+
Most Shared

Advice for talking to women wearing headphones ignores why women wear headphones.

An article struck a nerve with some, sparking an important conversation.

There's an article making the rounds on social media called, "How to Talk to a Woman Who is Wearing Headphones."

It's written by self-described dating and relationship expert Dan Bacon, and it's equal parts funny, sad, and scary. The truth is that if a woman is wearing headphones, she probably (OK, pretty much definitely) doesn't want to be interrupted for a chat with a stranger.

Leaving someone wearing headphones alone is just one of those unwritten rules of polite society. Headphones are basically a universal sign meaning "Leave me the eff alone."


Twitter users came out in force to respond, letting the author know exactly what they thought of his advice:

Now, reader, if you're wondering to yourself: "Sure, but if I can't (or shouldn't) try to strike up conversation with strangers, how am I supposed to meet new people? What about the future of courtship?" it's worth examining where that concern comes from.

Lindsey M., a board member at Stop Street Harassment, offered some helpful answers to common questions about why this type of interaction isn't welcome.

"This concern presumes, as a default, that it is acceptable to gamble a woman's discomfort or sense of safety against the odds that there's a shot of success," Lindsey wrote in a Twitter direct message. "That willingness to gamble is male privilege: It centers the desire to pick up a woman over the possibility that she wants to be left alone."

Photo by iStock.

Why don't disinterested women just politely say no? For one, in trying to ignore you, she already has said no. Additionally, it's not nearly that simple, as saying "no" has been known to lead to even more aggressive harassment and even physical violence.

"There are plenty of consensual ways to meet and connect with women, and intentionally choosing cold approaches of women whose only act of participation was walking in your line of sight is the ultimate expression of male entitlement," Lindsey added.

Studies have shown that street harassment has a very real, very negative effect on various aspects of its victims' lives.

"The threat of harassment leads women to adjust their schedule, how and when they commute, where they choose to live, what they wear, what social or work functions they attend, how or where they work out, etc.," Lindsey wrote.

It's also important to remember that it's not any single interaction that leads to this feeling, but rather the fact that women are bombarded with unwanted male attention from an early age. It all adds up over time.

GIF from "Watchmen."

There's also the scourge of "pick-up culture," which spawns many of these "how-to" guides to dating that encourage men to use tactics of emotional manipulation and physical intimidation to trick women into engaging with them.

"Street harassment and 'pick up culture' perpetuate the objectification and gamification of women, which carries its own set of costs on women and girls' mental health, self esteem, and social standing," Lindsey explained.

Approaching strangers wearing headphones is different from most other public interactions because, for many, avoiding social interaction is exactly why the headphones are there in the first place.

Martha Mills breaks it down at The Guardian:

"The very reason I and many other women wear headphones isn’t as a trivial obstacle to some throbbing hormone mountain, nor as a challenge for those blessed with an abundance of ego. It’s a defence. ... We fill our ear holes to stop you from getting in."

Earbuds in? Stay away. Photo by iStock.

True story. She continues:

"If you’re in a bar or party, her flirtatious smile may be the come-on you’re looking for, but be prepared to accept that you read it wrong, politely wish her a good evening and toddle back off. ... If you’re looking for a horde of single, eligible women all looking for friendship-maybe-more in one convenient place, try a dating site."

The point isn't that you can never spark up a conversation with a stranger. Rather, it's that men need to respect social cues — not find ways around them.

To review: Remember that you're not entitled to anybody else's time, attention, or space. If someone is wearing headphones, they're probably not up for conversation, and you should respect that.

As artist and author Kate Leth illustrates:

And if you feel like you absolutely must be able to chat up women in headphones, try this first:

Joy

Sorry, Labradors. After 31 years, America has a new favorite dog.

The American Kennel Club has crowned a new favorite.

via Pixabay

A sad-looking Labrador Retriever

The sweet-faced, loveable Labrador Retriever is no longer America’s favorite dog breed. The breed best known for having a heart of gold has been replaced by the smaller, more urban-friendly French Bulldog.

According to the American Kennel Club, for the past 31 years, the Labrador Retriever was America’s favorite dog, but it was eclipsed in 2022 by the Frenchie. The rankings are based on nearly 716,500 dogs newly registered in 2022, of which about 1 in 7 were Frenchies. Around 108,000 French Bulldogs were recorded in the U.S. in 2022, surpassing Labrador Retrievers by over 21,000.

Keep ReadingShow less

Jason K. Pargin shares his controversial theory on lobster.

Novelist Jason K. Pargin has inspired an online food fight after his video about lobster received over 500,000 views on Tiktok and nearly 6 million on Twitter. Pargin believes that we’ve all been tricked into liking lobster and that people only like it because it’s considered high class.

Pargin is the author of the “John Dies at the End” and “Zoey Ashe” series and the former editor of Cracked.com.

"I don't think anyone actually enjoys eating lobster. I think they've just been convinced that it's a high-class food for a really specific reason,” Pargin says in his controversial video. He then describes how just a few centuries ago lobster was once used as prisoners' food and ground into fertilizer.

Keep ReadingShow less
Joy

An 8-year-old snuck his handwritten book onto a library shelf. Now it has a 56-person waiting list.

Dillon Helbig's 81-page graphic novel— written by "Dillon His Self"—captured the hearts of his local librarians and their patrons.

Dillon Helbig's 81-page graphic novel captured the hearts of his local librarians.

Writing a book is no easy task, even for adult professional writers. Many would-be authors dream of a day when their work can be found on library shelves, unsure if it will ever come.

But for 8-year-old Dillon Helbig, that day has already arrived—in truly unconventional fashion—thanks to his own determination to make it happen.

Dillon wrote his 81-page graphic novel, "The Adventures of Dillon Helbig's Crismis" (written by "Dillon His Self") in a hardcover journal with colored pencils over the course of a few days. He even put a label on the back of the book that reads "Made in Idho" [sic] and put an illustrated spine label on it as well. Then, without telling anyone, he brought it to his local library in Boise, Idaho, and slipped it in among the books in the children's section.

Keep ReadingShow less
Pop Culture

This 1940s guide on 'how to be pretty' for teen girls has some surprisingly modern suggestions

In a resurfaced video from the 1940s, Mary Stuyvesant, a Ponds beauty consultant, spoke to a group of high school girls about "how to be pretty."

1940s guide on "how to be pretty" is surprisingly modern.

Often, when we think of the 1940s and the messaging that was sent to women and girls back then, we tend to imagine lessons about how to get and keep a husband. But it turns out that all messaging wasn't the same and some girls were receiving a much more progressive message about their appearance.

In a resurfaced video from the 1940s, Mary Stuyvesant, a Ponds beauty consultant, spoke to a group of high school girls about "how to be pretty." Surprisingly, the advice is rather timeless and not at all focused on becoming the best wife and mother you can be, but on learning to care for yourself. Stuyvesant refers to your physical appearance as icing on a cake and that good icing tastes nice but the cake is the most important part.

She goes on to explain to the girls that who they are as people is the cake and that's the part that needs the most attention.

Keep ReadingShow less

Weatherman rescues a chicken in a blizzard and now they're friends.

There's a little-known saying that every weatherman needs a chicken. OK, it's little known because I totally just made it up, but you have to admit, it's just random enough to make you wonder if you missed out on a weird colloquialism. But in this case, it may be a new saying because weatherman David Neal found a stray chicken while reporting on a blizzard, and they've somehow become best friends.

The chicken, now named Penelope, was running around in the snowstorm while Neal was filming, so he tried to catch her so he could make sure she was warm. Penelope had other plans and gave Neal a literal run for his money. Eventually, with the help of a bystander who was likely as confused as the chicken, Neal was able to get Penny in his arms.

Of course, he had some explaining to do once the cameras were rolling again, and he handled it like the pro he is, holding a live chicken.

Keep ReadingShow less
Today Info/Youtube

Taylor Swift "diving" below the stage of her Eras Tour concert

The highly anticipated, Ticketmaster-bustingTaylor Swift Eras Tour has officially begun. And it’s looking like the pop star is pulling out all the stops to deliver a heap of spectacle.

Case in point—a video from the “Anti-Hero” pop star's kick-off concert that’s making quite the splash online.

In a mesmerizing blend of live performance and hologram wizardry, audiences saw Swift, clad in a flowy red dress, dive into a pool built into the stage. She then swam across to emerge through waves in a shimmery jumpsuit, just before climbing a ladder and disappearing into a cloud.

Basically, it was like a romantic fairy tale brought to life.

Keep ReadingShow less