upworthy

abusive relationships

Wellness

A pageant winner boldly called out her abuser in the audience during her final interview

"I took back my power—not just for myself, but for my dreams and everyone watching and listening."

Alexis Smith was crowned Miss Kansas in June 2024.

Domestic violence survivors cheered on the winner of the 2024 Miss Kansas competition after she stood on stage and called out her abuser who showed up to the pageant. Before Alexis Smith was chosen from 26 participants in the state competition on June 8, 2024 to represent Kansas in the 2025 Miss America contest, she was asked to speak on stage about her Reclaimed Respect initiative.

“My vision as the next Miss Kansas is to eliminate unhealthy and abusive relationships,” Smith said. “Matter of fact, some of you out in this audience saw me very emotional because my abuser is here today. But that’s not going to stop me from being on this Miss Kansas stage and from representing as the next Miss Kansas. Because I, and my community, deserve healthy relationships. We deserve a domestic [violence] free life.”

Watch:

@lexlex_smith

Respect Reclaimed is about reclaiming your power and standing firmly in it. On the night of Miss Kansas, my journey took an unexpected turn when someone I have been healing from tried to disrupt my peace. Instead of falling into silence, I chose to live out my vision for a better world. I took back my power—not just for myself, but for my dreams and everyone watching and listening. This isn't about shunning others; it's about turning our pain into purpose and channeling it in a way that unifies and uplifts. I'm ready to use my story, tools, and resources to end unhealthy relationships in all forms. My voice and advocacy will empower everyone to reclaim their own power in their own unique way. I might be small in stature, but I stand tall in strength, purpose, and power with hopes of inspiring others to do the same. #fyp #abuse #miss #misskansas #missamerica #pageant #awareness #me #relationship #respect #tiktok

In the video shared on TikTok, the new Miss Kansas wrote, "Respect Reclaimed is about reclaiming your power and standing firmly in it. On the night of Miss Kansas, my journey took an unexpected turn when someone I have been healing from tried to disrupt my peace. Instead of falling into silence, I chose to live out my vision for a better world. I took back my power—not just for myself, but for my dreams and everyone watching and listening."

She wrote that it wasn't about shunning anyone, but about "turning our pain into purpose and channeling it in a way that unifies and uplifts."

"I’m ready to use my story, tools, and resources to end unhealthy relationships in all forms," she wrote. "My voice and advocacy will empower everyone to reclaim their own power in their own unique way.

I might be small in stature, but I stand tall in strength, purpose, and power with hopes of inspiring others to do the same."

@lexlex_smith

Bye bye #DV #RespectReclaimed #FYP #MissKansas #Shoot #photography #photoshoot #TikTok

People who have experienced abuse themselves applauded her advocacy.

"As a victim of domestic violence I applaud you for speaking out!! I watched this 10 times!! I’m still getting bullied by his parents even with a no contact order. I plan on helping women like us as well."

"WHAT A WOMAN. This is absolutely incredible. From one survivor to another, I am SO SO proud of you for reclaiming this moment for yourself. You will do amazing things🫶🏽🫶🏽"

"Incredibly brave of you. You just made a statement for all women. I appreciate you so much."

abusive relationships, domestic violence, unhealthy relationshipLove shouldn't hurt.Photo credit: Canva

"As an old survivor…I’m so damn PROUD OF YOU!! Love, A Stranger💚"

"We got to see you ACTIVELY showcasing your platform LIVE IN PERSON! My utmost respect to you Miss Alexis. This is beyond any crown, I cannot wait to watch your journey. As someone who grew up around domestic violence, I have chills watching you. You will always have a supporter in me.💖 You absolutely ate that. 👑"

"YAS GIRL! As a fellow survivor, you are an inspiration and I’m so proud of you for using your voice and showing your strength."

""I experienced emotional and psychological abuse for a very long time," Smith shared with KMUW, "and it was recognizing that I was losing control over my own personal emotions, trying to save the emotions of someone else, and so to be able to save myself. I recognize that we don't want to both go down together. I need to be able to leave this relationship. That way, I'm able to pursue a future, because you just never know what can happen to your partner or happen to yourself when you're in those relationships."

According to The Wichita Eagle, Smith uses her 19 years of experience as a ventriloquist to teach kids about healthy relationships with puppets as part of her Reclaimed Respect initiative. She also works full-time as a cardiothoracic ICU nurse.

This article originally appeared last year.

A stepmother braiding her stepdaughter's hair.

A mother on TikTok has received over 8 million views on a video that recounts a terrible episode that occurred as she was trying to separate from her abusive ex-husband. In the video entitled, “Stepmom tells everyone she is the mom,” Belle Blake recounts a harrowing tale of when she realized that her ex-husband’s wife lied about her role in her daughter Delilah’s life.

Blake tells the story as a “reenactment” because it occurred during a time when she was involved in legal proceedings and couldn’t share it publicly.

As a TikTok user with over 93,000 followers, Blake told the salacious story, knowing it would attract attention, which she used to promote the Safe At Home Program or Address Confidentiality Program.


It all started when Blake picked up her daughter, Delilah, from dance class and the other mothers thought she was the stepmom. Delilah’s real stepmom, Stephanie, had told everyone she was her biological mother.

@mrsbelleblake

I’m 1000% done #stepparents #cheater #husbandandwife #divorce Disclaimer: this is a reenactment inspired by my own experiences with domestic abuse. I am no longer around the people involved. This is to bring awareness to the Safe At Home Program (Address Confidentiality Program), this program provides a decoy address to victims of domestic abuse so their abusers can’t find them. Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233

“Her stepmom has been telling everyone that she is her biological mom. Like having conversations about when she was pregnant with her," Blake says in the video.

The stepmother had even claimed that Blake’s birth story was her own. "I gave birth to her, weird. And [a mom at the dance class] goes, 'What? No, no, no, Stephanie gave birth to her. Stephanie was telling us all about the preeclampsia that she had. She had a seizure after she was born...'" she continued.

"This woman stole my birth story! My birth story! That I went through. She's out here telling people that she was pregnant with Delilah, and she had preeclampsia. And she had seizures! She had to stay in the hospital with a magnesium drip! Excuse me?" Blake says while getting progressively angrier.

Blake goes on to clarify that Stephanie wasn’t even around when Delilah was born; she was still in high school.

To add further insult, Stephanie said she named Delilah after hearing the song “Hey There Delilah” on the radio, which was Blake's story as well. "But I can't believe that somebody would actually do that. She went on to tell people how she picked out the name. Delilah. Like talked about, how ... this woman is like trying to be me," Blake says,

Stephanie was able to get away with her dishonesty for so long due to strict visitation rules. Blake never had her on days she went to dance class.

Blake’s disturbing story inspired many to rally behind her in the comments. “Go through the family courts, get custody changed and file a restraining order,” ArtisticCircus urged. “This is like - your daughter shouldn’t be alone with this woman territory,” Morgan Elisa Strickell added.

“That’s actually scary,” Alisha wrote, to which Blake responded, “Terrifying!”

The good news is that these days, Blake and her children have no connection with her ex-husband or Stephanie and aren’t old enough to remember them or their shocking behavior. Blake now has sole custody of her kids and is married to a "fantastic guy" and "everything is great."

Throughout her video series on the identity-stealing stepmother, Blake was eager to mention that she was sharing it to promote a program that helps women escape domestic violence known as the Safe At Home Program or the Address Confidentiality Program.

To learn more about this program that allows victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, stalking or other types of crime to receive mail at a confidential address while keeping their actual address undisclosed, visit the National Domestic Abuse Hotline’s website.

Health

Beloved gamer icon has perfect analogy explaining why people stay in abusive relationships

When people learn of an abusive relationship, the common question that surfaces is "If it was so bad, why didn't you just leave?"

mobile.twitter.com
Cosplay star Chloe Dykstra says she endured 'long-term abuse' from ex-boyfriend

Chloe Dykstra has spoken out about the painful reality of being in an abusive relationship.

In a post on Medium in June 2018, beloved gamer, actress, model, and cosplayer Dykstra wrote about the harrowing experience of being in a long-term abusive relationship.



"One day, I met someone at a convention and ended up falling for a man almost 20 years my senior," Dykstra wrote. "It wasn't the first time I'd found myself in a relationship with an older man; I've always joked about my daddy issues, and thought that with age came stability and wisdom. Welp."

From there, Dykstra details the horrors of that relationship. Within the first two weeks, she was isolated from her friends, given a curfew, and told not to speak in public.

Quickly, the relationship turned into one of fear — "I was terrified to piss him off — so I did what he said," she wrote — and then became assaultive. Dykstra revealed she developed an eating disorder. Then, when she suffered an ectopic pregnancy and either had to have surgery or risk death, she said her fear of having to tell her partner she was pregnant was stronger than her fear of death.

domestic abuse, celebrity, allegations, shockingCosplay star Chloe Dykstra says she endured 'long-term abuse' from ex-boyfriend

mobile.twitter.com

Dykstra is shining an important light on why people stay in abusive relationships.

When people learn of an abusive relationship, the common question that surfaces is "If it was so bad, why didn't you just leave?" The answer to this question is complex in general and often has nothing to do with a person's strength. Often, it doesn't even seem like there's a choice.

Dykstra's answer to this question paints a painful picture of why escaping an abusive relationship can feel impossible:

"I believed that, to borrow an analogy from a friend, if I kept digging I would find water. And sometimes I did. Just enough to sustain me. And when you're dying of thirst, that water is the best water you'll ever drink. When you're alienated from your friends, there's no one to tell you that there's a drinking fountain 20 feet away. And when your self-worth reaches such depths after years of being treated like you're worthless, you might find you think you deserve that sort of treatment, and no one else will love you."

Her story has clearly resonated with people far and wide.

Dykstra's main goals were to create closure and warn others about how surprisingly common abuse can be. According to The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, more than 10 million people are abused by an intimate partner annually. On an average day, approximately 20,000 calls are placed to domestic violence hotlines.

The stigma of being trapped in an abusive relationship is slowly disappearing. The overwhelming support Dykstra has been shown is a sign that progress is moving in the right direction — but there's so much work yet to to be done.

You can reach the NCADV in the link below:

domestic violence, NCADV, public coalition, survivors, victimsNCADV | National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

ncadv.org

NCADV is the voice of victims and survivors. We are the catalyst for changing society to have zero tolerance for domestic violence. We do this by affecting public policy, increasing understanding of the impact of domestic violence, and providing programs and education that drive that change.

This article originally appeared on 06.15.18

Mental Health

Narcissist expert explains how to recognize a narcissistic relationship and how to get out

"They don't want you to be strong. They don't want you to succeed. They don't want you to get away."

Expert explains how to recognize a narcissistic relationship

Narcissist has become somewhat of a buzzword across social media platforms. It's become so common that the word has made its way into the daily lexicon of many people and in a sense lost the weight the word carries. Narcissist has become a catch all word for someone that may display toxic or undesirable behaviors.

But narcissism isn't a fun pop culture word, it's an actual mental health condition that requires a proper diagnosis. It also requires more than just doing something that someone doesn't like to meet criteria. In fact, many people that have narcissistic personality disorder aren't diagnosed because they generally don't seek treatment due to exaggerated sense of self-importance, which can lead to toxic relationships.

Dr. Ramani is a clinical psychologist and narcissist expert, she teaches people how to interact with narcissistic people and how to recover from a narcissistic relationship. In a recent interview, Dr. Ramani sat down Lisa Bilyeu, the host of "Women of Impact" and discussed recognizing a narcissistic relationship pattern and how to escape.


Dr. Ramani begins the segment by essentially comparing and contrasting what a healthy relationship is like in comparison to one that involves a narcissistic partner.

"They don't want you to be strong. They don't want you to succeed. They don't want you to get away and they sure as heck don't want you to be independent," Dr. Ramani says. "Narcissism is about dominance, power and control."

She explains that narcissists find it threatening if their partner is successful, particularly if they start to become more successful than the narcissist. But in a healthy relationship, there is no competition around success. The psychologist says in a healthy relationship the partners support each other and work through any insecurities.

There's no need for one partner to shrink themselves so the other is more comfortable. On the other hand, in a narcissistic relationship there are no boundaries and when there are boundaries put in place by the non narcissist partner, the narcissist will punish them.

"There are a lot of different ways narcissistic people punish people," Dr. Ramani explains. "They abandon people, they withhold from people, they humiliate people, they embarrass people publicly."

Not only is the entire conversation eye opening but it is likely extremely helpful for people who may be questioning if they have found themselves in a narcissistic relationship. The full clip is below and Dr. Ramani does an exceptional job at laying things out in easy to understand terms and scenarios.