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A comedian sparked a fierce debate when she exploded with rage at a male heckler

After the guy got kicked out, Natalie Cuomo read his texts to his friend live on stage.

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I once had tickets to see the late, great Mitch Hedberg at a comedy club in Baltimore. I was unimaginably excited about seeing my hero live. A few days before the show, Mitch sadly passed away. The venue got another comic to fill in and my friends and I went anyway, not really knowing what else to do. The new comic was... a lot different from Mitch. We unwisely sat in the very front and that led to me getting brutally roasted for a good portion of the show.

I understood even then that that's how comedy works sometimes, but I admit, it did feel a little mean-spirited at times, and I can't say it was the greatest experience. Comedians, especially in smaller clubs, are known to dish out some good-natured abuse. Sometimes the abuse isn't so good natured. But one of the big questions when it comes to "crowd work" is — if they dish it out, they should be able to take it, right? A viral encounter between a comedian and a heckler is raising questions about proper etiquette at a comedy show — both from the performer and people in the crowd.


Giphy

Comedian Natalie Cuomo was doing crowd work during her set at the DC Comedy Loft when she began interacting with a guy who wasn't willing to play along. Heckling is part of the life of a comedian, especially when they start ribbing the audience. After all, the spectators are real live people -- you never can be sure how they'll react or what they might say back!

But this guy seemed to get genuinely offended at a little jab, and Cuomo called him out on being a little overly sensitive.

"It's not my fault you don't have material," the man shot back. "I can roast you, too. You can't just roast all of us and get nothing." Shortly after, he offered, or maybe threatened, to take the mic from her.

And that's when, in the clip posted by Cuomo to her TikTok page, she went off:

"It's such a hard time in this world right now. There's so many people that came together to be supportive and fucking amazing, and you're putting..." She then knealt down to the guy's eye level. "Look me in the eyes!" she screamed at him. "you're putting negative freaking energy out here! ... You wanna say mean shit to me? OK, so don't fucking do that."

Not long after that interaction, the guy was removed by security, and Cuomo's set continued on.


@nataliecuomo

Right after I said how grateful I was for everyone being there and selling out the show, this little man in the front row decided to let his true colors shine ✨ Always stand up for yourself!! And if you’re going to be rude, at least have the decency to LOOK ME IN THE EYES 👀 ❤️


Generally, comedians are expected to keep their cool and win these battles with wit and not rage. But not always.

Female comics have to put up with an awful lot just to get on stage. There's the being expected to work for free or less pay than male peers, being harassed by other comics and audience members, and being cat-called by people in the crowd. They're judged by their looks in bizarre ways. They have to be pretty but not too pretty so as not to be funny. Guys like the heckler in question sometimes go out of their way to give women comics a rough time.

Maybe Natalie Cuomo had just had enough that night and didn't have the energy to hide her anger with whip-smart jokes — who knows?

"i worked in comedy clubs for two years and saw so many female comics in this position who felt like they had to be funny and not angry. endorse this," one commenter wrote. Others applauded Cuomo's "female rage" and the way she stood up for herself. The live audience was also on her side, chanting her name after the awkward encounter.

But some folks weren't so thrilled with Cuomo's response. "She literally chucked a tantrum on stage," one user wrote under the video.

"a [comedian's] one job is to be funny, so crashing out at your own show over a bad interaction really rubs me the wrong way," said another.

It begs the question: Was the guy's heckling fair game for a comedy show, or was he really out of line? There might be a clue in the conclusion to Cuomo's video: After the heckler was tossed out of the venue, Cuomo noticed that the man's friend was sending texts... so she grabbed his phone.

"Lol, what a fucking clown, I did warn you I would get kicked out," the heckler's had told his friend in a text — which Cuomo kindly shared with the live audience. "Man, she is sensitive, especially for a comedian." Then she texted him back a selfie of her holding up the middle finger.

Sounds like maybe he came prepared to raise a stink with whatever comic was on stage. Whether Cuomo handled the situation perfectly or not, I think we can all agree that's in pretty poor taste.

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Video of a man ignoring cues that a woman is uncomfortable is a masterclass in what not to do

TikTok News/YouTube

A customer totally ignored this young woman's signals that she wasn't interested.

Ask a random woman if a man has ever made her question her safety just by talking to her, and chances are you're going to hear an immediate yes. Not all interactions with strangers lead to discomfort, of course, and sometimes it just comes down to basic gut instinct. There are also varying levels of discomfort when men talk to you as a woman, from "Oof, this is awkward" to "I feel creeped out right now" to "I wonder if this guy is a serial killer."

When a man starts talking to us in a way that makes us uncomfortable, we generally make it known in some way. Most of us won't come out and say, "Back off, dude," unless the behavior becomes super egregious, because 1) it may not be in our personality to be blunt, 2) we expect that the guy will take the hint eventually or 3) we sense that confronting the man would make us even more unsafe than we already feel.

More often than not, we make our discomfort clear in our body language and the way we respond to questions. Long story short, if we don't show we're interested, we're not interested.

A viral video from TikTok News shows an interaction between a 19-year-old woman selling stickers at a retail shop and a man who kept asking her questions about herself. It's a masterclass in what not to do as a guy and a perfect example of what signs to look for to determine that a woman isn't picking up what you're laying down.

Watch the interaction:

So first of all, after the first few questions about her age and where she goes to school, the guy should have gotten the clue that she was not interested in conversing with him further. Her answers were short and to the point. She didn't offer any additional details, nor did she reciprocate with questions about him. If a woman is interested after you strike up a conversation, she will not answer your questions this way.

She didn't add what she's studying or whether she likes school. She didn't ask, "How old are you? Do you go to school?" She shows no interest whatsoever in keeping the conversation going.

Second of all, her body language is a clear indicator. She's not smiling warmly. She's not leaning casually over the counter toward him. She doesn't go over to him when he asks for help. She stands still, fidgets sometimes and only moves when she needs to in order to do her job.

This is the body language of a woman who is uncomfortable. Not "just shy." Not "playing hard to get." Uninterested and uncomfortable, clearly.

Why wouldn't she just refuse to answer his questions, or be direct and tell him to leave her alone? For one, she's working. He's her customer. There's a certain level of courtesy and friendliness that is customary and expected from an employee working with the public. And it's not always easy to gauge exactly when it crosses the line into inappropriate-enough-to-say-something. While this guy's behavior got creepier and creepier as he ignored her cues that she wasn't interested, nothing he said was clearly problematic.

That's part of what is so frustrating about interactions like this. It's not like the guy is being gross or saying anything over the top. It's the relentlessness that's the issue. Question after question about her life. Some might say he was trying to be friendly or "just making conversation." No, he wasn't. Conversation is a two-way street. It's not a man peppering a woman with personal questions continually as she gives one-word answers and clearly doesn't want to keep talking.

Is it possible that he just isn't good at reading social cues? Sure. Is it possible that he thought he was flirting and that she would feel flattered by it? Sure. Is she still uncomfortable? Yes. Is his refusal to give up still creepy and inappropriate? Yes.

I'd venture a guess that nearly every woman out there has been in this young woman's shoes, unsure of whether our safety is at risk. It's easy to say, "Oh, come on. He was just talking." But this is a man who doesn't seem to respect boundaries in conversation—why would she expect him to respect boundaries in any other way?

Women constantly have to calculate whether men who make us uncomfortable are just awkward or if they are a threat, and it sucks. Just as we have to look for signs of potential danger, we certainly should be able to expect men to look for signs that we're not interested.

And if the man actually did notice her signals and purposely ignored them, then she was right to be wary. Being friendly is one thing. This is entirely another.

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Contrary to news headlines, bystanders actually do step in to help folks most of the time

Photo by Adelin Preda on Unsplash

A multinational study found that bystanders intervene in 9 out of 10 public conflicts.

The recent news report of a woman on a Philadelphia train being raped while onlookers did nothing to stop it was shocking and horrible, without question. It also got people discussing the infamous "bystander effect," which has led people to believe—somewhat erroneously, as it turns out—that people aren't likely to intervene when they see someone being attacked in public. Stories like this uninterrupted train assault combined with a belief that bystanders rarely step in can easily lead people to feel like everything and everyone is horrible.

But according to the most recent research on the subject, the Philadelphia incident appears to be the exception, not the rule. A 2019 multinational study found that at least one bystander (but usually more) will actually intervene in 9 out of 10 public conflicts.

The idea that people in groups aren't likely to intervene stems largely from research on the 1964 story of Kitty Genovese, a 28-year-old woman who was stabbed to death outside her apartment in New York, while dozens of onlookers in surrounding apartment buildings allegedly did nothing. However, further research has called the number of witnesses into question, and it appears that several did, in fact, call the police. Someone reportedly shouted out their window and scared the attacker away for a few minutes, and someone did rush to Genovese's aid after the second attack.

The bystander effect is real in the sense that people are less likely to intervene if there are other people around than if they are the lone bystander. But that doesn't mean that more people equals less intervention. The 2019 study by psychologist Richard Philpot and his four co-authors found the opposite, in fact—the more people who witnessed a conflict, the greater the likelihood that someone would step in. The study, which included observations of video footage from real-life public conflicts in the Netherlands, South Africa and the United Kingdom, found that one or more witnesses made a prosocial intervention in 90.7% of public conflicts, with an average of 3.8 witnesses intervening each time.

"We record similar likelihoods of intervention across the 3 national contexts, which differ greatly in levels of perceived public safety," wrote the authors. "Taken together these findings allay the widespread fear that bystanders rarely intervene to help. We argue that it is time for psychology to change the narrative away from an absence of help and toward a new understanding of what makes intervention successful or unsuccessful."

We all like to think we'd intervene if we saw someone being harmed in public, but it's easier to imagine acts of heroism than to actually do them. When witnessing a conflict or attack as a group, people often think someone else is more suited to stepping in or assume that someone else will do it. In some circumstances, someone might determine that intervening is too risky, especially if weapons are involved. Add in the real-time nature of an unexpected event where a person might be shocked or confused about what's happening, and it's not surprising that many people end up not intervening.

The Philadelphia train rape story is horrific, and the police in the case are right—someone (or several someones) on that train should have done something to stop it. But that case is not the norm. It's far more likely that someone will help you if you are being harmed and people are witnessing it.

Everything and everyone is not horrible, truly. There are exceptions to every rule, of course, but we shouldn't let the heinousness of a single story or two lead us to believe the worst about humanity. Most of the time, someone will do the right thing. Most of the time, in a public conflict or attack, someone will intervene. And perhaps with better education about how to successfully stop someone from being harmed, we could make the odds even greater than 9 out of 10.

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A Black family in Virginia is being subjected to a bizarre, racist assault every time they step outside

@chris_notcapn/Twitter

In today's episode of "WTF, America?", we head to Virginia Beach, where a Black family of Navy veterans is battling a racist, wackadoodle neighbor who is terrorizing them with lights and racist recordings every time they enter or leave their own home.

Jannique Martinez told NBC affiliate WAVY that the neighbor has been harassing her family and others in the neighborhood for more than a year.

"Whenever we would step out of our house, the monkey noises would start. It's so racist, and it's disgusting. I don't even know how else to explain it," Martinez said.

Martinez told WAVY that the neighbor is retaliating for her complaining about him playing his music so loud it shook her house. But Martinez's family is not the only one to have audio blasted and lights flashing when they leave their home. According to Martinez, the neighbor has eight security cameras on his property aimed at his neighbors and different songs he blasts at each one. She said the racist audio directed at her family gets triggered even when her children are playing outside.

"My son is terrified of him. Terrified, terrified," Martinez said. "The N-word situation … they came to me and said, 'Mom, what's that?' I didn't subject my kids to that. I didn't think they would ever have to learn what this means."

The police issued a statement saying that while the neighbor's behaviors are "appalling and offensive," they aren't criminal, according to the city attorney and Virginia magistrates.

"This means the VBPD has had no authority to invervene and warrants were not supported," the police department wrote. "We will closely monitor the situation, investigate complaints and, within the limits of the law, help this family with this most unpleasant situation."

People are calling b.s. on the city's "we can't do anything" response. Virginia Beach has a noise ordinance that this situation should surely fall under. And how such behavior doesn't qualify as harassment or a hate crime is a head-scratcher.

Martinez said she has tried talking to the magistrate, going through the civil court and consulting a lawyer, but has come up empty-handed.

"According to the law, it's just a statement or a phrase or he's not doing enough or bodily harm or threats to my family," said Martinez. "Why does it have to go that far before something that can be done? People shouldn't have to live like this. I spent 11 years in the military. My husband is also in the military. We fought for this country, but yet there's no one to fight for us."

Martinez's experience echoes those of countless people who have been stalked or harassed by someone who manages to skirt the edge of criminality. It's frightening to constantly wonder if or when someone's behavior will escalate from creepy and disturbing to physically harmful, and frustrating that the psychological harm of such behavior isn't considered enough for the law to intervene.

The story is being shared widely on social media and people are ready to throw down for the Martinez family. Neighbors did rally together to protest the neighbor's gross behavior on September 24. Martinez told the Virginian-Pilot that her 7-year-old showed courage at the rally. He even made his own sign like the ones his mom and other community members held—one that read "Spread Love, Not Hate."

Yes, little man. Don't let the racists win. This kind of garbage has no place in civil society and if the law doesn't provide protection from targeted harassment at someone's own home, then something in the law needs to change.

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