upworthy

harassment

Joy

6 things women put up with in the gym, and why they shouldn't have to

Harassment in the gym takes many different forms, and it's a serious problem.

John Arano/Unsplash

Finding the motivation to go to the gym isn't easy for anyone. But it can be much harder for women, for reasons that have nothing to do with actually working out.

Knowing they're likely walking into a hornet's nest of people (men) who will bother, critique, stare at, or otherwise harass and annoy them is an unfortunate reality for many female gym-goers.

woman standing surrounded by exercise equipment Photo by Danielle Cerullo on Unsplash


About 14% of women say they're intimidated by the possibility of men leering or judging them while they work out, according to research done by Cosmopolitan Body in 2014.

The problem gets even worse in the weights section, which is typically overrun with men. The survey discovered almost half of all women found the area intimidating because of "the people who use it."

Anecdotal evidence backs that up. Reddit and fitness discussion forums are rife with women asking for advice on dealing with men at the gym who gawk, flirt, interrupt, or even harass them. The common (and quite depressing) responses: develop a "resting bitch face," learn to be super rude, get better at ignoring people, or report these men to gym management.

Instead, we ought to be reminding men they don't own the gym; women shouldn't have to "put up with" rude behavior or "find a way" to not attract attention. Wouldn't it be better for everyone if women didn't have to deal with harassment at all?

So, fellow dudes and fellow gym go-ers, I implore you, think for a second about the gym harassment women have to go through.

And if you catch yourself or your friends doing any of this stuff, please cut it out.

1. Women can tell when you're staring at them, and it's not as flattering as you think.

Making a woman feel "on display" by leering when she's just trying to get a workout in is a surefire way to make her feel uncomfortable or even scared. And no, tight pants and sports bras aren't an invitation.

Think a lingering glance here and there isn't a big deal? Upworthy reader Meredith Cantrell says many of the women she knows actually drive to "gay neighborhoods" to work out so they won't be gawked at.

Totally unnecessary if guys can learn to keep our eyes to ourselves.

2. Women go to the gym to work out (like everyone else) — not speed-date between sets.

It's not that you can't meet that special someone at the gym, but there's a time and a place. Flirting with a woman at the gym when she's in the middle of lifting weights or grinding out miles on the treadmill is neither the time nor place.

Not only is it super rude to interrupt (honestly, you're not going to get a good response doing this anyway), it's also pretty dangerous to distract someone while they're, say, holding the equivalent of their own bodyweight on their back while doing squats. Yet, incredibly, it happens all the time.

A good rule of thumb: When someone's wearing headphones, it usually means they don't want to talk to anyone. Even you, handsome.

3. When women lift heavy weights, guys around them get insecure and lash out.

Reader Emma Johnson writes that one day, while working with her trainer, she hit a pretty impressive 250-kilogram leg press (over 550 pounds — go Emma!). A jealous guy standing nearby couldn't help but chime in, "Yeah, but you're doing it wrong."

Look, guys, women are strong. Sometimes they will be stronger than you. Deal with it like an adult and get back to work on your own fitness goals.

4. Unsolicited advice isn't helpful. It's insulting.

When people want help, they'll ask, or they'll hire a personal trainer. In the meantime, worry about your own "form." OK?

Laurna Robertson says she was talking to a "persistent guy" in the sauna at her gym one day when the subject of running came up. After sharing their respective half-marathon times (Laurna was faster, by the way), the man "generously" offered to coach her. What a guy!

Sophia Bromfield adds, "I have a corner in the gym to hide while I lift," but one day a dude stood next to her until she took her headphones off, then insisted on teaching her proper lunge form.

This is the gym version of mansplaining. It's annoying and insulting. Don't do it.

5. Some guys just don't know when to go away. Others are straight-up bullies.

Being "overly friendly" with questionable motivations is one thing, but some women find men at the gym can be downright nasty, purposefully intimidating them or boxing them out so they'll leave.

The gym is a shared space. Other people pay money to go there, just like you. If you don't want to be around other humans, buy a home gym.

Also, beware of unconscious behaviors like "manspreading," taking up more room than you need, or stealing someone's weights before they're done with them.

6. These behaviors aren't just annoying. They can be extremely intimidating.

At a certain point, these behaviors cross the line from rude and inappropriate to downright scary.

Ashley Loshbough writes that a man once came up to her (asking her to remove her headphones, which, just ugh) and said, "Wow, I wish I had beautiful [pale] skin like yours," stared for a moment, then walked off.

It might sound funny and harmless, but this is the kind of thing that has women looking over their shoulder in the parking lot and wondering if they should ever come back to that gym again.

A little empathy goes a long way, fellas.

Do you want someone gawking at your butt while you're on the treadmill? Interrupting you while you're holding heavy weights? Impatiently waiting inches away from you until you finish up on a machine?

Let's work together to keep this crap out of the gym and make it an environment where we support others to reach whatever their health and fitness goals are.

Even if that means just leaving each other alone.


This article originally appeared on 4.6.17

From Your Site Articles
Culture

Contrary to news headlines, bystanders actually do step in to help folks most of the time

Photo by Adelin Preda on Unsplash

A multinational study found that bystanders intervene in 9 out of 10 public conflicts.

The recent news report of a woman on a Philadelphia train being raped while onlookers did nothing to stop it was shocking and horrible, without question. It also got people discussing the infamous "bystander effect," which has led people to believe—somewhat erroneously, as it turns out—that people aren't likely to intervene when they see someone being attacked in public. Stories like this uninterrupted train assault combined with a belief that bystanders rarely step in can easily lead people to feel like everything and everyone is horrible.

But according to the most recent research on the subject, the Philadelphia incident appears to be the exception, not the rule. A 2019 multinational study found that at least one bystander (but usually more) will actually intervene in 9 out of 10 public conflicts.

The idea that people in groups aren't likely to intervene stems largely from research on the 1964 story of Kitty Genovese, a 28-year-old woman who was stabbed to death outside her apartment in New York, while dozens of onlookers in surrounding apartment buildings allegedly did nothing. However, further research has called the number of witnesses into question, and it appears that several did, in fact, call the police. Someone reportedly shouted out their window and scared the attacker away for a few minutes, and someone did rush to Genovese's aid after the second attack.

The bystander effect is real in the sense that people are less likely to intervene if there are other people around than if they are the lone bystander. But that doesn't mean that more people equals less intervention. The 2019 study by psychologist Richard Philpot and his four co-authors found the opposite, in fact—the more people who witnessed a conflict, the greater the likelihood that someone would step in. The study, which included observations of video footage from real-life public conflicts in the Netherlands, South Africa and the United Kingdom, found that one or more witnesses made a prosocial intervention in 90.7% of public conflicts, with an average of 3.8 witnesses intervening each time.

"We record similar likelihoods of intervention across the 3 national contexts, which differ greatly in levels of perceived public safety," wrote the authors. "Taken together these findings allay the widespread fear that bystanders rarely intervene to help. We argue that it is time for psychology to change the narrative away from an absence of help and toward a new understanding of what makes intervention successful or unsuccessful."

We all like to think we'd intervene if we saw someone being harmed in public, but it's easier to imagine acts of heroism than to actually do them. When witnessing a conflict or attack as a group, people often think someone else is more suited to stepping in or assume that someone else will do it. In some circumstances, someone might determine that intervening is too risky, especially if weapons are involved. Add in the real-time nature of an unexpected event where a person might be shocked or confused about what's happening, and it's not surprising that many people end up not intervening.

The Philadelphia train rape story is horrific, and the police in the case are right—someone (or several someones) on that train should have done something to stop it. But that case is not the norm. It's far more likely that someone will help you if you are being harmed and people are witnessing it.

Everything and everyone is not horrible, truly. There are exceptions to every rule, of course, but we shouldn't let the heinousness of a single story or two lead us to believe the worst about humanity. Most of the time, someone will do the right thing. Most of the time, in a public conflict or attack, someone will intervene. And perhaps with better education about how to successfully stop someone from being harmed, we could make the odds even greater than 9 out of 10.

From Your Site Articles
Related Articles Around the Web
culture
Culture

A Black family in Virginia is being subjected to a bizarre, racist assault every time they step outside

@chris_notcapn/Twitter

In today's episode of "WTF, America?", we head to Virginia Beach, where a Black family of Navy veterans is battling a racist, wackadoodle neighbor who is terrorizing them with lights and racist recordings every time they enter or leave their own home.

Jannique Martinez told NBC affiliate WAVY that the neighbor has been harassing her family and others in the neighborhood for more than a year.

"Whenever we would step out of our house, the monkey noises would start. It's so racist, and it's disgusting. I don't even know how else to explain it," Martinez said.

Martinez told WAVY that the neighbor is retaliating for her complaining about him playing his music so loud it shook her house. But Martinez's family is not the only one to have audio blasted and lights flashing when they leave their home. According to Martinez, the neighbor has eight security cameras on his property aimed at his neighbors and different songs he blasts at each one. She said the racist audio directed at her family gets triggered even when her children are playing outside.

"My son is terrified of him. Terrified, terrified," Martinez said. "The N-word situation … they came to me and said, 'Mom, what's that?' I didn't subject my kids to that. I didn't think they would ever have to learn what this means."

The police issued a statement saying that while the neighbor's behaviors are "appalling and offensive," they aren't criminal, according to the city attorney and Virginia magistrates.

"This means the VBPD has had no authority to invervene and warrants were not supported," the police department wrote. "We will closely monitor the situation, investigate complaints and, within the limits of the law, help this family with this most unpleasant situation."

People are calling b.s. on the city's "we can't do anything" response. Virginia Beach has a noise ordinance that this situation should surely fall under. And how such behavior doesn't qualify as harassment or a hate crime is a head-scratcher.

Martinez said she has tried talking to the magistrate, going through the civil court and consulting a lawyer, but has come up empty-handed.

"According to the law, it's just a statement or a phrase or he's not doing enough or bodily harm or threats to my family," said Martinez. "Why does it have to go that far before something that can be done? People shouldn't have to live like this. I spent 11 years in the military. My husband is also in the military. We fought for this country, but yet there's no one to fight for us."

Martinez's experience echoes those of countless people who have been stalked or harassed by someone who manages to skirt the edge of criminality. It's frightening to constantly wonder if or when someone's behavior will escalate from creepy and disturbing to physically harmful, and frustrating that the psychological harm of such behavior isn't considered enough for the law to intervene.

The story is being shared widely on social media and people are ready to throw down for the Martinez family. Neighbors did rally together to protest the neighbor's gross behavior on September 24. Martinez told the Virginian-Pilot that her 7-year-old showed courage at the rally. He even made his own sign like the ones his mom and other community members held—one that read "Spread Love, Not Hate."

Yes, little man. Don't let the racists win. This kind of garbage has no place in civil society and if the law doesn't provide protection from targeted harassment at someone's own home, then something in the law needs to change.

From Your Site Articles
Related Articles Around the Web
racial justice
Popular

A director asked to see Jennifer Lopez's breasts. Her response says a lot about standing up for yourself.

Instagram / JLo

The Me Too movement has shed light on just how many actresses have been placed in positions that make them feel uncomfortable. Abuse of power has been all too commonplace. Some actresses have been coerced into doing something that made them uncomfortable because they felt they couldn't say no to the director. And it's not always as flagrant as Louis C.K. masturbating in front of an up-and-coming comedian, or Harvey Weinstein forcing himself on actresses in hotel rooms.

But it's important to remember that you can always firmly put your foot down and say no. While speaking at The Hollywood Reporter's annual Actress Roundtable, Jennifer Lopez opened up about her experiences with a director who behaved inappropriately. Laura Dern, Awkwafina, Scarlett Johansson, Lupita Nyong'o, and Renee Zellweger were also at the roundtable.

Lopez was supposed to do nudity in a film, and the director asked see Lopez's breasts during a fitting. Lopez did not name the director or the film, but she did describe what happened.

RELATED: The comedian who called out Harvey Weinstein is now getting the support she should have gotten from the venue

"He wanted to see my boobs," Lopez said at the roundtable. "And I said no, I stood up for myself. But it was so funny because I remember being so panicked in the moment. And by the way, there was a costume designer in the room with me. So there was another woman in the room and he says this and I said no. Luckily a little bit of the Bronx came out, and I was like, 'I don't have to show you my — No. On the set, you see them.'"

Lopez made a point about why it's important to stand up for yourself when you're placed in uncomfortable situations. "That's the thing, because if you give in, in that moment, all of a sudden that person is off and running, thinking they can do whatever they want. And because I put up a little boundary right there and said no, he laid off and then later on apologized. But the minute he walked out of the room the costume designer was like, 'I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry that just happened,'" she continued.

Sometimes, demonstrating that you're willing to stand up for yourself is enough to stop you from getting pushed around.

Since the Me Too movement gained momentum just two years ago, more and more women are comfortable speaking up for themselves – and others. "The difference now, though, is that because of the conversations that are happening in public, it's easier to tell when something is inappropriate," Nyong'o pointed out at the roundtable.

RELATED: Emma Watson launches hotline that provides women legal advice on workplace sexual harassment

Nyong'o noted that situation might have gone differently if the fitting had happened today. "Because in that moment, if the costume designer had said something, it could've changed. If she had supported you in some way, had spoken up, it would have changed the dynamic. So now we are programming the younger generation to know what's OK and what's not. To know that it's not OK to be in a costume fitting and for a man to ask that of you. Even though those things might happen, our defense would be sharper in those moments," Nyong'o continued.

Luckily, the culture is shifting and women are less likely to be placed in situations where we have to act tough and risk being labeled as a "bitch" just because we don't want to be harassed at work. But when you're placed in a situation that you want to stop, it's important to remember that you can always speak up and say no.

From Your Site Articles
Related Articles Around the Web
Trending Stories