Divorced couple's unconventional co-parenting solution hailed as 'selfless'
"Working through an amicable divorce means thinking outside the box."
Birdnesting is a way for couples to go their separate ways without as much disruption.
For parents going through divorce, the number one challenge is often figuring out how to not disrupt life for the kids. More and more coparenting couples are discovering that making children bounce back and forth between different living arrangements doesn’t have to be the path taken if it doesn’t actually work for the family. In fact, there are many different ways to go about it.
For Susan Fowler and her ex-husband Josh Fowler, losing their family home (and the consistency provided for their five kids) didn’t feel like an option. So, in an effort to “think outside the box,” they decided to keep the home, and simply take turns living in it.
“It was scary at first, figuring out the logistics, each finding a room to rent,” Susan explained in a TikTok clip, “But it was also way cheaper than two houses big enough for 6 people.”
@sparklysusan Working through an amicable divorce means we get to think outside the box. What really works best for our family? We realized keeping the kids in their same home is a top priority. Also, it means that we both get to keep living here part time as well, and we don’t have to lose out on all the love and effort we’ve put into this family home.
♬ Walking Around - Instrumental Version - Eldar Kedem
Rather than upsetting all five of her kids and making them go through the stress of having to pack up and go to another home every couple of days or weeks, there’s only one person who ends up leaving. And for that ease alone, Susan is "grateful" every time she hauls her bags to the car to head to the room she rents from a friend.
Plus, she writes, “we don’t have to lose out on all the love and effort we’ve put into this family home.”
Susan’s video has racked up nearly six million views, and the idea has received a ton of praise for being such a win-win—from fellow parents and former kids of divorce alike.
“This shows the level of maturity between the two parties.”
“This should be a law! Kids didn’t ask to be brought into this world. “This is exactly what should be done. Keeping kids grounded is everything!”
“I lived out of a suitcase for years because I was switching houses every week. Everything in life felt temporary. Thank you for doing this.”
“This is the most selfless way to share custody. A friend who I grew up with had 50/50 parents, said he had 2 houses and no home.
“Amazing co-parenting!! Putting the kids first!!”
“As a kid that had to take 6-hour road trips between houses, thank you for putting their comfort first.”
@sparklysusan Replying to @Emu Thompson ♬ original sound - sparklysusan
This strategy, while unconventional, is not the first of its kind, and it’s gaining traction. Many parents have found that “birdnesting” divorces, as they are commonly called, are not only practical, but protective of children’s well-being. The idea is that, like in the animal kingdom, little ones still get to have the security of a “nest” while parents take turns taking care of them.
It isn’t a fool proof plan, of course. There’s still a shifting family dynamic, which can be confusing. A ton of communication is also still required to figure out balancing responsibilities, boundaries, schedules, etc. Plus, not everyone can necessarily keep up with the financial demand of two homes.
But if both parties are aware of those factors and can work together to address them head on, the stability is likely well worth it.
As for Susan and Jason, working together doesn’t seem to be an issue. On her TikTok, she goes into detail about how they continue to meet once a week to “workout admin things for the family.” Through those meetings, they came up with a schedule where Susan lives in the family home on Mondays and Tuesdays, while Josh resides there on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Then they each alternate staying in the home from Friday to Sunday. Each of them has to arrive at the house by 10am, which is after the kids leave for school, meaning which parent stayed the night at the house also is in charge of mornings.
@sparklysusan Replying to @Samantha ♬ original sound - sparklysusan
It’s clear that they each have the same top priority: their kiddos. And it’s lovely to see parents who can keep that in mind while going their separate ways. It’s not easy, but sometimes it doesn’t have to be as hard as we think.
TikTok · shannonnjune