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divorce

A boy doing the dishes.

A 41-year-old mom with 3 boys, 12-year-old twins, and a 10-year-old, pays them $10 daily to do their chores. However, their pay is deducted $10 if they miss a day. The boys have to do their tasks 5 days a week, although it doesn’t matter which days they choose to work.

“This system has worked swimmingly for us since it started, the boys have always complied with completing their chores,” the mom wrote on Reddit.

Her 12-year-old son was getting ready to play Fortnite with a friend and told him he’d be ready in 15 minutes once he finished his chores. When the boys started playing the game, he told the friend he was in charge of dusting and sweeping the stairs, to which the friend responded, “It’s a good thing my parents don’t make me do girl chores.”

After learning what the friend said, the mom told her son that chores are genderless.


“I spoke with my son and explained to him that knowing how to clean was not specific to any gender, that it was a life skill everyone needed to know. I also told him that I understood that other families functioned differently; however, in our family, everyone did an equal share,” she wrote.

Over the next 3 days, the boy refused to do his “girl” chores. So, when allowance day came, the two brothers who did theirs received $50, but the 12-year-old who refused only got $20. The mom and the boy's father are divorced, so the 12-year-old called his dad to complain that he got $30 less, and the dad took his side.

“My ex-husband then proceeded to call me and tell me that I’m in the wrong for only giving him $20 and to imagine how it makes him feel that his brothers got more than he did. I explained to him that our other sons actually did their chores for all 5 days, so they were rewarded accordingly,” the mother wrote. “And assured him that if he had decided to start giving the boys an allowance, then he can run allowance however he wanted, but this was ultimately the system I had come up with.”

She added that her husband said she is being “insensitive” and “humiliating” their son.

The mom asked Reddit’s AITA subforum if she was in the wrong, and the commenters unanimously agreed that she was right. Other commenters noted that she made a smart decision leaving her ex-husband because he took the side of his child, who refused to do work for sexist reasons.

The only problem the commenters had was that the mom was being a little too generous by giving them $50 a week. That’s $600 a month for 3 kids.

"It’s the real world, you don’t do your job, you don’t get paid, and I actually think $10 a day is pretty generous for allowance," Longjumping-Gur-6581 wrote. "$10/day is insane for that age,” fIumpf added.

“You’re not taking money out of your son’s allowance, you’re not paying him for services not rendered,” Excitedorca wrote. “The sexist, misogynistic reasons behind not completing the chores need to be corrected and that won’t happen by rewarding it.”


This article originally appeared on 9.22.23

A woman is upset with her husband and wants to leave him.

There are a few big reasons why 70% of divorces in the United States among heterosexual couples are filed by women. Women have more economic opportunities than in decades past and are better positioned to care for themselves and their children without a husband’s income.

Another big reason is that even though the world has become much more egalitarian than in the past, women still bear the brunt of most of the emotional labor in the home. Gilza Fort-Martinez, a Florida, US-based licensed couples’ therapist, told the BBC that men are socialized to have lower emotional intelligence than women, leaving their wives to do most of the emotional labor.

Secondly, studies show that women still do most of the domestic work in the home, so many are pulling double duty for their households.


A TikTokker with two children (@thesoontobeexwife) shared why she decided to leave her husband of two decades and her story recounts a common theme: She did all the work and her husband did little but complain.

The video, entitled “Why women leave,” has received over 2 million views.

@thesoontobeexwife

Y’all I laughed when I realized he truly does treat me better now then when he was trying to be in a marriage with me. How is this better?? How did I ever think before was ok?? #toxicrelationship #divorce #mentalloadofmotherhood #divorcetok #divorceisanoption #chooseyou #mentalhealth #mentalload #fyp #mentalload #emotionallabor

“So for the men out there who watch this, which frankly I kind of hope there aren’t any, you have an idea maybe what not to do,” she starts the video. “Yesterday, I go to work all day, go pick up one kid from school, go grocery shopping, go pick up the other kid from school, come home. Kids need a snack–make the snack. Kids want to play outside – we play outside.”

Her husband then comes home after attending a volunteer program, which she didn’t want him to join, and the self-centeredness begins. “So he gets home, he eats the entire carton of blueberries I just purchased for the children’s lunch and asks me what’s for dinner. I tell him I don’t know because the kids had a late snack and they’re not hungry yet,” she says in the video.

She then explains how the last time he cooked, which was a rare event, he nearly punched a hole in the wall because he forgot an ingredient. Their previous home had multiple holes in the walls. Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist and host of the Power of Different podcast, says that when punch walls it’s a sign that they haven’t “learned to deal with anger in a reasonable way.”

“Anyway, finally one kid is hungry,” the TikTokker continues. “So I offered to make pancakes because they’re quick and easy and it’s late. He sees the pancake batter and sees that there’s wheat flour in it and starts complaining. Says he won’t eat them. Now I am a grown adult making pancakes for my children who I am trying to feed nutritionally balanced meals. So yes, there’s wheat flour in the pancake mix.”

Then her husband says he’s not doing the dishes because he didn’t eat any pancakes. “Friends, the only thing this man does around this house is dishes occasionally. If I cook, he usually does the dishes. I cook most nights. But here’s the thing. That’s all he does. I do everything else. Everything. Everything.”

She then listed all of the household duties she handles.

“I cook, I clean the bathrooms, I make the lunches, I make the breakfasts, I mow the lawn, I do kids’ bedtime. I literally do everything and he does dishes once a day, maybe,” she says.

@thesoontobeexwife

I HAVE OFFICIALLY FILED FOR DIVORCE 🎉 #divorce #divorcetok #toxicrelationship #divorceisanoption #fyp #mentalhealth #chooseyou #iamenough #iwillnotbeafraid #mentalloadofmotherhood #emotionallabor

The video received over 8700 comments and most of them were words of support for the TikTokker who would go on to file for divorce from her husband.

"The amount of women I’ve heard say that their male partners are only teaching how to be completely independent of them, theirs going to be so many lonely men out there," Gwen wrote. "I was married to someone just like this for over 35 years. You will be so happy when you get away from him," BeckyButters wrote.

"The way you will no longer be walking on eggshells in your own home is an amazing feeling. You got this!" Barf Simpson added.


This article originally appeared on 5.21.23

A man considers divorcing his wife after learning she cheated 20 years ago.

Is there an expiration date for infidelity? If you learned your spouse cheated on you 10, 20, or 30 years ago, would it be any more or less significant than if it happened last week? Is it easier to forgive something that happened years ago or does their silence over all these years make the indiscretion even worse?

A Redditor recently posted that he’s divorcing his wife after learning she cheated on him 20 years ago and the commenters overwhelmingly support his decision. Why? It wasn’t necessarily that she cheated, but how she handled the situation.

“My wife (44F) and I (43M) have been married 20 years,” the poster wrote. “We started dating in high school when I was a junior and she was a senior. We were long-distance for her first two years of college while I was in high school and did one year at community college, then we went to college in the same city for a year and have lived together since.”


The poster later clarified that they were “long-distance,” but they were only about 3 hours apart and saw each other a couple of weekends a month.

The couple has two children, who are 19 and 17 years old. The poster says that their 20-year marriage had been “pretty good” until he learned the truth about what happened during the 2 long-distance years in college.

divorce, infidelity, ami

A group of friends having some drinks.

via Lisa Fotios/Pexels

The couple got together with some of the wife’s college friends after Christmas when the conversation strayed into some very sensitive area. “Her old college roommate commented that it was crazy that we met in high school, had a few wild years in college, then ended up together,” the poster wrote.

The problem was they were together the entire time.

“The roommate started to tell a story, but my wife cut her off and said she was uncomfortable about it. I sensed something was up, so I said that we actually started dating in high school and were together for my wife's entire time at college,” the poster continued.

When it came out that they were together during his wife’s “wild” years, the old college friends got really quiet and the rest of the night was extremely awkward. When one of the roommates was leaving, she told the poster to have an “honest” conversation with his wife about their college years.

The next day, the wife admitted to sleeping with at least 10 men during her first 2 years of college when the couple was in a long-distance relationship. She also admitted that she introduced her future husband to 3 of them as “friends.” But she didn't think it was a big deal because it was a high-school relationship she didn't think would last.

infidelity, divorce, reddit

A couple having a heart-to-heart conversation.

via Mikhail Nilov/Pexels

The wife is still in contact with one of the men.

Now is where the husband has a real dilemma. Can he forgive his wife for cheating on him with a significant number of men while they were in a long-distance relationship and never telling him? The answer was no. The big reason was that she showed a complete lack of respect by parading the men in front of him.

“I've stood by my belief that cheating on me with multiple men for years is unacceptable no matter when it happened and the fact that she continued to maintain relationships with these guys right in front of me was an unacceptable amount of disrespect,” the poster said.

On January 2, the man filed for divorce from his wife. Five days later, he posted about the situation on the Am I Wrong Reddit subforum and the commenters overwhelmingly took his side. Some could understand a little cheating happening while they were long-distance, but no one could abide by the way she introduced her future husband to the men she slept with.

"I actually came into this thread thinking, ‘Well, I could understand him getting divorced over cheating in the past, but if it's a 20-year happy marriage and a one-time mistake while they were in the very beginning of dating, I'd try to work on it.’ But the continuous humiliation of having your girlfriend cheat on you while you're getting introduced to those men and still know one of them? Man, how do you get over that," Candy Puppet wrote.

“It was 20 years ago, but that amount of savageness would be hard to look past, especially when she still associates with the other men. That is just a continual slap." Thanos13 added.

They also praised the friend who told the poster to have a conversation with his wife.

"Honestly, her friend who took OP aside is a good human. Could have let it slide & let him go on clueless about the wife's past." Likeapuma wrote.

The post goes to show that there are no hard and fast rules to deciding how to deal with infidelity and some people are okay with forgiving an indiscretion that happened years ago. Getting carried away and sleeping with someone while in college is one thing, but few could forgive the way the wife seemingly shoved it in her husband’s face without him being aware years later.

A couple having a hard time with a therapist.

When you’re single, your best friend is often your wingman or wingwoman when you go out looking for a partner. They’re great at giving an honest take on whether someone is right for you or not.

They can also be an important sounding board for determining whether you’re in a healthy relationship. They know you and your spouse, so they can see it when things aren’t going right. Whether they are comfortable telling you or if you really want to know their honest opinion is another story.

A Reddit user named Anita recently asked the AskReddit online forum about the obvious signs that a friend is in a bad relationship or headed for a divorce. “What are some signs that your married friend doesn’t have a good marriage?” Anita asked, and the question received nearly 2,000 responses in just 3 days.


Evidently, there are a lot of dead giveaways that people in bad relationships broadcast out to the world.

The major takeaway is people know their friends are stuck in a bad relationship or headed toward the end when the couple openly makes snide comments in front of each other at social engagements. Another big red flag is when one partner goes out of their way to avoid the other by working later, surrounding themselves with friends, or sleeping on the couch.

Here are 16 of the most prominent signs that scream “your married friend doesn’t have a good marriage.”

1.

"When my husband died, some friends admitted that they were a little jealous." — EmmyMcD

2.

"Never wants to go home, doesn’t like bringing their spouse as plus one, speaking poorly of spouse, future plans sound more 'I' than 'We,' and lack of excitement around the holidays." — Peaceatthebeach

3.

"An occasional joke at their expense is one thing. My wife and I do it, but you could really insert anyone's name in the joke. But when they criticize their SO for the same, personal thing nonstop, it starts to get telling. Like constantly telling everyone your wife is a shitty cook." — CaptainAwesome06

4.

"They continually complain about their spouse in front of others. Or disparage them." — Mahaloth

5.

"When they advise their single friends to stay single." — Deneenxo

6.

"Ummm, his wife came into the office one day and he introduced her to me as 'his future ex-wife' with a sly smile. Yeah, they're divorced now." — HibouWho

7.

"Look at their face when they get a cell phone call and see that it's from their spouse. Tells you everything." — No-Conclusion8653

8.

"Just... bickering. Passive-aggressive little digs and being generally annoyed with one another. It is WEIRD to me that so many couples I know just kinda pick at each other constantly. They just don't seem to enjoy each other's company at all." — Lizard Possum

9.

"I promise, when you learn this, you’ll see it everywhere and you’ll realize how f**ked up most people in relationships are. Contempt. The one thing to look for in bad relationships is contempt. This comes from Malcom Gladwell’s 'Blink,' where he talks about Dr. John Gottman’s work on relationships and marriage. I’m not going to say much on these two gentlemen’s qualifications, as I can’t really speak to them, but I can tell you that the takeaway has impacted my perspective and experience profoundly.

Gottman came to believe there are 4 horsemen of the apocalypse when it comes to marriage: criticism, stonewalling, defensiveness, and contempt—and contempt is the most powerful one. Contempt means more than just being annoyed with someone. It’s deeper than disrespect. It is complete disregard to the level of disgust for the other's attempt to be. Contempt means you feel yourself superior to your partner and feel no obligation to care about them. You’ll see it in these examples: a wife who won’t let her husband care for the children. A husband who insults his wife’s housework while redoing it. An eye roll behind their back. Passive aggression. Sarcasm. Jokes at their expense. Gottman’s research indicates that contempt can predict divorce with about 90% accuracy. This jibes with my experience." — PAdogooder

10.

"When one of them is out and their spouse does not stop calling them." — BansheeShriek

11.

"They flirt a lot. A lot of unhappily married people I know are quick to flirt with anyone who seems interested because they want to feel that spark again." — FlatulentDwarf

12.

"When their identity is the 'person who is mean to their spouse.' I was at a party this weekend and there was a woman who just bad-mouthed her husband and talked about how nice it was to be away from him and the kids for the night. That’s like her shtick…she talks about how her kids and husband are shitty. It’s such a gross personality, and it’s relatively common. It shouldn’t be common at all." — SpacemanPete

13.

"If they're plastering social media with how HAPPY they are, and they're SO IN LOVE, and THEY'RE GOING TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER, that's a sure sign that things are in the process of going sideways." — wildlowerwolves

14.

"I’ve known two different couples that off and on fought a lot around me at certain points, which isn’t obviously a great sign. The fighting stopped, but what I realized after a while that may be worse is that they didn’t interact at all unless absolutely necessary. I’m mostly oblivious, so it took my wife pointing it out to notice that both of these couples never really talk to each other besides mandatory stuff like plans or the kids. No casual conversations, no eye contact, no touching each other; literally no interaction that’s not necessary for the family to function. I suppose it’s better than fighting in public, but it’s kind of weird once you notice it." — Non_Clever_User_Name

15.

"He games all day and the boys are always over. She sits in the bedroom and is on her phone all day. Because they are both so glued to the screens. I was the one that saw their daughter take her first steps (didn't even realize it until my buddy saw his daughter standing next to him and went nuts). But hey they have been together now almost for 10 years and still haven't broken up, but at the same time I wouldn't call that living." — RootlessForest

16.

"When they don’t care what the other person is doing or where they are. Basically, two people who live separate lives and live like roommates." — LucyInTheSky