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Viral thread nails why questioning a victim's actions after harassment does so much harm.

Why are we still asking "why didn't she say anything?"

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Certain questions don't need to be asked.

"Why didn't she say anything sooner?"

It's the question that frustrates sexual assault prevention advocates and discredits the victims who bravely come forward after they've been targeted.

Stars Angelina Jolie and Gwyneth Paltrow — who both disclosed to The New York Times they'd been sexually harassed by movie mogul Harvey Weinstein — were among the many women forced to trudge through a predictable wave of victim-blaming following their disclosures.

Paltrow and Jolie's descriptions of abuse followed an explosive report in the Times on Oct. 5, 2017, that chronicled decades of alleged sexual harassment at the hands of Weinstein — a man with seemingly boundless sway and power in the filmmaking world.

Sadly, Paltrow and Jolie were met with various forms of the question. "Why didn't the women of Hollywood stop him?" sprouted up immediately in corners of the internet.

One viral comment on the Times article, however, nailed why questioning a victim's actions after surviving sexual harassment or assault does so much harm.

"It is disheartening to see so many comments already blaming women for not 'speaking up,'" the reader, identified as "K" from Brooklyn, began.

"Please count yourself lucky that you've never had your career on the line based on whether or not you sleep with your boss," they continued. "It has nothing to do with fame and riches; this happens to women making minimum wage in retail as well as women who fought through it to become CEOs."

"K" continued, giving context as to why it's often very difficult and complicated for survivors to speak up after being abused (emphasis added):

"The psychology behind this kind of thing is not that complex, so please spare a moment to consider: Not only are these women made to feel humiliated and embarrassed, but in some cases if they had come forward, they not only would never work again, they also would be seen as whiners and 'too sensitive.' Both Jolie and Paltrow fended him off. Imagine if they made a big stink about it. They would have been ripped apart in the media! 'Oh for goodness' sake, a dirty old man came on to you. You rejected him and moved on, why the fuss?' But, of course, now we must insist on blaming them for 'perpetuating' Weinstein's behavior. Please."

As "K" described, victims often stay silent because they're vulnerable to the power abusers have over the situation; victims could lose their job or see their credibility attacked, for instance. These kinds of power dynamics — whether it be in Hollywood or not — play a big role in why victims stay silent.

For victims of sexual harassment, the threat to their livelihood does not end after a single encounter with an abuser. If a young, less accomplished Paltrow had spoken out against a figure like Weinstein, would he have irreversibly tarnished her reputation? Would he have planted unforgiving stories about her in the media? Would she have ever worked again? These are the sorts of threats victims weigh before speaking out. A predator's hold on a victim's career or reputation creates a culture of silence.

The commenter also used Brad Pitt's involvement in the story to note a sexist double standard in how we see victims of sexual assault.

If we're blaming Paltrow and Jolie for not speaking up sooner, why aren't we blaming Brad Pitt as well?

Pitt, who'd been romantically involved with both Paltrow and Jolie at different points in his career, reportedly knew about Weinstein's predatory behavior, according to The Daily Beast, yet he worked with Weinstein on two films following the disturbing encounters. The fact that he's largely been left out of the discussion says a lot about how we view victims of sexual assault, particularly when they're women.

"K" went on to say that the attitudes of blaming women for their own persecution are astounding: "Note that the comments have not centered around Brad Pitt's not saying anything, though he knew about it with not one but TWO romantic partners...It is not the women's job to monitor men's behavior."

The assertions made by "K," whose comment drew over 3,000 likes and a long thread of supportive replies, aren't just steeped in opinion; advocates argue sexual harassment is rarely just about sex — asserting power plays an instrumental role.

"Most frequently, survivors of sexual harassment, exploitation and violence delay making an official report of what has happened out of fear of how others will respond," Kristen Houser, chief public affairs officer at the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, explained to HuffPost in March 2017. "From retaliation by the perpetrator to gossip, dismissive responses and outright victim blaming by colleagues, friends and family."

We need to stop asking "Why didn't she say anything?" and instead wonder "Why aren't we doing more to support survivors?"

This article originally appeared on 10.12.17

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A Black family in Virginia is being subjected to a bizarre, racist assault every time they step outside

@chris_notcapn/Twitter

In today's episode of "WTF, America?", we head to Virginia Beach, where a Black family of Navy veterans is battling a racist, wackadoodle neighbor who is terrorizing them with lights and racist recordings every time they enter or leave their own home.

Jannique Martinez told NBC affiliate WAVY that the neighbor has been harassing her family and others in the neighborhood for more than a year.

"Whenever we would step out of our house, the monkey noises would start. It's so racist, and it's disgusting. I don't even know how else to explain it," Martinez said.

Martinez told WAVY that the neighbor is retaliating for her complaining about him playing his music so loud it shook her house. But Martinez's family is not the only one to have audio blasted and lights flashing when they leave their home. According to Martinez, the neighbor has eight security cameras on his property aimed at his neighbors and different songs he blasts at each one. She said the racist audio directed at her family gets triggered even when her children are playing outside.

"My son is terrified of him. Terrified, terrified," Martinez said. "The N-word situation … they came to me and said, 'Mom, what's that?' I didn't subject my kids to that. I didn't think they would ever have to learn what this means."

The police issued a statement saying that while the neighbor's behaviors are "appalling and offensive," they aren't criminal, according to the city attorney and Virginia magistrates.

"This means the VBPD has had no authority to invervene and warrants were not supported," the police department wrote. "We will closely monitor the situation, investigate complaints and, within the limits of the law, help this family with this most unpleasant situation."

People are calling b.s. on the city's "we can't do anything" response. Virginia Beach has a noise ordinance that this situation should surely fall under. And how such behavior doesn't qualify as harassment or a hate crime is a head-scratcher.

Martinez said she has tried talking to the magistrate, going through the civil court and consulting a lawyer, but has come up empty-handed.

"According to the law, it's just a statement or a phrase or he's not doing enough or bodily harm or threats to my family," said Martinez. "Why does it have to go that far before something that can be done? People shouldn't have to live like this. I spent 11 years in the military. My husband is also in the military. We fought for this country, but yet there's no one to fight for us."

Martinez's experience echoes those of countless people who have been stalked or harassed by someone who manages to skirt the edge of criminality. It's frightening to constantly wonder if or when someone's behavior will escalate from creepy and disturbing to physically harmful, and frustrating that the psychological harm of such behavior isn't considered enough for the law to intervene.

The story is being shared widely on social media and people are ready to throw down for the Martinez family. Neighbors did rally together to protest the neighbor's gross behavior on September 24. Martinez told the Virginian-Pilot that her 7-year-old showed courage at the rally. He even made his own sign like the ones his mom and other community members held—one that read "Spread Love, Not Hate."

Yes, little man. Don't let the racists win. This kind of garbage has no place in civil society and if the law doesn't provide protection from targeted harassment at someone's own home, then something in the law needs to change.

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A director asked to see Jennifer Lopez's breasts. Her response says a lot about standing up for yourself.

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The Me Too movement has shed light on just how many actresses have been placed in positions that make them feel uncomfortable. Abuse of power has been all too commonplace. Some actresses have been coerced into doing something that made them uncomfortable because they felt they couldn't say no to the director. And it's not always as flagrant as Louis C.K. masturbating in front of an up-and-coming comedian, or Harvey Weinstein forcing himself on actresses in hotel rooms.

But it's important to remember that you can always firmly put your foot down and say no. While speaking at The Hollywood Reporter's annual Actress Roundtable, Jennifer Lopez opened up about her experiences with a director who behaved inappropriately. Laura Dern, Awkwafina, Scarlett Johansson, Lupita Nyong'o, and Renee Zellweger were also at the roundtable.

Lopez was supposed to do nudity in a film, and the director asked see Lopez's breasts during a fitting. Lopez did not name the director or the film, but she did describe what happened.

RELATED: The comedian who called out Harvey Weinstein is now getting the support she should have gotten from the venue

"He wanted to see my boobs," Lopez said at the roundtable. "And I said no, I stood up for myself. But it was so funny because I remember being so panicked in the moment. And by the way, there was a costume designer in the room with me. So there was another woman in the room and he says this and I said no. Luckily a little bit of the Bronx came out, and I was like, 'I don't have to show you my — No. On the set, you see them.'"

Lopez made a point about why it's important to stand up for yourself when you're placed in uncomfortable situations. "That's the thing, because if you give in, in that moment, all of a sudden that person is off and running, thinking they can do whatever they want. And because I put up a little boundary right there and said no, he laid off and then later on apologized. But the minute he walked out of the room the costume designer was like, 'I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry that just happened,'" she continued.

Sometimes, demonstrating that you're willing to stand up for yourself is enough to stop you from getting pushed around.

Since the Me Too movement gained momentum just two years ago, more and more women are comfortable speaking up for themselves – and others. "The difference now, though, is that because of the conversations that are happening in public, it's easier to tell when something is inappropriate," Nyong'o pointed out at the roundtable.

RELATED: Emma Watson launches hotline that provides women legal advice on workplace sexual harassment

Nyong'o noted that situation might have gone differently if the fitting had happened today. "Because in that moment, if the costume designer had said something, it could've changed. If she had supported you in some way, had spoken up, it would have changed the dynamic. So now we are programming the younger generation to know what's OK and what's not. To know that it's not OK to be in a costume fitting and for a man to ask that of you. Even though those things might happen, our defense would be sharper in those moments," Nyong'o continued.

Luckily, the culture is shifting and women are less likely to be placed in situations where we have to act tough and risk being labeled as a "bitch" just because we don't want to be harassed at work. But when you're placed in a situation that you want to stop, it's important to remember that you can always speak up and say no.

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'Can you ask someone out at work?' What is — and isn't — sexual harassment at the office.

Avoiding sexual harassment in the workplace isn't hard. Please allow Donald Glover to explain.

Rashida Jones has directed a new animated video with voiceover from Donald Glover that breaks things down nicely. The video is the latest effort from Time's Up, an organization that was launched in early 2018 to help provide legal resources for women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted.

"Is the culture shifting under your feet so fast, maybe you can't make sense of it?" Glover asks.

What might be most surprising is how straightforward answers to the four questions are. In fact, they might seem deceptively simple, but there's nothing deceptive about it:

  1. Is it OK to greet a co-worker with a "deep, full-body hug" or a kiss on the mouth?No.
  2. Is it OK to think a co-worker looks sexy in their pants?Yes. "Sure, think away," Glover says. "But is it OK to tell that person you think they look sexy? Umm … no."
  3. Can you ask someone out at work?Maybe. Glover lists a number of power dynamic factors — Are you their boss? Are they potentially just being nice? etc. — before concluding, "If the answer to any of these questions is 'yes,' just don't do it."
  4. Do you need to report harassment when you see it or hear about it? Yes.

There's plenty of nuance when it comes to workplace behavior, and it can feel like things are getting more complicated all the time. Thankfully, this video reminds us that it's really not complicated at all.

Photos by Jean-Baptiste Lacroix/Getty Images and Kevin Winter/Getty Images.​

Navigating sexual misconduct in the workplace can seem difficult. It doesn't have to be.

It would be easy for Jones and Glover to lecture. Instead, they address the confusion and anxiety even those in positions of power are feeling as the clock runs out on a culture that permitted harassment and assault.

"The world is changing under your feet," Glover says, "ultimately for the better."

Basic respect, professionalism, and compassion for others are still the bedrock principles. And if that's too ambiguous, these four questions help keep it simple.

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