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Photo credit: Canva, @magicman1942/TikTok

Donal Schaefer's message is making so many SAHMS feel seen.

"Being a stay-at-home parent isn't a job! How hard is it to hang out with the baby all day?" Ever heard that one? Hopefully, you're hearing it less and less these days as people realize that "hanging out with the kids" is actually extremely difficult.

Stay-at-home moms work round the clock performing myriad duties, both physically and emotionally demanding, all for zero compensation. Not only does the job not pay (some studies show the value of the labor itself is worth nearly $160,000 per year), it doesn't usually come with a whole lot of respect or prestige. Even more dismaying than the lack of monetary gain is the lack of recognition these full-time moms get for what they accomplish day in and day out.

That’s where Donald Schaefer comes in. Schaefer, a man who seems to be upwards of 80 and living in Florida, is a bit of an unexpected influencer in the mom corner of social media.


 sahms, heartwarming, moms, parenthood, stay-at-home mom, motherhood, encouragement, parenting advice Stay-at-home moms trying to find a second to themselves to send an email. Giphy  

But nonetheless, his Instagram and TikTok are full of videos meant to offer financial tips, recipe ideas and emotional support specifically for this demographic. He helps stay-at-home moms work on side hustles and at-home businesses to supplement their income, you know, the one that they're not getting for all the hard work they're doing.

One video in particular is making stay-at-home moms, aka SAHMs, feel so seen.

In his “special message to stay-at-home moms,” Schaefer offers SAHMS the rare gift of being told what an “incredible job” they’re doing, saying that their “dedication, hard work and love are the cornerstones of your family’s well being.”

Watching his daughters and granddaughters with kids, Schaefer says that he’s “amazed” at what accomplished every day, and because of that, he was inspired to remind all SAHMS that “what you’re doing matters immensely.”

“Sometimes in the midst of the chaos of daily routines and endless chores it’s easy to forget how important your role is, but every meal cooked, every scraped knee kissed, every bedtime story read, it all adds up to shaping the future generation,” he said.

@magicman1942

Special message for the stay at home moms. #stayathomemom #personalgrowth #inspiration #stayathomemomstruggle #workingmom #personal

Schaefer went on to say that it’s “perfectly normal” to get overwhelmed or exhausted with all the responsibilities and isolation that come with the job. That’s what makes self care so necessary.

The isolation, in particular, can be a doozy. Many stay-at-home moms work incredibly hard to maintain a network of other parents with whom to plan play dates, lunches, and other social or kid-centric outings. Without just that little of bit of human connection, almost anyone would crumble to pieces.

“Whether it’s stealing a few moments for yourself during nap time, indulging in a hobby you love, or simply just taking a relaxing bath at the end of the day if you can find the time. Prioritize your well being,” he urged.

He then encouraged SAHMs to carve out moments to celebrate the small victories and appreciate the joys of motherhood, whether that looks like “a successful day of homeschooling” or “simply seeing your little one smile.”

Finally, Schaefer brought it all home by reiterating that even if it doesn't always feel like it, a SAHM’s value is “immeasurable.”

“Trust me. You are the heart and soul of your family and your efforts create a warm and nurturing environment where everyone can thrive. Keep shining your light and know that you are appreciated, loved and admired more than you’ll ever know. You’re doing an amazing job, and the world is a better place because of you,” he concluded.

Understandably, viewers were moved. Over a million people watched the video and hundreds chimed in with their appreciation for the message.


 sahms, heartwarming, moms, parenthood, stay-at-home mom, motherhood, encouragement, parenting advice Being a SAHM mom isn't all snuggles and kisses. But it's nice to remember to enjoy those moments when they do come.  Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash  

“Made me tear up!! What man takes the time to encourage moms? None I’ve known. Thank you,” one person wrote.

“This definitely made me cry,” another echoed. “Thank you for such kind words and taking the time to make this video. It touched my heart so much.”

One commented, “I’m not even a SAHM, and I still felt this! ALL moms can relate I think…thank you sir!”

And still, another simply wrote, “Needed this.”

Moms, and stay-at-home moms, are fierce about their community and support for one another. They're quick to lift each other up, lend a helping hand, and heap words of praise on one another. But sometimes they need encouragement from outside their little tribe.

In Schaefer, here's a guy who's been around for a long time and seen it all. In his 80-plus years of wisdom, it speaks volumes that his appreciation for the hard work and sacrifice of stay-at-home moms has only grown.

For every SAHM (or any stay-at-home parent, for that matter) may these kind words help bolster your spirit, and remind you that what you do is important indeed. You deserve that, and so much more. The good news is that the world at large is starting to realize it, too.

For more of Schaefer's content, find him on Instagram and TikTok.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

Health

Too much stuff causes stress. Here are 4 simple mantras to help you declutter for good.

These short sayings can clear the mental clutter that keeps us from getting rid of things.

MoMo Productions/Canva

We often hold onto things for sentimental reasons.

It's no secret that Americans on average have too much stuff. Yay, capitalism!

Seriously, though, most of us bring new things into our homes pretty regularly, and if we aren't purging regularly, they start to accumulate. We fill drawers, closets, bins, basements and garages with it, and then at some point realize we're swimming in stuff and need to declutter.

The problem is, as much as we may want to pare down and simplify, a lot of us are really bad at getting rid of things. Decluttering involves decision-making, and decision-making can be exhausting. There are also psychological and emotional reasons we hold onto things, and those mental hurdles are often what we need the most help overcoming.

So along with practical decluttering tips like having a garbage bag and a giveaway box with you as you go through different areas of your home, try using these four mantras to help clear the mental clutter that makes physical decluttering difficult.


1. "Stuff = stress"

There's plenty of research that shows clutter causes stress and anxiety, and it's pretty hard not to have clutter when you have too much stuff. Keeping the why of decluttering front and center can help keep you motivated as you start to purge.

Every item in your home costs you time and energy every time you encounter it. Moving the thing from one place to another, deciding where to put it, cleaning or dusting it, or even just having it take up space in your life costs you something mentally. Lots of small things add up to a large mental load, so ask yourself—Is this item worth what it's costing me?

Stuff = stress. Less stuff = less stress. Keep that simple, freeing truth top of mind as you declutter.

2. "Maybe means no"

We've all been there with something in our hand trying to decide whether to keep it.

This notebook might come in handy sometime…

Maybe I'll want to wear this dress one day…

But I might need that gadget in the future…

Nope, nope, nope. As soon as the words "might" or "maybe" come into your decision-making process, it's a sign to ditch the thing. "Maybe" or "might" means you don't need it right now, you aren't using it right now, and you don't know if you ever will.

If you keep things on the off chance that you might need them someday, you'll never get rid of anything. The reality is there are very few things that you won't be able to get in the future if you really need it. Your home is not a general store. And you are living in your home right now, not in the future.

When it comes to decluttering, maybe means no. Every time.

3. "Things aren't memories"

This is a tough one for a lot of people to swallow, but some of us hold onto way too many things for sentimental reasons because we tie them to memories. Souvenirs, playbills, concert tickets, wedding gifts, grandma's knick-knacks—so many things that make us go "Aww, remember when…" when we look at them, but here's the thing:

Things are things. Memories are memories. Things aren't memories. You can 100% still have the memories without keeping the things.

Things might trigger memories, but you can easily accomplish that by taking a photo of the thing that triggers the memory and getting rid of the thing itself. Make a "mementos" photo album for all those "but that reminds me of that happy thing" memory triggers and pass on the things themselves.

Of course, there may be some genuinely meaningful and valuable personal treasures that you truly love and want to hold onto. But most memory-associated items aren't that. They're just things. Keep the memories. Let the things go.

4. "Keep it flowing"

This is the main mantra to hold onto as you move forward. Once you've decluttered to a point where you feel light and free and good about what you have, it's time to think about how to maintain that sense of freedom. And the key to that maintenance is, "Keep it flowing."

Rather than seeing your home as a receptacle to inevitably get filled up, see it as a channel that things naturally flow in and out of. Look at it as a flowing river, not a stagnant pond. New things will always be coming into our lives, therefore old things need to go out.

The reason we end up with so much stuff is that we fail to recognize this flow. Some of us come from a deprivation mindset, so we are afraid to let things go even when new things come in. Some of us are influenced by the "more is more" mindset of consumer society, so we keep adding without subtracting to keep a balance.

In our modern world, things come and go. Keep that flow going on purpose whenever you bring something into the house, and you won't have to do another big declutter project again.

Some people are neat freaks and some people aren't. Most of us prefer a clean and tidy space, but not all of us are able to maintain one. Not only do people go through various stages of life that make keeping house trickier than other times, but some people have neurological, psychological, and emotional realities that make it harder than it is for others.

The problem is, a messy house is often a source of judgment and shame.

Licensed therapist and TikToker Kc Davis is turning that notion on its head with videos that explain how her own ADHD impacts her messiness and how she's learned "to clean as a messy person."

Davis shared a video showing her doing "a full reset" of her space while explaining the various reasons why some people don't have the executive function capabilities to "clean as they go." From ADHD to physical disabilities to having experienced abuse surrounding cleaning, some people find it impossible to keep things neat and tidy. For people who don't struggle with executive dysfunction, this video may not make sense, but for those who do, it's extremely validating.


"I don't often go into specifics about why my house is messy that day because at the end of the day it doesn't matter," she said. "It's not about me proving to some internet stranger that my house is messy for an acceptable reason. It's about getting a message of compassion and hope out there to anyone that struggles. Regardless of your level of functioning, you deserve kindness."

Her caption may be the most validating of all:

"Mess is morally neutral and shame is the enemy of functioning."

@domesticblisters

Mess is morally neutral and shame is the enemy of functioning. #strugglecare #findyourway #selfcompassion #cleantok

That video was viewed more than a million times.

In another video, which has been viewed more than 9 million times, Davis explained how she changed how she viewed cleaning.

"For the longest time, I thought what I needed was for someone to teach me how to not be messy," she said, "but every attempt at a ritual or routine that was aimed at making me not messy failed, and I thought I had failed.

"What I needed was not someone who was going to try to turn me from a messy person to a neat person, but someone to teach me how to clean as a messy person. Someone to give me the freedom to just live my day the way I wanted to live it without thinking about things and the tools to create a routine at the end of the night to reset the space to functional without feeling overwhelmed or exhausted."

As she's explaining this, she's "resetting" her kitchen space with the help of a 15-minute timer. Even just calling it "resetting" is a helpful mind-shift for people who feel overwhelmed by the idea of "cleaning."

@domesticblisters

The key to a functional home does NOT include changing who you are. #strugglecare #messy #LoveMeMode #cleantok


"The key to a functional home does NOT include changing who you are," she wrote in the caption. That permission to live as a messy person with tools to stay functional is huge, judging from the comments. While some naturally neat folks were mortified by the mess in her video, those who related to it felt seen and heard. Those are the people she's trying to reach.

Thanks, Kc Davis, for giving a voice to those with executive dysfunction and for helping everyone be more compassionate and understanding of one another.

See more of Kc Davis's videos on TikTok.

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