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Woman creates detailed list of things men 'should' be doing for their postpartum wives

This is a solid plan.

Canva, @melissamesser/TikTok

Postpartum can be a challenging time. Extra support goes a long way

Bringing a baby into the world can be a dream come true for many women. But that bliss is quickly compromised by the physical and emotional toll caused by the postpartum phase.

During this time, when hormones are raging and focus is compromised and energy is practically nonexistent—all while trying to recover from extreme physical transformations and keeping a newborn alive—having partner support is more important than ever.

That’s what makes one woman’s detailed list of things husbands (or just the partner who didn’t not deliver the baby, really) can do to help support mom moms through postpartum such an important read.

In a clip posted to her TikTok, Melissa Messer noted that her list was still the “bare minimum” of what she thinks men “should” be doing during the postpartum phase in order to really show support. But the list was comprehensive nonetheless.

To start, Messer stated that two different water bottles should be filled for mom at all times — her water bottle and her peri bottle. One for hydration, the other for comfort.

postpartum care

Have healing products stock and ready to go.

Canva

“Okay, first and arguably most important is that water bottles should always be filled with ice water. Like, don't even let it get to the point where she has to ask. Just have that thing ready. Another thing that should be filled without them having to think about is their peri bottle that they're using to heal,” she said.

And that’s not the only healing product that should be at the ready. Messer also suggested that there be a constant stockpile of pads, disposable underwear and Tucks pads. That way moms “don’t even have to think about it when they go into the bathroom.”

Since emotional support is also part of the job, Messer gave a tip for what to do during late night feedings, which can be “lonely” for their postpartum partner.

“I know, at night, it's like, ‘What can I do? Like I can't feed the baby if she's breastfeeding.’ Wake up in the middle of the night for moral support, you know?” she suggested, which brought her into her next point: “Tell her she's a good mom, at least three times a day minimum.”

Next up: domestic chores, like laundry, housework, changing diapers, etc., so that mom can “shower and nap.” though Messer noted that “that's kind of like a given,” especially if this is the couple’s first child.

For families that already do have kids, Messer said that responsibilities might change a bit, and might require more attention towards the older kids.

“You should be doing everything with the other kids. Checking in and asking if mom needs anything, even though you're with the other kids the whole time,” she explained.

She also added that with multiple kids the house is more likely to be messy, but it should never get “completely overwhelming.”

Last but certainly not least, Messer encouraged husbands to be “extra nice” to their wives, and even get them a “special treat” from time to time. Because “there is so much that moms are going through that guys are never gonna experience.”

@melissmesser Clearly i feel strongly about the water bottle LMAO #greenscreen #momsoftiktok #POSTPARTUM #postpartumrecovery #postpartumjourney #pregnancytiktok #pregnancy #postpartumlife #postpartumsupport #postpartumbody #postpartum ♬ original sound - Melissa

Over in the comments, viewers added some other tips to the list, like managing the meals and buying a bottle warmer for peri bottle, so it can be used instantly.

Others chimed in to praise their current hubbies who already showed up in big ways.

“I see these lists and immediately feel so grateful I got a good one!” one mom wrote.

Another added “I am so emotional right now listening to those knowing I got a good one.”

Postpartum is rarely a walk in the park—for either mom or dad. But just like any other challenge, it can be so much easier to navigate through partnership. And it doesn't hurt to review where you can be a more supportive partner, even if you are already doing a ton of things right. Seeing things simplified into a list just like this one is an easy way to do that.

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Health

The first pill to treat postpartum depression may be ready this year and it could be a game changer

It's in final approvals with the FDA.

via Freepik

A new mother struggling with postpartum depression.

We may be just months away from having the first-ever pill to help treat postpartum depression (PPD). The drug, called Zuranolone, was developed by Sage Therapeutics and Biogen, two companies out of Cambridge, Massachusetts. The FDA has given the drug’s application priority review and the period ends on August 5, 2023.

Currently, there is only one FDA-approved medication for PPD, Zulresso, which is only available through a 60-hour, one-time infusion and can cost up to $35,000 per treatment.

If the medication is approved, it can also be used to treat major depressive disorder (MDD).

What’s unique about the drug is that it is fast-acting. "We feel a tremendous responsibility to patients with MDD and PPD to deliver a potential new treatment option, which is so desperately needed. Most current approved therapies may take weeks or months to work. We are committed to advancing treatments that could help physicians and patients by addressing depression symptoms quickly," Dr. Laura Gault, chief medical officer at Sage Therapeutics Inc., said in a statement.

Zuranolone causes full remission of clinical depression within 45 days in 53% of women versus 30% who received the placebo, according to the study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association Psychiatry.

The new drug could be a godsend to the 500,000 women who suffer from PPD every year. In these women, what starts as a typical case of the “baby blues” can linger and become more intense and lead to an overwhelming loss of energy, irritability, inability to concentrate or make decisions and thoughts of harming themselves or their babies. It also severely inhibits their ability to care for their newborn child.

Symptoms of PPD can begin as early as during pregnancy and as late as a year after giving birth. In rare cases, it can develop into postpartum psychosis, an extreme mood disorder.

PPD is caused by the intense hormonal changes that happen within a woman’s body before and after giving birth. It can also result from numerous anxieties women feel after giving birth, such as the stress of being a “perfect mother,” the effect that pregnancy has on their bodies, being overtired and a lack of free time.

happy mom, happy baby, postpartum depression

A happy, healthy mother and child.

via Pexels.

Zuranolone could also provide faster relief for people dealing with MDD. In 2020, over 14 million Americans were diagnosed with MDD, which creates a persistent feeling of sadness and a loss of interest in things they used to enjoy. It can also affect their ability to have happy, healthy relationships.

In rare situations, MDD can lead to suicidal ideation. Studies show that MDD accounts for up to 89% of all suicides.

If Zuranolone is approved, it will give doctors another vital tool in improving people’s mental health that can relieve debilitating depression in less time. It will also help countless babies that need extra care in their early days from a loving and healthy mother.

If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 for free, confidential support.

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Health

Caring for your mental health after giving birth is about more than postpartum depression

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Depression and other mental health issues after giving birth are more widely recognized.

Nowadays, postpartum depression is so widely known that people who have never birthed a child know many of the warning signs. But when I had my first child, I was unaware that what I was experiencing wasn’t normal.

I was young, and living away from family who could’ve picked up on the signs. Doctors were not as vigilant then as they have been in recent years. I was given a postpartum depression screening at my six-week checkup, and no one asked me any follow-up questions. They handed 19-year-old me a child and essentially said “good luck.” Now, mothers are screened at every well-baby visit for their child, and if you’re a parent, you know those happen every couple of months, gradually spreading out as the infant gets closer to a year old.

By screening at every well-baby visit, doctors are now catching many more cases of postpartum depression before they become severe. They can prescribe a course of medication or advise you to seek out therapy with a licensed therapist specializing in perinatal or postnatal parents. Doctors, midwives and therapists are all taking the development of postpartum depression seriously, but rarely do we hear about other postpartum mental health conditions.


Having an infant can be a challenging time for parents.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

After giving birth to my fourth child, I began to be concerned that something may be wrong with me, but I was too afraid to say anything. I passed the postpartum screenings with flying colors. I was not crying uncontrollably, I felt deep attachment to my baby and never had thoughts of harming myself or my child. Check. Check. Check. But as the weeks and months passed, I grew more concerned. I was constantly in a deep fear of something being wrong with my child or of me somehow hurting him. I would have awful intrusive thoughts that included graphic images of my son falling from my arms and him splattering like a watermelon.

I was concerned that if I told his pediatrician this, they would certainly take him away and remove my other children. This being my fourth child, I knew what to expect, and this was far outside the realm of normal, so I kept quiet. On one of my visits with my midwife to follow up on birth control, she noted my increased anxiety. She deviated from the standard script when she noticed me tense when discussing the baby. It was the first time I had heard of postpartum anxiety. She didn’t think I was crazy and she was able to normalize it for me, while providing me with medication safe for nursing. I felt a weight lifted that day, but so many birthing parents struggle in silence with postpartum conditions they don’t know exist.

Postpartum can activate other mental health conditions outside of depression and anxiety. Some people experience postpartum psychosis, which can be marked by paranoia, auditory or visual hallucinations, as well as delusions. People can experience OCD as well as exacerbation of other underlying mental health conditions that the person may have been suffering from.

It's estimated that 50-85% of people that give birth will experience a mood disturbance in the postpartum period. It’s important to take note of your moods after giving birth, such as with a mood tracking app. It's also helpful to surround yourself with people who will be honest with you about what to expect after birthing a child. Building your support system before your child is born can help alleviate some of the stress that comes with welcoming a new child into the home. Don’t fall into the trap that society sets up for birthing people: You do not have to have it all together, at all times. Having an equal partner in daily tasks far beyond the first few weeks in postpartum is a tremendous help.

If you’ve recently given birth and are struggling, reach out to your doctor or midwife. They’re there to help and often have a working referral network for therapists specializing in the postpartum period.

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Kylie Jenner opens up about her postpartum struggles, sparking a conversation about postpartum expectations

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Kylie Jenner.

It’s pretty safe to say that everyone who has ever been pregnant has gone through pregnancy and the postpartum period differently. Everyone processes the hormones in their own way, gains weight differently and loses weight differently. But the overall experience of pregnancy and postpartum, while different, is also strikingly similar. In today’s world we have become accustomed to celebrities bouncing right back after giving birth. It seems as though they give birth and are walking the red carpet the following week in a sleek fitting gown, glowing with smiles and laughter. Kylie Jenner is no exception. After she had her first child, Stormi, Kylie’s social media went right back to business as usual.

All of the content she put out was perfectly crafted, and she showed up in public spaces looking as if she just stepped away from a magazine shoot. There was little to no evidence outside of pictures of her child to show that she had actually had a baby. Jenner kept her entire pregnancy under wraps until the birth of her first child, while continuing to push out content that showed her in the best of light. While some women feel the Kardashians and Jenners perpetuate unrealistic body images, and the sisters have been accused of using photoshop to continue showing the world perfectly sculpted bodies clad in equally perfectly coordinated outfits, Jenner's recent confession has some moms rejoicing.

In a rare moment of transparency outside of the confessional on "Keeping Up with the Kardashians," Jenner opened up about her journey post new baby Wolf, who she welcomed with Travis Scott February 2. Jenner admitted that her recovery since having baby number two has been completely different to her first pregnancy. She said in an Instagram story, “I just want to say to my postpartum moms that postpartum has not been easy. It’s not been easy—it’s very hard.” They youngest Kardashian-Jenner sister went on to say, “This experience for me personally has been a little harder than with my daughter. It’s not easy mentally, physically, spiritually … it’s just crazy.”

Kylie Jenner opens up about postpartum recovery.

Jenner said she “didn’t want to just get back to life without saying that, because I think we can look at the internet and, you know, for other moms going through it right now, we can go on the internet and it might look a lot easier for other people and put the pressure on us." She continued: “But it hasn’t been easy for me either. It’s been hard, and I just wanted to say that.” At the time of the Instagram story, the mom of two was six weeks postpartum and sitting on gym equipment preparing to work out.

Jenner’s experience is not unique. Up to 80% of new moms experience a mood disturbance after giving birth. While some don’t have prolonged symptoms of “baby blues” or other mood disorders, some go on to have longer term effects. Jenner concluded her post by informing fans that “It’s OK not to be OK.” Experiencing mental and physical struggles after giving birth is completely normal for most women, and having an open honest conversation with your doctor is the first step in feeling better.

It's OK not to be OK.

It’s wonderful to see a young celebrity who is known for her looks and heavily curated social media come out and be honest about her struggles. Let’s hope other celebrities continue this trend so new parents everywhere can rest assured that their experience isn’t happening in a vacuum.

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