liked that I made people laugh, but I didn't have the intellectual tools to understand that they were laughing at the familiarity of the insulting trope.

When fat children are consistently cast as the same type of character, we are sending them (and everyone else) a message about what is possible, who deserves to be visible, what heroes (and villains) look like, and who is worthy of positive representation and outcomes.

2. Monitoring how fat children eat.

Science says that children are often hungry. They like the stuff they've seen popularized on television. They like sugar and starchy stuff because it's delicious but also because they're growing. As a child, I was on the receiving end of differential treatment in both directions — sometimes being encouraged to eat less than my smaller peers or being served twice or three times the amount of food without any indication from me that I wanted that.

It's important to recognize that no matter the size of a child, they have the right to have judgment-free eating experiences.

3. Asking fat children to ignore hateful language and behavior.

Children can understand notions like justice and community and are natural self-advocates.

We teach marginalized children to be disempowered. This is facilitated by adults' and peers' sense that certain types of anti-social behavior are normal. Because of our own cultural education, we don't see certain manifestations of sexism ("boys will be boys," especially if they're white boys), fatphobia, and ableism, for example, as a "big deal."

Furthermore, we are sometimes unknowingly committed to the hierarchies that are maintained through anti-social behavior because we see them play out in our own lives.

At school, it is the targeted child's job to self-resolve hateful language and behavior. This sets up the victim-blaming mentality that fat children carry into adulthood. It's never OK when someone targets someone because of their body size. Older children, peers, and adults can help develop easy-to-remember scripts and create communities of accountability where adults and teachers are not the only people capable of mediation or resolution.

There’s this belief that bigger children are more adult-like and can therefore withstand more emotionally or physically.

This is dehumanization and stigma, plain and simple. Childhood is not determined by how small or large a child is. Children — no matter what their size or what they've been taught about their size — deserve to be treated with care and responsibility, free from the stigma we grew up knowing.

This story originally appeared on Ravishly and is reprinted here with permission. More from Ravishly:

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There’s a surprising science behind making friends, and this psychologist is teaching it.

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UCLA Optimists

Imagine if someone jumped into your conversation at a party without an introduction, interrupting you mid-sentence.

That might strike you as odd or rude. But when we give someone the simple advice to "just go up and introduce yourself," we're skipping many of the nonverbal steps important to making a good impression.

For most, connecting with other people relies on intuition. However,social interactions of all sorts — from just saying "hello" to a new acquaintance to interviewing for a new job — can be challenging. For people with autism, it can be even more difficult to know how to strike up that first conversation.

Image via iStock.

That’s why UCLA psychologist Dr. Elizabeth Laugeson made it her mission to help.

Through her work at the Semel Institute and her work with Fred Frankel in 2005, she created a program that helps young adults with social challenges, such as those on the autism spectrum, make and keep friends by breaking down social interactions into easy-to-follow steps.

This program, called the Program for the Education and Enrichment of Relational Skills (PEERS), teaches them how tolisten, interact, and communicate with others.  

Photo from UCLA PEERS via AP.

"We want to teach to the way that [people with autism] think. What works? Concrete rules and steps," Laugeson explains.

Most people pick up on social cues, like body language and facial expressions, quite naturally. But many people with autism struggle with abstract thinking. Concrete communication works best for many, according to the Indiana Research Center for Autism.

That's why, Laugeson explains, the first step is actually about learning to listen before jumping in.

"The first step is that you’d watch the conversation and kind of listen to the conversation," she explains.

Image via iStock.

Some of us might use a prop, like a cellphone, to look distracted while listening to a conversation we’re thinking about joining. We’ll spend this time eavesdropping for a common interest.

Next, we might move closer to the conversation, waiting for a pause to jump in with something on topic. Of course, this process involves assessing whether the person or group is interested in talking to us.

Introductions usually don’t come until mid-conversation, Laugeson says. This is why "just go up and say hello" may not the best advice, especially for people who struggle to pick up on subtle cues.

There are social nuances that go beyond first interactions, too, and the curriculum at PEERS addresses many of them.

UCLA PEERS also teaches students how to deal with conflict and bullying, for example.

Individuals with autism are especially vulnerable to bullying. The Interactive Autism Network found in a study that 63% of children ages 6 to 15 with autism spectrum disorder have experienced bullying.

Image via iStock.

This is another area where neurotypical people may give ineffective advice. People usually suggest dealing with teasing in one of three ways: ignore the bully, walk away, or tell an adult. But these strategies don’t always work, Laugeson says.

"These responses often make it worse for the victim and not better," she explains.

During a bullying situation, a neurotypical person will usually respond with a short, dismissive comeback. A casual "whatever" or "Is that supposed to be funny?" can make the aggressor’s comments seem boring.

This is a great way to show the ability to stand up for one’s self while diffusing the situation and avoiding more confrontation. Laugeson teaches this tactic in PEERS to her students, helping them deal with teasing in a way others might naturally react.

Image via iStock.

These are just a few ways that PEERS helps students who struggle socially.

Since 2005, PEERS has expanded from UCLA to locations across the country and throughout the world.

The PEERS method can also help preschoolers, adolescents, and young adults with ADHD, anxiety, depression, and other socio-emotional problems too.

And it’s more accessible than ever, thanks to her book, "The Science of Making Friends," and an app called FriendMaker, which acts as a virtual coach for social situations and includes role-playing exercises for making and keeping friends.

Friendship is a critical part of mental health, though it’s easy to take this for granted.

This is why programs like UCLA PEERS are so important, particularly for individuals who can't easily navigate social situations.

According to the Mayo Clinic, friendships can boost happiness, encourage a healthy lifestyle, reduce stress, improve self-confidence, help in coping with trauma, and much more.

Laugeson teaching social skills at a PEERS group. Image from UCLA PEERS via AP.

Laugeson shared a story of a student who had been in and out of psychiatric units with a long history of mental health issues. The young man had tried many medications by the time he joined PEERS.

"This was a kid who had been highly medicated over the years. He came to me at graduation and he told me friendship was the best medicine for him," Laugeson recounted. "It absolutely can change a life to have a friend."

PEERS has helped numerous students like him, not only in making friends, but in attending college, getting jobs, and even embarking on romantic relationships.

For the past 12 years, the skills taught at PEERS have helped improve the lives of thousands of people all over the world. For a skill set that’s so rarely taught, it’s transformative to make the art of friendship a little more accessible for those who need it.

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Having a rough week? Here are 9 brilliant and easy ways you can turn it around.

Guess what day it is...

Hump dayyyyyy! GIF via Geico.

That's right, kids. It's Wednesday! Hump day. The fulcrum on which your whole week turns. Or pivots. Maybe tips? Whatever fulcrums do.

The point is, you made it. Monday is a distant memory, and the weekend is becoming a faint but enchanting glimmer in your future. It's all downhill from here.

If you haven't been having a good week, though, today might just feel like another crappy day. Don't worry. It's not too late to turn this week from bad to good. In fact, there are a few simple things you can do to reverse the cycle.

Here are nine science-approved ways to turn your week around.

Because we can't all have the naturally boisterous excitement of a workplace camel.

1. Move to a different work spot. Even if it's just for a minute.

Changing up your scenery does amazing things for your mood. When you're stuck in a rut, changing your environment sends a signal to your brain that the current cycle isn't going to continue.

"Drive around, take a walk, or just go to a different floor. The key is to put yourself in a different physical location,” says Annie McKee, founder of the Teleos Leadership Institute.

Don't worry, he just works better with his eyes closed. Photo via iStock.

If there's truly no way to work from a different spot, just get away from your desk for a minute. Take a quick walk outside or say hi to someone in a different office. It'll help you to not feel trapped.

2. Stand like Wonder Woman. No seriously.

It may sound weird, but there's research to suggest that so-called "power poses" can actually improve your mindset. They help you feel more in control of your world and can boost your confidence.

Which is perfect if a stack of paperwork has left you feeling helpless, or if you made a mistake that got you some flak earlier in the week.

Costumes not included. Photo by Matthier Alexandre/AFP/Getty Images.

"Body-mind approaches such as power posing rely on the body, which has a more primitive and direct link to the mind, to tell you you're confident," says Amy Cuddy, a Harvard Business School professor.

Basically, your mind listens to your body. So standing like a superhero can start to make you feel like one. And who better to knock this day out of the park and into the stratosphere than a superhero?

3. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

Forgiveness — especially self-forgiveness — is a pretty great thing.

You've seen the posters: "We all make mistakes," "No one is perfect," "You're a snowflake," etc. The fact is, if your mistake didn't make the world crash and burn, it's probably OK to let it go.

"When resentment is interfering with your life, it's time to forgive yourself," says Sharon Harman, a clinical trainer at the Caron Foundation. "So many people have a constant, critical voice in their heads narrating their every move."

Letting the little things go is way better than your four different sizes of coffee. Photo via iStock.

And it's that voice that could be dragging down your whole week. Don't let the mistakes of Monday be the grumpiness and lethargy of Wednesday. Let it go. Whatever it is, everyone else has probably forgotten about it by now.

Except for Karen. She remembers everything.

4. Prioritize and schedule. Your brain loves that.

If you feel like you've already lost control of your week, it's time to take a step back. Things are hardly ever as bad as they seem.

Ask yourself: What actually needs to get done today? What needs to get done before the end of the week? What can be back-burnered for a later date? Figure all that out and start scheduling your time.


1. Pick up glasses. 2. Put on face. 3. Finish to-do list. Photo via iStock.

Also, make a to-do list. Your brain is a huge fan ofto-do lists, and they can make you more efficient at tackling responsibilities.

"Even when you are overwhelmed with tasks, the most important thing you can do is make a plan on how to get them done, starting with a to-do list," writes Jonathan Becher. "Simply writing the tasks down will make you more effective."

5. Socialize with someone. Anyone.

Little-known secret: We need human interaction to feel OK.

If all you've been doing is working, you may not have even noticed that your social life has slipped. Talking to Greg at the water cooler about last night's "Top Chef" doesn't really count, either. You're still at work!

Go out and cut loose. You don't have to do keg stands and Jägerbombs or anything (unless you want to). Grab dinner or drinks with a friend. Or just walk around the park with someone.


"Hey guys, wanna get together on my roof and HIGH-FIVE THE SUN?!" Photo via iStock.

Have a significant other? Take them on a date! Been married for 25 years and think you've outgrown dates? Yeah ... ask your partner how they feel about that.

A little midweek socialization can lift your mood enough to glide through right to Friday. Pro tip: Don't look at your phone the whole time.

6. Do something nice for someone.

You hear that? It sounds like two birds. Here's your one stone: Performing a simple act of kindness can be uplifting for you and totally make someone else's day.

Whether it’s buying a coworker coffee, paying a toll for the car behind you, or even just complimenting someone’s sweater, those little actions will make someone smile and, in turn, make you a happier person.

This guy either just got a compliment or is currently watching a very tall clown. Photo via iStock.

“People who engage in kind acts become happier over time,” says psychology professor Sonja Lyubomirsky. “When you are kind to others, you feel good as a person — more moral, optimistic, and positive.”

Why not improve your week by improving someone else's?

7. Treat yo self. Take some "you" time.

If you have a full-time job and a family, chances are you spend a LOT of time trying to make others happy.

When was the last time you did something just for you?

"I do think it’s important to take time for treats, because treats help us to feel energized, restored, and light-hearted," writes Gretchen Rubin. "Without them, we can start to feel resentful, depleted, and irritable."

The scented candles are to mask the farts. Photo via iStock.

So take a bath with those expensive scented candles. Watch that zombie movie you know your wife will hate. Take a run through your neighborhood, or get a nice cappuccino. Whatever does it for you, make some time to do it for you.

8. Listen to your favorite song. No, really, do it right now.

The fact that music can boost your mood has been well-documented and well-researched. It also shouldn't be that surprising — nothing feels better than listening to the music you love.

You can also increase productivity by turning on your computers! Photo via iStock.

If you've got the blues (oof), listening to music can make you feel totally jazzed (yikes) and ready to rock (I'm so sorry) the rest of your day. Which will get you all set up for a better week.

Plus, your favorite song is awesome. That's why it's your favorite, right?

9. This one might be obvious: Pet an animal.

Ever wonder why you love petting animals so much? Well, same reason you like pretty much anything. Brain chemicals!

Petting animals releases oxytocin, which is a feel-good hormone that improves mood while reducing stress and anxiety.

"Sorry your week was so RUFF. Get it? I'm a dog." Photo via iStock.

If you have a pet, today is a good day to force them to cuddle with you. If you don't have a pet, don't worry, there are options. You can either recruit someone else's pet or just follow a random dog down the street. Eventually you'll get close enough to pet them.

If the dog's owner gets mad at you, just tell them you're doing it for the oxytocin. Tell them you're having a bad week and this is how you plan to turn it around. You can even tell them it's an act of kindness on their part! Which will make their day better too! Remember the two birds?

It's not too late to turn this bad week into a great one.

The key here is that you shouldn't give up. We all have bad days, bad afternoons, bad hours. Those are temporary states, and they don't define you.

If you can break out of a mental funk, you can become more productive, more energized, and happier. Life's too short to wallow in the bad times, and it's definitely too short to have a bad week.

You're the captain of the U.S.S. Workweek. You can turn it around whenever you want.

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