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A psychologist explains Trump's lack of conscience and warns of what a 2nd term would bring

A psychologist explains Trump's lack of conscience and warns of what a 2nd term would bring
Public Domain/Elizabeth Mika/Twitter

The president of the United States is not insane—probably. He is not mentally ill—probably. His word salads and boorish, bullying behavior aren't explained by a psychological disorder that could be treated with medication or therapy—unfortunately.

All signs seem to point to President Trump having a personality disorder, which is actually far, far more troubling. Personality disorders are virtually untreatable, meaning his poor character qualities are baked into who he is. It cannot be altered and will not change.

This is not news to many of us, of course. But it's an important thing to understand, as the president of the United States continues to hold superspreader events in the middle of an uncontrolled pandemic and as we careen toward the most consequential election of our lifetime.



Elizabeth Mika is one of dozens of psychologists who publicly raised a red flag when Trump first announced his run for the presidency. Reading her essays from pre-election 2016, it's almost spooky how well she nailed who Trump is, how he operates, why his base loves him, why the GOP pivoted to support him, and why the rest of us are left disturbed and frustrated by both him and his cult-like following. It's part of the president's pathology and what happens when someone like him gains power.

"My opinion, based on observations of his behavior, public accounts from his family and associates, and all the information we have about his developmental and relational history, is that he is a malignant narcissist." Mika tells Upworthy.

"Malignant narcissism is the extreme end of the narcissistic spectrum," she explains. "It is a condition comprised of psychopathy, sadism, manipulativeness, and paranoia, in addition to narcissism. The term, not found in DSM, was coined by Erich Fromm who considered malignant narcissism the most dangerous form of psychopathology known to humankind. Narcissistic psychopathy may also apply. I use these terms interchangeably, although malignant narcissism encompasses a greater range of clinical manifestations."

Mika says that there may be other issues present, but the core of who Trump is is based in his "lack of conscience (psychopathy)" and his "unusual ego fragility that manifests in his insatiable need for adulation (narcissism)."

"By the way, this is a character defect and not a mental illness," Mika adds. "It is fixed (unchangeable), permanent, and incurable. It is who he is. The defect, to be precise, is chiefly his missing conscience, which makes him incapable of empathy, guilt, and shame, unable to experience higher level feelings, and understand and respect higher values. We may not need clinical labels if I understand that this last sentence defines Trump's character."

Having grown up in post-WWII Soviet-occupied Poland, Mika has a unique perspective on the president and the threat his narcissistic psychopathy poses to the nation. She has lived in the U.S. since 1987, but Mika says her upbringing sensitized her to authoritarian regimes. "I have noticed that people who grew up in oppressive regimes, as well as victims of narcissistic abuse, were the first to raise alarms about Trump's presidency." she says.

One weird feature of the Trump era is that for millions of us, this assessment of Trump might best be summed up as "Well, duh." His pathology is glaringly, painfully obvious. Even if it's refreshing to see it laid out so clearly, none of it is surprising. And yet, for millions of others, hearing that the leader of our country is missing a conscience makes no difference. The worse he behaves, the more his base salivates.

Mika has an explanation for that as well.

"There are many people, of course, who don't see anything wrong with Trump," she says. "On the contrary, they adore those traits that we see as pathological and believe that they make him a great leader. They elect him because his pathological character traits best suit their agendas, namely the destruction of the existing socio-political structure and their 'enemies'—typically The Others—whom they blame for their life failures."

"As I write in 'Trumpian Victory,' she continues, "Trumpism is about rage and revenge: rage that stems from aggrieved entitlement, but also from the very real wounds, and the revenge on those who are seen, mostly erroneously, as responsible for those wounds...Malignant politicians will steer people's anger away from themselves and other responsible parties, and blame it on easy, vulnerable scapegoats—immigrants, refugees, minorities, women, eternal Others."

In her writings, Mika also talks about "collective narcissism" and "narcissistic collusion" to explain the bond between Trump and his base, who see in him a way to fulfill their own dreams and wishes.

"He makes them promises that he cannot and does not intend to keep, but it does not matter," she says. "What matters is maintaining the shared illusion of their glory, future prosperity, greatness, and scapegoating The Others for their misery—the last one an absolutely necessary component of the malignantly narcissistic leader's appeal."

In "Trumpian Victory"—which she wrote in July of 2016—Mika explained the cult-like qualities that some Trump supporters exhibit:

"Narcissistic leaders and their followers fit together like hand and glove, as their pathological needs become enmeshed, to everyone's detriment. The leader obtains thousands of mirrors to reflect his glory, an open and ongoing line of narcissistic supply that feeds his insatiable desire for adulation and power, at least for some time; and his followers receive The Ideal to emulate, which, via emotional identification, patches up their inner wounds and makes them feel whole, if only for a while. In this state of heightened narcissistic collusion that suspends reason and conscience, anything, no matter how unrealistic or vile, becomes possible and necessary, including a bloodbath or several."

Many of us feel like we barely recognize what our society and political life look like in the Trump era. We've seen people we thought were smart fall into deep wells of disinformation, we've watched norms and institutions and checks and balances crumble before our eyes, and we struggle to make sense of it all. Mika explains that this as the predictable path of a pathological president.

"Once these characterologically defective individuals assume power," she says, "their unaddressed pathology is normalized—because normal people are either hesitant to talk about it and/or don't see and understand what it happening—gradually taking over and reshaping the entire system (organization, country) according to their primitive, valueless, transactional view of the world and relationships. In pathocracy, truth is erased, norms are destroyed, and propaganda turns reality upside down. When pathocracy is led by a malignantly narcissistic leader, as it is usually the case, the society and its institutions are perverted into vehicles of meeting his primitive needs for power and self-aggrandizement."

So what does this mean for a second term, if Trump happens to win on Tuesday?

"It would be the end of America as we know it," Mika says bluntly. "A full blown reign of pathocracy of the kind that we are already seeing at work in the Trumpian unreality fueled by lies, grandiose boasts, rage directed at The Others—immigrants, minorities, political opponents—and wide-ranging incitements of violence, which would become policy as well. Trump's second term will be oriented toward revenge on his critics, solidifying his power, padding his pockets, and destroying the last remnants of the institutions that stand in his way to absolute power."

Mika described the psychology of that process in her essay, Tyranny as a Triumph of Narcissism that was published in the book "The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump."

Why have we not seen more focus on the president's obviously dangerous pathologies? Many psychologists have been reticent to speak publicly due to the "Goldwater Rule," which says that it is unethical for a psychiatrist to offer a professional opinion about a person's mental health unless they have conducted an examination and been granted proper authorization for such a statement.

"It is a reasonable rule, protecting both patients and psychiatrists," says Mika, "but it is not set in stone, obviously. And in our situation, where the nation has been beset with the mentally unsound leader, the rule has been viewed more as a gag order, against which many have rebelled anyway."

"We have a pathological president whose character defect is the defining feature of everything that happens in our political life today, and that includes our botched COVID response that has resulted in so much needless death and suffering," says Mika. "Pretending that these problems—namely, Trump's psychopathology—do not exist is an insult to our decency and common sense."

"Such denial is, however, a predictable mechanism in the spread of pathocracy—the rule of people without a functioning conscience (psychopaths, narcissists, and their ilk)," she adds. "And pathocracy is upon us, which is why silence is not an acceptable response from those who see what has been taking place around us."

As grim as that may sound, Mika is hopeful about the future.

"One major reason I started to write about Trump and Trumpism in 2016 was to warn that 1. Yes, he would be elected, and 2. Once elected, he would destroy America as we know it. He would not pivot, as some hoped, nor surround himself with good advisors and other such self-serving futile tales passed around during that time." (Like I said, she nailed him from the get-go.)

"However," she says, "I am more optimistic now than I was in 2016 when I wrote about what was to come for us under Trump. Those things did come, of course, and the nearest future will be very difficult, but my optimism comes from the belief—knowledge, even—that our developmental trajectory as a species is trending toward realization of higher values. Slowly, and with scary detours, but surely. It is a process of positive disintegration. Our task here, on this planet, is to transform pain and suffering into compassion and love, and this is more clear, to me, now than it was in 2016. Thus the greater optimism, despite the darkness on our horizon."

"Trump's presidency is a necessary confrontation with our shadow," says Mika, "which allows us to see ourselves more truthfully, and thus unleashes the forces needed for healing and transformation. The surge of new voters we are seeing now alone is a sign of the change spurred on by Trumpism."

We know what we're looking at. We've seen what psychologists warned us about play out, and we see it continuing to play out in Trump's rhetoric and rallies.

"We have now this opportunity to become aware of the deep psychological processes working in and through us and thus change them," Mika says. We can only change things of which we are conscious. This is our chance.

Family

Naming twins is an art. Here are some twin names people say are the best they've ever heard.

With twins, all the regular pressures of having a baby are doubled, including choosing a name.

Are you in favor of rhyming twin names? Or is it too cutesy?

Having twins means double the fun, and double the pressure. It’s a fairly known rule to name twins in a way that honors their unique bond, but that can lead to overly cutesy pairings that feel more appropriate for nursery rhyme characters than actual people. Plus, it’s equally important for the names to acknowledge each twin’s individuality. Again, these are people—not a matching set of dolls. Finding the twin baby name balance is easier said than done, for sure.

Luckily, there are several ways to do this. Names can be linked by style, sound or meaning, according to the baby name website Nameberry. For example, two names that share a classic style would be Elizabeth and Edward, whereas Ione and Lionel share a similar rhythm. And Frederica and Milo seem to share nothing in common, but both mean “peaceful.”

Over on the /NameNerds subreddit, one person asked folks to share their favorite twin name pairings, and the answers did not disappoint.

One person wrote “Honestly, for me it’s hard to beat the Rugrats combo of Phillip and Lillian (Phil and Lil) 💕”

A few parents who gave their twin’s names that didn’t inherently rhyme until nicknames got involved:

"It's the perfect way! Christmas cards can be signed cutely with matching names, but when they act out you can still use their full name without getting tripped up.😂"

"The parents of a good friend of mine did this: her name is Allison and her sister is Callie. Their names don’t match on the surface, but they were Alli and Callie at home."

“Alice and Celia, because they’re anagrams! Sound super different but have a not-so-obvious implicit connection.”

This incited an avalanche of other anagram ideas: Aidan and Nadia, Lucas and Claus, Liam and Mila, Noel and Leon, Ira and Ria, Amy and May, Ira and Ari, Cole and Cleo…even Alice, Celia, and Lacie for triplets.

Others remembered name pairs that managed to sound lovely together without going into cutesy territory.

twin names, twins, babies, baby namesThese matching bunny ears though. Photo credit: Canva

“I know twin toddler boys named Charlie and Archie and they go so well together,” one person commented.

Another wrote, “Tamia and Aziza. I love how they follow the same sound pattern with the syllable endings (-uh, -ee, -uh) without being obnoxiously matchy matchy.”

Still another said, “Lucy and Logan, fraternal girl/boy twins. I think the names sound so nice together, and definitely have the same 'vibe' and even though they have the same first letter they aren't too matchy-matchy.”

Other honorable mentions included: Colton and Calista, Caitlin and Carson, Amaya and Ameera, Alora and Luella, River and Rosie, and Eleanor and Elias.

One person cast a vote for shared style names, saying, “If I had twins, I would honestly just pick two different names that I like separately. I tend to like classic names, so I’d probably pick Daniel and Benjamin for boys. For girls my two favorites right now are Valerie and Tessa. I think Val and Tess would be cute together!”

Overall though, it seems that most folks were fans of names that focused on shared meaning over shared sound. Even better if there’s a literary or movie reference thrown in there.

twin names, twins, babies, baby namesMany adult twins regret that their names are so closely linked together. Photo credit: Canva

“My mom works in insurance, so I asked her. She’s seen a lot of unique ones, but the only twins she remembers are Gwenivere [sic] and Lancelot... bonus points... little brother was Merlin,” one person recalled.

Another shared, “If I had twin girls, I would name them Ada and Hedy for Ada Lovelace and Hedy Lamarr, both very early computer/tech pioneers. Not that I’m that into tech, I just thought it was a brilliant combination.”

Other great ones: Susan and Sharon (think the original “Parent Trap”), Clementine and Cara (types of oranges), Esme and Etienne (French descent), Luna and Stella (moon and stars), Dawn and Eve, plus various plant pairings like Lily and Fern, Heather and Holly, and Juniper and Laurel.

Perhaps the cleverest name pairing goes to “Aubrey and Zoe,” since…wait for it… “they’re A to Z.”

It’s easy to see how naming twins really is a cool opportunity for parents to get creative and intentional with their baby naming. It might be a challenge, sure, but the potential reward is having the most iconic set of twins ever. Totally worth it!


This article originally appeared last year.

via Twins Trust / Twitter

Twins born from different dads.

Twins born with separate fathers are rare in the human population. Although there isn't much known about heteropaternal superfecundation—as it's known in the scientific community—a study published in The Guardian says that about one in every 400 sets of fraternal twins has different fathers.

This can happen the "natural" way if a woman releases two eggs during her menstrual cycle and then has intercourse with two different men within a short span of time. This could result in both eggs being fertilized by a different man. Both fertilizations would have to occur within 12 to 24 hours. But in this story, it happened due to a bit of modern science.

Simon and Graeme Berney-Edwards, a gay married couple, from London, England both wanted to be the biological father of their first child. "We couldn't decide on who would be the biological father," Simon told The Daily Mail. "Graeme said it should be me, but I said that he had just as much right as I did."

The only way to make it happen would be to have twins through in vitro fertilization. But they would have to find a doctor who would implant embryos from separate fathers in the same surrogate. They knew it wouldn't happen in England, so they looked for a doctor and surrogate mother in a different country.

"I saw Simon and Graeme's profile on a surrogacy website and I thought they had lovely smiles," Meg Stone, the Canadian soon-to-be surrogate, said. "I had recently split with my partner, and I wasn't ready for another baby, so I wanted to help someone."

Simon Berney-Edwards, Graeme Berney-Edwards, Meg Stone, surrogate parents, same-sex parents The coule and their surrogate.via Meg Seroski-Stone / Facebook


Meg was already a mother of two children, Jeffrey, 12, and Max, five. The couple flew out to Los Angeles, where they both fertilized eggs from an anonymous donor. Then, they journeyed to Canada, where they met with Meg to be sure she was the perfect fit. "We were nervous at the beginning—in case that we didn't click with her. But we needn't have worried," Simon said.

Six months later, one fertilized embryo of Simon's and one embryo of Graeme's were inserted into Meg's womb. The couple spent a stressful week hoping both embryos would take. They were afraid that one of the fathers' embryos would work, the other wouldn't, and they'd have to eventually go through the same process again.

"She FaceTimed us from the scanning room. First of all, we saw one heartbeat, and our stomachs clenched with nerves," Simon said. "Then we saw the other heartbeat. Graeme and I just hugged each other," he continued. "We were just over the moon. We were both going to be dads—she was pregnant with both of our babies."

The couple kept in close touch with Meg over the coming weeks and flew back to Canada for her 19-week scan. The two proud fathers-to-be were delighted to touch her belly and feel their babies kicking inside the womb. At 31 weeks, Meg was in pain and thought she was about to go into labor. So the two men quickly packed their bags and flew to Canada.

"We dashed to the hospital when we arrived, to find out it was a false alarm," Simon said. "We were just so relieved that she and the babies were fine." The couple remained in Canada, and five weeks later, Meg gave birth to Calder and Alexandra Berney Edwards.

"It was the most amazing experience of our lives," Simon said. "Alexandra was born first and then Calder arrived minutes later. "When we both held them for the first time, we couldn't believe that we were both daddies," he added. "It was a long way to go and do this, but it was worth it to both be able to have fathered one of the twins each."

"Calder was the double of Graeme, and Alexandra was the image of me," Simon said. The couple remained in Canada for seven more weeks before they could take their newborns home. Then, they hopped on a plane and returned to England. But sadly, they had to leave a new member of their family behind.

"It was sad to say goodbye to Meg, When we brought them home for the first time, it was just incredible," Simon said. "Since then, they have gone from strength to strength. They are doing so well and hitting all their milestones." The twins recently celebrated their first birthday, and the fathers flew Meg out to celebrate with them. "Simon and Graeme are like brothers to me now," Meg said. "They call me the twins 'Tummy Mummy' which I love."


Simon Berney-Edwards, Graeme Berney-Edwards, Meg Stone, surrogate parents, same-sex parents Simon, Greame and their babies.via LGBT News World


This story originally appeared five years ago.

Popular

Millennial dad of 3 shuts down boomer parents for their 'ridiculous' holiday expectations

"Why is it that every time I have to make the effort for you, yet you can't do the most basic thing for me?”

A Millennial dad has had it with his boomer dad's expectations.

A TikTok video posted by @carrerasfam is going viral, with over 300,000 views, because so many millennial parents can relate. In the video, a husband politely but firmly tells his “practically retired” baby boomer dad that he’s not taking his 3 young kids on a 400-mile drive to their house for the holidays.

Carerras Fam is a popular TikTok page about “all things postpartum and mamahood.” The husband opens the conversation with his dad by explaining all the inconveniences of taking 3 young kids on a long road trip. “I know you want us to drive down for the holidays, but it's kinda ridiculous that you want me to pack my 3 kids with their portable beds with my clothes, their clothes, the formula, everything that goes on with raising 3 kids and having them feel comfortable. Drive down for over four hours just so that we could spend some time in your house?” the husband says.

@carrerasfam

Sorry it’s just so much work. But you’re welcome to visit us #millennial #millennials #parents #parenting #parentsontiktok #boomers #millennials

It’s obviously inconvenient for the couple to pack up their kids and drive 4 hours, but it’s also unsafe because the house is not baby-proof. "I'm gonna have to run around, make sure that they don't break any of your stuff, and which you will take care of them,” the husband continues using sarcastic air quotes.

The dad brings up another great point: His parents are in good health, so why don’t they drive to their house? “You could visit. You don't have little kids,” the dad continues. “You don't have anything going on.

"Why is it that every time I have to make the effort for you, yet you can't do the most basic thing for me?”

It’s clear from the phone call the dad understands that traveling with the kids and staying in a house that isn’t correctly set up for young kids will make the holiday a struggle. Instead of making memories, they’ll most likely be running around bent over trying to save their kids from breaking something or hanging out at Target buying electrical socket plugs and a bottle brush because they left theirs at home.



The video struck a chord with many millennial parents.

“First holiday with a kid… parents are confused why I won’t drive 9 hours with a 3mnth old for Christmas,” too_many_catz writes. “The ‘not baby proofed’ part hit my soullllllll. It’s so stressful having to chase your kids around and ask to close doors, move pictures, block stairs, etc. And nobody takes you seriously!" OhHeyItsIndy added.

It’s also expensive for young families to travel. “Add to it they want us to spend money on gas, airfare, etc. when we live paycheck to paycheck and rent while they own homes and live comfortably off a pension,” another user wrote.

This one hit hard: “They always act like you're asking the world of them, yet they will willingly go on any other vacation that they choose,” Mackenzie Byrne wrote.

TX Travel Chick may have hit the nail on the head with her explanation for why boomer parents expect their children to road trip it to their house for the holidays. “Because we are used to following their orders!!! REVOLT,” she wrote.

Ultimately, it would be interesting to learn why boomer parents want to inconvenience their kids when it would be much easier for them to take a trip to see them, especially if they can afford a hotel. One wonders if they are being entitled or if they’ve forgotten how hard it is to travel with young kids.

This article originally appeared last year.

The ultimate father-daughter duet.

If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that we're living in a very, very mad world right now. Listening to the lyrics of the song "Mad World," it has perhaps never felt more fitting.

All around me are familiar faces

Worn out places, worn out faces

Bright and early for their daily races

Going nowhere, going nowhere

Umm, yeah. Going nowhere indeed. And it just gets more apropos:

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head, I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

Oof. Le sigh.

Tears for Fears front man Curt Smith and his daughter, Diva, performed the the song on YouTube, and it's gorgeous. Frankly, Diva is the one who steals the show, as it takes an immediately impressive turn when she pipes in with her perfect harmony.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Just beautiful.

"Her harmonizing tho. It sends shivers down my spine. It needn't be better," one viewer wrote.

Another gushed. "As a father to daughters, I love this. As a musician, I love this. As a Tears for Fears fan, I love this. As a person with ears connected to my brain with a beating heart, I love this."

Oddly enough, the version they sing is actually a cover of a cover of an original Tears for Fears song. The original Tears for Fears version from 1982 had a quicker tempo and techno beat. It wasn't until the song was covered by Gary Jules and Michael Andrews for the 2001 movie Donnie Darko that the song became the haunting ballad we're most familiar with.

As for Diva, she has followed in her father's footsteps, crafting her own career as a singer songwriter. Below is a snippet from one of her most recent singles, titled “I Can See in the Dark”


She also has plenty of solo covers, like this one of "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry. Honestly, Diva makes it so much her own, you can barely recognize it.

It might be a mad world we're livin' in, but it's not without talented artists to make something beautiful of all the madness.

This article originally appeared five years ago.

Reflecting on life's closed doors.

Many of us feel invincible when we are young, believing we can control the aging process so that we’ll always stay forever young, as Bob Dylan once sang. But there’s a moment when everyone realizes aging is an inevitable process and that, eventually, we will have to deal with a slow decline in our physical and, quite possibly, mental capabilities.

This realization and understanding that we won’t be here forever can profoundly change one’s perspective on life. Even though aging is inevitable, studies show how we think about the process can significantly impact our longevity. People with a positive view of aging live an average of 7.5 years longer than those without.

Things happen as we age that are impossible to describe to younger people. However, a group of Redditors did an excellent job of explaining the truths about aging that they were not “prepared” for in a recent thread that made a lot of people feel seen. A user named sofiagympixie asked the AskReddit forum, “What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?” and it received over 2,700 responses.

A big takeaway is that many people feel like they stop mentally aging at a certain point, usually in their late 20s. Still, the continued physical aging they experience makes them feel like they cannot relate to the person in the mirror.

Here are 17 of the most profound responses to the question: What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?

1. There is an end

"You start to realize the older you get that the end is closer than the beginning and you still feel like you have so much more to do."

"That moment where you start to get a sense that there is an end."

aging, ageism, anti-aging, growing older, ask old people, aging parens, ask reddit, turning 60 Photo credit: Canva

2. It takes energy to keep everything afloat

"No one prepared me for how much energy and time it takes to maintain everything—like health, relationships, and just staying organized. It’s way more work than I expected!"

3. Mind/body detachment

"How your mind stays young while your body starts to slow down. You still feel like the same person you’ve always been, but suddenly you notice little things changing."

"This was such a surprise to me. I really expected to feel psychologically older as I aged. But physically, oh my body has betrayed me... Eyes... hair (gray, but at least I still have it)... back... knees... hips... prostate."

4. The past feels closer than it is

"When you get a flashback of a good memory and you realize that was over 10 years ago."

"When I told my daughter about something I did 24 years ago, I had to pause for a moment."

Time flies isn't just a saying. Psychologists agree that our minds lump time together based on novel experiences. When we are older, the days are a lot more similar than when we were young children. That's why when you're 80, time moves a lot faster than it did when you were 8.

aging, ageism, anti-aging, growing older, ask old people, aging parens, ask reddit, turning 60 Photo credit: Canva

5. Stuck in the wrong time

"I’m 61, and sometimes I feel like this world is not for me anymore. I feel almost like an imposter. For example, I can’t find clothes I like that fit correctly, TV is abhorrent, only old music sounds pleasant, shoes are uncomfortable, I don’t recognize most celebrities or famous people in the news or tabloids, and I don’t understand the need for most new and supposedly exciting products. I’m an educated person, I still work and have an active life. I’m not a recluse. But a little at a time, I feel the world is moving on without me. I finally understand why, in her final years, my mother only watched movies from the 1950s and reminisced about the past more than she talked about the present. Her world was long gone."

6. You lose friends

"If you choose not to have kids, you may end up losing your friends. I turn 40 this year, and my partner and I don't see many folks these days. Parents like to hang out with other parents. And I don't have a grudge, I totally see the value for playdates, etc. But it can be a little lonely."

"To be fair, I have 2 kids and lost a lot of friends because we simply don’t have the time/energy to connect regularly enough to maintain a healthy friendship. It instead falls into an awkward acquaintance stage where enough time passes between communication, and you’re not sure if reaching out to connect comes across weird."

7. Your parents are aging, too

"It's not just you who is getting old. Your parents are getting even older."

"I feel this. Lost my mom 2 weeks before my 21st birthday. 40 now with 2 kids. I get angry/sad at a lot of milestones like my wedding and kids' stuff ‘cause my mom was robbed of them, and I was robbed of her."

aging, ageism, anti-aging, growing older, ask old people, aging parens, ask reddit, turning 60 Photo credit: Canva

8. Time wasted caring about other people's opinions

"It’s so freeing when that old twinge of 'why don’t they like me' pops up, and then I remember that I can not be bothered by that anymore, and magically, I don’t care!"

"Just wasting time in general. No thanks. I want to do as many things as possible!"

9. Your friends die

"Your friends start to die. It's something I never thought about."

10. Time flies

"Man. I don’t even feel like the days are long anymore. I just keep blinking and the weeks go by."

"Yup, wake up, eat breakfast, do a couple things. Wait, it’s lunch already? Eat lunch, do a couple more things, time to prep dinner. Eat dinner, clean up, fix a few things, it’s 9 pm. I guess it’s almost time to get ready for bed? This times 10,000 for me."

11. The monotony sets in

"You will realize that you hate planning meals and making food every single day. It's boring, and it's too easy to fall into monotony. But you have to make lunch again and then plan for dinner again then make dinner again and what do you want to eat tomorrow so you plan for breakfast tomorrow and get up and make breakfast again and then plan for lunch again...."

12. You become invisible to much of society

"I wondered what felt off the last year. Gen Z is everywhere now, and I'm still asking myself when that happened."


aging, ageism, anti-aging, growing older, ask old people, aging parens, ask reddit, turning 60 Photo credit: Canva

13. Adults aren't real

"When you're a kid, you can't wait to 'grow up,' and then you do, and you're still you, just older. That voice inside your head doesn't change, but what you see in the mirror does. Only now you're just older and saddled with bills and stress and all of life's 'surprises.' On top of this, everyone is winging it. Absolutely everyone. Because the idea of order and a civilized society is an illusion. We're all playing by made up rules and making imaginary money and all the rest of it. A one-dollar bill costs just as much to print as a hundred-dollar bill."

14. Priorities change

"Things that seemed so important when you were younger, really are not important."

15. Younger people's reverence

"I'm middle-aged, and a funny thing is how younger people get self-conscious or apologize when there is no need. For example, they will apologize for swearing around me or mentioning something like (gasp) drinking, or drugs, or sleeping around. I think it's funny. Why would being on earth longer make me easier to scandalize? I've seen and done things that would shock them, lol, but to them I'm a very proper-looking classy older lady."

16. Ageism

"Doors start closing once you reach a certain age."

"Ageism is real. I just turned 50 and am in a young person's career (software development). I feel how hiring managers look at me when asked to turn my camera on, during an interview that was going very well and suddenly it's 'we'll get back to you.'"

17. It all catches up

"Things like drinking, eating unhealthily, smoking, spending ... they will catch up. When you're young you think you're different, or you think that when it does catch up you'll be old so who cares, I won't care when I'm old anyway. You will care, though. You'll still be you. Those things won't seem like an issue right up to the moment they are. And then it's too late to take them back."

This article originally appeared last year.