Big smiles in class at kindergarten.
Every parent wants to see their kid get good grades in school. But now we know social success is just as important. From an early age, we're led to believe our grades and test scores are the key to everything — namely, going to college, getting a job, and finding that glittery path to lifelong happiness and prosperity.
It can be a little stressful. But a study showed that when children learn to interact effectively with their peers and control their emotions, it can have an enormous impact on how their adult lives take shape. And according to the study, kids should be spending more time on these skills in school.
Nope, it's not hippie nonsense. It's science.
Kindergarten teachers evaluated the kids with a portion of something called the Social Competence Scale by rating statements like "The child is good at understanding other's feelings" on a handy "Not at all/A little/Moderately well/Well/Very well" scale.
The research team used these responses to give each kid a "social competency score," which they then stored in what I assume was a manila folder somewhere for 19 years, or until each kid was 25. At that point, they gathered some basic information about the now-grown-ups and did some fancy statistical stuff to see whether their early social skills held any predictive value.
Here's what they found.
1. Those good test scores we covet? They still matter, but maybe not for the reasons we thought.
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Meeting high expectations...
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Traditional thinking says that if a kid gets good grades and test scores, he or she must be really smart, right? After all, there is a proven correlation between having a better GPA in high school and making more money later in life.
But what that test score doesn't tell you is how many times a kid worked with a study partner to crack a tough problem, or went to the teacher for extra help, or resisted the urge to watch TV instead of preparing for a test.
The researchers behind this project wrote, "Success in school involves both social-emotional and cognitive skills, because social interactions, attention, and self-control affect readiness for learning."
That's a fancy way of saying that while some kids may just be flat-out brilliant, most of them need more than just smarts to succeed. Maybe it wouldn't hurt spending a little more time in school teaching kids about the social half of the equation.
2. Skills like sharing and cooperating pay off later in life.
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Adam Sandler helps out a friend dealing with a stressful situations.
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We know we need to look beyond GPA and state-mandated testing to figure out which kids are on the right path. That's why the researchers zeroed in so heavily on that social competency score.
What they found probably isn't too surprising: Kids who related well to their peers, handled their emotions better, and were good at resolving problems went on to have more successful lives.
What's surprising is just how strong the correlation was.
An increase of a single point in social competency score showed a child would be 54% more likely to earn a high school diploma, twice as likely to graduate with a college degree, and 46% more likely to have a stable, full-time job at age 25.
The kids who were always stealing toys, breaking things, and having meltdowns? More likely to have run-ins with the law and substance abuse problems.
The study couldn't say for sure that strong or poor social skills directly cause any of these things. But we can say for sure that eating too much glue during arts and crafts definitely doesn't help.
3. Social behaviors can be learned and unlearned — meaning it's never too late to change.
Adam Sandler GIF of getting his groove on.
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The researchers called some of these pro-social behaviors like sharing and cooperating "malleable," or changeable.
Let's face it: Some kids are just never going to be rocket scientists. Turns out there are physical differences in our brains that make learning easier for some people than others. But settling disputes with peers? That's something kids (and adults) can always continue to improve on.
And guess what? For a lot of kids, these behaviors come from their parents. The more you're able to demonstrate positive social traits like warmth and empathy, the better off your kids will be.
So can we all agree to stop yelling at people when they take the parking spot we wanted?
But what does it all mean?
This study has definite limitations, which its researchers happily admit. While it did its best to control for as many environmental factors as possible, it ultimately leans pretty heavily on whether a teacher thought a kid was just "good" or "very good" at a given trait.
Still, the 19-year study paints a pretty clear picture: Pro-social behavior matters, even at a young age. And because it can be learned, it's a great "target for prevention or intervention efforts."
The bottom line? We need to do more than just teach kids information. We need to invest in teaching them how to relate to others and how to handle the things they're feeling inside.
Ignoring social skills in our curricula could have huge ramifications for our kids down the road.
This article originally appeared nine years ago.
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Millennial mom struggles to organize her son's room.Image via Canva/fotostorm
Boomer grandparents have a video call with grandkids.Image via Canva/Tima Miroshnichenko
Information from the NICABM website regarding the "Window of Tolerance."Photo Credit: The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine 
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Gen Xers and Millennials share 17 of the strangest things their Baby Boomer parents do
"My mom writes her emails in MS Word, then attaches the Word document to the email."
A Baby Boomer couple.
Generational fights have raged since the dawn of time, and a recent spat between Millennials and Baby Boomers is no exception. Baby Boomers, who raised Millennials, accuse the younger generation of being entitled and irresponsible with money. At the same time, Millennials accuse Boomers of having it easier economically while making it harder for those who came after them.
Where is Gen X in the battle? Probably off in the corner somewhere, saying, "Whatever." Aside from the generational sniping, there are some things the older generation does that are just plain baffling to younger people. Whether it's outdated worldviews, a refusal to adapt to modern technology, or a lack of self-awareness, Baby Boomers can do some strange things.
To help the younger folks get over their frustrations with parents from the "Me Generation," a Redditor asked: "What is the most Boomer thing your parents still do?" The stories were pretty funny and relatable, showing that almost everyone with parents over 60 is dealing with the same thing.
Here are 17 of the "strangest" things people's Baby Boomer parents do:
1. Phones on full blast
"Play iPhone slot machine games at full volume in the doctor’s office."
"My dad pretty much exclusively has his phone on speaker, and just walks around in public talking with it at max volume (and talking really loud himself). I’m like 'Dad, the entire supermarket doesn’t want to listen to you, and Uncle Jim complains about how often you have to pee.'"
2. Still using checkbooks
"My mom balances her checkbook every week. They still have a landline."
"And she probably has way more money than you will until she dies!"
3. Email issues
"My mom writes her emails in MS Word, then attaches the Word document to the email."
"Like the email is just the virtual envelope for the digital letter."
4. Restaurant jokes
"All those little restaurant comments.
'Wow, they'll let anyone in here!' when seeing a friend at said restaurant.
'Thanks for having us, not everyone will' to the waiter at the end of the meal.
'As you can see, it was terrible' when the staff takes away the clearly entirely eaten plate.
'You're going to have me floating away in a minute' when more water is put into their glass"
5. Always have to mention race
"Constantly mentioning the race or ethnicity of everyone she mentions. Never with any negative connotation or comment, but usually, there is no reason for it to be relevant to the conversation."
"My Jewish mother will always whisper the word 'black' in case anyone hears her: 'So the nice black man at the hardware store helped me find the right garden hose.'"
6. Googling their Google
"Typing Google on Google before they Google the thing they’re looking for."
"In the Google search bar, they type Google? Lol."
7. Getting a job is a cinch
"Believing you can walk into a business and hand in a resume. If you have a college degree in any field, they'll hire you."
"Just physically hand over your resume to HR or the hiring manager. You'll make a mark and get hired!! Call the office and ask to speak to HR/Hiring Manager."
Any Millennial who argued with their Boomer parents about how hard it is to land a good job should feel vindicated by a 2022 study, which found that most older Millennials didn't secure good jobs until their early 30s, while most Boomers did so in their 20s. "To secure a good job, young adults need to acquire more education and high-quality work experience than was necessary for previous generations," the researchers wrote.
8. Why are they together?
"Stay married forever while they behave like neither one of them can stand each other."
"I'm on the other side of that. After my mom passed, my dad now acts like their marriage was picture perfect and they were the love of each other's lives, even though they couldn't stand each other for at the very least 40 of the 54 years they were married."
9. Collectables or hoarding?
"Think their 'collectibles' are truly valuable."
"My mom insists her Hummels are going to put my kids through college!"
"Mine are the Thomas Kincade paintings. She has a Victorian glass piece that might actually be worth something, but those damn paintings are the real investment."
10. Can you grab the mail?
"Ask me to bring in the mail when they go away for more than 24 hours."
"My parents think everybody is standing at the door waiting for the mailman every day, and don’t believe me when I tell them that some people go days without checking their mail. They think everybody is waiting for the mailman every day because 'somebody might send them a check.' Like, really?"
11. Zero responsibility
"'Well, I guess I was just a bad father.' Yeah. That attitude of anti-responsibility is exactly why 3 out of 4 of your children don't talk to you."
"Ha! Have the same dad, do we?"
12. Comment on people's appearance
"Comment on EVERYBODY’s body/appearance/weight. The first thing my dad does after not seeing me for a year is poke me in the gut and tell me how fat I am."
13. Boomer panic is real
"Literally throwing their hands up in a panic when they don't understand something. Where did they learn that?"
"Or just saying 'well, I don't know', especially when that comes right after you explaining it and showing them how to do something, with them nodding along and asking relevant questions all the way through."
In a video by YourTango, editor Brian Sundholm tried to explain Boomer panic in an empathetic way: "Most of us nowadays know the importance of recognizing and feeling our emotions." Sundholm then quoted therapist Mitzi Bachman, who explained that when people struggle to express their emotions, it can result in an "unhinged" reaction.
14. Annoying Facebook posts
"Post nonsensical rants on Facebook for other boomers to like, share, and comment. Often these rants are political, but not always. Basically cringe-fest."
"Most people won't do it, but share this post if you believe in god and freedom."
"I do NOT give Facebook permission to use my photos and personal information!"
15. Dinner pushers
"While we're eating breakfast. What do you want to do for supper?"
"Can't we enjoy this meal without worrying about the next?"
16. They print everything
"My boomer in-laws print EVERYTHING! The number of times I have said, 'quit wasting ink, email it to me, or text me the link. Or just text me the schedule, don't print it out.' GPS on their phones? Nope...print a map."
"Boomers and their paper man. My dad has finally started using the internet, but he still prints everything he likes. Like he'll see a boat listing on Craigslist and print the entire page, including a massive color photo of it, and he's definitely not going to be buying it either. He's got a stack of papers that is the internet that sits by his recliner. He just sits there with Fox News on (though it's usually muted for some reason, that's a plus) and looks at his papers."
17. Flirting with servers
"My dad is 77 still flirts with the young waitresses. It's f**king weird for everyone."
"He thinks he is in cute old man territory, but he is not."