upworthy

80s kids

Schools

Behold! The authentic recipe for '80s school cafeteria rectangle pizza.

Now you can make the rubbery but nostalgic pizza from the comfort of your own home.

Canva Photos & U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, Food and Nutrition Service

Everyone who came of age in the 80s and 90s remembers rectangle pizza.

If you grew up in the '80s or '90s, I'd like you to close your eyes. In your mind, you are now back in your elementary school cafeteria. You're walking past all the tables full of other kids, trying not to trip or pee your pants or do anything else embarrassing that will submarine your reputation for the next decade. You approach the line and grab a tray, and the kindly lunch lady takes it from you and serves you up a heaping portion of today's main course. What is it?

If you're like most millennials and Gen Xers, you're almost certainly thinking of that very specific rectangular, and more than a bit rubbery, pizza. Doesn't matter if you grew up in Los Angeles, Dallas, Tampa Bay, Boston, or anywhere in between. It doesn't even matter if your parents packed your lunch. You remember eating this pizza almost every single day of your youth. And while the local Papa Johns or boutique Neapolitan pizzeria is fine, deep inside, you yearn for the square. It's the one that taught you how to love pizza. Was it good? It doesn't matter. It made you who you are today.

'80s and '90s kids, you're in luck. Clever Internet sleuths have uncovered the original recipe for the school cafeteria pizza of yesteryear.

pizza, school, school lunch, food, recipes, youth, 80s, 90s, nostalgia, 80s nostalgia, 90s nostalgiaThe only thing more influential to the public image of pizza than school lunch were the Ninja Turtles.Giphy

The Internet Archive has been quietly collecting documents for years now from a little government agency called the U.S. Department of Agriculture, Food and Nutrition Service division.

They have pretty boring names, like this one from 1988 called "Quantity recipes for school food service." But inside these hand-scanned handbooks is an absolute treasure trove, and that's where some fine citizen initially discovered the Holy Grail: Pizza with Cheese Topping.

Behold. If you've ever wanted to recapture the whimsy and imagination of being a child in the '80s, you can now do it in your very own kitchen. Here's the exact recipe.

pizza, school, school lunch, food, recipes, youth, '80s, '90s, nostalgia,' 80s nostalgia, '90s nostalgiaI'm convinced it was the marjoram that captured our young hearts all those years ago.U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, Food and Nutrition Service

After all these years, we now know that the secret "sauce," figuratively and literally, is: dehydrated onions, garlic powder, black pepper, tomato paste, water, basil, oregano, marjoram, and thyme.

I'm no Gordon Ramsay, but the key ingredient to me seems to be marjoram. That's an herb from the mint family that's not exactly a staple in most people's kitchens at home. It must be what gave school pizza the little extra kick that helped it claw its way deep into our hearts and brains for decades.

Of course, to get the full effect of Pizza With Cheese Topping, you'd have to find a way to source the same ingredients. And obviously, different school districts across the country may have cooked up their own versions of this basic formula.

But this is a pretty spot-on approximation.

pizza, school, school lunch, food, recipes, youth, 80s, 90s, nostalgia, 80s nostalgia, 90s nostalgiaThere are a lot of memes and jokes about how school lunch in the 90s wasn't very healthy, but these stats aren't too bad.U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, Food and Nutrition Service

If you're intrigued but don't actually feel like going through this process yourself, don't worry. Someone on Reddit went through all the steps recently and posted their results. A quick reminder for anyone bold enough to try this at home: The recipe above created five full-size sheet pans of pizza, or 100 slices. It uses three pounds of tomato paste and a whopping 12 pounds of mozzarella cheese.

When properly scaled, the final product looks something like this. Cowabunga, dude!



The handbook from 1988 also includes such coveted recipes as Salisbury Steak, Spaghetti with Meat Sauce, Meatloaf, and Mac and Cheese. Put it all together and you've got pretty much the entire school lunch menu of our youth.

Experts say food is one of the most powerful things on the planet when it comes to memory and nostalgia. Why? Bond University writes, "Food.. engages multiple senses: taste, smell, texture, sight and sound."

Smell, in particular, is extremely closely linked to the part of the brain that forms strong, vivid memories. To this day, sometimes I'll smell something that reminds me of middle school, and I don't know why—maybe it was the body spray someone wore or the subtle smell of the school. Food is just like that, but even more potent. It also brings with it other memories of friendship, love, family, or even negative memories of being bullied or feeling left out.

All kidding aside, your memories of school lunch (and rectangular cheese pizza in particular) may not be all sunshine and roses. But I'd be willing to bet they are some of the most vivid and stubborn memories you have. It could be fun to spend an evening recreating the smells, textures, and tastes to see what kind of other memories it stirs up.

We were told this was an absolute no-no.

If you grew up in the 70s or 80s, there was one rule:

No metal in the microwave!

None. Nada. Don't do it, ever, under any conditions. If you put metal in the microwave, it would spark and explode. That was how science worked back then.

So you can imagine the surprise that Gen Xers and millennials who might have been browsing Reddit this week are feeling.

A Reddit user recently shared a confusing warning label on their microwave, seemingly encouraging them to leave a (presumably) metal spoon in any liquids while heating.

The illustrated sticker shows two cups of liquid. The plain cup — with only liquid inside — has an X crossing it out, as if to indicate you're not supposed to microwave a plain container of liquid. The allowed version, confusingly, has a spoon sticking out of it as the liquid bubbles! Last time I checked, most spoons are metal.

So what exactly is going on here?

Is the microwave manufacturer actually... encouraging us to microwave metal?

Some users were baffled and began questioning their entire existence:

"We grew up in the 70s being told to never put metal in a microwave. Hard to learn that," wrote u/dustin91.

"Growing up in the '70s, we were drilled to never put metal in the microwave. It's tough to shake that mindset," said u/GoodnessEmma_.

In fact, the OP was not the first person to be confused by this sticker on their microwave. Posts just like this one are surprisingly common.

Luckily, there's a simple explanation for this counterintuitive sticker: Sometimes, under certain circumstances, putting metal in the microwave is perfectly OK.

But before you go microwaving your whole silverware drawer, let's hear out the scientific explanation.

"[The] electromagnetic activity [in a microwave] can do a number on metal. The oscillation of the microwaves can produce a concentrated electric field at corners or an edge of a metallic object, ionizing the surrounding air," which creates popping, sparking, and arcs of electricity. That's according to a post on MIT's "Ask an Engineer."

However, when a metal object in the microwave is thick and or smooth, with no sharp edges, there's little risk of a fire breaking out.

A YouTuber named ElectroBOOM actually (and bravely) tested different metals in the microwave.

Smooth, thick metals (like spoons) did fine, even when he used two spoons close together or touching. Things with sharp edges (thin strips of foil, a fork) did not, and sparked or caught fire quickly.

It makes sense the more you think about it.

A lot of foods (like Hot Pockets) come with a metal or foil-lined tray to encourage heating. Your microwave may even have a metal shelf inside!

The confounding sticker suggests leaving a spoon in any liquids to prevent superheating — which can cause scalding hot water or other liquids to explode.

In some cases, microwaving a liquid can cause it to heat beyond its boiling point — without actually boiling. (This is especially likely if you were to heat a liquid without any "impurities," like distilled water.) When superheated liquid is disturbed (by sticking a spoon in, adding a sugar cube, or just sloshing it around) it can explode and scald you.

Mythbusters tested this scary idea many years ago — and confirmed that it can happen!

Leaving a spoon in the water creates "nucleation points," or opportunities for bubbles to form, rise to the surface, and release heat — which is how normal boiling is supposed to work.

It doesn't HAVE to be a metal spoon, of course. A wooden spoon or chopstick will have the same effect.

So now we know that some metal in the microwave is OK. But there are enough caveats that you really ought to know what you're doing before you try it.

Having done the research, I can see now why our parents and teachers figured it was just safer to tell us to never put any metal in the microwave under any circumstance.

We believed a lot of stuff we were told as kids in the 70s, 80s, and 90s. Black belts in karate had to register their hands with the police as deadly weapons. People put razor blades in Halloween candy and apples all the time. We were very likely to encounter quicksand at some point. Acid rain would kill you. Fruit could grow in your stomach if you swallowed seeds. Alligators lived in the sewers.

Frankly, "never microwave any metal" was the least crazy thing we were told back then. The truth is a little more complicated, but it kept us safe at the time, right?

@over40slbmom/TikTok

Feeling nostalgic yet?

It seems like so many iterations of unfettered joy from our childhood haven’t made it to the modern age, and playgrounds are no exception.

Gone are the days of metal slides that scorched the derriere in the summertime, seesaws that doubled as human catapults and the notorious merry-go-rounds that separated the weak from the strong. Good old fashioned character building—safety be damned!

As it turns out, a few of these old relics are still standing. And footage of kids playing at one of these bygone parks is filling adults—particularly Gen Xers—with sweet nostalgia.

Dubbing it the “Last Gen X Playground” by Ronda Schofield filmed a video of the local haunt in all its rusted glory.

As the iconic 80s song “Maniac” plays in the background, we first see some kiddos swinging on a very odd contraption that sports a generic clown face.

Then the camera pans out to reveal a metal slide weighted down by a concrete cinder block (classic), dilapidated rocking horse swings, and a spinning seesaw that’s certainly seen better days.

But you know what? The kids today seem to like it just fine.

@over40_slbmom Last GenX Playground!❤️ #genx #genxtiktokers #over50#bestgenerationever #genxkid ♬ Maniac (Flashdance Version) (Re-Recorded / Remastered) - Michael Sembello

While plenty of these staples have been replaced by safer alternatives, viewers on TikTok couldn’t help but reminisce about their childhood favorites.

“The lunch ladies at my elementary school would give us waxed paper so we would slide faster down the slide,” one person recalled.

The horse swings were my favorite,” add another. “Impossible when you get bigger, no knee room!”

One even quipped “Metal slides on a hot summer day... getting blinded and burnt at the same time.” Ah yes, a simpler time.

As people shared their recess war stories, it became all the more clear why many of these fixtures are no longer around.

“Broke my leg on the spinning thing and got stitches in my chin from the teeter totter,” one person joked.

Still, folks definitely felt their childhood come alive again after Schofield’s clip. Many felt it should be restored and kept a historic landmark of sorts.

The pre-internet days might have been a little rough around the edges, but there was an undeniable rugged charm about it all. In many ways, it was easier for kids to just be kids, allowing for social interaction, reckless abandon and learning that a few knee scrapes doesn’t signal the end of the world.

Those days might be behind us—and probably for the better, ultimately—but it’s still nice to hop back in from time to time.

Now, where’s the vintage mall with cheesy glamor shots, vinyl shops, video game arcades and RadioShacks?


This article originally appeared on 9.21.23

Pop Culture

Millennials and Boomers may freak out over social distancing, but it's Gen X's time to shine

The "the least parented, least nurtured" generation in history was born for this.

via Stone Gasman / Twitter

Some Gen Xers hanging out in detention.

While generational stereotypes don't apply to everyone, there are significant differences between how Baby Boomers (1944 to 1964), Gen X (1965 to 1980), and Millenials (1981 to 1996) were raised.

Baby Boomers tended to grow up in homes where one parent stayed home and the other worked outside of the house. Millennials are known for having over-involved "helicopter" parents.

Then, there's Gen X.

The smaller, cooler generation that, according to a 2004 marketing study "went through its all-important, formative years as one of the least parented, least nurtured generations in U.S. history."


Gen X was the first generation to be born during the divorce boom, so many were raised by single parents or in blended families.

They were the first generation that experienced both parents working outside the home. But, unfortunately, at the same time, childcare centers and afterschool programs had not yet emerged to a significant extent.

via SuperBass / Wikimedia Commons

"There was a weak support network for children of working mothers," Cathy Sandeen writes in Continuing Higher Education Review. "Many members of Generation X were the infamous 'latch key kids' who stayed home by themselves after school until their parents returned from work.

Many Gen Xers had a feral-style upbringing which is looked down upon by both previous and subsequent generations. But it gave them a unique set of coping skills.

"Generation X were the resilient 'survivors,' who, though somewhat cynical, pessimistic, and suspicious, found a way to successfully negotiate their challenging social environment," Saneen continues.

So as health officials are encouraging people to stay in their homes and practice social distancing, it's Gen X's time to shine.

They were raised improvising after school snacks with what was left in the cupboards, entertaining themselves while unsupervised, and knew the dangers of opening the door to strangers.

Gen Xers on Twitter now feel deputized to show the rest of the world how to social distance with that special brand of Gen-X cool that Millennials could never achieve.

Social isolation? Gen X was born to do it.

'Latch key kid' skills are forever.

It's time for the "forgotten generation" to lead.

Gen Xers are loving each other right now.