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domestic violence

A pizza and a police dispatcher.

In 2020, an Oregon, Ohio, police dispatcher and the daughter of a domestic abuse victim were lauded for their response to a violent situation. Dispatcher Tim Teneyck was manning the phone lines when a curious call came in that he first assumed was a prank. "I would like to order a pizza," the 911 caller said, giving a residential address. "You called 911 to order a pizza?" a bemused Teneyck asked. "This is the wrong number to call for a pizza." "No, no, no, no, you're not understanding," the woman insisted.

"I'm getting you now," Teneyck quickly replied. "We'll get 'em going."

"Is the other guy still there?" Teneyck asked

"I need a large pizza," the woman said.

"How about medical, do you need medical?" Teneyck replied. "No," the woman replied.

"With pepperoni," the woman continued. "We'll get 'em going," Teneyck stated before asking if the woman can stay on the phone.

"No," the woman replied before the call ends.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Teneyck realized she needed emergency assistance because of her persistence. "She stuck right to it," he told Inside Edition. "I knew there was something else going on." The dispatcher told police to go to the house with their sirens off saying "there's domestic violence going on." When police arrived, they saw the call was from a young woman whose mother was assaulted by her boyfriend, Simon Lopez.

According to the young woman, Lopez came home drunk saying he was going to "beat her ass" before punching her and throwing her into a wall. "I was thinking to myself, 'I need to call 911, but how do I get him to stay in the house so he will be taken out in handcuffs,' and I just thought, 'Pizza!'" the woman told Inside Edition.

Simon Lopez, 56, was arrested by police and charged with misdemeanor domestic violence. Lopez also had a warrant out for failure to appear. "I thank him from the bottom of my heart," the woman said of Teneyck.


Simon Lopez was arrested and charged with domestic violence.via Inside Edition

The next day, Oregon Police Chief Mike Navarre praised Teneyck as well.

"He utilized his training and his experience to recognize that a woman was in distress," Navarre told NBC News. "We have no way of knowing what would have happened if she didn't get through."

After the incident, the dispatcher and police chief learned that some support groups teach people to report domestic violence surreptitiously to 911 by pretending to order Chinese food or pizza. When the operator says, "You have the wrong number," the person reporting the violence is supposed to say, "No."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

The practice was highlighted in the 2018 Super Bowl commercial ad by No More, an organization that raises awareness about domestic violence. When this dispatcher asks if it's a joke, she says, "No," so he asks if it's an emergency, and she says, "Yes." The ad concludes with a message: "When it's hard to talk, it's up to us to listen."

Navarre is using the call to train other dispatchers on how to realize if someone is in trouble and can't express it in words. "A good dispatcher is going to recognize that this is a person who wants to talk and needs help. That is exactly what happened here," he said. "Some dispatchers might hang up on this person, but it's worth a try to give it your best shot. That's what she did, and it worked out extremely well."

To get support, resources, and hope for anyone affected by domestic violence in the U.S. call 1.800.799-SAFE (7233).

This article originally appeared five years ago.

Megan Montgomery and Jason McIntosh on their wedding day

If you were to look at Megan Montgomery's Instagram account, you'd see a beautiful, smiling woman in the prime of her life, her youth and fitness the envy of women the world over. You'd even see some photos of her with her husband (#datenight), with comments saying things like "Aww, gorgeous couple!"

But beneath her picture-perfect feed was the story of a woman in an abusive relationship with her husband—one that would start with his arrest shortly after they got married, and end 10 months later with him shooting her to death in a parking lot. In a Facebook post, one of the people who was out with Megan the night of her murder detailed how her estranged husband had come to their table, put his hand on her neck and shoulder, and escorted her out of the building.


She went with him willingly, but anyone familiar with abusive relationships knows that "willingly" is a subjective term. He had reportedly threatened mass violence before. Perhaps she was trying to protect the people she was with. Perhaps staying felt more dangerous to her than going with him.

The couple reportedly had a volatile relationship from the start, and at one point both had restraining orders against the other. Regardless, she was killed by the man who had claimed to love her, an ex-cop who had been arrested for domestic violence and had been bailed out multiple times prior to that evening.

In April of 2021, McIntosh, pleaded guilty to murdering Montgomery. As part of the plea deal, he received a 30-year prison sentence.

"Megan began dying on July 23, 2017, on their first date," her mother, Susann Montgomery-Clark, said in court. "Like a frog in a pot of boiling water, you gradually turn up the heat to boiling and the frog doesn't know they're dying. That's what happened to Megan. That's what domestic violence does. Anyone who met her after their first date didn't know the real Megan that he destroyed long before he killed her."


Feminist News wrote the gist of Megan's story on Facebook, sharing photos from the couple's wedding to illustrate how invisible domestic violence can be to those outside of it. "THIS is the face of domestic violence," they wrote.


But what was perhaps most striking about the post was the deluge of comments from women describing their own experiences with domestic violence. Comment after comment explaining how a partner always made them think the abuse was their fault, how restraining orders were repeatedly violated, how they were charmed and loved into questioning whether the verbal abuse or physical violence was really that bad. Story after story of how they didn't see it coming, how slowly and insidiously it escalated, how terrifying it was to try to leave.

Those of us who have not been in abusive relationships don't always understand why people don't leave them. But the dynamics of abuse—the emotional manipulation, the gaslighting, the self-esteem destruction, the fear and shame—are well documented.

Unfortunately, those dynamics can prove deadly. Domestic violence murders have been on the rise in recent years, going up 19% between 2014 and 2017. And sadly, our justice system does not protect domestic violence survivors as well as it should.

Part of the challenge of prosecuting in domestic violence cases is that victims are not always willing to cooperate, either out of fear or shame or embarrassment, or unhealthy loyalty. According to some estimates, domestic violence victims recant their testimony up to 70% of the time. That's why some are pushing for evidence-based prosecution without requiring victim testimony, much like we try murder cases.


domestic violence, woman in fear, violence against women, domestic violence cases, violent husbands, sousal abuseA woman afraid for her life.via Canva/Photos

But some, like University of Maryland law professor Leah Goodmark, argue that pushing for more law enforcement hasn't proven to reduce domestic violence rates. Addressing issues of poverty, childhood trauma, attitudes toward gender equality, and other risk factors for domestic violence may be more effective by stopping violence before it starts.

While abuse happens to both men and women, women are more likely to be victims and much more likely to be murdered by a partner. Thankfully, there are many resources for domestic violence survivors to seek help, whether you're trying to determine if your relationship is abusive or trying to figure out if, when, and how to leave. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (www.thehotline.org or call 1−800−799−7233) has a wealth of information on domestic violence and what to do about it. The website even has a live chat where you can get your questions answered and receive assistance making a safety plan for you and your family.

If you are afraid of your partner or other loved one, there's something wrong. No one should live in fear of the people who are supposed to love them the most.

This article originally appeared six years ago.

Woman who stopped to use gas station bathroom stops kidnapping.

Pop culture jokes about "girl code" but there's truth to that positive stereotype. Women often look out for other women and are conditioned from a young age to do so. Everything from alerting a stranger if you saw their date slip something in their drink to passing toilet paper to the woman in the next stall are all unspoken parts of girl code. But there are some situations that put this protective layer of community to the test.

Recently in Utah an anonymous woman made a pitstop at a local gas station on her way home. The woman planned to pop in to use the bathroom quickly, but it turned into a situation where she came face to face with what could be a life threatening situation. Upon walking into the bathroom, another woman frantically opened the bathroom stall door, visibly terrified, and handed our anonymous hero a note written in broken English.

"Help [redacted]. Equinox 2017 white. My number [redacted]. He have my phone. Give to police," the handwritten note on torn cardboard reads on the front. The back of the note says, "we come from Vegas he goin Salt Lake."

gif of woman talkingSmall Town Ff GIF by Cruel SummerGiphy

The woman who only stopped to use the restroom asked the frightened woman if she was in trouble, to which the woman replied, "Yes." Instead of passing the information along to a store clerk and going about her way, the woman took it upon herself to help the stranger in distress. Turns out the distraught woman was kidnapped by her boyfriend who was waiting just feet outside the bathroom door, likely in an effort to ensure she didn't get away or call for help.

He didn't count on her finding something to write on and slipping it to a fellow woman in the bathroom. But thanks to her quick thinking along with the stranger's determination to intervene, help would soon be on the way. The anonymous woman didn't want to alert anyone for fear she might tip off the kidnapper, so she patiently waited for the woman and her captor outside before making her move.

gif of an animated policeman answering the phoneseason 13 hello GIFGiphy

When she saw the kidnapper leave the gas station with the victim, the woman pretended to be on the phone but was secretly recording the suspect. Not only did she get a clear video of his face along with the woman's face, she continued recording until she was able to get a visual on the license plate. It was then that she called the police to report what happened.

"As soon as I got the license plate number I called 911. I just said, there's a lady here that needs help," the anonymous woman told KSL News Utah.

The call didn't end the helpful stranger's pursuit of making sure the woman was safe. She hopped in her car and followed the pair at a safe distance while on the phone with dispatch until officers were able to pull the suspect over. The man was apprehended and charged with aggravated kidnapping, assault, and providing false information to a police officer. Thanks to the quick-thinking and determination of both women, the victim was saved from an unknown fate.

"It was kind of wild but I'm glad I was there. You know, it's good to be aware and try to help people in those situations," the anonymous woman tells the news station.

No one ever expects to be in this type of situation and hopefully anyone would do exactly what the anonymous hero did by helping a fellow person escape serious danger.

Pop Culture

Watch Miss Kansas call out her abuser in the audience during final pageant interview

"I took back my power—not just for myself, but for my dreams and everyone watching and listening."

Alexis Smith was crowned Miss Kansas in June 2024.

Domestic violence survivors are cheering on the winner of the Miss Kansas competition after she stood on stage and called out her abuser who showed up to the pageant.

Before Alexis Smith was chosen from 26 participants in the state competition on June 8, 2024 to represent Kansas in the 2025 Miss America contest, she was asked to speak on stage about her Reclaimed Respect initiative.

“My vision as the next Miss Kansas is to eliminate unhealthy and abusive relationships,” Smith said. “Matter of fact, some of you out in this audience saw me very emotional because my abuser is here today. But that’s not going to stop me from being on this Miss Kansas stage and from representing as the next Miss Kansas. Because I, and my community, deserve healthy relationships. We deserve a domestic [violence] free life.”

Watch:

@lexlex_smith

Respect Reclaimed is about reclaiming your power and standing firmly in it. On the night of Miss Kansas, my journey took an unexpected turn when someone I have been healing from tried to disrupt my peace. Instead of falling into silence, I chose to live out my vision for a better world. I took back my power—not just for myself, but for my dreams and everyone watching and listening. This isn't about shunning others; it's about turning our pain into purpose and channeling it in a way that unifies and uplifts. I'm ready to use my story, tools, and resources to end unhealthy relationships in all forms. My voice and advocacy will empower everyone to reclaim their own power in their own unique way. I might be small in stature, but I stand tall in strength, purpose, and power with hopes of inspiring others to do the same. #fyp #abuse #miss #misskansas #missamerica #pageant #awareness #me #relationship #respect #tiktok

In the video shared on TikTok, the new Miss Kansas wrote, "Respect Reclaimed is about reclaiming your power and standing firmly in it. On the night of Miss Kansas, my journey took an unexpected turn when someone I have been healing from tried to disrupt my peace. Instead of falling into silence, I chose to live out my vision for a better world. I took back my power—not just for myself, but for my dreams and everyone watching and listening."

She wrote that it wasn't about shunning anyone, but about "turning our pain into purpose and channeling it in a way that unifies and uplifts."

"I’m ready to use my story, tools, and resources to end unhealthy relationships in all forms," she wrote. "My voice and advocacy will empower everyone to reclaim their own power in their own unique way.

I might be small in stature, but I stand tall in strength, purpose, and power with hopes of inspiring others to do the same."

People who have experienced abuse themselves applauded her advocacy.

"As a victim of domestic violence I applaud you for speaking out!! I watched this 10 times!! I’m still getting bullied by his parents even with a no contact order. I plan on helping women like us as well."

"WHAT A WOMAN. This is absolutely incredible. From one survivor to another, I am SO SO proud of you for reclaiming this moment for yourself. You will do amazing things🫶🏽🫶🏽"

"Incredibly brave of you. You just made a statement for all women. I appreciate you so much."

"As an old survivor…I’m so damn PROUD OF YOU!! Love, A Stranger💚"

"We got to see you ACTIVELY showcasing your platform LIVE IN PERSON! My upmost respect to you Miss Alexis. This is beyond any crown, I cannot wait to watch your journey. As someone who grew up around domestic violence, I have chills watching you. You will always have a supporter in me.💖 You absolutely ate that. 👑"

"YAS GIRL! As a fellow survivor, you are an inspiration and I’m so proud of you for using your voice and showing your strength."

According to The Wichita Eagle, Smith uses her 19 years of experience as a ventriloquist to teach kids about healthy relationships with puppets as part of her Reclaimed Respect initiative. She also works full-time as a cardiothoracic ICU nurse.


This article originally appeared last year.