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'This is the face of domestic violence.' The tragedy of Megan Montgomery happens far too often.

"Megan began dying on July 23, 2017, on their first date."

via Feminist News/Megan Montgomery

Megan Montgomery and Jason McIntosh on their wedding day

If you were to look at Megan Montgomery's Instagram account, you'd see a beautiful, smiling woman in the prime of her life, her youth and fitness the envy of women the world over. You'd even see some photos of her with her husband (#datenight), with comments saying things like "Aww, gorgeous couple!"

But beneath her picture-perfect feed was the story of a woman in an abusive relationship with her husband—one that would start with his arrest shortly after they got married, and end 10 months later with him shooting her to death in a parking lot. In a Facebook post, one of the people who was out with Megan the night of her murder detailed how her estranged husband had come to their table, put his hand on her neck and shoulder, and escorted her out of the building.


She went with him willingly, but anyone familiar with abusive relationships knows that "willingly" is a subjective term. He had reportedly threatened mass violence before. Perhaps she was trying to protect the people she was with. Perhaps staying felt more dangerous to her than going with him.

The couple reportedly had a volatile relationship from the start, and at one point both had restraining orders against the other. Regardless, she was killed by the man who had claimed to love her, an ex-cop who had been arrested for domestic violence and had been bailed out multiple times prior to that evening.

In April of 2021, McIntosh, pleaded guilty to murdering Montgomery. As part of the plea deal, he received a 30-year prison sentence.

"Megan began dying on July 23, 2017, on their first date," her mother, Susann Montgomery-Clark, said in court. "Like a frog in a pot of boiling water, you gradually turn up the heat to boiling and the frog doesn't know they're dying. That's what happened to Megan. That's what domestic violence does. Anyone who met her after their first date didn't know the real Megan that he destroyed long before he killed her."


Feminist News wrote the gist of Megan's story on Facebook, sharing photos from the couple's wedding to illustrate how invisible domestic violence can be to those outside of it. "THIS is the face of domestic violence," they wrote.


But what was perhaps most striking about the post was the deluge of comments from women describing their own experiences with domestic violence. Comment after comment explaining how a partner always made them think the abuse was their fault, how restraining orders were repeatedly violated, how they were charmed and loved into questioning whether the verbal abuse or physical violence was really that bad. Story after story of how they didn't see it coming, how slowly and insidiously it escalated, how terrifying it was to try to leave.

Those of us who have not been in abusive relationships don't always understand why people don't leave them. But the dynamics of abuse—the emotional manipulation, the gaslighting, the self-esteem destruction, the fear and shame—are well documented.

Unfortunately, those dynamics can prove deadly. Domestic violence murders have been on the rise in recent years, going up 19% between 2014 and 2017. And sadly, our justice system does not protect domestic violence survivors as well as it should.

Part of the challenge of prosecuting in domestic violence cases is that victims are not always willing to cooperate, either out of fear or shame or embarrassment, or unhealthy loyalty. According to some estimates, domestic violence victims recant their testimony up to 70% of the time. That's why some are pushing for evidence-based prosecution without requiring victim testimony, much like we try murder cases.


domestic violence, woman in fear, violence against women, domestic violence cases, violent husbands, sousal abuseA woman afraid for her life.via Canva/Photos

But some, like University of Maryland law professor Leah Goodmark, argue that pushing for more law enforcement hasn't proven to reduce domestic violence rates. Addressing issues of poverty, childhood trauma, attitudes toward gender equality, and other risk factors for domestic violence may be more effective by stopping violence before it starts.

While abuse happens to both men and women, women are more likely to be victims and much more likely to be murdered by a partner. Thankfully, there are many resources for domestic violence survivors to seek help, whether you're trying to determine if your relationship is abusive or trying to figure out if, when, and how to leave. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (www.thehotline.org or call 1−800−799−7233) has a wealth of information on domestic violence and what to do about it. The website even has a live chat where you can get your questions answered and receive assistance making a safety plan for you and your family.

If you are afraid of your partner or other loved one, there's something wrong. No one should live in fear of the people who are supposed to love them the most.

This article originally appeared six years ago.

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Wellness

Everyone should know this international hand signal for 'Help Me'

Knowing this discreet-but-distinct hand signal could save a life.

Image via YouTube/Canadian Women's Foundation

One of the scariest things about being trapped in a situation with a dangerous person is how many people don't notice. Abusers, kidnappers, traffickers, and the like often monitor and control a person so tightly that asking for help seems impossible.

There are countless stories of people managing to slip someone a note saying they need help or signaling in some other way that they're in an unsafe situation. Wouldn't it be great if there was a way that they could quickly, yet discreetly, alert people that they were in trouble without flagging the person putting them in danger?

There is. It's the international signal for help, and it's going viral for all the right reasons.

A video shared by Indian restauranter Harjinder Singh Kukreja shows several scenarios in which a person needs help and signals with a simple hand gesture we all need to learn to recognize—or if necessary, use ourselves.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

In the video, a woman on a balcony, a man at the door during a delivery, and a girl walking down a hallway with a man all give the signal without their abuser knowing.

The Signal for Help campaign was launchedby the Canadian Women's Foundation last April, and has gained traction around the world thanks to the reach of partners such as the Women's Funding Network, the world's largest philanthropic network for girls and women. With the coronavirus pandemic getting into full swing, it was clear that people were going to be spending a lot more time on video calls and people in abusive situations were going to be spending a lot more time with their abusers. The Signal for Help initiative was a way to discreetly communicate via video call that you were in a dangerous situation without having to say a word.

As we saw in the first video, the signal is useful for more than just Zoom calls. The only issue is that this signal only works if people recognize it and know what it means. That's why people are sharing the video and encouraging others to do the same.

What's great about the signal is that it can be done discreetly. Since it only requires one hand, it's more convenient than the American Sign Language sign for "help," which requires two hands. It's simple, subtle, and swift enough to be easy to use in lots of different circumstances (as we see in the videos) but also distinct enough that those who know it will recognize it instantly. It's even something we can teach young children.

We know that domestic violence is a going concern, especially during the pandemic when people are trapped at home with their abusers. We also know that human trafficking is a billion-dollar global industry and that victims are sometimes being transported in broad daylight. The more tools we have for getting people help the better, but first we need to know when someone actually needs help.

Learning and sharing this hand sign far and wide will help spread awareness, enable more victims of violence to ask for help in a safe way, and hopefully even save lives.


This article originally appeared four years ago.

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Heroes

This quick-thinking teen cleverly befriended a woman's kidnapper to rescue her

Malyk Bonnet did a very brave thing: He listened to his gut.

YouTube | CBS News

Malyk Bonnet recounts his clever rescue.


You've probably been there. You're out and about and you see something that just feels...off.

"Should I step in? ... But it's not really any of my business. ... And I'm not even sure they need my help..."

Our gut tells us to speak up, to ask questions, to tell someone. But often, we don't.

This happened to Malyk Bonnet in 2015. The then 17-year-old from Montreal saw a strange situation, and instead of ignoring his instincts, he acted brilliantly. It may have saved a woman's life.

Bonnet had been having a relatively normal day until he spotted something suspicious on his way home.

He'd been waiting for the bus after a shift at the restaurant where he works when he saw a man and woman arguing. He sensed a red flag.

"The guy was screaming at her, the girl," Bonnet told CBC News. "He wasn't really gentle with her, and I started watching, because I thought he would hit her, so I approached them a little bit."


The pair asked Bonnet if he could lend them bus fares to nearby Laval, a city about 25 miles away from downtown Montreal.

Bonnet felt uneasy about what was happening. But instead of declining, he decided to get more involved. He helped the man and woman with their fares and told them he was also traveling to Laval (which was not the case).

"My plan was to keep them in a public place where he wouldn't hurt her," Bonnet told Dateline NBC. "I decided to be friendly with the man and have him think I was his friend. I played my game and he seemed to trust me."

After arriving in Laval, Bonnet suggested they grab a bite to eat. At the restaurant, he gave the pair $50 for food and excused himself to use the restroom. Finally having the opportunity, he called the police and told them "someone had been kidnapped." Officers arrived minutes later.

What Bonnet hadn't known at the time was that police were already looking for the perpetrator and his victim.

The abusive man Bonnet reported had abducted his ex-girlfriend just hours beforehand.

"We were looking for a 29-year-old woman who was kidnapped by her former boyfriend earlier that day," Laval police Lt. Daniel Guérin told CBC News. "We believed that man was very dangerous."

Previously, the abuser spent time behind bars for assaulting his ex and sending her death threats.

Bonnet told Dateline NBC that while he didn't speak with the woman after police arrived, he could see how relieved she was. "We made eye contact and she had tears in her eyes. She was really happy."

Unfortunately, this type of tragic experience isn't all that rare.

While this particular story unfolded in Canada—where roughly half of women have experienced at least one incident of sexual or physical violence since the age of 16—you'll find similarly alarming statistics in the U.S.

woman with her head down on a table while man with clenched fists stands behind her.

1 in 4 American women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.

Photo via Thinkstock.

1 out of 4 American women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. What's more, female victims of homicide are far more likely than male victims to be killed by a current or former partner.

Although it may seem easy to simply leave an abusive relationship in the dust, take it from some women who've been there—it's much more difficult than it seems from the outside looking in.

Instead of passing judgment, you can learn more about how you can help friends and family members who may be experiencing domestic abuse.

Watch Bonnet recount the story in his own words:

- YouTube

Bonnet has become a local hero for his selflessness.

"His quick actions may have saved this young woman's life," Guérin said. The officers made sure to collect money so Bonnet could be reimbursed for the bus fares and food he purchased while trying to save the victim. "He now has 500 new friends in our department."

Thank you, Malyk, for reminding us that sometimes the bravest thing we can do is simply listen to our gut when it's trying to get our attention.


This article originally appeared nine years ago.

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Divorce lawyer tears up recalling a case he won but wishes he hadn't

"She's poor, that's why she's going to lose."

Photo credit: Canva

Divorce lawyer cries recalling case he shouldn't have won

People either love lawyers or hate them but one thing will always be true, if you find yourself in need of legal assistance, you hope to have a lawyer on your side. But no matter your personal beliefs about lawyers, they're not all out to get unsuspecting people. Many lawyers get into the profession to help people in need and are empathetic to the misfortune of others.

James Sexton is a divorce lawyer that recently sat down with Steven Bartlett on his podcast "The Diary of a CEO" to discuss what he's seen in his work. Things took an emotional turn when Sexton opens up about a case that still haunts him because according to the attorney, he shouldn't have won the case. The clip that shows Sexton becoming overcome with emotion is a small glimpse into the nearly three hour episode about the breakdown of marriages.

In this clip posted to TikTok, Sexton shares about his former client who was a pimp at the time that had been violently abusive to the mother of his children. The woman took the man to court with photographic evidence of the abuse she sustained at the hands of his client. It was seemingly a quick case that should've ended in a victory for the mother who experienced the abuse but that turned out to be wishful thinking.

All Rise Nbc GIF by Law & OrderGiphy

Sexton explains, "there was a case that I won that I should've lost. I represented a pimp, that's what he did for a living. He's in prison for a long, long time now, but at the time he had very brutally abused a woman who he had kids with and the lawyer on the other side of the case, the lawyer who represented his co-parent, his victim if you will, was very inexperienced and a judge who was very impatient."

This quickly amounts to a disappointing situation where the judge was being unhelpful to the inexperienced attorney and Sexton is left watching helplessly as the green prosecutor struggles with basic court proceedings. Since Sexton was representing the defendant, he couldn't step in to offer assistance to the prosecutor who was fumbling a case in real time.

Judge Judy GIFGiphy

"The key piece of evidence they had was a photograph of this woman's face after my client had allegedly beat her up quite badly. And getting a photograph entered into evidence is very easy but it requires a very specific phrasing," he says before sharing the exact process. "For whatever reason, probably lack of experience, opposing counsel I guess didn't know how to get a photograph into evidence. Now normally in that situation a judge will be helpful but this judge was just not in the mood."

Because the opposing lawyer doesn't seem to understand the process to submit evidence, she never properly enters the photograph requiring Sexton to object to the questioning attempted. The divorce lawyer begins to choke up when recalling how flustered the inexperienced opposing counsel was becoming.

Season 13 Episode 21 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy

"I remember looking at the judge and thinking like, 'you're letting this happen. You're letting this happen, don't let this happen.," Sexton says as his voice shakes. "She's poor. She's poor, that's why she's gonna lose. She's gonna lose because she's poor and she can't afford a lawyer and he's going to win because he can afford a lawyer that knows how to put a document into evidence and there's something really wrong about that."

People were moved by the lawyers vulnerability in sharing his emotions around watching an injustice unfold as others share their frustration with how the system works.


@steven Top divorce lawyer James Sexton opens up about the saddest case that he’s ever worked on 😭 #podcast #podcastclip #clips #sad #emotional #emotion #law #attorney #crying #cry #teamwork #marriage #america #usa #diaryofaceo ♬ original sound - Steven Bartlett

"In a weird way, it makes me very happy that he’s very emotional about this. Takes a great amount of empathy to put your work aside and recognize her position," someone writes.

"The way that the opposite lawyer shows more empathy then a judge is actually the worst thing that could happen to you in court," another person laments.

"It had to have taken an immense amount of bravery for this woman to even show up to court and go up against her abuser. the fact that the odds were stacked up against her like this.. heartbreaking," one commenter shares.

Episode 2 Judge GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy

"Using the right combination of words should never be a reason concrete evidence can’t be submitted. That’s insane," another chimes in.

Being a lawyer isn't always easy and sometimes good lawyers wind up representing terrible people while being bound by ethics to do their job to the best of their abilities. It's telling that this case still haunts Sexton and while his client won in court that day with the case against him being dismissed, it may be of some consolation to woman involved that he is now behind bars.

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