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Dear Husband,

If I sat here and tried to list all the things I love about you, I might never finish this letter. My fingers would be bleeding from typing for so long.


Instead, I’m going to take a moment to thank you for all the things that you are not, all the things you don’t do, the things you could never be.

Doesn’t sound like much of a thank you, does it? Bear with me.

You aren’t my dream come true. In my dreams, my man would never falter. He would meet all my needs before I knew I what I needed. He’d always know what to do and say and how to take care of everything. On bad days, when I’m at my worst or when the kids are getting on my nerves or when everything seems to go wrong, I’d rather have you because you’re real.

You don’t have the all the answers because no one does. You don’t have infinite patience for when I’m being unreasonable. You don’t love everything I do because not everything I do is lovable! If you were always dreamy, imagine all the pressure that would put on both of us! Thank you for being genuine, human, flawed, and most importantly, for never even trying to pretend that our life is like living in a dream.

Thank you for never trying to be a “knight in shining armor.”

All photos via iStock.

I love that you know when to don your armor and fight beside me. And I love even more that you know when it’s my job to slay my dragons alone. There are battles in life that we are meant to fight by ourselves, and I’m glad you never rob me of the opportunity to hone my own strength and gain wisdom from a tough battle. If you were my knight, would I know how to fight for myself? Would I feel like I always needed you to rescue me? Would I ever want to be that weak?

I love that you know when to don your armor and fight beside me.

We’ve both heard over and over that you should never settle for anyone. We’ve heard that to have a great relationship, the things that are important to you should be important to your partner, too.

Well, I’m glad we settled for each other.

You crank your stereo up when you’re alone in your car and you love going to concerts, yet you settled for a woman who can’t stand loud music. You’ve settled for someone who wakes up at the crack of dawn even though you prefer to stay up late at night. I’ve settled for someone who hates the beach even though it’s one of my favorite places. You, an Italian-American from New York, settled for someone who thinks pasta and bread are not a big deal. I, the avid reader, settled for you, who rarely cracks open a book. Imagine the passion, excitement, lust, joy, adventure, and contentment we would have missed had we decided we could not settle for one another.

When I was a little girl, I thought that “happily ever after” might actually exist, even though I never saw it in real life.

I’m glad you don’t try to make me happy every single day. Thank you for being smart enough to know that it’s not your job to make me happy. If I couldn’t find happiness within myself, nothing you do or say could instantly turn me into a happy woman. You’ve spared me from failed attempts at cheering me up or sweeping me off my feet during times when I just need a few minutes to cool down. I’m glad your life isn’t dedicated to making me smile all the damn time because a life of nothing but smiles is not a real life. I’m glad you don’t constantly compliment me/encourage me/inspire me/esteem me and that you don’t make me feel like I’m the center of your world every single day.

Thank you for being smart enough to know that it’s not your job to make me happy.

Don’t you think we would miss out on some amazing make-up sex if you were so perfect that we never got into a fight? We’d be so good at pretending to be happy that we wouldn’t know what real happiness felt like. I’ll take the life that we have and all of its challenges, victories, and struggles over a futile attempt at nonstop happiness any day.

I know that you will almost always be here when I need you, but since you’re not a mind reader, sometimes I will have to ask. Grief, strife, fear, and disappointment will make both of us fall short for one another once in awhile. Thank you for always taking care of yourself first. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be able to care for me during times when I really need you. And even though you’ll never tell me everything I need to hear (again, because you’re not a mind reader), if I look closely enough, I can see your love, appreciation, and admiration for me in so many things that you do.

I’m glad you threw the fairy tale away long before you met me.

And there’s no one else in this sometimes crazy, sometimes dreary, sometimes beautiful, sometimes ugly world I’d rather have by my side. While it’s fun to share our dreams, discuss our fantasies, and pretend that little problems don’t exist from time to time, I don’t know if I could enjoy reality with any other person as much as I enjoy it with you.

Joy

Nurse turns inappropriate things men say in the delivery room into ‘inspirational’ art

"Can you move to the birthing ball so I can sleep in the bed?"

Holly the delivery nurse.

After working six years as a labor and delivery nurse Holly, 30, has heard a lot of inappropriate remarks made by men while their partners are in labor. “Sometimes the moms think it’s funny—and if they think it’s funny, then I’ll laugh with them,” Holly told TODAY Parents. “But if they get upset, I’ll try to be the buffer. I’ll change the subject.”

Some of the comments are so wrong that she did something creative with them by turning them into “inspirational” quotes and setting them to “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton on TikTok.

“Some partners are hard to live up to!” she jokingly captioned the video.

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All images provided by Adewole Adamson

It begins with more inclusive conversations at a patient level

True

Adewole Adamson, MD, of the University of Texas, Austin, aims to create more equity in health care by gathering data from more diverse populations by using artificial intelligence (AI), a type of machine learning. Dr. Adamson’s work is funded by the American Cancer Society (ACS), an organization committed to advancing health equity through research priorities, programs and services for groups who have been marginalized.

Melanoma became a particular focus for Dr. Adamson after meeting Avery Smith, who lost his wife—a Black woman—to the deadly disease.

melanoma,  melanoma for dark skin Avery Smith (left) and Adamson (sidenote)

This personal encounter, coupled with multiple conversations with Black dermatology patients, drove Dr. Adamson to a concerning discovery: as advanced as AI is at detecting possible skin cancers, it is heavily biased.

To understand this bias, it helps to first know how AI works in the early detection of skin cancer, which Dr. Adamson explains in his paper for the New England Journal of Medicine (paywall). The process uses computers that rely on sets of accumulated data to learn what healthy or unhealthy skin looks like and then create an algorithm to predict diagnoses based on those data sets.

This process, known as supervised learning, could lead to huge benefits in preventive care.

After all, early detection is key to better outcomes. The problem is that the data sets don’t include enough information about darker skin tones. As Adamson put it, “everything is viewed through a ‘white lens.’”

“If you don’t teach the algorithm with a diverse set of images, then that algorithm won’t work out in the public that is diverse,” writes Adamson in a study he co-wrote with Smith (according to a story in The Atlantic). “So there’s risk, then, for people with skin of color to fall through the cracks.”

Tragically, Smith’s wife was diagnosed with melanoma too late and paid the ultimate price for it. And she was not an anomaly—though the disease is more common for White patients, Black cancer patients are far more likely to be diagnosed at later stages, causing a notable disparity in survival rates between non-Hispanics whites (90%) and non-Hispanic blacks (66%).

As a computer scientist, Smith suspected this racial bias and reached out to Adamson, hoping a Black dermatologist would have more diverse data sets. Though Adamson didn’t have what Smith was initially looking for, this realization ignited a personal mission to investigate and reduce disparities.

Now, Adamson uses the knowledge gained through his years of research to help advance the fight for health equity. To him, that means not only gaining a wider array of data sets, but also having more conversations with patients to understand how socioeconomic status impacts the level and efficiency of care.

“At the end of the day, what matters most is how we help patients at the patient level,” Adamson told Upworthy. “And how can you do that without knowing exactly what barriers they face?”

american cancer society, skin cacner treatment"What matters most is how we help patients at the patient level."https://www.kellydavidsonstudio.com/

The American Cancer Society believes everyone deserves a fair and just opportunity to prevent, find, treat, and survive cancer—regardless of how much money they make, the color of their skin, their sexual orientation, gender identity, their disability status, or where they live. Inclusive tools and resources on the Health Equity section of their website can be found here. For more information about skin cancer, visit cancer.org/skincancer.

The mesmerizing lost art of darning knit fabric.

For most of human history, people had to make their own clothing by hand, and sewing skills were subsequently passed down from generation to generation. Because clothing was so time-consuming and labor-intensive to make, people also had to know how to repair clothing items that got torn or damaged in some way.

The invention of sewing and knitting machines changed the way we acquire clothing, and the skills people used to possess have largely gone by the wayside. If we get a hole in a sock nowadays, we toss it and replace it. Most of us have no idea how to darn a sock or fix a hole in any knit fabric. It's far easier for us to replace than to repair.

But there are still some among us who do have the skills to repair clothing in a way that makes it look like the rip, tear or hole never happened, and to watch them do it is mesmerizing.

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Pop Culture

Artist uses AI to create ultra realistic portraits of celebrities who left us too soon

What would certain icons look like if nothing had happened to them?

Mercury would be 76 today.

Some icons have truly left this world too early. It’s a tragedy when anyone doesn’t make it to see old age, but when it happens to a well-known public figure, it’s like a bit of their art and legacy dies with them. What might Freddie Mercury have created if he were granted the gift of long life? Bruce Lee? Princess Diana?

Their futures might be mere musings of our imagination, but thanks to a lot of creativity (and a little tech) we can now get a glimpse into what these celebrities might have looked like when they were older.

Alper Yesiltas, an Istanbul-based lawyer and photographer, created a photography series titled “As If Nothing Happened,” which features eerily realistic portraits of long gone celebrities in their golden years. To make the images as real looking as possible, Yesiltas incorporated various photo editing programs such as Adobe Lightroom and VSCO, as well as the AI photo-enhancing software Remini.

“The hardest part of the creative process for me is making the image feel ‘real’ to me,” Yesiltas wrote about his passion project. “The moment I like the most is when I think the image in front of me looks as if it was taken by a photographer.”

Yesiltas’ meticulousness paid off, because the results are uncanny.

Along with each photo, Yesiltas writes a bittersweet message “wishing” how things might have gone differently … as if nothing happened.
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